Family Ties

Chapter 14

Annie didn’t have to call Ted this time. He called her himself the next morning and asked to have lunch with her that day. He had stayed at Pattie’s the night before, so he hadn’t called her. He couldn’t. The kids had gone to their father’s for the night, and Pattie had threatened Ted with suicide again, and then made love to him as never before. The sex just got better and better, but there was something so intense and frantic about it that sometimes it frightened him. The hook she used to keep him close to her was sex. It was addictive, but the threat she had made the night before woke him up. He never wanted to have her suicide on his hands. And she sounded like she meant it. She had said it several times.

Ted looked somber when he met Annie at Bread, which she knew he liked. And when Annie saw him walk toward her, her heart ached for him. He didn’t have to say a word to her. She could see that he was in way, way over his head, and he knew it whether he admitted it to her or not. Annie was worried sick about him.

They talked about school and her ankle for a few minutes to break the ice, and then Annie got straight to the point.

“How involved are you with this woman? And what does she want from you? She must be close to forty, and you’re just a kid.” It was what he had expected her to say.

“She’s thirty-six. It happened right after Thanksgiving. She teaches my contracts class, and I got a shit grade on a quiz. She offered to have me come over so she could help me, and the next thing I knew I was in bed with her. I’ve been there ever since.” He was as honest as he always was. He never mentioned love. “But I got straight A’s in contracts,” he said with a rueful grin. And he tried to make light of the situation he was in. And didn’t mention that he was barely passing his other classes. He couldn’t cope with Pattie and the demands of law school too.

“Is this serious? Are you in love with her?” Annie looked at him intently. He didn’t look in love to her. He looked worried.

“I don’t know,” he said honestly, and then he told Annie about Pattie’s threat the night before, to kill herself if he ever left her. He hadn’t planned to tell Annie, but Pattie had shaken him badly and he trusted his aunt’s advice. She was wise, and had always been there for him. Pattie was new to him and seemed a little unstable.

“That’s a terrible thing to say to you. She can’t hold on to you by terror and guilt. That’s blackmail, not love,” Annie said, looking outraged.

“She doesn’t want to lose me. I think she’s already been through too much, with the divorce.” Ted tried to be understanding about it.

“Lots of people are divorced, Ted. They don’t go around threatening to kill themselves if their new relationships don’t work out. That’s sick.”

“I know.” He looked upset, and she didn’t want to criticize him for the mess he was in, he was rattled enough, and justifiably so.

“What can I do to help?” Annie said quietly. “Maybe you should try getting a little space from her now, before this gets any worse, or she gets more dependent on you than she already is. Are the kids aware of all this?” Ted shook his head.

“They’re sweet kids and I like them. They’re at their father’s whenever I stay over. They have joint custody. And he’s a pretty good dad. I want to be with her, Annie. I just don’t want it to be this intense.”

“Maybe that’s all she knows how to do. People like that worry me too. Try to take a little distance from her, for your own sake. Tell her you need it.”

“She goes insane when I do.” Annie was at a loss to tell him what to do. She had never dealt with anyone as unbalanced as that, and she was sad that Ted had gotten as deeply into it as he had. She had a strong sense that Pattie had manipulated him into it and knew exactly what she was doing. He was an innocent, and Pattie knew it too.

They talked about the relationship all through lunch, and Ted felt a little better when he went back to his own apartment, instead of Pattie’s. Annie had given him good advice. He called and told Pattie he was going to stay at his place that night. He said he had some things to do, and some papers to write. Annie had given him the courage to do that.

“You’re cheating on me, aren’t you?” Pattie accused him over the phone, and his heart sank.

“Of course not. I just have some stuff to do here.”

“Is it your aunt? Is that it? What did she do? Bribe you to stay away from me?” She sounded desperate and on the verge of hysterics. In a short time she had taken possession of his life. He had become her willing slave, and now in the face of her threats and accusations, he felt trapped.

“My aunt wouldn’t do something like that,” Ted said calmly. “She’s a wonderful woman. She’s concerned about us, but she respects my right to make my own choices and decisions. She’s not crazy, and she wouldn’t bribe me.”

“Are you suggesting I’m crazy?” she said, sounding very wound up. “Well, I’m not. I’m crazy about you, and I don’t want anyone interfering with us.”

