Crossroads

Chapter Twenty-seven

The buzz of her cell phone pulled Hollis from an uneasy sleep. The early-July night air hung heavily in the room, and she shook her head to clear away the haze. “Monroe.”

“Hollis? It’s Annie.”

“Annie?” Hollis jolted upright, the tendrils of sleep fractured by sudden alarm. She hadn’t seen Annie or heard her voice in nearly a month, but she recognized the tightly controlled tension in her words. Her stomach twisted. “What is it?”

“I’ve got a patient with a breech. External version hasn’t worked, and I’m concerned we’ve got a footling presentation. We’ve waited long enough.”

“Where are you?”

“We’re fifteen minutes from the medical center. I’ve already called for transport…wait a minute. The ambulance is just pulling up. I don’t know if you’re on call—”

“I’ll be right there.”

“You have my number. If you could call me after you see—”

“No, you stay with her. She’ll want you there.” Hollis took a breath. “So do I.”

A fraction of silence. “Of course. Thank you. The paramedics are here. Do you want to talk to them?”

“No. You know what to do. I’ll meet you in the ER.” Hollis disconnected, stripped off the shorts and T-shirt she’d fallen asleep in, and pulled on jeans and button-up shirt she didn’t bother to tuck in. She glanced at the clock on her way out. Eleven forty. Of course. She swiped her keys from the table inside the door and hurried down the sidewalk. Annie would have already talked to the ER docs. The EMTs would take care of stabilizing the patient en route, and Annie would prepare the patient for what would happen at the hospital. Annie could handle things.

God, Annie. She’d been trying not to think of her and now she didn’t even pretend she didn’t want to. Hollis drove the route to PMC automatically and replayed the last few rotten weeks. Annie had not come back to the clinic. Suzanne had rotated through for a week, then a guy named Chris—apparently the only male midwife in the region—then Allison. Each Monday Hollis had looked for Annie, but Annie had not come. She’d told Annie she wouldn’t bother her anymore, and she’d kept her word. She hadn’t called her. Pride maybe, or fear. Fear if she called, Annie would send her away and truly be gone. That would cut in ways she hadn’t thought she could hurt any longer.

Avoidance wasn’t in her nature, and every morning when she woke, her first conscious thought was of Annie. The surge of happiness when Annie’s face flashed into her mind quickly dissolved into pain when she realized Annie was gone. She missed her. She missed the challenge of her, the tenderness of her, the desire that swelled each time she saw her. She missed Callie too, and the unadulterated pleasure of watching her embrace the world with unbridled enthusiasm. Joy, desire, longing, and wonder. She hadn’t felt any of those things since the day Rob died. She hadn’t realized until now that she missed them. She’d decided long ago that the pleasure was not worth the chance of pain, but maybe she had been wrong.

She pulled into the nearly empty physicians’ lot at PMC and focused on the job ahead. Her pulse steadied, her mind cleared. When she walked into the emergency room, the first person she saw was Linda. “Are they here yet?”

“ETA two minutes. We’ve got twelve set up for her. The ultrasound is in there already.”

“Good. The OR on standby?”

Linda nodded. “I thought Moorehouse was on call for you guys.”

“Special patient. How are you doing?”

Linda looked the way pregnant women did when they were approaching the last stages. The full mound of her abdomen dominated her small frame, her skin glowed with a rosy hue, her eyes shone with secret expectation. She was beautiful.

“I’ve been doing fine.” Linda held up crossed fingers. “Not a twinge. Annie says the baby is right on schedule. Twelve weeks and counting.”

The mention of Annie’s name sent a pang through Hollis’s belly, but she kept her smile in place. “Excellent.”

“I haven’t seen you much this summer,” Linda said, a probing tone in her voice. “You missed a couple of spectacular barbecues.”

“Been busy.”

“Uh-huh. I heard you and Quinn are training together.”

“We’re putting in some miles. Arly is tireless. Been keeping me jumping.”

“Uh-huh,” Linda said again, eyeing her with a look that said she knew there was more to the story.

Behind her, the ER doors whooshed open, and Hollis turned, grateful for the interruption. The paramedics pushed in a stretcher bearing a pregnant woman covered to her shoulders by a thin white sheet and surrounded by equipment. A balding man in a rumpled shirt, camo shorts, and flip-flops hurried alongside, his hand gripping hers. Annie, in a plain blue scrub top and tan pants, held on to the side rail, her head bent to the patient. The sight of her was a kick to Hollis’s chest. Annie looked tired, but more beautiful than ever. Her hair was loose around her shoulders, her expression calm and steady. When she looked up and saw Hollis, color rose to her cheeks.

“Take her in twelve,” Hollis told the EMT.

“You got it,” he said in passing.

Annie stepped away and Hollis said, “Hi.”

