Flirting with Fire: A Summer Camp Swingers novel

Chapter 7

My girls were fine with another sleepover, and Allie’s were more than fine with it. They hadn’t enjoyed the night without A/C any more than she had. They were also excited when they realized she wasn’t wearing her swimsuit under her towel wrap.

“You’re gonna do it?” Madison said.

“I’m gonna try.”

“You’ll like it,” Carly added. “And you won’t get weird tan lines.”

“Especially when you switch suits.” Madison shuddered with tween revulsion.

“They aren’t that bad,” Allie laughed.

“They’re pretty bad. I mean, I look so dumb when I wear a tracksuit, all white in the middle.”

Emily scrunched her nose, her version of Madison’s shudder.

Allie scoffed. “When’s the last time you saw me in a Juicy tracksuit? Uh-uh, no.”

“Why not?” Susie said. “Our mom wears ’em all the time.”

And spends a fortune on them, I added. It was her money, but a $400 tracksuit? Then again, my business suits cost $1,000 or more, and I had a closet full of them.

“Because she’s built for them,” Allie was saying. “I’m not.”

“Why not? ’Cause your tummy isn’t flat?”

“It doesn’t matter,” I cut in. “Clothes don’t make the person.” I suppressed a wince and waited for lightning to strike, but the sartorial gods didn’t bother with the likes of me. (They had bigger things to worry about, like whatever Elton John was thinking up.)

“Right,” Allie said. “I’m the same person on the inside, no matter what I wear.”

“You still look weird,” Carly muttered.

“I think she looks fantastic,” I said.

“Yeah, but you’re a grown-up. You don’t know what it’s like.”

“You’re right,” I agreed. “Things were different when I was an eight-year-old girl.”

Carly started to congratulate herself before she realized what I’d said.

“That’s okay,” Susie said to her. “He does the same to me. Ugh! So annoying.”

“Well then,” I said to them, “I’d better make it up to you.”

Carly narrowed her eyes, but Emily perked up.

“Launch Dad?”

“You got it.”

The dogs sensed the girls’ excitement and leapt to their feet, tails a-wagging and tags a-jangling.

“Last one in’s a rotten egg!” Emily cried.

Four towels flew in a spray of colors as the girls streaked toward the pool. Three sets of claws scraped the flagstones when the dogs bolted after them. Seven bodies splashed into the water before I even started to move. Sometimes I hated getting older.

Still, I tossed my own towel, trotted after them, and launched myself into an arc that even Christy would’ve admired. It carried me over girls and dogs and into the churning water beyond. I broke the surface near the diving board and endured their teasing with good humor. Only Molly felt sorry for me. She paddled over and let me scratch her head.

“Come join us,” I called to Allie.

“Yeah, Mom, please!”

“Please, please!”

“Oh, all right.” She tossed her towel on the foot of a lounge chair and waded down the steps.

The girls weren’t the least bit interested in her body. It was natural to my daughters, and hers had seen her before. Besides, they didn’t know what a body like Allie’s could do, especially with the right kind of encouragement, which I was more than happy to give her.

Still, they were right about one thing—her tan lines were weird. The pale triangles on her breasts were sexy, but the overlapping lines from the one-piece made me think of a Cubist painting. Les Demoiselles d’Avignon wasn’t exactly jerk-off material.

The little head spoke up, Who cares? It’s just the packaging. You care about the person inside, remember?

Hold on… Who’re you and what’ve you done with my penis?

Dumbass, he muttered, and I managed to hide my inward disappointment before Allie glanced my way. She swirled the water around her and offered a tentative smile.

“This is nice.”

I returned it, without the doubt I’d felt a moment ago.

“We told you,” Madison said.

“Yeah,” Carly piped up, “we told you.”

“You did,” Allie agreed.

I kicked toward the shallow end to give her a break.

“All right, who’s first?” I said. “Carly?”

Almond eyes flashed, and she swam toward me. I locked my hands into a stirrup. Carly slid her foot into it and braced herself on my shoulders.

“Ready? Three… two… one… launch!”

* * *

We spent the rest of the afternoon in the pool, and I did my best to wear out the girls without doing the same to myself. Allie watched and shouted encouragement from the side, completely comfortable with her body and nudity. She even joined us for a game of Marco Polo. Neither of us were very serious about it, and I took advantage of the girls’ distraction for a little surreptitious groping. Allie dodged or fended me off every time, but she never moved very far away.

“You’re so bad,” she said at last. “We’re going to get caught.”

