Golden Trail

Chapter Twenty-Five Dark

Saturday, 3:37 p.m.

They were losing her. Towers had followed Jeremy when he was supposed to be going to the church for Youth Group. He didn’t realize he was being tailed and when he didn’t go to church and drove right past, she’d peeled off and gone back to The Brendel.

Colt had called Layne in. Emergency meeting. Jeremy hadn’t been able to get the clients’ names or the dirt on Rutledge and he’d fucked it up, went after it too hard, too desperate and she got curious as to why he wanted to know.

Now they were screwed.

Layne’s phone rang, he pulled it out, looked at the display and saw it said, “Tripp Calling”.

He flipped it open and started, “Yo –”

“Dad, somethin’s wrong with Rocky,” Tripp whispered.

Layne nearly drove off the road at the tone of his son’s voice.

In order to get some work done, he’d left his family that morning with donuts and college football pre-game shows. They were having a special dinner that night and Rocky and Vera were planning the menu. Rocky had called the furniture store on Friday and ordered the furniture, paying extra for express delivery that day. Giselle was going to help them break in the table and Rocky had called Vi and talked her into letting Keira come, even though she was still grounded for two more days, just for the night, just for dinner.

Dave and Merry were coming too.

The whole family.

Rocky, wearing his robe, and Vera had been laughing about some woman shit and clicking through recipes on Jasper’s laptop at the island when he left.

Now something was wrong.

Layne swiftly changed lanes and turned left to circle home.

“Talk to me, Pal,” Layne ordered while he drove.

“I don’t know, the dudes got here with the furniture. They brought in the big couch and then the table. They tore all the shit away from the table and Rocky, she went funny. She stared at that table and she went funny. Then she took off running to your room. It was like Gram knew what was happening and she took off after her. Gram’s in your room with her now and sometimes she shouts. Jasper is upstairs, standing outside your door, he won’t leave it and he didn’t have his phone. He told me to call you and then call Dev.”

“Sometimes she shouts?” Layne asked.

“She doesn’t even sound like her, Dad, it’s…” His voice broke and Layne’s stomach dropped hearing it. “Dad, it’s freaking creepy.”

Fuck.

Layne hooked another left. “What does she say?”

“Nothin’ that makes sense.”

“Tell me what she says, Tripp.”

He was quiet a beat and then he said, “She says she can’t make you do it.”

“Can’t make me do what?”

“I don’t know, Dad, God!” He was getting agitated, or more agitated. “That’s just what she says. Over and over again. ‘I can’t make him do it! I can’t make Layne do it!’”

Jesus fucking Christ.

“Do not let her leave,” Layne ordered.

“Right.”

“Tripp, listen to me, if she doesn’t have her keys, find them and hide them. If she’s got them, talk to Jasper and tell him to do what he’s gotta do to get them away from her. She still tries to go, I don’t care if you have to tackle her and pin her to the ground, do not hesitate, boy, and do not let her leave. Tell your brother.”

“Right.”

“I’m coming home right now.”

“Right.”

“Be there soon,” he stated, flipped his phone closed, flipped it open, scrolled down to Dave and hit go.

“Hey Tanner,” Dave answered.

“Rocky’s turned,” Layne announced and got silence. “Dave, did you hear me? Rocky’s turned. Something’s wrong. Tripp just called, said she’s shouting at Ma about not making me do something and he says she doesn’t sound like Rocky. He’s freaked.”

“I’m on my way,” Dave replied urgently.

“No, no you are fuckin’ not. Talk to me.”

“She needs me.”

“Talk to me, Dave.”

“I’m at the tackle shop in Plainfield, I’ll be there soon’s I can.”

“Dave –”

Dead air.

“Fuck!” Layne exploded, stopped at a red light and waited impatiently, adrenalin surging through his system, so much he could feel it. His hands were shaking, the muscles in his thighs quivering, he was staring at the no turn on red sign like he could make it designate with his eyes. “Fuck,” he whispered.

He turned when he had his shot, the light still red, Layne went right and broke the speed limit by thirty miles an hour, overtaking two cars to make it home. He parked on the street and ran flat out to the front door, opening it, he heard her instantly.

“No!” Rocky shrieked, her voice hoarse, guttural, even as Layne moved to the stairs he felt that voice send a shiver along his skin. “I’ve got to go! I have to be gone before he gets home!”

“Rocky, honey, just calm down, okay? Okay, honey?” Vera cooed, Layne took the stairs three at a time and hit the top to see Tripp, Vera and Jasper had Rocky cornered in the weight room.

Her face was red, her body was wired, her hair was down and wild, like she’d been tearing her hands through it, a vein had popped out on her forehead, running down the middle to disappear at the bridge of her nose.

Her eyes came to his and hers were flooded with fear.

“Baby,” he whispered and she moved, like a dart, shooting through his family, right at him.

