Carla

Chapter Eighteen

The house on Nottingham Terrace was almost silent. Upstairs the vacuum cleaner droned lazily as Lizzie cleaned one of the rooms. A clock on the living-room wall ticked monotonously. A fly buzzed up against the front windows, then flew from the room and was heard no more.

Carla and Danny sat side by side in the living-room, waiting. It was late in the afternoon and Ronald would be home any minute. He would come home and they would tell him at once. His case was over; now was the time for them to put their cards on the table and get the situation resolved. Ronald would consent to a divorce, for there was nothing else he could do.

And, Carla, knew, he wouldn’t fight a divorce even if he could. Ronald wasn’t that kind of a man. He was too good, too basically unselfish for an action of that sort. He had proved that when he instructed her to take a lover, and he had proved it in every act of his existence. She knew that he would prove it once again.

At the same time she found herself dreading the moment of his arrival. In her own way she loved her husband and she knew the news would hurt him inside. He would be hurt — no matter how hard he tried to conceal the injury from her eyes. And she did not want to see him hurt.

All these thoughts were communicated soundlessly from Carla to Danny and back again. Words were unnecessary; they would have been quite superfluous. The two had reached an uncanny degree of closeness and perception to the point where thoughts seemed to be transmitted instantaneously from one to the other.

The closeness, Carla thought, was perhaps the most wonderful aspect of their love. She didn’t just love Danny, but she also loved the way she was when she was with him. And he felt the same way towards her. It was the type of relationship few people are privileged to enjoy.

Their marriage would work, she thought fiercely. She would fight to make it work. She would keep a clean house for him, a little house in the suburbs, the house he had talked about so enthusiastically. And she would be a good shopper and a good cook, and she would help him save money until he could buy the gas station.

She thought about their children and her heart grew warm. She would be proud, proud to walk around with her belly sticking out and Danny’s child growing within her body.

A car pulled into the drive-way and stopped in the garage. It would be Ronald’s car, she knew. A glance passed between Danny and Carla. I’m afraid, Carla was saying silently. There’s nothing to be afraid of, Danny was saying.

Then there was the sound of a key turning in the lock. The door opened and Ronald walked into the house, a brown leather attache case in one hand and his hat in the other. He came into the living-room, a smile appearing on his face at the sight of Carla and changing to an expression of puzzlement when he saw Danny.

“Ronald,” Carla began nervously, “I want you to meet Danny Rand.”

Ronald Macon acknowledged the introduction and the two men shook hands. They looked vaguely like fighters waiting for the bell of the first round.

“Danny and I... love each other.”

Donald’s face didn’t seem to change expression. “I see,” he said.

“We want to get married,” Carla continued. “I want to get a divorce and marry Danny.”

“Are you quite certain?”

“I’m positive,” she answered at once.

Ronald sat down, resting his attache case on the floor beside him and placing his hat in his lap. His fingers toyed with the brim of the hat. “Suppose you start at the beginning,” he said pleasantly. “Give me a quick run-down, will you?”

Ronald’s completely relaxed manner made things a good deal easier for Carla. It permitted her to relax and view the scene as one between three sensible adults rather than a tawdry melodrama. She started slowly but as she went along her voice picked up speed and assurance, and soon she was telling Ronald the full story of her affair with Danny, telling him how she first was physically attracted to him, how this changed to love, and how her desire for a love affair eventually ripened into a hunger for marriage, a home, and children.

As she talked she kept her eyes on Ronald’s face. It was impassive throughout, and she itched to turn and look at Danny and see how he was reacting to what she was saying. Then, midway through her monologue his hand found hers and held it and she knew that everything would be all right.

When she finished the silence was heavy and awkward. Ronald lit a cigarette and smoked thoughtfully, blowing great rings at the ceiling and watching them rise and then disappear. His eyes grew misty; then they were once again directed at her as he spoke.

“My turn,” he said gently. “There are some things I should have told you awhile back in all fairness, but I’ve withheld them for reasons of my own. But now it’s time for you to hear them.

“I’ve known for some time that our marriage was a mistake. The mistake was not mine, Carla, so much as it was yours. I got much more than I bargained for: a beautiful wife, an intelligent companion, and a person who actually cared for me.

“And what did you get? You got a father instead of a husband. You got money, and I presume you thought that was enough. Then you found that it wasn’t.”

It was easy to see that the words were hard ones for Ronald to say. Carla could tell that he was going through a good deal of emotional strain, but years of courtroom training kept his voice even and his bearing flawless.

