Irresistible Forces

“If he gets drunk, just take a cab home by yourself. Don't take a chance.”

“Sweetheart, stop worrying. No one is going to get drunk. We're going to have dinner, and go home. That's all. It's better than room service, but it's no big deal.”

“All right,” he said, sounding mollified, but still slightly unsure. The guy was too young, too successful, too good looking, from everything he'd read and heard. He couldn't imagine any man being able to resist his wife. But even if he was suspicious of Callan, he trusted her completely.

“What about you? What are you up to tonight?” she asked him.

“Sleep. I'm back on call tomorrow. But I've got nothing else to do this weekend anyway. I'm off next weekend at least. I traded it so I could be with you.”

“Why don't we go away somewhere?” She sounded happy at the prospect.

“We'll see.”

They hung up a few minutes later, and she went back to her bath, which was cold by then. She ran some more hot water into it, and sat smiling in the bathtub, thinking of him. It seemed cute to her that he was still jealous after all these years. He had no reason to be, and he knew it. She had never even remotely for a single instant thought of being unfaithful to him. She was still very much in love with Steve, just as he was with her.

When Callan picked her up shortly before eight, she was wearing a short black cocktail dress, high-heeled evening sandals, and a string of pearls. She was wearing makeup and her hair shone like gold. She looked very striking and very pretty, and Cal took a step backward to look at her and seemed impressed. She was always fairly conservatively dressed when she worked, and was given to wearing navy or black suits. She usually looked very much the part of a banker, but tonight she looked young and sexy, and the back of the little black cocktail dress was fairly bare.

“Wow! If I may say so, Mrs. Whitman, you're a knockout. Maybe you should have been wearing that when you made your speech on the tour. If you had, we'd be oversold a hundred to one.”

“Thank you, Callan,” she said, blushing slightly. It was fun getting dressed up for a change, and going out with him.

And when they got to Harry's, all the trendy in-crowd, well-known names and faces, and aristocrats were there. It was still one of the most exclusive restaurants in London, and because it was a club, it looked more like a dinner party in someone's house, than a public place.

They had drinks at the bar, and when they were taken to their table, Meredith recognized the people at the tables on either side. One was a group of important international bankers, some English, some French, one Saudi, and two from Bahrain. And at the table on their right were two movie stars and a director and a well-known Italian prince. It was a star-studded crowd, and it was fun being there with him.

And for once, they didn't talk about business. They were just two people out for dinner on a Friday night. Except for the fact that she was married and he was a client, it was almost like a date, but better in some ways. Neither of them had to worry about the outcome, or the impression they were making, the intentions or agendas of the other, they were just friends enjoying a fun evening.

“Steve must be pretty open-minded,” Callan commented as the waiter poured them each a glass of Chateau d'Yquem with their dessert. It was a sweet sauterne that Meredith had always loved, and it tasted like liquid gold as she sipped it.

‘‘ What makes you say that?’’

“I'm not sure I'd have wanted my wife going out to dinner and dancing, when I was married. I'm not sure I ever trusted Charlotte that much,” and they both knew he hadn't been wrong to distrust her.

“Steve knows he has nothing to worry about. I'm a sure thing,” she said with a smile, as she noticed a very stylish-looking dark-haired woman walk into the restaurant in a red dress. Several people seemed to know who she was, and she was with a very attractive older man. Meredith thought she looked familiar, but she couldn't figure out who she was, and finally, watching her chat and laugh from table to table, Meredith asked Cal if he recognized her. And he looked at her for a long time. “Is she an actress?” She was too old to be a model, but not by very much. And she could have been, when she was younger.

“No, she's an attorney,” he said with a last glance, and then turned around to face Meredith again with a somewhat pinched expression.

“Do you know her? I've seen her somewhere, but I can't place the face.”

“You've seen her in W, and assorted magazines. She's very social, and fairly well known by association, most of her clients are very important. She moves in a very jet-set crowd,” he said simply.

“Who is she?” Meredith looked puzzled, and Cal looked unconcerned, but there was suddenly something hard about his eyes as he answered.

“That's my ex-wife,” he said, looking right across the table into Meredith's eyes. He did not look pleased about it.

“I'm sorry,” she said. She could see that it was a reminder he didn't need. And it was unfortunate that she'd been there.

“Don't be. We're on good terms now. I see her whenever she comes to visit the kids.” But Meredith could sense easily that no matter how he covered it, the encounter was painful for him. She wondered if they were going to say hello to each other, but as the thought crossed her mind, the woman in red was suddenly standing at their table, and holding a hand out to Cal with a dazzling smile, which glittered almost as brilliantly as the diamonds on her ears and fingers. “Hello, Charlotte,” he said simply, “how are you?”

“Fine. What are you doing in this part of the world?” She glanced at Meredith in her simple black dress and string of pearls, and the elegant young investment banker was instantly dismissed as unimportant.

“I'm here on business. And this is Meredith Whitman,” he introduced her politely, and a minute later Charlotte moved on and joined her friends at a table in the rear, for a private party. It struck Meredith after she left that she had never bothered to inquire about their children. She said something about it to Callan, and he shrugged and looked at Meredith with a wry smile. “I told you, Meredith, children aren't her thing. She likes glamour and the jet set, and business, and glitz. All that interests her are the big stars she represents. She's very happy here.” Meredith wondered how much it upset him to see her, but didn't press him about it.

“She's very striking,” Meredith commented, and very beautiful. It said something about the kind of women he was attracted to. It was hard not to be somewhat dazzled by her looks, and from everything Cal had said, she was obviously smart too. It was the important things, like values, and compassion and integrity, which she seemed to lack, from what Cal had told her.

“She was a model as a kid. I think it kind of went to her head. She liked all the attention, and the money, but she knew it couldn't last. So she built something for herself that would. She's actually a very fine attorney, and she loves that whole entertainment world. She adores all her little movie stars, I think she lives vicariously through them. And they're all crazy about her. Maybe that's why she's not as interested in her own kids. Her clients are her children, and she gets all her strokes from them.”

“Kind of like me,” Meredith grinned. “My clients are my kids. Like you. I get everything all set up, and then I send you out into the world to make lots of money and be a big success.” He laughed at the comparison and shook his head.

“I think it's a little more than that. But what do you get out of it, Meredith, other than the obvious?” They both knew she would make a lot of money on his deal, but he also knew she did it for more than that. She loved what she did. And she was brilliant at it. In the months he had worked with her, and particularly lately, he had been enormously impressed by her.

“I love what I do,” she said in answer to his question. “And it's true in a way, my clients are my kids. I don't need children. I get everything I need from them and Steve.”

“It's not the same thing, I promise. You're missing out on something important,” he glanced across the room then at the table where Charlotte sat, “so is she. She never understood what she was missing. And in her case, it's a real crime. At least you haven't had children, you're not hurting anyone by your decision, except maybe yourself, or Steve. In her case, she's not only missing out, but she's cheating our children out of having a real mother.”

“Maybe it's time for you to remarry,” she said bravely, “not only for your sake, but for the kids’ sake.”

“Great. And then what? Let them live through a divorce again? At least last time most of them were too young to understand what was happening. Mary Ellen was six, and it was heartbreaking for her, but Julie and Andy were four and not quite two. It was a lot easier for them. Next time it wouldn't be. They're older now. Old enough to be hurt by it.”

“What makes you think you'd get divorced next time, Cal? Don't you think you learned something last time?”

“Yeah, not to get married,” he laughed, but it wasn't a sound of humor, but of bitterness and remembered pain, “and not to trust, and not to be as stupid next time. Charlotte started her business in London on the settlement she got from me.”

“Lucky for her.”

“I thought so,” he said, as he signaled for the check. “Besides,” he said with a look of amusement, “my kids wouldn't let me marry again. I think they're pretty clear that they want me to themselves now.”

“That's not fair, and it's not good for them, or you.”

“It's very good for me. They're like three little guardian angels, who keep me from making a fool of myself, or doing something stupid.”

“You're too smart to be that cynical, Cal, or that cowardly.” She was speaking to him as a friend, and he knew it.

“Why are you trying to sell me marriage?” He was intrigued by her persistence.

“Because I think it's a great thing. Best thing I ever did.”

“Then you're very lucky,” he smiled warmly at her, and seemed to relax again, “and so is Steve. Come on, kiddo, let's go dance.” He took her hand, and led her out of the restaurant, without a glance back in his ex-wife's direction. For him, it was a closed book, and Meredith was relieved when they were back on the street. She had sensed his tension, and his pain over running into Charlotte. He clearly had no warm feelings about her, no matter how many children they'd had together.

They chatted easily on the way to Annabel's, in the chauffeured Daimler he'd hired at the hotel. And Meredith loved it when they got to Annabel's. He ordered champagne for both of them, and led her out to the dance floor, and it was an hour later when they came back to their table. She was having a great time with him. He was a wonderful dancer, and fun to be with. And she was sorry for him that in some ways he was still so bitter. He had been badly wounded, but in every other way, he was an immensely appealing man, and she thought he deserved more than he was willing to allow himself to have. Somehow, his work and children did not seem enough for a man like him, although she didn't know what else he had in his life. In all the time they'd been traveling together, he had never mentioned a girlfriend or a companion, or a woman in his life, and she couldn't help wondering what he did for fun, other than work, and go dancing with his investment banker.

They stayed at Annabel's until two o'clock in the morning, and then went back to Claridge's. They were laughing and happy and tired and relaxed. And without a thought of anything more than friendship, she could have easily danced with him all night. He held her comfortably in his arms, dancing slow or fast, moving perfectly with her, but still never out of line, and never too close. She wasn't uncomfortable with him for an instant. In fact, she felt even closer to him than before. And seeing Charlotte at Harry's Bar, and his reaction to her, had been an intriguing glimpse into his past for her.

“What's on the agenda for tomorrow?” he asked as he left her at the door to her hotel room.

“I thought I'd do some shopping. I love the antique shops here.”

“So do I,” he said easily. “Mind if I come with you?”

“Of course not.” But she remembered the treasures she'd seen in his house. “You may want to go to some fancier places than I do. I was just going to browse a little.”

“I can't think of anything I'd like better,” he said comfortably, and then added, “I had a great time tonight. You're wonderful company, Meredith.” Maybe, but she certainly wasn't as sophisticated or as striking as his ex-wife. Charlotte was a whole other breed, and she wondered if in comparison, Callan found her a little dull. She was far more conservative than his ex-wife. But also a great deal more real.

“I had a good time too. Thank you, Cal. Dinner was terrific, and I loved dancing. I never get to go dancing with Steve. He's always either too tired, or at work, and I've come to the conclusion over the years, that most surgeons just can't dance. This was fun. Thank you,” she said warmly, and meant it.

“I'll come to New York and take you dancing anytime. We can be the new Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire, dancing partners and good friends.” She laughed at the comparison, and after she said good night to him, she closed the door to her room. She was tired, but she had had a great time, and when she glanced at the phone, she saw that the message light was on. And when she called in for her messages, they told her Steve had called three times, but she was tired and decided to call him in the morning.

She tossed her dress on a chair, kicked off her shoes, brushed her teeth, put on her nightgown, and went straight to bed.

And she was still asleep at eight o'clock the next morning when the phone rang. It was Steve.

“Where were you all night?” He sounded annoyed this time.

“I told you I was going out with Cal.” She was half asleep, and she yawned.

“What time did you get in? Four A.M.?”

“No. Two. We went to Harry's for dinner, and then to Annabel's afterward for drinks.” She had no secrets from him. She had always intended to tell him about Annabel's, she just didn't want to worry him beforehand.

“Did you dance with him?”

“No. But I danced with several waiters and the maitre d’. Of course I danced with him, silly. It was no big deal.”

“Maybe it is to me.” He sounded like a petulant child and she was mildly amused. He knew better than to worry about her with another man. Even if they had gone dancing.

“Well, it shouldn't be. It was a perfectly respectable evening. We even ran into his ex-wife.”

“That must have been fun. Anyway, I'm sorry if I'm being stupid. I just miss you, and I don't think I like you traveling around with another man.”

“I'll only take female clients from now on, I promise. I'll be sure to let them know at the firm.”

“All right, all right, so I'm a jerk. But I love you, and you're too goddamn beautiful to be traveling all over the world with handsome single guys.”

“He's a perfect gentleman, baby, I promise.” She was awake then, and sorry that he was upset about it. It was one thing to tease him a little, and another if he was genuinely worried. Making each other intentionally jealous was a game neither of them had ever played. “We won't go dancing again, I promise. It was just a one-time thing because we're both stuck here for the weekend, and we've been working so damn hard. I think we wanted to celebrate our success, but he really is harmless, and we're just good friends. You'll like him.”

“All right, I'm sorry, Merrie. I trust you. Do whatever you want. What are you doing today?”

“Nothing much. Some shopping. I asked the concierge to get me theater tickets.” The theater was so good in London, she always went when she was there. “I'm leaving for Geneva tomorrow night, and then we'll be back at work.”

“I'm just glad you'll be home soon.” He sounded antsy and worried, and she was sorry about it. She hadn't meant to upset him. He was far too decent to deserve that.

“He keeps trying to talk me into having kids.”

“Hopefully not his.” Steve sounded mildly worried again and she laughed.

“No, yours. He keeps telling me how lucky we are. I think he was pretty badly burned by his ex-wife. He's been divorced for eight years, and I think he's still one of the walking wounded. You should see his ex-wife, she's gorgeous, but a real piece of work. She lives here. She left him with the kids, and took off with her partner.”

“Nice woman. I'll have to take a look at this guy sometime.”

“He's short, fat, ugly, and has warts.”

“Yeah, and looks like Gary Cooper. I remember that part. I don't remember Gary Cooper having warts.”

“Maybe you never looked that close.”

“Well, don't you look that close either. Come home soon, baby, I miss you.” It was odd but he seemed totally unnerved by Callan Dow, which was unusual for him. Most of the time, he was unconcerned about the men with whom she did business. But for some reason, this time seemed different. Maybe he had read too much about him. The newspapers always made Callan sound glamorous and dashing and like a financial wizard. He was all of those things, but like everyone else, he was human. And Meredith was very much in love with her husband.

“What are you up to today?”

“I don't know. I'm off as of nine this morning. It's three now. But it's so boring when you're not here to play with.”

“I'll be home next week, and we can play all weekend.”

“I can't wait to see you.” He was lonelier than usual, and for some reason, he seemed restless to her. Maybe he really was jealous and unnerved by her traveling around with Callan. She was almost sorry she'd told him they'd gone dancing, but she never lied to him. And he knew that about her. “Have fun shopping today. Call me when you get back to the hotel.”

“I will,” she promised, and she meant it. But as it turned out, she and Callan dragged around the shops until six o'clock, and then rushed back to change for dinner and the theater.

They went to Rule's, and sat upstairs in a private room, and then dashed off to see a new production of Romeo and Juliet, and thoroughly enjoyed it. They went to Mark's Club, which he was a member of, for drinks afterward, and by the time she got home, she was too tired to call him.

She called Steve on Sunday afternoon before she left for Heathrow, but he was out, and she tried again when she got to Geneva, but by then he was working. So she gave up and had dinner with Callan and Charlie McIntosh, went to bed early, and the next morning they made their presentation to the Swiss investors. Charlie was in a much better mood than he'd been, and was actually civil to Meredith after the meeting. And Callan was pleased to see it.

And at four o'clock, they were on a plane to Paris, and all three were surprisingly congenial on the trip, which led Meredith to hope that Charlie had finally begun to understand the wisdom of what they were doing. And his benevolence toward her had been considerably enhanced by two martinis on the flight to Paris.

They were at the Ritz by dinnertime, and before Meredith could say a word, Callan informed her that he had made reservations at the Tour d'Argent for them. Charlie had other plans, and she put on the only other dinner dress she'd brought, a pale green silk the color of her eyes, and when she appeared in the bar at the Ritz, a number of heads turned, and Callan beamed at her.

“You look smashing, Meredith!” he said, without hesitation.

“Thank you.”

Dinner was predictably fabulous, and they spent most of the evening talking business, despite the sumptuous meal and the elegant surroundings. She wanted to prepare him for their presentation in the morning. The French weren't always easy, but news of their offering had already reached the important French investors, and they were as anxious to get on Callan's bandwagon as everyone else. Meredith didn't think they'd have any problems with the French.

The car brought them back to the hotel, and she and Callan walked slowly around the Place Vendôme, to get some air. It was mid-September by then, and a beautiful, balmy evening. And as they walked back to the hotel, she felt chilly in the thin dress, and Callan put his jacket over her shoulders. It smelled of his cologne, and they looked like a happy couple as they chatted and laughed and glanced into the jewelers’ windows. It had been a very pleasant evening. And after their presentation the next day, they were spending one last night in Paris, and then flying back to New York early on Wednesday, in time for their final meeting with her partners, about the pricing of the stock. The stock would be traded the next day, the syndicate would dissolve as soon as all the stock was sold, and his work with Meredith would be over. He seemed to feel almost nostalgic about it as they walked slowly back to the hotel across the most elegant square in Paris.

“What am I going to do without you to talk to every day, Meredith? I'm going to have withdrawals.”

“No, you won't, you'll be too busy worrying about your shareholders and what they want to even think about me.”

“I feel like I'm being pushed out of the nest to fly on my own now,” he said, as they walked past Boucheron and Meredith admired an enormous emerald necklace.

“You did fine without me before you met me,” she said confidently, and then she laughed, pulling his jacket a little tighter around her. “Besides, you have Charlie to talk to.”

“That's a frightening thought,” Callan said, looking more handsome than ever in a white shirt, and dark blue tie. He always looked impeccable, and had an enormous amount of style. He looked like more of a clothes horse sometimes than the head of a successful high-tech venture in Silicon Valley. It made her think of Charlotte and what a handsome couple they must have been years before. He seemed like the right kind of man for a very beautiful, glamorous woman, and there was something very pleasant about being seen with him. People always looked at them when they were out together. “Anyway, my dear, I'm going to miss you.”

“You can call me for free advice anytime you have a problem.”

“If I can even find you. If you're not away or too busy to return my calls,” he said wistfully. He actually looked sad about it, as she smiled at him.

“My office always knows where to find me,” she reassured him, as they walked up the steps of the Ritz and into the lobby.

They passed down the long corridor of vitrines full of jewelry and gifts, and he left her at her room, with a look of regret, as she handed him back his jacket. It had been another lovely evening, and she had agreed to dine at Lucas Carton with him the next day, but she was charging that one to the firm. He had picked up the tab at the Tour d'Argent, as he had at Harry's Bar, and both had been pretty impressive. He liked dining in fashionable four-star restaurants, and he didn't mind paying for it himself, even when he didn't have to.