She tried to dodge him at the last minute but he caught her, arm at the waist, swinging her up in front of him, her back to his front. Her legs kicked and her nails clawed at his arm but he turned and walked to his room even as she fought.

“Calm down, Rocky,” he whispered in her ear, her body bucked, her head colliding against his shoulder when he jerked his out of the way at the last second. “Calm down, baby.”

“Let me go!” she screeched in that hideous voice.

He got into his room and she twisted violently in his arms, her hand up, she scored his neck with her nails and the pain shot through him, his arms loosening, she yanked away from him and tried to get passed him but he put a hand flat on her chest and gently pushed her back, feeling Vera, Tripp and Jasper moving in behind him to cut her off. She still made a run for it and Layne caught her again and pushed her back.

Her gaze swept Layne, his mother and his boys and she retreated, slowly stepping back, her eyes locking on Layne as he advanced.

“Don’t,” she warned, lifting a hand and stopping so Layne stopped too.

“Rocky, what’s goin’ on?” Layne asked softly.

“I can’t make you do it,” she told him and she began to pace, like an animal in a cage, side to side, her eyes flitting from him to Tripp to Vera to Jas to Layne and back as she repeated, “I can’t make you do it.”

“Do what?” Layne asked.

She shook her head, her eyes catching his. “I can’t make you do it.”

“Do what, baby?”

“Be with me,” she said and then started chanting as she paced. “I can’t make you be with me, I can’t make you be with me, I can’t make you be with me.”

Jesus. Jesus.

“Rocky, baby,” Layne whispered.

She started to shake her head and kept doing it, her eyes going to her feet, she was still pacing back and forth, “I didn’t help her. I didn’t help her. It was so dark.”

“Oh my God,” Vera breathed as Layne felt his chest squeeze.

“Rocky, what was dark?” he whispered.

She kept shaking her head. “It was so dark.”

“What was dark, honey?”

“I hid, I hid, I hid when I should have helped her. I hid in the dark,” Rocky whispered.

“You hid,” Layne said quietly, inching toward her, “You hid when Carson Fisher came?”

She started nodding then, her head moving in a rhythm, uncontrolled, bobbing up and down, Rocky was gone, the woman she was was not there. She’d slid back twenty-four years.

Layne felt Devin’s presence hit the room but he didn’t turn and Rocky didn’t notice him.

“Yes, when he came. She heard his car. She came to my room. She woke me up and told me to call 911. She told me to hide. She told me to hide.” Her head jerked back and she stopped pacing, the look on her face searing into his soul when she whispered, “I did what I was told.”

“Baby, you did what you were told. You called 911. You hid. You did the right thing.”

“I should have helped her.”

“You couldn’t have helped her.”

“She was shouting.”

Layne was moving closer but stopped when Rocky noticed it, took a huge step back and started visibly trembling.

“Baby, you couldn’t have helped her.”

“He hurt her before he shot her,” Rocky whispered.

Fuck, fuck, he knew that, he’d read the report. Carson Fisher had spent some time with Cecilia Merrick. Not much, he didn’t have it. But he needed the evidence that Cecilia had so he tried torturing her to get it, he did a messy job of it in his haste and the results were unpleasant.

Cecilia had lived through it though, and died when she took a bullet to the face.

Layne just didn’t know Rocky knew it.

Fuck.

“He hurt her and she was screaming.”

“Honey, come here.”

“I didn’t help, I hid, I hid and it was so dark.”

“Baby, please, come here.”

“The eaves,” she whispered, she was rocking her torso side to side, her arms sliding along her belly and holding tight, “Dad hated it when the birds got up there so he sealed it tight. I went out the little door to the eaves and it was so dark.”

“Rocky, please, baby, come here.”

“I went there, like a coward, and listened in the dark while she screamed.”

“Rocky –”

“All alone.”

“Rocky –”

“I left her all alone.”

“Roc –”

Her hands suddenly went straight down, balled into fists and she shrieked, “I left her all alone! He hurt her, I left her all alone! And she knew I could hear that! She died knowing I could hear that. She knew! My Momma. Sheknewsheknewsheknew.”

Layne moved forward fast, caught her in his arms but she struggled, yanked free and ran to the corner, pressing her side to it, she twisted to him, hand up, eyes on him.

“Don’t touch me,” she whispered and he watched her body tremble.

“Ma, call Doc,” Layne ordered, not taking his eyes off Rocky and Vera didn’t say a word but he knew she left the room, he saw Rocky’s eyes follow her. “Rocky, baby, you aren’t yourself,” he told her, moving again slowly and her eyes shot back to him. “This is called post-traumatic stress, honey. You aren’t yourself. This isn’t then, this is now, you’re safe.”

She shook her head. “No, no I’m not.”

“You’re safe, baby, nothing is ever gonna hurt you.”

“No, no, I’m not safe. You’re not safe.”

