Fighting to Forget

Thirty

Rex

It’s ten a.m., and I’m sitting in Jonah’s living room. Gia’s at my side, her body curled into mine with one hand on my thigh, grounding me.

I hold her there, communicating how badly I need her, especially now.

Raven’s tucked into Jonah’s side while she explains to her mom, Milena, why we’re all here today. The woman who doesn’t look much older than Raven with long black hair and big brown eyes wide with shock, stares at me. She’s sitting upright, and her hand grips her neck as we wait for a reaction.

Wait for answers.

And hopefully hear the truth.

“. . . and because of all that, Gia believes that Rex is Dominick’s son.” Raven finishes off the story that Gia told me last night and we shared with the Slade’s this morning.

Milena’s eyes, dark and comforting, find mine. They narrow as she studies my face for so long I fight the urge to look away. “I can see the resemblance. As awful as Dominick was, he was very handsome. Your eyes, mouth”—she tilts her head—“jawline, you could very well be his.”

Jonah clears his throat, his face still registering disbelief from when I told him this morning. “Milena, Rex is three years older than Raven. Do you remember anything about Dominick having other children?”

She knots her fingers in her lap and then looks up at Jonah. “Dominick was the most egotistical man I’d ever known. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had several illegitimate children.” Her eyes find mine. “What was your mother’s name?”

Emotion burns my throat. Her name and her medical records are all that I have. Even when my memories came back, not a single one of my mom resurfaced. “Sofia Marie Carter.” My voice cracks at the last word as all that I’ve lost crashes over me. Gia squeezes my leg.

Milena squints, her gaze moving from me to just over my shoulder. “Sofia . . .” Silence hangs in the air while we wait.

Is it possible that Milena might have known her? Nothing in the paperwork said anything about her being a prostitute. As far as I know, she was employed as a cleaning lady. Not the most glamorous job, but it was honest. Legit. None of the bullshit a man like Dominick was messed up in.

“Is there anything else you can tell me about her?” Milena says.

I shake my head, and the hope of learning something new about my mom slips through my fingers.

Gia shifts at my side and leans forward. “Sofia committed suicide when Rex was five. She was found in her car, not far from her apartment, with a self-inflicted gunshot wound.”

Milena’s face pales, and she slowly covers her mouth with a shaky hand. “Oh God.” Her eyes go distant again. “Mary.”

Gia and I look at each other quickly, and Raven rushes to her mother’s side.

“Mom, who’s Mary?”

Milena’s eyes clear, and she studies me as if she’s seeing me for the first time. “Mary was one of Dominick’s housemaids.”

My heart explodes, hammering away and rejuvenating my hope. “Yeah, she was a cleaning lady.” I nod for her to go on.

“I didn’t know her well, but I remember her. She was so beautiful. Dark hair. Dominick loved being surrounded by women with dark hair. When I was pregnant and in Dominick’s home, she was there. She always looked sad, and I would catch her absently wiping things down while she was transfixed on Dominick.”

“Why transfixed?”

“My guess? Unrequited love.” Milena shakes her head. “Dominick had a way of making a girl feel as if the earth began and ended at her feet. He poured it on so heavy you couldn’t see through it if you’d tried.” Her expression sobers. “But when he took it away, decided you weren’t worth it, the rejection was crippling. You’d go from queen of his world to less than the scum beneath his foot.”

That would make sense. All the hospital reports said that they found medication for depression all over my mom’s apartment. She was alone, raising a child that she probably thought was conceived in love and then abandoned—rejected and cast aside like garbage.

Something clicks deep in my soul, and in this moment, I know this is the answer I was looking for.

“One afternoon Dominick stopped by the house where I was living with Raven. He was in a bad mood. I could tell by the way he stomped up to my front door. I didn’t ask, but he’d taken a call. I’ll never forget it. He told whoever he was talking to that Mary died. Her son needed to be taken care of until he could figure out what to do with him.” She shakes her head. “I didn’t know Mary had a son, but looking at you now, Rex, you’re the spitting image of her.”

I drop my chin to my chest and breathe, trying to keep breathing and not give in to the lung-constricting truth.

My mom was in love with the devil.

They made a baby.

Me.

Half evil, half beauty.

“Rex,” Raven says and I nod, but don’t look up. “We’ve got an appointment to get the blood test today. Don’t get upset until you know for sure.”

I shake my head. “I’m not upset. I’m processing.”

Gia squeezes my thigh, but I keep my eyes to my lap and think about my mom. Dominick thieved her love and abused her devotion. And because of that she’s dead. The information settles like a brick in my gut.

“What time is the sibling test?” I’m ready to get this over with, get my answers, and move on.

“Two, but the lab we’re using is the same that the UFL uses, so I was able to pull some strings to get us in and give us results while we’re there. Nothing says that if we show up they won’t take us early,” Jonah says.

I nod. “Let’s go. I want answers. I think I’ve waited long enough.”

~*~

“The purpose of the sibling test is to see if Raven and Rex have shared genetic markers. If they do, that will result in a positive, meaning they share a parent.” The guy wearing the white lab coat explains the science behind the test as if I care. I don’t. I’m just ready to find out so I can move on.

“The test is completely painless.” He holds up a long Q-Tip. “The swab will collect a DNA sample from the inside of your cheek.”

He goes on and on talking, but I tune him out and concentrate on the woman at my side. Gia hasn’t let go of my hand all day except to hop into my truck, but as soon as I climbed into the driver’s seat she snatched it back into hers. I pull her hand into my lap, and she turns to me with a small but reassuring smile.

“Rex, open up.” The lab guy gets the sample first from me and then Raven.