They met again the next day, with Charlie McIntosh, and made their final presentations. And the French were as anxious to invest in Dow Tech as everyone else had been, right from the beginning. Their results for Callan had been beyond what her wildest hopes for him had been, and far better than their analysts had predicted. They were going to make an impressive entry onto the scene when the stock was first traded on Thursday. And the tombstone in The Wall Street Journal, announcing who had underwritten the deal, was going to be full of impressive names. She had explained to Cal that there were going to be “majors out of order,” which meant that some of the big firms had agreed to take less stock and were willing to appear beneath the names of the smaller firms specializing in high-tech issues. It was the sign of a very hot deal, and would be very prestigious for them. It was yet another goal she had accomplished for him.

By the time they got back to the hotel at five o'clock, it was clear that they were entitled to a victory celebration. At that precise moment, their due diligence tour was officially over. It had succeeded beyond everything she'd hoped for him, and even Charlie McIntosh was smiling. Although he still didn't agree with what Cal had done, officially, he had to concede a job well done and thoroughly accomplished. He even commented to Cal that Meredith was an extraordinarily competent woman. And Charlie shook hands with her and congratulated her on how well they had succeeded. He had to leave them a few minutes later, as he was catching an eight o'clock flight that night, back to California. Cal was flying to New York with her the next day, for the final meeting with her partners at her office. And they were hoping to hear that their prospectus had been approved by the SEC by then.

She wore a simple black suit to their dinner at Lucas Carton that night, and it was a leisurely evening, and an extraordinary meal. He said he had talked to his children, and they were fine, but anxious for him to come home.

“So is Steve,” she said over coffee and brandy. “We've done a damn good job though.” She looked pleased, and happy for him. She loved what she did, and it had been fun traveling with him. She had enjoyed him more than most of her clients. They worked well together, and seemed to have a lot in common. They shared a number of views about the financial world, and she had always been excited about the high-tech companies she worked with. She had pretty much specialized in them for the past five years, and she knew her stuff, which had vastly impressed Callan. He'd been warned that he might have to do a lot of educating with the investment banking firm he chose. But she had actually educated him about the entire IPO process, and the investment banking world, and he admired her for it.

“So where to from here?” he asked her, as they sipped their brandy.

“The next public offering that comes my way. Same old game. And you? What are you going to do now for excitement?” she teased him. They had a great camaraderie between them. But she had a fairly good idea what he was going to do next. He had already talked to her about a whole new range of high-tech surgical products that he wanted to develop.

“Actually, I'm thinking about acquiring another company,” he confessed. “Give me a couple of years, and Dow Tech will be ten times the size it is today.” He was counting on it, and planning to work toward that.

“I'd love that,” she smiled. They chatted about it for a while, he hadn't mentioned new acquisitions to her before. He was full of good ideas, and he wanted to strive for new horizons. He wasn't a man who rested on his laurels, and she liked that about him. She wasn't one to do that either. They were both ambitious in a very similar fashion.

They were still talking about his ideas when they went back to the hotel, and sat in the bar for a little while. He had another brandy, but she only sat with him. She didn't want to have a headache when they flew to New York the next day.

And he looked comfortable and relaxed as they sat side by side in a booth and chatted till long after midnight. There was always so much to talk about and share and discuss. They agreed about a lot of things, but she also challenged him, and dared to disagree with him, which he enjoyed about her. They shared a world that few people either enjoyed or understood, and he said that to her with a look of admiration.

“Do you talk to Steve about all this?” he asked, curious. There had never been another woman he could talk to as he did her. It was very rare, in his field, and he knew that.

“Some of it. Not the high-tech world. But he's gotten pretty knowledgeable about investment banking and how it works. He impresses the hell out of people when he talks about IPOs and red herrings and green shoes. Some people think he's a banker instead of a doctor.” She smiled as she said it.

“I still think he's one hell of a lucky guy, and I hope he knows it.”

“He does,” she smiled again. “I'm lucky too. We're very different, but it works. Maybe because we've been together forever. Nearly half my life.” She'd been married to him for fourteen of her thirty-seven years, and that was pretty impressive.

“I was only married half that long, and I felt like I'd been sent to Vietnam and was being held hostage by the Viet Cong. In fact, I enjoyed my two years in Da Nang a lot more than being married to Charlotte.” Meredith could see why, but she still felt sorry for him.

“At least you got three wonderful children out of it.”

“I did. I'm grateful to her for that. Sometimes, it's hard for me to believe they're hers. She seems so removed from them, but that's how she wants it to be.” It didn't surprise Meredith, she hadn't looked like a very warm person when they'd run into her in Harry's Bar. Beautiful, and charming, but ice cold. It made Meredith question what Callan had been looking for when he fell in love with her, if only appearances had been important to him then. And perhaps they still were now.

They sat for a long time talking in the bar that night, holding on to the last moments they were going to share. The next day they were going back to their own lives again, their offices, the people who were important to them, his children in his case, and in hers Steve. But for this one moment, this last evening, they were celebrating their joint victory, and the common world they had so briefly shared.

Knowing that, it didn't surprise her when he touched her hand, and looked at her very gently. “I want you to know how important all of this has been to me. You did an incredible job, Meredith, and you've been a wonderful friend.”

“I've enjoyed working with you, Cal.” And traveling, and laughing, and talking about everything from IPOs to having kids. She had also learned a lot from him.

“I hope we have a chance to work together again sometime,” he said, looking wistful.

“Well, if you're serious about acquiring another company, I might be able to introduce you to some prospects. I'll keep an eye out for the right one for you.”

“That's almost reason enough to do it, in spite of Charlie's objections,” he said, with a smile, and a little while later, he walked her back to her room. He left her outside, as he always did, but this time, he lingered for just an instant, seemed about to say something, and then stopped as she opened her door with the heavy brass key. “Good night, Meredith,” he said simply, watching her. And then, without word or explanation, she leaned toward him, kissed his cheek, turned away, and took a step into her room.

“Good night, Cal,” she said softly, and then as he walked away, she quietly closed the door. She sat down in a chair for a long moment, looking out the window, and thinking about him. A lot had happened in the past few weeks. And she hoped that, whether or not they worked together again, he would always be her friend now.

Chapter 8

THE FLIGHT TO New York on Wednesday seemed to go too quickly. Cal slept, and Meredith worked. Her office had sent her a stack of faxes before they left Paris. And she was still working when they landed at JFK.

Cal woke up and looked at her with a sleepy smile, and then glanced out the window. The landing wheels had just hit the runway.

“What time is it?” he asked, stifling a yawn.

“Two o'clock local time. They're expecting us at four o'clock in my office.” It would take them that long, she knew, to get through customs, claim their bags, and take a limo into the city. “Everyone wants to congratulate you.”

“They should be congratulating you, Meredith. I hope they realize that.” There were times when he worried about her. He had seen very clearly that Paul Black didn't appreciate her, and Cal wondered if her other partners were any smarter.

“They do realize it,” she smiled, slipping her papers into her briefcase.

But when they met with the senior partners at four o'clock for the pricing meeting, everyone shook hands with Cal, and all the partners who had come congratulated him and each other. In the melee of people in the conference room, Meredith was all but forgotten. Paul Black made a point of telling her it had been a job well done, but most of the others were intent on talking to Callan and the other senior partners. She was used to it, and it didn't shock her. They were an old boys’ society of sorts, a secret fraternity that still had trouble acknowledging women. Knowing that, it had meant a great deal to her when she made partner. But as Callan had said during one of their many talks while they were traveling, there was some question as to how far she would go in the firm, and whether or not she had already hit the glass ceiling. For the moment, she still refused to believe she had.

“Meredith is the one you should all be talking about,” Callan made a point of saying to them. “She's the magician who put it all together. She was incredible,” he said more than once, but no one seemed particularly interested in hearing what he was saying, and it annoyed him. And they were all interrupted by the phone conference with the salesmen of all the firms in the syndicate to handle the last aspects of due diligence. Meredith announced to everyone that the deal had been approved by the SEC, and would be effective in the morning when the market opened. They were all pleased to hear that there would in fact be a green shoe, and the only thing left to do was determine the size of the offering, and the price per share. And Callan agreed to stick with the number of shares indicated in the red herring, and to set the price at only a twenty percent premium over that in the prospectus, so that in the initial trading, given the tremendous oversubscription they had, the stock would rise sharply and quickly. Meredith explained it as “leaving something on the table,” which she knew would make everyone feel good about the offering, and allow the syndicate to dissolve immediately. It was the perfect deal, and it had come to the ideal conclusion, and Callan had no doubt that she was responsible for its success from beginning to end.

He said something about it to her two hours later when he dropped her off at her apartment in a limo. He was on the way to the airport, and heading back to California. Their venture was done, the book was oversubscribed eleven to one, they would go effective the next day, and the tombstone would appear in The Wall Street Journal the day after, on Thursday. Mission accomplished. But Callan still didn't feel that Meredith had gotten her fair share of the glory.

“They practically ignored you at the meeting, Merrie,” he said with a look of irritation. “What's wrong with those guys?”

“That's just the way they are. It doesn't mean anything. They know what I do. They're just not very vocal about their recognition.”

“Bullshit. They take you for granted, and you know it. You could have screwed this up royally for them, or done a half-assed job of it, and you didn't do that. You did a first-rate job every step of the way, better than that. I don't believe for a minute that we'd have an eleven-to-one oversubscribed book on this if it weren't for you. The least they could do is say so.”

“That's not important,” she said simply.

“You're a better man than I then. I'd be mad as hell right now if I were you. You worked like a Trojan on this offering. They ought to be carrying you around on their shoulders.” He was really angry, and she smiled as they reached her apartment building.

“I'm okay with it, Cal. Honest. I'm a big girl. All I'm interested in are the results. They don't need to make a fuss about me. This is my job.”

He had made plenty of fuss over her, that was enough, and the stock had been well priced. Meredith was expecting the stock price to rise at least twenty percent above the offering price. Everything had gone exactly the way she wanted. And he felt they owed her more than just cursory thanks for it.

“Have a good flight home,” she said with a smile, as the limo stopped at her front door, and the doorman took her bags from the driver.

“I'm going to miss you,” he said, looking sad.

“I'm going to miss you too. We'll talk tomorrow when the stock starts trading. I'll keep you posted.” She hesitated for a moment before leaving the car, and he held her hand for a minute.

“Meredith, thank you for everything.” It was an emotional moment between them. She had helped him fulfill his greatest dream, and it meant a lot to him. “Take care of yourself. And tell that lucky guy of yours that you both have a friend in California.”

“Thanks, Cal.” She kissed his cheek and left the car, and then stood in the doorway and waved as the limo sped off to the airport. And it felt odd after that going upstairs to her apartment. It seemed so anticlimactic now to be home, and even more so when she found the apartment empty.

Steve had left her a note, he'd had to go back to the hospital that night, but he promised to be home the next day, by the time she got home from the office. “Welcome home … I love you,” he'd said, and she smiled as she read it.

She wasn't upset that he wasn't there, she was used to it, and she could use the time to read her mail, get her papers in order, and do her laundry. And she was happy later that night when he called her. She was reading in bed, and she jumped when the phone rang.

“Welcome home, Merrie. Sorry I'm not there with you.”

“That's okay. I'm tired anyway. I'm going to go to bed early.” It was six hours later for her, by French time, roughly five o'clock in the morning. “How's work?”

“Crazy as usual. Two head-ons, the usual gang members shooting each other up just for the hell of it, and some lunatic who jumped in front of the subway.”

“Sounds like an ordinary night in your part of the world,” she smiled. By his standards, that was business as usual.

“Yeah. It shouldn't be too bad tonight. I'll be home tomorrow. Everything okay with you?”

“Fine. I'm just tired.” And depressed for some reason. But that happened sometimes when she came home from a road show. It felt good to be home, but there was a kind of a letdown. Her baby had left the nest and flown, and her job with it was finished. On to the next one. But there was an emptiness in the lull.

She slept fitfully that night, thinking of it, and when she got to the office the next day, she saw the proof for the tombstone for Friday's Wall Street Journal. It was just as she expected it to be, their name was on the left, which indicated that her firm had been the keeper of the book, and there were several majors out of order, which meant that some of the smaller firms were listed above them, a sign of how hot the deal was, as she had told Callan, when she explained it to him. And she had been in her office in time to make sure that the stock was trading well.

Everyone was talking about Dow Tech. The stock price was already rising, but not so fast or so much that it made her look foolish for not having priced it higher. It was a textbook offering, and what everyone wanted to happen when they took a company public. She was sitting at her desk, feeling pleased with all of it when Cal called her.

“So what's our next stop, Meredith? I'm ready for the next city.” He was teasing and she laughed.

“Me too. I can't believe it's over. Looking back it all seems so easy.” She smiled as she said it, but it had all gone very smoothly.

“Yeah, like childbirth. It only seems easy now because everything went so well, thanks to you. I don't know what to do with myself now that I'm back.”

“You'll think of something.” She knew he had plenty of new projects on the back burner, they had talked a lot about them.

“How was Steve when you got back?” he asked politely. They seemed like old friends now.

“I haven't seen him yet. He was working. He's taking the weekend off, and he said he was going to lock up my briefcase.”

“I don't blame him. I would too. Tell him to take you dancing.” She laughed at that. Steve was no Fred Astaire, like Callan. In fact, he hated dancing. He'd rather sit home and watch TV with a glass of wine.

“That's not his thing, I'm afraid. We'll probably go to a movie tomorrow. That's more his speed. What about you? How are the kids?”

“Great. I don't think they even missed me.” Cal and Meredith were like two kids home from camp or boarding school, they didn't know what to do at home now. “They have endless plans to torture me all weekend. The girls want me to take them into town, and I have to take Andy to soccer practice. Pretty exciting.” They both led fairly quiet lives, although Meredith suspected that wasn't always the case for Callan. Charlotte had been a good indication on that score.

“No big social doings this weekend?” She was still curious about him, even after the time they had spent together, or perhaps even more so.

“You mean like bingo at my church?” he teased. “I do that on Tuesdays.”

“Yeah, me too,” she laughed. “Actually I'm meeting a new client next week about an IPO, it sounds pretty interesting. They're a small high-tech firm in Boston.”

“I've been gone for less than a day, and you're already being unfaithful to me. I thought you'd want to hang up your spurs after this one, and just live on our memories.” He sounded poetic as he said it.

“How's Charlie doing, speaking of memories? Happy to be back in the fold?”

“I'm not sure,” Cal said vaguely. “He scheduled a meeting with me this afternoon, and I get the feeling something's brewing. He's still ticked off that we went public, but that's no secret. You knew that.”

“Charlie doesn't exactly keep his feelings secret, does he?” she laughed. She didn't miss him. He had remained ornery right up to the last few minutes, but he'd been momentarily gracious when he left them. And even he had to admit that the entire process had gone far better than anyone had expected.

“Well, have a good weekend, Meredith, and a good rest. You've earned it.”

“So have you, Cal.”

“I'll call you sometime next week and see how things are going,” he promised.

She hung up, and got caught up in her office all afternoon, and when she got home at six o'clock, Steve was waiting for her. He swept her off her feet as soon as she walked into the living room, twirled her around, and kissed her.

“Boy, have I missed you.”

“I've only been gone a week, you goof.”

“It seemed a whole lot longer. To me at least.” He smiled and kissed her again, poured them both a glass of wine, and an hour later, after they chatted for a while, he started dinner. He had been hungry to talk to her, and see her, and feel her next to him in bed at night.

He made pasta for them, salad, and garlic bread, and halfway through the meal, he got amorous with her, and the rest of the meal went untouched as he carried her into their bedroom. They never got up again that night, and when she got up the next morning, she threw the remains of their dinner away and put the dishes in the dishwasher. Steve was still asleep, and when she checked The Wall Street Journal, the tombstone she had proofed the day before looked exactly as it was meant to.

She left for the office quietly, and Steve called her at the office when he woke up at noon, and for once she managed to go home early. Steve was waiting for her in the living room, he already had dinner on, and as soon as they finished, they went to the movies.

In every possible way, it was an idyllic weekend. They talked and laughed and went for long walks in the park. The weather was still warm and balmy, it was that perfect time of year in New York that felt almost like spring, that happened nearly every year in the last weeks of September.

And on Saturday night, they went out to dinner at a neighborhood restaurant they both liked. It was a far cry from Harry's Bar where she'd spent the previous Saturday night with Callan, but this was just what she wanted. She and Steve managed to spend uninterrupted time with each other for the first time in months. He was off call all weekend, and she lived up to her promise to him not to touch her briefcase. Everything was perfect. And on Monday morning when she left for work, he put on his scrubs and left for the hospital. He was going to be gone for two days this time, some of it on call in the hospital, and the rest actively on duty. And they both had easy weeks ahead of them, or at least Meredith did. With him, he could never quite predict it.

She checked on the Dow Tech stock when she got in, and it was still going up at a good clip, which pleased her. She was thinking about calling Cal to congratulate him again on it, when her secretary buzzed her.

“Callan Dow on the line for you, Mrs. Whitman,” she said briskly, and Meredith stopped what she was doing and took the call.

“Hi there. I was just about to call. The stock's still going up very nicely.” She had bought a fair-sized chunk of it for herself right after the opening, as the SEC permitted, so she now had a personal interest in it as well. “What's new in California?”

“Well, Meredith,” he said, sounding strange to her for a minute, “things have been moving and shaking out here.” A lot had happened since Friday, and he hadn't had a chance to call her all weekend. He'd been busy with his kids.

“What does that mean?” Meredith sounded puzzled, but intrigued by the way he'd said it.

“Charlie handed in his resignation on Friday, which could be a problem, if it upsets the stockholders, or triggers a lawsuit, but I'm hoping that won't happen. We had a long serious talk, and he just can't make his peace with the fact that we're a public company. He doesn't want to answer to shareholders, and he's violently opposed to my acquiring another company eventually. Actually he was pretty decent about it, and he says I've outgrown him. He says he's too old to make the adjustment. And I honestly think he made the right decision, given how he feels.”

Meredith nodded as she thought about it. “It may be for the best, Cal, although I know you have a lot of history with him. You need to find someone now who fits the direction you're taking and is willing to grow with you, and is even enthusiastic about it.”

“That's what I'm hoping,” he said simply.

“Do you have anyone in mind yet? How much notice did he give you?”

“The answers to both those questions are ‘yes,’ and ‘two weeks,’ in that order.”

“That's hardly a generous notice.”

“To tell the truth, I think he made his mind up before the road show, and he was just waiting to tell me when we got back. He doesn't think he should stick around now that he's decided he's going.” And it was hard for him to go too. Callan knew that, in his own way, Charlie loved Dow Tech and what it represented to him. Callan knew that better than Merrie.

“So who are you thinking of for the job? Someone on the outside, or within the company?” she asked him, sounding pensive, trying to think if she knew anyone for him, but she didn't offhand.

“Outside actually.” Sitting at his desk, he was smiling, but she couldn't see it. “I wanted to see what you thought of my idea.”

“Do I know them?” She sounded interested. She had a maternal interest in Dow Tech now, and was touched that he had called her to advise him.

“Intimately, actually. In fact, I think this person is the ideal replacement for Charlie.”

“I'm dying of curiosity, Cal,” she said, smiling. “Who is it?”