“I’m safe, Rocky.”

“No,” she kept shaking her head. “It isn’t right. It could have been right but it isn’t right now. Not now. It’s worse than before. A lot worse. We could have had time but I fucked up.”

“Honey –”

Her head still shaking she talked over him. “I can’t make you do that.”

She started sliding down the wall, her knees to her chest, her hand still lifted as if to fend him off.

“I can’t make you do that,” she repeated.

Layne crouched in front of her two feet away.

“Baby, can’t make me do what?” he whispered.

“Lose me,” she whispered back.

“You’re not goin’ anywhere,” he told her.

“I’m going to die.”

Layne’s body froze.

Then he whispered, “What?”

“She was thirty-nine when she died. That’s next year for me, Layne.”

“Rocky –”

“That’s what I’m going to get, for not helping her. I’m going to die when she died. I know, I’ve always known, I’ll never make it. I’ll never make it. I knew what it would feel like to lose you and I knew you’d feel the same way if you lost me. Like Dad. You’d be like Dad. If we had the chance to have a life, I knew you’d never move on.” Her hand dropped and she wrapped both arms around her legs but her eyes didn’t leave his, they were burning into him and his chest was burning, his throat and he could do nothing but hold her eyes. “I left you to give you a life, baby,” she whispered, her voice hoarse, the tears hitting her eyes, sliding down, silent. “I wanted you to have a life.”

“That’s why you left me?” he asked quietly.

She nodded. “I didn’t want you to hurt. I knew how bad it hurt. I felt it. Saw it in Merry. Saw it in Dad. I didn’t want you to hurt.”

“Rocky, come to me.”

“We can’t have a baby girl, she won’t have a Momma,” Rocky whispered.

Layne’s voice was rough when he begged, “Please, baby, come to me.”

“I know what it’s like to lose your Momma.”

“Baby, please.”

“I can’t sit at the table with the family, Layne. I let my family die, left her all alone to die, crouched like a coward in the dark and listened to her scream while I let her die.”

“You didn’t let her die, honey, Fisher killed her.”

“I can’t sit at the table when I let my family die.”

Layne was done.

“I’m comin’ to you, Roc.”

She shook her head as the tears slid down her face, off her jaw to hit her sweater.

“Right now, baby, I’m coming to you.”

She kept shaking her head as he moved to her and he braced for a fight but when he got to her, she surged into him, pressing in, deep and tight. He twisted and sat in the corner, she crawled into his lap, curling into a ball, her arms attached around his neck like she was never going to let him go and the tears came. Not tears. Great, wracking, body rocking sobs.

He held her close and looked up to see Devin, Tripp and Jasper had moved in.

“Dave’s gonna get here and he’ll have called Merry. They don’t approach. I don’t care what you do but I don’t want them up here until Doc sees to her.”

“Gotcha, son,” Devin whispered.

“Go, close the door,” Layne ordered.

Devin nodded, he turned but Jasper and Tripp didn’t move, their eyes were glued to their father.

“Go,” Layne whispered.

Dev’s arms came out and he hooked both Layne’s boys, gently turning them and guiding them away.

Rocky shoved her face deeper into his neck, Layne dropped his head and spoke in her ear.

“We’re gonna work this out of you, baby.”

She shook her head.

“Swear, Roc, swear, I’m gonna take care of you. Yeah?”

She didn’t answer, just pressed deeper.

Layne’s arms got tight. “Love you, Raquel.”

Another sob tore up her throat but, thank fuck, she held on.

Doc slid Rocky’s hair off her neck then his eyes came to Layne.

“You can let her go, son, she’s sleeping,” Doc whispered.

“Get Ma,” Layne ordered.

Doc looked into his eyes, took a breath in his nose and nodded. Then he walked out of the room.

Layne was in bed, shoulders to the headboard, Rocky curled asleep on top of him. Doc had administered the injection while she was still sobbing, Christ, so many tears. He didn’t know a body had that many tears. She didn’t struggle. She took the shot and slowly faded to quiet in his arms.

Now it was now and he knew both Dave and Merry were downstairs. He knew too that they had lost a wife, a mother.

And he didn’t fucking care.

Vera slid into the room and her eyes went directly to him.

“Get in bed, Ma.”

She nodded and hurried to Rocky’s side of the bed. She sat like Layne was sitting and he turned Rocky into her outstretched arms. When Rocky’s head settled on his mother’s chest and Vera had pulled Rocky’s arm around her belly, Layne slid out of bed.

“Don’t let her go,” Layne whispered.

“I won’t, honey,” Vera whispered back.

Layne walked to the door, closed it and he should have taken a breath. He should have taken three.

He didn’t.

He stalked down the stairs.

Everyone was in the kitchen, Dev, Tripp, Jas, Doc, Dave and Merry.

Dave was sitting at the island. Merry was standing beside it.

