Confessions at Midnight

Chapter Sixteen

When Carolyn arrived home after tea with Daniel, she was greeted by Nelson, who informed her that Sarah, Julianne, and Emily, as well as the trio of Lady Walsh, Lady Balsam, and Mrs. Amunsbury had called during her absence. Carolyn nodded absently, her attention caught by the gorgeous display of roses decorating her foyer. Drawing a deep breath, she closed her eyes and absorbed their heady fragrance.

A blush suffused her at the memory of her sensual carriage encounter with Daniel, and she had to press her lips together to contain her secret smile. The Anonymous Lady's retelling of such a liaison in the Memoirs had captivated her, and while the reading of it had been highly stimulating, it couldn't compare to the thrill of the actual experience.

The Memoirs… yes, they'd inspired some very heated thoughts. Thoughts she'd very much like to share even more of with Daniel.

An idea occurred to her, a wicked idea so tempting that after a moment's pondering she realized she couldn't resist. She hurried to the drawing room and retrieved her copy of the Memoirs from her desk. The strong scent of almonds wafted up from the box of marzipan she'd put in the drawer, and she wrinkled her nose even as guilt hit her. The candy was such a thoughtful gift, even though she much preferred the roses.

After removing the bloom she'd pressed between the pages of the Memoirs, she penned a quick note on the back of her calling card, men carefully wrapped the slim volume and card with several sheets of tissue paper that she secured with a piece of satin ribbon.

Daniel had given her a number of gifts. It was time she returned the favor.

She made her way back to the foyer and handed Nelson the package. "I'd like this delivered to Lord Surbrooke as soon as possible."

"Yes, my lady. I'll see to it personally."

"Thank you." She was about to head for her bed-chamber to decide what to wear to Lord and Lady Exbury's soiree that evening when the bell rang, indicating the front gate had been opened.

"'Tis the American gentleman, Mr. Jennsen," Nelson reported after a discreet peek out the slender window flanking the door.

Carolyn didn't ask how Nelson would recognize Mr. Jennsen-her butler seemed to know everyone in town.

"Are you in, my lady?"

Carolyn nodded, curious as to what would bring Mr. Jennsen calling. "Yes. You may show him into the drawing room, then deliver the package to Lord Surbrooke."

She headed down the corridor to the drawing room, where she checked her appearance in the gilt framed mirror. Heavens, she was practically glowing. Thank goodness the weather was good, so she could blame her vivid coloring on the sun, should Mr. Jennsen even notice.

A knock sounded, and at her bid to enter, Nelson opened the door. "Mr. Jennsen to see you, my lady."

The butler stepped back and Mr. Jennsen entered the room. Dressed in buff breeches, a Devonshire brown jacket, and polished black boots, he looked masculine and robust, and the room seemed to somehow shrink due to his commanding presence. His thick, dark hair appeared ruffled, either by his fingers or the wind, lending him a slightly undone air that suited him. She glanced in surprise at the bouquet of vivid pink peonies he held.

"Good afternoon, Lady Wingate," he said.

"Mr. Jennsen, how nice to see you."

"Please call me Logan." He crossed the carpet and extended the bouquet. "For you."

She buried her face in the colorful, fragrant blooms. "They're lovely. Thank you, Logan." She nodded toward the grouping of chairs around the fireplace. "Would you like to sit down?"

"Thank you."

As they settled themselves on the settee, she asked, "Shall I ring for tea?"

"Thank you, Lady Wingate, but I cannot stay long."

"Carolyn, please," she said, placing her flowers on the end table then offering him a smile. "To what do I owe the honor of this visit?"

"I heard about the shooting incident outside your home last evening and was concerned."

"Who told you?"

He made a vague gesture with his hand. "Servants talk. You know how quickly gossip travels."

"Well, then you must have also heard that I wasn't injured."

"Yes." He smiled. "But I wanted to see for myself. Between that and Lady Crawford's murder, I was concerned for your safety. Besides, those flowers desperately wanted to belong to a beautiful woman." He leaned closer and confided, "They told me so."

"Talking flowers? How unusual." A smiled tugged at her lips. "I wonder what they'll tell me about you?"

He shot the flowers a mock glare. "Only good things, I hope."

"I'm certain of it," she said with a laugh. "Well, as you can see, I'm no worse for the wear for my mishap last evening."

"No worse indeed," he agreed, his gaze wandering over her. "In fact you're positively… glowing."

His words raced heat directly into her face. Before she could find her voice, he went on, "I understand Surbrooke was with you last night and he wasn't hurt, either."

Heavens, gossip did indeed travel quickly. "One of his servants fell ill, and my maid and I went to his home to offer assistance."

"I didn't realize your maid was with you. I hope she wasn't injured."

