If only

Chapter Fifteen

For an hour or so, Galen watched Sally as she slept, tucked in her favorite position between him and Vance. Vance had dropped off a while back, but Galen couldn’t. Not after what she’d said.

Surely the imp had been only half-conscious to have blurted that out. And she probably didn’t mean it. It was the aftereffect of being so close, of having such an intense scene.

And yet, the warmth he’d felt—still felt—from her words was disconcerting. Impossible. He didn’t want to love a woman. Would prefer not to love anyone, for that matter. People were far too fragile.

Even men could die.

Hell, he’d always worried about any partner being hurt during any action. But now… With a pained sigh, he glanced at the man sleeping on the other side of Sally. My brother.

It was twice as hard to have two people for which to fear.

Needing to think of something else, he ran his hand over Sally’s soft stomach. The rich fragrance of her lotion mingled with the scent of sex. Her lips were swollen from being kissed. Her nipples had softened but remained a dark red. He ran his finger around one, enjoying how the tender white skin of her breasts contrasted with the velvet smoothness.

And, hell, he’d woken her up. Heavy-lidded with sleep, she was just watching him, too limp to move.

He had to smile with that satisfaction, although she’d worried him when she talked about the ties between them…because he could feel them too.

The fisting might have been a mistake. The little imp had sucked him and Vance in from the moment they saw her, and with each revealed facet of her personality, she drew them in further.

And thinking of revealing things… Something had been bothering her, making her feel guilty. Now, he didn’t think painting faces on anal plugs was a serious crime…if he didn’t notice the resemblance to Disney dwarfs. Christ, that is just wrong.

Was that what was bothering her? Might be something else. But no matter what she’d done, a little subbie shouldn’t keep secrets from her Doms.

He eyed her. She’d blurted out that she loved him. What else might she spill?

Lowering his voice, increasing the command, he said, “Now, pet, tell me what you’ve been hiding.”

Waking with a yawn, Vance gave him an amused glance. The bastard had laughed his ass off at seeing the plugs. “Yeah, what did you do, sweetheart?”

What would be a deserving punishment for the serious crime of defacing anal plugs? Or had she done something else? Couldn’t be too—

“Hacked into the Harvest e-mails…Association.”

Every muscle in Galen’s body petrified such that he couldn’t even draw in a breath. She did not say that. She did not. “You—”

Vance interrupted, asking quietly, “You’ve been reading the Harvest Association e-mails?”

“Mmm.” The sleepy murmur was an assent.

God fucking dammit, he wasn’t going to—

Vance closed his hand on Galen’s shoulder in a bone-bruising grip. “Sweetheart, what do you do with the information?”

“Send it to New York. Need to tell my Feds.” A crease appeared between her brows, grew into a frown, before her beautiful soft brown eyes opened.

His wife’s brown eyes had been lifeless, had unblinkingly stared at him in reproach from her broken body. Had shown terror and agony that even death couldn’t erase.

He hadn’t saved her. He’d caused her death.

And now this little imp was… He rolled to his knees. The fury expanding through him mixed with an icy fear that sliced apart every control he had. “You did what?”

At her gasp, he realized he’d shouted the question. Fucking right. “You hacked into the deadliest—” Kneeling on the bed, he gave her shoulders a shake.

Vance shoved him back. “Jesus, Galen, get ahold of yourself.”

Sally struggled to sit upright, her back against the headboard. Her face paled—but hadn’t reached the gray-white it would if she were fucking dead.

Galen glanced at Vance. “Did you hear what she said? Do you believe—” His throat closed up, and he choked on the words.

“I didn’t…” Sally’s eyes were wide. “I was careful.”

“Careful!” He saw her flinch, couldn’t stop. “You have no—”

Vance had rounded the bed and now dragged him back even as he said, “Sally, the Harvest Association isn’t”—Vance’s voice was gravel-rough and shaken—“isn’t safe. You could be—”

Raped. Enslaved. Eviscerated. Burned alive. Galen yanked his arm out of Vance’s grip and leaned over her. “By God, you are not—”

She shoved him away and scrambled out of the bed.

