Dancing on the Wind

Chapter 30

As soon as the words came out of her mouth, Kit froze, wishing she could retract them.

It was too much to hope that he would let her remark pass. He fixed his too-observant gaze on her, his face unreadable in the dim light. "Is it the idea of having a child that bothers you, or is it marriage?"

Knowing that the only way to distract him was with a partial truth, she said, "I dislike the idea of being dragged to the altar to appease your notion of honor. It seems a poor foundation for a marriage."

He turned his head slightly, and a ray of light caught his eyes with a green, catlike flash. "So that's the problem. I should have guessed."

He took her hand, not pulling her toward him, but simply interlacing his fingers with hers. "I have been less than honest. Though I have talked about marriage as the right, honorable, and moral thing to do, I would not have offered if I hadn't wanted to marry you." He lifted their joined hands and kissed her fingertips. "There is already a great deal between us. I hope that in time there will be more."

She tried to pull her hand free. "But I don't think I want to be married."

His fingers locked on hers, preventing her retreat. "I'm not asking for your whole heart. A fairly small piece will do. I swear that I won't interfere with your work or try to come between you and your sister."

"Don't make promises you'll regret," she said miserably. "The less said now, the easier it will be to part later."

"I don't intend to part from you, my dear," he said calmly. "Not unless you loathe me so much you can't bear to be in the same room with me, and that doesn't appear to be the case."

"You may want me now," she said in a brittle voice, "but you haven't met Kira. After you do, you'll lose interest in me."

His hand clenched hard on hers. As clearly as if he had spoken, she sensed his shock and a searing edge of anger.

A burst of applause filled the theater. Soon the second act would end. When the applause died, Lucien said with scathing humor, "I once knew a man who said that women are like rugs-both need to be beaten regularly to keep them in good condition. I never agreed, but perhaps he had a point. Where did you get the nonsensical notion that I am going to fall madly in love with Kira as soon as I meet her?"

"Because everyone does!" Kit snapped. "She is whatever you like in me, and so much more."

"Even if you are right, her affections are engaged. At least Jason Travers seems to think so," he pointed out dryly. "So I shall have to settle for marrying you."

Though she knew he meant the words ironically, they were too painful to be amusing. "Marriage is one place where I won't happily settle for being second best to Kira. I'd rather be a spinster. In fact, I've planned on it all my life."

She wrenched her hand free. "When the time comes, be willing to fight for Kira. Jason is quite a man, but you surpass him. If you want her, you may well be able to win her." She turned and headed for the door. "I must leave now. I have to change my costume for the third act."

Swift as a panther, he slid across the box and blocked her exit. "It's much easier to have a twin of the opposite sex. Less competition," he said, so much compassion in his voice that she wanted to weep. "You haven't a very high opinion of love, do you? It's not a contest to be won; it's a bond that is forged between two hearts. The fact that you and Kira are virtually identical in appearance doesn't make you interchangeable to those who care about you. And while I'm gratified that you find me more attractive than Travers, it's doubtful that your sister will share your opinion."

Wearily she said, "You think I'm talking nonsense, but you haven't met Kira. You don't know the impact she'll have on you."

"I don't need to-I already know the impact you have on me." He caught her waist and kissed her hard, imprinting his anger and his determination with an intensity that left her shaken.

Raising his head, he said, "I will make allowances for the fact that your sister's disappearance has scrambled your wits. But don't think this conversation is over. When Kira is safe, it will be resumed, and when I am finished, you will believe me. I swear it."

It was fortunate that he released her then, for she was incapable of answering. She pulled her hood over her hair and gathered her mantle around her, then fled. She was barely in time. The applause in the theater indicated that the act was ending, and in a few moments the corridors would fill with people.

A narrow stairwell took her down to a ground-floor service passage. As she made her way backstage, she should have been thinking about her next scene, but she couldn't. Her mind was too full of the man who wouldn't go away even when he was pushed.

Knowing he was unready to face his theater guests, Lucien lingered in the empty box as the second interval began. It was hard to believe that a few minutes earlier he and Kit had been coupling with mind-drugging intensity-in the middle of a theater! He was definitely losing his mind.

Why couldn't he have become involved with a simpler woman?

Because simple women didn't interest him; didn't challenge him; didn't make him so mad with desire that he could escape his restless, overactive mind. And of course intimacy with lesser women had always proved more painful than it was worth. Kit might leave him frothing, but at least he wasn't depressed.

It would be easier if he could dismiss Kit's misgivings outright, but he couldn't quite do that. His heart didn't believe he could want another woman more than her. However, his too-rational head pointed out that he had never met Lady Kristine Travers. Could she really be another Kit, only more so-more refreshing, more stimulating, more desirable?

