For His Little Girl

Chapter Nine

Claudia whisked herself out of the house with very little fuss. She stopped briefly with Luke to tell him, "If I'm not back to drive you home, just take something from the garage." Then she gave him a hug, said, "Bye, both of you. Don't bother to be good."

"We won't," Luke promised her fervently. And

Claudia was gone.

Then an odd thing happened. As Luke and Pippa turned to look at each other a constraint seemed to fall over them. Pippa understood it in herself. She had something momentous to tell him. But Luke seemed actually embarrassed.

Sonia saved them by waddling from the kitchen yodeling, "Food! You come and eat little snacks while I cook big dinner."

"Great," Luke said with evident relief. "Let's have them by the pool."

He vanished upstairs at once, leaving Pippa feeling puzzled. She returned to Claudia's room and put through a call to England.

"Mark, hi! Yes, I know I should be on the plane by now, but we're staying over a few more days. I called so that you'd know not to meet us at the airport." She saw a shadow slip past her half-open door. It was Luke on his way down to the pool. On the other end of the line Mark sounded troubled.

"Pippa, you've got major surgery scheduled for next week-''

"I know, but I can have a few extra days here and still be back in time. I'll call Frank and-"

"No need, he's here. He was going to come to the airport with me. You'd better talk to him."

She heard the mutter of voices, and the next moment there was Frank, sounding outraged and fearful. "You must be out of your mind."

"Frank, I'm feeling really well. Please try to understand."

"Fine, it's plainly useless for me to talk sense to you. I'd like to speak to Josie, please."

"She's not here. She's staying with Luke's parents."

She heard his sharp intake of breath. "So that you can be with him, I suppose. He broke your heart once and he'll do it again, but don't you care about that! Don't you care about anything but your fancy man!" He slammed down the phone.

Such violence of feeling was so unlike Frank that she could only sigh, pitying him. In many ways she knew he was right. She ought to be strong and say goodbye to Luke. But the happiness that possessed her now was so sweet, and there had been so little of it in her life, that no power on earth could have prevented her claiming just a little more, perhaps the last she would ever know.

She called Luke's parents. Zak answered and said they'd taken Josie to the zoo. He promised to tell Josie that she'd arrived safely, and get her to call when she arrived home.

When she went down, dressed for swimming, with the silk robe over her costume, Luke was already in the water. Sonia was setting out the snacks and wine by the pool.

"Champagne," she said. "Miss Claudia's orders."

"Miss Claudia's really organizing things," Pippa murmured.

"She's like a big sister to Mr. Luke," Sonia confided. "She knows what's good for him."

She poured a champagne into a tall, fluted glass, handed it to Pippa and put the bottle back on ice. Pippa sipped and found herself drinking vintage Krug, chilled to perfection. She slipped off her robe and sat on the side, dangling one foot in the water. It was deliciously cool, and glinted in the sun as though the very water was made of champagne.

"Come on," Luke called from the water. "It's great.''

"So's the champagne," she called back.

He swam over to her, threw his head back, mouth open wide. Laughing she poured champagne directly into it. "More! More!" She filled the glass again, but this time she emptied it over his head. "Hey!" he spluttered, and vanished beneath the water.

Pippa peered down at him, but the next moment a hand had encircled her ankle and she was in the water with him. He released her at once and carried her to the surface, spluttering and struggling. Pippa found herself pressed against his bare torso, feeling the flesh warm despite the cool water, and suddenly very, very conscious of how much of her own body was uncovered.

"You let me go, right now," she said breathlessly.

To her surprise, he did so, and swam away, leaving her startled.

He shouldn't have left her like that, even if she'd told him to. His hands seemed to have made imprints in her waist where he'd held her, and the sensation of his body against hers was still alive. But he had gone. He was up at the far end of the huge pool, splashing and frolicking as though nothing had happened between them.

She swam lazily, crossing the pool at the width rather than risking the length. She was feeling good, but she knew how quickly that could evaporate.

At last they climbed out and dried themselves off. Luke held up the robe for her to put her arms in. "Pretty," he said. "I haven't seen it before."

"Claudia gave it to me. I feel a fraud, it's such perfect silk, and I'm not really a silk kind of person."

"Why shouldn't you wear the best?" He briefly kissed her cheek and settled down on his own recliner. "Let's eat. It looks good."

The snacks were Spanish tapas, small portions of fish, meat and salad, and Sonia, whose family came from Andalucia, had turned them into an art form.