“How is –?” Dave started but stopped when Layne stalked straight to Merry.

Merry’s face was ravaged with worry but that didn’t penetrate the fury spiraling around Layne. What it did was bring Merry’s guard down so he didn’t move fast enough which meant Layne got close, wrapped his hand tight around Merry’s throat and he kept walking, pushing Merry back.

“Dad!” Tripp shouted.

Merry’s hands came up to Layne’s forearm as Layne squeezed.

“Tanner!” Dave yelled.

“Boy!” Devin yelled too but Layne shoved Merry against the wall, pinned him there with his body and got in his face, still squeezing.

“Twenty-four years, you asshole, twenty-four years, you left that festering in her head.”

“Boy, stand down,” Devin ordered, his hand on Layne’s back but Layne twitched his body, throwing off Devin’s hand and he squeezed Merry’s throat harder.

“You knew,” Layne clipped as Merry choked. “You knew that’s why she left me. You knew that was torturing her. And you left her to that agony.”

“Tanner, son, please,” Dave was close and Layne turned to him, his other arm shooting up, he pointed a finger right in Dave’s face.

“You’re not right here, old man, because you’re an old man. You deserve worse,” he growled and Dave’s pale face grew paler.

“Brother,” Merry choked.

Layne jerked his head around and got in Merry’s face again. “I’m not your brother,” he bit out.

Merry’s eyes narrowed and he yanked on Layne’s forearm. “You don’t get it.”

“I fuckin’ well do, it leaked straight from her eyes into my skin, you asshole.”

“You don’t get it,” Merry rasped.

“What didn’t sink into my skin filled my head, she told me, Garrett. She told me.”

“She made us promise, Tanner,” Dave said behind him, his tone pleading.

Jasper got close and whispered, “Stand down, Dad.”

Layne stayed in Merry’s face and stared in his eyes. It didn’t occur to him Merry wasn’t struggling except to keep Layne’s hand from squeezing the life out of him.

“Dad, stand down,” Jasper repeated, Layne’s body locked before he pushed off, shoving Merry deeper into the wall as he took a step away.

“You aren’t welcome in this house,” he announced as both Merry’s hands went to his throat.

“Please listen to me, son,” Dave begged and Layne turned to him.

“You want me to listen now? Is that right? Now you want me to listen,” Layne asked sarcastically.

“Devin told us it was bad up there,” Dave said quietly.

“Yeah, Dave, I guess you could describe it as bad, watchin’ my woman relive a nightmare where she heard her mother scream through torture, you could describe that as bad.”

Dave flinched then his face got hard. “That’s my wife you’re talkin’ about.”

“No, Dave, that’s your daughter I’m talkin’ about.”

Dave’s jaw clenched.

“She made us promise, Tanner,” Merry said softly and Layne turned to him.

“Yeah, she did? What’d she make you promise?” Layne asked.

“When she left you, she was out of it, like what you saw but worse, it lasted two days,” Merry explained.

Two days. Rocky said she’d lost two days. She didn’t remember it.

Fuck.

“And, what? You call Doc?” Layne’s eyes cut to Doc. “They call you?”

“Nope,” Doc answered, his eyes were sharp and he was pissed, Layne could tell. “Didn’t get a call. Offered it, when she was fourteen and I knew this would play with her mind. But I didn’t get a call Tanner, not at fourteen, or fifteen, or –”

“We could handle it in the family,” Dave snapped.

“Right, see you did a fine job with that, Dave,” Doc snapped back.

“This is none of your concern,” Dave shot back.

“Was my concern when you brought her in with appendicitis. Was my concern when she had a chest infection. Was my concern when she dislocated her shoulder. The mind is a part of the body, Dave, and I’ve been her doctor for over three decades. It’s my goldarned concern!” Doc returned.

Jesus, the old guy remembered all that? Fucking hell.

“We were handling it in the family,” Dave repeated.

“And I wasn’t family?” Layne asked and Dave’s eyes shot to him.

“What?”

“Eighteen years ago, when she turned then, I wasn’t family?”

Dave closed his eyes slowly.

“Answer me, Dave, wasn’t I family?”

Dave’s eyes opened. “Tanner –”

Layne leaned forward and roared, “Wasn’t I family?”

“She made us promise, Tanner,” Merry whispered and Layne swung around to face him. “You saw her, you saw the way she could be. Wouldn’t you promise anything, anything, to stop her from being like that?”

“No,” Layne shook his head. “No, I would not. What I’d do, no matter what she said, how she acted, what she threatened, was understand she needed some serious fucking help and get it for her.”

“Even if that meant losing her?” Merry shot back.

“Yes, brother, even if that meant losing her because even if I had to sleep at night without her, I’d know she wasn’t tortured by her mother’s dying screams. So, yes. Absolutely.”

A muscle ticked in Merry’s jaw, he turned his head and looked away.

