11 Reunion

THE kitchen at Byron Street was exactly as I remembered it; large and airy with views of the frothy ocean on every side. I was standing in the middle of it with all my senses functioning and yet I knew I was only a spectator watching from the sidelines. I could move freely in the space and yet I wasn’t part of it. It was like watching the opening of a movie from inside the screen. It was early morning. I could hear birdsong as well as the whistling of the kettle on the bench top. The French doors were open and someone was mowing the grass at Dolly Henderson’s place next door. There was a tiered cake plate with iced cupcakes that I remembered Ivy baking some days before I’d disappeared. They hadn’t been touched and looked stale now. A vase of wilting cornflowers also sat on the bench, a reminder of the cheerful place the kitchen had been just a few days earlier.

In the next second the scene burst into life. Xavier was sitting at the kitchen table with his head in his hands, just a few meters from me. His posture drew my attention because I’d never seen him slumped over like this before. He was wearing a familiar fitted gray T-shirt and sweatpants, but the stubble on his face suggested he hadn’t made it to bed that night.

I willed myself to move closer to him and was excited to find I could do it without too much effort. The proximity was dizzying. I wanted so badly to reach out and touch him, but I couldn’t. My ghostly self had no substance and my hand passed straight through him. Xavier looked different. I couldn’t see his face properly, but his shoulders and the muscles in his forearms were tense. I could feel the sense of grief hanging in the room.

The scent of freesia wafted past me, a fragrance I knew only too well. My sister appeared in the doorway and looked at Xavier with concern. Ivy appeared as angelic and composed as ever, but the uncharacteristic crease in her brow betrayed her. I could see she was overcome with worry.

“Can I get you anything?” she asked Xavier gently.

“No, thanks,” he replied. He sounded distracted, as if his mind were far away, and he barely raised his head.

“Gabriel’s gone back to visit the Knox place,” Ivy continued. “He thinks he might pick up some clues.”

Xavier was too lost in his own brooding thoughts to reply. Ivy came to stand beside him. Reading his mood, she placed a tentative hand on his arm. He jerked at her touch, not allowing himself to be comforted.

“We mustn’t lose heart. We’ll find her.”

Xavier raised his head to look at her. His face was paler than I’d ever seen it and there were circles under his bright blue eyes. His lips were pressed into a hard line. He looked forlorn, consumed by his grief. I wanted to reach out and take his face in my hands, to tell him that I was okay — trapped, lonely and miserable but otherwise unharmed. I might not be in his arms where we both wanted me to be, but I was coping. I was surviving.

“How?” he said after a long interval. He struggled to keep his voice even. “We have no idea where he’s taken her … or what he’s doing to her.” That last thought proved too much and his voice cracked.

I felt a cold lump of dread rise in my throat. If they had no idea where I was, what hope did they have of ever finding me? Neither Gabriel nor Ivy had actually witnessed my disappearance so all they had to go on was Xavier’s sketchy report of what he’d seen before Jake had run him down. As far as they knew I might be held hostage in some remote corner of the globe.

“Gabriel’s working on it,” Ivy said, trying to sound confident. “He’s good at figuring things out.”

“Shouldn’t we be there with him?” Xavier said helplessly.

“He knows what to do, what signs to look for.” There was an awkward lull in their conversation when all that could be heard was the ticking of the hall clock.

“It’s my fault,” Xavier said finally. Saying the words out loud seemed to offer him some relief. “I should have been able to protect her.” His eyelashes looked wet with tears, but he brushed them away before Ivy could see them.

“No human stands a chance against that sort of power,” said my sister. “You can’t blame yourself, Xavier. There’s nothing you could have done.” Xavier shook his head adamantly.

“Yes, there is,” he said through gritted teeth. “I could have stayed with her. If I hadn’t been fooling around down at the lake, none of this would have happened.” He curled his hands into tight fists and swallowed hard. “Don’t you see? I promised I’d look after her and I let her down.”

“You didn’t know. How could you know? But you can help Beth now by not falling apart. Be strong for her sake.”

Xavier squeezed his eyes shut and nodded.

“Gabe’s back,” said Ivy, way before the key even turned in the lock. Xavier rose from his chair and seemed to falter forward. Minutes later Gabriel appeared in the kitchen. Even though he was my brother and I knew him as well as anyone could, his radiance still made me gasp. His perfect, marblesculpted features were severe. His silver eyes were solemn and his face grave.

