Knight

Chapter Fifteen Fuck Monster

It was a sunny day but hazy. The bright green grass, fluttering insects, dripping willows and daisies dotting the lawn looked like they were seen through a filtered lens on a camera.

I lifted the delicate china cup and sipped my tea.

“You never pay attention.”

My head jerked and sitting with me at the table with an elaborate tea service on it, a tiered plate of perfectly decorated petit fours was my aunt. Her lined, sneering face was topped with a huge, wide brimmed, heavily decorated, absurd hat.

“What?” I asked.

“You never pay attention, Anya,” she snapped. “Look around. What do you see?”

I looked around then looked at her.

“Beauty,” I answered.

“Trash, Anya, it’s trash, you’re trash,” she leaned across the table, slamming her own tea cup down and hissed, “he’s trash.”

Then everything melted and she was sitting in her preposterous hat and all around her was tall, steaming, reeking piles of hideous trash.

I jerked awake, my eyes opening and I pulled in a breath thinking in that split second I hoped I didn’t wake Knight. He seriously hated it when I had a bad dream.

Since I was pressed to his side, head resting on his chest and his arm was around me, this hope was dashed quickly and I knew it when his arm got tight.

“Anya,” he growled, sleepy, sexy, rough and annoyed.

“I’m okay,” I whispered.

Nothing.

Then, “I change my mind, I’m glad that motherfucker bled out in the yard.”

Oh boy.

“What was this one about?” he asked.

The room was dark. I knew it was late since it was summer so dawn kissed Knight’s apartment early. But Knight had told me weeks ago that he wanted me to talk out each dream, thinking if I let it go, they’d eventually let go of me.

So far, this wasn’t working.

“It’s still dark, let’s go back to sleep,” I whispered.

“I won’t ask again.”

I sighed then I told him quickly about tea, filtered lenses, my aunt, her hat and trash.

“That fuckin’ cunt,” he grumbled, “follows you in your dreams.”

“I’m okay.”

Nothing, but his arm was still tight.

“Honey, seriously. I’m used to this. I’ve been having them for years,” I assured.

“We’re gonna see about you stoppin’ having them.”

Finally I lifted my head and looked at his shadowed face. “I’m used to them, sweetheart. But it bugs me that I wake you. Maybe I should sleep –”

I didn’t finish.

Knight’s arm got super tight and he pulled me on him and up so my face was at his.

“Don’t finish that. Not gonna happen.”

“Okay,” I whispered.

“We talk ‘em out.”

“Okay,” I repeated on a whisper.

“You had trash, her. Now you’re livin’ clean,” he informed me.

“Okay.”

“I had shit for a good while then I had good, Anya, and you’re still the most beautiful thing that’s touched my life. Mark that ‘cause it’s true. Ask Viv. Ask Sandrine. Ask Rhash. Ask Kurt. They all think the fuckin’ world of you. Mark that. Take that into your dreams.”

God, my boyfriend was so awesome.

“Okay, honey.”

I felt his eyes on me through the dark.

“That fuckin’ cunt, followin’ you in your dreams,” he muttered.

He still sounded pissed.

I needed to do something about that.

So I did.

My hand trailed down his chest, down to his abs and I nearly got to my destination before his fingers wrapped around my wrist.

“Where’s that goin’?” he growled.

“Your voice is sexy, sleepy rough,” I said softly. “I wanna hear you groan like that.”

“Don’t want your hand,” he stated.

Damn.

“Want your mouth.”

Yay!

“Get between my legs, baby.”

Oh yeah.

“Okay,” I whispered and his arm squeezed.

“Okay what?”

“Okay, Daddy.”

His hand let me go as he muttered, “Good, baby, now position and take Daddy in your mouth.”

I shifted and kissed his chest. I shifted again and kissed his tight abs. I shifted again and got between his legs. He cocked his knees and I saw he was stroking himself, preparing for me.

I took over and made my Daddy groan sexy, sleepy, rough.

I was walking from the coffeepot with my fresh mug of joe when Knight rounded the corner into the kitchen wearing an AC/DC tee and faded jeans.

I smiled at him.

One side of his lips tipped up then his eyes dropped immediately to my tee that was his tee. He was clearly headed to coffee and I was about to pass him but stopped when his arm went out, hooking me around my belly.

He pulled me to his front and I adjusted my coffee so we didn’t have spillage and second degree burns.

Then his hand dipped down and up so it was cupped on the bare skin of my bottom.

I stared into his eyes.

“Scary, crazy, hot punishment followed by fuckin’ my baby hard notwithstanding, this is definitely my favorite birthday present.”

It was a week and a half after his birthday and I was in his Black Sabbath tee.

“Cool,” I whispered, his lips twitched then his head dropped and he touched them to mine.

Then he let me go and went to coffee. I watched his ass move in his jeans then when he stopped and grabbed the pot, I moved out of the kitchen, skirted the sunken living room and out the opened glass door to sit on a cushy, streamlined gray cushion on his wrought iron furniture.