“Losing Cecilia happened to all of us, Tanner,” Dave noted and Layne looked at him.

“I’ve no idea, pray to God I never do. You all had it tough but you didn’t listen to her die, Dave, your daughter did. You didn’t have the tools to deal with Rocky and you should have found someone who had those tools. You should have talked to Doc. You should have taken care of her.”

“I did,” Dave returned.

“No, Dave, you didn’t. You didn’t then, you didn’t seven years later when she cut me out of her life and you knew, you and Merry, you both knew and don’t bother denying it, you knew I was the only one who could heal those wounds and you let her cut me out. And you aren’t now because you’re standing there, in total denial and not admitting how huge a fuck up you perpetrated.”

“I lost my wife!” Dave shouted.

“I’m sorry about that, Dave,” Layne whispered. “But you didn’t lose your life so that means it was your responsibility to get your head outta your fuckin’ ass and take care of your daughter.”

“Dad,” Tripp called softly, “you’re bein’ too hard on Uncle Dave.”

Layne turned to his son. “That’s not my job, Tripp, lookin’ out for Dave. That’s my woman up there.” He jerked his finger to the ceiling. “It’s my job to look after her.” He turned back to Dave and swept through Merry with his glance. “It goes without sayin’ you shoulda let me in on this shit eighteen years ago but that’s done. Then you had a second shot, both of you, I asked, I fuckin’ begged, and you still kept this shit to yourself.”

“This was coming back up for all of us, Tanner,” Dave defended himself. “Knowing why she left you, knowing it might surface again, not only for her, but for all of us. This wasn’t exactly easy.”

“You have turns like that?” Layne asked.

“No, but I feel Fisher in my bones every time it rains,” Dave returned.

“So, you think, maybe all of you might need some help to sort your shit out?” Layne suggested derisively. “So you could deal with that pain in your bones, Merry could get his head sorted after leavin’ the only woman he’s ever loved and Roc wouldn’t have to endure another turn?”

“Dad and I talked and we thought, she had another episode, this time, we would have your back,” Merry said and Layne’s eyes locked on him.

“Well, you didn’t, you weren’t here. My boys and my mother had my back.”

Merry stared at him a beat before he nodded.

Layne kept talking. “Rocky, she loves you, she’ll always love you. Me, I’m feelin’ a fuckuva lot different. She’s in my house and she’s under my watch now. I want you two gone. I know you’ll be back and I know I’ll have to deal but, right now, I want you two gone.”

Dave puffed out his chest. “I want to see my daughter.”

“You’ll have to call her tomorrow,” Layne replied.

“I want to see her now.”

“She’s sleepin’ in my bed now, Dave, so, like I said, you’re gonna have to wait until tomorrow.”

“She’s my daughter, Tanner,” Dave hissed.

“Dad, let’s go,” Merry whispered.

“No, I’m not –” Dave started.

“Dad… let’s… go,” Merry clipped.

“He can’t tell me when I can see my daughter,” Dave shot back.

“Yeah, Dad, he can,” Merry returned.

“He can’t.”

“Would you let someone see Mom, you’re pissed as hell at them?” Merry retorted and Dave’s torso jerked back. “Yeah, that’s what this is. You know what this is. We’re Merricks for fuck’s sake. You’re like that. I’m like that. Mom was like that. Rocky’s like that and, you know, Rocky’s gonna find a man like that. So, Tanner’s pissed and we need to go.”

Dave glared at his son. Then he turned his glare on Doc. Then he turned his glare on Layne. Then he turned on his foot and stalked to the front door.

Merry’s eyes went to Layne. “We’ll work this out, brother.”

“I wouldn’t hold your breath ‘til that happens, Garrett.”

Merry studied him then shook his head, a small, sad grin on his face.

Then he said, “You’re pissed now but you love her. We’ll work this out.”

Merry was right but Layne sure as fuck wasn’t going to give that to him. So he stayed silent and watched Merry walk out.

“I’ll go to the office,” Doc announced after the door closed behind Merry. “Get some names. Good counselors. I’ll call you with numbers. She needs to find one she trusts and start right away.”

Layne nodded.

“I didn’t give her much, she won’t be out long,” Doc went on. “I’ll leave some sleeping pills. She has trouble sleeping, you need to make her take them. If she wakes and she’s still not well, exhibiting disorientation, any of the symptoms you saw, even amnesia, not remembering what happened today, I need to know.”

“Right,” Layne grunted.

Doc rounded the island and got close to Layne. “You need to make yourself safe harbor, Tanner. She needs to know she can lay this weight on you. It’s heavy, son, you want her better, you learn to brace.”

“She’s safe now, Doc,” Layne muttered and Doc’s eyes searched his face.

Then he nodded and murmured, “I reckon so.”

Doc’s eyes swept the room, he nodded again then he turned to go but he stopped by the stairs and turned back. His eyes locked on Layne and he spoke.