“Any luck?” asked Ivy.

“I think I found something,” Gabriel said hesitantly. “It may be a portal. I could smell sulfur on the highway near the Knox house.”

“Oh, no.” Ivy moaned and sank into the nearest chair.

“Why is that important? A portal? What’s a portal? A portal to where?” Xavier asked his questions in rapid succession, but Gabriel answered in a measured voice.

“There are openings in this world,” he said, “that lead directly into other realms. We call them portals. They can appear randomly or they can be conjured by someone powerful enough.”

“What kind of realms? Where’s Beth?” There was a rising panic in his voice. I’m right here, I wanted to call out but my voice failed me.

“The asphalt on the highway was burned,” Gabriel observed, sidestepping the question. “And everything around it scorched. There is only one place that can leave behind marks like that.”

Xavier took a breath as if to steady himself. I could see the moment when the truth behind Gabriel’s words dawned on him.

“That can’t be true,” he said weakly, his rational mind still struggling to comprehend.

“It’s true, Xavier.” Even Gabriel had to turn his face away in order not to witness the effect he knew his words would have. “Jake has dragged Bethany into Hell.”

Xavier looked as if his worst nightmare had been realized. The news hit him like a slap in the face. His jaw dropped and his eyes stared fixedly at my brother, as if he were waiting for him to burst out laughing and reveal the whole thing was a bad joke. He stayed that way for several long minutes, as though he had turned to stone. Then suddenly his whole body seemed to shudder with anguish. My ghostly self, as insubstantial as vapor, grieved alongside him. We made a sad and sorry pair — the human boy and the apparition he could not see but who loved him more than anything in the world.

Everyone it seemed was behaving out of character in my absence. Gabriel did something then I’d never seen from him before. He crossed the room and knelt down before Xavier, his hand resting lightly on his arm. It was a sight to behold — an archangel kneeling before a human in an expression of humility.

“I’m not going to lie to you,” Gabriel said, looking him directly in the eye. “I’m not sure how to help Bethany now.” These were the words I most dreaded hearing. Gabriel never glossed over the harsh truth. It wasn’t in his nature. What he was doing now was preparing both himself and Xavier for the worst.

“What are you talking about?” Xavier cried. “We have to do something! Beth didn’t choose this. She was kidnapped, remember? That’s actually a criminal offense in my world. Are you saying it’s okay in yours?”

Gabriel sighed and replied as patiently as he could. “There are laws that govern Heaven and Hell that have existed since the beginning of time.”

“What is that even supposed to mean?”

“I think what Gabe is trying to say is that we don’t make the rules. We have to wait for instructions,” Ivy said.

“Wait?” echoed Xavier, growing more frustrated at their lack of resolve. “You can wait till doomsday if you like, but I don’t plan to just sit around.”

“We don’t have a choice,” said Gabriel sternly. They could not have been more different, angel and mortal, polarized by their opposing views of the universe. Gabriel, I could see, was losing patience. Xavier’s incessant questions were draining him. He longed for solitude in order to commune with the powers above. Xavier on the other hand was not going to feel better until he was offered a plan of action. He was applying the rules of logic that state for every problem a solution can be found. Ivy, who was much more aware of Xavier’s emotional state than Gabriel, gave my brother a look that suggested he should tread carefully.

“Rest assured, if there’s a way, we will find it,” she said more encouragingly.

“It won’t be easy,” Gabriel qualified.

“But not impossible, right?” I could sense that Xavier was clutching desperately to any hope, however slim.

“No, not impossible,” my sister said with a small smile.

“I want to help,” said Xavier.

“And you can, but right now we need to consider our next move very carefully.”

“Rushing in without thinking could make things worse for Bethany,” Gabriel warned.

“How could it get any worse?” Xavier demanded.

The more I listened to their deliberations the more frustrated I became. I wanted to be part of their discussions and I wanted to help them. It was strange being talked about in the third person when I was right there in the room. If only I could share with them what I knew, it might help them devise a more effective plan. Being both present and utterly useless grew so maddening that I thought I’d explode. There must be some way to make my presence known to them. How could they not sense my proximity? Those I loved most were a hand’s breadth away and yet totally inaccessible.

“We can’t act independently of instruction,” Ivy tried to placate.

“And how long is that gonna take?’

“The Covenant is aware of the crisis. They will contact us when they see fit.” Gabriel refused to disclose more.

“What do we do till then?”

“I suggest we pray.”