“That’s half the fun.”

“Not if they start asking questions.” She added in a little girl voice, “Mommy, why is he touching you there? And why is his thing hard?”

“I’ll show you hard,” I muttered playfully.

“Oh, no you don’t.” She laughed and backed away, hands at the ready.

Unfortunately, Marco and the Polos moved toward us from the deep end. Madison ran into Spike, and Carly tagged her.

“No fair! The dog got in my way!”

“So?”

“You were cheating, too! You opened your eyes! I saw!”

“Nuh-uh!”

“Nuh-huh!”

I waded forward to break up the squabble. “All right, one more round and then it’s time for dinner.”

I started playing for real and managed to stay just out of Madison’s reach for several minutes before I deliberately lingered on the surface a moment too long. She tagged me and whooped.

“Congratulations,” I told her. “Good game, girls. Now, let’s get ready for dinner. Rinse off, get dressed, you know the drill.”

Emily simply vaulted to the side of the pool and climbed out. It was an unladylike maneuver that her mother didn’t approve of, especially without a swimsuit. I personally thought it was fine, but Christy and I were a team. Emily’s defiance wavered when she saw my disapproval.

Madison hopped up beside her. “What?”

“Nothing.”

Molly had taken the stairs, and she trotted up to them, loyal and obedient as ever. Poor Emily. Her shoulders sagged as she made the connection. She could be pigheaded and stubborn, but she was also honest with herself.

“Sorry,” she muttered in my direction.

“For what?” Madison said.

“Nothing. Let’s just rinse off.”

Susie and Carly provided a welcome bit of comic relief to lighten the mood. They were chasing Spike and Buck in the deep end, and the dogs thought it was a game.

“I mean it! Come on!” Susie pleaded.

“Yeah, c’mon,” Carly said.

They climbed from the pool using the mother-approved method, the swim-out. The dogs circled a couple of times before they lost interest.

“Time to get out.” Susie stomped her foot. “Bucket Rothchild Hughes… now means now!”

Allie and I traded grins.

The dogs went to investigate a pool noodle caught under the waterfall.

“Ugh. Suit yourself. Goofy dogs.” She turned her urgency on us. “C’mon, Dad, you too.”

“Yeah, Mom, let’s go.”

I did my best Susie impression. “What? We’re coming! Ugh.”

She was not amused.

“Go ahead,” I laughed, “we’re right behind you.”

I followed Allie up the stairs and resisted the urge to pat her bare bottom. Then again, Susie and Carly had turned their backs and were waiting in line for the shower.

I moved so my body shielded us. Allie realized what I’d done and raised an eyebrow. I cupped her smooth pussy. After a moment she caught my dick and began stroking gently. Her breathing quickened as I teased her hidden clit. She was wet already, and not from the pool.

The sound of the girls in the background eventually brought us back to reality. Allie released my semi-hard cock, and I withdrew my finger from her pussy.

“To be continued,” I said in a low voice.

“Not soon enough.”

I silently agreed, and Allie inhaled a couple of slow breaths. Her arousal cooled, and my dick softened to normal. I glanced over my shoulder, but the girls weren’t paying attention to us.

I grinned roguishly. “See? I told you.”

“Yeah, I guess. We got away with it… this time.” Allie’s expression softened into a smile. “Today’s been really nice. Thanks again for inviting us.”

“It’s what I do.”

“Mmm. And later, I’ll do what I do.”

“I’m looking forward to it.”

“Looking forward to what?” Carly asked. “Dinner?”

My mother’s laughter echoed in my mind, Little girls have big ears.

Allie covered her mouth to hide her own laugh at my utter disbelief. Carly had heard us over the sound of the shower hitting flagstones, the older girls talking, the dogs’ tags jangling, and everything else.

Un-fucking-believable.

Allie’s eyes crinkled agreement, and I smoothed my expression before I turned to face the girls.

“What about dinner?”

“You said…” Carly’s frown deepened. She knew we’d been talking about something else, but her suspicions bounced off my dad armor.

Emily and Madison moved from under the shower and left it running.

“Come on,” Susie said to her friend. “He’ll never tell you what they were talking about. He does it to us all the time.”

I rewarded them with a bland smile.

“See?” Susie said. “Ugh!”

“Speaking of dinner…,” I said, “where do we want to go?”

We eventually decided on the Cheesecake Factory. It wasn’t my favorite, but I’d learned to pick my battles. Besides, the portions were so large that Emily might actually get enough to eat.

