Fighting to Forget

Epilogue

Gia

“Are you sure we’re doing this right?” I stand back and study the six-foot Christmas tree that’s sitting crooked in its stand, lights hanging off in places, and ornaments shoved between branches.

Rex scratches his head and shrugs. “No clue. I’ve never done this before, but shit, how hard can it be?”

I chew my lower lip. It shouldn’t be that hard, but neither of us has celebrated Christmas before and I had no idea how hard decorating a tree would be.

“They never had a tree for the kids in the group home?” I shove my fingers through some branches, pushing back a red glass ball until it disappears behind the needles. Huh, that doesn’t look right either.

“Nope.” He shoves the tree upright only to watch it lean back when he steps away. “The institution never put up a tree?”

I string the multicolored lights up higher on the tree. “Nah. It would’ve been considered a hazard. You know, electricity, sharp things.” I study the tree again. “You sure these are the right lights? They seem too big.”

“Honestly, baby, I have no fucking clue. The box said lights.”

“Huh.” I check the digital clock on the oven. “Everyone’s going to be here in an hour.”

We stare at the tree for a few seconds and then burst into laughter.

Rex decided he was ready to have people over, and we thought a Christmas Eve get-together would be the perfect excuse. But everything that comes easy to most is hard for us. We didn’t have conventional childhoods and lack the traditions that make things like decorating a holiday tree easy.

“Fuck it.” Rex picks up an empty ornament box and throws it in a big trash bag he pulled out earlier. “I think it’s perfect.”

“It kinda is, isn’t it?” I look at our pathetic tree again. “It’s our kind of perfect.”

He kisses my forehead. “That it is, baby.”

The last couple weeks have been hard. We’re both in intensive therapy twice a week, once together and once separately. We’ve had to rehash things that we’d both wish to forget, and Rex’s memories are still filtering back little by little.

The other night he woke up shaking. He’d had a dream about his mom. She was crying, and he felt so desperate in his dream to get her to stop. He said he’d actually felt her arms around him, telling her that he was the only man in her life who truly loved her. She called him “her little man.” He curled into my arms, and I sang to him until he fell back to sleep.

As wonderful as it is for Rex to have that part of his mom back, it doesn’t come without consequences and pain. At twenty-five-years old he’s losing his mom all over again.

But we find joy in the little things, making macaroni and cheese out of a box and s’mores over the gas burner in the kitchen. He bought me a dirt bike for my birthday, which isn’t until February. When things get too intense, we take to the hills and ride together or make a trip to the Stratosphere, little things that remind us that we’re alive and together.

Remind us to look forward.

Keep moving.

And never stop fighting for our chance at happiness.

~*~

I’m looking over the dessert table that’s spread with every kind of Christmas food we could think of from eggnog to decorated sugar cookies and peppermint bark, mini assorted chocolates and a big thermos of hot chocolate.

The bathroom door opens and Rex walks out. My eyes freeze on him and two steps toward me, his legs do the same.

He’s wearing black jeans and a bright red button-up dress shirt that offsets his black hair and blue eyes. But in typical rocker style, his shirt is untucked, sleeves rolled up to expose his gloriously tattooed forearms, and the top button hangs open, giving a tease of his inked-up neck and impressive build. My mouth waters, and the dessert table suddenly loses its appeal to my intense hunger for him.

He blinks a few times then continues toward me but stops about a foot away. His eyes move from my face to my feet and back. “Holy shit, baby. I’ve never seen you in a dress and I gotta say . . .” He whistles through his teeth. His eyes fix on mine, and the blue flares with desire. His tongue slides against his lower lip. “You look good enough to eat.”

A tremor of arousal shoots through my body and pools between my legs. “That sounds good. How much time do we have?”

He hooks me around my waist and pulls my body flush with his. His lips find my ear and he nips gently. His warm breath dances against my flesh, raising goose bumps down my arms. “Not nearly enough time for all I want to do. I have a feeling once I get down there I’ll never want to stop.”

I gasp and drop my head to the side while he covers my neck with kisses and runs his nose along my exposed shoulders and clavicle, breathing me in. My head swims with the spice of his cologne and the clean smell of his skin.

His fingertips trace the bust line of my strapless dress. “Have I ever told you how good you look in black?” His tongue skates up the side of my neck.