Plans were in high gear for the grand opening party of my spa that was two and a half weeks away. Mahleena was planning that too. Knight’s marketing firm was advertising it. I had hired staff. Manicures, pedicures, facials, body scrubs, massages and hair, the whole shebang. We even had a small steam sauna, a Jacuzzi and a shower. All low lighting (except the hair stations). Relaxing. Tranquil. The minute you entered, you got in the mood to let it all go and indulge.

I couldn’t wait.

I was still riding the high of Knight’s birthday. Not only was he moved by what I’d done for him, the next day, he took a birthday call from his Mom and Dad and he talked about me with me right there. And all he said was good.

He was Knight so it wasn’t flowery compliments but he did tell his Dad, his eyes on me, “She’s beautiful, Dad. You see her, you won’t believe your eyes. You’ll think you’re dreamin’.”

And I thought that was pretty flowery or at least it did a number on me.

He told them they had to come out to meet me or we’d be going to Hawaii soon so I could meet them.

When he got off the phone, he said to me, “Mom says ‘hi’ and she’s lookin’ forward to meetin’ you.”

I stopped myself from twirling, giggling and shouting, “Squee!” and just grinned and kissed him.

Then he kissed me.

Life was good. Even if I expected things, I’d never expect it to be as good as this.

And Knight gave all of it to me.

He came out with his mug and did what he did every morning when we sat out on his balcony. Therefore my chair was already in position because I quit the hassle of moving it back which also saved Knight the hassle of adjusting it when he made it to me.

He sat in a chair facing the Plexiglas-sided railing, hefted his long, muscled legs up to the top and crossed his ankles. My chair was angled to his so it was easy for him to hook an arm around both my legs and that was what he did before tossing them over his thighs.

I held my coffee aloft in another effort to avoid spillage until he leaned back in his chair and sipped so I knew it was safe. Then I leaned back in mine and did the same.

“Decided what I want for my birthday,” he stated and I blinked.

“Your birthday was over a week ago, Knight,” I told him something he already knew and his neck twisted so his pure, vibrant blue eyes were on me.

I’d never get used to those eyes, ever. And I hoped I had eternity to prove that true.

“You kicked my birthday’s ass so good, baby, I’ve decided to celebrate all month.”

A smile curved big, but on the inside.

On the outside I gave him a false frown.

“I could barely walk for three days what with you ‘doin’ me all the ways you could do me’, Knight. I’m still recovering.”

His brows went up.

“I fuck you hard thirty minutes ago?” he asked.

“Yes,” I answered.

“You suck me off in the middle of the night?” he pressed.

“Yes.”

“That last one, babe, your idea.” He looked back to the Front Range muttering, “You’re good.”

I so was.

“Whatever,” I muttered back, loving our banter, not about to tell him that and bringing my coffee to my lips. “What do you want for your birthday?”

“You’re movin’ in.”

I choked on coffee and his eyes came to me, brows drawn and he leaned toward me.

“You all right, baby?”

I patted my chest, swallowed and wheezed, “Yes,” then, “You want me to move in?”

He stared at me.

Then he said, “Babe, your ass has been in my bed every night for three months, you got a whole dresser to yourself and more than half the fuckin’ walk-in already. For a bitch who had no money, you got a fuckload of clothes.”

This was true. All of it. Though the last was partially his fault.

“How much is the rent?” I asked.

“Nothin’ considerin’ I own the place.”

“Okay, how much is the mortgage?” I amended.

“Why?” he asked.

“Because, if I move in, I need to know what my half is so I can budget,” I answered and instantly his head tipped back and he looked at the bottom of the balcony above us.

Then he chanted, “Jesus, fuck, fuck me. Jesus, fuck, fuck me.”

“Knight!” I snapped and his eyes sliced to me.

“You’re not paying half the mortgage,” he declared.

I opened my mouth but he moved quickly, his arm coming out, hand cupping my jaw, thumb pressing firm on my lips and I saw his eyes were deadly serious.

“This is not a discussion. On this you yield. You put in notice. You dump the shit from yard sales or that’s got rips in it or anything you bought on fuckin’ sale or anything anyone fuckin’ gave you unless it has special meaning. The rest of the shit, we’ll find places for it. You get me?”

He removed his thumb and I kept snapping, “That’ll take a box to move since everything is from yard sales, got rips in it, I bought it on sale or someone gave it to me.”

“Good, then it’ll take about an hour to move you in. We’ll do it today,” he returned immediately.

That was when I looked at the bottom of the balcony and asked, “Please, deliver me.”

“Anya, eyes,” he ordered and I cut my eyes to him but they were squinty. He ignored that and growled, “Yield.”

I didn’t yield.

I announced, “I can’t move in. The limited stuff I have that doesn’t fit in one of those categories is girlie and it won’t match your décor.”

“Babe, I live in a fuckin’ museum. Please, God, inject some personality in it.”

