Mistletoe Baby

Chapter Nine

After the doctor’s appointment, David’s mind was too cluttered for him to go back to work. If he tried crunching numbers in this mental state, the store would probably never recover from all the data errors. I could single-handedly destroy generations’ worth of work in an afternoon. Something approximating a smile tugged at the corners of his lips. The despairing thought was the kind of exaggerated, self-deprecating statement he used to fuss at Rachel for making.

Lord, he missed her. If she didn’t move back into the house, he’d eventually put it up for sale. Without her there, it just felt…wrong. He was grateful beyond words that she wasn’t going anywhere at least until summer, but the possibility of losing her after that, of losing his child, was too painful to entertain.

Once home, he wandered through the rooms like a ghost, seeing the things they’d picked out together, trying to recall which pieces had been wedding presents. In their room, he opened the dresser drawer where she stored her summer clothes, skimming his hand over the fabrics, thinking about how pretty she’d always looked in the pale green tank top. With ninety percent of her belongings still here, it seemed as if she was just out at the store and would be home any minute, where she belonged.

At the knock on the door, he started. Was it Rach? Maybe there was something she needed to make her more comfortable over at Winnie’s… He dashed through the house at twice the speed he’d moved earlier.

Tanner waved at him through the beveled glass in the front door.

David sighed. “Hey. Come on in.”

“I called you at the store, but Arianne said you went home early today.”

“Had some errands to run,” David said vaguely. “Want something to drink?”

“Sure. I’ll take a cold beer if you’ve got one.”

David retrieved two bottles from the refrigerator. “So, did Ari send you over here?”

Tanner looked surprised by the question. “She told me you were probably here, but I’m not here at her bidding or anything. I swung by on my way home from a client’s to beg a favor.”

“Beg away.” Maybe David should try the same approach. Should he grovel to Rachel? His pride balked at the idea, but that didn’t matter nearly as much as the prospect of growing old without her. Even now, with the two of them under different roofs, he couldn’t truly imagine life without her.

“Lilah wants to take a day trip this weekend, go somewhere more exotic than Mistletoe for all her Christmas shopping.” Tanner pulled a face, making it clear marathon shopping wasn’t his idea of a good time. “Misery loves company, right?”

David sipped his beer. “You want me to come shopping with the two of you?”

“Well, you and Rachel. We thought the four of us could head toward Atlanta, eat dinner someplace together before coming back. All of our single friends are getting a little sick of the constant wedding chatter. I’ll be the first to admit, we’re nauseating. We thought it would be fun to spend time with another couple who won’t hold it against us. What do you say, got plans for the weekend?”

David brightened. An entire day in Rachel’s company? “Sounds great.”

“You heard the part about the all-day shopping, right? No doubt there will be sales and shoes involved.”

“There are worse things in the world, little brother.” David took a deep breath, then pushed away the negative emotions. Winners used positive thinking, no matter what odds they faced. “I just have to check with Rachel. Call you tomorrow?”

“Sure. You’re not kicking me out already, are you? I haven’t finished the beer.”

“No, you can stick around. If you want, I could order us a pizza.”

“Sorry, dude. I have a preexisting offer from someone a lot prettier. Then again…” Tanner studied him. “If you need me to stay, I can call Lilah and cancel.”

“No, of course not. I was just making the offer to be polite.”

Tanner leaned against the counter. “Why did you think Arianne sent me over here? Did you two fight or something?”

“Or something.”

“I’m a little surprised you’re not doing the pizza thing with Rachel.” He glanced around as if he, too, could feel her absence despite all appearances being normal. “I know she’s sleeping at Winnie’s because someone has to stay with the dogs, but she gets dinner breaks, right?”

“Of course. In fact, I’ll call her as soon as you leave. I just thought maybe a night of male bonding before you take your vows…”

Tanner laughed. “I’m sure we’ll have plenty of time for that even after. There’s a limit to what my getting married is going to change.”

That’s what you think.

David could look back and see lots of big and small ways that Rachel had changed over the years and ways that their relationship had altered-would that he’d been paying more attention at the time. Hindsight was painfully clear. What was harder to see, even now, was how he’d changed. Rachel had loved him so much once. Had he not been what she expected somehow? He wasn’t objective enough to evaluate himself as a husband.