“I tried to make it easy for you. I saw that I was not enough for you, and I attempted to keep you secure on a leash by allowing you a certain amount of a certain variety of freedom. I brought Charles Butler to my house not because I’m that friendly with the man but because I suspected the two of you would be attracted to one another. And I knew that I was safe if you had an affair with Charles. He’s not the marrying kind.

“You see, I tried to throw you into an affair because that seemed to be the only way to hold you. And here I misjudged you badly. It was unfair and I want to apologize for it.

“I thought an affair would be enough for you. I didn’t stop to consider the deep reservoir of love in you Carla, or to realize that you had to be not only mistress but also wife and lover in order to fulfill your inherent potential and be happy.

“And I thought my money would hold you. At first I hoped it would — then I changed my mind. I even thought of settling some money on you so that money wouldn’t enter into the decision you would have to make, but I soon saw the fallacy in that line of thought. I had to let you face the choice, or otherwise your decision couldn’t have any meaning.”

He paused and cleared his throat. “Now you have made your choice.”

Carla nodded.

“You’ve chosen love over money.”

Carla nodded again, reinforced by the pressure of Danny’s fingers on her palm. The full impact of Ronald’s words was beginning to sink in. She thought back to the night Charles came to dinner, and again to the time Ronald had told her to take a lover if she wanted one. Bits and pieces of his actions over the past several weeks were starting to fall into place. She saw her husband all at once as a benevolent giant who sat behind the scenes, pulling the strings in an effort to make her happy.

“Love over money,” he repeated. “I think it’s the right choice, Carla. At any rate it’s the choice I hoped you would make. I wanted to give you a shove in that direction but I didn’t dare. The choice had to be yours.

“I can’t tell you how sorry I am to lose you. Nor can I tell you how glad I am that you’ve found your proper role in life.”

He stopped suddenly, and Carla could sense that he was close to tears. She felt her eyes filling, too, and the increased pressure of Danny’s fingers told her that he too was emotionally moved.

Abruptly Ronald stabbed out the cigarette and sat upright in his chair. “Now for the details,” he said briskly. “You want a divorce, as I understand it.”

“That’s right.”

“Divorces are messy, you know. One has a choice between running off to Reno or getting a New York decree on the grounds of adultery, and neither are especially attractive alternatives.”

“Would the publicity hurt your career?”

“It might,” he said, “if I had a career. As of today I’m officially retired from private practice. I’ve had enough, and the last case was almost too much for me. It’s over and I’m done. I’m going to relax — take a fishing trip once in a while, read, putter around the house a bit. So my career has nothing to do with it.

“I was thinking more of you two. You see, with a divorce there’s a waiting period, and there’s a lot of legal rigamarole that’s pretty much of a pain in the neck, and there’s the sort of publicity that can’t do you a hell of a lot of good.”

“I understand that,” Danny cut in. “But we want to get married, Mr. Macon.”

“Of course you do — and it’s what I want for you. But a divorce won’t be necessary. You see, Carla and I have never slept together — and she can easily and quickly obtain an annulment of our marriage on the grounds that it was never consummated. This is faster, easier, and free of the stigma that some people attach to divorce.”

“I never thought of that,” Carla said, half to herself.

“Why should you?” Ronald chuckled. “I’m the lawyer, you know. And now, while I don’t suppose it’s exactly standard procedure for a husband to toast his wife and her future husband, would the pair of you care to join me in a drink?”

One drink led to another, and the two drinks loosened the trio so that conversation flowed more easily. Ronald explained the legal mechanics of annulment procedure and Carla and Danny discussed when they would marry and where they would live and how many children they would have. It seemed vaguely ghoulish to talk of such things while they sat in Ronald’s house and drank his liquor, but he had set them so completely at ease that it appeared quite natural.

“Speaking of children,” Ronald said, “I have a deal for you.”

“Let’s hear it,” Danny said.

“It’s quite simple. Perhaps I’m egotistical, but I’d like some sort of namesake to leave behind when I go. As I understand it, you need a certain sum of money to purchase the franchise for your gas station. I’ll be pleased to give you the money as a wedding present if you’ll name a boy after me.”

Carla’s eyes widened. “Oh, Ronald — that’s wonderful! Of course!”

“Mr. Macon,” Danny cut in, “I’d be very proud to have a son named Ronald Rand. But I couldn’t accept the money.”

Carla turned to him. “Why not?”

“Because I want to make my own way,” he answered. “And I want to do it all by myself. It has to be that way, Carla. Otherwise it doesn’t mean anything.”

She nodded, understanding. “Yes,” she said. “You’re right, Danny. And I’m going to let you make all the decisions from here on in.”

A few moments later Ronald excused himself and the two were left alone. Several minutes later the telephone rang, but neither of them had the slightest intention of answering it.