Galen shouldered Vance away and stalked after her.

Shaking visibly, Sally was yanking on her clothes.

Fuck, what was he doing? This wasn’t the way to handle this. He forced himself to not loom over her, tried like hell to get his voice to even out. “We need to talk—”

“No.” She had her face turned from him. “We don’t.”

“Not right now,” Vance agreed, skirting Galen to put his arm around her. “Later we’ll sit down and—”

“Only if you actually listen to me.” She pushed Vance away.

“Listen to you!” Galen stared at her. No one had listened to Ursula. His wife’s mouth had been open. Because she’d died screaming. He grabbed Sally’s arm. “I’m fucking not going—”

“Shut it, Galen,” Vance snapped. “Sally, let’s go inside and talk about this.”

“I’m leaving.” She ripped her arm out of Galen’s grip. Her expression was frozen, posture rigid.

He remembered the soft lushness of her body, how she’d accepted him inside her. She couldn’t die. He wouldn’t let her die. “You’re not leaving. You’re going to sit down and listen to me.”

Thank Christ he’d parked behind her in the drive. She couldn’t get out unless he moved his car.

As if the realization of her trapped car occurred to her, she scowled. “Fuck you, Galen Kouros.” She spun toward the door.

Galen lunged after her.

A cannonball of a fist impacted his jaw, and pain burst like fireworks in his face. He slammed into the wall. Regaining his balance, he shook his head. His vision unblurred barely in time for him to block the next punch. His reflexes took over. Block and punch. He drove his fist into his partner’s gut.

Vance grunted and laid out a set of one-twos to Galen’s torso. “You. Fucking. Idiot.” Left-right. “You. Control. Your. Temper.”

Galen lost it. “She’ll die!” He blocked, spun, and kicked Vance into the wall. “Are you fucking blind? They’ll target her.”

GOD, WHAT HAVE I done? Standing on her bedroom balcony, Sally heard the men yelling in the cabana. And fighting.

They loved each other. Were closer than brothers. Now they were hitting each other.

She’d caused that.

And Galen was so mad. She’d known he’d be upset, but he was far, far past that.

Blinking back tears, she stepped inside. On the bed, Glock sat erect, ears pricked forward. The fighting was affecting him too.

Damn them, she wasn’t going to stay and have Galen yell at her some more. Hear them yell at each other. She’d done that, broken the two apart. Made them hate her.

The trembling inside Sally increased as she shoved her laptop and her clothes in her school backpack. Her hands shook as she secured pillows around the outside with a belt.

If only she could turn back time, keep the words from spilling out. Why had she told them?

But she had. She pulled in a breath and stared down at the backpack. Was she really going to leave? Run away?

She should stay. Talk to them. Maybe if they calmed down…?

The shouting grew even louder.

What had she done? “Stupid, selfish girl. Always thinking of yourself.” Her father’s words oozed into her mind.

She’d hurt them, the two men she loved. Because she was selfish and stupid.

No. No, I’m not, dammit. I was trying to do good. To save people. Why could they risk their lives and be heroes, and she couldn’t?

A sob welled into her throat, choking her. Just go. You’ve done enough damage. She picked up Glock and kissed the pale streak on his soft gray head. “I love you too, you know,” she whispered.

He rubbed his furry cheek on her chin, marking her with his scent. Establishing ownership.

If only her Doms had done the same.

After setting the cat outside her bedroom door, she turned the old-fashioned key, removed it, and jammed a bunch of twisted-up bobby pins into the large keyhole. “Unlock that, you j-jerks.” Beloved asshole jerks.

On the tiny balcony outside her bedroom, she used another belt to dangle her pillow-padded backpack over the side before letting go. Carefully, she crawled over the railing and hung by her arms. I’m a nerd. I’m not supposed to be dropping from balconies.

With a small eep, she let go and fell the last few feet onto the grass below.