It’s silent as he ushers us into a large waiting room furnished with comfortable chairs to wait for the results.

Raven and Jonah sit across the room with Sadie asleep in the stroller.

Gia and I sit down next to Milena, who insisted on coming with us. She hasn’t spoken at all since she told me everything she knows about my mom.

“Milena, thanks for giving me back a little piece of her,” I say.

She looks up and nods.

“As of about six months ago, I didn’t remember my childhood. When I remembered, none of the memories of her came back. If you remember something about her, anything at all, will you call me?”

“I’ll try, but don’t get your hopes up. I remember very little from my childhood as well.”

Laughter bursts from my lips as I consider the group of misfits in this room. Parentless, raised by strangers, or conceived under horrible situations, we all found each other.

My entire life I’ve felt like the outsider hiding the shameful feelings that I couldn’t explain, but not anymore. In this room, with this group of individuals, we’re equals, sharing in the struggle life set before us and similar in our circumstances. It’s as if God brought us together to normalize our feelings and give us each other to lean on, confide in, and support in return.

She shrugs one shoulder. “You know, looking back on it, Dominick had a type.” Her gaze meets mine. “Mary was a very beautiful woman. And Dominick loved to break the beauty in all things.”

“My mom, from what I’ve read, was very broken.”

“I’m sorry for your loss, but as a mother speaking for another mother, I can say she would’ve been very proud of you, Rex.”

I swallow the knot that forms in my throat at hearing those words. “Thank you.”

Sadie’s soft cries come from the stroller. “I’ll get her.” Milena takes the baby and Raven pulls out a blanket and a bottle.

The door swings open. “Mrs. Slade and Mr. Carter, we have the results.”

Gia looks at me, her warm gray eyes offering a mix of anticipation and comfort.

“Rex?” Raven’s standing beside me. “Would it be all right if just you and I go back?”

Jonah’s eyebrows drop low. “Baby . . .?”

She looks at him. “Please, Jonah. If the results turn out the way we think they might, let us hear it together, alone”—her gaze swings to Gia—“if that’s okay with you.”

Gia wraps her arm around my waist and pushes up on her tiptoes, pressing a slow warm kiss to my jaw. “Of course.”

Jonah pushes back Raven’s long hair and dips down to place a kiss at the side of her neck. “We’ll be waiting. I love you.”

Raven nods and reaches out for my hand. I take it and we move from the room and follow the lab tech to a private one.

Once inside, he asks us to take a seat. Raven drops into a chair but doesn’t let go of my hand. Too antsy, I stay standing.

“After taking a look at both of your DNA profiles, it would seem that you two share a significant amount of genetic markers that would lead us to conclude you share one parent.”

My heart races and Raven’s grip on my hand tightens.

“So you’re saying . . .” I need to hear him say it, plain and simple.

“You’re half brother and sister.” His eyes go back and forth between us. “Although, it’s pretty obvious just from looking at you two that you share some dominant genes.” He smiles and hands us each a piece of paper. “Here’s a copy of the results. It’s 98.9%, which is admissible in court.”

Raven doesn’t look at the paper but lifts her chin to look up at me. She drops my hand and stands; her eyes glisten with tears. “Brother.”

“Guess so.” I smile and hook her around the back of the neck, pulling her in for a hug. “Sister.”

She giggles through her tears. “I thought Jonah already gave me everything, but here I am getting more.”

My chest swells with the warmth of her words, her love for her husband, a man who’s been there for me from the day I met him. And now we’re officially related. “Who would’ve thought the two of us coming from nothing would end up with more than our fair share?”

“Speaking of fair share”—she grins—“I’m signing over 50% of all Dominick’s assets to you.”

What the fuck? “Raven, no. I don’t want that—”

“Too bad.” She shakes her head. “You share his blood; you share his burden.”

“Keep it for Raven’s Nest.”

“We have enough to keep Raven’s Nest funded for the next thousand years. Now it’s your turn. Do your part to break his legacy and use his money to do it.”

Yeah, that’s what I’ll do. There’re group homes that are overflowing with kids who’re too old to be adopted, children who’ve been abused who need counseling, so much need and not enough people trying to eradicate it. I could use that money to help, do what I can to ensure that a child doesn’t suffer the way I did.

“Okay, I’ll do it.”

She smiles. “Great. Now let’s go tell that brother-in-law of yours that he’s finally getting the little brother he’s always wanted.”

We thank the lab tech and move back to the waiting room. Before opening the door, we take a collective breath.

Jonah, Milena, and Gia are all standing up, anxious for the results.

“Well?” Jonah’s eyes move back and forth between us.

My eyes move to Gia, the girl who dropped into my life, ripped me to shreds, and then put me back together to be better, stronger. “You were right.”

Jonah claps his hands. “Fuck yeah!” He rushes me and Raven, pulls her into a hug and gives me a fist bump. “Welcome to the family, brother!”

Gia, gray eyes shining, her red hair falling in soft wisps around her face, watches me cross to her. I sift my fingers through her hair, tucking it behind her ear, and run my lips across hers. “You fought for me from the beginning; even when they all said you were crazy, you fought.”

“And you fought for me.” Tears pool in her eyes, spilling over her lower lids. “I’d be dead if it weren’t for you.”

Unable to stand the space between us for another second, I pull her into my arms, and she does the same, wrapping me up so tight it’s hard to breathe.

“This is good news, Rex. It means answers and family.” She tilts her head back to look at me. “It’s a start to healing.”

I grin and kiss her head, soaking in her words of encouragement, forever grateful for the woman in my arms. “I love you, Gia.”

“I love you too, Rex.”