I blinked.

“Not flowers or pink,” he added then continued, “Or any of that white, chipped shit you got goin’ on.”

I stared at him.

Then I asked, “Anything else, Knight?”

He stared at me.

Then he answered, “Far’s I’m concerned, you can lose it all. The only thing I give a shit that you move permanently is you.”

That was a really good answer.

Still.

“You know, when you bring bossy into life and get so super generous I’ll be wracking my brains for a millennium for ways to be bad to give payback and it pisses me off, it then pisses me off more when you get sweet so I can’t be pissed anymore.”

“You know that didn’t make a fuckin’ lick of sense,” he told me.

I glared at him.

Then I turned my head and glared at the Front Range, muttering, “Whatever.”

Then I sipped coffee.

Then I heard, “Notice in and move your shit, Anya.”

“Okay, Knight.”

“Jesus, fuck, fuck me,” Knight muttered.

I took another sip of coffee. I did this calmly. But again, inside, I was twirling and screeching, “Squee!”

Then I announced to the mountains, “I feel a night out with Sandrine coming on.”

“Christ, she sucked me off in the middle of the night, I ate her and fucked her half an hour ago and she’s sittin’ in my tee, no panties, drinkin’ coffee, tryin’ to get me hard,” he griped.

My eyes went to him. “Your rule, honey. I can go put panties on.”

His eyes came to me. “You do, I get the strap.”

My legs shifted restlessly.

He stared at me.

Then he turned his head and muttered to the Range, “Fuck, I created a fuck monster.”

I felt my eyes bug out.

Then I burst out laughing.

The thin, high heels of my awesome sandals clicked on the floor as I wandered through the apartment. I did it smiling to myself because, it was turned low which might be a crime in some states, but I could hear Black Sabbath.

I turned the corner into the living room and saw Knight outside on the balcony, heels up on the railing, drinking coffee and smoking a cigarette. I knew while I’d showered and got ready to face the day he’d probably moved to refresh his cup. Other than that, no.

It was one of the things I loved about him. Comfortable in his own company. He had very little downtime, what little he had he spent with me but if there were moments like this, he didn’t need to fill them with books or TV. Just music, coffee (or a beer or a vodka rocks), his smokes and himself.

Like everything about Knight, I thought it was hot.

His neck twisted and his eyes came to me when he heard my approach. His eyes to me, I watched him crush his cigarette in the ashtray.

I got close, his head went back, he moved his mug to his other hand so his hand closest to me could curl around my hip and I leaned in to touch my mouth to his.

I pulled back an inch and said softly, “Gonna check in at the spa.”

“Right,” he muttered.

“Can I ask you to think about something while I’m gone?” I requested.

“Anything,” he told me and I lifted a hand to his neck as I felt my face get soft.

“Think of something I can do to contribute to our home. I get you wanna look out for me but what you need to get is I need to do that. Groceries. Utilities. Paying the cleaners. Something. Until my spa becomes the whopping success I’m gonna make it be, I know with this place I can’t afford to go halfsies and you’ll never let me do that anyway. But I need to do something.”

I knew he was stuck on the beginning of what I said when his eyes drifted to my mouth and he whispered, “Our home.”

My fingers at his neck gave him a squeeze and I whispered back, “Honey.”

His eyes came to mine and he told me quietly, “We’ll talk about it tonight.”

My man. He loved me and he’d give me anything.

I smiled at him and replied, “Okay.”

His eyes dropped back to my mouth.

“Want that mouth again before you go.”

I gave it to him. His fingers drove into my hair, holding me to him and he plundered it.

Then, after throwing him a smile over my shoulder as I walked away, I went.

“See you later!” I called as I walked down the hall at the top level of my spa.

“Later!” one of the two dudes who were finishing up the steam room shouted back.

I grinned and wandered down the softly lit hall with its dark wood paneling.

Mahleena’s plant people were coming that day. Plants. That meant we were close to opening. Live bamboo, mostly. The feel was clean, rich, warm, expensive with a hint of Oriental. Very little color as Mahleena liked it with touches of warm reds at my demand. Mostly because they reminded me of Knight.

I wandered down the curving staircase and looked across the open area, it’s snug, paneled nail stations, pedicure lounges and open hair stations with the tall mirrors and lights dangling.

“Awesome,” I whispered, got to the bottom and wandered through to the high reception desk that was built out of thin panels of dark wood and set away from but at an angle to the front door.

I moved behind it. The phone had already been installed. The computer system was being installed the next day. If Mahleena or any of the workmen left me non-urgent notes, they put them there. I’d done a walkthrough when I arrived without going back there and had gotten caught up with talking to the boys so I was checking for notes before I left.

Then a trill shivered up my neck and it wasn’t the kind Knight gave me. Like they were guided by unseen forces, my head came up and my eyes moved out the huge, plate glass windows at the front of my place to the street and I sucked in breath.

