Just Trust Me…

19

THE NEXT morning, Kayla walked carefully along the dirt trail as the group made their way single-file through a narrow pass toward their first stop of the day, the ruins of Runkuracay.

She knew Brett walked directly behind her and was probably ogling her butt-knowledge that should have made her smile, but instead pulled a frown between her brows and added another rock to the heavy weight already pressing upon her heart.

After enjoying a good night’s sleep, basking in the luscious sensation of awakening in Brett’s arms, a delicious bout of morning sex followed by a scrumptious breakfast, she should have been happy. Yet as many times as she told herself that, she remained troubled. A deepening sense of distress snaked through her, one that grew stronger with each passing hour because each passing hour brought her closer to the time when she and Brett would go their separate ways.

No more waking up in his arms. No more laughter or lopsided grins or enjoying his company or watching his eyes darken with desire for her. No more curling up against him after making love and just listening to his heart beat.

No more Brett.

And that knowledge, the absolute certainty that the end to this magical time with him grew closer with each passing minute, ticked in her mind like a giant, evil clock, mocking her, sneering at her, reminding her that not only would it end, but any feelings he had for her would go the way of the dinosaur.

Because, of course, he’d believe she’d only gotten close to him, slept with him, to gain information for La Fleur, for which she couldn’t blame him. How could she? The reality was that she’d followed him to another continent with the sole purpose of spying on him. Of finding out about him and his formula and steering him toward La Fleur. Of dishing out some payback for a perceived wrong. If the situations were reversed, it’s certainly what she’d think.

But her mission now left an impossibly bitter taste in her mouth. One that burned like acid every time she swallowed.

Maybe she should just tell him the truth. Hope he’d understand. But why would he? Why should he? No, he’d just toss her aside sooner rather than later and these last couple of days on the trail would turn into a nightmare-one that would continue back in New York after Nelson found out she’d spilled the beans. There’d be no more talk of bonuses, perks, or a promotion. Hell, she’d probably lose her job. Even if Nelson didn’t fire her, certainly her work environment would turn uncomfortable.

Bottom line was that regardless of what she did, at the end of this adventure, because of her actions, Brett was lost to her. And that harsh truth filled her with such an aching, profound sense of loss, she could barely catch her breath-in a way that had nothing to do with the thin air.

And on top of that sense of loss was her deep shame at her own actions. When, precisely, had she turned into the sort of person who would spy on someone else? Look through their belongings? Seek revenge, especially for a merely perceived wrong, and most especially without finding out all the facts?

She’d always prided herself on her integrity and sense of fair play, yet sometime during this past year, since she’d been promoted to director-and most recently during this past week-she’d become someone she didn’t like very much. Someone who was willing to do things she knew in her soul weren’t honorable, all in the name of furthering her career.

No, that wasn’t a person she liked at all. Not a person Brett would admire if he knew the truth. And he deserved better. Because he was, without a doubt, a decent, good man. A kind and honorable man. The sort of man a woman could envision herself sharing a future with.

A man she could have fallen in love with.

If her actions hadn’t doomed them from the start.

Could have fallen? her inner voice asked with a derisive snort. Don’t you mean have fallen in love with?

She rubbed her temple in a vain attempt to stave off the headache the torturous question threatened. Had she fallen in love? God help her, she was so confused she didn’t know what she felt anymore, but she greatly feared she had. How foolish could she possibly be?

She barely resisted the urge to thump herself on the head. She’d suffered through this extreme trek with the hopes of regaining some balance in her life, but instead, because of her actions, the fact that she’d fallen for a man she couldn’t have, and the added bonus that her conscience was eating her alive, she felt more out of balance now than she ever had before.

And, to add insult to injury, they’d barely begun today’s nine and half miles and already every muscle protested. And her hair looked like a rat’s nest. And her nose was sunburned. And her back itched. And damn it, she had to pee.

The day was not off to a good start.

An hour later, after viewing the small, circular ruins at Runkuracay, which were thought to be a way post for couriers and stabling facilities for their animals, they continued their strenuous climb toward the top of the second pass, Abra de Runkuracay, then began the steep descent into the valley which contained a shallow, picturesque lake. They enjoyed a light snack, for which the group was especially grateful as the descent had been particularly hard on their tired knees.

When they started off again, Paolo said, “Here the trail changes from dirt path to a narrow stone roadway, which is the original work of the Incas, and the start of the true Inca Trail.”

