Not My Daughter

Chapter 21

Kate was still struggling with the idea that Mary Kate would be stuck at Percy State, that car seats and diapers would be back, that there would be another mouth to feed at a time when her sons were still eating everything in sight. The house was supposed to feel bigger as children moved out. She and Will were supposed to finally have we time.

But her self-pity came to a halt with Susan's call. She listened with growing horror before finally saying, "I was sure it'd be a false alarm." When Susan told her about the amnio, she was quick to agree. "You're doing the right thing. The more info you have, the better. What can I do to help?"

"Call Sunny and Pam? They need to know, but I don't have it in me to phone."

Kate wasn't sure if she did either, but she said, "Consider it done."

Sunny was lying in bed reading Martha Stewart Living. Home decor magazines were a must for her work; they gave her ideas, often determining what she ordered for the store. But there were personal reasons as well. She loved changing the look of a room with a single item-loved plotting how to make her own home look like the site of A-list events. Right now, the house was dressed for Christmas, but that would change soon. There was nothing worse than a balsam fir whose time had come and gone.

Actually, she modified that thought, one thing was worse. Nurseries. Whenever she flipped a page and saw plans for a nursery, she flipped the page again. She refused to make any nursery in the house. She wasn't giving up the guest bedroom, where Dan's parents occasionally stayed, or the den, where she could watch her TV programs. If Jessica wanted a baby, she could keep it in her own room. Period. Cap P.

Actually, Sunny was thinking of setting the girl up in an apartment in town. It didn't have to be big, didn't have to cost much. It certainly wouldn't be the kind of exile Susan's parents had imposed. They would see each other. Just not all the time.

The phone rang. Dropping the magazine, she picked up to hear Kate conveying the news about Lily.

"Poor Susan," she wailed. "To have this on top of everything else? Nightmare. Is there a chance Lily will lose the baby?"

"A lot depends on how bad the CDH gets."

"And what the amnio turns up," Sunny realized with growing horror. "Can you imagine going through all this and then having the baby die?" And Sunny was worried about being embarrassed? Realizing that, she felt suddenly shallow, self-absorbed-petty. "What can I do to help?"

"Call Pam."

Petty was one thing, masochistic another. "Anything but that. Pam hasn't called me, and besides, I have a better idea. I'll cook. Susan shouldn't have to think about dinner while she's going through this. I'll organize a group of people, and we'll rotate. My bake sale friends would love to help out."

"Too soon," Kate cautioned, "but hold the thought. Let's see where this goes."

Pam had fallen asleep on the bedroom chaise, but woke up fast when the phone rang. Grabbing it, she hurried out to the hall so that she wouldn't disturb Tanner and, even then, she spoke in a hushed voice.

"Susan?"

"It's Kate. I told Susan I'd call. She's beat."

Pam had been hoping Susan would call herself; it was about needing to know they were still friends. She wanted to distance herself from the three pregnancies, not from Susan, but it was a tricky dance. She feared she was missing the steps.

When Kate gave her the message, though, she could understand why Susan hadn't called. "How awful," she said. "So they just have to wait?"

"Pretty much. They'll do the amnio Monday, and they'll put a rush on getting the results, but with this hitting at the holidays, there may be a delay."

"Some Christmas for Susan and Lily. They're spending it with you, aren't they?"

"I was counting on it, but Susan's talking about staying home."

"Just the two of them? Not a good idea. They'll only brood. We're having Christmas dinner at my mother-in-law's house, or I'd invite them to join us. Not that Susan would want to," she added. "It could be awkward."

"Awkward for her or for you?" Kate asked.

"I'll forget you said that."

"No, Pam. Here's the thing. Right now, Susan needs support. You're either with her or not."

"Oh, Kate," Pam tried to explain, "it isn't about me. It's about being a Perry. There are expectations."

"Change them. Tanner didn't marry an airhead. He married a woman who has ideas and maybe a few loyalties of her own. Stand up for them."

"I do. Some subjects are just more sensitive."

"Hey, I know you hate it that our girls are pregnant, but did you ever think that maybe there was a time last summer when Abby wanted to be, too? If that had happened, you'd be singing a different tune."

