Inbetween

Chapter 21

Emma

“What’s wrong?” I looked around to make sure there wasn’t anyone close enough to hear me talking to myself, worry curling around my spine like a vine. Finn was staring at nothing beside me, his brow creased, a frown ruining the happy look that usually accompanied his face.

He snapped back to reality and smiled at me, shaking off whatever had been bothering him.

“Nothing. Are you ready to go? ”

I shivered as a bitter gust of wind blew over me, biting at my nose and cheeks. Winter was close.

“Yeah, we better before I get frostbite.” I bounced on the balls of my feet to keep warm, tugging my gray stocking cap over my tousled hair to cover my ears. Finn gave me a distracted smile, and followed me toward my worn-out blue Jeep Wrangler. It was spotted with rust and the air conditioner didn’t always work, but it was mine.

“So, what are we doing today?” I tossed my bag into the back of the Jeep and cranked the ignition, praying that the heater wouldn’t take a century to heat up. I had wanted to try out a new hiking trail and load up my camera with landscape shots, but today was way too cold for that. Any minute now, snow would start dumping from the sky in buckets.

Finn stared out the windshield at an approaching SUV. “I don’t know about us, but it looks like you have company.”

I slipped off my gloves and shoved my numb fingers against the vents to thaw them out. Cash’s black Bronco ground to halt in front of us, blocking in my Jeep. He jumped out of his truck, shivering as a rush of wind blasted his face, turning his cheeks pink.

I gave Finn a meaningful look and he groaned. “So, what? Am I supposed to go stand out in the cold now?”

“You can’t even get cold,” I said.

“Point taken.”

“Seriously,” I said. “Just give me a minute with him.”

Finn gave me a small smile and nodded, barely giving me time to blink before he was gone. I watched him until all I could see was the flicker of his gray shirt near the tree line, but then it was gone, too.

Cash climbed in the passenger side and slammed the door shut behind him. “It’s cold enough to freeze Hell over out there.” He rubbed his hands together and blew hot breath into them.

“Here.” I cranked the heat up another notch and turned a vent in his direction. “Better?”

He nodded and settled back in his seat.

“So what’s up?”

He looked at me and raked his fingers through his thick black hair. “Funny. That’s exactly what I was going to ask you.”

I averted my gaze, watching a whirlwind of tawny-colored leaves dance over the hood of my Jeep and get stuck in my windshield wipers. I’d been avoiding Cash for more than a week—pretty much since Finn had popped into my life. Honestly, I was surprised it took him this long to corner me and demand an explanation. Mom would’ve demanded an explanation for my behavior days ago had I not patched up the holes in our kitchen walls while she was at Spin class. I took a deep breath and said, “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?” Cash asked, his stare burning a hole through me. “Don’t say sorry, just tell me what I did that’s making you dodge me in the halls and not answer my calls. And what the hell is up with the new lock on the window?”

“I didn’t do the window,” I said to my lap. “Mom did after she caught you in my room the other night.”

“So, what, then?” he asked. “Is it because I didn’t believe you about the pictures? The ghost crap?

Did I fuck up?” Cash leaned across and grabbed my arm. “Talk to me, Em. What?”

I stared down at his hand. “You didn’t do anything, I swear. I’ve just been dealing with some stuff lately.” It wasn’t a lie, but I wasn’t willing to give him the details. Not even Cash would accept what was going on in my life as reality.

Cash stared blankly out the windshield. “You used to let me help you deal with stuff. Now it just feels like you’re shutting me out.” He wiped his palms over his jeans and laughed bitterly. “You’re my family, Em. You’re the only one who gives a damn about me, so I’m asking you to let me in. Don’t try to do this on your own again. We both know it doesn’t work. If you’re going through something, then I go through it, too. Got it?”

“Okay.” I nodded, wanting so badly to tell him about the boy who had saved my life. In more ways than one. I wanted to tell him how wonderful Finn was. I wanted him to be alive so Cash could see for himself.

“So…we’re good?”

I shoved the things I wanted to say back into the place in my mind just for me and nodded. “Yeah, of course.”