Incapable of words, my eyes drift close. “Mm-hm.”

He chuckles in my ear, so deep and full of promise that my legs tremble.

“You like that?” He tucks my hair behind my shoulder and repeats it on the other side.

I grip his biceps to stay upright.

His hot peppermint breath is at my ear. “Answer me.”

“Yes.”

“Atta girl.” His hands move over the curves of my body now filled out thanks to his insistence that I eat and go with him to train at the gym a few days a week. He grabs both hands full of my ass and squeezes. “I’m happy to have everyone over, but I’m looking forward to sending them home.”

His words clear the fog. I blink. Yes, people are coming over. “We better stop or we may never answer the door.”

He pulls back, and holding my hand, he steps away and gives me another long appreciative glance. “Shit, Gia. Where the hell did you get this dress?” He lingers at my platform pumps. “And those shoes?” His free hand adjusts his jeans. “They’re doing fucked-up things to my body.”

“Good fucked-up?” I spin slowly, ducking under his arm to keep my hand in his. “Or bad fucked-up?”

He lifts his pierced eyebrow and flashes a crooked grin. “All kinds of good.”

I barely have to lift up on my toes to brush a tentative kiss against his perfect lips. “Good.”

His hand darts into my hair and fists seconds before he covers my mouth with his. Passion hits as it always does, and we’re clawing at each other, nipping, drinking, and in a frenzy to get closer.

The doorbell rings and he rips his lips from mine. Our eyes lock, chests heaving, hearts racing against the other.

“I’ll get it.” He kisses the tip of my nose and gives me a second to steady myself on my shoes. “You good?”

“Yeah.” I smooth my hands over my dress.

He winks and turns to answer the door.

“Merry Christmas!” Raven’s voice comes from behind Rex along with the sound of back-pounding guy hugs. “Oh my gosh! Your tree is awesome.”

Rex smiles at me.

I move across the room to meet them, and Raven swallows me in a hug. Jonah’s next, but he limits his hug to the one arm variety since his other enormous arm is cradling Sadie.

“Aww, look at her.” I tweak the tiny red bow that’s wrapped around a sprout of shiny black hair. “She looks like a little Christmas angel.”

“Yeah, well, she’s all yours. I’ve been holding her so much I miss holding my wife.” He gently places Sadie into my open arms and kisses her tiny hand. “You be good for your Aunt Gia, princess. Daddy here needs some momma time.” He gives me a chin lift and moves to his wife.

I hold the tiny baby to my chest. “Hey, pretty girl. You’re getting so big.” Not comfortable negotiating the slick concrete floors in my heels, I move to the couch. “There we go. We’ll be safer here. Auntie Gia’s a mess in heels.” I slide my finger into her hand and she grips my finger tight. “Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere.” She coos and I kiss the tiny dimple on her cheek. “You’re okay. I’m here.”

The feeling of eyes on me lifts my head to find Rex staring. He’s not far from the couch, totally ignoring Jonah and Raven, his gaze boring into mine.

“You okay?” I mouth the words meant only for him.

He blinks and nods then comes to me, dropping into the space next to me on the couch. He leans in. “Watching you over here, it makes me think you’re going to be an amazing mother.”

My breath catches in my throat. I pull back to see his face, and there’s nothing but love and pride reflecting from his eyes. “I’m not mother material. I’d just screw a kid up.”

Before I finish talking, he’s shaking his head. “You’re going to make a fantastic mother when the time comes.” He runs his fingers over Sadie’s tiny baby head. “I hope our kids have your red hair.”

“Rex”—my pulse rockets in my ears—“I’m not ready.” Just a month ago I was in a coma from a drug overdose after I shacked up in a house full of bikers. If anything screams do not reproduce, it’s that.

“I’m not either. Fuck knows I’ve got a lot of shit to work through before I could even consider fatherhood.” He hooks his fingers beneath my chin. “But make no mistake, Gia McIntyre, I’m going to make you my wife.”

Heat floods my cheeks. “Or am I going to make you my husband?”

“Either way, I’m happy.”

“Merry Christmas, mo’fos!” We look up to see Blake, Layla, Axelle, and Killian strolling through the door.