"I'm not singing any tune," Pam said quickly, fearing Kate might be right and hurrying past the thought. "I'm not happy about what's happened any more than you are. I don't like that the school board is turning on Susan. I don't like that her job's in danger. I don't like that people are criticizing her as a mother, because if she's a bad one, so am I. I can't get Abby to talk, but I know she's unhappy. She misses being with your kids-and I miss being with you-but you're putting me right in the middle."

"No," Kate reasoned. "You've done that yourself. You see this great divide between being a Perry and being with us, but why do you have to choose? Why can't you tell Tanner how you feel? Why can't you tell Abby what you feel? I mean, you are on the school board, Pam. That gives you power."

"My name got me there." She hated to say it. But it was the truth.

"Fine," Kate cried, "but you are there, so you can say what you want. Do you agree with the old men on the board?"

"No."

"Tell them that."

Pam sighed. Quietly, she said, "I may, but right now, what can I do for Susan?"

"Get off the fence!"

Get off the phone, Pam told herself instead. "Okay, Kate. I hear you. Thanks for calling. I'll talk with Susan myself. Bye."

She hung up before Kate could say another word, but the silence mocked her. Needing to break it, she went down the hall into Abby's wing. A sliver of light under the door said the girl was still up. With a little knock, Pam turned the knob.

The first thing she saw was a blond ponytail. It swung when Abby glanced up from her desk.

Approaching, Pam leaned over her shoulder. "Spanish test?"

"After vacation. I was bored. It seemed like a good thing to do now."

Pam could identify with that. How often did she knit for lack of anything better to do?

"Have you heard anything?" Abby asked cautiously.

"Kate just called." Pam related the news.

Abby went pale. "Are they sure?"

"She's having more tests to monitor the extent of the condition."

"How can things like that happen?"

"They just do."

"But to Lily? She's the kindest person in the world."

Pam tucked a strand of hair behind her daughter's ear. "You miss her."

Abby didn't answer.

"Talk to me, please. I keep worrying that you'd have loved to be pregnant along with her."

"It wouldn't have been bad," her daughter said and stared, daring her to be scandalized.

Tanner's wife would have been, but, at that moment, she was Abby's mother, and very upset.

Abby looked away.

"Give her a call," Pam suggested. "I bet she'd love to hear from you."

Abby shrugged. "What would I say?"

"That you're sorry to hear about the baby. That doctors do amazing things. That if there's anything you can do to help, she should let you know."

"How could I possibly help?"

Pam searched for ideas. She had thought loyalty came naturally to Abby, until her daughter had outed her friends. But charity was a virtue, too. "Offer to drive her to school."

"She's pregnant, and I'm a Perry. You don't want me driving her to school."

"This problem with the baby changes things. It gives you an excuse to reach out."

"Dad wouldn't be happy."

"He wouldn't mind."

"Like he wouldn't mind if you spend all day Saturday at the barn? Be honest, Mom. He wants you to distance yourself from Susan. He thinks things are going to get worse."

Pam couldn't argue with that, but Kate's words were still fresh in her ear. Get off the fence! This might be a roundabout way. "Think about Lily. She could use your support."

"Well, maybe I'm a little angry at her, too. I mean, it was so easy for her to get pregnant-so maybe she deserves this."

"You just said she was the kindest person in the world."

"She is. But she's pregnant and I'm not. So what do I have in common with Lily?"

"School. Friends."

"I'm leaving for college in August. She's staying here."

"You can't IM or text? You won't be back every vacation? You will, Abby. You'll be back, and someday you'll have a baby of your own-"

"How do you know that?" Abby cried shrilly. "Maybe I won't! Maybe I'll have some kind of fabulous career and be so busy that I absolutely won't have time for any of that. Don't plan things for me, Mom. If you're waiting to be busy with a grandchild, don't."

Startled by the outburst, Pam managed a meek, "I'm not waiting."

Abby stared at her mother for another minute before turning back to her book with the whip of her ponytail, effectively shutting her out.

"I can't go to school," Lily said the next morning when, hearing no sound, Susan went into her room.

"Why not?" Susan asked, though the answer didn't surprise her at all.

"I'm giving the baby a rest."

"Like the baby is the one taking notes in class?"

"Come on, Mom. It's only a half day anyway."