Carolyn felt her blush deepen. "She remained at Lord Surbrooke's home through the night. Lord Surbrooke was kind enough to escort me home."

He nodded slowly. "I see."

His dark eyes studied her intently, as if she were a puzzle he were trying to figure out. She took the opportunity to study him as well. His face was a fascinating landscape of stark panes, softened only by his full, sensual mouth. Although he wasn't classically handsome, he exuded an undeniable masculine appeal and was very attractive. As if his dark good looks weren't enough, the air of mystery that surrounded him-no one knew very much about him or his past in America-coupled with his fabulous wealth, made him the object of great interest amongst the ladies of the ton, despite his undesirable colonial heritage. She had no doubt that many a female heart sped up whenever he entered a room.

Which suddenly begged the question: Why didn't he make her heart speed up? She liked him and had enjoyed his company at Matthew's house party and on the few occasions she'd seen him since returning to London. He was wry, witty, intelligent, attractive… so why didn't he affect her the same way Daniel did? When she fantasized about the erotic writings from the Memoirs, why was the man in her imaginings always Daniel and never Logan?

"Carolyn… I wonder if you could possibly be thinking the same thing I am?"

His question yanked her from her thoughts, and she gave a self-conscious laugh. She was about to assure him that she was certain they weren't thinking the same thing, but the words died in her throat, when he captured her upper arms in his large hands. Drew her close. And settled his mouth on hers.

Her body stiffened with shocked surprise, but after several seconds it became obvious that Logan Jennsen knew how to kiss a woman. Since she suddenly found herself very curious, she allowed herself to relax. And quickly realized that although Logan's technique was exceptional and his kiss perfectly pleasant, it didn't come close to affecting her the way Daniel's did. Indeed, Logan couldn't do to her with a masterful kiss what Daniel was able to do with a mere look.

Oh, dear.

He leaned back, and she opened her eyes and found him regarding her with a half-puzzled, half-surprised expression. His hands slid slowly from her shoulders, then he cleared his throat.

"Do you wish to slap my face?" he asked.

For some reason a bubble of amusement rose in her throat, one for which she was grateful, as it pushed aside her unsettling thoughts. "Do you want me to?"

"'Not particularly."

"I'd prefer an explanation."

"As to why I'd wish to kiss a beautiful woman? It is not difficult to figure out." A frown burrowed his brow and he tapped his index finger against his bottom lip, as if to make certain it was still there. His intense gaze settled on hers. "What did you think?"

Not quite sure how to answer without wounding his feelings, she hedged, "What did you think?"

He drew a deep breath, then said, "I'm not good with pretty words the way you Brits are so I'll just spit it out. I've missed my opportunity with more than one woman I've admired since coming to England, and I didn't want to let another one get away. But our kiss wasn't… what I expected."

"What had you expected?"

"Pyrotechnics." A sheepish look crossed his face. "I like you too much not to be perfectly honest with you. I didn't feel any… spark. I'm sorry." He dragged a hand through his hair. "I think you should slap my face."

She couldn't help but laugh. "I like you too much not to be honest. I didn't feel any spark, either."

He blinked, then smiled. "Really?"

"Really."

"Well." He blew out a sigh of obvious relief then chuckled. "I suppose my manly pride shouldn't allow me to be so happy about that."

"Nor my womanly vanity." She grinned. "You can bear it if I can."

He chuckled. "Agreed. It would it appear we are destined to only be friends."

"So it would appear." And while she was happy for his friendship, she was deeply troubled by what was now patently clear-that what she felt for Daniel obviously ran deeper. She held out her hand. "Friends?"

"Friends." He lifted her hand and brushed a kiss across the backs of her fingers. "Mon ami."

Carolyn blinked in surprise. "Do you speak French?"

"As a matter of fact I do."

"Fluently?"

"Yes." His eyes took on a teasing gleam. "Shall I dazzle you with some verb conjugations?"

She pushed aside her troubling thoughts and instead recalled a button-eyed Droopy. "Actually, there are several phrases I'd like very much to learn."

"I'm sorry I missed seeing you this afternoon," Sarah said, after greeting Carolyn that evening with a tight hug when they found each other at the crush that was Lord and Lady Exbury's soiree. "I'm very relieved you're all right. What a horrible, frightening episode. Thank goodness Lord Tolliver is in custody and cannot hurt anyone else." Sarah released Carolyn, studied her for several seconds, then pushed up her spectacles and blinked. "I must say, you're looking none the worse for your fright. Indeed, you're positively glowing."

Good heavens. Little had she known that her tryst with Daniel would cause her to still glitter like a candle. She looked at her sister and, after a pause, said, "I could say the same about you, Sarah. You look as if you're lit from within."