Twenty minutes later we were all dressed and shod, brushed and combed, lotioned, potioned, and assembled in the kitchen. Susie had even brought the new Beyoncé CD for our listening pleasure. The dogs circled in excitement, their tails thwacking indiscriminately.

“Sorry, guys,” I told them. “Humans only.”

Molly took it in stride, while Spike and Buck sat obediently, licked their chops, and double-teamed me with puppy-dog eyes. I had a heart of stone, but that didn’t stop them from trying.

“It’s okay,” Susie told them. “We’ll bring you a snack.”

“We’ll see,” I said. “Now c’mon, I’m getting hungry.”

We trooped out to the garage, climbed into the Denali, and drove to town. Dinner was about what I’d expected, but the girls enjoyed it. Sometimes that was enough.

We stopped by Allie’s house on the way home. She and the girls packed bags for the night, along with things they’d need for dance camp in the morning. The place was hotter than ever, especially after being closed up all day. The family cat didn’t seem to mind, but the humans did.

“Oh my gosh,” Susie complained, “that was disgusting.”

“Try sleeping there,” Carly said.

“Ugh. No, thank you. Hurry up, Dad, start the car.”

I did, and the air conditioning blasted with hurricane force. We let it wash over us for a moment before I backed out of the driveway.

“Hey, Dad,” Emily ventured, “since it’s so hot—?”

I knew exactly where she was going, but I still couldn’t believe it. She’d eaten bread, a salad, and an entire plate of pasta. Then she’d polished off a piece of cheesecake that rivaled Stone Mountain for size. Yet she was still hungry? After all that? She must have been going through a growth spurt.

“—can we stop for ice cream?”

The rear of the car erupted with a chorus of pleas, even though the other girls had eaten cheesecake too. Granted, they’d shared a single piece among them, but it clearly hadn’t hit bottom yet.

“What do you think?” I asked Allie.

“I’m full,” she said.

“So?” Madison complained. “We aren’t.”

“Yeah, we’re starving!” Carly said from the back.

“Starving!” Susie agreed.

Allie couldn’t help but laugh, although she glanced my way and sketched a nod.

Four sets of eyes bored into the back of my head.

“He’s gonna say yes,” Susie stage-whispered to Carly.

“How d’you know?”

“I just do. Trust me.”

She sounded so much like me that I couldn’t help a smile.

“See?” she said triumphantly.

“All right, we’ll stop for ice cream,” I said. “But cups instead of cones. And we’ll eat at home.” I had to maintain at least a pretense of being in charge.

The back of the Denali erupted with talk about flavors, and Allie shot me a speculative look.

“On second thought…,” she grinned.

“Oh? You want some after all?”

“Mmm, but I want the special cream.”

* * *

I tried calling Christy when we got home, but it went straight to voicemail.

“Hey, it’s me,” I said. “I hope you had a good day. Ours was fun. Allie and the girls came over and spent the day. They’re going to spend the night, too.” I kept my voice deliberately neutral, but Christy would hear the excitement in what I didn’t say.

Allie herself smirked.

I replied with a quick grin and finished the voicemail, “Give me a call when you get this. I love you. Tell Laurie I love her too. Talk to you soon. Bye.”

I ended the call just in time, mere moments before the Jötnar thundered down the stairs. Four girls burst into the kitchen instead of giants. I was tempted to look for Thor behind them, but they wouldn’t understand. I heard my mother’s laughter, yet again, Someday you’ll understand.

I sighed. Maybe Hobbes had meant children instead of life? They too were nasty, brutish, and short.

Emily pulled up short. Lately she’d been paying attention to other people’s thoughts—their expressions, at least—although she dismissed mine in true eleven-year-old fashion.

“Can we watch a movie while we eat our ice cream?”

Susie piped up, “Harry Potter. The one me an’ Carly like.”

“Carly and I,” Madison said.

Emily’s eyes narrowed, but Susie beat her to the punch.

“That’s what I meant,” she replied breezily.

“Then why—?”

“Of course!” Emily said. “It’s out in the pool house.”

“Why can’t they watch it there?” Madison complained. “Then we can watch something grown-up here.”

Emily gave her an “eat shit and die” look.

(My little frog princess was actually a basilisk in disguise. I blamed her uncle Rich. He had an entire repertoire of scathing looks, and he’d probably taught her when I wasn’t around. Yeah, that’s the ticket—it was all Rich’s fault.)