“Go look in the mirror, Merrie,” he said softly, and there was a long pause as she absorbed what he was saying to her.

“What does that mean?” She sounded startled.

“I'd like you to be our new CFO, Meredith. You're exactly what this company needs … and what I need. You have the same kind of vision I do, the same goals for the company. You know everything there is to know about this business. And I've shared all my secrets and future plans with you. Merrie, you're perfect.” At first, she thought he was kidding. At least she hoped so. It was very flattering, but there was no way she could do it. She already had a job, a home, and a husband, and there was no way she could leave New York now. What would Steve do?

“That's the nicest thing anyone's said to me in years, Cal.” She hated to turn him down, but she knew she had to. “But you know I can't do it.”

“Why not?” He didn't sound as though he were going to take no for an answer. “Of course you can do it, if you want to.” And he sounded as though he was going to be insulted if she didn't.

“I'm an investment banker, Cal. And I really don't know enough about your business to be an effective CFO. As impossible as he is, Charlie knows a hell of a lot more about it than I do. What's more, I'm a partner in my firm, and I have a husband who works here. I can't just drop everything and move to California.”

“People do it all the time, Meredith, and you know it. They change careers, jobs, fields, that's what life is all about, changing and growing. You'd be terrific at it. And what's more, you're heading for a dead end where you are, and you know that too. It's written all over the walls there. They don't appreciate you, they don't have any concept of how extraordinary you are, but I do. You would be invaluable to me here. And if you want me to be crass about it, you'd make a hell of a lot more money. This could be a great thing for you. And Steve could get a job here. We have trauma units here. SF General has one of the best in the country. Does that answer all your objections?” She was overwhelmed for a moment as she listened.

“Some of them. But I can't just make a decision like that at the drop of a hat. I'd have to discuss it with Steve. He has a great job here.”

“As the number-two man. Maybe he could be the number-one guy here. Why don't you talk to him about it?”

“And say what? That I'm giving up a career I've spent twelve years on, and I want him to drop everything too, and follow me out there? Cal, this is an enormous decision.” She sounded breathless as she answered. He had really stunned her.

“I know that, Meredith. I didn't expect you to do it lightly. But as your friend, I can tell you that I think it would be the best thing that ever happened to you. Why don't you come out this week and talk to me about it?”

“I can't,” she said, sounding panicked. It was the first time he had ever heard her sound ruffled.

“Why not?” He was relentless when there was something he wanted, and she felt as though there were an express train heading toward her. There were reasons why Callan Dow had been so successful. When he wanted something, he pursued it, until he got it.

“I have meetings this week,” she said weakly.

“Then come next week, or this weekend. But let's at least discuss it.”

“I know the job, Cal. I know the company. I know you. That's not the problem. You don't need to woo me. But I have a life here.”

“You'd have a better life here. Do you want me to speak to Steve about it?”

“No, I'll talk to him myself. But he's going to think I'm crazy, or you are.” She sounded worried, but he seemed euphoric, which scared her. He didn't want to listen to her very sensible objections.

“Maybe I am crazy, but it's the best idea I've had in years. I think Charlie McIntosh did me a great big favor.”

“I think he turned my life upside down is what he did,” she said, laughing, catching her breath finally. Cal was amazing.

“Will you consider it at least? Talk to Steve and see what he thinks. He's a smart guy, from what you tell me. It could just be he'll see this as a tremendous opportunity, which it is. Meredith, I'd be willing to give you options to acquire up to one percent of the company, and I could pay you a lot more than they do.” There was no question about it, with the stock options he was talking about, the offer was very tempting. But they still had a life in New York, and Steve's job to consider. Palo Alto was a long way from Manhattan, and everything they had and knew there.

“Cal, your offer is incredible. But I just don't know. I don't think it would be easy for Steve to leave the trauma unit. I hate to even ask him to do it. It's just not fair to him.”

“And if the shoe were on the other foot, and he were getting the fantastic offer, which involved moving, would you go?” He was putting her feet to the fire and she knew it.

“He wouldn't ask me to, Cal. He's too decent to do that.”

“It's not a matter of decency, Merrie, this is business, big business, and a chance to make some real money for both of you, and have a good life here.”

“I'll talk to Steve,” she said finally, “but don't get your hopes up. I have to respect the fact that he has a good job here, and might not want to relocate. You probably need to find someone right there in California, maybe someone right in the company that you're not thinking of at the moment.”

“No one in my outfit can hold a candle to you, Merrie. Even Charlie suggested that I talk to you. He was very impressed by you. Come on. … I need you. … You can't let me down now, not after everything we've just done together. This is my baby, Merrie, and a little bit yours too. Don't you want to help me make it even better than it is now?”

“Stop guilt-tripping me,” she said laughing, “you're terrible!”

“I just want you to come out here to talk to me about this. The sooner the better. Will you come out this week, Merrie?”

“Let me talk to Steve about it. He's at the hospital but he'll be home on Wednesday. I don't want to talk to him about this on the phone.”

“I don't want to wait that long. Go see him. You could come out on Wednesday.”

“And what am I supposed to say to my partners?” She sounded flustered again at the prospect of dropping everything and running out to California to discuss a new job with Callan. This was beginning to sound scary. But intriguing.

“Tell them you need a vacation. You've earned it.”

“I hate to lie to them, Cal.”

“Oh for chrissake, then tell them the truth, that they don't appreciate you, and don't know their asses from a hole in the ground when it comes to treating you right, and they don't deserve to have you, I do. So you're coming out to California to see me.”

“They'll really love that, Cal.”

“It's the truth, you know, Merrie. And they know it too. Now go talk to your husband at the hospital, and call me tonight.”

“Don't push me.”

“I will push you till you agree to come out here, to talk to me at least. You owe yourself that much.”

“I owe my husband a lot too, Cal. I can't just rip his career out by the roots and tell him to find a job in California, because it suits me. He may just tell me to forget it.”

“Not if he's the guy you say he is. I think he may surprise you.”

And as it so happened, he did, when Meredith met him that night in the cafeteria at nine o'clock to report the conversation to him. She felt half crazy telling him about it, but as she stumbled along, explaining what Cal had offered her, Steve looked at her intensely.

“Is that what you want, Merrie?” he asked her bluntly.

“I don't know what I want, sweetheart,” she said honestly. “It's a hell of a good offer, and his company is very exciting. But we have a life here. I've been where I am for twelve years, and I love being a partner in an investment banking firm that's a major player on Wall Street. And you have a great job here. I don't think it's fair to ask you to just walk out on all that, and move to California.”

“Why not, if it's better for both of us in the long run? We might like it out there.” The thought had crossed his mind almost immediately that if he could get her away from Wall Street, she might finally want to have children. And California would be a great place to raise a family.

“Would you really be willing to move out there?” She looked startled by what Steve was saying to her.

“Maybe. If I can find a job, and I don't see why I couldn't. People shoot each other in California too. They even have gangs there,” he said, smiling. He had taken it a lot better than she'd expected him to. He even seemed enthusiastic about it, possibly even more than she was. She was still very nervous about it. It was a big change for her, into a whole new career, although Cal's offer was undeniably very tempting. “Why don't you go talk to him at least?”

“That's what he said.” She still seemed hesitant, but Steve didn't. He was excited for her.

“I think you should do that. When did he want you to come out?”

“Maybe Wednesday. I have a meeting with a new client tomorrow.”

“So go. And if you love it, I'll fly out to meet you on Friday. I'm off again this weekend.”

“How'd you manage that?” She looked intrigued, and touched by how open he was to Cal's offer. It was obvious Steve wanted what was best for her, and he was willing to make sacrifices himself, even big ones, to help her achieve that.

“I sold my soul to get the weekend for us, Merrie. Sounds like it was lucky I did. Maybe we can talk to some hospitals while I'm out there. He must have some connections. And I know a couple of guys at Stanford. They trained here.”

“You're incredible, baby,” she said, reaching across the table to hold his hand. He was even more wonderful than she had told Cal he was.

“So are you. So go home and call him.”

“I can call him tomorrow.” But in the end, she didn't. She called him as soon as she walked into the apartment, and he was thrilled to hear her.

“So what did Steve say?”

“He wants me to come out and see you. He's incredible. He isn't even opposed to relocating.”

“That's because he's smart and knows a good deal when he hears it. And besides, he loves you.”

“I love him too. He has to be the most decent man alive to be willing to do this. He said that if I want him to, he'll fly out to meet me over the weekend, and take a look around. He knows some guys at Stanford.”

“I can help you with that, Merrie. I know plenty of people in hospitals. He can have any job he wants here. And you can be my CFO, and we'll all live happily ever after.”

“You make it sound so simple,” but they both knew it wasn't. It wasn't easy to transplant two careers across a country, or maybe he was right, and it wasn't as complicated as she thought. She didn't know what to think now. The obstacles that had seemed so huge to her at first seemed to be dissolving one by one, and she really had to decide now if this was what she wanted. But before she could make that decision, she had to talk to Cal.

“It can be simple, if you want it to be, Meredith. If it's right, it will be,” he said confidently. “So when are you coming out? What about tomorrow?”

“I have to meet a new client,” she reminded him.

“With any luck at all, you could be wasting his time. At least I hope so.”

“We don't know that yet, do we?” she said firmly. She still had responsibilities to her partners in New York, and she had to respect that. “What about Wednesday? I could spend three days out there with you, if you like. The rest of my week is pretty open.”

“That sounds perfect.” He sounded delighted about it, and she was too. Everything was happening so fast it was a little bit terrifying. “I'll pick you up at the airport, just let me know when you're coming.”

“Are you sure you're not making a huge mistake, Cal? Just because we did a successful IPO together doesn't mean I'd make a good CFO for you.” She had never done anything like it. But she knew a lot about Dow Tech and she loved it.

“Trust me, Meredith. I know what I'm doing. One thing I do know is talent when I see it, and I haven't been as impressed in years. If I'd known you'd even consider it, I'd have kissed Charlie when he resigned. This is the biggest favor anyone's ever done me.”

“Well, don't get too excited. Let's talk first.”

“We'll do lots of that, I promise. Ask me anything you want to know when you get here, Merrie. I have no secrets from you.” She loved that about him. He was an honest man, with integrity and a brilliant mind. It was a terrific combination, and she already knew they worked well together. But still, it was an enormous decision, and she couldn't let Steve risk his career for her either. She had to look out for his best interests, even if he was inclined to be kind to her. She wanted him to be happy too, that was vital to her. “I can't wait to see you,” Cal added.

“I didn't think I'd see you again this soon.” She laughed. This was all so new and so unexpected. She had never dreamed anything like this would happen as a result of his public offering and their road show. It seemed almost providential to her. But she was still worried about it. She wanted to make the right decision for all of them, and it was an awesome responsibility to do that.

“I was afraid I'd have to start another company just so I could take it public and see you again. This is great news, Merrie. And you and I do such great work together.”

“We do, don't we,” she smiled. She was still so pleased with how his stock was doing. “Well, let's see what happens when I come out to California.”

“I'm going to start burning candles, Meredith … or doing rain dances or something. I'm going to do my damnedest to talk you into this. I hope you know that.”

“I kind of suspected you might,” she laughed again. He wasn't the kind of man to take no for an answer. But she was also very grateful to her husband for letting her go out there, he was being incredibly generous to encourage her to do it, especially if it represented a sacrifice to him, which was entirely possible. But for her sake, he was willing to chance that, and she loved him all the more for it.

“See you on Wednesday,” Cal said cheerily as they hung up, and after they did, Meredith sat silently in her living room, staring at the phone, and wondering what would happen in California.

Chapter 9

THE FLIGHT TO California on Wednesday went easily, and Cal was waiting for Meredith at the gate, as she came off the plane carrying the familiar briefcase. He was standing to one side, watching for her, and his face broke into a broad smile the moment he saw her.

“I had a moment of panic while I was standing here. I suddenly wondered if you had changed your mind, and were too chicken to call me.”

“I wouldn't do a thing like that,” she said with a look of surprise, as he took the heavy briefcase from her.

“I know. I used to feel like that when I was a kid too. I was always afraid my father would lose the tickets to the circus. He never did, but I always worried about it.”

“Well, I'm here.” She had done a lot of thinking on the way out, and she still didn't see how she could expect Steve to leave his job in the trauma unit. She was more concerned about him than about what Cal would offer. She knew how solid his company was, and he had already told her about the stock options he would give her. But Steve was still her principal worry. “I can't believe I did this,” she said, still feeling stunned by his entire proposition, and Steve's willingness to let her explore it.

“I should have thought of it before. It just never occurred to me that Charlie would quit.” He was still a little concerned that it would create problems with his shareholders, but there was nothing in Charlie's contract that said he couldn't do that. It would only have been a violation if he'd left during the road show, and Charlie knew that, which was why he had waited till they got back to California. “Meredith, if you do this, it could be the most important decision of your career. And I don't think you'd ever regret it. If I were just your friend, and not involved here, I would tell you you'd be very foolish if you didn't do it.”

“I know. It's just such a big change. Not only a change in careers, but moving to California is a big decision.”

“I know you're worried about Steve,” he said, as they picked up her bag at the baggage claim, “but there are great hospitals out here. I've already made some contacts at SF General for him. And you told me he has friends at Stanford. And there's a UC hospital in the city, and a very good trauma hospital in Oakland. There are a lot of options out here for him. This could be very exciting for him.” But the one who was most excited was Cal. On the way back to his office in Palo Alto, he talked endlessly about how important she would be to him. And Meredith was as enamored of the idea as he was. From a purely business standpoint, it was the opportunity of a lifetime.

At two o'clock that afternoon, they hadn't even stopped for lunch yet. They'd been talking for three hours, and his secretary finally brought them each a sandwich. Both he and Meredith had the same kind of work ethic, the same drive and passion about their work, their love for what they did was not only creative, it was almost obsessive. And they spent the rest of the afternoon talking about new diagnostic tools and new products.

“Meredith,” he said, looking intensely at her late in the afternoon. “I can't do this without you.”

“Yes, you can,” she said quietly, but she had loved everything she had heard since eleven o'clock that morning.

“The point is, I don't want to. I want you here to share all this with me.”

“And the truth is,” she sighed, “I want to be here. But I don't know if I have a right to do it.” She felt incredibly torn between an important career decision, and her personal life. She was still worried about Steve, no matter how good Cal said the local hospitals could be for him. He was already firmly entrenched where he was, as the number-two man in an internationally known trauma unit. And there was no question in either of their minds that he would be the number-one man someday, and probably sooner rather than later. Harvey Lucas had been talking about retiring from trauma work and going into research for years, and Steve had been convinced recently that Lucas was getting closer to it. He was tired, he'd had problems with his heart, and the trauma unit was getting to be too much for him. There was a high burnout rate in trauma, you just couldn't live with that kind of pressure forever. “I have to give Steve a chance to think about this seriously,” she said to Cal. “He's a major factor in this decision.”

“I'll find him a job if I have to, Meredith. I don't want to lose you.”

“You don't have me yet,” she said with a tired smile. She wanted this as badly as he did. She loved his company, and she knew that they worked well together, and she thought that she could do some important things for him, given the right opportunities. He had convinced her. The only real problem was Steve now. She didn't even feel as guilty about leaving her investment banking firm. Cal was right, she realized, they didn't really appreciate her. And if she hadn't hit the glass ceiling yet, she knew she was damn close to it. But at Dow Tech, as Cal said, the sky was the limit.

“What do you think, Merrie? Will you do it?” He had tried not to pressure her all afternoon, but it was hard to hold back. He just wanted her to take the job so badly.

They had also met with Charlie McIntosh that afternoon, and she was surprised that even he encouraged her to take the job. Given the direction the company was taking now, he thought she'd be very good for them. “You won't regret it, if you come out here,” he said, sounding more like an old friend than the thorn in her side he'd been for the entire road show. “And you already know the company, Meredith. There won't be a lot of surprises here for you. Besides,” he smiled at her benevolently, “Cal is a great guy, and a pleasure to work for.” He treated him more like a son or a nephew than the CEO of the company that employed him.

“I've never worked for a publicly held company, and I just don't want to start now. I'm too old to start worrying about shareholders, and whether or not the stock market is going up or down and taking us with it. But you two are young enough to enjoy it.” He seemed relieved by his decision. “I hope you take the job, Meredith,” he urged, and she didn't feel so much pressured as wanted and appreciated. Here, she really was needed.

Cal invited her to dinner that night but she said she wanted some time to herself, to do some serious thinking. She had room service bring her scrambled eggs, and she called Steve at the hospital, and was lucky to find him.

“So how's it going?”

“Great, unfortunately.” She sounded tormented. She had been weighing the pros and cons all night, and she felt more confused than ever. One part of her wanted to leap at the chance, and the other told her that she owed it to Steve to stay in New York and stick with what she was doing. She felt guilty even putting the possibility out there for discussion. But she had come this far, and now she had to. “It looks terrific. And I think I'd love it here, or the job at least. I have no idea what living in California would be like. The job is the real draw for me. But what about you, sweetheart? What do you really think about this?”

“I think it's something you really have to look at,” he said fairly. “That's why I told you I thought you should go out there.”

“But what about you? If I take this job, what will you do?”

“Find another trauma unit,” he said simply. He didn't sound as emotionally invested in the decision as she did, which surprised her.

“But what if you don't like what's out here?” Where he was was state of the art, and in a far bigger city than San Francisco. In many ways certainly, San Francisco seemed very provincial. You really couldn't compare the two cities, although Cal said that the quality of life would be better in California. But both she and Steve had had a love affair with New York since they'd gone to college.

“Do you want me to come out and take a look?” Steve asked sensibly. “I think that's the only way we'll be able to make the decision, don't you? I'll catch a plane tomorrow after work, take a look around, and see who I can talk to in the trauma units out there. Maybe I can take Monday off too, and then at least we'll know what we're talking about.”

“Baby, I love you,” Meredith said with tears in her eyes. He was always committed to make things easier for her, not only in small ways, but in some very big ones. “It would mean a lot to me if you'd come, Steve.”

“Good. Then I'll do it. Besides, I want to take a good look at this guy and make sure he's not too good looking before I let you take the job. I'm not sure about all this stuff about Gary Cooper.” He was only half kidding and she knew it. But Steve knew he had nothing to worry about. They had a solid, happy life together, and nothing could jeopardize that, for either of them. She was certain of it.

“That's not what appeals to me about the job,” she said easily. “It's just such a great company, and he's a good person to work with. He's got integrity, tremendous energy, and some fantastic ideas for the future. I think he's going to triple the size and impact of the company in the next two years, not to mention the profits.”

“Then you should give it some very serious thought, Merrie. I'll be there tomorrow night. Just tell me where to meet you.”

“Let me know your flight, and I'll pick you up at the airport. And Steve …” She hesitated for only a fraction of a second, loving him more than she ever had, because he wanted the best for her. He was astoundingly unselfish, and such a decent person, it was part of what she had always loved about him. That and the fact that he was smart, had a great sense of humor, worked like a dog, really cared about what he was doing, and had the best body she'd ever seen, and she still found him incredibly sexy. It was an unbeatable combination, no matter how different their jobs were. And besides, she liked that part. It stimulated both of them that their careers were so different. “Thank you, baby, you don't know what this means to me,” she said gently.