Her sister's coloring deepened. She grabbed Carolyn's arm and pulled her into the nearby corner of the crowded drawing room, bypassing snippets of conversation dominated by Lady Crawford's murder.

"Can't believe the killer hasn't yet been apprehended-"

"Surely it won't be long…"

"I heard they think a former lover-"

"-and now another shooting last night-"

Once ensconced in the privacy provided by the dimly lit corner, Sarah said in an undertone, "I know why I'm glowing, and it is entirely the fault of that husband of mine, who finally sent me one of those "time and place' notes described in the Memoirs?

"Clearly it worked remarkably well."

"You have no idea." Sarah lifted a brow. "What is your excuse?"

It is entirely the fault of your husband's best friend, who demonstrated the "carriage lovemaking" described in the Memoirs.

Unwilling to say that aloud, Carolyn hesitated. She'd never kept secrets from Sarah, but how could she expect her sister to understand something that she barely understood herself? An attraction so unexpected, yet so powerful it had her acting in ways she never thought herself capable of? An attraction she was beginning to fear might be turning into something more-with a man who'd made it clear he wanted nothing more than an affair.

And what if she told Sarah and her sister disapproved? She didn't think she could bear to see censure in Sarah's eyes. Yet, she couldn't bear the thought of lying to her, either.

Deciding her best recourse was to offer a bit of the truth and gauge Sarah's reaction, she said, "My excuse is that I've been… kissed."

Rather than appearing aghast, Sarah's eyes sparkled with interest. "Indeed? Based on your glow, it must have been a most excellent kiss."

"It was." She barely refrained from heaving a gushy sigh. "Most excellent."

"And who, may I ask, is this excellent kisser?"

Carolyn shook her head, confused. "You're not shocked? Disappointed?"

"Heavens, no. I'm delighted." She moved closer. "So, who was it?"

Humph. While she hadn't wanted to upset Sarah, the very least her sister could have done was act a bit surprised. "Why aren't you scandalized?"

"Because I think you're a beautiful woman who deserves to be kissed and who hasn't been in a very long time."

Sarah's quiet words swelled Carolyn's throat. "In that case, I suppose I must confess mat I was actually kissed by two men today."

Sarah's brows shot upward, but instead of appearing appalled, her eyes twinkled. "Heavens, you've had a busy day. So, who are these two extremely intelligent, discerning gentlemen of impeccable taste?"

"How do you know they're intelligent, discerning, and possess good taste?"

"Because they chose you to kiss."

Some inner devil prompted Carolyn to hike a single brow and ask, "What makes you think I didn't choose them to kiss?"

"If you did, that only serves to prove my point, as you'd hardly choose to kiss a man who didn't possess intelligence, discernment, and impeccable taste. Now, are you going to tell me who they are before I expire of curiosity, or must I locate a fire poker with which to prod you?"

Carolyn shook her head, half in disbelief, half in amusement. "When did you become so unshockable?"

"It is completely the fault of that husband of mine. In a scandalously short period of time he's completely stripped me of all my maidenly modesty."

Just as his best friend has done to me.

Sarah nudged her with her elbow. "Do I need to fetch the fire poker?"

"No." She stepped closer to her sister and whispered, "Kiss number one was from Daniel… Lord Surbrooke."

"Ah," Sarah said, a smile that could only be described as knowing playing at the corners of her lips. "And how was it?"

Incredible. Delicious. Amazing. "Nice."

"Just nice?"

"Very nice. Botheration, why aren't you surprised?"

"Because I've seen the way he looks at you when he thinks no one is looking."

"And how is that?"

"Like he wants to kiss you. No, actually like he's dying to kiss you. Very thoroughly. For starters."

Oh, my. And he had. Very thoroughly. For starters.

"And kiss number two?" Sarah asked, with another elbow prod.

"Was courtesy of Logan Jennsen."

This time Sarah's brows rose. "Interesting."

"But not surprising?"

"Not particularly, as I've also observed the way he looks at you."

"And how is that?"

"Like you're a bowl of cream and he's a very thirsty cat. And how was Mr. Jennsen's kiss?"

"Also nice."

Sarah stared at her over the rim of her spectacles. "It's not like you to be so uncommunicative, Carolyn." Her expression turned to one of concern. "Is something wrong?"

Carolyn shook her head. "No." Then she nodded. "Yes." She frowned. "I… don't know."

A trio of ladies walked by, and Sarah drew her deeper into the corner. "Something's amiss. Please tell me."

Her sister's concern lodged a lump in her throat that she had to swallow twice to dislodge. "Nothing's wrong, exactly. I'm just confused."

Sarah nodded. "Because both men are very attractive, yet you felt something from Lord Surbrooke's kiss that you didn't from Mr. Jennsen's."