Madison scowled and looked away.

“I’ll go get it,” Emily said. “Come on, Mols.” She and the dog left through the patio door.

Madison looked a question at her mother, who replied with a raised eyebrow, Well, what did you expect?

Spike woofed, and Buck sank to his haunches. They both looked at me, like I was going to explain what had just happened.

“Sorry, guys… humans. Speaking of which—”

Susie panicked and started looking for an escape.

“Ah-ah, not so fast,” I said. “Nice try, though.”

“Ugh! Do I have to?”

“I’m afraid so. It’s your job.”

“But what about our ice cream? It’ll melt.”

“It will if you keep arguing.” I gave her a dad look, with expectant eyebrows and everything.

“Ugh, fine.”

Carly didn’t know what we were talking about, but she understood chore-avoidance when she heard it.

“Can I help?”

“Yeah, I suppose,” Susie sighed. “Come on.”

They headed toward the alcove where we kept the dogs’ food and water bowls. Spike and Buck knew what that meant, and they scrambled to catch up.

Allie gave me a look that was a cross between “aww” and “I want you.”

Madison, of course, picked that moment to speak up. “What should I do?”

Allie blushed, and I had to look away to hide my amusement.

“What?” Madison said uncertainly.

“Why don’t you take the ice cream into the living room,” I replied.

She frowned but went along with it. “Spoons and napkins, too?”

“Yes, please. And maybe some pillows and blankets.” All of my girls were like their mother, who became chilled around bedtime. Emily suffered more than the others, probably because her metabolism was on overdrive the rest of the time.

“You know where everything is,” I added to Madison, who nodded and ran off.

“Dear God,” Allie sighed, “that was close.”

“No kidding. I thought you were gonna jump me.”

“No, that comes later.”

* * *

Allie and I decided to change out of street clothes and into something more comfortable. She met me outside the master bedroom.

“Great minds think alike,” I chuckled.

“Horny ones, for sure.”

She wore a white crochet cover-up that only reached to mid-thigh. She hadn’t worn a bra—her nipples were obvious—and I was fairly sure she was bottomless too.

“Nice,” I said.

“Thank you.” She sized me up. I’d gone for a beach look too, with a white linen shirt and a loose pair of drawstring pants. “You look like the cover of one of my books.”

I snorted a laugh. She edited romances.

“My hair isn’t long enough,” I said, “my jawline isn’t chiseled, and my five o’clock shadow isn’t even a suggestion. Besides, I’m too short.”

“Now who’s obsessing about their body? I happen to like your height, although you’re right about the rest.”

“What? You aren’t supposed to agree,” I laughed.

“Okay. Then I think you look awesome.”

“Much better. Thank you.”

“Especially in this general area.” She gestured at my chest but then glanced lower. “Knowing you… Commando?”

“Of course. And you?”

She gave me a smoldering look and raised the hem of her shirt. Sure enough, she was bare down there. I was about to move in when the walls vibrated with sound from the living room.

“They never let us forget,” Allie sighed, “do they?”

“That we’re parents? Kinda makes you wonder how ours managed it. Without killing us, I mean.”

“Speak for yourself. I was a perfect child.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I was,” she insisted. “I didn’t go wild till later.”

“I know. I’ve heard the stories. And I can’t wait to find out which ones’re true. But we should probably check on the girls. At least make an appearance.”

“Yeah. They might realize we’re having fun without them.”

“And come looking for us,” I finished.

“Can’t a couple of horny parents get a break?”

“Evidently not.”

I slid the door open. The girls had pushed the coffee table out of the way and were lying on the floor in a nest of pillows, blankets, and dogs. Susie even had her favorite stuffed animal, a lavender hippo called Mr. Spice. His original name had been Tubby, but she’d never called him that. Why? Who knew. She’d named her dog Bucket. We just called him Buck because it sounded cool and didn’t require an explanation.

Allie and I skirted the domestic scene and settled on the couch. I glanced at the volume. Emily had it up to Who concert levels, but I didn’t ask her to turn it down.

“We saved your ice cream,” she said over her shoulder. The movie was at a quiet point, so she didn’t have to raise her voice. “Only, it’s probably melted by now.”

“That’s okay. Do you want it?”

“No, thanks. I think I’m full.” She stopped for a moment and pondered what she’d just said. “Huh, that’s weird. Anyway, it’s there if you want it.”

She dismissed us with a wave and returned her attention to the movie. Hagrid was telling Harry about the night Voldemort tried to kill him.

