Light in Mourning

Epilogue

“Uhm . . . what the fuck are you doing?” I stepped out of the bathroom, my eyebrows scrunched together as I took in Georgia’s form on the bed, a pillow propped under her ass, legs in the air.

“Shut up,” she pouted. “It helps your swimmers get to where they need to be.”

“Seriously?” I cocked my head to the side, an eyebrow arched in disbelief.

“I read it. You would know that too if you would have read the daddy book I bought you, you jackass.” She laughed before fumbling for a thick blue and pink baby book on the nightstand and whipped it at my head.

I caught it before it had a chance to take me out. “Babe, I don’t think my swimmers need any help.” I winked at her, setting the book back on the nightstand and standing beside her contorted form on the bed.

“Well, dear, my eggs may say otherwise since it’s been three months since we started trying . . .” Her voice trailed off, water misting her eyes.

“Georgia . . .” I sat beside her on the bed and threaded my fingers through her long, chocolate locks. “It’s gonna happen for us, baby, just give it time. Can’t stress affect it? We had so much going on over the holidays. Just give things some time to calm down.” I dusted a kiss along her temple.

“Yeah, but what if I can’t have kids? What if I’m barren? I’ve been on birth control for years, Tristan. Years. Maybe that makes a person sterile long-term.” She wiggled her hips and arched her ass farther in the air.

“Did you read that somewhere?”

“No, but—”

“No buts. It’ll just take time.” I placed a soft kiss on her cheek before pulling on a pair of jeans that were lying in a heap on the floor.

I was about to head to the porch to call Trevor for our Saturday morning sports recap. After we'd gotten the paternity test results and found out that I wasn't Trevor's dad, I'd called Lexi and we'd talked for a long time. It broke my heart to explain to Trevor that I wasn't technically his dad, but that I still wanted to hang out with him. Apparently the only other guy that could be his biological dad had problems with drugs and alcohol so Lexi didn't want him in Trevor's life. I agreed with her, and I'd grown attached to the little guy, so I promised to swing by and see him whenever I was in Jacksonville and continue to call him at least once a week.

“Can’t it take up to a year for your system to readjust without the birth control anyway?” I tried to ease her mind as I shrugged a button down over my shoulders.

“Yeah.” She heaved a sigh. My hands dropped to my sides before I could button the shirt. She was so adorable, her eyebrows furrowed with worry, her legs hiked up, only a sheet covering her soft body.

Happiest day of my life when she’d said yes.

“Stop worrying, beautiful.” I bent to kiss her.

“Come down here and keep me company. I have to sit like this for thirty minutes.”

I rolled my eyes at her refusal to accept my reassurances. “I’m telling you, my swimmers? Strong. They don’t need the help. But I will lie in bed next to your hot little body.” I grinned and tweaked her nipple as I rolled onto the bed with her.

“Ow. You’re a sadist.” She grabbed her breast and massaged it in her hand.

“By all means then, let me help.” I lowered my head, hair falling across my forehead, and sucked her little pink nipple between my lips, caressing it with my tongue, pulling on it, and drawing it out.

“Ugh,” she whimpered and held my head to her chest.

“Ready again, baby?”

“Thirty minutes,” she moaned. Jesus Christ, she was determined to follow that book, no matter what.

“Might help our chances to double the dose of swimmers.” I grinned and sucked her other nipple into my mouth.

“Mmm . . . I don’t think that’s how it works,” she whispered as she threaded her fingers in my hair and I got lost in her all over again.

“You’re thinking about adopting?” I heard Georgia murmur over the phone. She sat perched on a deck chair, the misty air swirling her brown locks around her shoulders as she talked with Silas on the phone. I watched her from the French doors, listening in on her conversation.

We’d been married for six months, and been trying for a baby since the first night we’d gotten home from our honeymoon, without luck. I knew that every month that passed she grew sadder and sadder. She was becoming more affected by our inability to conceive and it ripped my heart out to watch her sadly shuffle into the room and announce that she’d gotten her period yet again.