After tossing the pillows behind the bushes, she slung her backpack over her shoulder and ran down the drive to the road.

In the darkness, she frowned at her phone. Who lived close? Who wouldn’t tell on her? Jessica or Gabi.

Gabi was closer, but she’d try to counsel her. Get her to talk to the men.

Sally’s lips tightened. She’d had enough yelling to last her a lifetime.

“Jessica, are you busy right now?”

Watching Galen rummage in the freezer, Vance rubbed his aching jaw. Caught a good one. More than one. His ribs would be purple tomorrow.

Galen tossed over a pack of frozen peas. “Need more than one?”

“Probably.” Vance grinned ruefully. “I’d forgotten how much brawling hurts afterward.”

“We’re getting old.” Galen applied a bag of frozen corn to his left cheekbone, which was already swelling. “And I’m an idiot.”

He wasn’t the only one. Vance frowned. Why the hell had he jumped into the altercation like that? He’d made it worse. Hell. “She hit all your triggers.” And done it far too soon after she’d said she loved them. Nothing would have set Galen up so perfectly for a fall.

But Galen had overreacted in a fucking major way. “Bad timing all around, bro.”

He caught the flicker of a dark glance and realized what he’d said. Bro.

One drunken evening, Galen admitted he felt Vance was the brother he’d never had. They’d never spoken of it again.

Well, tough. Tonight Vance wasn’t in the mood to worry about Galen’s hang-ups. “If I can’t beat up on the guy I consider a brother, who can I use as a punching bag?”

Galen froze, then snorted. “I scored the most hits, you asshole.”

“Maybe. But mine were more effective.”

“Point.” Galen touched his jaw gingerly. “You think she’ll feel sorry enough for me to keep from killing me?”

“She has a soft heart.” And considering the way she could ignite… “And a temper. I’d call it fifty-fifty you’ll survive the next hour.”

“Thanks.” Galen pulled in a breath. “I can’t believe I lost it like that. Some fucking Dom I am.”

“Scene was over. Aftercare was done.” Vance studied his partner. No matter the provocation, Galen wouldn’t have reacted like that during a scene—he kept his control too tight. But after? Yeah, his defenses had been way down. “You didn’t react as a Dom but as a lover.”

That got a wince. “Makes it worse.”

“Nah. Lovers are allowed to explode if a little female puts her pretty ass in danger.” Vance’s gut tightened as his own anger surged.

“That in the rule book somewhere?”

“Hell, yeah. If you hadn’t yelled at her, I would have.”

“Best it was only me.” Galen glanced at the liquor cabinet but shook his head. Neither of them resorted to alcohol for liquid courage or solace. “Guess it’s time to beg forgiveness.”

Vance nodded and started to rise.

“No. Give me a minute to bear the brunt of her anger—I deserve it. If needed, you can play good cop.”

“Got it.” Vance held the frozen vegetables to his face as he listened to Galen’s footsteps climbing the stairs.

A knock. “Sally?”

If she answered, her voice was too faint for Vance to hear.

“Sally, please answer the door.”

Silence.

“I’ll give you space if you want, but right now I need to know you’re all right.”

Silence.

“Open the door. Now.”

Nothing happened. Vance frowned. When Galen punched up the power in his voice, all submissives—and quite a few others—responded.

Silence.

With a grunt of pain, Vance rose. Where the hell had they put the extra key to that room?

Not long after, Vance managed to shove out the metal crap she’d pushed into the lock, insert the key, and unlock the door.

Galen walked over to the unrumpled bed. “She hasn’t been in the bed.”

“Shower and tub are dry.” Vance glanced at her desk, worry increasing. “Her laptop is gone.”

Galen limped down the stairs.

Following, Vance held his aching ribs.

The grassy area under her balcony showed she’d jumped. And walked toward the drive. Her old red Toyota was still parked, blocked by Galen’s black sports sedan.

In the cold twilight, Galen’s face looked stark with worry. “Where the hell did she go?”