They both enjoyed them with gusto, until Luke said, "Pippa, we have to talk."

"What about?" she asked, puzzled by an edgy note in his voice.

"There's something we should have discussed days ago, but I guess I lost my nerve. You, too, maybe."

"Me… too?"

"Lost your nerve. Because it's something you really should have told me at the start, not let me blunder on, thinking that you-that we-''

He floundered to a halt, and in the silence Pippa felt herself drowning in horror. Luke had guessed the truth about her illness. What else could this mean?

"Luke, please don't blame me too much-"

"I don't. I know some things are hard to say. It's just that you were always such an honest person-well, you'd tell the truth if it brought an avalanche down on you…and on the rest of us."

"Maybe I've learned a little tact," she said quietly. "When you grow up, you don't want to risk avalanches. They tend to engulf the people you love."

"I wish I knew who you include on that list."

"Well…Josie mainly. You must understand that I've had to put her first."

"Of course." He seemed deflated. "It's just-would you tell me whether it's too late?"

Oh, God! He did know.

"I can't tell if it's too late or not," she said slowly. "How can I know that before I've got back to London?"

"And seen him."

"What?"

"Mark. That's his name, isn't it? You called him from your room…"

"Yes, he was due to meet us at the other end. I had to let him know not to."

"You were on the phone to him a long time."

"I called Josie, too, but she was at the zoo." She couldn't mention Frank.

"Is he a nice guy, this Mark?"

"Very nice."

"A good friend?"

"The best."

"Handsome, too."

"Very. In the guest house we call him Adonis."

"Oh, really! Well, I guess that's that! More champagne."

"Luke-what is it?'' She dismissed the suspicion creeping into her head as too impossible. "How did you know he was handsome?"

"Josie showed me some snapshots. There was a real nice one of you and him together in his car. She says you go driving with him a lot." He was looking out over the pool.

"Luke is this what you were talking about just now? Mark and me?"

"Of course. What else?"

They'd been at cross-purposes. He hadn't discovered her secret, after all. She could still tell him in her own way.

And now the suspicion became a reality. He was jealous. "So, you put two and two together, and came up with-what?"

"I don't know," he said grumpily. "You tell me. I mean, look-it's fair enough. I guess there was bound to be someone-and you tried to give me a hint-all that stuff about things being different. That's what you meant, wasn't it? About this Mark guy, and his fast cars and his Adonis looks. What's so damned funny?"

"You are," she chuckled. "Making a big deal about Mark."

"He isn't a big deal?"

"He's no kind of deal. Just a friend. They all are."

"That wasn't what you were trying to tell me the other night?"

"No, it wasn't. But, Luke, I want to talk to you about something quite different-"

He never heard her. His relief took the form of leaping to his feet, yelling, "Yahooo!" at the top of his voice, and toppling headfirst into the pool, landing with a splash that soaked her.

'' Yahooo!'' he yelled. "YAHOOO!''

She knew she should be firm and insist on telling him everything now, but like that other time, the knowledge that he was jealous filled the world. It could do no harm to enjoy her happiness for just a little longer. She would tell him tomorrow.

He swam back to her. "You're not in love with Mark?" he yelled.

She knelt down to talk to him. "No, of course I'm not."

"You're not in love with anyone else?"

"No!"

"YAHOOO!" Pippa covered her ears, laughing. "Listen-" he yelled. She uncovered them. "What did you think I meant, then?''

"Pardon?"

"You said I shouldn't blame you. Blame you for what? What did you think I meant?"

Her mind went blank. "I didn't know what you meant," she prevaricated. "I thought you were talking gibberish, the way you usually do. I just played along."

"But you must have meant something when you said-"

Inspiration came to her. "What's that?" she called, leaning down to him. "I can't hear you."

"I said-aaaaauuurgh!''

The last sound was a yell that became a gurgle as Pippa "lost her balance'' and toppled into the water, contriving to land neatly on top of him. They both sank into the depths and came up laughing. Pippa turned and swam away from him toward the shallow end where a brief flight of steps led up to the pool deck. She skipped up them, but they were slippery and she missed her footing, falling onto one knee.

"Darling!" He caught her in time to prevent her going down any farther. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine-that is-my knee took a bit of a bang. Just help me sit down."

He did so, tenderly wrapping a towel robe around her, lifting her legs onto the recliner and gently rubbing her knee until she pronounced that it was better. By that time, she was relieved to see, he'd forgotten what he'd been trying to ask her.