Nick was walking down the street, looking over his shoulder at something not me but toward my spa. I didn’t like this. This wasn’t the coincidental scenario Knight threw out of me seeing Nick on the street. He was there for a reason. I knew it.

I shrugged my bag off my shoulder to the reception desk in order to grab my phone when the door to my spa opened. My back went straight and my eyes went to the door.

A heavyset man about an inch or two taller than me with a receding hairline, a deep tan and a gold chain tangling with the profuse amount of hair that grew up from his chest was walking in, eyes to me. I didn’t like the look of him. Not at all.

Seedy.

No, sleazy.

“Sorry,” I told him, “we’re not open yet.”

“Anya Gage?” he asked, not faltering a single step in walking to me.

Keeping my gaze on him, I opened the snap on my bag and dug in for my space age phone.

“Can I help you?” I asked.

“I’m Drake Nair.”

I knew no Drake Nair and by the look of him, I knew I never wanted to.

I found the phone and pulled it out, lifting up my hand so he could see. His eyes dropped to it then came back to me when I spoke.

“And what can I do for you, Mr. Nair?”

He had stopped four feet away from the desk. “I’m Knight’s ex-partner.”

A surprise and not the good kind.

I held it together and didn’t even blink.

“Yes?” I prompted.

He studied me.

I informed him on a warning, “There are two men working upstairs, Mr. Nair.”

“Not surprised,” he muttered, still studying me and not talking about not being surprised about men working in my place.

“Mr. Nair, I have things to do,” I stated. “Would you like to tell me why you’re here?”

He focused more fully on me and replied, “You asked me to guess ten years ago, I would say you’re exactly what he wanted but I wouldn’t say you’re what he could get.”

I kept my back straight, my eyes on him and my hand curled on my phone. What I didn’t do was speak.

He did.

“Still. Boy was a magnet for pussy, fuck, they were all over him. You know, they wanted him to drive stock?”

“I assume you’re referring to Knight and since I don’t know you, I’d prefer not to discuss him with you.”

He ignored me. “Girl, stock, that’s the big time. He woulda owned it. Way he looks? He didn’t even have to win. Big time investors and endorsements would be creamin’ their jeans to have their logos on his car, his suit, his face in their magazine ads.”

“Mr. Nair –”

“Live quiet,” he whispered Knight’s words and I shut up. “Minute it started heatin’ up for him ‘cause ‘a the way he looked, the fact he won almost every fuckin’ race he was in, fuckin’ fearless, fuckin’ crazy, he bailed and went into business with me.”

“It would seem you’re determined to say what you have to say but it would be nice if you got down to saying it. Like I told you, I have things to do.”

“Took it all from me,” he said softly and that unhappy trill slid up my neck again. “Turned tail, went to Costa Rica. Does somethin’ to a man when another man makes a fool ‘a him. Not a fuckin’ dollar changed hands and he maneuvered it all right out from under me. Stole the whole fuckin’ thing. The club. The girls.”

My legs locked and my face must have changed because he smiled in a way I did not like.

“Oh yeah,” he said, still talking softly, “Nick guessed it.”

Oh God!

Nick!

Now that Sandrine had calmed her shit, he was going to be the death of me.

“Nick doesn’t know anything,” I snapped.

“Nick knows Knight sells pussy.”

I stopped breathing.

“Yeah,” he said, his tone eager, enjoying this and I knew I was giving it away. “You didn’t know. Good girl. Just lookin’ at you, I can see you’re sweet, honey. And have no clue your man sells pussy.”

Oh my God.

I didn’t move. I wanted to. I wanted to run. But I couldn’t.

Drake Nair wasn’t done.

“Took my club, took my stable. Those were,” he leaned in, lost it for a second and hissed, “my girls.” He leaned back, pulling himself together as he kept his eyes locked to me. Then, “Don’t know, have no fuckin’ clue how that boy’s mind works, but I figure he got into all that business with me knowin’ he was gonna steal my stable. He was always about the girls. So he took it all from me. You his woman, a sweet, classy, good girl, what I ‘spect he always wanted but never, knowin’ what that boy is, what he came from, who he’ll always be, would get. You gotta know, it makes me all kinds ‘a happy lookin’ at your face right now, knowin’ this struck deep, knowin’ you know you can get anybody so you don’t have to take a man who sells pussy.”

“If you wouldn’t mind,” I said softly, “I’d like you to leave.”

“Yeah, I bet you do. But I got one thing more to say.”

I opened my mouth but he walked swiftly to the desk and instead I took a step back, my fingers curling tight on my phone.

He put his hand on the desk and kept talking.

“You can get over that, I’ll give you this. He doesn’t only run pussy through my club, he runs drugs. You’re in bed with filth, Anya Gage. You don’t pull your shit together, like Knight Sebring was, is and always will be, that’s all you’ll ever be.”

And with that, he turned and walked out of my spa.

I stared at the door and did this a long time, my heart racing, my breath coming short.

Then I turned my head and looked out the windows where I last saw Nick.

