Forever with You

Chapter Two

I awoke in a panic, sweat beaded along my brow, my heart racing. I knew it was a dream, but the feeling it left was intense and vivid. Stupid, really. It wasn’t real.

But it wasn’t the dream video that had me in a panic—it was what might be on Stacy’s real life video. She’d said it was some sort of evidence about Hudson and Celia. I’d blown it off earlier in the night, but maybe I shouldn’t have because now it was seeping into my subconscious thoughts.

I glanced over at Hudson asleep next to me. Usually we remained in constant contact while we slept. His missing warmth exacerbated the “off” feeling that still clung to me after my nightmare. Not wanting to disturb my lover, I ignored the pull to snuggle into him and instead climbed out of bed, grabbed my robe, and headed to the bathroom.

Splashing cold water on my face, I took deep breaths and tried to calm down. I’d never been prone to nightmares. Even when my parents had died, my dreams had remained sweet and calm. My obsessive mind did enough work during the waking hours—sleep wasn’t where I fleshed out my problems.

I wasn’t obsessing like I had in the past, though. And there were problems still to be worked out. Yes, I was happy and in love. But the past week had been heartbreaking and stressful with Hudson in Japan and our relationship in limbo. I’d kept secrets that I wasn’t sure he could ever completely forgive me for. And he’d betrayed me in his own ways—going behind my back to remove David as the manager of The Sky Launch. Then, the worst, he hadn’t defended me. He’d chosen to listen to the lies of his childhood friend who was playing her own game where I was the pawn.

I knew our love outweighed the heaviness of those mistakes. He proved he knew it too when he arrived at the club earlier that evening, surprising me with his declaration of commitment to our relationship. Though he still hadn’t said the three words I longed to hear, I didn’t need them. I felt his love in every fiber of my being. Felt it as he’d made love to me on the dance floor with care and attention that spoke volumes. We were together for the long run, through thick and thin—it was apparent now and with that knowledge there should be a freedom from anxiety.

Except we still hadn’t worked out all our trust issues, and that had me feeling edgy. Plus there was this video that Stacy claimed to have. What did it show? Did I want to see it? Was it simply a trick? Or was it actually significant?

It bothered me enough to make me restless and unsure. Make me obsess while I slept.

It’s nothing, I told myself. It won’t affect anything with Hudson.

But the unease that encased me said differently.

“What’s wrong?”

Hudson startled me, but the tempo of my already accelerated heartbeat barely registered the shock. I peered over my shoulder at him standing in the bathroom door. He looked as he always looked—sexy and aloof. The sight of his naked body caused my breath to intake—every time—even when thoughts of jumping him weren’t on my mind. I bit my lip as my gaze traveled down his body. Well, maybe thoughts of jumping him weren’t as far away as I’d assumed.

He came behind me, his gray eyes probing mine in the mirror. “Are you okay?”

It crossed my mind to lie, but I wasn’t doing that anymore. I’d gotten a second chance with this man, and if we were going to make things work, I’d have to be better at sharing.

I needed to tell him about Stacy’s video.

And I would. But I needed a few minutes to regroup. “I just had a bad dream, and now I can’t sleep.”

His brow creased with worry. “Want to talk about it?”

I shook my head. Then changed my mind. “Yes. But later.”

“Hmm.” He wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed my head. “How about I get a hot bath going for you in the meantime?”

“That sounds heavenly.”

He let me go and started to the task. I leaned against the shower stall as Hudson bent over the large soaker tub and turned on the faucets. It was impossible not to admire his hard body, not to want to lick along the muscles of his abs, to bite the tight curve of his ass.

He glanced up at me. “Those are naughty thoughts clouding those brown eyes.”

My lips curved up into what I hoped was a suggestive grin. “Are you joining me?”

“In the naughty thoughts or in the tub?”

I swatted at his luscious behind. “The tub.”

“I’ll join you in both.” It was three in the morning on a weeknight. He had work in the morning. And the man had jet lag from a week overseas. But he never faltered at caring for me. He was always there. Even when I kicked him away to Japan, he still made sure I was looked after—sending his sister to check in, calling the doorman to deliver messages. When would I stop being surprised by his attention?

Never. That’s when.

I undid my robe and hung it on a wall hook, enjoying the lust in Hudson’s gaze as I stood naked before him. I stuck a toe in to test the heat. The water was perfect—almost too hot, just like I liked it. I stepped in and leaned forward so that Hudson could slide in behind me. It dawned on me that we’d never bathed together. How could it feel like we’d been through everything yet there was so much we had left to experience? It was a comforting thought—to realize that we were still only in the new, that we could look forward to more.