“Later, not now, later, you think about Rocky, how you feel about her, then how you’d feel learning that she was tortured then shot twice in the chest and once in the face.” Layne’s middle jerked back at Doc’s words but he didn’t break eye contact. “It happened to you, you might deal with it different. You might make better choices. But that man did what he could carrying the burden that he brought that on his wife and left his daughter with demons. A burden he’s still carrying, Tanner. You’re right to be angry but no good man can understand the burden Dave Merrick carries and hold a grudge.”

With that successful parting shot, Doc turned away and disappeared.

Layne stood frozen for long moments after he left and only moved when he felt Tripp fit his body against Layne’s side, his arms going around his Dad’s waist, his cheek to Layne’s shoulder and his boy hugged him.

Layne’s arm went around Tripp’s shoulders and he gave him a squeeze.

Tripp stepped back from Layne and looked in his old man’s eyes. “Can I go up and sit with Gram and Rocky?” he asked quietly.

God, Tripp was a good kid.

Layne lifted a hand, curled it around Tripp’s neck and squeezed. “You okay after you saw that, Pal?”

“Yeah, I’m just worried Roc’s not okay.”

“She’ll be okay,” Layne assured his son on another squeeze and a short tug.

“You think you can fix her?” Tripp asked.

“I know it,” Layne answered.

Tripp smiled, it was wonky and halfhearted but he did it.

“Good thing is, I didn’t have to tackle her,” Tripp noted.

“Yeah, that’s good,” Layne replied.

“But I stole her keys out of her purse. They’re in between Blondie’s forty-first and forty-second food bowls,” Tripp informed him and Layne returned his smile, figuring his was halfhearted too but at least it was a smile.

“Thanks, Pal” Layne said on another squeeze.

“I’m gonna go up,” Tripp whispered, Layne nodded and let him go.

Tripp gave him a long, last look, turned and ran up the stairs.

Layne felt cold on his arm and turned to see Jasper was holding a beer there.

“Think he needs whisky, boy,” Devin grunted.

Layne took the beer from Jas, slapped him on the shoulder and said to Dev, “Not sure whisky’s a good idea right now. Or, not as much as I want of it.”

“Right,” Devin was in the liquor cupboard, “you need your faculties about you. I, on the other hand, can get as drunk as I want.”

Layne moved to the island and felt Jasper crowding him, like he did Tripp and Seth when Cosgrove abused them and he turned to look at his son.

“I’m good, Bud,” he murmured.

“Okay, Dad,” Jas murmured back but he didn’t move away so Layne flung his arm around his boy’s shoulders and pulled him, hard, into his side.

Jasper slid his arm around Layne’s waist and held on.

Devin opened the bottle of whisky and turned to Layne.

“What’d I say?” Devin asked.

“About what?” Layne asked back.

Devin looked at him. Then he said, “Kaboom!” Then he put the whisky bottle to his lips, tipped his head far back and took a huge shot straight from the bottle.

Jasper turned his head and Layne did the same, they caught each other’s eye and Jasper shook his head.

Layne looked back to Devin who was now staring at them, still holding the bottle by its neck.

“Also told you she’s worth the effort.”

“Already knew that, old man.”

“Yeah, well, know you know it more.” His eyes slid to Jas. “Seen a lot of things, done a lot of things, wounds to the flesh hurt but they heal fast. Wounds to the soul never go away. It’s how we cope with a pain that never dies that makes us the people we are. Daily, people demonstrate acts of courage just so they can get through to the night. That woman upstairs smiles and laughs and cooks and teaches and no one knew the pain she carried in her soul. In other words, there are warriors and then there are warriors. In your Dad’s bed lies a warrior. Learn from her, boy.”

“Right,” Jasper whispered.

“Your Dad’s gone, I’m gone, you or your brother have her back,” Devin ordered.

“Right,” Jasper repeated on another whisper.

“Until she’s freed, she can turn at any time. One of us needs to catch her should she fall,” Devin went on.

“Right,” Jasper whispered again.

“Brief your brother,” Devin demanded.

“Right,” Jasper whispered yet again.

“Now,” Devin announced, “I’m havin’ a stoagie and gettin’ drunk.” His eyes hit Layne. “And that dog’s been quarantined outside throughout this situation and I’m not lettin’ her in yet so, goes without sayin’, me outside with whisky and a stoagie and your fuckin’ dog, tells you what you mean to me, boy.”

Then he strode to the door, opened it, Blondie attacked him on his first step on the cement patio and he closed the door.

Layne squeezed Jasper’s shoulder and stepped away.

“You good?” Layne asked.

“I’m good,” Jasper answered.

“Ignore Dev, he can be dramatic.”

“Seems pretty smart to me.”

Layne looked into Jasper’s eyes.

Then he asked, “Sure you’re good?”