Allie leaned toward me and whispered, “You promised to share your cream.”

I nodded toward the white paper bag.

“Maybe something that isn’t soft and cold?”

Great minds, indeed, the little head chuckled.

“Grab a blanket,” I said in a low voice.

She pulled one toward us and spread it across our laps. I put my arm around her, and she leaned into my side like a married couple. She had to squirm a bit to get under my arm, but she didn’t seem to mind.

“This is nice,” she said. “And I’ve definitely missed it.”

“You’ve missed this, too.” I pulled her hand to my lap. She massaged my semi-hard cock through the thin fabric of my pants.

After a moment I shifted and untied the drawstring with my free hand. Allie piled the blanket on my thighs to give us some cover. Then she wrapped her warm fingers around my straining erection. She stroked for a minute before she leaned back to look up at me.

“You promised me cream. Do I have to wait till the movie’s over?”

“I’m afraid so,” I chuckled.

She whined impatiently, like one of the girls.

“Heh. You’ll survive.”

“But I want it now.”

The girls themselves were absorbed in the movie, so I cupped Allie’s breast through the soft crochet of her shirt. She released my hard-on long enough to untie the laces that held her top together. It parted to reveal the inner slope of her left breast.

She returned her hand to my dick, and I slid mine into her shirt. Her skin was warm and smooth, her breast pliant. She sighed when I teased her nipple. Part of me wanted to escape to the guest bedroom for a quick blowjob, but another part enjoyed the thrill of fooling around where we might get caught.

Neither of us were in a hurry, so we played with each other and pretended to watch the movie. Then my cell phone vibrated. I checked the caller ID and flipped it open.

“Hey, Little Bit.”

None of the girls even turned to look. In the movie, Harry had just coughed up the snitch to win the game of quidditch. The volume rose as the crowd in the stadium started chanting.

Christy laughed. “I know what you’re watching.”

“Seriously?”

She listened for a moment and then repeated the dialogue, word for word. She even managed to sound like Hagrid, Harry, Ron, and Hermione.

“Brooke’s right,” I said, “that’s uncanny.”

She did a spot-on impression of yours truly, “It’s what I do,” before she switched to her normal voice. “Sorry about earlier. Voicemail, I mean. We were here, but my phone was dead. I… um… might’ve forgot to plug it in last night? It’s your fault, though!”

“Of course it is,” I chuckled.

“Well, it is. And then I had to wait for it to charge enough to call you back. I have it plugged in now, though. Oh my gosh! I almost forgot why I called. That’s your fault too, I suppose. Are you watching a movie with the girls? Never mind, of course you are. So, do you wanna go somewhere quiet and tell me about your day?”

I blinked and tried to sort through the zigs and zags. Sometimes Christy’s brain moved faster than her mouth.

“Sure,” I said after a moment. “D’you mind if Allie joins us?”

She automatically released my hard-on and pulled up my pants to cover it.

“Joins us?” Christy teased. “You have to seduce her first.”

“Seduce who?” Wren asked in the background. “Hold on, is he still trying to get into Allie’s panties?”

“I’m working on it,” I said through a tight smile.

“I know,” Christy said fondly. “She’s just giving you a hard time. Mmm, I said hard.”

“Oh, boy. So it’s gonna be like that?”

“Oh, brother,” Wren said.

“Of course!” Christy laughed at both of us. “Now, are you going to find somewhere you can talk?”

* * *

I closed the bedroom door behind us and cut off the sound from the living room.

“Okay, much better,” I said into the phone.

“So,” Christy asked in a lighthearted voice, “how was your day?”

“Busy,” I deadpanned.

“Doin’ what?”

“Oh, this and that.”

It was a game we played. Allie had heard it before, albeit from Christy’s side. She furrowed her brow but then figured it out.

“Get to the point,” Wren called in the background. “Did you fuck her yet?”

I sighed. Why did everything have to be so complicated? And why did it involve so many people, especially women?

Do you really wanna know? I mean, if you haven’t figured it out by now…

“Oh my gosh,” Christy laughed, “is he giving you a hard time too? Oh, you poor thing.”

And why did I marry a woman who could read my mind? I sighed. Again.

“If he’s talking to his dick,” Wren jeered in the background, “he must’ve struck out. You’re oh for two!”

“Wren, please be nice. Sorry about that,” Christy said to me. “You know how she is.”

“Mmm.”