Nonsense! Yet as long as Kit believed that he would inevitably prefer her twin, she would withhold her heart. It was one more reason to find Kira as quickly as possible.

He leaned on the railing and gazed down into the pit, not seeing the milling theatergoers below. The argument with Kit had brought him face-to-face with a hidden motive of his own. In the past he had always been very careful to avoid fathering a child. His near-celibacy in recent years had made that easy.

Yet with Kit, he had not been careful at all. The simple explanation was that she aroused him to a fever where restraint was impossible. But he knew himself well enough to recognize that he wanted to get her pregnant so that she would have to marry him. Instead of protecting the woman he loved, he was trying to coerce her, to trap her so securely that it would be impossible for her to fly away. Even worse, his selfish behavior might be endangering Kit's crucial bond with her sister.

It was not an insight he was proud of. Yet if he had another opportunity to make love to her, he suspected he would behave exactly the same way.

His mind skipped to an incident from his university days. An aristocratic bully at Christ Church College had issued a challenge to another student, a mild young man named Whitman who had had the temerity to disagree with the bully. Though Whitman had no experience of dueling, honor demanded that he accept the challenge even though injury or death was the likely outcome.

The approaching duel had become known among other students. Everyone deplored a match that would be so uneven, but because of the gentlemen's code, no one would intervene, except Lucien. A little investigation had revealed that the bully had sexual preferences that would have ruined him in society forever. Lucien had used that knowledge ruthlessly to blackmail the bully into dropping the challenge and issuing an apology to Whitman.

By chance Rafe had learned of Lucien's role in preventing the duel. Gray eyes cool and thoughtful, he had said, "You really are rather amoral, aren't you?"

The remark had not been offered as condemnation- Rafe had been glad when the duel was stopped-but as impartial assessment. Nonetheless, the words had stung. It was a tribute to the power of friendship that their relationship had been unaffected.

And, of course, Rafe had been right. Though Lucien did not consider himself to be without honor, he had never hesitated to set honor aside for what he considered a good reason. That trait had made him an excellent spymaster, but it was clear proof that being able to trace one's noble ancestors to the Norman Conquest and beyond did not make a man a true gentleman.

With a wry smile, he went into the corridor and headed toward his own box. Kit had the temperament of a reformer; he would provide her with ample opportunity to practice her skills.

Lucien entered his box just as the audience was settling down for the final act. Only Ives, Chiswick, and Westley were present. Chiswick cocked an amused eye at him. "You look as if you found better diversion than the second act of the play."

Not only was that true, but acknowledgment would enhance his rakish reputation. "I ran into a friend who wished to discuss politics," Lucien said blandly. "A most absorbing conversation."

"From the crushed look of your cravat, you must have entered into the discussion with enthusiasm," Sir James said slyly.

"Quite. Always an enthralling subject, politics." Lucien took his seat. "Did Mace and Nunfield lose interest in the play and leave?"

Ives said, "Yes, they asked me to offer their regrets for the defection. Nunfield said he felt an attack of luck coming on, and he had to get to a gaming table before it went away."

Lucien wondered if the departures were significant. Perhaps not, since the gentlemen in question were easily bored pleasure seekers. With a mental shrug, he turned his attention to Sir Digby Upright's clever revenge on his enemy.

At the climax of the play, Kit came on in a demure gown and tearfully confessed that the villain had forced her to appear at the ball and slander Sir Digby by threatening to send her dear old granny to debtor's prison. Her testimony sealed the villain's fate. Society applauded Sir Digby's ruthless destruction of his enemy; his comely wife welcomed him back with open arms; and the prime minister appointed him to a position with more power, prestige, and wealth than his previous one. A triumph for justice, and a very successful production for the theater. Scandal Street would probably be in the Marlowe's repertory for years to come.

Kit received special acclaim from the audience even though her part had been small. She had looked so convincingly weepy in her last scene that Lucien felt guilty. He didn't like being at odds with her, didn't like adding to the terrible strain she was enduring. He would call on her in the morning and go over some of the information on property ownership he had uncovered.

Surely, if he tried hard enough, he could keep his hands off her long enough for them to have a rational discussion.

Rather than stay for the brief farce that was to be performed after the main play, Lucien and his companions decided to go to Watier's, a club with good gambling and even better food. As their carriage clattered along Piccadilly, Lucien turned the conversation to Cassie James.

Chiswick made a number of admiring comments, sounding exactly like a man who had just seen her for the first time. Westley had also been impressed by her, though his attitude was more casual. Even to a listener as attuned to lies as Lucien, there was no hint that either man might be the kidnapper.