He was there, standing looking through the windows, eyes on me.

Smiling.

He set that up. He set me up. He set his brother up.

Douchebag motherfucker.

I jerked my head away and walked as calmly as I could muster into one of the cordoned off nail stations and away from Nick Sebring’s eyes.

Then I deep breathed.

“Hold the fuck on.” I heard Vivica say in my head.

Okay, all right.

“You might hear fucked up shit about me from a variety of sources. But you talk to me before you react. I will confirm or deny, I will be honest and last, I will explain. If it’s shit I don’t want you to know yet, I’ll explain that too and you’ll wait until I’m ready. You feel you can’t, then, babe, you still fuckin’ talk… to… me before you leave me.”

Okay, all right.

Right.

Right.

I lifted my phone, activated the screen and called Knight.

He answered on ring two.

“Babe.”

“Drake Nair just left and he told me some things about you,” I whispered and I did it quickly, my voice breathy.

Silence. Total. Complete. A whirling void of terrifying nothing.

Then, softly, “I’m at the club. Come to me right now, baby.”

“Okay, Knight.”

“Right now, Anya, babe.”

“Okay,” I agreed quietly.

I disconnected, walked swiftly to the foot of the stairs and shouted loudly but still shakily, “I’m going, guys!”

“Later, Anya!”

“Later!”

I turned and walked quickly to the desk, shoved my phone in my purse, threw it on my shoulder and hustled out.

Then I hustled down the block to Slade. I’d been there during the day on occasion and it never failed to kind of freak me out. It was weird during the day.

I didn’t notice it then.

I just opened the door and walked into the cool, vast interior that seemed eerie not jammed with bodies, flashing with lights or drowned with music.

Almost instantly I saw Knight striding swiftly toward me.

I moved to him.

When we met, he didn’t say a word but grabbed my hand, changed directions and I hurried to keep up with him.

On the stairs up to his office, making my heart leap in my throat, my belly knot and drop, he surprised me by stopping, turning and lifting me up in his arms. I didn’t know if he was impatient with me having trouble keeping up or if he wanted me close.

I didn’t ask.

But I hesitated before my arms slid around his shoulders to hold on.

Knight noticed everything. He noticed my hesitation.

I knew it when, his voice terse, tight, pained, he whispered, “Fuck me.”

We got to the top, his torso dipped and he opened the door. He carried me into the office, the door closed behind us and he gently set me on my feet.

Quickly, I took three steps away.

My heart clenched because he let me.

“Do you sell pussy?” I whispered.

He closed his eyes slowly and my nose started stinging.

“Knight?” I prompted and his eyes opened.

“Got fifty-seven girls,” he stated immediately.

Oh God. God!

“And drugs?” I was still whispering, but it was around a clogged throat and sounded croaky.

His head jerked and he asked, “What?”

I lost it and my voice pitched high and loud when I snapped, “Do you sell drugs?”

“Fuck no,” he shot back.

I started breathing heavily.

Knight watched me do it.

Then I turned my head and looked to the window.

“Came home bleeding out the ass, from her pussy. Not sometimes, often.” I heard him say and my startled gaze cut back to him. He kept talking and I knew it was about his mother. “Face busted up, lip torn open, eyes swollen shut. I cleaned that shit up. I was six.”

Oh.

My.

God.

My body locked and Knight kept at me.

“Johns did that shit to her but not only them. Her man did too. Her pimp. He got rough and his rough was ugly. And he availed himself often. Only thing could get him to go limp was a four year old in the room. He forgot and didn’t lock the door or lock me in my room, I walked in and I did it as often as I could. Learned to pick my own lock and hers so I could get to her. See him on her. Get him to stop raping her. Be her shield. Pickin’ locks. At four.”

All my innards had seized and squeezed and the pain was excruciating.

“Knight –” I wheezed.

“I told you my life was shit Anya and it fuckin’ was. Hers was worse. Her man, worst kinda human being there is. Kept his girls in blow, in smack, in crack, anything to keep them hooked to him. That’s all he gave them and that was no fuckin’ gift. No protection. He took his cut and it was a big one, babe. He got off usin’ their bodies. He put them on the street, worked them hard. But they turned a bad trick, he didn’t do shit. Johns learn. They know. They get a bitch they can’t play with like they like ‘cause their man pays them a visit, they move on. So they knew which women to pick up. And my mother was one of them.”

I pressed my lips together and rolled them.

Knight continued.

“I had no control. My first fuckin’ memory in this life is walkin’ into my Mom’s bedroom seein’ her in bed bleeding from every orifice. Her slitted, swollen eyes came to me, she smiled a smile she had to force through pain, stupid and hopin’ she was foolin’ me, unable to move a muscle except her mouth and she whispered, “Sweetie.” Blocked out the rest. Know, after that, not once but a lot of fuckin’ times, I found that, I cleaned her up. She was so jacked, by the time I’m fuckin’ six, she’s lettin’ me.”