“Thank you for being here.” Annie followed the stretcher as it turned around the corner and disappeared. She looked at Hollis, her gaze searching. “I didn’t know who was on call, but I wanted you.”

“Anytime.” Hollis wanted to say more. Wanted to say I’ve missed you, I wanted to call. I should have called. I was an idiot to walk away. Later, maybe later. Now they had another battle to wage. “Tell me what’s going on.”

“She’s thirty-six weeks and went into labor about seven hours ago. It’s her second child, the first was an uncomplicated vaginal delivery.” Annie’s gaze followed the stretcher down the hall. “We knew the baby was breech, but she really wanted to try at home. Suzanne was with me. She’s delivered a lot of breeches, and we’ve been watching her carefully. External version seemed to work, but the baby flipped again and I think a foot is down. She’s stalled and I’m not comfortable with the whole situation.”

“Any prenatal problems?”

“Some edema that started at about seven months, but nothing else.” Annie shook her head. “I’ve been concerned about the presentation all along, and I told her we might need to change plans. She’s prepared.”

“All right. Let’s have a look.”

The ultrasound confirmed Annie’s impression. The baby was facing the right side, head up, and one leg down.

“The cord is low lying,” Hollis said to Annie as they reviewed the scan. “If we try for a vaginal delivery we risk cord compression, especially if we need to go to forceps.”

Annie sighed. “I’ll talk to her, unless you—”

“No,” Hollis said. “You have the relationship with her. Let’s go.”

“Dr. Monroe and I agree,” Annie said, taking Kathy’s hand. “The safest thing for the baby is to go with a C-section.”

“When?” Kathy’s gaze flicked to her husband, who nodded.

“It’s time,” Annie said. “Dr. Monroe will do the surgery as soon as the OR is ready.”

“Can you keep me awake?” Kathy looked at Hollis.

“That’s up to anesthesia,” Hollis said, “but we’ll try. You’ll need an epidural, and depending on how things go upstairs, you may need to be sedated or even given general anesthesia. But we’ll try.”

Kathy gripped her husband’s hand. “Can Frank—”

“Yes.” Hollis turned to Kathy’s husband. “You can stay at the head of the table with anesthesia while we do the delivery. Both of you will be able to see your baby as soon as we get her out.”

Annie squeezed Kathy’s arm. “This is the best thing. You can trust Hollis on this.”

“If it were you—” Kathy said, looking at Annie.

“I’d do whatever Dr. Monroe advised. I trust her.”

The words settled in Hollis’s heart like a soothing caress. Annie’s trust was the one thing in the world she wanted. At least here in the hospital, she had it. “We’ve got a plan, then.”

Annie smiled at Hollis. “Can you get me in too?”

“Yes.” Hollis nodded. “Come with me.”

*

“Here you go,” Hollis said, handing Annie a pair of faded green scrubs.

“Thank you.” Annie took the scrubs and put her bag in the bench. The locker room was empty and their voices echoed hollowly. Now that they were alone, she was hyperaware of Hollis’s every move. Hollis looked so damn good. Her hair was a little longer and wilder, her body a bit leaner. Her face was sharper, more austerely handsome. Annie ached to touch her. She gripped the scrubs to her chest.

Hollis opened a narrow metal locker. “You can put your clothes in here with mine.”

Annie hesitated to take off her shirt, then realized she was being foolish. Hollis, as if knowing undressing in front of her would make Annie uncomfortable, turned away to give her privacy. Hollis always seem to know what she needed. Annie quickly changed into the fresh scrubs and hung her clothes next to Hollis’s in the locker, a strangely intimate thing. “All set.”

“I don’t expect any problems,” Hollis said as they walked through the silent corridor to the OR, “but should there be a complication, the nurses will ask the husband to leave the room. You can stay if you feel that you want to.”

“All right. I appreciate you doing this.”

Hollis cut her a sharp glance. “Annie, she’s your patient too. Besides, the more all of us know about every aspect of our treatments, the better we’re going to be able to take care of our patients together.”

Annie smiled. “I think you’ve mellowed.”

Hollis laughed and some of the shadows disappeared from her eyes. “If I have, it’s your fault.”

“I’m not going to apologize for that,” Annie said, thinking of all the things she did want to apologize for. When she’d realized Kathy was going to need to deliver in the hospital, the only person she’d thought of was Hollis. She’d thought of Hollis every day since the last time she’d seen her. She’d wanted to call her, every single day, and in the last few days she’d gotten as far as scrolling to Hollis’s number. The only thing that kept her from completing the call was the fear of discovering she’d lost her chance to have what she hadn’t realized she’d wanted. She wanted more than friendship, and she wanted Hollis.