“Listen, maybe this will be the best thing that ever happened to us. Maybe we'll even decide to have kids in California.” She made no comment and he didn't push it. She felt she had enough to think about, just worrying about his job and Cal's company, without adding babies to it. And as she hung up the phone, she felt as though an irresistible force were propelling her forward, almost as though this had been meant to happen. It frightened her a little bit, but it was also incredibly stimulating.

She spent all of Thursday with Cal again, following him to meetings, and talking to key employees. She had a better sense of his organization and staff than she'd ever had before, and so far she still liked everything about it. She checked in with her office that afternoon, but nothing much was happening, and they had no idea what she was doing. She had told them that she had to go away to attend to family business.

“Would you like to come to dinner at the house tonight?” Cal asked as they wrapped up at six o'clock. Everyone else was gone, and she noticed that most people didn't work as late as they did in New York. It was never unusual to see people working till nine or ten o'clock in her office, and sometimes considerably later. But as Cal had pointed out to her from the first, the quality of life in California was considerably different. People seemed to care more about their health, their personal lives, their time off. And after work, they went home, or out to play tennis, or work out. It seemed a healthier, happier, more well-balanced existence. In New York, the people she met in the business world looked as though they existed under a flat rock, they were pale and tired and stressed, and most of the time looked frantic and unhealthy. This was certainly very different.

“I'd love to come to dinner, but I have to pick Steve up at nine,” she explained. “I don't want to screw up your dinner.” They exchanged a smile, they already had an easy, close, comfortable working relationship. After the time they'd spent on the road, and now here exploring the intricacies of his company, it was almost like being married.

“I was going to have dinner with the kids early anyway. Do you want me to drive you?”

“You don't have to do that. I'll take a cab, and we'll go back to the hotel and talk.” Cal had made an appointment for him at SF General for the next day, and another at the hospital he'd mentioned in Oakland. And she knew that Steve had called his friends at Stanford. He was going to have a busy day on Friday, while she went out to meet some important clients with Cal, he said he wanted her to meet them. Meanwhile, they had heard that day that his stock had gone up further. It had skyrocketed in the week it had been on the market. Everything was coming up roses for him, particularly if he could get Meredith to join his company.

“Why don't you come home with me, and I'll barbecue some hamburgers and hot dogs?” It was the other side of his life that always intrigued her, it was so out of sync with the business genius she saw in him, and the young high-tech tycoon that the rest of the world saw. The thought of him barbecuing in his backyard amused her.

“Okay, I'll come,” she agreed, “if you don't think your kids will mind.” She still remembered the cool reception she'd gotten from them on her earlier visit.

“They'll be fine,” he assured her. And they were, for the most part. Andy remembered her and shook her hand with a smile this time. He even remembered that her husband was a doctor. And Julie was cool to her, but politer this time, she even asked how their trip had gone, and told her that her father had brought her a really great sweater from Paris. Meredith didn't tell her that she had helped to pick it out, but she was secretly pleased that the child had liked it. Mary Ellen was still the only holdout. She looked irritated as soon as she saw Meredith get out of the car with her father, and disappeared upstairs to her room moments after. She came back downstairs again for dinner, but only long enough to pick at half a hamburger and then say that she had to go back up to do her homework. But she had looked startled, and not particularly pleased when Meredith mentioned that she'd met her mom in London. If anything, it seemed to make Mary Ellen more suspicious of her.

“She doesn't get along terribly well with her mother,” Cal explained after the kids left the table they'd set in the backyard. He and Meredith were drinking coffee by then, and the pleasant young housekeeper who took care of the kids as well had cleared the table. Cal said he'd had her for years and she was a godsend. “I think Charlotte feels some kind of rivalry with Mary Ellen, now that she's getting older, and she's hard on her. Mary Ellen just thinks she's mean. And she took it the hardest when Charlotte left. She was six then, and it wasn't easy for her.” Meredith felt sorry for the girl suddenly. Even though she wasn't particularly welcoming, or even polite at times, she had obviously suffered, and maybe as a result, she was suspicious of women. Charlotte didn't look like anyone's dream mother.

They talked about business again then and the children never reappeared. When Cal went for a swim, Meredith watched him. He had a long powerful body, and said he'd been on the swimming team in college. He looked a lot younger than his fifty-one years, and there was no denying that he was very attractive. But Meredith was anxious to see Steve, and when it was time for her to leave to pick him up, Cal called her a cab, and renewed his offer to take her. But Meredith insisted that she wanted to take a taxi, and Cal didn't want to force himself on them. They had a lot to talk about, and he didn't want to push it.

He invited them to dinner the following night, and Meredith accepted and told him that Steve was anxious to meet him. She didn't tell him why, that Steve was minimally nervous about him, because for the most part she thought Steve was teasing about it. But she did think it was important, for a variety of reasons, that Steve meet him. And she trusted Steve's insights and opinions. She suspected, and hoped, that the two men would like each other, and she respected each of them, though for different reasons.

When she met Steve at the gate, he came off in wrinkled khaki pants and a shirt that looked like it had never been ironed, and he was still wearing the clogs he wore at work. He had come straight from the hospital to the airport. And the old tweed jacket he'd brought had holes in both elbows. It was like watching a kid come home from boarding school, and wondering what he'd done with the decent clothes you'd sent with him.

“Why on earth did you bring that jacket?” she asked. She had hidden it, two years before, at the back of the hall closet. But no matter what she did with it, he always seemed to find it. And she'd never had the courage to just give it away. She'd done that with a favorite pair of pants of his once, and she'd never heard the end of it.

But she couldn't believe he had actually brought this relic to San Francisco.

“What's wrong with it?” He looked amazed by her question. “We're not going to a black tie dinner, are we?”

“No, but we're having dinner at Callan Dow's tomorrow night. I hope you brought another jacket.” It was the kind of conversation married people have, which to others always sounds so stupid.

“Don't worry about it. Guys understand these things. It has personality, and history.” He hated new clothes, and he could never understand why she thought his pants should be pressed. He spent so much of his life in wrinkled scrubs that to him, the rest was no different. He was immaculately clean, but everything he owned was always wrinkled.

“I think that little speech about personality and history means you didn't bring another jacket, right?”

“Correcto.” He grinned at her and leaned over to kiss her as they picked up his single bag, which felt like it had bricks in it.

“My God, what did you bring? A bowling ball?”

“No,” he grinned, “some reading.” He never went anywhere without a stack of new medical books he felt he had to read in order to stay current. In truth, it was all he cared about. Steve was a brilliant doctor, but no clothes horse. Unlike Cal, who was incomparable in his own field, but always looked impeccable and very elegant. The two men couldn't have been more different. “So how's it going? Anything new today?” Steve looked happy to be there, which pleased her.

“No, it's better than ever,” she beamed at him, and talked animatedly about Cal's company all the way back to the hotel in the cab. And then they sat in their room and talked till long after midnight.

She left Steve at the hotel the next day. She was going to meet clients with Cal, and Steve had rented a car to go to his assorted appointments. She had suggested he use a car and driver, which wasn't his style. He had gotten a couple of maps from the place where he'd rented the car, and said he was sure he could find the hospitals where he was going. Meredith kissed him when she left, and promised to meet him at the hotel at the end of the day. She wished him luck and rushed off to Dow Tech to meet Callan.

It was another extraordinary day with him. They visited three of his most important customers, and had a tour of one of the hospitals where his diagnostic equipment was in greatest use. It was a fascinating afternoon for her, and Cal was pleased with her reaction. And when she left him at the end of the day, he reminded her to be at his house at seven thirty. “I can't wait to meet Steve, I feel like we're already old friends,” he said warmly. She had talked about him so much during the due diligence tour that he honestly did feel as though he knew him.

And when Meredith met Steve back at the hotel, he looked relaxed and sounded surprisingly enthusiastic. He had been impressed with all three hospitals he'd seen, and had been given a referral to a fourth one that handled only the most extreme trauma cases. They had a helipad, and apparently ran a trauma unit very similar to the one where he worked, and he could hardly wait to visit it on Monday. He already had an appointment with the director. The hospitals where he'd been had been interesting, and very interested in him, but they had no openings that were suitable for him, although they'd been very impressed with his credentials, and they promised to keep him in mind if anything came up. But he was too senior and too experienced for them to offer him less than the top job and none of theirs was open. He said he could have been happy in any one of them, but he had his hopes pinned on the one in the East Bay that he was visiting on Monday.

“So what are you thinking?” She smiled at him, they had both had a good day, and she could see that he was very positive about it.

“I'm thinking that I love San Francisco,” he beamed at her. “The city is a little jewel, and the people are so nice here. It's not like New York, they don't all look like they think you're about to mug them. Even in the trauma units, people seem pretty relaxed here. The one in Oakland was a little dicey, but they'd just gotten six guys in with gunshot wounds two minutes before I got there. To be honest with you, I love it, Merrie. I can see why it appeals to you.” She suddenly felt as though a whole new life was opening up for them, and there was something very exciting about it. The one problem was that they had no job for him, yet, but there was still the hospital in the East Bay that he was going to see on Monday, and they had sounded hopeful, but they didn't want to commit to anything on the phone. He had faxed them his C.V., but they still had to meet him.

“Where would you want to live?” he asked her casually, as though the decision had already been made, or at least as though they were closer to it. “In the city or out here? I actually like it out here, and I wouldn't mind commuting.”

“It would be easier for me out here, but that's up to you. You have to go back and forth to work at crazier hours than I do, and a lot more often.”

“We'll see. I kind of like the idea of a house in the suburbs, and,” he paused dramatically, searching her eyes cautiously for a reaction, “I think this would be a great place to bring up kids, a lot better than New York. And you wouldn't be under the gun the way you are there, you wouldn't have to do any more due diligence tours, or hopefully work till midnight. This might be the right time, and the right place, to do it.” He almost held his breath as he waited for her to answer, and she paused for a long minute, seeming to weigh what he'd been saying.

“Maybe,” was all she finally came up with. But she didn't want to get into that discussion with him. Not yet anyway. There were still a lot of other factors to think of.

“That's it?” he said, looking mildly disappointed, “just ‘maybe’? I think if we're ever going to do it, Merrie, it would be great here. What better life than to be a kid in California?”

“To be a kid with other parents,” she smiled at him, and then seemed to relax a little bit. It always made her feel tense when they talked about having children. But she had to admit, it might not be so bad here.

They were both in good spirits when they set out for Cal's house at seven fifteen, and they arrived promptly at seven thirty. He was waiting for them in the garden, next to the pool, with margaritas and caviar. The kids had just gotten out of the pool, and he looked relaxed and as handsome as usual in a perfectly pressed blue shirt, and beige gabardine slacks, with his bare feet in Gucci loafers. Steve was wearing an old striped shirt and the threadbare tweed jacket that she hated, and she wished she had had the forethought to pack his bag for him before she left for California. Next time, she vowed to herself as the two men shook hands, and greeted each other. Cal was telling him how much he had looked forward to meeting him, after everything he'd heard about him from Meredith during their time together.

“Your wife is a one-man band on your behalf, Steve. I hope you know that. She never stopped talking about you.” It was the right thing to say, and Steve seemed pleased, as he looked Cal over.

The conversation was relaxed and moved with ease as they discussed a variety of subjects, and eventually Cal asked him about the hospitals he'd seen, and they wound up talking about Cal's high-tech diagnostic equipment. Steve gave him a critical assessment of it, praised two of Cal's machines inordinately, and gave him some interesting insights and pointers from a physician's standpoint. And Cal looked pleased by what he was hearing from him.

They moved inside to the dining room after an hour, and Cal served a Mouton-Rothschild Bordeaux that impressed Steve no end. And at eleven o'clock they were still talking over brandy. It was nearly midnight when they left, and Meredith had the impression that the evening had gone well. Both men seemed to have liked each other.

“What did you think of him?” she asked in the car on the way back to the hotel as Steve drove. She was interested in Steve's assessment of him.

“He's a hell of a bright guy. And you're right, he's good looking of course, but you forget about it after a while. He's got so many innovative ideas, and there's so much he wants to do, you kind of get caught up in his head and forget the fancy clothes and the movie star looks. I can see why you like him.” And then he smiled sheepishly at his wife. “I'm sorry about the jacket, Merrie. I'll bring a better one next time.”

“Who cares?” She smiled at the man she loved. She was so proud of him and loved him so much, and she was glad he had liked Cal. And she was a little stunned by what he said next. “I think you ought to take the job. I don't think you'll ever forgive yourself if you don't. You'd always wonder what might have happened if you'd come out here. Baby, you've got to do it.”

“You're amazing. What about you?”

“I'll find something. There's plenty of work. They just have to make room for me.” And he felt sure they would, in time. “Right now, this job for you is the main thing. I want you to be happy.” There were tears in her eyes as he said it. He was so good to her, and so kind, and so generous of spirit.

“I'm not making any decisions until we know where things stand for you. This involves both of us, not just me, no matter how altruistic you are about it.”

“Let's see what happens on Monday. And in the meantime, let's have a good time this weekend.” Cal had offered to tour them around the next day, but Steve had told him they wanted to discover the city on their own, and they had agreed to come over on Sunday afternoon to swim, and have dinner with him with his kids. And Cal had promised to do a barbecue for them. But Steve and Meredith were looking forward to spending time in the city before that.

On Saturday, they went to Marin, and crossed the Golden Gate Bridge with the top down on their rented convertible. They had lunch in Sausalito and wandered around in the shops, and they had dinner at Scoma's. The view was spectacular, and afterward they drove around San Francisco, and wound up at Fisherman's Wharf for an Irish coffee. He took her to the Top of the Mark at midnight just to see the view, and then they went back to the Peninsula, and talked about what they'd seen of the city. Cal had told them that Pacific Heights would be the place for them to live, and they had driven through it, with its neat rows of pretty Victorians and brick houses and colorful stuccos. Everything looked tidy and neat and clean, and the streets were immaculate. And Steve had fallen in love with the city.

On Sunday morning, they visited the Stanford campus, and then strolled through Palo Alto. They were both overwhelmed by what they'd seen and how much they'd liked it. They arrived at Cal's on Sunday afternoon and joined everyone at the pool. Steve was playing Marco Polo in the water with Cal's children, as Meredith chatted with Callan.

“I think you've made a convert,” Meredith said softly as they watched him. “He loves San Francisco.”

“And you, Merrie?”

“I love your company, and the work.” She smiled at him. She would have been happy at the north pole with a job like the one he was offering, and they both knew it.

“You're a workaholic, like I am. We're hopeless.”He glanced at her husband playing with his children and smiled back at her. “He's a nice guy, Merrie. You were right. And I hear he's a damn good doctor.” He had made some polite inquiries before recommending him at the hospitals where he'd sent him. “How's the job front looking?”

“Nothing yet. No one has an opening for him, but he doesn't seem too panicked about it. He's got an interview in the East Bay on Monday.”

“I hope it works out,” Cal said fervently, and meant every word of it. He was more desperate than ever to have her come out and join him. The past three days had confirmed to him everything he'd thought about her.

“So do I,” she said quietly, as Steve threw the ball to Mary Ellen and she squealed with pleasure. As cautious as the children had been around Meredith, they seemed to have no trouble opening up to her husband. But she had never been very comfortable around children, and they sensed that.

It was an easy afternoon for them, and Steve and Cal and Meredith got into long, interesting discussions that night, mostly about politics and their effect on business. Steve had his own pet peeves in what related to medicine, and they exchanged points of view for hours, and when they left, Cal wished him luck the next day at his interview, and told Merrie he'd see her in the morning.

She was in Cal's office with him when Steve called at noon, and he sounded exhilarated.

“What's up?” she asked, sounding distracted. They'd been going over some projections for the next quarter.

“I thought you might like some news.”

“What's that?” she asked, smiling, as Cal watched her intently.

“I have a job. And so do you, I suspect. They want me on January first. The head of trauma here is leaving, and if my references check out, which they should, if they call Lucas, I'll be their new head of trauma. How does that sound?”

“Wow!” Her eyes met Cal's as she said it. “Congratulations, sweetheart!” She was nearly speechless. It was all falling into place with so little effort. It was as though it was meant to be. It was obviously kismet.

“The same to you. Are you going to tell Cal you'll take it?”

“What do you think?” she asked cryptically. She wanted to be sure it was really all right with him if she did it. But now they both had great new jobs to come to, and it lifted a ten-ton weight off her shoulders. She was free now to take the job Cal was offering her and that she wanted so badly.

“I think if you don't tell him you'll take it, I will. Go for it, sweetheart. You deserve it.”

“Thank you, Steve,” she said, feeling grateful and happy and relieved all at once. She was still smiling when she hung up the phone a few minutes later. And Cal was watching her with a worried expression.

“That sounded hopeful.”

“Better than that.” She beamed at him. “He got the job.” Cal's face broke into a broad smile, he was as relieved as she was.

“Where does that leave us, Merrie?”

“Where would you like it to leave us?” she asked directly, her eyes never leaving his for an instant. It was like dancing with Fred Astaire again, they were perfectly synchronized, their minds always working together.

“I'd like it to leave you as the new CFO of Dow Tech. Will you do it?”

She nodded slowly. She was sure now. It was almost like getting married, a huge step, and an important commitment. “Yes, I will, if that's what you want.”

“You know I do, Meredith.” He held out his hand then and shook hers. “Is it a deal?”

“It is. I can't believe this has happened.” And it had all happened so quickly. Two weeks before, they'd been on a road show together, and now she was his employee and moving to California.

“Neither can I.” He went to the small wet bar in the anteroom to his office and took out a bottle of champagne and two glasses. And when he came back, he was smiling from ear to ear. “Let's celebrate. This is the best news I've had in years. Maybe ever.”

They toasted each other, and sat drinking champagne and talking for a while, and then they started talking about the details.

“How soon do you want me, Cal?” She knew that Charlie McIntosh had given him two weeks, but she assumed that he'd be willing to stay on for a while, particularly knowing now that she'd be coming out and would need a little time to tie things up at her end. Two weeks, if he'd stuck to it, would have meant the eighth of October, and there was no way she could do that. If nothing else, she had to give her firm a decent notice. She was thinking about a month, and she had to sell their New York apartment. And Steve had said they wanted him in the East Bay on the first of January. That sounded about right to her.

“No later than October fifteenth,” Cal answered calmly. And she laughed, thinking he was joking.

“Very funny. I'm serious. Steve has to be out here on January first. Maybe December fifteenth, or just after Christmas?”

“No way, Meredith.” The shrewd businessman she had seen in operation before had risen to the fore. He had to think of his own needs now, and Dow Tech's. He wasn't going to wait three months for her to come to California. “Charlie has already told me that he won't stay a single extra day, which is lousy of him, but that's Charlie. He can't wait to get out of here. He and his wife have already planned a two-month tour of Asia.’’