She was succumbing to an attack of blissful madness. It might be wrong, and sometime soon there would be a reckoning, but she would seize what life had offered her and count the cost later. Only a short time ago she'd been a sad creature, facing a return to the wilderness where there was no Luke, where she might never see him again. Suddenly all sadness was swept away. Before her stretched blissful days, and when the clock struck twelve, Cinderella wouldn't complain.

"What is it?" he asked quickly.

"What?"

"You sighed."

"Did I? I didn't know."

"Let me pour you some more champagne. Then you can tell me what you'd like to do for the rest of the day."

"Well, first I'll drink the champagne, and then-" she stretched and yawned "-then I'll let you pour me some more champagne."

"Yes, ma'am."

"After that I think I'll take a nap. It's been a tiring week, and now that I'm a lady of leisure I'm going to make the most of it. When I wake up I'll have a long, luxurious bath.''

"By which time supper will be ready."

"Hey, what are you doing?"

"Carrying you, so that you don't have to put too much pressure on that knee."

"Oh, yes, my knee," she said vaguely, trying to remember which knee he was talking about.

On the way into the house Luke said something in Spanish to Sonia, who bustled away. As they reached the top of the stairs, she was already in Pippa's room, turning down the bed.

"Shoo," Luke said, when Sonia showed a disposition to linger.

"And you can shoo, as well," Pippa said as he set her down. "I'm going to have a long sleep."

"Can't I stay?"

"No," she said firmly.

He smiled and began to help her off with the towel robe. And from nowhere came that little spurt of resentment she'd felt at the airport. He was so assured.

"Goodbye, Luke," she said.

He smiled and kissed the end of her nose. "You don't mean that. Think how well I could help you to sleep!"

"If I swing my fist, you'll be the one who goes to sleep-for twenty-four hours," she teased. "Now go."

"All right," he laughed. "Have a nice snooze, darling." He blew her a kiss and departed.

She slid down blissfully into Claudia's bed, wondering what had come over her to be so perverse. It was only half an hour ago she'd been happy just to be with Luke, longing for him. But he knew it and took it for granted just a little too much. And why shouldn't he? Nobody had ever said no to Luke.

But you did, said a perverse voice in her head. Since you arrived in Los Angeles a week ago, Luke has let you know in several ways that he still desires you, and you've turned him down.

So he kidnapped you. He virtually admitted it and expected you to see it his way. Things happen when it suits him, and only when it suits him. He was disconcerted about Mark, but only for a moment. He didn't really believe life could go against him. And now he thinks all he has to do is make his move.

He'll seduce you with teasing affection, delicately, subtly, making sure that you love every moment, for your pleasure will be as important to him as his own. That's what makes him so dangerously charming. But the end result will be what it always is. Luke will get his own way.

The clouds began to roll over her mind. She couldn't think of this anymore. She was too comfortable. Bidding the voice be silent, she slept.

She awoke to the sound of a bath being run. Sonia looked in, beamed and held up the robe for her to get into.

The bathroom was an eye-opener. Claudia had fancied the idea of a Greek temple, and her designer had gone to town. The bath was sunk in the floor and decorated with jigsaw mosaic around the rim. Elegant mosaics covered the walls. Sonia poured something into the water, and a delicious aroma assailed Pippa's nostrils.

She stepped into the scented water, feeling her cares vanish. To her relief the awkward voice was silent, and she was once more full of goodwill toward Luke.

She owned one good evening dress in a soft, green material that she wore with gilt accessories. Sonia then revealed that she'd once worked in a beauty parlor, and took over the management of her hair, brushing and curling it into an enchanting arrangement on top of her head.

Luke was enchanted. It was in his appraisal as she descended the stairs and took his outstretched hand. His eyes were warm and caressing, paying her silent tribute.

Because he thinks it's all so easy. The awkward voice was back.

Shut up! she told it firmly. I'm going to enjoy myself tonight.

Darkness had fallen and they dined by candle-light. It was Sonia's proud boast that she was the only person who could cook for Luke without reducing him to a nervous wreck, and Pippa soon found how she'd earned her reputation. The food was perfect. The wine was perfect. The atmosphere was perfect. Everything was perfect.