Carolyn simply stared. "When did you become clairvoyant?"

"I'm no such thing. I'm merely observant and I know you very well." She clasped both Carolyn's hands in hers. "I've also seen the way you look at Lord Surbrooke when you think no one is looking."

Oh, dear. "And how is that?"

"Like a woman who is captivated by what she sees." Sarah studied her for several seconds through serious eyes. "He makes you laugh."

She nodded. "Yes. And feel and want things I'd never anticipated feeling or wanting again. I thought those yearnings were strictly the result of reading the Memoirs. That the sensual nature of the book made me long for the sort of physical closeness Edward and I shared." She paused, not quite sure how to continue.

Sarah nodded slowly. "You thought that like the Anonymous Lady, any of several men could satisfy those physical longings. Yet after kissing two men, both of whom are very attractive, you realize only one of them will do."

Perhaps her sister truly was clairvoyant. "I'm afraid so. And that is most unsettling."

"Because you feel you're being disloyal to Edward's memory?"

"Partly."

"Why else? Lord Surbrooke is a good man."

"Yes." Indeed, he was proving a much better man than she'd thought.

"Yet somehow you don't sound happy about that. Has he done something to offend you?"

"Actually, he sent me candy. And flowers."

One corner of Sarah's mouth quirked upward. "That fiend. I should set the dogs on him."

A laugh escaped her and she shook her head. "Danforth and Desdemona? I'm afraid your dogs, in spite of their imposing size, would simply lick him to death."

"You're right. Clearly I need to purchase some vicious dogs."

"It wouldn't matter. Dogs like him."

"Then you should be happy. Dogs are very good judges of character. A man beloved by dogs is a man worth having."

"But that is the problem. I don't want to have him."

Sarah's expression turned soft with understanding. "I think, in your heart, you do. And that is what is causing your turmoil."

She shook her head. "My heart belongs to Edward." Didn't it? The fact that she would question something she'd always been so certain of truly alarmed her. "And even if it didn't, Daniel's made it clear he doesn't want my heart. He is only interested in me in a physical sense."

"Is that all you're interested in?"

Yes. No. I don't know. She thought she knew, but she just didn't anymore. The fact that all these changes and feelings had occurred in such a short time span only added to her confusion. "Y-Yes."

"Then I fail to see the problem. You both want the same thing." Sarah squeezed her hands again. "And you both should have it."

Carolyn searched her sister's eyes. "You're encouraging me to have an affair."

"I'm encouraging you to do whatever is going to make you happy. You've been unhappy for so long, and I want you to live again. I'll not find fault with anything you do, Carolyn." She hesitated, then said, "You've already begun an affair with him."

It wasn't a question, and was stated with such kindness and understanding, tears pooled in Carolyn's eyes. "I… I'm not quite certain what's come over me. I thought I had everything all figured out, but after Logan kissed me and it didn't elicit the same sensations as Daniel's kiss…" Her voice trailed off, then she drew a deep breath and continued. "This interlude with Daniel was supposed to be lighthearted. Carefree. And uncomplicated. And suddenly it doesn't feel that way."

"Because feelings are very difficult to contain. And predict."

"Which is very unsettling and vexing."

"Yes. But it can also be wonderful."

Yes. Or heartbreaking.

Sarah gave her quick hug. "Enjoy yourself, Carolyn. Bask in everything that makes you glow. If you concentrate on making today the best it can be, tomorrow will fall into place."

Carolyn leaned forward and kissed Sarah's cheek. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." She lowered her voice. "Don't look now, but Lord Surbrooke is across the room speaking to…" She craned her neck. "… Lady Margate. He's just caught sight of you and-oh, my, what a look came into his eyes. Like a flare of fire upon dry kindling."

Carolyn couldn't help but look. Her gaze locked with Daniel's across the room, and it seemed as if everything between them-the guests, the noise, the music, the clink of crystal glasses-all faded away. Myriad questions bombarded her and it was all she could do to remain in place and not rush across the room to ask him. Did you read the book? My note? Are you as anxious to be together again as I am?

"Julianne and Emily are about to descend upon us," Sarah said from the corner of her mouth. "I'm going to leave you in their very capable hands while I locate my husband, who promised me a dance."

Wondering how long it would take Daniel to approach her, Carolyn offered him a discreet nod, one he returned. Then she forced her attention to Emily and Julianne, who were demanding to hear the details of last night's shooting. When she glanced back to where she'd last seen Daniel, he was gone, as was Lady Margate, to whom he'd been speaking. Was he on his way across the room? Her heart quickened with the notion. But after a quarter hour had passed in conversation with Julianne and Emily and he'd yet to approach her, her spirits sank. Where was he, and why hadn't he come to her?