She was losing heart.

Every month, we tried when she was fertile, but that wasn’t the only time we were having sex, because we were still as insatiable as ever. I couldn’t get enough of her, but now, during her fertile window, she went to great lengths to encourage the swimmers, as she said. I tried to make a joke, tried to make it a laughing matter, but I could tell the humor was slowly leaving her.

The thing she’d always dreamed of, the life she’d always wanted, and we were having trouble making it happen. I’d already gone to the doctor to see if it was me. I’d splooged in a cup, nervous that it could be my fault that we hadn't yet made a baby. The counts had come back good. Motility perfect. I prayed to God this wasn’t a permanent problem, I didn’t know if Georgia could deal with something else being taken away from her.

“Hey, babe. How’s Silas?” I wrapped one arm around her as she tucked herself into me. She nuzzled into my neck and took a deep breath. Scenting me, taking me in, she’d been doing exactly this since the beginning and it made me delirious with love and desire for her.

“Good. He and Justin are thinking of adopting.”

“Yeah? That would be great. They’d be great dads.”

“Yeah . . . I just wish it wasn’t so hard for us . . .”

“I know, Georgia.” I’d stopped telling her to give it more time because truth be told, I wasn’t sure that was all it would take anymore. I was scared that there was something wrong and that thought made my heart ache.

“Happy birthday, man.” Gavin swatted me on the shoulder, beer in hand. Bennett ran full tilt across the living room and out the French doors, Charlie hot on his heels. His laughter echoed on the wind as Georgia and Drew giggled at his antics.

“Thanks.” I tipped my beer to my lips. The start of the summer season: May, my birthday, and the time of year that business ramped up for the beach house. This day was usually hard for me, but since Georgia had come into my life, it had become something different. Something worth celebrating when she was here.

Drew and Gavin had married on Valentine's Day. They were spending the weekend with us. Silas mixed cocktails in the kitchen while Justin chatted with the girls outside. Our perfect little extended family. Silas and Justin had decided to move along with trying to adopt and were looking at a beautiful little girl from Romania.

“Presents,” Georgia called as she motioned me over to the kitchen table that was set up with gifts. I rolled my eyes because somehow this felt less like a thirty-year-old's party and more like one for a ten-year-old. I indulged her, though. She loved this stuff.

“This is great.” I grinned as I opened a kit to make your own beer at home.

“Such a guy gift.” Drew rolled her eyes and rubbed her belly. Soon after they’d gotten married, she’d found out they were pregnant again. Some people were just more fertile than others, I guessed. I’d watched Georgia’s face falter when Drew had told her over the phone, but she’d been enthusiastic for her friend. “Open the envelope,” Drew instructed.

“Aw, guys, this is great. Season tickets for the Pirates, baby.”

“Great.” Georgia rolled her eyes. I smacked her on the ass because I knew she secretly enjoyed going to baseball games with me. She loved going to the ball game, throwing a cute little ball cap on her head, scarfing hot dogs and drinking beer with me.

“Maybe I'll bring Silas, then.”

“Not a chance, lover boy.” Silas shook his head.

“Open ours.” Justin stepped into the room from the deck, carrying a box. I narrowed my eyes when I heard a whine escape it. All the faces in the room lit up, including Georgia’s.

I opened the flaps and a tiny golden retriever puppy leaped out at me, all oversized paws and slobbering tongue.

“A puppy? Charlie’s not going to like this.” I lifted him in my arms and let him kiss me square on the lips. I was a sucker for dogs and now that Charlie was getting older, he did much more sleeping than anything else.

“Charlie gave his approval.” Georgia bent to pet the old dog’s head as he sat at her hip. He’d grown attached to her. I thought they’d bonded this past year. He probably appreciated that she was his excuse to bow out of morning jogs with me.