Too perfect. The voice again. It couldn't be silenced because it came from part of her own mind, the part that was still set to Common Sense. This section had several buttons of varying degrees of intensity, ranging from Oh, Yeah! through Pull the Other One! to Don't Take Me for a Fool! Right this minute Luke was racing up the scale with alarming speed, but she made a determined effort not to get upset. She really wanted to enjoy herself.

"I adore our daughter," he said as he refilled her wineglass. "But if you were to ask me if I mind that she's in someone else's care tonight," he held up his hand, "I cannot tell a lie. I'm delighted."

"I am, too," Pippa admitted. She took a mouthful of the confection Sonia had set before her. It was made of cream and ice cream, covered in a sauce made with wine, and she made a face of bliss.

"It's mind-blowing, isn't it?" Luke agreed. "I keep begging Sonia for the recipe, but she's holding out on me. Her best offer is to leave it to me in her will. Have some of mine, it's slightly different from yours."

They exchanged spoonfuls.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" she asked.

"Just thinking how gorgeous you look in the candlelight."

It was wonderful, he thought, how the years had changed her from a delightful girl to a spell-binding woman. Attractive had turned into beautiful, funny had become mysterious, and cheekily sexy was now sexually alluring. He was in a fever to make love with her. When their fingers touched over the spoons he felt a jolt of electricity that radiated over his skin until it homed in on his loins. He put his spoon down with a clatter and took a deep breath to steady himself. This wasn't easy.

They had a ten-year-old child, for Pete's sake, and he was trembling like a boy who'd never been to bed before. The thought of the coming night made him smile, adoring her.

"Come and look at the moon," he said, wondering how much more waiting he could stand. He took her hand and drew her to the French doors. A subtle perfume came from her body as she walked, and the light played on her bare shoulders, making the temptation to touch them irresistible.

His lips followed his hands, tracing gentle patterns on her bare skin, while his fingers glided along her arms.

"Luke-" To her dismay her response was dead.

"Sweet Pippa," he whispered, "kiss me, my love."

He pulled her around and took her into his arms in a deep, passionate embrace.

And she froze.

She couldn't help it.

"What is it?" he murmured against her lips. "Kiss me."

"Luke-let me go-''

He did, but only a little. "Darling, what is it? You've been in a funny mood all evening."

"Have I?"

"Yes, and I thought everything between us was perfect again."

"Everything was never perfect between us, Luke,'' she said in a calm voice that had a dangerous edge.

He heard it and felt a moment's alarm but no comprehension. "What do you mean? Wasn't it perfect all those years ago?"

"For you maybe, but I got my heart broken."

He frowned. "What do you mean?"

His honest incomprehension was like a match to gunpowder. Suddenly the years rolled back and she was Pippa again, young, pugnacious Pippa, who would as soon quarrel with a man as love him, and quarrel with him the more fiercely for loving him. She broke free and turned her back on the alluring moonlight, walking firmly back into the room.

"I mean-I mean-well, I suppose I mean all those things you were saying at the airport today. All about how we couldn't communicate at a distance. That's what we did for years when you wanted to. Now you've decided otherwise, and instead of doing what I planned, I end up here.''

"But, darling, you couldn't have just walked out on me."

"You walked out on me!"

There, she'd said it, after eleven years.

He stared as if she'd said something in another language. "Only because you let me," he said at last.

"You what? I did not 'let' you, you wanted to go-"

"You could have stopped me with a word. In fact, you could have stopped me by just staying there for five minutes. I told you I couldn't go any farther. What I didn't say was that I came all the way back to the barrier. I was so sure you'd still be there, and if you had been I'd have stayed. But not you. You walked straight off the minute I was out of sight. Out of sight, out of mind, huh?"

She stared at him, aghast. It couldn't be true, because if it was true it was unbearable.

"No," she said, "I don't believe that."

"Hey, c'mon, when have I ever been a liar? I went back, and you weren't there."

"That's right, I wasn't there," she said, breathing hard. "And you know why? Because you'd made it so clear that you were only around for a short time. Right from the start you were honest. You arranged everything so that I couldn't complain, because you'd been so bloody honest."

He'd never heard her swear before, and it shocked him so much that he could only stare at her, dumbfounded. He didn't know this woman whose face was distorted with anger and unshed tears.

"So I didn't complain. I did everything the way you wanted, the way everyone always does. I smiled and I didn't tell you my heart was breaking at losing you, and breaking again because you were so glad to be going."

"I wasn't-"

"Shut up! Just for once I'm going to tell you how I really feel about something. This time I'm not pretending in case the truth drives you away. I'm telling you about my feelings, what I want, and if you don't like it, then tough! I've spent too long loving you on your terms with nothing back, and I'm fed up.