Granted, he probably could have handled Rachel’s losing the baby better, but he’d been mourning, too. As much as she’d wanted that child, he doubted he could have said or done anything to make it better. Knowing that had doubled his own grief. He knew that the specter of what had happened before loomed over her now, and he hated like hell that she was alone in the house with three dogs, worrying, when he was two streets over and unable to help. Three dogs. Rembrandt and Bristol weren’t small. All three of them were excitable-what if one of them forgot his manners and jumped up on Rachel?

“If you’re about finished,” David said, “I think I am going to kick you out.”

“Nothing like brotherly love. All right, I’ll get out of your hair. Let me know what Rachel says about holiday shopping this weekend? Just think, Christmas is right around the corner, and then the wedding.” Tanner’s expression was luminous enough to power the entire town.

David assessed the younger man, the rebel who’d once seemed as though he might never mature past his angry restlessness. “Look at you, all grown up and about to marry a wonderful woman. I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks.” Tanner’s gaze landed on an old souvenir photo-magnet of Rachel and David on the refrigerator. “You didn’t do so badly for yourself, either.”

They each finished their beer, then Tanner set his bottle on the counter. “I’m leaving before this deteriorates into something truly scary, like hugging.”

David shuddered. “That would be bad.”

After Tanner left, David rifled through the junk drawer in the kitchen, looking for the delivery number for that pizzeria Rachel liked.

The girl who answered confirmed his name and asked, “Is this 820 Pine?”

“Yes, but I’d actually like to get this delivered to another address…”

“I HAVE A proposition,” he blurted as soon as she opened the door.

Rachel looked heavenward. “This can’t be good.”

“You’re such a glass-half-empty person.”

“It’s called being a realist.” Her voice was dry but amusement danced in her eyes. “It helps offset people like you who occasionally suffer delusions of grandeur.”

“Well, see there, we balance each other out,” he said as he came inside.

He was glad to see that her cheeks had some nice color to them. She looked girlishly comfortable in a pair of pink drawstring pants and a T-shirt, far healthier than she had when he’d seen her right after her bout of morning sickness. He’d had so much to think about today that their daybreak encounter seemed like eons ago. Let’s try this again. This time, without his good intentions devolving into an argument.

Rachel was waiting expectantly, her arms folded across her chest. Watching her, he couldn’t help recalling the doctor’s question about whether her breasts were sensitive…and Rachel’s near-blush when she’d answered. And how long it had been since he’d really touched her. Their spontaneous kiss on Saturday had only whetted his appetite for more.

He should probably stop thinking about that. He should also stop staring at the round, full swell of her breasts beneath the lightweight cotton.

“David? You had something you wanted to talk to me about?”

“Move back home.”

“What? But-”

“Not with me,” he clarified. “I’ll stay here.”

She walked into the living room, and he followed. He would have liked to sit with her on the couch, but that would put him in maddening proximity to those wonderful curves. He chose a striped wing chair instead.

“It’s quiet,” he noted.

“The dogs are out back.” She tucked her feet up under her. “Either they didn’t hear you approach, or they’ve just gotten used to you.”

“I think they like me,” he said. “Which works out nicely since I’m proposing you let me take care of them.”

She shook her head, her smile rueful. “You’re just not happy without others to look after, are you? It seems irresponsible to dump them on you. I made a promise to Winnie.”

“That her animals would be in good hands, and they will be. You’d be more comfortable at home, wouldn’t you? Sleeping in your own bed.” He lightened his tone. “Or at least hurling in the privacy of your own bathroom.”

“Ew.”

“No offense to Winnie, but her mutts aren’t the most disciplined in the world. Just look at last week when you tried to walk them and Hildie got away.” As soon as he said it, he knew he’d made a tactical misstep. Rachel was scowling. “Of course, that could have happened to anyone.”

“Probably not to you,” she grumbled.

“Never mind. What happened the other morning wasn’t really my point, I was just grasping for an example. What about the cat? Isn’t there something about pregnant women not being around litter boxes? And what if one of those dogs jumped up on you? Rach.” He glanced at her belly, trying to imagine what it would look like as it expanded with their child, wishing he could kiss her right above her belly button. “According to Dr. McDermott, everything looks great with the pregnancy. Why take any unnecessary chances, even small ones?”

Rachel hesitated, obviously pondering the points he’d made. Then she laughed. “Does it ever get exhausting, being right all the time? Still…I feel weird about swapping places without Winnie’s permission.”

“I’ll be a model pet-care provider,” he swore.

“There are five of them, counting the rabbit. The instructions were pretty lengthy.”