Suddenly I was worried. It was obvious they couldn’t act without first seeking counsel. It was not only standard practice but also the wisest thing to do. I could see that. But what would the Covenant advise? Gabriel had sounded so confident moments ago, but even he did not have the power to contravene their decisions. What if in their infinite wisdom they decided to cut their losses? After all, I hadn’t been much of an asset when I was aboveground. I was forever stirring up trouble and creating conflicts for them to solve rather than following instructions. Obedience was not my strong point and while rebellion was expected in a human, in an angel it was inexcusable. Would this trait that had set me apart from my own kind now spell the end of my value in Heaven?

Even if the Covenant was feeling charitable and deemed me worthy of rescue, breaking into Hell would be the greatest challenge my siblings had ever had to face. It was quite likely they themselves might perish in the attempt. Was that risk worth taking? I didn’t want to jeopardize their safety, but at the same time my longing to be reunited with them was enormous. As for Xavier, I couldn’t bear the thought of any harm coming to him on my account. I’d rather endure the torments of the pit before I’d allow that to happen. I looked at his smooth, tanned arms resting on the tabletop, the familiar cord of soft plaited leather twined around his wrist, and the silver ring I’d given him shining on his index finger. I strained toward him, my fingers seeking his.

“Xavier!” I cried. “Xavier, I’m here!”

To my surprise I heard a faint echo of my own words in the room. Gabriel, Ivy, and Xavier all snapped their heads in my direction like satellites seeking radio signals. An expression of disbelief crossed Xavier’s face, as if his sanity had just been cast into doubt.

“Am I losing it or did you guys hear that too?”

My brother and sister looked at each other, uncertainty on their faces.

“We heard it,” said Gabriel, his mind already whirring as he contemplated possible explanations for what’d just happened. I hoped he didn’t assume it was a demon playing tricks on them.

Ivy closed her eyes and I felt her energy in the room, searching for me. But when she reached the place where I hovered, she passed right through me and I realized that any connection I’d made had lasted only seconds and then shattered.

“There’s nothing here,” my sister said, but I could see she was unsettled.

Xavier was unconvinced. “No, I heard her voice … she was here.”

“Perhaps Bethany is closer than we realize,” said Gabriel.

Xavier’s eyes darted around the room, searching the air. I focused hard and tried desperately to transmit my thoughts to him. Instead the opposite happened and my presence in the room became diluted. I felt my consciousnesses pulling away from the familiar kitchen at Byron. I fought hard against leaving and even tried wrapping myself around the back of a chair, but the room only dissolved around me.

Everything went black, and when the blackness cleared, I saw my body lying by the Lake of Dreams, just as I’d left it. Tucker was there, shaking me by the shoulders.

“Come back, Beth. It’s time to come back.” I returned to my body with a jolt. All of Byron’s warmth was gone, replaced with the cold and damp of the canal.

“Why did you do that?” I protested loudly. “I wanted more time.”

“We can’t be missing any longer. It’s too risky. But don’t worry, the magic will stay with you now.”

“Are you saying I can project anytime I want to?”

“Yep,” Tucker said proudly. “Once a person drinks from the Lake of Dreams, it flows inside you. It shares its power. You can only reverse it by drinking from the river Lethe.”

“That really exists?” I asked curiously.

“Sure does,” Tucker said. “It literally means ‘oblivion.’ Some people call it the River of Forgetfulness. It makes you forget who you are.”

“That sounds awful. Is it cursed?”

“Not necessarily,” Tucker said. “Some people have done things in their lives they don’t want to remember. When you drink from the river Lethe, all your bad memories sink to the bottom.”

I peered at him closely. “You sound pretty sure of yourself. Do you know someone who’s done it?”

“Yeah.” Tucker looked at his shoes. “That’d be me.”

“What were you trying to escape?” I asked without thinking and Tucker laughed.

“Not much point asking me that now, is there?”

“I guess not,” I said, taking his arm. “I’m glad the river made things easier for you.”

Tucker squeezed my hand, but he didn’t look convinced.

We made our way back to the hotel at twice the speed at which we’d set out, fearful of being discovered. All I could think about was Xavier’s hands, not tense as I’d just seen them but stroking my face the way he used to when we felt that all the darkness in the world could not dampen our happiness.

How naïve we were to think as we did then. I knew now how lethal darkness could be. It would take every ounce of courage we possessed to fight it. Even then I didn’t like our chances.

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