I set the puppy down and he instantly spotted Diva and charged off down the hallway after her.

“Diva, on the other hand . . .” Silas laughed as my eyes darted to Georgia.

“She can hold her own with all these boys.” A laugh that lit my heart escaped her lips. Our plan for a baby might not have been working out, but I was deliriously happy, we were deliriously happy with the little life we had.

“Mine.” She handed me a gift bag stuffed with entirely too much tissue paper. I dug and dug, pawed through it some more before lifting a tangled black contraption with straps and hooks.

“A sex swing? Babe, how did you know?” A grin spread wide across my lips.

“You hornball.” She swatted me on the ass. “Look at the tag.” I kissed her on the lips. She bent her body into mine, swaying on her feet slightly as she ran a hand through my hair.

“God, still? I thought the expiration date on the honeymoon phase was up by now?” Silas muttered.

“Not anytime soon.” I grabbed the cheek of her ass and goosed her for his benefit.

“Look at the tag, baby,” she murmured against my lips. I pressed one last kiss there before turning the contraption over in my hands. My brows furrowed as I tried to discern what I was looking at.

“Happy birthday, baby.” She rubbed a palm up and down my back. My breath caught in my throat. A lump formed the size of Texas.

“What is this?” I finally managed to ask.

“A baby carrier,” she whispered. “We’re gonna have a baby.”

My heart stuttered to a standstill and my eyes widened as the carrier dropped from my hands and I turned to her. “You’re pregnant?” I whispered as my eyes searched hers for any trace of misunderstanding. She only nodded, a beautiful smile breaking across her face as tears flooded her eyes.

“Jesus, we’re going to have a baby?” I ran a hand through my hair in confusion and stress and worry and happiness. So many emotions. But the most beautiful of all was love for the beautiful girl standing beside me, whose dream was finally coming true.

“We made a baby?” I murmured and placed my hands to her stomach. “You’re carrying my baby?” I dropped to my knees and lifted the hem of her shirt, pressing a kiss to her soft skin.

“Welcome to the club, Daddy. It killed me not saying anything,” Gavin said.

“Wait, you knew? Did you all now?”

“You know she wouldn’t keep it to herself.” Drew grinned while Bennett squirmed in her arms.

“And this one couldn’t keep it from me.” Gavin swung an arm over her shoulder.

“I wanted to make it special,” Georgia whispered from above me.

“God, no matter what, baby, it would have been special, but you’re right, this is . . . perfect.” I planted another kiss on her stomach before standing to wrap her in my arms.

“Again? Jesus, you’re an animal.”

She giggled as she slithered up my body and straddled my hips. “It’s the pregnancy hormones. I can’t help it.” She whined before bending and snagging my lips between her teeth.

“Ow, Jesus.”

She pulled away and my lips turned down in a pout.

“Has the situation reversed itself Mister Hornball? If you’re turning down morning sex, I’ll gladly take matters into my own hands.” She pulled away with a smirk and ran her palm down the center of her body to the apex of her thighs.

“Never,” I growled before lunging at her. She giggled and writhed underneath me as I traced my lips up her neck, sucked on her earlobe, and rocked my morning wood into her. “You know mornings are my favorite,” I whispered before tugging one of her nipples between my teeth.

“Baby,” she shrieked and yanked away, her hand massaging her breast. “They’re sensitive.”

“I’m sorry,” I murmured before nudging her hand away and sucking her nipple into my mouth and caressing it delicately. She moaned and arched into me and I lost my head to desire. My hands skimmed down her torso and hiked one thigh around my waist as I probed at her entrance. I eased into her slowly as the sensation aroused me. She was so snug and warm, she fit me perfectly. Sent me straight to Heaven when I was inside her.

“Faster, please, Tristan,” she moaned as I locked my arms on either side of her body. I dragged in and out slowly, relishing the feel of her around me, watching her chocolate brown hair sprayed across the pillow, her bottom lip snagged between her teeth, eyes shut tightly as soft groans escaped her throat.