“Cal, there's no way I can be here in three weeks. That's crazy.” She was more than a little startled, and she didn't want to be out two and a half months before Steve, that wouldn't be fair to either one of them. But she also had to think of Dow Tech and Callan's needs.

“I can't function without a CFO. I'd really like you here two weeks from now when Charlie leaves. I could manage for a week without a CFO, but no longer. You've got to come out sooner. Steve can commute on weekends, or you can. I'm sorry, Merrie, I hate doing this to you. But I need you.” She liked that part of it, but she hated to tell Steve they'd have a bicoastal marriage till the end of the year. But Cal didn't seem to be willing to give her an inch on it. “I want to give you a signing bonus, of course. I assume you know that. I thought two hundred and fifty thousand dollars might soften the blow.” And how was she going to argue with that? Callan Dow knew what he was doing. “I'm going to give you an apartment here in Palo Alto for three months, at our expense of course, longer if you need it. That'll give you time to decide where you want to live, and to find a house you like.” He was doing more than she could possibly have asked for.

“It's all very generous, Cal. I'm just a little stunned that you want me out here so soon. I wasn't expecting that.” She still sounded worried about it, in spite of the on-signing bonus, which was more than generous, it was outstanding.

“I wasn't expecting Charlie to give me two weeks’ notice. I'm sorry to put pressure on you, Meredith, but the heat is on all of us. Shall we say the fifteenth?”

“I guess we have to. I'll just have to fly back to New York on weekends, when Steve's not working. He can come out midweek when he's off. We'll work it out,” but she was concerned about what Steve would say about it. She was meeting him at the hotel at four o'clock, and they were flying back to New York on a six o'clock flight.

Cal gave her a big hug when she left, and told her to call him if there was anything he could do to help, and she told him to call her if he needed any input from her before she got there, and he laughed at that.

“Are you kidding? I'll be following you around every ten minutes for the next three weeks, Meredith. I hope everything goes smoothly at your end.” He knew her partners were going to be upset, but as far as he was concerned, they deserved it. The one she was really worried about was her husband. It was going to be a tough two and a half months not living with each other, she wasn't looking forward to it, and she knew he wouldn't either.

But as usual, he surprised her. “If that's what it takes sweetheart, then so be it. You have to go for it now, it won't wait, and I'll be there before you know it.” Once again, she told him he was amazing.

They talked about it again on the plane, and Steve said he could take care of selling the apartment, and he reassured her that he was willing to fly out to San Francisco to see her whenever he had a few days’ break from the trauma unit.

“You know,” Steve confessed to her somewhere over the Rocky Mountains, with a glass of wine in his hand, “I liked Cal a lot more than I thought I would. From what you said,” he confessed, looking a little sheepish, “before that, I was a little jealous of him. But I think his motives are pure. I think he has enormous respect for you, but he's only interested in his business.” Meredith was happy to hear it, and she had always had the same impression. They had gotten very close to each other on the trip, but not in any way she had ever really worried about. They were good friends and devoted colleagues. “I like his kids too. They're nice. Too bad about their mother.” Meredith nodded, glancing out the window, and then she saw that Steve was looking at her with a gentle smile, and she suspected what was coming.

“Speaking of which, what do you think if, after you've been there for a while, a few months maybe, maybe six … we start thinking about a baby.” She'd be thirty-eight by then, and there was no denying that it was getting to be time, if that was what they decided they wanted. She had always said that if they had children, she wanted them before she was forty. And if they started pursuing a pregnancy in the next six months, she'd be thirty-nine when the baby came. Medically, Steve had always been uneasy about her starting their family any later.

“Why don't we see how things are going then?” she said vaguely. It was an old refrain he knew only too well. And he was disappointed by her answer.

“If we keep waiting to ‘see,’ I'll be ninety and we'll still be talking about it. Meredith, one of these days, you're going to have to bite the bullet.” He thought she was physically afraid of pregnancy and delivery and he wasn't entirely wrong, but she was far more afraid of the commitment a baby would require of her.

“Why do I have to bite the bullet?” she said, looking disturbed. She knew she owed him a lot after what he was willing to give up in New York, but she wasn't sure she wanted to make a baby part of the deal. In fact, she knew she didn't, and she didn't want to make false promises to him. All she wanted now was to help Cal expand his business. To her, that was a lot more exciting than having children.

“Cal seems to be able to manage a family on his own, and to run a business. I think you could do it too, Merrie. I'll help you.”

“I know you would,” she said, looking upset. “I just don't know what I want yet.”

“Maybe you never will until you just do it.”

“And then what? What if I hate it? What if it's just too much for me, if it screws up my career, or we decide we can't handle it with both our jobs? You can't send it back if you don't like it.”

“I can't imagine you not loving a baby,” he said gently.

“Kids scare me,” she said honestly. “I'm not like you. You're some kind of pied piper with them. They always look at me like the witch in Sleeping Beauty.” He laughed at the comparison and leaned over and kissed her.

“No kid of mine is going to think you're a witch. I promise.”

“We'll talk about it again when we get settled.” She dismissed the idea as summarily as she always had, for the past fourteen years, and turned her mind to other things. It always made her feel anxious to talk about having babies. ‘‘ When are you going to give them notice at the hospital?” She asked him the question as much to distract him from an awkward topic as because she wanted to know the answer.

“As soon as we get back, I guess. I want to give them three months’ notice. This way, I can be out West with you by Christmas.” It sounded perfect, except for the time they'd be commuting before that, but Steve had assured her it would go quickly, and she would certainly be busy. “What about you?” he asked.

“I'm going to tell them tomorrow.” She had stayed away an extra day, and she was beginning to wonder if they suspected something. “They're not going to like it.”

“Cal is right on that score. They deserve it. They don't appreciate you.”

But apparently, they appreciated her more than he or Cal thought they did. They were devastated when she told her partners the next morning. They couldn't believe it. Particularly when she told them she was leaving in three weeks for California. But after the initial shock, they were gracious about it, and gave her a very pleasant dinner the week before she left. It was hard to believe that a twelve-year-long chapter in her career was ending.

And as she sat in their apartment with Steve the night before she left, with open suitcases all around, she looked at her husband in amazement.

“It's like going off to college or something, isn't it? I still can't believe it.”

“Neither can I,” he admitted with a grin, “but I love it.” He had told the hospital he would be leaving and they were shocked, but happy for him. Lucas was particularly sorry about it, because he knew it meant that it would be at least another year before he could leave trauma for research. But they were already looking for someone to take Steve's place, although they had no prospects yet. And if they found someone soon enough, Steve had promised to train them. The one thing he had promised them was that he wouldn't leave until they had a replacement. And the hospital in California had agreed to go along with it, even if it delayed him slightly. They had been entirely reasonable about it.

Steve left for the hospital when she left for the airport the next day. It was a Sunday, and it had been an emotional week for her. She had left her office for the last time on Friday, and she was sorry to leave her friends there. There had been some tears, some warm good-byes, and a lot of good wishes. And as she turned to leave the apartment, she glanced around as though she was never coming back again, trying to remember what she'd forgotten.

“Take it easy, babe,” Steve said gently. “You'll be back next weekend.”

“I know. I guess I'm just a little nervous.”

“Don't be,” he reassured her. “Everything's going to be fine. It's going to be terrific.”

“I know,” she smiled at him, and closed the door behind them.

Chapter 10

THE JOB IN California was everything Meredith had hoped it would be. It was exciting, challenging, and working with Callan Dow was even better than she had expected. And professionally, it was the chance of a lifetime. They moved together in perfect harmony through meeting after meeting, and sat in each other's offices for hours, talking about new projects. Meredith finished every day exhilarated and excited.

And the furnished apartment he had rented for her was airy and spacious and pleasant. She called Steve as often as she could, to let him know what was happening in her life, but as always, it wasn't easy to get him. But when they did manage to speak, he was happy for her. He was even understanding when she told him she had too much work to get away and come back to New York over the first weekend. She was still trying to get through the stack of unfinished projects Charlie McIntosh had left her.

“I'm sorry, sweetheart,” she told him late Thursday night. She had been in California, and in the job, for four days, and she hadn't caught her breath yet.

“Don't worry about it. Maybe you can look at houses for us over the weekend.” They had agreed that since he'd be working in the East Bay, they would look for houses in the city. They would both have to commute that way, but it was an easier commute for Steve than if they lived in Palo Alto. It would have taken him two hours to get to work that way, which was just too much for him. The city was a good compromise for them, and Meredith had agreed to it.

“I'll look on Sunday,” she promised. And she had every intention of doing it, but by then, she was still buried in work, and sitting with stacks of it on the terrace of her apartment. Cal had invited her to come to dinner the night before, and she refused his offer and ate a sandwich while working. But when he called on Sunday afternoon, having gotten more work done by then, she relented.

She had an early dinner with him and the kids, and this time all of them were fairly pleasant to her. They were getting used to her, and after meeting Steve, even Mary Ellen finally believed that she wasn't their father's girlfriend.

Her second week at Dow Tech was even better than the first, and by midweek she was sure that she could get to New York for the weekend. But this time, it was Steve who called. Harvey Lucas was sick, and he had to cover for him. But Meredith wasn't as disappointed as he was. She had so much to do, she was grateful to be able to stay in Palo Alto again, and get more work done.

“We're not exactly winning gold stars on our commuting, are we?” Steve said, sounding mildly depressed about it. He was busy at work, but he missed her. It was sad coming home to the empty apartment at night, when he finally got off duty, and he felt like a kid who had no one to play with. It had been two weeks since he'd seen her.

But the real crunch came on her third weekend in California. They had promised each other that nothing would stand in their way this time. She had reservations on a flight to New York on Friday night, and on Wednesday Cal learned that customers they were going to entertain on Thursday would be delayed till Friday, and Cal asked her to stay. The customers were important to him.

“I know you were probably planning to go to New York this weekend,” he said apologetically, “but I'd really appreciate it if you'd stay here. Just this one time. I think it might make a big difference to the people and they haven't met you.”

“Of course, Cal,” she said, without hesitating. She knew how important it was to him, and she could see his point, and she hoped Steve would understand. But she was still surprised and upset when he didn't.

“For chrissake, Merrie. It's been three weeks. Is this what it's going to be like for the next two months? When the hell am I going to see you?” For once, he was furious with her, and she was upset that he wasn't more understanding. She also felt a little guilty about not going to New York and it made her defensive.

“I'm not staying out here for a tennis tournament, or my garden club. This is business, baby. I have to be here.”

“Bullshit. Cal can entertain them without you.”

“No, he can't. Or at least he doesn't want to. And I work for him. I can't just walk out when he's asked me to be here. We didn't plan it this way. TIQ is our biggest account.”

“Great. So what am I supposed to do? I have to work Sunday so I can't come out. You knew that.” He sounded angry and disappointed.

“I'll be home next weekend. I swear, scout's honor.” But he was still annoyed when she hung up, and he called back and complained about it again later. He was upset that he hadn't seen her. But there was nothing she could do about it. Business was business.

Cal had hired a caterer to serve them dinner at his home on Friday night, he had invited three other couples, and it was a very pleasant evening. He asked Meredith to come before the other guests arrived, which she did, in a new black cocktail dress that was sleek and sophisticated and very chic, and he looked very pleased when he saw her.

“That's a knockout, Merrie! And so are you.” He briefed her quickly about the other couples, and he knew she had already done extensive reading about the people from TIQ.

And when they arrived, she was a very gracious hostess for him. She moved easily among the guests, talked to the men about business issues, and then spent an appropriate amount of time with the women. But most of them were talking about their children, and Meredith eventually drifted back into the male-generated business conversations. And Cal beamed as he watched her, she was perfect.

When the guests finally left, they all agreed that it had been a wonderful evening, great food, interesting people, and lively conversations. And the man from TIQ seemed to be in love with Merrie.

“You totally snowed him,” Cal said with a look of admiration. “You were terrific. Thank you for staying. I know you were planning to go to New York, but this was important to me.”

“I knew it was,” she said simply.

“Was Steve upset?” he asked, looking concerned and she hesitated.

“A little. But I'll be home next weekend.” But she had realized that it wasn't as easy getting back to New York on weekends as she had thought it would be. But they only had to do it for two more months. It wasn't forever. And Steve had to be understanding about it. She was establishing herself in a new business.

“I'm really sorry,” Cal said sincerely. “Why don't you leave early Friday next weekend?”

“Thanks, I might. I'm going to use this weekend to house-hunt in the city,” she said, as they walked slowly toward her car in his driveway. She was pleased that the evening had gone so well for him.

“Can I come?” he asked unexpectedly.

“It's pretty boring,” she said, and she'd been planning to do some shopping. “You probably want to be with the kids,” she said, as he opened her car door for her.

“As a matter of fact, they're all busy. My chauffeuring services aren't even needed. I'd really love to come with you. I like looking at houses.”

“All right,” she said with a smile, “if you really want to.”

“What time shall I pick you up?”

“How about ten thirty? There's one I want to see at eleven.”

“I'll come by at ten fifteen to be on the safe side. And thanks again for tonight … you were really great,” he said with a warm smile, and a minute later she drove off with a wave, and he was at her apartment building at ten fifteen the next morning, wearing khaki pants, a navy turtleneck, and a blazer, and as usual, he looked very handsome. She was beginning to wonder if he ever looked disheveled. Knowing Cal, it was hard to imagine.

He drove her to the city, as they chatted comfortably, about business, as usual. And the first house they saw was a disappointment. But after that, they saw two others, both of them in Pacific Heights. One needed too much work, though it was a pretty, old house and had great views, and the other seemed a little small to her, although Cal liked it. But she thought it was a little claustrophobic.

“Depends how many kids you plan to have,” he said, as they got back in his car. He had just suggested they have lunch at The Waterfront, they were both starving.

“Very funny. You know I don't want kids, Cal. I have Dow Tech now. That's my new baby.”

“I'm not sure your husband is as clear on that as I am,” he smiled. “He said something about it to me when you two came to dinner, after he'd been swimming with my children.”

“I know,” she said uncomfortably. It was a sore subject. “He keeps pushing, and I think that's part of why he wants to move out here. I just can't see it for me, now more than ever.”

“I think you're just scared, and I still believe in my earlier theory.”

“What? That I'm not committed to Steve? Now that you've met him, how can you say that?”

“I'm not saying you're not committed to him,” he corrected her. “I think you are, as much as anyone ever is. Maybe you don't trust the relationship, or the future.” It was an old theory with him. She had heard it that first week and here it was again.

“After nearly fifteen years, I don't know what's not to trust. He's not going anywhere, and neither am I. I just trust my own instincts. I know myself, and just as you said about Charlotte a long time ago, I'm not very maternal. I think it's a mistake to go against that.”

“Is that what you always agreed on right from the beginning?” he asked, as they headed down Divisadero Street toward the water.

She hesitated before she answered. “Probably not. But I was twenty-three years old when we got married, I'm not sure I knew myself that well then, or understood how much my career would come to mean to me. It takes a while to figure that out,” she said very clearly.

“I know. But there's usually more to it than careers, and I think you know that.”

“I don't know what you mean when you say that, Cal.”

“I've known people who were married to the same people for years, and never had kids, either because they didn't want to, or thought they couldn't, and the next thing you know, they've fallen for someone else, get remarried, and bang, they're pregnant. It's not a new theory. Just the nature of the beast,” he said matter-of-factly.

“Are you saying you think Steve and I will get divorced?” She looked startled by the suggestion. It was something she never even thought of.

“God knows, I hope not. I guess I'm just saying that nothing is predictable in life, and if you look deep enough, I'll bet there are other reasons why you don't want children, not all of them work-related. Maybe you don't think you'd be good parents.”

“I think he would, if he weren't working forty-eight-hour stretches. I'm not so sure about myself. Maybe you're right though. If we'd have wanted kids, we probably would have had them. People do seem to have them no matter what, no matter how wrong the circumstances are, or how bad the timing.”

“Maybe he doesn't really want them either, and he uses you as the scapegoat.” They were all new ideas to her, but some of them were worth a closer look, and she wondered if Cal was closer to the truth than she wanted to believe.

Lunch at The Waterfront was fun, and the view was spectacular. And afterward, they drove by the Palace of the Legion of Honor, and walked around for a little while, chatting, and admiring the paintings. And when they left, he invited her to join him and his children for dinner.

“You're going to get tired of me, if you eat three meals a day with me,” she teased, but he insisted.

“Since I got you stuck alone here all weekend, the least I can do is feed you.” But she was having such a nice time with him that she didn't resist him. He was so easy to be with, and they always had so much to talk about, mostly about his business.

The kids didn't seem surprised to see her that night.

Mary Ellen was at a friend's, and Andy and Julie were watching videos. But when they came down and saw her, they greeted her like an old friend. Andy was all excited about the football game they were going to on Sunday. The ‘Niners were playing the Broncos.

“Are you coming with us?” Andy asked her with interest over dinner.

“No, I'm not,” she said politely.

“Why not?” Cal asked, as he smiled at her. “That's a great idea. Do you like football?”

“Sometimes. I'm a big baseball fan. It's usually too cold in New York to go to football games without freezing to death.”

“It's better here,” Julie reassured her, and somehow Meredith got swept away by the tides of their enthusiasm, and the next thing she knew she had agreed to join them.

“Are you sure the children won't mind?” she asked Cal after they left the table.

“Of course not. Why would they? You're part of the family now, Meredith. They're perfectly comfortable with you.”

“They just liked Steve because he played Marco Polo with them.”

“Yes, they did. But they like you too. Julie thinks you're smart, and Andy thinks you're very pretty. He has good taste,” he said proudly, “he takes after me.”

“And Mary Ellen hates me,” she said, laughing at the double compliment. “Maybe you should ask her.”

“She likes you too. She just takes longer to warm up to people than the others. But the last time you were here, she loved what you were wearing. At her age, that's a major issue. She said you were ‘cool,’ which is a big deal to her. I'm not ‘cool,’ in case you want to know, because I'm her father. She thinks I'm two hundred years old, and really dumb most of the time. Last week she told me I was pathetic.”

“See what I mean,” Meredith said, looking awed by him, he handled it all with such ease, from business to babies. “I wouldn't know how to deal with that. If my daughter told me I was pathetic, I'd be heartbroken.”

“You toughen up eventually. After they tell you they hate you a few million times, you begin to miss it when they don't say it. ‘Pathetic’ is high praise, coming from a fourteen-year-old. It's better than ‘retarded.’ I was ‘retarded’ last year, and ‘evil’ earlier this summer. And last week Julie told me I was really stupid, but that was because I said she can't wear lipstick. You have to learn the jargon.” He was laughing and so was Meredith. He made it all seem so easy.

“I think business school was a lot easier than having children would be.”