Even though her soul remained troubled, Kayla couldn’t deny the sense of wonder that infused her as they walked along the ancient Incas’ path. The scenery was particularly breathtaking, with vistas of the mountains and valley below.

While the hike was not as brutally grueling as the previous day’s, it was still exhausting, and Kayla was grateful for the numerous stops to view ruins along the way. They climbed, then descended to the Inca ruins at Sayacmarca-which translated to Town in a Steep Place, a perfect name as far as she was concerned.

Then, more climbing and descending, passing magnificent flora-orchids, tree ferns and hanging mosses-to Phuyupatamarca, or Town in the Clouds, which everyone agreed was the most impressive site so far. The only way to access it was to navigate a steep flight of stone stairs. Leaving the ruins involved a plummeting descent down a flight of over two thousand stone steps. When they reached the bottom, she said to the group, “I’m ready to call in an orthopedic surgeon for an estimate on knee replacement.”

Everyone laughingly agreed. “Can’t,” Paolo said with his bright smile. “No cell service.”

She shot him “the look.” “Thanks for that reminder.”

Her guilt increased throughout the day because of Brett’s thoughtful solicitousness. He chatted with her, held her hand, helped her down those stairs from hell, each gesture making her feel like a bigger rat. Unable to stand the self-reproach, on the pretext of asking Paolo a question, she moved to the front of the line, away from Brett, then remained there-but only hated herself even more for the dishonesty of the ploy.

After a hearty lunch of cured ham, mountain cheese and dried fruit, during which she made a point of conversing with the other hikers, they continued for several more hours, walking through ethereal cloudforest until they arrived at Huinay Huayna, named for the gorgeous perpetually blooming pink orchid of the same name. Paolo then announced he had a surprise for them, and led them a short way back along the trail to a tin-roofed building.

It wasn’t the most attractive of places, ramshackle and jarringly out of place amongst all the pristine beauty, but when Paolo announced that hot showers and toilets were available inside, a collective cheer went up.

“A bathroom, Brett,” she said to him, her voice filled with a piteous awe she couldn’t control. “An actual bathroom. With a shower. And hot water. Oh, glorious day!”

He cast a dubious look at the rundown building. “I’m thinking it’s not going to be like the Ritz Carlton.”

“I don’t care. I’ve never been so glad to hear the words bathroom and shower in my entire life.”

“Glad you’re happy. Especially since you’ve seemed sort of…not happy all day.” His gaze searched hers. “Is everything okay?”

No. “Yes.” At this point, what was one more lie?

He lightly grasped her arm, then led her several steps away from the others. When he looked at her again, there was no mistaking the mixture of concern and confusion in his eyes. “Kayla…did I say something, do something, to upset you?”

She immediately shook her head, then reached out and placed her hand against his whisker-roughened cheek. “No. You’ve been…perfect.”

“But something’s wrong. Can I help?”

She briefly squeezed her eyes shut. Yes. Stop being so nice to me. So wonderful. So generous. So understanding. I’m not the honest person you think I am.

When she opened her eyes, she drew a deep breath, then said, “Thank you, but as much as I appreciate the offer, I need to work it out on my own.” She offered him a weak smile. “I guess all this exposure to nature and peace and quiet has forced me to do some serious self-evaluation, and I’ve discovered, much to my chagrin, that I’ve come up short in a few areas.”

Comprehension dawned in his eyes. “I’d lay odds that everyone here is in the same boat, myself included. A trip like this offers the time and setting conducive to reflection, which is exactly the change that’s needed to gain balance back in our lives.” He raised her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles. “If it’s any consolation, I think you’re terrific.”

To her utter mortification, hot tears pushed behind her eyes. “Thank you. And I think you’re…extraordinary.” And, God, I’m going to miss you so much.

“Thanks.” He gave the air an exaggerated sniff then wrinkled his nose. “Of course, I’ll think you’re even more terrific after you’ve showered.”

Although the facilities were stark and rundown, to Kayla they represented the height of comfort. She luxuriated in her shower, soaping herself twice from head to toe, then dressing in her most comfortable jeans and softest sweatshirt. While the shower hadn’t cleansed away any emotional dirt, at least she felt physically clean.

Dinner that night was a gala affair. Ana, Alberto and Miguel had hiked ahead of the group in order to set up the kitchen tent and campsite early. Their meal consisted of pachamanca, a classic Inca dish distinguished by its method of underground cooking. Meat, potatoes, cheese, peppers and herbs were baked in a hole in the ground over hot stones, with banana leaves placed between the layers of food.