Early that morning at the airline terminal, Sally slid out of Jessica’s car. Well, this is it. Leaving. Her whole body pulsed with pain. She wrapped her arms around herself, as if the aching could be relieved by physical comfort.

How could she have been so stupid? She should never have told them about her hacking.

Should never have fallen in love.

Jessica pulled the backpack from the trunk and set it on the curb. “I’m going to park the car so I can sit with you.”

“You don’t need to do that. It’s not that long till my flight, and I still have to get through security.” Sally frowned at her watch. Six in the morning? “I… God, Jessica, I dragged you out of bed, didn’t I? You’re going to get in trouble with Master Z. I’m really sorry.” How self-centered she’d been. “I should have called a taxi.”

Jessica scowled. “If you’d done that, I’d have given you a good bitch slap. Shadowkittens hang together against all comers, even Doms.” She hugged Sally with a grin. “I just told Z a friend needed a ride. If the Feds figure it out, well, Z understands loyalty. He won’t spank me too hard.”

Tears rose to Sally’s eyes, and she blinked them back. “Thank you. For the ride. For buying my ticket on your card.”

“Pffft. You gave me a check; not like I’m out any money. But…for the trouble, you can pay me back by calling once you get…wherever you’re going. Or else I’ll worry.”

Sally nodded. “I can do that. For my…for the Feds, if they ask, can you just not tell them anything?”

Jessica crossed her arms over her chest. Braless. Barefoot. She’d obviously run right out of the house to rescue Sally. “Did you tell me where you were going?”

“No. You said not to.”

Jessica smirked. “Exactly. I won’t lie to Z, but I can honestly inform him that you never told me.”

Despite the sick feeling in the pit of her stomach, Sally found a smile. “You’re a sneaky little brat.”

“I am. But your Doms are FBI, girlfriend. They’ll find you.”

“They’re not mine.” Not anymore. “And they won’t try very long.” Not after she’d caused a fight. Ran away from them. “If they figure out you drove me here, can you tell them I said I’m sorry for causing them trouble. That I’m safe and thanks for the fun times.”

“Pretty crappy times if they made you look like this, the assholes.”

“It wasn’t their fault. I did it all.” Sally felt tears rising. “Gotta go.” Blinking hard, she hugged Jessica, grabbed her backpack, and ran into the terminal.

She loved him. Sitting at his desk in the home office, Galen scrubbed his hands over his face. He couldn’t get the memory of her soft expression out of his head. Flushed and beautiful, she’d looked him straight in the eyes and said that. “I love you.”

He hadn’t said it back. But he did.

Didn’t want to. Shouldn’t. But he did.

Law enforcement and relationships weren’t a good mix. Maybe some couples could deal with knowing that one partner could well die young, leaving the other to grieve. Not all—there was a reason the divorce rate for cops and agents was so high.

But most hadn’t experienced the grief and guilt of losing a loved one to criminals seeking revenge. Ursula hadn’t volunteered to be murdered.

How could Galen ever risk putting another woman in such danger?

But did he have the right to step away from someone who loved him? Or to hurt two people besides himself.

Sally loved Vance—and Vance loved her back. Fuck, his partner deserved a sweetie like Sally. Vance had always wanted a wife and children; maybe not this soon, but a person couldn’t dictate when love arrived.

What kind of a bastard would Galen be to let his fucking worries mess up his partner?

He should step away now. Let Sally go…and tell Vance to keep her. Perhaps it would hurt less if he knew they were together.

But Galen would lose them both. Pain stabbed into his chest so sharp and swift that he put his hand over his sternum. Hell. He’d known losing Vance would hurt, but the thought of being without the imp was just as bad.

After another breath, he nodded. He’d do what he had to do.

The door to the office opened, and Vance walked in—and stared. “Fuck, pard, mellow. We’ll find her. She hasn’t used a credit card, so she’s probably still in the city.”

“That’s not the problem.” Galen’s voice came out sounding as weak as if he lived in a nursing home. Christ, pull it together. “After I help you find her, I’ll back out.”