When he was settled, I leaned back against his chest.

He nuzzled his nose along my cheek. “This is nice.”

“The temperature is perfect.” My muscles were already loosening in the warmth, the tension of my dream easing.

“I meant holding you.” Hudson’s voice was soft, as though his words were difficult to admit. “I’ve missed this.”

God, I’d missed it too. That was one of the reasons I felt so uneasy—I was still recovering from the time we’d been apart. My mind was still processing what I’d almost lost—everything.

I’d almost lost everything.

That was surely why I was so worried about Stacy’s supposed evidence. The questions that remained between us didn’t help my anxiousness. We still had so many things left undeclared.

We soaked in silence for long comfortable minutes. When the water began to cool, Hudson reached for a bottle from the built-in ledge behind the marble tub. He poured a dab of soap into his hand from my cherry blossom body wash—a new favorite scent of mine—and worked it into my skin with deep massaging strokes. When he’d finished with my arms, he nudged me forward to continue the treatment on my back. Then he pulled me against him and bent my legs so he could reach every part of my body.

Last, his fingers splayed along my belly and up my chest. He spent a sweet amount of time on my breasts, kneading them with just the right amount of pressure until my nipples perked up. He nibbled at my earlobe and one hand began its descent to my lower regions. The thickening of his cock against my lower back told me exactly what was on his mind.

But first there were things to say. I didn’t believe there was anything worrisome enough to crush our potential future together, but big enough that things had to be said.

I turned to straddle him, the water sloshing at my sudden movement.

Lacing his hands in mine to keep them occupied, I began. “We have stuff to work through.”

His eyes stayed pinned on my breasts, as he raised an eyebrow. “We do?”

“We do.” I bent my head to catch his gaze. “Who’s going to run your club?”

His smile was mischievous. “You.”

I smirked but didn’t agree. I also didn’t disagree. He claimed he wanted me to take over The Sky Launch, but I was convinced it was only an excuse to get rid of David Lindt. Hudson achieved part of his agenda—David was leaving in a little more than a week to take over one of Hudson’s clubs in Atlantic City. I’d been pissed, but as the idea had settled over me, I’d realized it had been the right move on Hudson’s part. Working every day with my ex wasn’t exactly a good idea. I wouldn’t want Hudson working with one of his exes, after all.

It didn’t mean I was ready to run the club myself.

I also wasn’t quite willing to give it to someone else.

Perhaps that would have to be tabled for a time when Hudson’s cock wasn’t pressing against my core. His cock could make me say yes to anything.

His fingers still linked with mine, Hudson began to seduce me with his lips, leaning forward to take my breast in his mouth.

I sighed with pleasure, my body yielding to him. My head, however, was still wrapped up in details. “And what happens next with Celia?”

His lips left my breast. “Really? You want to talk about Celia now?”

“I never want to talk about her. But I need to know that she isn’t a threat to me.” I swallowed the unexpected lump that formed in my throat. “To us.” I hadn’t realized how scared I still was about her possible influence on my relationship with Hudson.

“Hey.” Hudson cupped my face in his hands. “She’s not a threat. She has no solid proof of her claims, and she’s not pressing charges. Even if she did, I’d still be here with you. You know that.”

I nodded weakly. “But what about going forward?”

“Simple. We don’t see her. We don’t speak to her. We don’t answer her emails.”

“We don’t?” Of course I wouldn’t see her—I hated the bitch. But what about Hudson?

“Yes, we. I don’t have room in my life for anyone who is against us.”

Another wave of tension rolled off of me. “Your mother is against us too, you know.” I was pressing my luck. Sophia Pierce, monster that she was to both her son and me, would likely always be a staple in Hudson’s life. I would never ask him to cut her off. Though I disliked her, I recognized the importance of family.

“I know.” Hudson sighed, his hands leaving my face. “At least she hasn’t tried to sabotage us. If she does, I’m done with her. You’re the only one that matters.”

“Thank you.” I kissed him softly. “But I hope it doesn’t come to that. It would be nice to believe that there could one day be reconciliation where Sophia is concerned.” It had only been a few days since I’d reconciled with my brother Brian. It had relieved a constant knot in my belly that I hadn’t even been aware of. The same scenario wasn’t likely to happen with Hudson and Sophia, but, hey, what did I know?