“The act of cooking in the ground was symbolic for the Incas,” Paolo explained while they enjoyed the delicious meal. “Because they worshipped the earth, to eat directly from it was a way of honoring Pachamama, Mother Earth, and giving thanks for her bounty.”

After dinner, over coffee around the campfire, Paolo said, “On this, the last night of our journey together, I always encourage everyone to talk about the trip thus far-what you’ve learned, what you think will stick in your minds as memorable years from now when you look back on your hike.” He nodded toward Dan Smith, who’d kept mostly to himself over the past two days, and said, “You went last on our first night, señor, so I invite you to begin this evening.”

Everyone’s attention turned to Dan, and as it had the first night, it took him a moment to answer. “This trip has shown me that there are places in the world that go beyond just looking beautiful. These last few days, I’ve cherished every step, every aching muscle, every extraordinary thing I’ve seen. I’ve also missed Marcie so much I could barely breathe. She would have loved this place, but would have despised the bathroom tent. Probably even more than Kayla.”

His gaze flicked to Kayla who, the entire group agreed, hated the bathroom tent more than anyone else, and the ghost of a smile touched his lips. “My Marcie loved a long soak in the tub.”

He cleared his throat. “So I learned I could miss her even more than I thought possible. I learned that it doesn’t take long for strangers to feel like family, especially when you’re all trying to accomplish the same difficult task.”

Again his gaze settled on Kayla and an invisible camaraderie passed between them, squeezing her heart in sympathy for the kindly man. “And I learned that it helps to know other people understand exactly how I feel. Long after the scenery has faded from my memory and I can no longer even see the pictures I’ve taken, I’ll remember how good the accomplishment of this hike, the tranquility of this place and the kindness you people made me feel.”

His comments were met with a round of applause. When the clapping died down, Paolo nodded toward Bill and Eileen, indicating they were next.

“Most memorable so far for me,” Bill said, “is the way this place has made me think about history. Eileen and I have been to Rome where we spent a day visiting the Forum and the Coliseum and it certainly gave you a sense of ancient times. But you were also surrounded by the very busy, very modern city of Rome. Here, there’s nothing but nature for days on end, nothing to pull you out of the past.” He winced and rolled his neck. “And based on all my aches and pains, I learned that I’m not as young as I used to be.”

“I second that bit about the aches and pains,” Eileen said. “Most memorable for me will be the quiet of this place. In our hectic, busy lives at home, there’s rarely quiet. Between work, our boys, our students, the phone, the doorbell, the television, it’s just always so noisy. I’ve really enjoyed the utter stillness and quietness here.”

After another round of applause, Paolo pointed to Brett. “How about you, señor? Have you found the balance you mentioned seeking on our first night?”

Kayla turned toward Brett, who sat next to her, and stared at his handsome profile. His dark hair gleamed in the golden firelight, and her fingers itched to glide along the tempting plane of his freshly shaved jaw.

“I haven’t completely regained my balance because I haven’t been able to focus all my energies on deciding what I want to do about my formula.” His lips quirked upward. “I’ve been too busy trying not pass out from lack of oxygen or slide down two thousand stone steps on my butt.”

Laughter and nods of commiseration greeted his words. “I’ve also been a bit preoccupied by a certain beautiful lady,” he said, turning to smile at Kayla.

A group “awww” sounded and another knife of guilt stabbed into Kayla’s gut.

After shooting her a wink, Brett turned back to the fire. “But in spite of not making the actual decision, my being here, away from the phone and e-mail and craziness, has cleared my mind so that when I return home, I’ll be better prepared to make it. Everything else has fallen into place, into balance here, so I’m confident the decision regarding my formula will follow suit. As for what I’ll recall as most memorable…”

Again he turned toward Kayla, and the look in his eyes stilled her. Dear God, he was looking at her in a way that made everyone, everything else dissolve. As if no one existed except them. As if she were the most beautiful, desirable woman he’d ever seen.

“I can sum up most memorable in one word,” he said softly. With his serious gaze steady on hers, he lifted her hand to his lips and kissed the back of her fingers. “Kayla.”

For several long seconds, the only sound was the snapping of the flames while she stared into his beautiful eyes and pretended her heart hadn’t twisted into a hard, painful knot. Then someone whistled through their teeth and everyone applauded, jerking her back from the private place where only she and Brett existed. A place where nothing could come between them.

An impossible place that didn’t exist.

“That is so romantic,” Ashley said, giving Shawn an exaggerated jab with her elbow.