“This is different,” he said, and then touched her hand gently. “You're a hell of a nice woman, you know, Merrie. And good company. Thank you for being here this weekend.” He knew it had been a sacrifice for her, and he wanted to make it up to her. And she was so pleasant to be with. He had even enjoyed house-hunting with her, and they had both laughed when the real estate agent thought he was her husband, but it had been a normal assumption. He had noticed that she hadn't been too anxious to find a house, and seemed to find fault with all of them. He wondered if she really wanted to live in the city. He knew it was a concession she was making for Steve, but he was beginning to suspect she wanted to stay in Palo Alto. It would certainly be easier for her. “How are you liking your apartment, by the way? Are you comfortable there?”

“I love it,” she admitted. “I'm going to have to give it up and move into the city. Steve has his heart set on a house there. Actually, I think I prefer an apartment.”

“I'll bet I can guess why too. No room for a baby. God, you're stubborn!”

“Look who's talking!” She teased him then about some positions he'd taken that week that weren't entirely reasonable, but he had dug in his heels and refused to be swayed, no matter how much she argued with him.

“So you've figured that out, have you?” He looked vaguely embarrassed as he poured her another glass of wine, and they sat in his comfortable living room for hours, talking. It was after midnight when she finally went home. And he was back at her front door at eleven the next morning, to take her to the football game, and his kids were with him. They swarmed over her apartment like little bees. The girls both thought it was “cool,” and Andy said he liked it.

And they had a ball at the football game. The Broncos won, and Andy was outraged. But other than that, they had a great time, eating hot dogs and peanuts and ice cream. And when they left, without even thinking about it, she went back to the house with them, and helped Cal cook them dinner. It was nice being with them, and being part of a family, and she was actually sorry when Cal took her home that night, and she thanked him for a wonderful weekend.

“I had the best time.” She had seen him all three days, for a variety of events, all of them enjoyable and none of them boring. “I hope your kids didn't mind my hanging around.”

“Not at all. They loved it. You set a great example for the girls, it shows them that women can be smart and beautiful and successful and nice. That's important for them.”

“Well, I enjoyed myself thoroughly. Please thank them for me. And thank you, Cal.”

“You're the best thing that's happened to me in a long time, Meredith. And I hope you know that.” It seemed a serious moment between them, and then he lightened it immediately. “Besides, Charlie McIntosh wasn't nearly as pretty as you are.” They both laughed and he left her then, and told her he'd see her at the office, and a few minutes after she got in, Steve called.

“Where the hell have you been all weekend?”

She was surprised by his tone, it wasn't like him to be that angry. But their current living arrangement was putting a considerable strain on both of them, and she was willing to be understanding about it.

“I've been everywhere. The dinner with customers I told you about on Friday night. I looked for houses in the city on Saturday. I had dinner at Cal's last night. And they took me to a football game today. I just walked in the door five minutes ago, sweetheart.” She thought it accounted perfectly for her whereabouts, but he was even more furious when she was finished.

“Are you telling me you spent the whole weekend with him? Why don't you just move in with him while you're at it?”

“Come on, Steve, don't be silly. I had nothing else to do this weekend.”

“You were supposed to be here.” He sounded petulant and childish.

“And you're working today, so I couldn't have been with you anyway. So why make a big deal about it?”

“Did you find a house?” he snapped at her. She didn't like the tone of the conversation, and wondered if he'd had a bad day, or was just tired. It wouldn't have been surprising.

“Not yet. But I'm looking.”

“It can't be that hard. The paper was full of houses for sale when I was out there.”

“I haven't liked anything I've seen, Steve. Relax. We have time, and the apartment is fine here.”

“Then maybe you should try spending some time in it, and not spending all your time at Cal's house.”

“Come on, Steve, for chrissake. I was there for a business dinner on Friday, and hanging out with his kids today. Don't make it a big deal when it isn't.” She was startled to realize he was jealous.

“You hate kids. So tell me, what's the big attraction, or do we both know what it is? Is that what all this is about, Merrie? Are you falling for him? Is that why you haven't been home in three weeks? Am I just being a fool here?”

“Of course not. We're just friends, sweetheart. You know that. You met him. I don't know that many people here yet, and he felt badly that he got me stuck here this weekend.”

“He should feel like shit about it,” Steve was almost shouting at her, “he spent the weekend with my wife, and I didn't.”

“Baby, calm down. I told you. I'll be home next weekend. There is absolutely nothing between me and Callan Dow, except work and friendship.”

“I'm not so sure of that. I saw the guy. He's handsome, successful, charming, and he looks like he'd pounce on you, given half a chance. I know that type.” He was being completely irrational, and she knew it.

“If he were going to do a stupid thing like that, he'd have done it when we were traveling together, and I wouldn't be working for him now. I have no interest whatsoever in getting ‘pounced’ on. And he is not that kind of guy. He's a perfect gentleman, and you know it.”

“I don't know what I know anymore, but whatever this is, I don't like it. You're leading a completely independent life, like a single woman.”

“That is absolute crap, Steve Whitman. I'm doing my job, and trying to find a house for us. This isn't easy for either of us, but if you're going to be stupid about it, and make insane accusations about Cal Dow, you're going to make it even harder. He's my boss. What do you expect me to do? Refuse to see him?” She was making sense, but he still didn't like the situation.

“No … I guess not … I just hate having you so far away. It's harder than I thought. I thought you'd be home every weekend. I didn't realize I'd be seeing you once a month. This just isn't working.” He suddenly sounded depressed more than angry.

“I know, baby. I'll be home next weekend, come hell or high water. I promise,” she said gently.

“You'd better.”

“I'll be there.”

And when she started to get a cold on Thursday night, she didn't say a word. She just loaded up on pills the next day, and got on the flight. But by the time she got to New York, she was coughing, had a pounding headache, and an earache. And when she got to the apartment, she looked awful. She had gotten stuck at the office and missed the earlier flight. She didn't land at Kennedy till midnight.

Steve had dinner waiting for her, and a bottle of champagne, and it was one A.M. when she walked in the door, and all she wanted was her bed, but she sat at dinner with him, and drank champagne, and pretended to feel better than she did. But he could see she was feeling lousy. He was dying to make love to her, but she ached all over by the time she got into bed, even her skin hurt, and when he touched her, he could tell she had a fever.

“Poor baby,” he said, feeling sorry for her. He took her temperature and she had 101.4. He gave her Tylenol, and tucked her in, but in the morning she felt worse instead of better.

“You probably shouldn't have flown,” he said, feeling guilty.

“You'd have killed me if I hadn't come home,” she said, coughing.

“You're right. I probably would have.” He smiled at her.

She spent the whole weekend in bed. By Sunday the fever was down, and they went for a walk on Sunday afternoon, and he seemed depressed, although they had finally made love that morning. But neither of them was in great spirits. She was planning to take the last flight to San Francisco that night, and get in late, but she'd be at her office in the morning.

“It's only for another seven weeks,” she reminded him, as he cooked her dinner, but she wasn't hungry. She picked at it, in order to please him.

“It seems like forever,” he said grimly. And it did, to both of them, but there was nothing they could do about it. They just had to grit their teeth and get through it.

She wasn't planning to come back until two weeks later, for Thanksgiving. They had promised to go to the Lucases’ for dinner.

Steve took her to the airport that night, and gave her some decongestants before she got on the plane, and she kissed him good-bye, still looking miserable. And he looked even worse when he went back to the apartment. It was a lonely life for him now, and missing her was almost a physical ache. He lay in their bed and nearly cried when he smelled her perfume and shampoo on his pillow.

“How was the weekend?” Cal asked when she came into the office on Monday. She looked terrible, and she was coughing and sneezing. The flight had made her cold worse, and she felt awful.

“Pretty lousy,” she said honestly, “I was sick, and Steve was unhappy. I wasn't much fun. It was just bad luck I got sick before I went,” she said miserably.

“I'm sorry, Merrie. You'd better take care of yourself. This commuting is hard on you and we've got some big meetings coming up this week.”

“I know. I'll be fine,” she reassured him, but she felt rotten all week, and spent the next weekend in bed. The last thing she needed was to be too sick to fly over Thanksgiving. She knew Steve would never forgive her, and she didn't want to miss the holiday with him.

Cal had invited her to spend Thanksgiving with them, in case she didn't plan to go home, but she assured him that she was spending it in New York with her husband.

“Just so you're not alone here,” he said kindly, and she thanked him. He was very good to her. He had every interest in keeping her happy. He wanted her to stay at Dow Tech forever.

The next week flew by, what there was of it. No one did much work before the holiday, and on Wednesday afternoon she flew to New York as planned. She was over her cold, and looking forward to Thanksgiving. Steve had said he'd meet her at the airport, but he wasn't there, and she paged him when she got back to the apartment. He returned her call an hour later.

“You're not going to believe this,” he said grimly. “There was a subway fire at rush hour this afternoon. And they sent everyone to us. No fatalities, but I'm dealing with some mighty sick people. I'm not going to get out of here till tomorrow.”

“Don't worry about it,” she said cheerfully, “I'm here. I'll be here whenever you can come home.”

“I should be off by tomorrow morning. The chief resident is going to cover for me and Harvey, so we can at least have Thanksgiving. Poor bastard, I know what that's like.”

But the chief resident's six-year-old son managed to get a ruptured appendix at midnight. And neither Harvey Lucas nor Steve had the heart to force him to come on duty. The kid was really sick, in another hospital naturally, and he wanted to be with him. And Lucas hadn't been well all week. There was no one to run the show except Steven.

Steve sounded near tears when he called her. “I'm stuck here,” he said bluntly. “I can't get out, Merrie.” She hesitated for a moment, these days it was such a big deal when either of them couldn't get free. It was as though they were walking on eggs now. But she recovered quickly, for his sake.

“Don't worry about it. I'll bring you turkey dinner.”

“How are you going to manage that?” He sounded startled.

“I'll figure out something,” she promised. And true to her word, she showed up with a roast chicken she'd bought at a deli on Second Avenue, potato salad, stuffing, and cranberry sauce, at two o'clock that afternoon, and they ate it on paper plates in his office. She had even bought pumpkin pie, and he smiled as he looked at their makeshift meal and then kissed her.

“You're pretty terrific,” he said, holding her, as a nurse walked by and smiled. They were cute together.

“You're not so bad yourself,” Meredith smiled at him. They managed to get a whole hour to themselves before Steve had to go into surgery with a patient with a gunshot wound in the groin. His patients managed to shoot each other, even on Thanksgiving.

“I'll be home when I can,” he promised. And he finally made it on Friday morning. And for the rest of the weekend, they had three uninterrupted days together.

They went to movies, and held hands, they made love and slept late. They even went skating at Rockefeller Center. It was just what they needed, and they both felt renewed again when she got on the plane on Sunday night. He stood in the airport and kissed her, and they looked like young lovers.

“I had a great weekend, Merrie. Thank you,” he whispered.

“Me too,” she said, and kissed him again. And she had to tear herself away to leave him. He had promised to fly out to see her the next weekend. They only had five weeks left before he moved out, four if he could leave before Christmas. Their apartment hadn't sold yet, but there were some people who were interested and hadn't made their mind up. But the Thanksgiving they'd shared had given each of them the strength they needed to get through the last stretch of their seemingly interminable separation. She had been living in California without him for six weeks now.

And the good feelings they'd shared over the holiday carried them through the next few days. Meredith was still floating on air when he called her on Thursday.

“Are you sitting down?” he asked. She couldn't imagine what he was going to say. Maybe that he'd sold their apartment for twice the asking. It had to be good news the way he said it.

“Sure. Why?” she asked with a smile.

“I just lost the job in California.” She felt as though a bomb had hit her.

“What? Are you kidding? This is a joke, right?”

“This is no joke. The guy who was leaving, the number-one guy, isn't. He changed his mind. And they can't force him to leave. They're probably the only trauma unit in the world that's overstaffed. They can't make room for me.” He sounded devastated, which was exactly how she was feeling. “I called all the other hospitals I saw, and all they have is a spot as low man on the ER team at SF General.” And Meredith couldn't bear the thought of his doing something like that. The job in the East Bay had been so perfect. “They were very apologetic about it, when they called from the East Bay. But they can't ask the guy to leave, and besides, they don't want to. They love him.”

“Oh shit, Steve. What are we going to do now?”

“I don't know. Wait, I guess. There's nothing else we can do. Something will come along eventually. And in the meantime, I can stay here. Lucas was thrilled when I told him.”

“He would be. I don't know what to say, sweetheart. I never thought that would happen.” If she had thought it wasn't a sure thing, she wouldn't have taken the job with Callan. Now they were stuck with a miserable situation.

She told Cal about it late that afternoon, when they finished a meeting.

“That's terrible. Why don't you let me make some calls and see what I can do?” But his conclusion the next day was what Steve's had been. There seemed to be no opening for him anywhere at the moment, unless he wanted to take a far more junior position. And Cal told Meredith he didn't think Steve should do that. “He's just going to have to be patient.”

But it had been so difficult for them for the past seven weeks. And now with no hope in sight, it was going to add further stress to their situation. And commuting bicoastally hadn't been the easy deal they had both thought it would be. Most of the time, one or the other of them couldn't make it. Their lives were just too busy where they were working.

Meredith was depressed about it for the rest of the week, and Steve sounded even worse whenever she spoke to him, and as usual, he was working that weekend. And she wasn't due back in New York until Christmas. She was planning to take the week off between Christmas and New Year, and then they were supposed to return to California together for good. But everything was up in the air now. All she could do was hope that a job would open up in a trauma unit somewhere quickly.

December was a grueling month for both of them, as it turned out. At work, Cal was trying to tie up a lot of loose ends before the end of the year that kept them working day and night. And with the ice and snow in New York, there was a constant stream of accidents, hit-and-runs, broken hips, and head-on collisions. Only the gang wars seemed to have diminished in the bad weather. And the week before Christmas, they were hit by yet another bolt of lightning. Harvey Lucas had a bad fall on the ice at his home in Connecticut, and broke a hip and his pelvis. He was going to be out of commission for eight weeks, and even if Steve had had a job to come to, he couldn't have left the trauma unit where he was working. Steve felt he owed it to Harvey to stick around until he had recovered. The only break for Steve was that they had hired a locum tenens trauma doc to work with him for the duration. Her name was Anna Gonzalez, and she made her career doing fill-ins, and Steve said she was smart, had trained at Yale, and she was the only thing making life bearable for him at the moment. She was acting as his assistant, while he took Harvey Lucas's place and ran the unit.

So all Meredith and Steve knew now was that, whatever happened, they had another ten weeks of separation ahead of them. And Meredith had already been alone in California for more than two months now.

“What on earth did we do to deserve this?” Meredith asked, near tears, when they talked about it.

“At least you'll be home in a week. I'm going to see if I can take some time off when you're here, Anna says she'll cover for me.”

“Thank her for me,” Meredith said, feeling as miserable as she had since she'd heard the news about Harvey Lucas.

For the next few days, Meredith did everything she had to do, and got ready to go home for Christmas. She was taking all her presents for Steve with her. And as she packed a few days before she was to leave, a blizzard hit the entire eastern seaboard. It only made things harder for Steve, there were more accidents and more broken bones, he never seemed to have a free moment.

Meredith was planning to fly east on Christmas Eve, and the night before, she had dinner at Callan's with him and his children. There was a pretty Christmas tree in the living room, and in contrast to New York, they were having unseasonably warm weather, which seemed ironic.

“Maybe you won't be able to leave tomorrow,” Andy said ominously as they talked about the bad weather in the East, and the volley of snowstorms that had hit them. There were more than two feet of snow covering New York now, and Steve had said the city was at a standstill.

“I hope not, Andy,” Meredith said fervently. She had just given them all their presents. A dress for Mary Ellen that had elicited squeals from her, another for Julie with a funny pair of shoes that she said were the “coolest,” and a robot for Andy that could play ball with him, and pour a can of soda. “Steve is going to be really upset if I don't get home tomorrow.” That was a major understatement.

“You could have Christmas with us,” Julie volunteered. They were spending Christmas with Cal, and their mother was coming in the day after to take them skiing in Sun Valley. She hadn't seen them since the previous summer, and they were only halfheartedly looking forward to it. Understandably, they seemed to have a lot of reservations about her.

“I'd love to have Christmas with you,” Meredith said, “but I need to go home to my husband.”

Cal was going to Mexico with friends, and she knew he had chartered a yacht there, while the kids were away with their mother. All she wanted was a week in New York with Steve. Their life at the moment seemed to be filled with nothing but problems and disappointments, and for the moment worrying about it was overshadowing her love for her job. Knowing they would be apart for several more months, she was beginning to worry about her marriage. And Cal could see she was troubled.

After dinner, he chatted with her and talked to her about it. “You two just have to tough it out till he finds something out here, Merrie. He'll find something. He's too good not to.” He was worried that she would feel pressured into taking a leave of absence, or worse, going back to her husband.

“This is a lot harder than we thought,” she admitted to him, looking depressed about it.

“Men go through it all the time. They take jobs in other cities, and sometimes it takes a year for their families to join them. Houses have to be sold, kids have to finish the school year where they are. People get through it. And you and Steve will too. Just try to be patient.”

“I am … we are … but I feel as though I deserted him when I came out here. And I think that's what he feels. I'm not sure he understands it.”

“Sure he does. He's a big boy. He knows this job was important to you. And in the end, it'll be good for him too. I'm sure he's willing to make some sacrifices for your career, Merrie. He loves you. Women do this kind of thing for their husbands all the time. They give up jobs they like, and friends, and homes, to follow their husbands when they're transferred. He just has to be patient. You did the right thing when you came out here, Meredith, and I'm sure Steve knows that.” She wasn't sure what Steve knew anymore, except that he hated the way they were living. He was trapped in New York by force of circumstances, and he seemed to think she was having a grand old time in California. She loved her job certainly, but she missed not being with her husband.

“I hope he finds a job out here soon, a good one, not a big step down for him like the one at SF General,” she said sadly, as Cal put a sympathetic arm around her shoulders. He wanted to do something to cheer her, and the only thing he could think of was to give her her Christmas present.

“I have a little something for you, Meredith. It's just a thought.” He handed her a small box he'd had in his pocket, as he said it. And she had something for him too. She had left the orange box in the hall with her handbag, and she went to get it before she opened his present. As she handed it to him, he recognized the box and ribbon instantly. It was from Hermes, she had bought the gift for him the last time she'd been in the city.

They sat down side by side, and began opening their gifts. And as she opened hers, there was a sharp intake of breath. He had bought her a beautiful gold watch at Bulgari, it was exactly what she would have bought herself, if she had dared to spend that much money on a wristwatch.

“My God, Cal, you shouldn't have … it's so beautiful,” she put it on and it fit perfectly, and he was pleased that she seemed to like it.

And then he opened the box she had given him, and was equally impressed. She had bought him a very handsome leather Hermes briefcase. The leather was rich and smooth, and it was every bit as elegant as he was. He loved the gift, and he gave her a big hug and kiss the minute he saw it.

“You spoiled me, Merrie! I love it!” He beamed as he looked at it, and she was excited about her watch, as she hugged him back.

“Look who's talking! I've never had a watch like this, Cal.”

“Well, you should have.” It was something she could wear every day with her well-tailored suits, and the pantsuits she wore to the office. It was businesslike and at the same time it looked chic and expensive.