My thoughts travelled back to Celia, her reasons for playing me still unclear. “But why did she do it, Hudson? Why was Celia against us?”

“Not us. Me.” His jaw tightened. “She’s mad at me.”

“Still? For what you did all those years ago?” My heart panged at his obvious torment. Hudson wasn’t proud of his past and how could he be expected to move on when it kept coming back to haunt him?

Then anger took over. “I don’t care what you did to her—she’s a bitch. It was awful and terrible and horrible to do what she did. Especially when she claims to be your friend. Is she still in love with you? Is that her problem?”

Hudson lowered his eyes. “If she thinks she loves me, hurting you isn’t the way to win my affection.”

“Well, she certainly acts like a jealous lover.”

“Without reason.” He brushed his hand across my cheek. “Celia and I have never had anything together. Nothing. Except for…” His voice softened. “Except for what I made her believe I felt for her.”

“She knows that wasn’t real.” I hated that this still tormented him. “And that was forever ago, now. If she’s trying to get you back, it seems she already did that when she slept with your father and trapped you into claiming to be the father of her baby instead of Jack. Why didn’t you tell me about that, by the way?”

“I should have.” His tone was filled with regret.

“Yes, you should have.” It would have made things much clearer to me about his relationships with both Celia and his father. And it had been yet another thing that stood as a wall between us—though most of the secrets keeping us apart had been mine. That was my regret.

Hudson released his hands from mine and swept them down my ribs. “It didn’t feel like it was my secret to tell.”

“Okay, that’s fair.” I shivered as his fingers kneaded the skin at my hips. He was getting restless, wanting more, wanting me. The time for talking was nearing an end. I had to jump to the meat of my concerns. “But some things have to change between us. We have to be able to share these things with each other. You could have at least told me you had good reasons not to trust her, reasons I shouldn’t trust her.”

“And you could have honored my wishes when I said don’t see her.”

“Yes, I could have.” I let out a sigh. “We both have to change. We have to put everything on the line, Hudson, as much as possible. We know now that we’re together, thick and thin, right? We have to trust that more than anything. We can’t be afraid of our secrets and our pasts. Both of us. Honesty, open doors, transparency.”

He cocked a brow. “Nakedness?”

Yep, I was losing him. “You’re such a perv.”

“I agree.” He leaned forward again to lick a bead of water from my nipple. “I am a perv where you’re concerned.”

I smirked. Which was difficult considering how his tongue on my breast made me crazy. “Hudson, stop. I’m serious.”

“I know.” He leaned back against the tub. “And I agree with everything else you said. We need to be honest.”

“Good.” I put my hand up to stop him before he resumed his seduction. “Hold on. I have one more thing.”

“Okay, what?”

He was getting impatient but trying not to show it. I almost decided to leave the rest of our conversation for later. But the memory of my nightmare and the cold foreboding feeling that lingered in my chest pushed me forward. “What happened between you and Stacy?”

“Stacy?” He seemed confused. “Mirabelle’s Stacy?”

“Yeah.”

“Nothing happened.” He was bewildered by my question. “What do you mean? Like did I date her? I took her to a charity event a year or so ago. But after that, nothing.”

“And I didn’t sleep with her,” he added before I had to ask.

That was comforting. But that wasn’t the reason she concerned me. “Is there a reason she’d have a vendetta against you? Or reason to distrust you?”

He shook his head slowly. “Not that I can think of.”

“She wasn’t one of your past victims?”

“Victims?” His eyes narrowed. “Is that what you call the people I played with?”

I cringed. “Maybe that wasn’t the best choice of words?”

“No. It probably is the best choice. That doesn’t make it pleasant to hear.”

“I’m sorry.”

His features darkened. “Don’t be. It’s my past. I have to live with it. Why are you asking?”

I took a deep breath. We were putting everything on the line, after all. This was part of it. “The last time we were at Mira’s, Stacy told me that she had some sort of video. A video that proved something or other about you and Celia. She didn’t have it with her, so I gave her my phone number so she could contact me later.”

“The last time we were at Mira’s together?”

“Yeah. She cornered me while you were finding me shoes. Do you know what she’s talking about?” I studied his face, trying to pick up on anything he might be hiding.

“No idea.” Either he was really good at acting or he truly had no clue. I’d never seen him so perplexed. “She didn’t tell you what the video was of?”

“No. Just that she had it and that it would show me why I couldn’t trust you.” I bit my lip. “And she texted me again tonight. Or sometime this past week when I didn’t have a phone, and I didn’t get the message until tonight.”