“Is Allie there? Can I talk to her? Oh, wait! You should probably do it. You’re the man. Besides, it’s in the Handbook. Page six.” I knew that one by heart, but she quoted it anyway, “It’s the man’s job to seduce the woman’s friends, especially the ones she wants him to.”

“Oh, God,” Wren groaned, “not the Handbook again.”

I laughed. The Man Handbook was completely imaginary. Christy had made it up when we were first dating, and she’d filled it with rules to get what she wanted.

“Ignore her,” she said to me. “She’s just jealous that she doesn’t have a Handbook too.”

“I don’t need one!” Wren cried. “I know what I’m doing!”

“Yes, my love,” Christy said dismissively. “Now, do you want to find out what happened?” She waited, and I could imagine Wren rolling her eyes. Christy played at being submissive, but it was a velvet glove. She had a core of steel, and Wren knew it as well as I did.

“Sorry,” I said to Allie in an undertone. “Wren’s being a pest.”

“As usual,” Christy said. “Oh, you were talking to Allie. Tell her hi, by the way. And I’m glad she finally came to her senses. I’ve been telling her for months. Well, years, but you know what I mean.”

“I do.”

“Mmm, my favorite.”

“Oh, God, I’m gonna hurl,” Wren said in the background. She and Trip had switched roles at some point in the past twenty years. Now he was the grown-up, and she was the immature one. What the hell, hormones?

“Do you think the little market is still open downstairs?” Christy said to her. “I’d love some ice cream. Maybe a drumstick?”

Wren started to argue, so I covered the phone.

“Are you sure you wanna get involved with us?” I asked Allie.

“I think so. Why?”

“Because we’re insane. Like, certifiable.”

She grinned. “Is it contagious?”

“Yeah, a little bit. It’s transmitted through bodily fluids.”

“Oral?”

“Of course. Vaginal too—”

“I’m in!”

“—and anal.”

Her jaw fell.

“Oh, I know all about it,” I chuckled. “Christy tells me things too, remember?”

“Hello…? Paul…? Are you there?”

I removed my hand and raised the phone to my ear. “Sorry about that. I was talking to Allie.”

“No, I’m sorry,” Christy said. “Wren went to get snacks. It’s just us now. Well, us and Allie, but you know what I mean.”

“Mmm.”

“So… what were you telling her?”

“How I’m going to fuck her in all three holes.”

“Lucky her!” Christy laughed.

Allie herself gulped.

I cradled the phone against my shoulder, turned her around, and bent her over the dresser. She moaned softly when I lifted her shirt and bared her ass.

“We’ve been fooling around,” I said to Christy in the same conversational tone as before.

“You and Allie? While the girls were watching the movie?” Christy and I did the same thing sometimes.

“Mmm hmm.” I teased Allie’s pussy from behind. “She’s really wet.”

“Oh my gosh, I’m getting wet too,” Christy said. “Are you going to fuck her? Now? Can I listen?”

“Not yet. I might let her blow me, though.”

“Mmm, my favorite. Hers too. She likes when you shoot in her mouth and finish on her face. Rub it around and get her really messy. I told you, didn’t I?”

“I don’t think so, but—”

“Yeah, I did. That night. You know, after Leah’s party.”

“That really narrows it down,” I snarked.

I glanced at Allie in the mirror, but she wasn’t paying attention. Her eyes were closed, and she was breathing hard. The open neck of her shirt gave me a fantastic view of her deep cleavage.

“Fine, Mr. Smarty-pants,” Christy said. “It was the night we gave you a blowjob sandwich.”

“If you say so,” I agreed vaguely.

“You were kinda drunk at the time. So it’s been a while.”

Something sparked a memory. “Hold on… didn’t we make a video that night?”

“I… um… don’t think so.”

It was a lie, but she plowed ahead before I could call her on it. I glanced at Allie instead. Mr. Big was ready to fuck her, but the closest condoms were in the master bedroom. I reluctantly patted her ass and lowered her shirt.

“You came on my face,” Christy was saying. “Leah licked it off, and we were kissing, remember? We passed it back and forth? That’s what made me think of Allie, ’cause we were so messy. Leah was humming— Oh, oh! I remember, now! ‘Happy Birthday,’ that’s it. And the cake! It had a thirty-five on it.”

I reeled from the conversational whiplash. Allie straightened and swayed for a different reason. I slid my arm around her waist, to steady her as much as myself. She rested her head on my shoulder and sighed heavily.

“God, I need a dick so bad.”