Lucien tried to concentrate on his subtle interrogation,but he found himself becoming more and more anxious about Kit. Though he had made arrangements to see that she got home safely, he couldn't escape the feeling that he should have escorted her himself. That was doubly true because his conversation with the remaining Hellions was proving so fruitless.

His uneasiness continued to grow as they made then-way along busy Piccadilly. They were almost to Watier's when Westley's voice penetrated his abstraction. "Strathmore, are you still with us?"

Lucien's attention snapped back to the present, and he realized that someone had asked him a question. He also realized that he didn't give a damn what it was. He must go to Kit now.

He rapped on the roof for the coachman to stop. As the carriage slowed, he said, "I just realized that I forgot another engagement. I'll have to give Watier's a miss. Sorry."

Before any of the other men could comment, he leaped from the carriage and bounded across the street to catch a hackney coach that was discharging passengers. "The Marlowe Theater, please," he snapped as he climbed inside. "And there's an extra five quid in it if you make the trip in less than ten minutes."

"You've got it, guv," the driver said enthusiastically.

The coach lurched forward so quickly that Lucien had to grab a ragged strap to keep from being pitched to the floor. As he braced himself, he wondered why the devil he was so concerned.

Kit stopped in the green room, scanning faces and watching reactions, just in case. But nothing significant occurred, so after a brief stay she went to her dressing room. She was bone-weary, and not only because of her exertions on stage. Passion was exhausting, and disagreeing with Lucien even more so.

By the time she had changed into her regular clothing, Henry Jones arrived. " 'Evening, miss," he said with a respectful nod. "Are you ready to go home?"

"I certainly am."

Henry consulted his pocket watch. "Lord Strathmore's coach should be here in another fifteen or twenty minutes."

She pulled on her cloak. "I don't want to wait that long. Let's walk. It's not far, and I could use the fresh air." Brushing past the Runner, she headed toward the theater exit.

"His lordship was most particular that you should go in his coach. He's sending two armed footmen with it," Henry said as he followed her down the hall. "You might be in danger."

"If this were tomorrow night, I'd agree, but surely even the most efficient villain would have trouble organizing an abduction when he is right under Lord Strathmore's nose." When Henry showed signs of protesting again, she added, "If you will recall, I'm the one who hired you, and I want to walk."

The Runner frowned. "His lordship is not the sort I like to cross. A very forceful man."

She put on her fiercest face, the one she and Kira had perfected as children when they wanted to scare goblins under the bed. "And I am a very forceful woman, Mr. Jones. Are you coming with me or not?"

He chuckled, tacitly conceding defeat. "I'll tell the porter that we've gone so he can tell Strathmore's coachman."

The brisk air of the Strand dissipated some of her fatigue, but it could not alleviate her depression. She had been a fool to tell Lucien that he would fall in love with Kira when, God willing, they met. Of course he had been outraged; no man of honor or sensitivity could have accepted Kit's statement. But he didn't know. He didn't know.

Kit had never resented her sister's ability to effortlessly enchant every male between the ages of two and ninety-five, mostly because there had never been a man whom Kit had really wanted for herself. Except for Philip Burke, who had visited friends in Westmoreland the summer the twins had been sixteen. He had been a handsome, witty, university student of twenty. For the first time in her life Kit had desperately wanted a man to think she was special.

But in spite of her best efforts, it was Kira who had captured Philip's fancy. He had joined the eager crowd of admirers around her and scarcely noticed Kit's existence. That had hurt a little-more than a little-but Kit had not blamed her sister. It wasn't as if Kira had deliberately tried to win Philip's regard; she had merely been her usual charming self.

With Lucien it would be much harder. There was a good chance that Kira would choose Jason because of what was already between them. In that case Lucien would doubtless feel obligated to stand by his offer to Kit. However, she could never marry him, knowing it was her sister who he really wanted-and clever though Lucien was, he would be unable to deceive her about which sister he preferred.

For one of the few times in her life, Kit wished she was not a twin. The thought vanished as quickly as it had come, for it was impossible to imagine her life without her sister. When they were very small, they had resolved not to marry unless they could find suitable twin brothers. When they were older, they had discussed how dreadful it would be for the survivor when one of them died. Solemnly, they had decided that when they were very old and feeble, they would hold hands and jump off a cliff together so that they would die at the same time.

Oh, Kira, Kira…

She shivered and tightened her cloak around her throat, feeling suddenly chilled. If her sister died, Kit knew there was a very real chance that she would jump off that cliff alone.