“Yeah, Dad.”

“I was shot, awhile ago, Bud and –”

“I’m good, Dad.”

“We haven’t talked about that, I wanted to give you boys time.”

“You don’t need to give us time.”

“Jas –”

“Dad, we know what you do for a living and we know why. It’s jacked up, what happened to Roc’s Mom because she was a Mom, not someone like you. It sucked, you gettin’ shot, and I can’t say that Tripp and me weren’t scared, we were. But you’re here, we’re tight so it’s all good.”

“You ever wanna talk,” Layne said quietly.

Jasper grinned at him. “Yeah, but, I need to talk, I’ll pick a time when Rocky’s not sedated in your bedroom.”

Layne grinned back. “Good call,” he muttered then lifted the bottle in his hand. “You wanna beer?”

Jasper’s brows shot up. “Seriously?”

“Fuck no,” Layne replied.

Jasper chuckled.

Layne moved into his son, wrapped an arm around him and pulled him close, let him go, turned and walked up the stairs to Rocky.

Layne knew she was awake ten minutes before she stirred and lifted her head from his chest.

Her neck twisted and her eyes hit his.

“Faker,” he whispered.

She blinked slowly.

Then she whispered back, “What?”

“Sweetcheeks, you’ve been fakin’ sleep for ten minutes.”

“Oh.” She was still whispering and now pushing away.

So Layne’s arm, already around her, tightened and he pulled her up his chest.

She put slight pressure on him, not too much but avoided his eyes.

“Baby, look at me,” Layne ordered gently and her eyes came to his. “How you feelin’?”

“Weird,” she answered.

“You remember?”

She pressed her lips together. Then she nodded.

“All of it?”

“What day is today?” she asked.

“Saturday,” he answered.

“Then yes. All of it.”

“How many days you lose to this shit?”

“Well, I’ve been lying there thinking about it and I’m guessing… two.”

“That’s my guess too,” Layne told her. “So it never happened before?”

“Not that I know of.”

“But you might not remember?”

“I’m thinking… no.”

“Doc gave me some names and numbers of people you can call. We’ll see it never happens again.”

She stopped pressing against him and her weight hit his side.

Then she whispered, “Tripp and Jas saw –”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“I think –”

“Rocky, honey, you know they’re good kids. This is life. I can’t shield them from life forever. They’ve gotta learn how to deal. What happened was real. It needed to happen. You needed to get that shit out. You did it surrounded by people who care a lot about you. When that shit happens, that’s the best place to be.”

“It’s embarrassing,” she whispered.

“Baby,” he whispered back, pulling her closer and wrapping his other arm around her. “Your mother died while you listened. That marked you. There is nothing embarrassing about that. You loved her, you lost her and it marked you. It’s not embarrassing because there’s beauty in that.”

“Beauty?” she breathed.

“You loved her.”

Her eyes grew bright with tears and she nodded.

“That’s beautiful.”

She dropped her head, planted her face in his chest and his hand came up and slid over her hair.

“You go to her grave,” Layne whispered.

“I miss her,” Rocky whispered back.

“She was a good Mom,” Layne stated.

“The best.” She lifted her head and looked at him. “You would have liked her. She was funny.”

“I remember her. You look like her.”

She nodded. Then she sucked in breath.

“It was talking about having babies,” she whispered. “After you said that, I started to get these thoughts.”

Layne’s arms gave her a squeeze. “I’m sorry, honey.”

She shook her head. “Don’t be. You can’t guard against everything you say.”

“No.”

“Then it was the table.” She shook her head again. “Mom always made us eat at the table. Every night. I have trouble eating at a table.” Her eyes were intense on his. “It’s been hard, since she’s been gone, to sit at a table with family around. When we were together, I used to look at you, something about looking at you made me settle.”

Layne closed his eyes then opened them and wrapped his hand around her neck.

“I remember,” he told her.

“It made me feel safe.”

“Yeah?”

“I knew, you were around, you’d never let anything hurt me.”

“Baby.” His voice was hoarse and his arm at her back and hand at her neck gave her a tight squeeze.

“I’m scared a lot, Layne,” she admitted quietly. “So often, I got used to it. It lives with me. It’s in my skin.”

“It gets to you, if it’s dark.”

She nodded. “You help me beat it back.”

“Rocky –”

“Then and now.”

“Baby –”

“I don’t want to be scared anymore, Layne.”

His fingers slid into her hair and he pulled her face to his, touching his mouth to hers, then he let her move back an inch.

“We’ll see to that, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

His thumb swept her cheek but his eyes didn’t leave hers and then she dropped her head and rested her cheek to his chest, her arm wrapping around him.

“I ruined our dinner plans,” she whispered to his chest.

“We’ll do it next weekend.”

“The boys won’t be here,” she reminded him.

“Jasper’s got a car, they can be wherever they wanna be. They’ll wanna be here.”