My hand traced down her ribcage and landed at the bump at her stomach. Five months pregnant, halfway and she was finally starting to show. The enormity of what we’d made, what our love had created inside her, amazed me. It left my brain scrambled in awe. There was a baby inside her. She carried my baby within her every day. He or she slept to the rhythm of her heartbeat, heard her beautiful laugh, was between us, literally, when we made love.

“What’s wrong?” she breathed, her lust-filled eyes fluttering open. I swallowed the lump in my throat and glanced up at her. My heart hammered in my chest.

“The baby. Are you okay? Do you feel okay? I don’t want to be too rough.”

“Oh, baby, you won’t be.” She snaked a palm around my neck to cup my cheek. The pad of her thumb caressed my cheekbone. I closed my eyes and inhaled. “Hey, I promise I will tell you if you’re being too rough, but you’re not.” She hooked her legs around my waist and locked her ankles, taking me deeper inside her.

“Georgia, what if . . . this is weird. I feel like I’m going to hit the baby . . . with my . . .” I couldn’t finish the words—there was a baby in the room. Gone were words like cock and dick, replaced with innuendo. This baby had me turned on my head and it wasn’t even out yet.

“Really?” She cocked an amused eyebrow at me.

“I dunno. It’s weird.”

“I thought you read the baby book? Sex is safe.”

“I did, cover to cover. But it’s still weird.” I moved a little inside her, testing the waters. “Shit, what if I could feel the baby move from inside you? On my . . .” I arched an eyebrow in question.

“Oh my God, you are so ridiculous. Are you going to make me get myself off?”

“Never, not while I'm around. I want every orgasm from this point on. If I’m with you, only I’m getting you off.” I moved in and out of her again.

“Good. Now fuck me like you mean it.” She grinned. I couldn’t refuse those words.

“You want it hard and fast?” I hiked her thigh up around my waist, thrust into her, and rolled my hips.

“Please,” she moaned, “but watch the nipples.”

“Got it, easy on the nipples.” I pulled her legs up straight and over my shoulders and hit her to the very end, setting a punishing pace as I fucked her to the sound of her moans and pleas echoing around the room.

“Tristan,” she shrieked from our bedroom. I flew out of my office and into our room. I saw her standing in the shirt she’d slept in, a pair of panties in her hand and a puddle of water on the floor.

“Fuck,” I whispered and stood stock-still. I couldn’t move. My heart hammered, my eyes as wide as saucers.

The baby was coming today.

The baby was coming now, and my brain couldn’t process what I needed to do about it. Wrigley galloped into the room. The puppy, who was much less puppy and much more gangly dog, made his way to Georgia and sniffed the puddle on the floor.

“Tristan. Don’t let him, oh my God,” she moaned as she swatted at the dog to shoo him away. “Don’t just stand there. Get my bag, get me a towel, call Drew!” Georgia was flipping out just like I was. Bad news. We both couldn’t be flipping out. I was relatively sure two adults who had no idea how to raise a baby was bad news. Fuck, maybe we were in over our heads on this one. We could hardly wrangle two dogs and a high-maintenance cat.

“Tristan.”

“Fuck, yeah, okay. Towel.” I ran into the bathroom and pulled a towel from the rack.

“Not a good one,” she squealed.

“Right. A bad one. Okay.” I pulled an old towel from under the sink and threw it on top of the puddle between her legs.

“Hey,” she called to me. I looked up at her, concern etched across my face. “It’s going to be okay,” she whispered and pressed a soft kiss to my lips. I sighed as she ran her fingers through my hair. I laid my forehead against hers and breathed in the vanilla scent of her, calming my nerves.

“Are you ready to have a baby, Daddy?” she murmured against my lips.

“As ready as I’ll ever be.”

“Good. Now let’s get to the hospital.”