"That makes it perfect, then. Easy day, light exercise, no stress." When doubt remained in Lily's eyes, Susan sat and traced the heart of the girl's face. "I thought we put the field hockey theory to rest yesterday, but if not, please listen to me, sweetheart. Nothing you do"-she punctuated the words with her hands-"will hurt the baby. The doctor said you should do what you normally do. She said you need to be moving around."

"I feel safer here. And I know my baby. He needs a rest."

"That's you, Lily. You need a rest. And you'll get one starting at noon. But you've already missed two days of school this week."

"Exactly, so what's half a day more?"

"Call it practice. Moms have to do things they don't feel like doing. You're scared, but you can't lie in bed for the next five months."

"It may not go that long," Lily warned, looking frightened.

"Upbeat, sweetie. Moms have to be upbeat."

"You mean, say things they know aren't true, just to cheer up their kids?"

Susan made a wry sound. "That would be a lie. This isn't. It's easy to imagine the worst, but why do we have to do that? CDH is treatable-and we don't even know he has it. Here's the thing. When you're up and moving, your little boy feels like he's in a warm little swing. It's soothing, don't you think? Besides, Mary Kate and Jess need to see that you're okay. They e-mailed me last night to ask how you were. You made a pact to do this together, sweetie. You have to answer their texts."

Lily wasn't sure if her mother was being sarcastic. After having been so angry over the pact-so angry over Lily's pregnancy itself-Susan seemed to have accepted both. Lily didn't know if the turnaround would last, but she did go to school, and not only to see Mary Kate and Jess. She had an agenda.

First, she sought out the volleyball coach and resigned from the team. "I know it's still okay to play," she said, "but if something bad happens to the baby, I'll always wonder."

Second, she went looking for Jacob Senter. Pulling him out of the hall crowds between classes, she said, "You're going to med school. I need a second opinion." She explained what the tests showed. "I know my baby will need treatment, but how will the treatment affect him? Will he be normal? Will he be able to play like other kids? Will this problem cause other ones as he gets older?"

Jacob looked alarmed. "Uh…jeez, Lily, I… I don't know. I'm not in med school yet. I'm not even in college. I was wait-listed at Duke. Did Mary Kate tell you?"

Lily gasped. "No. Does she know?" Realizing it was a loaded question, she rushed on. "You'll get in in April. You're too smart not to. And you do understand medical terms. Maybe you could google CDH and give me your take?"

"I have to spend Christmas vacation writing college apps."

"I have to spend it worrying about test results. This is life or death, Jacob."

Cautiously, he asked, "Is it that serious?"

"Surgery on an infant? I'd say."

"Does this happen often? Is it, like, more common in moms your age?"

"You mean, is Mary Kate at risk? No. The odds would be totally against that." Lily took his arm. "But every pregnancy involves risk. You need to start talking to Mary Kate. She's stressed without you. That could hurt your baby."

"She didn't ask if I wanted to be a dad, Lily. She didn't tell me what she was planning. Did she think I'd just go along? I mean, this changes everything!"

Lily was sober. "Right. I want my baby born perfect, but it may not be. So now I have to do things I don't want to do, because that's a mother's job. Isn't it a father's job, too?"

The bell rang before Jacob could answer, and they had to run in opposite directions to make it to class. But Lily was barely back in the hall after U.S. gov when Robbie came alongside.

"What's wrong with the baby?" he asked.

Jacob must have blabbed. But Lily wasn't sure how much to say. Telling Jacob to talk with Mary Kate was one thing; they'd been together forever. Not Lily and Robbie.

"The baby's okay," she offered tentatively.

"Sami Phelps says there's a problem with its insides."

Lily stopped walking. "Sami?"

"She heard you tell the volleyball coach that you couldn't play anymore. What's wrong?"

Lily might have asked what was wrong with Sami that she couldn't keep her mouth shut, except it was her own fault. She should have been more careful when she had talked with the coach. She supposed that if word would be spreading about this now, Robbie was the one person who really did have a right to know.

As they walked, she explained. He asked who her doctor was and when the next test was scheduled, but when he asked if he could go along, she refused. Robbie was the boy across the street who just happened to have fathered her child the one time they'd been together. Now that she was pregnant, she had no idea what their relationship was supposed to be.