“Gabrielle won’t like that.”

“Do I give a fuck?”

A startled giggle escaped her then she held on tighter.

Then she muttered, “I’m hungry.”

“What you want, baby?”

She lifted her head. “Shanghai Salon?”

His brows went up. “Sesame chicken?”

Her mouth got soft and her lids lowered. “You remembered.”

“How many times do I have to tell you, sweetcheeks? I remember everything.”

“Thank you, Layne.”

“For what?”

“For loving me like you do.”

His arms tightened around her and they did it automatically.

“Christ, Roc,” he muttered.

“Mom would have liked you too.”

“Baby, stop it.”

“Because you love me like you do.”

“Rocky –”

“And ‘cause you’re hot.”

He gave a startled bark of laughter and stared at her.

“Because I’m hot?”

“She used to point out all the cute boys to me. Say things like, ‘Rocky, look at him. He’s the perfect height for you.’ and ‘Rocky, he’s cute, but he’s blond. Blond boys can be cute but they’ll always be cute. Cute dark boys will turn gorgeous.’ Stuff like that.”

He’d never heard her talk about her mother that way. Never. He liked it.

“You’re dark,” she went on.

“Yeah, sweetcheeks, seen myself in the mirror.”

She smiled at him. “And you’re hot. Mom had a good eye for cute guys. Ergo, she’d like you.”

“Ergo?” he teased.

“Shut up,” she whispered.

He grinned at her. Then his arms tightened in preparation.

Then he shouted, “Tripp!”

Rocky went still in his arms.

The door opened almost instantaneously and Tripp was there which meant his boy was doing sentry duty close. When he arrived, Rocky’s body jerked.

“Yeah Dad?” he asked then his eyes slid to Rocky. “Hey Roc,” he said casually.

“Uh… hey Tripp.”

“You’re awake, cool, can we eat?” Tripp asked.

“Shanghai Salon. Roc wants sesame chicken. I want Kung Pao shrimp. Get your brother, Gram and Devin’s orders. Call it in. Delivery,” Layne ordered.

“Cool!” Tripp shouted then his torso twisted and he yelled, “Jas! We’re havin’ Chinese.”

“Awesome!” They heard Jasper’s voice shout from far away.

“Chinese!” Vera shouted, also from far away. “I’ll make tuna casserole.”

“No way, Gram, we want Chinese!” Tripp yelled, turning from the door, he left it ajar and jogged away.

“I want lemon chicken, Tripp-o-matic,” Jasper shouted.

Rocky settled into him, cheek back to his chest, arm tight around him.

“Okay, well, it appears they’re not traumatized by my drama.”

“No, sweetcheeks, but expect a lot of attention for awhile. Tripp will likely talk your ear off and Jasper will stick to you like glue.”

Her head came up. “Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

“Why?”

“Because they care, because they want to know you’re all right and because that’s their way of making that so.”

She lifted a hand to rest on his neck. “It’s scary how much they’re like you.”

“I talk your ear off?”

“No, you want to make sure I’m all right and find a way to make it so.”

Layne smiled at her.

Rocky kept talking. “Though, I have to ask, where did Tripp get his blond hair?”

“Fuck knows.”

Her eyes unfocused and she said softly, “If he didn’t have your exact body and your intensity, I would swear Gabrielle stepped out on you.”

Layne started laughing, Roc’s eyes focused on him then her face flushed. “I don’t mean to intimate –”

“Baby,” Layne said through his chuckles, “Tripp’s my son and even if he wasn’t by blood, he’s still my son. That’s all there is to it.”

“He’s your son, Layne, I know it.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“Dad!” Tripp yelled from downstairs. “I need your wallet!”

“Mine’s in my purse on the counter, Tripp!” Rocky shouted back.

“You get Rocky’s wallet, Tripp, you’re grounded for a month. Come up here and get mine.” Layne shouted after Rocky.

Her eyes shot to him. “I can pay for dinner, Layne.”

“I know you can, you just aren’t.”

“Layne.”

“Rocky.”

“Layne.”

“Roc.”

Their stare down was interrupted by Tripp coming to get his wallet and Layne handing it over intensified Rocky’s glare when his eyes returned to hers.

“Close the door, Pal,” Layne called, his eyes locked to Rocky.

“Right,” Tripp muttered and Layne heard the door catch.

Then Layne chose option two to end a stare down. He rolled her to her back and kissed her and when he was done, he shoved his face in her neck.

“Love you, baby,” he whispered against her skin as his hands slid up her sides.

“Love you too, Layne,” she whispered back and her arms got tight around him.

Then Layne’s arms wrapped around her, his face still in her neck, he rolled them to their sides and he expelled a breath, a breath it felt like he’d been holding for decades.

And, Rocky in his bed, in his arms, her arms tight around him, it felt good to let that breath, finally, go.