“Right.” I kissed her again. I felt centered. She did that to me. Had that calming effect. I picked up her overnight bag as she pulled a pair of leggings on and we headed out the door and to the hospital to have our baby.

“One more push, baby, just one more and the baby will be here.” I coached her from the top of the bed. The doctor sat between her legs, Georgia practiced her breathing as she pushed with every ounce of strength she had in her.

My wife blew my mind.

I was in awe of the strength she mustered to bring our baby into the world. A year and a half into our marriage, and she was still taking my breath away.

A loud cry pierced the room.

“It’s a boy! Good job, Mama.”

“He’s here? Oh, Tristan,” she whimpered as tears fell down her cheeks.

“You did so good, baby.” I swiped the hair off her forehead and pressed my lips to her damp skin. “You did so good.”

“Want to cut the cord, Daddy?”

My eyes widened in fear.

“Come on.” The doctor waved me over, my squirming boy in her hands. I took the scissors from the nurse and cut where she instructed. Anxiety and happiness in equal parts chocked my throat as I realized that I'd just severed the tie that had connected him to his momma, my beautiful wife. She'd sustained him for all those months, held him in her body and cherished him in her heart and now it was my turn.

“Perfect. Want to hold your son before we start his tests?”

I only nodded. I couldn’t force the words from my lips.

The doctor pushed the baby into my arms and I stared down into his beautiful little face. Round cheeks and grey eyes, a button nose and the most beautiful little bow-tie lips. Georgia’s lips. My son had Georgia’s lips and a fine layer of blond hair. He was ours. A perfect mixture of us.

I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat. My whole body shook as I held my son and took in his beauty.

“Hey, little guy, we’ve been waiting so long for you.” I placed a kiss on his head. I sucked in a long breath and inhaled him just like Georgia did me. I took him in, made him mine.

He owned me.

His little face owned me completely.

“Baby,” I whispered as I brought him to Georgia. “He’s got your lips.” Tears filled my eyes and trailed down my cheeks as I laid him in her arms. “He looks like you, baby.”

“Hey, sweetheart.” She kissed his little head and his dark little eyes stared up at her face, took her in, recognizing her voice.

She captivated him just like she did me.

He needed her to breathe, just like I did.

Neither one of us ever stood a chance. From the moment we'd laid eyes on her, she owned us both.

“Can you change Brady’s diaper?” she called from down the hall.

“I had the last one,” I yelled as my eyes trained back on the football game.

“Babe, I can’t change the diaper, seriously. It will make me sick,” she whined as she stepped into the room, Brady wiggling in her arms in only a diaper.

“Shouldn’t he be potty trained by now anyway?” I groaned as I stood from the couch.

“He’s only eighteen months old, so no.” She thrust my boy into my arms.

“Jesus,” I held his stinky self at arm’s length.

“Come on, buddy, don’t you want to use the toilet like a big boy?”

“No.” Ah, there it was, no, one of the few words he knew and used excessively.

“What a bum deal if you’re going to be like this the whole pregnancy,” I grumbled as I headed down the hall and into the nursery.

“It’s just the beginning that my nose is so sensitive.” She rubbed her tummy softly.

“Better be. If your nose is so sensitive, how is it you’re able to stand in here with me while I change the diaper?” I arched an eyebrow at her.

“It’s just standing right over it I can’t take.” She wrinkled her nose and darted out of the room as a grin split across her face. I had a feeling she was bullshitting me about the sensitive nose thing. I knew she was sensitive to smells, coffee for one, but this dirty diaper sensitivity was way too convenient.

Lucky for her, I didn’t care. I knew she had it rough, carrying a baby while a toddler ran around the house, leaving mass chaos in his wake. If I had diaper duty for the rest of the pregnancy, I was okay with that; it was the least I could do after watching her push our son into the world. That didn’t mean I wasn’t going to give her a hard time about it, though. I couldn’t let her know she owned me so completely and could walk all over me, and I’d still have a smile on my face. Georgia did that to me. Got her way in all things and I happily gave it to her, gave her everything, because she’d given me everything.