I swallowed the pain and hurt I felt for him, and it stuck in my gullet because it was a lot, and he kept talking.

“I had no control. None. I was a fuckin’ kid. I could do what I could do and that was all I could do. She was good to me, Anya, she loved me. Not just because I was her shield but because I was her boy. Only good thing she ever did, she told me, was make me. She thought the sun rose and set in me and she still does. But I remembered that, as good as Carl gave it to her and me, I never fuckin’ forgot that feeling of being out-of-control, livin’ shit someone forced on me, and I became a man who never has to feel that shit again.”

“Okay, honey,” I whispered but Knight wasn’t finished explaining.

“Nair is an asshole. And yeah, I took his stable and I still got it. And I’m gonna keep it, Anya. He had a girl, she worked the drags,” he moved to the chest at the wall and ran a finger down the carved, female torso, “she made that for me. Fuck, unbelievable what she could create outta a chunk of wood. An artist. A hooker. A junkie. She was Nair’s. She led me to him. He thought I was a shit-for-brains racer hooked on speed. Thought he could play me. She OD’ed. All that talent,” he jerked a finger at the torso, “vanished. The beauty she could bring into the world, lost. I let him think he could play me and I got in it to look after his girls. He was not like my mother’s man but he wasn’t about protection. He was about pussy. Usin’ it to get rich. Usin’ it to get off. Made his girls service him, one, two, twenty. And I am not joking. Twenty bitches crawlin’ all over him. Insane. Made ‘em oil up and wrestle on his fuckin’ bed so he could watch and jack off. He did not keep them clean. And it was hit or miss, depending on how lazy he was feelin’, whether he’d send someone out to deliver a message, one of his girls got worked over. I spent a lotta time coverin’ a lotta asses which pissed him off. He wanted me not lookin’ after his pussy but bein’ the face of this club. We clashed. I made moves. Got him out. Then rebuilt and grew his empire, such as it was. Girls that weren’t clean, I got them clean. Girls who didn’t wanna be in the life, I let them go. He had forty-two girls. I have more because they come to me. And they don’t got track marks or habits, I take them on. I take their backs. They take clients they wanna fuck, Rhashan and Kathleen make arrangements, they do what they want, only what they want and a man tries for more, we make certain he knows we’re not down with that and that message is delivered crystal clear. That is our reputation, I made it that way so that shit does not happen often and my girls go out safe.”

“Rhashan?” I whispered.

“Yeah and if you’re worried about your girl, don’t be. She knows. He knows I don’t like attention and asked me if he could tell her. Your girl Viv, she is far from stupid so I agreed. He told her. She grew up in the ‘hood. So did he. They both get it.”

“She didn’t tell me.”

“She did, you or anyone, his ass would be out. And that came from me.”

I felt a tremble glide through me as I asked, “So you were going to keep this from me?”

“Fuck yeah.”

My voice was high and tight when I pushed, “Why?”

“Christ, Anya, ‘cause of the way you are right now lookin’ at me,” he bit out. “I just told you how I grew up. Carl made that good for Mom and me. But I raced. You would not believe the skank pussy at races. I got even a hint of sweet, if I broke down, let them in, told them that shit about me, that sweet got sour. But not one of them, not one, Anya, was your kind of sweet. Never in my life did I expect I’d taste your kind of sweet so, yeah, fuck yeah, I was going to keep this from you to guarantee I’d keep your sweet.”

“I thought you weren’t hiding anything from me.”

“I didn’t. I didn’t lie. I didn’t adjust the man I am. I just didn’t share.”

“That’s the same thing.”

“You feel that way, nothin’ I can do.”

I held his eyes.

Then I whispered, “He said you ran drugs through the club.”

“Well, he fuckin’ lied. But, cards on the table, babe, the Russians got this territory. I made that deal so I could control that shit. It’s a fuckin’ club, my boys could have eyes in the backs of their heads and not see all the deals that went down. Four years ago, five kids got hold of bad shit and cops traced it, sold by a dealer in my club. First, I do not need that attention. Second, no fuckin’ way am I cool with people dyin’ because of shit they sourced in my club. We cracked down, we still could not stem the flow. It’s was a fuckin’ nightmare. Got to the point, I wanted to control that, I’d have to close my doors. The Russians approached me, made assurances they would not recruit buyers in my club, advertise outside the premises so anyone wanted that shit, they knew who to go to. They promised they’d see to the dealers that were workin’ my club, sweep them clean. They got no problems doin’ shit I won’t do and won’t allow my boys to do, to see that happen. They use them, I ask no questions but I get a clean club. They also promised their shit would be good shit, not laced, not bad, someone fucked up, it would not be the shit they were takin’ but them. And last, I allowed the connection in my club but any deal goes down off the premises. I give them one. One fuckin’ dealer. He does what he does but only if people come to him. I keep an eye on that. The first guy they chose, he got ambitious. I went back to the Russians. They yanked him, put another boy in. He keeps a low profile. I got control of that. It sucks. Saw my Mom hooked to that shit, do not like it anywhere near me. And the Russian mob is fuckin’ crazy. But they get me, they know my boundaries, they keep their shit on the other side and it’s the only way that works for me. I do not get a cut of that because I don’t want it. They do not sell to my girls. They do not sell to my staff. One of them approaches their dealer, they report it to me and that person is gone. The only thing I get from that is a club free of that bullshit except what I control.”

