Matters Of The Heart

Chapter 12

The day after the storm Hope called the bank and made all the arrangements to buy the house, and Finn helped her. They had lost a tree in the night, but they didn’t care. It hadn’t hurt anyone, and had done no damage. And the owner of the house, who had bought the property as an investment, was happy to accept seven hundred and eighty thousand pounds, a million five hundred thousand dollars. It was a terrific price, and Finn was ecstatic. Hope had the money wired, and since there were no conditions on the sale, Blaxton House was theirs eight days later. Legally, it belonged to her, but she had all the papers drawn up, leaving it to him in the event of her death, and allowing him to pay a nominal rent for now. Once they were married, the house would be put in trust for their child. And if for some reason they didn’t marry, or there was no child, he could still buy the house from her, over an extended time.

It was a fantastic deal for him, and one he never could have gotten otherwise. And she was already making plans to restore it to its original beauty. Hope was thrilled to have a free hand for the restoration. There was nothing in it for her, except the joy of making Finn happy, and knowing that they owned the house they were living in, and where their baby would grow up. She reminded Finn again that the deal was not contingent on her pregnancy. If for any reason they lost the baby, nothing changed. And if their relationship failed, she was still willing to let him buy the house from her over time. It was the ideal arrangement for him, and he said she was the most generous woman in the world. Hope insisted it was a blessing for them both. She had asked no one’s advice and needed no one’s permission. She just did it, and notified her bank to make the wire transfer to the previous owner. Everyone was extremely pleased with the deal. And Finn most of all, but Hope was happy too. He put the deed to the house in his desk drawer like it was made of gold. And then he turned to Hope, and knelt down before her, looking into her eyes.

“What are you doing?” she asked, laughing at him, and then saw his serious expression. This was clearly an important moment to him.

“I’m formally asking you to marry me,” he said solemnly, taking her hand in his own. There was no one to ask. She had no relatives except Paul, and that wouldn’t have been appropriate, although Finn was grateful to him as well for how generous he had been with Hope. “Will you be my wife, Hope?” Tears filled her eyes as he knelt before her, and she nodded. She was too moved to speak, and cried much more easily now, with their baby in her womb.

“Yes, I will,” she said in a strangled voice, and then choked on a sob. He stood up then and took her in his arms and kissed her.

“I promise I’ll take care of you all your life. You won’t regret it for a minute.” She didn’t think she would. “I’ll get you an engagement ring the next time we go to London. When do you think we should get married?” The baby was due in November, and she wanted to do it before that, if only to legitimize the child. But she didn’t want to wait anyway. They were both sure about their love.

“Maybe we shouldn’t make official plans till you tell Michael,” Hope said, thinking of his son, and not wanting him to feel left out. “Maybe we could get married this summer in Cape Cod.” That would mean a lot to her.

“I’d rather get married here,” Finn said honestly. “Somehow it would seem more official. We could still do it over the summer, when Michael is here. He always comes over at some point, even if it’s not for long.”

“I need to meet him first, before we tell him,” Hope said sensibly, and they both agreed that they didn’t want to tell him on the phone. He knew nothing about her, and suddenly they would be calling to say that his father was marrying a total stranger, and having a baby. It was a lot for Finn’s son to swallow at one gulp. Hope wanted to give him time to meet her and adjust to the idea. And she had to tell Paul, and she knew it might be a blow for him at first, knowing she was with another man, and having his child. They needed time for others to get used to their plans. And summer seemed soon enough to Hope, or even fall. That gave them time to get organized too. A lot had happened in a very short time. Their relationship, a baby, and now they were planning to marry. The rapidity of it all still took her breath away. In four months, she had a whole new life. A man, a child, a house. But Finn was wonderful to her and she was sure.

She was busier than ever once they bought the house. It was well into April by then, and she decided to postpone her jobs in New York in May. She didn’t want to fly before the end of her first trimester, when the baby would be solidly ensconced. She asked Mark to move all her May commitments to mid-June, and didn’t tell him why, although her bank had told him she had bought the house.

“So you bought a place in Ireland,” he said with interest. “I’ll have to come over and see what you’re up to over there. How’s everything with Finn?”

“Perfect,” she said, sounding ecstatic. “I’ve never been happier in my life.” He could hear it, and he was pleased for her. She had been through some very tough times, and she deserved all the happiness she had now.