Layla’s eyes find me and she shuffles over to us. “Hey, Rex.”

He kisses my head and stands to give Layla a hug. “No baby yet, huh?”

She rolls her eyes and waves him off. “Ugh . . . No.”

Blake fist bumps Rex. “I keep tellin’ her the more we”—he looks over his shoulder at Axelle and Killian, who’ve made their way to the desserts with Raven and Jonah—“have sex, the better chance she has of going into labor, but she says four times a day is enough.”

Layla slaps Blake’s stomach. “Oh my gosh, Blake, TMI.”

“Mouse, baby, everyone knows sex induces labor. It’s in every pregnancy book I’ve read.”

“I realize that, Snake, but we’re already doing plenty of that and it’s not helping.”

Blake snags her and pulls her to him, his hands going to her belly and his lips to hers. “You call me Snake again, I’ll throw you down right here and induce something else altogether.”

Sadie squeals and gets the attention of the room.

“Ha! You hear that, Slade?” Blake’s grinning wide. “Your wife and your daughter find me fucking hilarious.”

“Blake! Language.” When will Layla learn a guy like Blake might change his colors, but they’ll never fade?

He throws his arms out to his sides. “What’d I do?”

I laugh and look at Rex to find his eyes on me.

A slow smile curls his lips.

People come and go throughout the night. Even Emma stopped by to say Merry Christmas, stating that she’d planned on staying for a short time, but when Rex introduced her to Caleb, they hit it off and spent most the night talking.

Looking around the room, I swallow back the lump that forms in my throat. We came from nothing and here we are with more than anyone deserves. So much that a lifetime would never be enough time to enjoy it.

Family, friends, babies.

A future.

Pure, abundant peace.

~*~

Rex showed out the last of our guests, and I’m leaning against the kitchen counter, sliding off my shoes. My feet went from achy to painfully numb, and I long for the comfort of my boots. I yawn and take in the mess in the kitchen. Better get a start on the clean up before I curl up in a ball and fall asleep on the floor.

I flex my toes into the cold floor and start stacking up small plates from the dessert table when Rex comes up behind me. He slides his arms around my waist.

“Leave this.” He reaches around and pulls the plates from my hand. “I can’t be apart from you for another second.” The zipper at the back of my dress slides open. “Watching you tonight, how easily you fit into my life, your smile, the way you helped out with Sadie . . .” He pushes down the top of my dress to expose my breasts. His hands glide over the lace of my strapless bra. “If I had rooms, I’d have thrown you in one and tasted you until you begged for me to fill you.”

My back arches and a full-body shiver races up my spine. “Mmm. Yes, please.”

His fingers tug on my nipples, and he rakes his lip ring against my neck. I press my ass into his groin and feel his hardness against my lower back.

“Hmm.” He hums against my neck. “That you beggin’ now, baby?”

A soft purr slides from my throat.

He hooks his fingers into the front of my dress and shoves it down to pool around my ankles. “Much as I love that dress . . .” The heat of his body at my back disappears, and I can feel his gaze raking over me from behind. He traces the thin fabric that runs over my hip and disappears at my backside. “It’s been teasing me all night.”

His words, the rumble of his voice behind me . . . I can’t even see him and I’m throbbing for him to take me. I feel the light touch of his hands at mid back, and my bra snaps open and joins my dress on the floor. He palms my bare breasts, molding, squeezing, and pulling against the sensitive flesh.

“Rex, I don’t want you to wait any longer.” I drop my head back to rest against his chest and reach behind me and rub him through his jeans. “I can’t wait any longer.”

He flexes into my touch. “Hands flat on the table.”

I moan and release my hold on him. He moves across the room and hits the lights, plunging us into darkness except for the colorful twinkle lights illuminating the tree. He prowls forward, unbuttoning his shirt before sliding it down his arms. I stare shamelessly at his body, beautifully adorned in ink and metal. Chest, ribs, and neck are decorated in vibrant colors that call to be touched.

He lifts an eyebrow, questioning the defiance I’m showing by not having my palms pressed to the table. Butterflies rip through my stomach. I linger on his impressive build for a few seconds longer before turning back to face the table. With a quick smile, I lean forward, hands down, ass out.