Okay, all right.

Right.

“The girls come to you?” I asked cautiously.

“Yeah, believe it or not, some bitches get off on that shit. But not all of them, Anya. Most of them get in a situation where they need money. I am not a benefactor. Life leads them to that shit, I offer administration, vetting and protection. They gotta do it, they do it safe. That profession, babe, oldest in the world and it is never gonna die. You think it’s right or wrong, life led me to my code. That business is not legal and it fuckin’ should be. Women on the streets, they got nothin’ unless they’re really fuckin’ lucky and they got a man who looks after them, keeps ‘em safe and doesn’t expect freebies. That is rare. The only one I have ever known is me.”

“So you don’t take freebies?” I whispered and his face got hard, the room filled with his vibrating heat and I again whispered, this time quickly, “You don’t take freebies.”

“Me or any of my boys. They got a taste, they pay. My girls do not give that for free. And I have never stuck my cock in one of them. Not one. They do not walk the streets. They did for Nair. They do not for me. Exclusively clients. And they do not get paid twenty dollars a blowjob. They get paid what they should for givin’ that up to some asshole who gets off gettin’ it. I get my cut for keepin’ ‘em safe and dealin’ with hassle. Our first date, babe, the first day you spent with me, had a girl, too sweet for the fuckin’ business, too weak. Took it up the ass. Twice. Two different visits from this guy. She did not want that shit. She did not get paid for that shit. I did not get paid for providin’ that shit. And he did not say he wanted that shit. First time she took him, she didn’t report it. Second time, she called Rhashan and Rhash called me. Dude got a visit. He’s no longer on the client list and it was me, personally, who broke his cheekbone and his arm so if he thinks he can go to another shop and pull that shit, he’ll think again.”

I held his eyes. Then I asked quietly, “What did Nick do for you?”

“Nick was supposed to be my eyes and ears in the club. He watched the Russian dealer. He made certain no one but who I knew worked my club. No bitches not in my stable. No dealers. If he got a whiff that some outfit was casin’, lookin’ to take over territory, however they might do that, he reported it to me and we put a stop to it before they got any ideas or had enough time to assess my organization and find a weakness. He kept an eye on my staff, bartenders skimmin’ off the top, waitresses pullin’ bullshit moves, he reported it or, if it was piddly shit, dealt with it. You know my problems with him. What you don’t know is he did that shit and I paid him at the same time he played the big man. Sittin’ in his VIP section, suckin’ back Hennessy Paradis on me. That shit is not cheap. Took his eyes off the ball frequently in order to play big shot and get himself some pussy. And he was the Russian dealer’s biggest client. Blow. Staff, unacceptable. Family, he made me eat that shit. The shit with you, babe, last straw. But even before that, had that shit in my life with my Mom a junkie and the world as it is, I gotta deal with the Russians when I would definitely rather not deal with those fuckin’ lunatics, I do not need my brother in that shit. And I didn’t want it in my house. I talked to him, he didn’t hear me. I told him that shit was not in my condo, he didn’t listen to me. He fucked with you, I was done.”

“Do your parents know that Nick –?”

Knight interrupted me.

“I shield them from Nick’s bullshit but other than that, my parents know everything, Anya. I told you I had a good life and except for daily headaches like everyone’s got with work and shit, I do. And when I say everything, I mean everything. Way they met, Carl needin’ to clean her shit up, they are not Ozzie and Harriet. They know I got girls. They know it’s not only this club, the real estate I own but also that business that set their asses up in their house in Hawaii and lets them live a good life. You might think it’s whacked but with my life, my family, it isn’t. They’re proud of me, they believe in what I do and they don’t hesitate to say that shit to me.”

I pulled in a deep breath and Knight watched me do it.

Then I shared, “I’m scared of buildings falling on me when I’m in underground parking lots.”

At my words, the entirety of his powerful frame jerked.

Then he asked, “What?”

“I know it’s irrational but it’s true. Shit happens. My parents got murdered during a carjacking. So I know. Some architect makes an error with his compass or… whatever, crash. The building collapses on top of me.”

“Anya –” he whispered.

“And,” I went on, cutting him off, “I’m scared of elevators. I get in them and unless I can focus on something else, all I can think is that they’ll plummet me to my death. I never took the elevator in my building. You live on the fifteenth floor. I’m in okay shape but that, uh… no.”

Knight was silent a moment then he asked softly, “Baby, why are you tellin’ this shit to me?”

“Because you just told me all your secrets. I thought I should return the favor.”