“Come on, boys, let’s go,” I called from the beach.

“Where’s Daddy and Brady?” My beautiful little girl looked up at me, golden ringlets pulled into a ponytail, dark brown eyes dancing with excitement.

“They’re coming, baby.” I patted her head just as Tristan and our four-year-old came bounding down the deck stairs of the beach house.

“Be careful,” I called, but I knew they couldn’t hear.

“Mama.” Brooke tugged on the hem of my cover-up.

“Yeah, baby?”

“Up.” She reached her chubby little arms up for me to hold her. A smile slid across my face as I heaved her into my arms. I looked back at my boys as they reached the bottom of the stairs. Tristan heaved Brady up on his shoulders and jogged to me, a beautiful smile crossing his face. My heart stuttered to a stop because it was just as I'd imagined in my daydream so many years ago. That summer we'd first met and I'd seen beautiful little blond-haired babies in the sand, a smiling Tristan entertaining them.

“Hey, Mama.” My gorgeous husband pressed a kiss to my lips. I adjusted Brooke on my hip and weaved a hand up to hold his cheek as I kissed him.

“Hey,” I whispered.

“You look beautiful,” he murmured as he pressed his forehead to mine.

“Thanks.” I took his lips with mine again.

“Daddy, I’m ready to swim.” Brady shook the bucket of beach toys in his hand.

“He’s ready to swim, Daddy.” I smiled sweetly.

“While they’re swimming, can I get some alone time with my girl?” He quirked an eyebrow suggestively.

“Wait till nap time, Mr. Howell.” I pulled away, but not before pinching his ass.

“Ow.”

“What, Daddy?” Concern crossed our little boy’s face.

“Mommy pinched Daddy.”

“You shit,” I whispered under my breath as Tristan’s eyes gleamed with amusement.

“No pinching, Mommy,” Brady chastised from atop Tristan's shoulders.

“Sorry, baby. Let’s go swim.” I darted off down the beach with Brooke squealing with delight in my arms. I set her down in the sand and she immediately started digging as the waves lapped at her chubby little feet.

“I’ll be out in a minute.” Tristan lifted Brady from his shoulders. Brady headed for his sister and plopped down, showing her how to make a sandcastle with the toys.

Tristan wrapped his arms around my waist and swayed me back and forth as he tucked his nose into my neck. I sucked in a contented breath and lay back against his chest.

“Thank you,” I sighed.

“For what?” His lips tickled the skin beneath my ear.

“For everything. All of it. From the beginning to the end, thank you.”

“Mmm, my pleasure, ma’am,” he said in his best southern drawl.

“Seriously. Buying this house? Best decision I ever made.” I turned in his arms and caught his gaze with my own. “That first day sailing? I'm so thankful you asked me and I said yes. Every minute I’m thankful for, even the hard ones.” Tears pricked behind my eyelids, as I looked at the beautiful boy that had been stopping and restarting my heart from the moment I’d met him.

“Oh, baby.” He kissed me softly. “Thank you, for bringing me back to life. For making this beat.” He put my hand on his heart. “It beats for you and them.” He gestured toward our babies playing in the sand.

I nodded and tucked my head into the crook of his neck. I inhaled deeply and took in his ocean fresh scent that had made my knees weak from the start. His lips whispered along my jaw line as he placed soft kisses across my skin.

“I love you,” I murmured.

“I love you so much more,” he replied before his lips took mine in a reverent kiss.

There he went again, stealing my breath, except he wasn’t stealing it; I gave it to him freely because he owned me. We owned each other.

From the beginning, our lives had been set on a course to find each other. There'd been no deviating. Despite the bumps in the road, it’d gotten us here, and here was so good.

Here was the best.

Here was right where we were meant to be.

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Stay tuned for a excerpt from Love in Between by Sandi Lynn.