They sat and talked for a while afterward, and at eleven o'clock, he flipped on the news, so they could see what the weather was doing in the East. There had been stories about people snowed in and stranded all week, and all the major cites and airports had been shut down one by one as the storms continued. And things had not improved while they were eating dinner. Another major front had moved in, and a fresh load of snow was being dumped on New York, New Jersey, Connecticut, and Massachusetts.

“You know, I hate to say it, but I'm not sure you're going to get out tomorrow, Meredith. You'd better check your flight before you leave for the airport.”

“Steve will kill me if I don't make it home for Christmas,” she said glumly. It would be the topper on an already terrible situation. She really missed him.

“It won't be your fault if you don't, he's got to understand that.”

He drove her home after that, and she thanked him for the gift again. She was still wearing it, and she smiled as she pulled up her sleeve and admired it again. “Thank you, Cal. I really love it.”

“I'm glad,” he said with a look of pleasure. “I love my briefcase.”

“We're going to be the two fanciest people in the office,” she said, smiling.

“What are you going to do if you can't go home?” he asked, worried about her.

“Cry,” she said, and then laughed ruefully. “What can I do? If they close the airport, or cancel my flight, there isn't a damn thing I can do about it.”

“If that happens, I want you to spend Christmas Eve with us. I don't want you sitting alone here.”

“Thank you, Cal, I appreciate it. But hopefully, I'll get out tomorrow.”

“I hope so too. But just in case … I don't want you sitting around feeling sorry for yourself all alone in your apartment.”

“I won't. I promise. I'll feel sorry for myself at your house.” They both laughed, but she was desperate to get out, and he knew it.

But no matter how desperate she was, the next day the snow was still falling in New York, and by nine A.M. on the West Coast, noon in New York, they had closed Kennedy Airport. She managed to reach Steve at the hospital, and he was disappointed, but philosophical about it.

“You'll get here sooner or later, sweetheart. We'll just have to postpone Christmas till you get here. What are you going to do tonight?”

“I don't know. The Dows said I could come over if this happened.” She didn't have any other friends there. She hadn't had time to meet other people yet, she had been too busy at the office.

“At least you'll be with kids,” he said, but she could tell by the tone of his voice that he wasn't overly pleased about it. But he could hardly expect her to spend Christmas Eve alone, and he didn't say anything to her. He was going to stay on at the hospital. He didn't want to be alone either. And most of the staff was working.

Cal had heard on the news that the airports were closed, and before he left at noon, he reminded her of his invitation. He was going to do some errands with the kids that afternoon, and he told her to come over around four o'clock, they'd be home then.

She arrived with a huge can of caramel popcorn for them, and candied apples, and the kids dove into them with glee. They sat around the tree in Cal's living room, and he put on a CD of Christmas music. She shared an early dinner with them that night, and afterward the kids went to their rooms, Cal lit a fire for them, and the two of them sat talking about Christmas and their youth and childhoods. He told her his mother had died when he was a child, and how hard the holidays had been for him after that, and she began to understand how loath he was to make a commitment to women. As far as he was concerned, although he didn't express it that way, women always deserted him, one way or another.

“Did your father ever remarry?” she asked with interest.

“Not until I was grown up. My stepmother and he died a long time ago. I have no family other than my children.”

“I only have Steve. He has no family either. I think that's why he wants kids so much, to form a family of his own. I guess I'm unnatural because I don't want them.”

“Not necessarily. Maybe you're right for you. But that's why I wanted children of my own. I wanted the perfect family, and I have it now … I just picked the wrong wife,” he said, helping himself to a handful of her popcorn.

“Your kids are great,” she said, eating some too, and he looked at her from where he sat, the room was warm, and the fire was crackling softly.

“You're pretty great, too,” he said softly. He hadn't expected to spend Christmas with her. It was nice to have an adult to talk to, and she was grateful not to be alone in her apartment. She didn't know what to make of the compliment, and she just looked at him, and then stared into the fire, thinking of Steve. She really missed him. “I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, Merrie …I'm sorry.”

“You didn't,” she said, looking back at him again. “I was just thinking … about you … and Steve … and how different you are. You're both very important to me, for very different reasons. I love the way you and I work together. I love a lot of things about you.” It wasn't what she had meant to say to him, but it was true. She admired him a great deal, and enjoyed his company, they shared so many of the same views, and through their work and their styles, they had so much in common. In some ways, more than she had with Steve. One of the things she had always enjoyed with Steve was how opposite they were, they seemed to complement each other. But with Cal, it was more of a synchronicity, a similarity they shared, that made it so easy for them to be together. “I'm so comfortable with you.”

“I've never been as comfortable with anyone in my life,” he confessed, sharing her opinion. “It's what marriage should be, and usually isn't. At least mine wasn't.”

“Steve and I have always been best friends. But now I feel that way with you too.” She felt a little disloyal to Steve when she said it.

“Maybe that's not such a bad thing, since we spend so much time together. Most people spend more time with their business partners and secretaries than they do with their spouses.” They both smiled at that, and she helped herself to more popcorn. “Will you come to church with us tonight, Meredith? We go to midnight mass at Saint Mark's.”

“I'd like that.” She had always been a churchgoer, and Steven had never been religious.

They sat and talked for a long time, and at a quarter to twelve he rounded up the children. Andy was half asleep, but he wanted to go anyway. And the five of them drove to Saint Mark's in Cal's car. Andy was asleep in the backseat when they got there. Cal picked him up and carried him in, and set him down gently on the pew next to his sisters, and never woke him. The girls were serious and sang the hymns, and she and Cal shared a prayerbook and a hymnal. It was a lovely service, and she glanced at him once or twice, and he smiled at her. He had a deep melodic voice, and their voices rose in unison as they sang “Silent Night” together. And afterward, they walked back to the car, and it was an odd feeling being with them. It was as though she belonged there, with his little family. It was a strange illusion, and she was quiet when he dropped her off that night. He took her upstairs, and walked her into the apartment, to make sure she was all right, and he said not a word to her, he simply pulled her gently into his arms and kissed her. And without hesitating, she kissed him back, and he held her in his arms for a long moment, and then looked at her, and was startled to see her crying.

“I'm sorry … I don't know what's happening to me, Cal … I feel like my whole world is starting to come apart, I'm part of a whole new life here, and I'm not even sure if I belong here.”

“I shouldn't have done that, Merrie … I'm sorry….” It had just felt so right, to both of them, for an instant. But one kiss could lead them into a world that they both knew they had no right to. “I'm really sorry. … It won't happen again. … I think I kind of lost it for a minute.”

“Me too,” she said softly. There was so much about him that she liked, but she had no right to any of it, and she knew it. “I think the holidays make everyone a little nuts,” she reassured him. “They make everyone think about what they don't have, and think they should. Being with your kids tonight almost made me feel like I want a baby.”

“Maybe you do,” he said gently. But she only shook her head. What she couldn't say to him was that the baby she had suddenly wanted was his, not Steven's. And she didn't understand the feeling. Suddenly everything in her life seemed topsy-turvy. And all she knew was that she had to get back to Steven before they lost each other. For the first time, she was afraid that they would, or might, or could, and feeling that was terrifying for her.

“Merry Christmas, Merrie,” Cal said softly before he left.

“Merry Christmas to you, Cal,” she answered, but they were both upset by what had happened. It was easy to explain in some ways, they were both feeling emotional because of the holiday, and she had been living apart from her husband for three months. Cal had no important woman in his life. And they were both lonely. But they both knew that it wasn't reason enough to risk her marriage or destroy their friendship.

And the next day, she called him and told him she couldn't come over.

“Because of what happened last night?” he asked softly.

“Yes. I think we both need a breather before we do something foolish. The airport will be open in a few hours, they said. It'll be fine when I come back from New York, let's forget about it, Cal.”

He didn't want her to quit because he had been stupid. He didn't care what he had to do, or not do, but more than anything, he didn't want to lose her. “I'm sorry I was such a fool. I know how in love you are with Steve. I don't know what came over me suddenly.” But he knew, and so did she, and they both knew it had to stop very quickly. She was sure that if nothing more was said about it, the moment would pass and they would both forget, and they could go back to the comfortable friendship they had shared for months. “I don't like to think of you alone in the apartment on Christmas.”

“I'm fine. I promise.”

“It was so nice being with you last night, and talking to you.” It had been years since he had talked to anyone about his parents.

“We won't lose that, Cal. I promise. I'll be all right after I see Steve. And you'll be yourself again after your vacation in Mexico. I told you, it's just the holidays. I'll see you after New Year's.”

“Will you really be all right, Merrie?” He was worried about her, he knew he had upset her.

“Yes, I will. We both will. Merry Christmas, Cal. Kiss the kids for me.” And for some insane reason, after she hung up, she found she missed them.

It was a relief when they opened the airport in New York that night, and she got a seat on the red-eye. She sat awake, all the way to New York, thinking of Cal, and how foolish they had almost been. Enough so to wake her up. She knew that she and Steve had to do something. They couldn't live like this forever.

She took a cab to the apartment when she arrived, and the city looked like a fairyland, all covered in snow. Another light snow had already begun falling when she let herself into the apartment. It was the day after Christmas, but at least she was home. And when she walked into the bedroom, Steve was there, sound asleep in their bed. She took off her clothes, and slipped silently under the sheets beside him. And in his sleep, he pulled her close to him and held her.

Chapter 11

THE WEEK IN New York flew by too fast. Steve had taken the week off too, and the time they shared was idyllic. They played in the snow, and went sledding in the park. They went for long walks, and out for dinner. They made love more than they had in years, as though they were both desperate to cling to each other. And after the first few days, they finally talked seriously about their problem.

“What are we going to do?” Meredith was the first to ask. “We can't live like this forever.”

“I hope we won't have to,” he said sadly. With Meredith there, and so obviously in love with him, he was calmer than he had been in a while.

“Do you want me to quit my job? I will if it's what you want,” she said honestly. They had been apart for almost three months, and with no job for him on the West Coast, there was no end of their separation in sight.

“Of course I don't want that. I want what's good for you. Something will turn up sooner or later,” Steve said calmly.

“What if it's later? What if it takes six months? Or a year?”

“Then we'll live with it. And if nothing great turns up, I'll take a job in some ER and wait for the right opportunity while I'm there. This is not a tragedy, it's just a tough time. Other people seem to do it.”

“Some of them don't make it,” she said, looking worried. The incident with Cal on Christmas Eve had told her that no one was invulnerable, and no matter how much they loved each other, living on opposite coasts presented a real danger for them. For Meredith, it had been a warning, but she had no intention of saying that to him. She didn't want to hurt him.

“What does that mean?” Steve asked, looking confused.

“It means that some people's marriages fall apart, living like this. It puts a hell of a lot of pressure on both of us. Things haven't exactly been easy lately.”

“I know that. But we can do it. It's worth it. I don't want you giving up a job you love, or an opportunity like the one Cal gave you. You love working with him, it's the most exciting job you've ever had, and you're making a goddamn fortune.”

“It's not worth losing you for,” she said clearly. “Nothing is worth that to me, Steve. No job on the planet would be worth that, and no amount of money.”

“I know that,” he said, pulling her into his arms, and kissing her. “I'll be out there in a couple of months, and we'll look back on all this and laugh. We can do it, Merrie. I promise.” She felt as though she were being pulled away from him sometimes, by a force that was bigger than they were, as though the fates were conspiring against them. But she didn't want to say that to him. “Let's just try and spend the weekends together more often.” From that standpoint, the past few months had been a disaster for them. She seemed to get tied up in Palo Alto every weekend, and he was always on duty at the hospital, and between colds and meetings and blizzards and bad luck, they had hardly seen each other.

“I think that'll help,” she said pensively, and he nodded.

“And I'll keep beating the bushes for work in San Francisco. I can't go anywhere right now anyway for the next two months, until Lucas recovers from his hip. So we know I'll be here for that long. And maybe by then a job will open up in the Bay Area.” He sounded hopeful, more so than he had in a long time. Being with her had really boosted his spirits.

“Christ, I hope so,” she said, and with that, they fell back into bed. They even managed to spend New Year's Eve together, without interference from the trauma unit, which was mostly thanks to Anna Gonzalez, who was covering for him. Steve said that she had absolutely forbidden anyone to call him. “I owe her a giant thank you,” Meredith said, as she packed her bags on New Year's Day, to go back to California. They were both sad she was going, but it had been a great week for them, and even Meredith felt more secure about the relationship than she had on Christmas morning. She felt as though they were safe again. And everything he had said made sense. A job would have to turn up for him sooner or later. And if not, he said he'd come out anyway, even if he had to be a paramedic, although she knew he didn't really mean that.

“I want you to meet Anna the next time you're here,” Steve said over the dinner he cooked her before she left. “She's an amazing woman. She's from San Juan, and grew up dirt poor. She got a full scholarship to Yale, and then another one for med school. She was married to some rich kid at the law school, and I gather his family was none too pleased about it. They eventually forced him to ditch her, but not until after she had a baby. He left her high and dry during her residency with no money and a newborn baby. The kid is five now, and she's living in some miserable walk-up apartment on the West Side. She's an incredible physician. We were lucky to find her.”

“What does she look like?” Meredith asked, and Steve laughed.

“You sound just like a woman,” he teased her.

“I am a woman.”

“So I noticed.” They had just made love again an hour before. “One for the road,” as he called it. “She's nice looking, not gorgeous. A little thin, a little nervous, a lot stressed out. She has a kid to support, and she seems to live hand to mouth, doing locum tenens. I'm trying to get them to hire her permanently. We could really use her in the unit. And when I leave, she could replace me. She'd love it.”

“She sounds like a paragon of virtue.” Something about the way he talked about her made Meredith uneasy. And somehow his vague physical description of her seemed just a bit too sketchy. “How old is she?”

“Thirty-three. She's no kid. And she's pretty bitter about her ex-husband.” He sounded sympathetic.

“Doesn't he have to support the child?”

“He sends her two hundred bucks a month. Apparently, he won't even talk to her, won't see the child, and has since remarried some debutante, and just had twins.”

“Nice guy,” Meredith commented, and then realized that she was jealous, which was ridiculous. Steve wasn't the one who'd kissed Cal on Christmas Eve. She was still sorry that had happened, and feeling guilty about it, because she knew Steve would never have done that. He had always been faithful to her, and so had she. But she also knew it would never happen again. Cal knew how upset she had been, and she also knew she wouldn't let it happen.

Steve took Meredith to the airport when she left, and they looked like newlyweds as they hugged and kissed and held each other. She had promised to come back in two weeks, no matter how busy they both were. She knew now, more than ever, that their visits were vital to them. She left him with a last kiss, boarded the plane, and thought about him all the way to California. But she felt a lot better than she had a week before, when she'd arrived the day after Christmas.

She got back to her apartment in Palo Alto just after midnight, and she fell asleep dreaming of Steve. And she was up bright and early the next morning. She was at her desk, looking busy and pleased when Cal got in, and he stood in her office doorway for a moment. He was searching her face for signs of awkwardness with him, but there were none. She looked up and smiled at him. And he could see that things were different than they had been ever so briefly. She looked happier than she had in weeks, and he was pleased for her.

“How was New York?” But he didn't need to ask. He could see it.

“Terrific. How was Mexico?” She sounded at ease with him, and he was relieved.

“Hot and sunny. Lots of tequila and margaritas.”

“No turista?” She laughed at him and he grinned. He was so happy that she wasn't angry or ill at ease with him, after his stupidity in kissing her on Christmas Eve. He had learned an important lesson. And he'd been lucky. This time. She might have quit, or been furious with him, but she obviously wasn't.

“I think the booze kills all the bugs. It was fine.”

“I'm glad. How are the children?”

“A little jangled. They always are after being with Charlotte. She always seems to unnerve them.”

“They'll settle down now that they're home.”

“How was Steve?” he asked cautiously as he walked into her office carrying the briefcase she had given him for Christmas. He loved it. And she was wearing the Bulgari watch he'd given her. She had left it in San Francisco rather than upset Steve with it, when she went to New York. But all was well in the world for both of them now, and business was booming.

“Steve was off all week for once.” She looked pleased as she said it. “And he's being very reasonable about the job situation. He's stuck there for the next two months anyway. I'm just going to have to make more of an effort to go home on weekends. I'm going back again in two weeks.” And her saying that reminded him of something.

“I've organized a retreat, for top management, in Hawaii in three weeks. I was going to tell you. I think they can use it.” He gave her the dates and she jotted them down on her calendar.

“Sounds good to me,” she smiled at him, and then reminded him they had a finance committee meeting in ten minutes.

“Slave driver. Where's my margarita? Where's the beach?” She laughed and wagged a finger at him in answer.

“Never mind that. The vacation's over. We have a lot of work to do, Mr. Dow.”

“Yes, ma'am,” he saluted, and disappeared to his office to collect his papers.

They worked together after the finance meeting all afternoon, and he could detect only the faintest change in her attitude toward him. She was a little more businesslike, a little more cautious with him, but by the end of the day, everything seemed back to normal. And when she left, she waved cheerily and said she'd see him in the morning. It was as though she had shut him out just a little bit, but he couldn't say that she was wrong to do so. He had thought about her a lot when he was in Mexico, and worried about how things would be when they met again. But worse than that, he had missed talking to her every day, and he was surprised himself to realize that morning how glad he was to see her.

He invited her to dinner with the kids that weekend, but she said she had too much work to do. She spent the day in the office on Saturday, and on Sunday she went to look at more houses in the city, and this time he didn't offer to go with her. And when his kids asked where she was, he told them she was busy. They complained about not seeing her, but he realized it was just as well that he and Meredith backed off from each other a bit. They had ventured into dangerous waters for a little while, and luckily swam clear of them. It was better this way, he knew. But every time he looked at his briefcase over the weekend, he was startled to realize he missed her. He felt oddly close to her, closer than he had been to anyone in years.

Chapter 12

ANNA GONZALEZ HAD come to the trauma unit to work with Steve, but within two days of her arrival, Steve had realized that she was extremely independent. She knew what she had to do, and she had her own ideas. She took direction well from him, but she also had her own opinions. And by the time he came back from his week off with Meredith over the holidays, Anna had gained the respect of everyone she worked with. What's more, they liked her.

She filled him in on everything she'd done the morning he returned, and she had kept careful notes for him, and when he read them, he was astonished.

“You did all this?” he asked, with a look of wonder. She had had department meetings, reorganized a few things for the sake of efficiency. She had changed some schedules, and still managed to do surgery, and treat a staggering number of patients. “Don't you ever go home to your kid?” he teased.

“Not often,” she said somewhat sternly. In spite of the vague description he'd given Meredith, she was a pretty woman and looked younger than her age, but somehow when he was with her, he didn't notice. She didn't smile a lot, and she was intense about her work. There was something about her that said she was all business. But she was incredibly gentle and warm with their patients. She was clearly a woman of many facets.