“Back out…how?”

“You and Sally are good together.” Galen forced his mouth into a smile. “You can name the first kid after me.”

Vance’s nostrils flared as he pulled in a breath. “You stubborn asshole.”

“We never talked—”

“Didn’t think we needed to.” Vance crossed his arms over his chest. “But we will now. Lay our fucking cards on the table so I can kick your ass.”

Galen felt the rise of anger like a slow burn. Couldn’t Vance just say thanks and move on? “I don’t want a wife.”

“Bullshit. You don’t want to risk losing someone you care about. Can’t stand feeling guilty. You pussy.” Vance stalked across the room and stared down at him. “Bet if you’d been in a car accident and your wife died, you’d never drive again.”

“You don’t know—”

“Jesus, bro, I lost a partner in a takedown. Been through the if-I’d-only-moved-faster remorse. Had a partner turn into an alcoholic. Been through the if-only-I’d-been-more-supportive remorse. We all feel guilty about shit we could’ve done better. The rest of the world gets past it.”

Galen stood. Considered smashing his fist into that sarcastic mouth.

Vance’s gaze met his. “It’s time to move on, Galen. You’ve hung on your guilt too long.”

Maybe. But the past didn’t just disappear. Neither did worries over someone’s safety. Galen closed his eyes and exhaled. But others made it through to the other side. Time to man up. “Anything else you want to get off your chest,” he asked in a dry voice.

Vance grinned and leaned his hip against the desk. “Long as we’re being all girlie here, yeah.” He crossed his arms again. “We live together. Top together. Co-Dom when there’s a sub in the house. Always figured we’d co-husband together if we found someone.”

Fuck. “You get any more in touch with your feminine side, and you’ll need tampons.”

Vance’s lips quirked. “Yeah, well…” His voice changed into the tone he used to coax information from suspects and submissives. “Can you trust me enough to share your idea of the future?” He waited.

Fucking Dom manipulative techniques were fucking effective.

Galen paced across the room and stared out the window. The glossy hibiscus shrub boasted a wealth of flashy red trumpet flowers…and they’d wilt away by late afternoon.

No lasting power.

He scowled at the bush. When he’d joined the FBI, no one mentioned one of his enemies could be his own mind. But he’d never backed away from a fight before. Wouldn’t start now. And he’d win this one.

So. Although he still wouldn’t mind putting a fist in the pushy bastard’s face, Vance deserved an answer.

Galen sighed. If he could conquer his worry and guilt, then…then, he could think of nothing better than living in the future with Sally. With Vance at his side.

Ayuh.

He turned and looked his partner in the eye. “Being the older husband, I expect to name our first kid.”

A few hours later, Galen followed his partner through the back gate into Z’s private gardens. A distant rumbling made him look up. The air was muggy, and black clouds piled up like skyscrapers on the western horizon. Yeah, it was almost June. The afternoon thunderstorm season had started. Getting drenched would be a fitting end to a dismal day.

They still hadn’t found Sally.

Since she didn’t carry much cash, they figured she’d holed up with a friend, and so they’d called the trainees. No luck. Tried the Shadowlands submissives, one by one. Good thing that grad school had limited the imp’s social time or they’d have been calling every female in her university.

They’d gone through the entire list of Shadowkittens without success.

Then Z had called after hearing from the other Masters. Although Jessica was home, she hadn’t mentioned receiving their voice mail.

Yeah, she knew something.

“Think Jessica will tell us where Sally went?” Vance asked as they walked across the veranda.

“Not a chance.” That little banty hen had a rep for defending the submissives. She was as protective in her way as Z was in his, so coaxing information out of her might be tricky.

Jessica lived with Z on the Shadowlands mansion’s third floor, and by the time he reached the top, Galen’s knee hurt like a son of a bitch.

Z opened the door to their knock. “Gentlemen.” Dressed in black jeans and a loose black shirt, he led them through the kitchen, the dining room, and into the living room. The light from arched windows streamed over the creamy walls, the dark red carpet, and glinted off Jessica’s long golden hair. Curled in a corner of the leather couch, she stared at them with wary eyes. The determined tilt of her chin was worrisome.