“No one is. Just give it a rest. I’ll come over tomorrow. We can take the kids to the park.”

“They’re going to be with their father for the weekend.” There was a hopeful note in her voice when she said it, and he knew what that meant. Sexual acrobatics worthy of the Olympics for two days. He suddenly felt exhausted thinking about it, and yet he was instantly aroused when she said things like that. It was as though his body were betraying him and wanted her more than he did, and he no longer had a choice in the matter. His penis was addicted to her and taking orders from her.

“I’ll call you tomorrow,” he promised, and lay down on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He had no idea what he was going to do, or even what he wanted to do. He belonged to her now. He felt possessed. Everything Annie had said to him at lunch made sense. But Pattie was in control, and he wasn’t. It felt like there was nothing he or Annie could do. Pattie was running the show.

A week after their first lunch, Tom Jefferson called Annie at her office again. He said he was in the neighborhood for a meeting, and he wondered if she wanted to have an impromptu lunch before he had to go back to the office. It sounded like fun to her, and he met her at the Café Cluny, which was one of her favorite haunts. He was waiting for her out front, and they walked in together. He was in good spirits. She was still on crutches, and his arm was still in a cast, but neither of them was hurting from their injuries anymore. He told her about a big story he was working on, and that he might have to go to California to spend time with the governor. She loved hearing about his work, and his old war stories. And when he talked about his experiences in the Middle East, she told him that Kate was dating a boy from Iran, and was in love with him.

He saw the tenderness in her eyes when she mentioned Katie, and it struck him that her nieces and nephew seemed to add a dimension in her life that was unfamiliar to him since he’d never had children. He could sense how much she loved them, and he had the feeling that her nieces and nephew had lives and opinions of their own.

“He’s a very nice boy,” she said about Paul. “Polite, kind, intelligent, thoughtful, good values, respectful. He’s every mother’s dream. But I’ve been concerned about her going out with someone whose background and culture are so different from her own, even if he’s very American and he’s lived here since he was fourteen. Ultimately their ideas might be very divergent. She’s a very liberated young woman. And her ideas can be very extreme at times. He seems a lot more conservative and traditional than she is. That might not work later, if there is a ‘later.’ And I get the feeling they’re very serious about each other.”

“What do his parents think?” Tom asked sensibly.

“I don’t know. I haven’t met them. Kate’s pretty New Age, with a dozen pierced earrings and a couple of tattoos. She’s working in a tattoo parlor right now. If his parents are surviving that, they must be more liberal than I am. I almost had a heart attack when she told me about her job. She considers it an internship in graphic arts.” Tom laughed at the idea and could imagine what she looked like.

“Are Kate and Paul that serious about each other? Are they talking marriage?” It was a reasonable question, given her concerns.

“No. They’re very young,” Annie said, smiling at him. “She’s only twenty-one, and he’s twenty-three. I think it’s first love for both of them. They’re both pretty naïve. It’s hard to take them too seriously, but I still worry. And I think I’d be concerned about any boy, from anywhere. I don’t want her to get her heart broken, or get into a situation she’ll regret later, that could lead to heartbreak for both of them.”

“Don’t forget Romeo and Juliet. Kids can get pretty crazy when they’re young. But if you say he’s a nice kid, I’m sure they’ll be fine. She’s probably more sensible than you think.”

She told him about Ted then and the older woman and how concerned she was about it. “Women like that can be dangerous,” Tom said seriously. “She sounds obsessive.” She did to Annie too, and she hadn’t stopped thinking about it since she’d seen them together and then had lunch with Ted, and he had been candid with Annie about his own concerns. “They keep you busy, don’t they?”

“More so now than when they were younger. They took more time then with Little League and soccer games and ballet classes. But now they worry me more. The decisions they have to make are so much bigger, and the risks to them are greater. And they don’t always see that and the dangers they’re facing.” She looked worried as she said it. “And my older niece is commitment phobic and a workaholic. I feel more and more helpless as they get older.”

“Yeah, but it’s their lives, not yours,” Tom reminded her gently.

“That’s easy to say and not so easy to live with,” Annie said with a wistful expression.