She had started work before his holiday, but it was only as January droned on that he began to feel he knew her. She was tireless, and willing to work endless hours. She never seemed anxious to go home, although he knew she was devoted to her child, from things she said, and when he asked her why she was willing to work such long hours, and for so many days, she faced him squarely.

“Two reasons. I like what I do, and I need the money.”

“What do you do with your daughter when you're here?” There was something about her that intrigued him. There was something hard about her, or protected perhaps, she had a tough outer shell, and yet at the same time she was very gentle in many ways.

“I leave her at my neighbor's. They have five kids, and she's happy with them.”

“And what about you? Don't you need to go home once in a while? We all need to get out of here so we stay sane,” he said with a tired smile. He had been on duty himself at that point for four days.

“You don't seem to go home much either,” she answered. She had thick dark hair, and soft brown eyes that looked like chocolate.

“My wife lives in California,” he said by way of explanation.

“Are you divorced?” He shook his head. “Separated?” She was curious about him too. There were a lot of rumors about him. People said that he was a good guy, and he had an odd relationship with his wife, and she wasn't sure what that meant. So she asked him. Anna Gonzalez was never afraid to ask questions, and something in her eyes said that she expected answers. And the best way Steve could have described her was that she was harder than Meredith outside, and softer inside. She had a blunt, gruff way in working with him sometimes, and then she would say something kind that genuinely touched him. More than anything, she seemed very guarded. She was a woman who'd been hurt, and she wasn't about to let it happen again. She was a fighter, and a survivor.

“My wife and I are bicoastal,” he said, with a smile, and she laughed at his answer.

“Is that a sexual preference, doctor, or a diagnosis?”

“Both. It means I'm celibate ninety percent of the time, and I'm crazy about a woman who works in a city three thousand miles away from here, where I can't seem to find employment, but I'm looking. For a job. Not another woman.”

“It sounds complicated,” she commented, as they sat in his office, drinking coffee out of styrofoam cups. They had just finished a difficult abdominal surgery, and she had worked endlessly, and finally dislodged the bullet. Her nimble fingers, delicate techniques, and sheer stubbornness had saved the patient. Steve had been almost certain that he couldn't have done it himself.

“It is complicated,” he admitted, referring to his living arrangement with his wife. “We've only been doing this for four months now. She took a job in California in October, and the job I had lined up fell through last month, and I'm stuck here anyway because of Lucas.”

“That doesn't sound good.” Her eyes bore into his, and were full of questions. She thought he was a good surgeon, and an interesting person, although perhaps marginally eccentric. Sometimes he liked voicing opinions that shocked the nurses.

“It's not good,” he said. “She got a great job offer, and I encouraged her to take it. I got a job right away, for January, and then they flaked on me. Actually, it's the pits. But there's not much I can do about it for the moment. All I've been offered out there recently is a low man's slot in an ER that treats mostly hemorrhoids and sprained ankles, with the occasional case of hives, or asthma. Their log nearly put me to sleep.”

“You're spoiled here,” she said matter-of-factly. She was wearing the same scrubs he was, but even they couldn't conceal the fact that she had a great figure.

“Maybe. Maybe I don't need all these headaches anymore. Maybe I'm ready for something easy. It might be a relief.”

“I doubt it. It sounds like you're trying to talk yourself into it. How can you go from this to something that won't challenge you?” She was practical about it. Anna Gonzalez was a no-nonsense kind of person. She'd had to be.

“Easy maybe. I don't want to lose my marriage.”

“If it's yours, you won't. If it isn't, nothing you can do will save it.”

“Do you charge extra for that kind of advice, doctor?” he teased, and she smiled.

“No, I give it for free, because I don't take that kind of advice myself.’’

“I hear you're divorced,” he said simply and she nodded.

‘‘ Very.’’

“What does that mean?”

“It means we hate each other, and I hope I never see the sonofabitch again. He walked out on me when I was eight months pregnant, because his parents gave him a trust fund to do it.”

“Oh that,” Steve tried to make light of what she'd said, but the look in her eyes said that she was deeply wounded.

“He's never seen his daughter.”

“From the sound of it, that could be lucky for her. No one needs a father like that, Anna,” he said gently.

“No. But everyone needs a father. He's always going to be a mystery to her, a fantasy, some kind of lost hero, because she doesn't know him.”

“Maybe she will someday. Maybe she'll find him.”

“Maybe. I don't think he'd see her. He was embarrassed because of me.” She still looked angry about it. He had given her a raw deal and she had never forgiven him for it.

“Then why did he marry you?”

“I was pregnant. He was noble. Then he was chicken.”

“Ah, the human race, and its charming foibles.”

“I guess.” It was easy to talk about real life in the middle of the night when you were suspended between two worlds, saving lives and helping people. The world outside, the world beyond their walls, seemed at times like it was on another planet. And all they had was this, and each other. It formed strange bonds between people. Like being on a boat in the middle of the ocean. But Steve was sad for her, she sounded hurt, and angry, and bitter, and disappointed. The only time her eyes lit up and she looked young again was when she talked about her daughter. Steve knew from Anna that her name was Felicia.

They were called away to another emergency then, and two days later after some time off, they were back together, working. It was the weekend. And at midnight, they were both starving and ordered pizza. She seemed happier than the last time they'd talked, he made her laugh with some bad jokes, and old stories about assorted weirdos they'd had in the trauma unit over the years.

“Do you have a boyfriend?” he asked, as they wrestled with the mozzarella on the pizza, and she laughed at the question.

“Are you kidding? When? Does anyone who works here have a boyfriend? How do they manage that?”

“Some of the guys do,” Steve said casually, and she smiled in response. “None of the women.”

“What about you? Do you see other women?”

“Of course not.” He looked shocked. “I told you, I'm married.”

“Yeah, to a woman in another galaxy, far, far from here. I just wondered.” But she had heard that he was faithful, and liked him for it. She was pleased with his answer. More than a lover, she needed a friend.

“When does she come here?”

“Not often enough. She's coming this weekend.”

“That's nice. Do you have kids, Steve?”

“I'm not that lucky.”

“Why?” She had seen him with children in the trauma unit, and it was obvious that he liked them.

“She's always been too busy. I guess we both have. I can't really blame her. She thinks she doesn't want them.”

“If that's what she thinks, and that's what she says,” Anna said matter-of-factly, “then she doesn't. Believe her. Guys always think they can talk women into it, but they can't. And if they do, it's a huge mistake.”

“Is that what happened to you?” He sounded puzzled, and he didn't agree with what she said. He still thought he could talk Meredith into having a baby, she was just nervous about it. Anna didn't know her. But he had always thought Meredith would be a great mother, if she gave herself the chance.

“Nope,” Anna answered him honestly. She was always honest with him. It was her style, and she liked him. “I got knocked up. Plain and simple. We'd been dating for about two months, and zap, bingo. He was panicked. And I wasn't too happy either.”

“Why didn't you have an abortion? It would have been simpler.”

“Lots. I'm Catholic. I didn't want to. I couldn't afford it. I always thought I could, if I had to. But I couldn't. My father went nuts. My mother cried. My sisters felt sorry for me. My brothers wanted to kill him. It wasn't my favorite time in my life. I was going to go back to Puerto Rico after my residency, you know, to help my own people, take care of the poor. I thought about specializing in tropical diseases for a while, but it's better for me here, working in the ER. Anyway, it's too complicated to go back to Puerto Rico now. It's easier for me here. Easier for them too. They don't have to apologize for me, or lie about Felicia. My father tells people I'm a widow.” It was amazing sometimes the things families did to each other, but nothing surprised Steve anymore. He had heard too many stories. And hers didn't surprise him either. He just felt sorry for her. She was on her own, in tough circumstances, and somehow she managed. It was such a far cry from Meredith with her big job, and huge salary, the stock portfolio she had put together for them, and their comfortable apartment. It made him feel more than a little guilty as he listened. His life was so much easier than Anna's. It made him want to help her in some way, but there wasn't much he could do for her, except get her a real job in the trauma unit one day, instead of just a locum tenens. “What about you?” she asked him then. “Do you ever think of doing anything else? Private practice? Or maybe working in a clinic in a Third World country?”

“Only in my worst nightmares,” he smiled at her and she laughed. “This is bad enough. I don't need snakes and parasites to make it any worse for me. Is that what you want to do when you grow up, Anna?”

“Yeah. One day. Maybe when Felicia's older. I can't do that with her now. That was my specialty as a resident, infectious diseases. But after Felicia was born, I switched to ER work and stayed in New York. It's safer.”

“That's a depressing statement. If you don't get shot here, you never will. It's safer on the subway after dark than it is here, all those nuts who shoot each other eventually wind up here and could come after you.”

“But at least Felicia has a normal life. I can't give her that working in the Third World.”

It was a point, but Steve knew that life was also not easy for them here.

They worked together day after day, and Steve grew fonder and fonder of her. The brittle outer shell was only skin deep, and inside there was an extraordinary, sensitive woman. And the packaging wasn't bad either. He saw her leave in jeans and a T-shirt one night, and a ski jacket, with her hair down, and she was stunning. He couldn't even begin to imagine how great she would look in real clothes, with makeup. But she never wore either, she didn't have them, and didn't want them. She was a totally natural woman, with an incredible body, a fine mind, and a kind heart.

By mid-January they were fast friends, and he had come to rely on her. She was a person you could count on, and he did, often. She was hard on him at times, when she thought he was wrong about something, and she wasn't afraid to argue with him. But what surprised him most was that he liked that about her. She had her own opinions, and she voiced them with ease. Once in a while, she even shouted at him in Spanish, which amused him.

Once she called him “hijo de putana,” and he thanked her and said no one had ever said anything as beautiful to him, which incensed her.

“I called you the son of a whore, for chrissake.”

“Shit, Anna, I thought you were telling me you loved me.” It made her laugh, and the argument was over. Besides, as he reminded her frequently, he outranked her.

“That doesn't mean you can push me around,” she pointed out to him and he was philosophical about it.

“That's right, unfortunately. But I can have a hell of a lot of fun trying,” he said with a grin.

“You're hopeless.” She loved to fume at him just to let off steam, but it was also obvious how much she liked and respected him.

She was happy for him when his wife came to town. But it was a difficult weekend for Meredith and Steve. They were trying desperately to make their lives mesh with the little time they had with each other, and it seemed to be getting more challenging from week to week. Steve was in surgery all night before Meredith arrived, and when he met her he was irritable from lack of sleep. She had gone out of her way to make the weekend nice for him. She'd brought the sourdough bread he loved, fresh crab, and two bottles of an excellent California wine. But he was too tired to eat or drink, and after they argued over petty irritations over lunch, he wound up sleeping all afternoon. Meredith hung around the house waiting for him to get up, but it was nine o'clock that night when he finally did.

They chatted for a couple of hours, and things were better than they had been earlier in the day, but there was no denying that the atmosphere between them was different than it had once been. They felt like strangers with each other now at times, and they were increasingly aware that they lived in separate worlds. It was no longer as easy falling into step with each other, and they seemed constantly out of sync.

By the time Meredith flew back to California on Sunday night, they were both depressed, and the treats she'd brought him from San Francisco were still untouched in the fridge. And an hour after Meredith left, Anna called and invited Steve to dinner at her place. On an impulse, he brought the bread and wine and fresh crab with him.

Her apartment was a tiny hole in the wall, with barely enough heat, a cracked window the landlord had refused to repair, and an army of cockroaches scurrying everywhere, just above 102nd Street, but it was the best she could do for herself and her daughter. It shocked him to realize that this was how she lived. Particularly knowing that the father of her child had a trust fund.

“It's no big deal,” she said to him, but it was, and they both knew it. But something about her dignity and pride and stubbornness touched him deeply. And the little girl was adorable and was a blond version of her mother. She looked just like her and when she didn't like something her mother said, she stamped her foot and told Anna she was naughty.

“She's got your personality. You're going to have your hands full in a few years.”

“I know,” Anna smiled proudly. “Her father was a real wuss, but cute though,” she said and Steve laughed at the description. But something about him must have appealed to Anna, his looks or his brains, or his distinguished origins. Knowing Anna, it was unlikely that it was his money. She didn't seem to care about that much. Steve would have liked to invite them to his place for dinner, but he was embarrassed by the extravagance of his apartment. It was easier for him to come here. Anna was embarrassed by the crab and the wine he'd brought, but enjoyed them anyway, and they talked late that night about the stresses of living three thousand miles from his wife. Anna was sympathetic, and sorry for him. And when he went home that night, Steve realized he'd had a lot to drink, but in spite of that, they had both behaved. He and Anna were just good friends.

He missed Meredith when he went to bed, and wanted to call and tell her he was sorry the weekend hadn't been better than it was, but he realized, as he glanced at his watch, that she was still on the plane. He thought about leaving a message on her machine, but he was tired and a little drunk, and went to sleep instead.

He saw Anna and Felicia again for dinner later that week, after they had worked together all day. He took them to a deli near her place for sandwiches and ice cream. Felicia had a great time with both of them, and afterward he walked them home and read the newspaper while Anna put Felicia to bed. It was easy and relaxing just being with them.

“You're a good guy, you know,” she said, when she walked back into the living room and sat on her broken couch next to him. “Your wife is a fool to leave you on the loose here.” They were both tired, but comfortable in the tiny living room. It had been a nice evening after a long, hard day.

“She doesn't have any choice for the moment,” he said honestly, “as long as I can't find a job in California. We have no choice, Anna,” he said, looking glum, thinking about it again.

“There's got to be something for you out there, Steve,” she said sympathetically, as he tried not to stare at the way she looked in a T-shirt and leggings. It was beside the point. The friendship they shared was important to both of them.

“That's what I keep telling myself, too, that there's got to be a job in San Francisco for me, but so far nothing.” He had called all the hospitals in San Francisco to tell them he was available. “I'm almost getting used to it.” But his words didn't convince either of them and it didn't help that the next week Meredith was off to Hawaii for her retreat, so it would be another two weeks before he could see her again.

“Doesn't that bother you?” Anna asked thoughtfully about Hawaii. “Do you worry about her getting involved with the guy she works for?” She asked him questions sometimes that probed too deep and made him uncomfortable, but forced him to think. And he always answered her honestly, no matter how much it hurt.

“I worry about it sometimes. He's a good-looking guy, and I like him actually. But I trust her. Merrie wouldn't do that.”

Anna was polite enough not to tell him that she wasn't so sure. People were people, and if they got lonely enough, they did foolish things. “We've never cheated on each other.”

“I admire that about you,” she said honestly. She knew how lonely he was, and how unhappy, but he had never made a pass at her, or implied anything, or even given her the impression that he would have. Meredith was a lucky woman. Maybe they both were. She hoped so, for his sake.

“I just don't believe in fooling around. Besides, Meredith would know. I think being straight about it is the only way we can do this.” It had been almost four months since she'd left New York, and living bicoastally was the greatest challenge they'd ever faced. It meant he never had anyone to do things with on weekends, when she was in California, or talk to at night when he got home, or complain to when things were difficult at work, or laugh with, or make love to in the morning. It was hard as hell, but it was only temporary, and they knew that. He didn't want to do anything stupid that would permanently screw up their marriage. And he had said as much to Anna.

“Well, you'd better get your ass out there one of these days, Steve, before one of you gets too lonely, or has too many drinks at a party one night, and blows it.”

“I know,” he nodded. He had actually been thinking about the ER job at San Francisco General ever since Meredith left the previous weekend. It was just getting too difficult to be apart. “She offered to give up her job a few weeks ago, and come back, but I don't want her to do that. It's a great job, and it wouldn't be fair to her,” he said with a sigh.

“You're a nice guy, Steve Whitman. I just hope she deserves you.”

“She does,” he assured her. But when he went home that night, he found himself thinking of Anna and the hard life she led, in the cockroach-infested apartment she shared with her daughter. She deserved so much better. It was hard to accept how unfair life was at times. He and Meredith had so much, and people like Callan Dow and Anna's ex-husband had more, and she had so little, almost nothing. And yet she didn't seem to mind it. She believed in the integrity of what she was doing.

And as he went to bed alone that night, as usual now, he found himself thinking of what she had said, about Meredith going to Hawaii on her retreat, and whether or not he minded. And the fact that one of these days one of them would get too lonely, or have too many drinks, or maybe worse yet meet someone they cared about. The prospect of it was terrifying, if he really thought about it. But he also knew that for him or Meredith at least, that could never happen. But he lay awake for a long time that night, thinking about Meredith at first, and then about Anna and Felicia. And he was glad that they were friends. In a short time, they had come to mean a lot to him.

Chapter 13

THE RETREAT THAT Callan had planned for Dow Tech's senior management was scheduled to last four days, and was booked into the Mauna Lani, on the island of Hawaii. More than thirty of his staff had been invited to attend, and eighteen of them were bringing spouses. It was a large group, and managing the arrangements was like organizing the transport of an invading army. Meals had to be planned, activities for every night, luaus, dinner parties, hula displays, and of course meetings.

By the day before they left, Meredith was ready to throw them all out the window. And when she complained to Cal about it, he thought it was funny.

“People turn into children when they go somewhere,” she moaned, as they went over the last details for the meetings. They had to be planned in the morning, so people could play tennis or golf, go to the beach, take island tours, or go shopping. The meetings weren't supposed to be too long, too demanding, or too boring. In truth, it was more of an excuse to get everyone acquainted, but suddenly there were requests for special rooms, special meals, and in two cases, massages.

“Just do the best you can,” he told Meredith and the two women who were in charge of arrangements. Meredith was involved, because she had to keep track of expenses, and he trusted her judgment.

“Why don't we just send everyone a check, and tell them to go to Las Vegas for the weekend?” Meredith grumbled.

“We'll try that next year,” Cal agreed, remaining good humored. He was looking forward to it, and only sorry he couldn't take his children. He knew the hotel well, had been there before with them, and knew they would have loved it. But this trip was strictly for adults, although they were behaving like high school kids going on tour with the school band. Before they even left, there were squabbles about room assignments. Several people were familiar with the hotel, and had preferences about floors, corners, heights, views, and air conditioning.

Meredith had told Steve about it, and asked if he wanted to come. But he was on call, and he knew she'd be busy. And with his schedule, he really couldn't get away.

“I'm going to miss you,” she said to him on the phone the night before they left.

“You won't even know I'm not there. It sounds like you'll have your hands full keeping everyone happy.” He was pleased for her. It sounded like a nice change, and in spite of the headaches, he was sure she'd enjoy it. Meredith was far less certain. Everyone had been real pains in the neck so far.

But on the day they left, as they congregated in the airport wearing everything from Hawaiian shirts to white linen suits, they were all in good spirits. It looked like a traveling cocktail party, and when she finally settled into her seat on the plane next to Cal, in first class, she was exhausted. Only a handful of them were traveling first class, the chief officers of the company. The others were in coach, in a large block of seats she had gotten for them at a healthy discount.

“Do I want to know what this is costing us?” Cal asked her with a look of amusement, as a flight attendant served them champagne, and Meredith declined it. At nine in the morning, it was just too early, and she asked for coffee instead.