Vance lifted an eyebrow at Galen, showing he recognized they were dealing with a hostile subject.

As Vance leaned against the stone fireplace, Galen picked up a ladder-back chair from the dining area and set it next to the couch. Inside her comfort zone.

Wisely staying out of the kill zone, Z took a chair at the other end of the couch and leaned back with his fingers steepled on his stomach. From his reserved expression, he’d intervene if he felt they were overstepping their bounds. And during the phone call, he’d made those bounds quite clear.

Galen straddled the chair, resting his forearms on the back. After giving Jessica a smile that wasn’t returned, he asked gently, “Did Sally tell you what happened?”

Her mouth opened. Her eyes narrowed as she recognized the trap. This wasn’t a submissive who would lie to—or in front of—her Dom, so she couldn’t say, I haven’t seen her. But she would have no problem with evasions. “I’m sorry, but I believe conversations between friends are private.”

“Jessica, we’re worried about her,” Vance said, forcing her to split her attention between them. “Our lakeshore drive isn’t a safe area for a woman on foot at night. Can you, at least, tell us if you picked her up?”

“I don’t want to talk with you.” Her mouth turned mulish.

“I think that was a fair question, kitten,” Z murmured.

“Dammit,” she muttered and glared at Vance. “Yes, I picked her up. But she’s not anywhere on Shadowlands’ property. And she’s safe.”

Thank God. The tension in Galen’s chest eased slightly. Jessica wouldn’t say that unless she was sure. “Thank you, pet.”

“That’s all you’re going to get from me, even if he lets you beat me. You made her cry.”

The verbal hit sliced into Galen’s heart like a knife. “I did. And I’d like to apologize to her and make amends. Won’t you help us find her?”

“No. I won’t.” The glance she cast at Z was antagonistic. “No matter what he does.”

Oh hell. Now he’d caused trouble between two people he liked very much. The exhaustion weighing Galen down was joined by frustration and a goodly amount of despair. Everything he’d done in the last twenty-four hours had gone wrong.

But he could start by fixing this. Maybe.

He glanced at Vance and saw his partner was willing to let him take a stab at it. “Jessica. I’m sorry. Sorry if we created trouble between you two. Z is our friend, and he was trying to help us, much as you helped Sally. I’ve never met a more loyal man.”

Her gaze dropped.

“You can be angry at us, because we—I—hurt Sally, but Z is trapped like you, right in the middle. Please don’t be upset with him.”

When her lips trembled, Galen felt her unhappiness like another blow. He pushed to his feet. “We’re leaving.”

Vance walked over to crouch in front of Jessica. “You’re a good friend, sweetie. Sally is lucky to have you.”

She glanced at him and Galen. “You two are pretty effective, aren’t you? No wonder she had trouble resisting you.”

Galen’s spirits lifted slightly. Hopefully she still would.

Vance patted Jessica’s knee. “With such good friends, I’m surprised she’s not staying with one of you.”

“Well, she felt—” Jessica caught herself, and this time Vance received the you’re-a-cockroach-that-needs-to-be-squashed glare.

But the good-guy trick had worked. If Sally was at a friend’s, Jessica would probably have said, But she—rather than starting an explanation.

The imp might or might not be in town, but she wasn’t with one of her buddies.

Galen’s eyes narrowed. Just how far would Jessica go to help her buddy? He’d checked on Sally’s credit card…but they hadn’t checked anyone else’s.

Gotcha, imp.

Vance held his hand out to Jessica, not moving until she gave him her fingers. “I’m sorry for the trick, sweetheart. But we really are worried. I don’t know if she told you, but she did something that will get her targeted by the Harvest Association. That’s what we fought about.”

Jessica’s mouth formed an O. “Sally didn’t talk about why. Just said she’d caused problems, and it was time to leave.”

“Time to leave?” They’d just see about that.