He walks around, sizing me up. “That’s hot, baby. But I think I need you need to be a little bit taller.” He scoops my platform heels off the floor and kneels at my feet. Picking up my left foot, he rubs the arch of my foot for a few seconds before he slides on the shoe, then repeats with the other. He nips against my bottom, and I jump in surprise at the delicious sting.

“Walk out your legs, Gia.”

I bite my lip against a groan of pleasure. His bossy commands when we’re like this combined with the way he says my name push me to brink of orgasm. I do as he asks.

The heat of his hands falls to my outer thighs. “Just like that. Perfect, baby.”

My knees wobble, my body aching for his intrusion. “Please.” I arch my back, offering myself to him.

He hisses through is teeth. “Fuck, that’s beautiful.” He runs his knuckles between my legs. “So damn gorgeous and all fucking mine.”

My breath comes in short gasps, writhing for him to touch me. “Show me.” I press back. “Prove to me I’m all yours.”

I’m baiting him to play rough, challenging him. It’s something I’ve done before, getting him to let go, be himself, and do things to my body he has no reason to be ashamed of because it’s exactly what I want.

Unrestrained and wild with passion.

He pulls the crotch of my panties hard and releases them so they snap back against my sensitive flesh. “You’re pushing me, baby.”

“Apparently not hard enough.” I turn my head into my arm to hide my smile.

The air shifts behind me, and his breath is at my ear, his jean-clad hard-on pressed between my open legs. “I’ll give you hard.” His teeth scrape against my shoulder, igniting a furious swarm of butterflies in my belly and raising goose bumps on my skin.

Another tug on my panties and the elastic snaps apart. The silky fabric falls down one leg and hangs around my ankle.

The metallic sound of his zipper and the tear of a condom are my only warnings before the heat of him and the distinctive metal ball of his piercing presses against me. “Yes, finally . . .” It’s all I can say and everything I wanted: Rex against me, inside me, all around me, consuming me to the point that I could get lost in him forever.

“Fast and hard?” There’s the tension of restraint in his voice, as if it’s all he can do to hold himself from slamming deep in one thrust.

That won’t do.

“If you think you can handle it.” I open my legs to step wider and grind against him.

The deep rumble of his laughter has my stomach clenching.

“From the feel of you”—he runs the tip along the seam between my legs—“I’d say you like eggin’ me on.”

“Rex, please, just . . . I can’t take anymore. Stop teasing and take me.”

His hand slides up my spine to my hair where he grabs a fist full. “Anything for you.” He braces his free hand against my hip and slams inside me.

Overwhelmed with fullness and the power behind his domination, my arms shake to hold my weight.

I’ve always been aware of Rex’s power over me. My entire life he’s owned everything from my thoughts to my will to survive. I lived through abusive parents and a mental institution all so I could see him again. But when he exercises his control over me, I finally feel safe, taken care of because I’m finally within the power of the one person who owns my heart.

“You feel beautiful. So damn soft.” He pulls back and thrusts into me again. “Talk to me.”

“More.”

“Damn, Gia.” He leans forward and kisses my back. “You were fucking made for me, you know that?”

“Yes.” I press back against him and his hand comes down in a quick slap against my ass. Stinging pleasure shoots straight between my legs. “Rex, I’m close.”

He powers into me again. “I’m right there with you, Gia.”

Yeah, he is. He always has been.

We meet each other thrust for thrust. His hands alternate from gripping shows of domination to the stinging slaps that shoot straight to my core. My head swirls and my vision swims as ecstasy powers through me.

Bright light flashes behind my eyes and bolts of pleasure fire through me. I whimper through the powerful release that consumes me. His fingers dig into my skin and he growls, falling into his orgasm right behind mine. Slowly coming back, my legs give out, but his arm wraps around my waist to hold me up.

We’re breathing heavy, still connected, and he lifts my upper body where I sag back into his arms.

“I fucking love you, Gia.”

I smile through my exhaustion. Our lovemaking, as unconventional as it is, always sucks me dry and leaves me exhausted and sated. “I fucking love you too, Rex.”

He pulls out and scoops me up in his arms. Kicking his jeans from his ankles so he can walk, he takes me to the bed and lays me down. He moves to my feet and slips off my shoes, rubbing each one until I’m nearly asleep.