“Maybe if you cultivate more of a life of your own,” Tom suggested cautiously, “they’ll become more independent. You can’t be there for them forever, at the expense of your own life. Sixteen years is a long time.” She didn’t disagree with him, but she couldn’t imagine unhooking from them now. And he surprised her with his next question. “Do you think there’s room for a man in your life now, Annie? It sounds like you’ve waited a long time to have a life of your own.” He had figured that out from all that she had told him. “Maybe you don’t think you deserve one. It sounds like you’ve fulfilled your promise to your sister. You can’t give up your own life for them forever.” She nodded. She knew what he said was true. She just didn’t know how to do it, or when.

“I think there’s room,” she said simply. “I just haven’t tried having a life in a long time,” or even wanted one. The kids had fulfilled all her emotional needs for so long, and taken up all her time, energy, and attention.

Tom was totally intrigued by her and all that she had accomplished, but he could also see that he had to cross an obstacle course to get to her. He thought she was worth it. “Would you like to have dinner next week?”

“Why don’t you come by next Sunday night and meet the kids? We can go out for a grown-up dinner another time.” She wanted him to meet her family and see what her life was about. He liked the idea, and also of taking her out alone. There was time for both.

“I’ll call you on Sunday and see what your plans are,” he promised. She smiled, and they continued chatting until they left the restaurant. And he told her that if he had to leave for California, he’d call her. He still traveled a great deal, although not as much abroad as in the past.

Annie had enjoyed the lunch with Tom, and when she went back to her office, she liked the idea of having him to dinner on Sunday night. She told Katie that evening to be home for dinner on Sunday, and said she could invite Paul. She wanted Tom to meet him. And she left a message for Ted and asked him to come home to dinner on Sunday night. She didn’t mention Tom, and she didn’t include Pattie in the invitation. And she hoped that Liz would be home from L.A. by then too. She knew it was a short trip, but she hadn’t said when she’d be back, and Annie hadn’t heard from her since she left. She knew Liz was too busy to call her. She was excited about inviting Tom to meet them.

That night before she went to sleep, she pondered his question to her if there was room in her life for a man now. She liked him and enjoyed talking to him-they never ran out of subjects that interested them both. But the real answer to his question was that she just wasn’t sure. After all these years of living “like a nun,” as Katie put it, she didn’t know if there was room for a man, or even if she wanted one anymore. It had been so long. And life was so much easier like this. It was a hard decision to make at forty-two, whether she wanted to stay alone, or take on the risks of caring about a man again. She didn’t know what she wanted, although Tom was very appealing. She wasn’t completely sure either if she wanted to close that door and give up on relationships forever. That door stood ajar now, waiting for her to open it wide, or quietly close it and turn the key.

Liz’s trip to California went extremely well. She met interesting people, saw fabulous jewelry, and had done great research about the stars the pieces originally belonged to. There wasn’t a hitch, and at the end of two days of constant shooting and interviews at people’s homes, she was able to pack up and take the red-eye home. It helped that they had no jewelry to return to suppliers-it all stayed with the current owners. She didn’t even have time to call Jean-Louis when she left. She ran through the airport to catch the last plane to New York, the red-eye. She was still on Paris time and exhausted. She was hoping to get a breather once she got back to New York, at least for a few days. And she was excited to be going home two days earlier than planned. Paris had been grueling, and L.A. had been fun but a lot of work. She fell asleep before they even took off.

She didn’t wake up until the plane landed at JFK in New York. She had only brought carry-on, so she was out of the airport in no time and gave the cab driver her address. And then she thought better of it and decided to go to the loft. It was six in the morning and too early to call Jean-Louis, but she knew where the key was and could let herself in and just slip into his bed. She had done that lots of times in the past year when she got back from trips. She was outside his building by six-thirty in the morning. And she took the key from behind the fire extinguisher in the hallway and let herself in and the room was dark. Jean-Louis had installed shutters when he moved in, like the ones in France. He said he slept better that way, and he was right. Whenever Lizzie slept at his place, she sometimes didn’t wake until two in the afternoon, if she was particularly tired or jet-lagged or just back from a trip. The total darkness made her sleep peacefully for hours.