Hollis stopped in front of a line of stainless steel sinks with high curved faucets operated by foot pedals. “I’m going to scrub while they get her prepped. The nurses will show you where to stand.”

“Thanks.”

A nurse came out, nodded to Annie, and said to Hollis, “We’re ready, Hollis.”

“Be right there. Nora, this is Annie. She’s a midwife. Can you show her where to go?”

“Sure. Come on in with me.”

Annie took her place by Kathy’s right shoulder while the nurses prepped her abdomen with Betadine and draped everything with sterile sheets and towels. They stretched a drape across Kathy’s chest and attached it to IV poles, creating a barrier between the nonsterile and sterile areas. Past the sheet, the mound of Kathy’s belly was highlighted by the brilliant OR lights. Kathy was sedated, but aware. Her pupils were large, her expression lax. Frank stood on the opposite side of the narrow OR table, his hand on Kathy’s shoulder. His eyes above the surgical mask were calm. Annie smiled at him, even though she knew he couldn’t see most of her face. His eyes smiled back.

Hollis came through the swinging door, her hands held up in front of her. One of the nurses walked to her with an open gown, and Hollis slid her arms through the sleeves. The nurse helped her into gloves, and Hollis stepped up to the table.

“Ready, Andrea?” Hollis said.

“Go ahead.” The anesthesiologist bent down and murmured to Kathy. “We’re going to get your beautiful baby now.”

“Okay,” Kathy said slowly. “Sooner the better.”

Annie couldn’t take her eyes off Hollis. She didn’t need to see Hollis’s face to know she was completely focused on what she was doing. Her eyes above her mask were intense and strong. When she held out her left hand, the nurse slapped a scalpel into it without being asked and passed Hollis a snowy surgical sponge. Hollis made the incision and a bright, thin scarlet line blossomed on the mound of Kathy’s abdomen. Annie held her breath as everything surged into kaleidoscopic motion—Hollis’s fingers flowing over the incision, gleaming clamps passed from hand to hand, brilliant colors blooming. Tissues parted and the deep maroon uterus, lush with blood, rose into the wound bearing its astonishing contents.

“Get the suction ready,” Hollis said.

The neonatologist, who had come into the room five minutes earlier, moved closer. Hollis made a small incision in the uterus and the nurse handed her a large pair of scissors. The cut was rapid, and a gush of golden fluid flowed out of the uterus. Hollis slid her hand inside. A head appeared in the palm of Hollis’s hand, then shoulders, and then the entire body slid out into her waiting hands, the cord a white-blue coil as thick as Annie’s thumb still tethering the baby to her mother. Hollis cradled the baby in her hands while the nurse suctioned her mouth. The tiny chest expanded. The baby’s blue color blushed pink and she emitted a sharp cry of protest. Hollis laughed, a deep sound of pure pleasure, and Annie’s heart swelled.

Hollis rapidly clamped the cord and passed the baby to the waiting neonatologist. He quickly wrapped the baby in a sterile towel and moved to the head of the table.

“Here’s your daughter,” he said, holding her up so Kathy and Frank could see her.

Annie gazed at the baby and then at Hollis, who looked directly at her with a question in her eyes.

“She’s beautiful,” Annie said.

“Yes,” Hollis said, still holding Annie’s gaze.

Annie’s breath stopped and didn’t resume until Hollis turned back to the incision. She had been in Kathy’s place once, and how lucky she had been to have Hollis caring for her. Hollis, whose heart—generous and unwavering—matched her skill. How could she ever have doubted her? God, how could she ever have let her go?

After Hollis finished the surgery, Annie followed her out into the hall. “That was amazing. They’re both doing so well.”

Hollis stripped off her mask. “It was a good call on your part. I don’t think that baby would have come out without trouble otherwise.”

“Thanks. I liked watching you work.”

Hollis blushed. “Likewise.”

“Well.” Annie, suddenly at a loss for words, took a breath. “I’m glad I could see that. I’m glad I could see the baby.” She laughed. “It wasn’t hard to imagine that Callie looked like that.”

“She did, only like I said, more hair.” Hollis laughed.

Annie plunged on, heedless of the risk. She was more afraid of what she’d lose if she didn’t try. “I’m glad you were there back then—not just because you took such good care of us, Hollis, but because you were the one to see her first.”

Hollis swallowed. “I have to check Kathy in the recovery room.”

Too late. She was too late. Annie’s vision blurred and she turned away. There, at the end of the hall—an exit sign. “Of course. I can find my way out.”

“No! Annie wait.” Hollis grasped Annie’s forearm, turned her. “I mean, if you don’t mind waiting a few minutes, I’ll drive you home. You can wait in the lounge.”

Hollis’s eyes held uncharacteristic uncertainty.

“I’ll wait,” Annie said softly. “Don’t worry. I’ll wait.”