“Do you want to hang out tonight? We could go to the old drive-in. It’s cold as hell, but I got the heater fixed in my truck.” Cash pulled out his phone and started Googling show times. “We can hash out these problems of yours over a hot box of popcorn. Unless it’s gross girl stuff. If that’s the case, I take back what I said about us going through everything together.”

I peered out my window, looking for Finn. I spotted him lingering at the tree line, hands shoved in his pockets as he kicked a few rocks waiting for me. “It’s not gross stuff. Why aren’t you going out with Tinley tonight?”

“She’s grounded,” he said. “Hey, Zombie Apocalypse Two is playing at seven thirty.”

I sighed. More dead people. Just what I needed. “Perfect.”

Cash finally slid his phone back into his pocket. “I’ll pick you up at seven.” He lightly punched me in the arm and climbed out of the Jeep.

Once the black Bronco was out of sight, Finn slid into the front seat. “How bad was it?”

“He’s fine,” I said, pulling out of the parking lot and starting the fifteen-minute drive home. “Just worried about me. He wants me to go out tonight. He probably thinks I’m on the verge of a mental breakdown.”

“You should go.”

I stopped at a stop sign and glanced over at Finn, who looked completely at home in my Jeep. He looked like he belonged there. With me. “What about you?”

“I have somewhere I need to be. I’d rather you be with him so he can keep an eye on you.”

I lifted my chin. “I don’t need a babysitter 24-7.” It may not have been the most effective way, but I’d gotten rid of Maeve at the house. I could do it again if I had to. And chances were, I would. I couldn’t expect Finn to be with me every waking minute.

“I know that,” he said, but didn’t sound like he really believed it. “But it’ll make me feel better if you’re with him.”

I pulled my Jeep over to the side of the road under a canopy of pine trees and turned so he couldn’t see my face, my bleary gaze spilling out onto the empty highway. I wasn’t in control of my own life and after two years, I was finally tired of it. I was tired of being afraid. I was tired of people looking at me like I might snap at any moment. I was tired of Finn treating me like he was my bodyguard when I wanted him to be something else.

“Emma… What’s wrong? What are you thinking?”

“I think you’ve spent the last two years trying to protect me because, for some reason, you feel guilty. Like it’s your job, or something. You constantly say this isn’t my fault, but it’s not yours either. You didn’t do anything to her. Nothing that would justify this, or obligate you to keep me safe all this time. I just…I wish things were different.”

I wished everything were different. I wished I could have a normal life, that there wasn’t some crazed soul out there hell-bent on me dying. I wished Finn could be here because he wanted to be, and not because he felt that he had to protect me. It hurt to admit even to myself, but I wished Finn was alive. I wanted him to be able to hold my hand. Kiss me. Do everything I could do and not worry about the consequences. I wanted so many things from him that he couldn’t give. And it wasn’t fair.

“I don’t need you safe because of some obligation,” he said, his voice tight. “I need you safe because if something ever happened to you it would rip me apart! Don’t you see that? I need…” He laid his hand in the seat between us and stared at it. “I need you, Emma. I need you more than I’ve ever needed anything.”

“Finn…”

“I’m not trying to be an ass. I just need you to trust me when I say that something is dangerous. I have to go somewhere and I need to know you’re safe while I’m gone. The only way I’m going to be comfortable leaving you is if you stay with Cash.”

“Cash isn’t going to be able to protect me from Maeve.”

Finn’s fingers carefully brushed against mine. The warm spark ignited by his fingers sent a rush of heat racing across my skin. “He won’t have to.”

I took a deep breath, heart pounding with want, and watched his hand pull away. He was right. I would protect myself. Maybe it would work. Maybe it wouldn’t. But I wouldn’t go down without a fight. No matter how screwed up and unfair it was, I wanted more of whatever it was that Finn and I had too much to give up now.

“I’ll be okay,” I finally said. “I promise.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah. Just…” I glanced out the window at the cars buzzing by, trying to force some confidence in my voice. “Just come back, okay?”

Finn scooted across the seat. I felt the warmth of his lips shimmer against my cheek. “I’ll always come back to you, Emma.”

I shut my eyes again, trying not to think about how badly I wished that kiss could have been real, and when I opened them he was gone.