She knew her way around the loft perfectly, and there was a hairline crack of light from the bathroom that helped her find the bed. She dropped her clothes on the floor next to it and slid in next to him and gently put her arms around him, and as she did, there was a sudden scream. She didn’t know who it was, but it was not Jean-Louis. She sat bolt upright in the bed, and so did he, as he turned on the light with a rapid gesture. They looked at each other, and then Lizzie looked into the space in the bed between them, and found herself staring at Françoise, his ex-girlfriend and Damien’s mother. All three of them looked startled, and Lizzie leaped out of bed. The body she had cuddled up to in the dark was Françoise, not Jean-Louis.

“What the hell is this?” Liz said as she stared at him. She was so shocked that she forgot to get dressed, and all three of them were naked. “I thought you were just friends.”

“We have a child together,” Jean-Louis explained, looking very Gallic. Françoise just lay there and looked at the ceiling. She looked perfectly comfortable in his bed and made no effort to move, despite the heated discussion between Liz and Jean-Louis. She acted as though it had nothing to do with her.

“What does that have to do with anything?” Liz shouted at him. “What is she doing here?” Françoise propped herself up on one elbow then and looked at them both, taking in the scene, and Liz shot her an angry look. Françoise didn’t even look embarrassed.

“She had a job here this week, and she dropped by to say hello,” Jean-Louis explained weakly. There was nothing he could say to clean this up.

“This looks like a lot more than hello to me.” Liz narrowed her eyes at him then and reached for her clothes on the floor. “You said you were faithful to me, you asshole.” She got dressed as she said it. Françoise got up and walked past her to the bathroom.

“I am faithful to you,” he insisted to Liz. “I love you. Françoise and I are just good friends.”

“Bullshit. Tell that to someone else. This is cheating. That’s all it is.” And she was sure now that the underwear she had found in the drawer in his Paris apartment was more recent than four years. She wondered how long he’d been sleeping with her, or if he’d ever stopped. Françoise looked totally at ease in the loft and his bed.

“Don’t be such a puritan about this,” Jean-Louis said, unwinding himself from the sheets and coming to stand next to her. “These things happen. It doesn’t mean anything.” He tried to put his arms around Liz, and she wouldn’t let him.

“It does to me.” She felt foolish now for how stupid she’d been and how trusting. Men like Jean-Louis were never faithful to anyone. She realized that he had probably cheated on her for the past year and that his idea of “exclusive” had nothing to do with hers and meant nothing. “I should have known better,” Liz said to him, as Françoise wandered into the living room and lit one of Jean-Louis’s Gitanes. She was completely passive, and the uncomfortable scene didn’t seem to upset her at all, and Lizzie knew she had a boyfriend too. They all screwed anything that moved.

Liz’s fatal stupidity was believing that Jean-Louis was different. Men with that much charm were just never faithful. It wasn’t in their DNA. She knew it but always tried to tell herself that it would be different this time, but it never was. Jean-Louis was just like all the other men she had dated. They were all clones of each other. She always picked the ones who couldn’t be faithful or commit. It fit perfectly with her own fear of commitment and provided an inevitable end. She had been part of scenes like this too often before.

“Don’t you have any morality at all?” she said, looking at him with disgust. “I’m better than this, and smarter. I don’t know why I believed you.” She didn’t love him, she was clear on that, but she had liked him a lot, and trusted him, which had been a huge mistake. Men like him were all she ever met in her world, and all she ever wanted. The fashion scene was full of them. Men who wanted to act like boys forever and never played by the rules. There were no rules, there was just fun. And in the end someone always got hurt. She was tired of it. She had her clothes back on by then and looked at him with contempt.

“You’re a jerk, Jean-Louis, and a poor excuse for a man. And worse than that, you’re a lousy father. You make pathetic excuses for not being there for your son, and for dumping him on someone else. I deserved better than you, but more importantly, so does he. Why don’t you and Françoise wake up and grow up, instead of indulging yourselves all the time?” She looked straight at him and at Françoise on the way out. Jean-Louis said not a word as Liz walked out and slammed the door. She was shocked to realize she wasn’t even sad as she ran down the stairs, she was relieved. She was finished with guys like him. She was grown up. He never would be.

She made a vow to herself as she hailed a cab. She was never going to settle for a guy like him again. She’d rather be alone than waste her time. She rolled down the window and let the cold air fly in her face as they drove across town. She felt totally free at last. She wasn’t angry, she wasn’t sad. She was ready to move on.