I nodded agreement and silently chuckled at my life. I had my chatterbox wife in one ear, her friend in the other, and they were both horny. Well, one of them was. The other had switched gears. Again.

“So… um… how long ago was that?” Christy asked.

Allie seemed content for the moment, so I turned my attention to the other ear.

“Well,” I hinted, “she’ll be thirty-eight in October.”

“Who, Leah?” Allie said. Then she laughed. “You know Christy can’t do math.”

“Paul, dear,” Christy herself agreed, “you know I can’t do math.”

“It was 2000,” I prompted.

“Hold on… how’d you get from thirty-eight to two thousand?”

“That was the year!”

“Oh, yeah, I knew that.” She paused and made another Christy-leap. “Tell her I’m sorry. Allie, I mean. For distracting you.”

“She’s fine,” I said.

“Well, I’m not. I’m really excited.” She switched back to logistics just as quickly as before. “I suppose she’s officially on the list now. Will you call me tomorrow and tell me how it went? I promise I’ll charge my phone and have it with me.”

“Sure. It’ll probably be late morning,” I said. “Maybe afternoon.”

Allie nuzzled my neck in anticipation. “I love dick in the afternoon.”

“Why? Oh, right!” Christy said. “Dance camp. I forgot. That’s okay, I’ll call Allie instead.”

“What?” I blurted. “Why?”

“Paul, dear, you never give enough details. Men in general…” She imitated Trip, “Yeah, I banged her. Best she’s ever had. Totally ruined for anyone else.”

I laughed, even though it was Trip from ten years ago. The new Trip was a pretty nice guy, and a lot less conceited. Still, she was right about the level of detail.

“Is everything all right?” Allie said, and I nodded quickly.

“Oh my gosh,” Christy said in my other ear, “I can’t believe it’s really happening! Do you think she’ll join us? For real, I mean, as a swinger.”

“Too soon to tell.”

Allie raised an eyebrow, but I gave her a quick headshake. Everything’s fine. I’ll tell you later.

“Well, I hope she does,” Christy said. “It’s your job to make her. Only, she doesn’t want to be forced. Not like me. Mmm, you’ll have to hold me down and fuck me— Oh my gosh, listen to me! I’m doing it again. Sorry. We were talking about Allie. Take care of her, Paul.”

“I’ll do my best.”

“I’m serious. She really needs this, way more than I do. I’ve told you what she was like. Before Ken, I mean. And I don’t think you understand what it was like for her. He basically neglected her. Like, for years.”

“Well, we’re about to change that,” I said.

“I hope so. I really want her to be happy.”

“Me too.” I slid my hand into Allie’s shirt and pinched her nipple. She gasped in surprise.

“I heard that,” Christy laughed. “Be careful. She doesn’t like it as much as I do. Maybe a little, but nothing really kinky. Oh, and you need to make sure she understands. Our relationship, I mean, yours and mine. I’ve told her, like, a million times, but I still don’t think she believes me.”

“I’ll make sure she does.”

“I know. And now I’d better let you go. Wren’ll be back soon, and I’ll have to tell her everything. Then she’ll want me to go down on her, and we’ll be up all night if she doesn’t take care of me too. Like, a couple of times.”

“Sounds familiar,” I chuckled.

“Mmm,” she agreed. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“And take care of Allie,” she added in a softer voice. “She really needs it. Tell her I love her. After you fuck her brains out. Remember, fucking first, cuddling after. Got it?”

“Got it,” I chuckled. “G’night, Sunshine.”

“Good night, Mr. Moon.”

I closed the phone, and Allie leaned back to look at me expectantly.

“Well, good news, bad news,” I said.

“I’m officially on the list?”

“Yep.”

“Then… what’s the bad news?”

“We have to wait till the girls are in bed. Unless you want a quickie now, hard and fast, bent over the dresser.”

“It’s tempting,” she laughed, “but I think I’ll hold out for a better offer!”

“Are you sure? I’m pretty good with a quickie.”

“So I’ve heard. But I want the full experience, the whole nine yards, so to speak.”

“I dunno about nine yards, but I can give you seven inches.”

“But… you promised me twenty-one.” She caressed my chest and grinned. “Or should I say twenty-two and a half?”

My eyebrows tried to fly into orbit.

“You forget,” she laughed, “I can do math.”

* * *

The girls didn’t even notice when we returned to the living room. Part of me was relieved, even though we hadn’t been doing anything naughty. A smaller part was annoyed, since we could’ve been doing something naughty!