At my words, instantly, his head dropped to contemplate his boots but I knew he wasn’t seeing his boots because I saw his eyes close on the way down.

“Knight?”

His head shot up and he growled, “Here.”

I went there and two feet away, his arms shot out, his fingers curled tight into my hips and he yanked me to him, his arms closing around me. One of his arms stayed super tight around my waist, plastering my body to his while the other hand drifted up and tangled in my hair.

His eyes holding mine captive, he whispered, “You cool with this shit?”

“It’s a shock, I will admit. But you told me if I hear shit, I should come to you and you’d explain. You explained and you did it thoroughly. But bottom line, I’m the woman for you, Knight, I was made for you, just as I am. What you don’t get is, you’re the man for me just as you are. I get that, honey. And I got it a while ago.”

I got out the “go” in “ago” but just barely before his hand in my hair tilted my head one way, his slanted the other and his mouth slammed down on mine.

Then he plundered and I held on, like usual, like always, enjoying the ride.

He tore his mouth from mine but slid his lips along my cheek to my ear, holding me close, tight, in a way it felt he’d never let me go and he whispered, “Fuck, I love you.”

“I know, sweetheart. I love you too. And, while we’re sharing secrets, you should know that I figured that out when you put the blanket on me.”

His head came up and he caught my eyes.

“What?”

“Our first, very long, very weird, very intense date. I fell asleep and woke up and you put a blanket on me. Not since my parents died has anyone cared if I might get a chill. Until you. A man who would think about that and do something about it, I knew deep down in a place that made me smile, was the man for me. I didn’t get it until, well… just now. But, you know… you should know.”

He grinned at me but muttered, “Never throwin’ that blanket away.”

“You try, I’ll wrestle you to the ground.”

I felt his body shaking against mine and I smiled at him.

Then my smile faded and I whispered, “One other thing you gotta know, honey, and I’m sorry, but Nick set that up with Drake Nair. He was on the street outside my place. He watched it. He didn’t get close to me but Nair told me Nick spoke to him and I know by the way Nick was watching me that he was the one to set that up.”

I watched Knight pull in a sharp breath then blow out an annoyed sigh.

Then he muttered, “Sorry, baby.”

“Me too, but it’s done so whatever.”

“Not whatever, puntin’ this shit to Carl.”

My head tilted and Knight started to run his fingers through my hair as he replied, “Been dealin’ with it. Not dealin’ with it anymore. Carl knows Nick’s fuckin’ up this bad, he’ll lose his mind. Brace, babe, he’ll also strap his ass into a seat in an airliner about five minutes after I share and he’ll come to Denver and rip his boy a new asshole.”

I blinked.

Knight’s lips twitched.

“Just so you know, Carl was muscle for a local big man. Only way he could pry my Mom from her pimp was bein’ able to jack him up. Somethin’ he did. Carl is a good man but that doesn’t mean he’s clean. What he is, is big, built and he did and still does take care of himself. Nick has not made a habit of fuckin’ up exclusively with me. Carl has a way with gettin’ him to get his shit in line. Nick doesn’t take Carl’s way, the least he’ll do is make certain that shit no longer leaks to you and me. And Carl will probably be all kinds of pissed that I kept what I have from them and he’ll be loud about it. You’re around, don’t take that shit in. He’ll get in my face but he’d never hurt a woman or freak her out directly. After he tears me a new one, you happen to be there, swear to Christ, babe, he’ll turn to you and offer to get you a beer and give you a foot rub.”

I started giggling.

“No joke,” Knight told me.

I giggled harder.

Knight watched, smiled and his fingers ran through my hair.

I pressed closer.

Then his smile died and he said gently, “Okay, baby, you got it all, now you got my word that’s all there is but it’s also all you’re gonna get. That shit, the girls, the Russians, it is my business, not my life. You are my life. That doesn’t leak to it, except what I gotta do to maintain it that takes my time and energy. You are not new best friend to fifty-seven bitches. That does not exist for you. Rhash, he’s tight and gettin’ tighter with Vivica. He wanted no secrets, nothin’ between them. But you should know, he laid down that law with her too. Business is business, home is home, life is life. The first, you and Viv don’t have shit to do with, both of you are only the last two. You gotta share with her you know, so she knows she doesn’t have to worry that she’s keepin’ somethin’ important from her girl, you two talk. Once that’s done and outside of that, babe, we live quiet. You with me?”

I nodded.

His eyes roamed my face.

Then he whispered, “You’re with me.”

“Always, Knight.”

His gaze came to mine.

“Fuck me,” he whispered. “Fuck me,” he repeated then warmth washed over his face and he said it again. “Fuck me.”

He said that when I did something that moved him (and, of course, other times).

And that’s when I got it. For Knight, my sweet never went sour.

And that meant everything to him.

So I knew then I was giving him everything just the same as he was giving me.

And that meant everything to me.

So I pressed into him, my arms around him got tight, my head tilted back further and I smiled at my man.