Losing Hope

Chapter Eight-and-a-half

Les,

Holy shit, Les. HOLY. SHIT.

It feels like forever since I wrote to you but it was just this morning. So much has happened, my hands are shaking and I can barely write.

I still haven’t talked to Mom about dropping out yet, but only because I’m not so sure I want to drop out anymore. We’ll see after tomorrow.

Are you sitting down for this? Sit your ass down, Les.

I.

Found.

Hope.

But I didn’t.

Well, I’m still not so sure I didn’t, but I’m more sure that she isn’t Hope than sure that she is. Does that even make sense? I mean, the second I saw her I was positive it was her. But when I realized she didn’t recognize me, I thought maybe I was wrong or she was pretending or . . . I don’t know. I just started doubting myself. Then I acted sort of stalkerish and crazy so she showed me her ID, which was really dumb of her if you consider how stalkerish I was acting. But her ID proved she wasn’t Hope, which crushed me, but only for a couple of hours. Because when I went running I ran into her again thanks to fate or coincidence or divine intervention or maybe you had something to do with it. Whatever or whoever made it happen, she was there, standing in front of our house, looking all beautiful and shit. Jesus, she looked good, Les.

I’m sure you want to hear that, right?

Anyway, so I’m convinced now that if she really is Hope, she would have remembered me. Especially after I told her mother that my name was Dean Holder. I glanced down at Sky to see if my first name rang a bell but based on her lack of reaction, it didn’t ring a bell at all, so there’s no way she could be the same girl.

Do you want to know the strangest part, Les? The part of this entire day that has thrown me for the biggest loop?

I don’t even want her to be Hope.

If she’s Hope, all of the drama and the stress and the media attention would surround us again and I don’t want that for her. This girl seems happy and healthy and not at all how I expected our Hope to be if we ever found her. So I’m glad Sky isn’t Hope and Hope isn’t Sky.

I had Daniel do some investigating and I learned a little bit about her. She’s lived in this area for years and has been homeschooled by her mom, who seems really nice, by the way.

Daniel also said she’s not officially dating Grayson, so that’s a plus. I’m still not sure how she’s connected to him, because according to Daniel she’s definitely connected to him in some way. I’m hoping to stop that before it becomes anything significant, though.

Sorry I’m rambling. It’s just been the type of day you don’t expect at all when you wake up for it. I’ll let you know how tomorrow goes. I owe Daniel a day of school.

P.S. Sky had a black eye today. She never said what actually happened, but you know how paranoid I am about anything remotely connected to Grayson. I’ll never forget that day you came home with those bruises on your arm, Les. You begged me not to kill him because I swear to you, I would have if you hadn’t sworn that he didn’t do it.

I don’t know if you were telling the truth when you said it happened during your athletics class. I don’t know if Grayson is capable of doing something like that. But seeing Sky with that bruise under her eye had me just as worked up as when I thought Grayson had hurt you. And you aren’t here for me to protect anymore, so I feel this unrelenting need to protect Sky and I don’t even know her.

Don’t tell Daniel this, not that you could, but I would have shown up to school tomorrow whether he made it a condition or not. I need to see how Sky and Grayson interact with my own two eyes so I can determine whether I actually need to kill him this time.

H