“It will be difficult to top what your man said,” Paolo told Kayla with a smile.

Your man. The words ricocheted through her, filling her with a dull ache as she realized just how much she wished they were true.

Tears welled in her eyes, and she looked down to hide them. A single droplet plopped on her hand, and she watched it trail over her skin before clearing her throat to rid it of the lump which had lodged there. “This…this has been the single most challenging and fulfilling experience of my life. The no change, no gain mantra that brought me here has proven very prophetic. What I think I’ll always remember about this adventure is how much I discovered about myself. Some of which I like, some of which I don’t.”

She blinked back more tears, and in an attempt at lightening a situation that threatened to emotionally crush her, added, “I also learned how much I take the everyday niceties of life-like indoor plumbing-for granted.” She then turned and looked at Brett. Their gazes met and her throat closed off. But she couldn’t not mention him. “And of course, I’ll always remember Brett,” she whispered, scarcely able to find her voice. “Brett, who is…unforgettable.”

Yes, she’d always remember him-with a deep ache in her heart for what they’d shared and what might have been if they’d met under different circumstances.

When the applause quieted, Paolo nodded toward Ashley.

“Since I met Shawn, I’ve taken a lot of camping trips, but this one is, by far, the most strenuous and exhausting. But also the most beautiful. I’ll never forget the feeling of pride and accomplishment I experienced when I looked back from Dead Woman’s Pass at the trail we’d hiked. And what I’ve learned is really just a reconfirmation of something I already knew-that I’d rather be exhausted from hiking and living in primitive conditions with Shawn than hanging out at some ritzy resort with anyone else.” She leaned over and planted a noisy kiss on his cheek, and the group whooped, whistled and clapped.

After the noise died down, Shawn said, “Well, I’m really glad to hear you say that, babe, because what I’ve learned on this adventure is really just a reconfirmation of something I already knew-that I never want to be without you. And I’m hoping that the next moment will be our most memorable of this trip.” He shifted off the log bench onto one knee, then slipped a small, square box from his pocket. He opened it and a diamond ring sparkled in the firelight.

“Ashley, I knew you were ‘the one’ the first time I saw you. You’re my best friend, my best girl and I love you. Will you marry me?”

Kayla, along with everyone else, silently watched Ashley’s eyes widen. Her gaze bounced between Shawn and the ring several times, then, with a sound that was half laugh, half sob, she flung her arms around him and buried her face against his neck.

“I take it that’s a yes,” Brett leaned over to whisper in Kayla’s ear.

“That’s my guess,” she whispered back.

“Yes!” Shawn shouted, jumping to his feet and dragging Ashley up with him. “She said yes!”

Everyone offered their congratulations to the beaming couple and admired the solitaire ring. Shawn pulled a bottle of champagne from the bottom of his backpack, exclaiming, “This bottle’s been burning a hole in my backpack this entire hike.”

“Good thing I said yes,” Ashley teased, “because now your pack will be considerably lighter.”

After pouring some champagne into everyone’s coffee mug, Shawn raised his and said, “A toast to my beautiful bride-to-be.”

“Who promises to look much more beautiful than I do right now when the big day actually arrives,” Ashley added with a happy smile.

After the champagne was finished, and good-nights were said, everyone headed off to get ready for bed. Once Kayla and Brett were ensconced in the intimate coziness of their tent, he remarked, “Nice way to end the evening. Glad she didn’t say no. He was pretty nervous.”

“How do you know?”

“He told me what he planned to do.”

“Really? When?”

“This morning. While we performed that centuries-old male bonding ritual of pissing in the woods. I think he just needed to get it off his chest. And to hear someone tell him he was doing the right thing.”

Her brows shot up. “And you told him he was? I thought the centuries-old male bonding ritual was for men to talk other men out of proposing.”

“Maybe some males, but not me. He’s crazy in love with her, and even a blind guy can see she’s crazy in love with him. I told him to go for it.”

He pulled his shirt over his head and she was momentarily distracted by the sight of all those lovely rippling muscles.

She licked her lips then said, “I’m glad it all worked out. And it certainly brought the evening to a memorable end.”

Reaching out, he pulled her into his arms and nuzzled her neck with his warm lips. His erection pressed against her belly, shooting heat straight to her core. “I vote we bring the evening to our own memorable end.”

“Hmmm. Now that’s a reason to celebrate.”

Yet even as her lips parted for his kiss, heaviness invaded her heart. She knew the celebration would soon be over.