Why couldn’t kids be consistent, I wondered. They were clueless one minute, clairvoyant the next, with nothing in between.

Preaching to the choir, the little head said.

No one asked you.

I know. I’m helpful that way. I’m… cockavoyant.

I groaned. Seriously?

Allie gave me a curious look, although she glanced toward the girls and came to the same conclusion I had.

“We could go back,” she said in a low voice. “How much longer do we have?”

I followed the movie for a moment. Harry and friends were in Hagrid’s hut. The dragon egg had just hatched.

“I’m not sure. Maybe… an hour? Forty-five minutes?”

Allie leaned in. Her cheek felt hot next to mine, her breath soft on my ear.

“How about that quickie you promised me? Or I could suck you off. You can come in my mouth, no muss, no fuss.”

The little head was raring to go, and the big one was about to say yes when one of the girls had an attack of precognition—someone somewhere was about to get lucky.

Susie sat up, looked around, and frowned when she didn’t see us on the couch. Allie pulled away in the nick of time and moved to hide the bulge in my pants.

“What’re you doing back there?” Susie said.

I held up my phone. “Mom called.”

“Oh. Is everything okay? Did she wanna talk to us?”

“Hush!” Madison said in annoyance, followed immediately by, “Ow! That hurt.”

“Sorry, leg spasm,” Emily said, transparent and insincere. “I get ’em sometimes.”

Part of me was glad she was quick to defend her sister, but the grown-up part knew better. My kid had just kicked another. The little head muttered curses as the big one shifted priorities.

“Emily, stop the movie.”

She did. She heard the warning in my tone and thought about trying to deny what she’d done. Unfortunately, she knew from experience that she couldn’t manipulate me, especially when she was in the wrong. She also knew I wouldn’t hesitate to ground her, to take away her phone, internet, and TV for a week.

“Sorry,” she muttered halfheartedly. She glanced back and read my reaction. I silently threatened to take away dance camp too. That scared her. “I’m so sorry, Madison,” she said, sincere this time. “I shouldn’t’ve kicked you. Only… be nice to Susie, okay?”

“Yeah, okay.”

“Maddy,” her mother prompted, “what do you say?”

“Sorry, Em. Sorry, Susie.”

“It’s just a movie,” Allie agreed.

“That’s okay,” Susie said to Madison. “Sorry I was talking.”

Carly felt left out. “I’m sorry too.”

“Much better,” I said to everyone.

Emily sighed in relief, although she recovered quickly. She wasn’t the type to brood, after all. She raised the remote instead.

“Want me to run it back?”

Madison thought about it but shook her head.

“Hey, Dad,” Susie said before Emily could start the movie again, “is it okay if I sit on the couch with you? The last part’s kinda scary.”

“Sure, sweetie, c’mon up.”

Allie heard the disappointment in my chipper reply, and she echoed it with a glance over her shoulder.

We’ll survive, I told her with a look, and she nodded.

We returned to the couch, and Susie waited until we were settled. Then she hopped up with Mr. Spice and her blanket. She snuggled close on my right, and I realized she probably wanted my warmth as much as anything. Carly did the same next to Allie.

Poor Spike didn’t understand why his humans had left, and he tried to evict Molly from her warm spot next to Emily. Molly didn’t actually bite him, but her look told him that’s where things were headed. Bless his heart, he even looked at me, like I might intervene on his behalf.

“Dude, you know better,” I told him. “Don’t mess with Molly.”

“Go on,” Emily added. “Madison’ll pet you.”

“Yeah, Spike, over here.” Madison patted the blanket. He leapt over her legs, found a spot he liked, and flopped to his side. Then he wriggled closer, and his tail thumped the floor as Madison rubbed his chest.

Buck wasn’t the brightest of the bunch, but he was the practical one. He was also third in a pack of three, which had its advantages. He waited for everyone else to get settled before he hopped onto the couch next to Susie. She moved her legs to give him room, and he nestled comfortably beside her.

“Good Bucket.” She scratched behind his ear, and he sighed in doggy contentment.

Emily was tired of waiting. “Finally. Are we ready?”

“Go for it,” I told her.

Allie waited a few minutes, until the girls were absorbed in the movie again. Then she rested her head on my shoulder and moved her hand under the blanket. Warm fingers slid under my shirt and along my waistband. I shifted slightly to give her better access. She eased her hand into my pants and found my soft penis.

“Just so you know…,” she said, her voice low and seductive, “I still want my cream.”