You didn't want any ties, so I didn't create any, and that's been fine for you. But where did it leave me? Bringing up our child alone in a boarding house where nobody eats anything but chips.

"Oh, yes, you've been wonderful about money and you've stayed in touch, after a fashion. I tried to tell myself how lucky I was, because other men don't pay a penny, or they pretend the child isn't theirs. I wouldn't let myself face how selfish you were really being, because money's easy. You're a generous man, as long as it's only money, but ask you to give part of yourself, and you don't want to know.

"And those charming e-mails you and Josie exchange. Anyone can be charming at a distance. Five thousand miles, and switch the machine off when it suits you."

By now Luke had stopped even trying to reply. The world was collapsing around his ears, but that didn't matter. What mattered was that she was in anguish and it was somehow his fault.

She was gasping as though she'd been running, and the words seemed to have run down. She brushed a hand across her face, trying to hide the wetness on her cheeks. Her lips trembled, but he saw her swallow hard and force back the emotion.

"Oh, forget it," she said tiredly.

"No, I think you should say the rest of it, whatever the rest is. I guess there are some things in there that you've been waiting to say for years."

"Yes, well, I thought I wanted to say them, but the time is past. What difference can it make now?"

He poured himself a brandy and offered her one. She took it in one gulp. "Say it," he repeated.

"You'd got as far as switching off the machine when it suited me."

"Well, it's true, isn't it? I've had no machine to switch off. I'm there twenty-four hours a day, because that's what being a parent is. It's not just picking the nice bits. It's the boring bits, reading the same story for the fiftieth time because it's her favorite. It's broken nights, and not being able to go out with your friends because she needs you, and always thinking of her first. Things you wouldn't know anything about.

"It's not just giving her presents and being told you're wonderful. Sometimes it's being told you're horrible because you've said no to something she desperately wanted. You couldn't stand being told you're horrible."

"I'm getting a taste of it now," he said wryly.

"No, you're not horrible. You're selfish and immature and you've got enough charm to make people let you get away with it, so you know nothing about real life. But you're not horrible. That's why I've never said all this before. And maybe I should have done."

"So why didn't you?"

"Because I was young and stupid and so much in love with you that it hurt. I longed to marry you, but I knew that word was like a red rag to a bull. That's why I didn't ask you to Frank and Elly's wedding. I was so scared of losing you, and too ignorant to ask myself if you were worth keeping."

"Thanks!" he said, really nettled now.

"Anyone who's only interested in what he can have on his own terms isn't worth the heartbreak.

And I could have saved myself a lot of pain if I'd seen that before."

Luke tore his hair. "I wish I knew where all this came from. A few minutes ago everything was fine-"

"No, everything wasn't fine, not for me. I tried to believe it was, because it was so nice to be playing at romance and having you make a fuss of me. But the truth is that everything hasn't been fine for eleven years."

"You've felt like this for eleven years?" he echoed, aghast.

"That surprises you, doesn't it? That really surprises you."

"But I thought you were okay about it."

"You thought what you wanted to think. Did you ever once bother to come over to England and see how I was managing?"

"You could have called or written-" He saw her murderous expression and backtracked hastily. "No, no, forget I said that."

"For your sake, yes, I will forget it-just as you forgot me, until now it suits you to remember me again, and I'm supposed to jump into your arms. But I've moved on. I've had a child, and helping her grow up has made me grow up."

"Pippa, please, can't we talk about this calmly?"

"I don't want to talk about it calmly. I want to shout and scream because then maybe you'll understand what you did. I can live with you not bothering about me. What I can't forgive you for is ignoring Josie and thinking you could be a good father at a distance-sending her e-mails and gifts that somebody else picked out, and believing-My God! You really believed that was all there was to it. I shouldn't have had to bring her over here when it's almost too late for me, and if you'd been a half-decent father I wouldn't have had to."

Luke had paled-the only sign that his rarely aroused temper had begun to flare. "I suppose I should be glad that you said all this now,'' he said harshly. "Think how much longer we might have wasted. I've been fooling myself. I'm sorry. I know I was wrong in the past, but I thought I had a chance to make it right between us."

"Well you haven't," she cried. "It's too late! Years too late. How dare you do this to me now! Go to blazes, Luke! Go to perdition! Go to hell! I wish I'd never met you."