“See you in June. I’ll get everything worked out. Don’t worry about it. Just have fun with your castle or whatever it is.” She told him a little about the house, and he liked hearing the joy and excitement in her voice. Hope hadn’t sounded like that in years.

And for the next two months, she and Finn never stopped. Hope hired a contractor and started doing the repairs the house needed so badly. They had to put a new roof on, which cost a fortune but was worth it. Windows were sealed that had leaked for fifty years. Dry rot was cut out, and she made arrangements to have the interior of the house painted while they were in Cape Cod for the summer. And she was buying antiques in shops and at auctions, to fill the house with the furniture it deserved. And every time Finn saw her, she was carrying something, dragging a box, climbing up a ladder, or stripping a paneled wall. She boxed up the books in the library so they could work on the shelves. She never stopped, and more than once Finn gave her hell and reminded her that she was pregnant. She still acted as she had when she was pregnant with Mimi, and Finn reminded her that she was no longer twenty-two years old. Sometimes Hope remembered to be careful, and the rest of the time she laughed at him and told him that she wasn’t sick. She had never felt better or been happier in her life. This was like the reward for all the sorrow that she’d been through. She believed that Finn was the miracle that God had given her, and she said it to him all the time.

She was working particularly hard one afternoon, packing up the dishes so they could have the inside of the china closets painted, and she complained afterward that she had hurt her back. She got in a warm tub and it felt better, but she said that it really ached, and Finn scolded her again, and then felt sorry for her, and rubbed her back.

“You’re a fool,” he chided her. “Something is going to happen, and it’ll be your own goddamn fault, and I’ll be pissed. That’s our baby you’re tossing around, while you work like a mule.” But it touched him too that she loved his house so much and was doing it all for him. She wanted it to be beautiful now so he’d be proud. It was her labor of love for Finn, and so was their child.

She slept fitfully that night, and stayed in bed the next morning. She said her back still hurt, and he offered to call a doctor, but she said she didn’t need one. He believed her, although she didn’t look well. He thought that she looked pale, and she was obviously in pain. He came up to check on her an hour later, and found her on the bathroom floor, in a pool of blood, barely able to crawl, as she looked up at him. He panicked when he saw her and rushed for the phone. He called for the paramedics and begged the operator to send them fast, and then returned to Hope in the bathroom. He was holding her when they arrived, and his jeans were soaked with blood. She had lost the baby and was hemorrhaging, and she lost consciousness when the paramedics picked her up and put her on a gurney to carry her out. Finn ran along beside them, praying she would live, and when she came to in the hospital hours later, after they had cleaned out her womb, Finn was staring at her with a dark look. She reached out a hand to him and he turned away and got up. She was crying and he was staring out the window, and then turned to look at her. He looked both angry and sad, and there were tears in his eyes too. He was thinking of his loss, more than hers.

“You killed our baby,” he said brutally, and she broke into a sob, and she reached out to him again, but he didn’t come near her. She tried but was too weak to sit up. They had given her two transfusions to make up for the blood she’d lost.

“I’m sorry,” she managed to say through her sobs.

“All that stupid lifting and carrying, look what it did. You just made it to three months, and now you fucked it all up.” He said nothing to comfort or reassure her, and Hope looked heartbroken as he raged at her. “It was a shitty thing to do, to the baby, and to me. You killed a healthy baby, Hope.” It didn’t occur to him that maybe the baby wasn’t so healthy if it hadn’t survived past that point, but there was no way to know now, and she felt bad enough. “How could you be so selfish and so dumb?” She was sobbing, listening to him berate her, and a few minutes later, he stormed out. She lay in bed, inconsolable, thinking of everything he’d said to her, and the nurse finally gave her a shot as she cried incoherently, and when she woke up hours later, Finn was sitting next to her again. He still looked grim, but he was holding her hand. “I’m sorry for what I said,” he said gruffly. “I was just so disappointed. I wanted our baby so much.” She nodded and started to cry again, and this time he took her in his arms and consoled her. “It’s all right,” he said. “We’ll do it again.” She nodded and just lay in his arms and sobbed. “Even if I act like a fool sometimes, I love you, Hope.” As he said it, tears rolled down his cheeks, and hers.