He smiled, sensing victory. “We can talk about it over pizza. Which should be here in about five more minutes.”

“David!” She laughed as she said it, a good sign.

“I’ve missed your laugh,” he told her, knowing he was probably pushing his luck but unable to stop himself. “I’ve missed seeing you happy.”

“I’ve missed being happy.”

He sat forward. “And you think you will be without me?”

“I don’t know. I know I wasn’t happy with who I became with you. That’s not blame,” she added quickly. “Not anymore. I was going through a lot and somehow ended up feeling like a second-class citizen. And logical or not, the resentment I was stifling turned me into someone petulant. Someone I don’t recognize and don’t want to become.”

“I want to apologize,” he said slowly, determined not to repeat this morning when they’d each said whatever popped into their minds and left each other with fresh scars. “But it feels disingenuous when I’m confused about what I’m supposed to be sorry for. A second-class citizen? That’s…”

“What, ridiculous?”

Yes. “Everyone in Mistletoe knows how much I love you,” he insisted. “I went out of my way to do things for you.”

She ran a hand through her hair. “I know. And yet you just proved my point. I tried to share something difficult and personal, something I’m not proud of, and your response, no matter how polite, was to tell me why I was wrong.”

“That’s not what I was doing! You-” He broke off, catching himself that time. “Hmm.”

She laughed, taking pity on him. “If you’re serious about taking care of the animals, follow me. I’ll show you where the rabbit is, and we’ll see if we can convince Arpeggio to come out from under whatever bed she’s chosen this time. Winnie said that the cat is still sulking about the puppy and has been fairly antisocial lately.”

With the dogs outside, they were able to coax Arpeggio out from under the guest room bed. The tri-color cat hobbled out, its gaze curious but its ears twitching back with suspicion as it approached David. He waited patiently, stretching his hand out and sitting perfectly still until the cat rubbed up against his fingers. Then he began scratching her back in earnest, and the calico started purring.

“See?” David said softly. “I’m not so bad.”

Rachel sat on the carpet next to him. “I can’t believe I don’t know the answer to this, but did you have pets growing up?”

“A few hamsters with short life spans,” he said. “Arianne had one of those beta fish. Dad’s allergic to cats and Mom’s allergic to dogs. They had a poodle when they were first married, but I don’t really remember her. What about you?”

“My mom was dead set against pets and I never really thought much about it. But Hildie’s been growing on me, despite my occasionally wanting to throttle her. Maybe I’ll get a dog,” Rachel mused.

Maybe I’ll get a dog. Ouch. It should have been something they’d done together. Why had he never considered during those long, frustrated months when she had so much love to give but no baby to lavish it upon, that she might appreciate a fuzzy friend who cuddled by her side when she was blue? Instead of just telling her to cheer up or have hope, he could have surprised her with a pet rescued from the local animal shelter. He’d asked himself-and her-what more he could have done, but maybe that was a cop-out. In retrospect, there was probably more he could have tried. Had he truly worked at staying emotionally connected with his wife or had he assumed, because of their vows, that she’d always be there?

Till death do us part. A lofty goal, but had he really worked toward it the way he did other aspirations? He’d once coached four-year-olds in the community soccer program, and they were hysterical to watch. They understood the basics, that the ball was supposed to go into the goal, but some of them seemed to think those events would just unfold, as they milled around on the field, not really making the connection between what they wanted to achieve and their own part in making it happen.

Maybe Tanner would be a better husband than David had been. He’d lost Lilah once. Having to win her back helped ensure that he appreciated her worth, knew how miserable he’d been without her.

David’s experience might be coming later in life, but he liked to think he was a quick study. “Hey, I talked to Tanner earlier. He wanted to ask us a favor.”

“Does he need something for the wedding?”

“Actually, no, he wanted to recruit us for some Christmas shopping.”

“You mean he’s looking for help finding Lilah a present?”

“He wanted to know if we’d go with them out of town this weekend for a holiday shopping spree.”

The doorbell gonged, startling them both.

“That’ll be the pizza.” David stood, reaching for the wallet in his jeans pocket. “Is it okay that I took care of dinner plans?”

“In theory, it was high-handed.” She smiled up at him. “In practice, I am a pregnant woman who didn’t entirely realize how hungry she was or how tired she was getting until about ten minutes ago. And here you are, summoning food as if by magic. So you’re forgiven. This once.”

He grinned over his shoulder as he walked down the stairs. “It’s a start.”