“It’s midnight.”

I blink and force my eyes open. “Hmm?”

His warm gaze meets mine, and a carefree smile lights his face. “It’s Christmas.”

A spark of excitement wakes me and I sit up. “It’s Christmas.”

He nods and jumps up to snag some clothes from his dresser, tossing me a shirt and pulling on a pair of flannel sleeping pants.

I pull the shirt over my head. “Presents!”

He grabs my hand and we race to the tree. I go for the gift I hid there earlier today, and he reaches for the one he shoved between branches. I sit on the ground, tucking my legs to the side, and he places a square box wrapped in gold paper and a red ribbon in my lap.

Emotion crawls up my throat. “Did you wrap this?”

He sits down beside me and runs a hand through his messy black hair. “Um, would it make it less meaningful if the answer’s no?”

I shake my head, afraid to speak and give away how close I am to crying.

“I mean you’ve seen my tree decorating skills. Present wrapping might have to wait ’til next year.”

I start by sliding off the velvet ribbon, but excitement takes over halfway through, and I can’t get to the present fast enough. I rip through the paper, and even though Rex laughs at my impatience, I don’t care. I’ve gotta see what it is!

Once I get down to the box, I rip off the lid and send it flying. My hand goes to my mouth as I stare at the gift.

A single square diamond hangs from a silver chain. I move to touch it but recoil, afraid of tarnishing its beauty.

He laughs. “It’s okay, Gia. You can touch it.” He takes the box from my hands and slips the necklace from it. “I didn’t know how big of a diamond I should get. I had to ask Raven. I hope that’s okay.” He moves behind me and I gather my hair to the side while he secures it around my neck. “I figure that’s what sisters are for, right?”

Once it’s on, I hold the pendant to my chest, and tears flood my eyes and spill down my cheeks.

He wipes them away. “Ah shit, baby. Don’t cry.” He leans in and kisses me soft and sweet.

I sniff back my tears. “I love it. So much, Rex, I love it. And I love you.”

“It’s unconventional, but um, usually when a man gives the woman he loves a diamond, it represents his intention to marry her.” He tilts his head and rubs the back of his neck then brings his eyes to mine. “That’s what this is, Gia. It’s my promise to you. When you’re ready, we’ll take that necklace to have it made into a ring, but until then, every time you feel that against your chest, you’ll know I’m yours and your mine. You have that as my vow.” He clasps my face between his hands. “I want to marry you and spend the rest of my life exploring you and loving you.”

That’s all I’ve ever wanted, to be his. “Yes, Rex. I say yes. I’ll marry you.”

He drops his head and blows out a long breath. “Thank you, God.”

I throw myself into his arms and he holds me to him.

How can I top this? “You should know you totally out-gifted me. My present to you is really lame compared to this.”

He laughs and his arms convulse around me. “Impossible, baby.”

I reach over and grab the box that’s wrapped in blue paper with white snowflakes printed on it. “Here. I actually wrapped it myself, so no laughing.” I sit up a little but stay in his lap as he rips through the paper.

Pulling out the present by the single ribbon it’s attached to, he dangles the silver ornament before his eyes, reading the inscription.

“Rex and Gia. First Christmas. Let this be our beginning.” He hugs me and kisses the top of my head. “It’s perfect.” He eyes our crooked tree. “Where should we hang it?”

We stand, walk around our tree to scope out the perfect spot, and decide on front and center.

He throws his arm over my shoulder. “Our beginning. I like that.”

He pulls something out of his pocket and points it at his stereo system. A remote clicks the music on and Nat King Cole’s voice fills the room singing “The Christmas Song.”

He drops the remote on the couch and turns to me, holding out a hand. “May I have this dance?”

A trickle of anxiety warms my stomach. “I um . . . I don’t know how to dance.”

He smiles but pulls me to him. “Me neither.”

I giggle and bury my face into his bare chest. The spicy smell of his skin soothes my nerves.

“I figure we just hold on to each other and sway.”

“Seems like everything always starts with that.” I peer up at him and he dips his chin. “Us, holding on to each other.”

“That’s the way we started; in the dark, you were humming Christmas music while we held on tight.”

“And here’s our new beginning.”

“But this time, we’re never letting go.”

~The End~