I expected him to ask why I hadn’t told him earlier, but he didn’t. “What did her text say?”

“That the video was too big to send over the phone but to contact her if I wanted to see it.”

He considered. “Do you want to see it?”

“No.” But I kind of did. “Yes.” Unless I didn’t. “I don’t know. Should I?”

“Well.” He rubbed his hands up my arms. “You know that Celia can’t be trusted already. And there is nothing that Stacy could have on me that you don’t already know. You know more about my secrets and my past than anyone. You know me, Alayna.”

“I do.”

“Then unless you don’t trust me…”

“I do trust you. If you say there’s nothing I should be concerned about…”

His eyes locked on mine. “There isn’t.”

I paused. The minute I said my next words, I couldn’t take them back. I’d have to put the video out of my mind and move on. It went against all my obsessive tendencies—could I do it?

I believed I could. For Hudson. I smiled. “Then I don’t need to see it.” It was easier to say than I would have imagined. And I meant it. I didn’t need the proof of other people to know who Hudson was, what he meant to me.

It was amazing how much better I felt having the subject of the video off my chest. It no longer felt like a weight on me, though there was still some lingering edginess that probably just needed time to distill.

Hudson leaned forward and kissed my chin. “Thank you.”

“For what, exactly?”

“For being open with me.” He tilted his head. “You didn’t have to tell me about that, and you did anyway.”

“I’m serious about being more open and honest.”

“I see that. I’m serious about it too. The only way we can move on is to decide that we’re committed to each other first and foremost.” His eyes rose to meet mine. “Are we?”

They were only two short words, but the weight of the question was heavy—heavier than when he’d asked me to be his girlfriend or to move in. And yet it was with ease and certainty that I responded. “I am.”

“So am I.” He captured my mouth with his, sucking lightly on my bottom lip before his tongue flicked inside, twisting with mine in an erotic dance of foreplay. I threw my hands around his neck, pulling myself closer into him. His cock thickened between us and my pussy clenched in reaction, wanting and needing him as much as his kiss said he needed me.

Without releasing my mouth, Hudson moved a hand to my breast. He was such an expert at handling me in the way I needed, his touch never too gentle, always just the right amount of rough. I cried against his lips as he squeezed my tit, driving me mad. I was so concentrated on his attention to my chest, I didn’t notice his other hand traveling lower until his thumb was rubbing against my clit. I jolted at the exquisite pressure, my knees clutching his hips. I was already feeling the tight sensation in my lower belly building toward eruption. So soon, too soon.

I was on top, and wanting to delay my explosion until we could go together, I pushed away his hand from my core. Hudson’s eyes closed slightly as I circled my grip around his thick erection. I stroked him once before shifting my weight forward onto my kneecaps. Positioning myself over him, I slid down his hard length, moaning as he filled me.

I sat atop him, sitting still for several seconds as my body adjusted to his size, my walls expanding to make room for him. Damn, he felt good. Just like that, without any movement—he felt made for me, as though his penis had been carved to fit my pussy and mine alone. I shuddered at the carnal thoughts that intensified the heavenly sensation of him inside me.

He shifted beneath me, his impatience evident. So I moved, riding him. Slowly at first, then more determined. My hands braced against his shoulders, pushing me off with the force I knew Hudson desired, the force I desired. It wasn’t long before his hands were wrapped around my ass, augmenting my movement. And then, he held me still as his hips thrust up and forward in a circular pattern, driving into me with long deliberate strokes.

“Do you always have to take over?” I asked, breathless. Not that I minded. I enjoyed being on the other end of his control.

His lip curled at the edge. “If you want us both to come, then yes.”

I laughed, the action causing him to twitch inside me, bringing me to the brink. When I could speak again, I asked, “And who is it that wouldn’t come if I stayed in control?”

“You.” His fingers tightened at my hips and, as if to prove his point, he pushed deeper into me, brushing against a spot—that spot, the one that always did it for me, the one that only he could find and that he found each and every time.

My orgasm came suddenly, taking me by surprise. I gasped, digging my fingernails into his skin as I rode the wave of ecstasy that passed through my every nerve, shooting down my limbs and clouding my vision.

Hudson’s tempo didn’t abate as I crumpled on top of him. He continued to thrust towards his own climax, driving toward that intangible goalpost. And then he was crossing the finish line, grinding against my clit as he spilled into me, causing another shudder from my already limp body.

While he settled, he kissed along my neck, along my jawline, finally making it to my lips where he sweetly lingered, adoring me with his mouth until our heart rates returned to a more normal pace.

Then he pulled away and met my eyes. His brow furrowed. “Alayna.” Hudson cradled my face. “What is it, precious?”

It took me a beat to understand his question. Then I realized that tears were leaking down my face. And then they were more than tears. Uncontrollable sobs broke through me as though a great well of grief had been released.

Embarrassed and unable to explain my outburst, I pushed away and climbed out of the tub.

“Alayna, talk to me.” He was behind me, wrapping a towel around my body as he dripped onto the floor.

I shook my head and ran to the bedroom.

Hudson followed. He grabbed my upper arms and turned me toward him. “Talk to me. What is it?”

My body heaved with the anguish. It wasn’t a new pain, but one that had been with me for the better part of a week. I just hadn’t fully expressed it yet—not to Hudson, not to myself.

“You. Really. Hurt me,” I managed. The words were broken and hard to get out between sobs.

“Just now?”

“No.” I swallowed and tried to calm myself enough to speak. “You really hurt me. With Celia. When you believed her. Instead of me.” The pain was so raw, so fresh. Even though he’d made amends and we were together, the remnants of that betrayal still clung to me. I’d tried to move on before the scar had formed, and now, unexpectedly, the wound reopened.

“Oh, Alayna.” He pulled me into his chest. “Tell me. Tell me all of it. I need to hear it.”

“It hurts, Hudson. It hurts so much.” I took a ragged breath. “Even though you’re here. Now. And we’re together. There’s a hole.” My sentences were short and broken. “A deep, deep hole.”

His body tensed around me and I felt the degree to which he shared my grief. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. If I could take it back, if I could change how I reacted…I would have chosen differently.”

“I know. I do. But you didn’t choose differently. And you can’t take that back.” My voice strengthened as the ache inside surfaced. Like I was throwing up. Once it started, there was no stopping, and the process was uncomfortable and suffocating.

I pulled away from him, still in his arms, but no longer buried in him. “You can never take that back.”

“No. I can’t.” He pushed my wet hair off my shoulders.

“And that changes things. It changes me.”

He paused, worry etching his face. “How?”

“It makes me vulnerable. Exposed.” I suddenly became aware that he was wearing nothing. It was fitting. Because, even though I was wrapped in a towel, I’d never been more naked in front of him. “And you know now. That you can hurt me.” I choked as my tears returned. “You can hurt me real bad.”

“Alayna.” He pulled me back into him, his voice thick with emotion. “My precious girl. I never want to hurt you again. Will you ever be able to…forgive me?”

I nodded, unable to respond verbally. Yes, I could forgive him. I already had. But it didn’t change how much it hurt. It didn’t change how much healing still had to occur.

Hudson rocked me in his arms as I cried, intermittently kissing my head and apologizing. After a while, he swept me into his arms and carried me to the bed. He curled up with me, holding me against him.

When I’d finally finished with the tears, I sat up against the headboard with a hiccup. “Huh. I don’t know where that came from.”

He sat up next to me, wiping my cheeks. “You needed to let it out. I understand.”

“You do?”

“I do.” He put a tentative arm around me. “Is it okay that I’m here?”

“Yes! Please, don’t leave.” I clutched him, afraid that he would go.

“As long as you want me, I’m here.”

“Good.” I relaxed, letting my heartbeat return to a normal pace. “All that?” I gestured abstractly, referring to my sob scene. “That was just…”

“Healing?”

“Yeah. Cathartic. The last step of all that before stuff. I think I have some closure now.” I felt cleansed—inside and out. I smiled as I traced Hudson’s lips with my finger.

“I admire your optimism, but old pain has a way of showing up from time to time, even when life is going well.” He caught my finger in his hand. “I’m sure we’ll both feel this way every now and then.”

I took a long breath in. I couldn’t stand that I’d hurt him too. It almost pained me as much as his betrayal.

“Don’t dwell on it.” His voice was soft. “We have the future to make up for the hurts we’ve caused each other.”

Right then, I was ready to dedicate my life to making up. Was I really thinking of us as forever? Well, at least long term.

I twisted my lips at the thought. “This is a new beginning for us, isn’t it?”

He leaned forward to brush my nose with his. “No. This is better than a beginning. This is what happens next.”

“I like that.”

He leaned in and kissed me, sweetly and luxuriously, with promises of all the other things that would happen next. As if there was nothing in the world to do but lavish me with love.