Oh-So-Sensible Secretary

CHAPTER TEN

OF COURSE, it wasn’t that easy. It was all very well to resolve to make my own security and put Phin out of my mind, but how could I do that when he was stuck out in the wild Atlantic? I couldn’t think about buying flats until I knew he was safe.

I followed the Collocom race on the internet. I knew six boats had set off from Rio, but they had run into appalling weather. One boat had lost its mast, a crew member on another had been swept overboard in gigantic waves, and I was in such a panic that I actually interrupted Lex in the middle of a board meeting to ask if he knew what boat Phin was on.

‘It’s not the one you think it is,’ said Lex, sounding almost bored. ‘Phin’s on Zephyr II. They’ve gone to rescue the boat that’s lost its mast.’

So he would still be out there in those waves. Offering a belated apology to the board members, who were staring at my desperate interruption, I went back to find out everything I could about the seaworthiness of Zephyr II. My heart was in my mouth for four more days, until I heard that the weather had eased and the battered boats were all limping towards land.

As if I didn’t have enough to worry about with Phin, my mother announced that she wanted to throw up the precarious existence she had eked out with her shop in Taunton to-and I quote-‘become a pilgrim along the sacred routes of our ancestors’.

How she would support herself while criss-crossing the country on ley lines wasn’t clear. ‘It’s all part of the healing process,’ she told me, brushing aside my questions about national insurance and rent and remaindered stock. ‘This is important work, darling. The galactic core is in crisis. We must channel our light to restore its equilibrium.’

It seemed to me that it wasn’t just the galactic core that was in crisis. Her financial affairs were in no better state, and sadly no amount of channelling was going to sort them out.

‘Can you believe it?’ my mother huffed incredulously when I tried to pin her down about what was happening with the shop. ‘They’ve cut the electricity off!’

That’s my mother for you. No problem at all in believing that she has a direct connection to the galactic core-whatever that is-but entirely baffled at the notion that a utility company might stop providing electricity if they’re not paid on time.

Is it any wonder I couldn’t concentrate on buying a flat?

And, as it turned out, it was just as well.

It became clear that I would have to go down to Somerset and sort things out for Mum. I had encouraged her to rent the shop a couple of years ago. It had seemed like something that would fix her in one place. I should have known that the enthusiasm would pass like all the others.

Things were so busy at work that there was no way I could take time off for the first few weeks, but as soon as I heard that Phin’s boat had made it safely to port at the end of that leg of the race I nerved myself to ask Lex if I could have a couple of days the following week.

‘Are you thinking of a holiday?’

‘I’m afraid not.’ I told him about my mother’s shop. ‘I’ll probably need to talk to the bank and her landlord, otherwise I’d just try and do it all in a weekend,’ I finished.

Lex looked at me thoughtfully. ‘It’s unfortunate for you that you’re so good at sorting things out. Take whatever time you need,’ he said, much to my surprise. I knew he hated it when his PA wasn’t there, and he was only just adjusting to having me instead of Monique. ‘Lotty will just have to steel herself to deal with me on her own.’

He turned back to his computer. ‘I believe all the Collocom boats have made it to Boston,’ he said. ‘I imagine Phin will be on his way home soon.’

Phin. I felt the memory of his smile tingle through me. ‘We’re not…it was just…’ I stammered, unsure how much Phin had told his brother about the agreement we had made.

Lex held up a hand, obviously to forestall any emotional confession. ‘You don’t need to explain,’ he said. ‘I’d rather not know. Have you heard Jonathan Pugh is leaving us? Parker & Parker PR have poached him. It’s a good move for him,’ Lex added grudgingly.

‘I’ll still be in London,’ Jonathan said, when I congratulated him. ‘This doesn’t have to be goodbye.’

He insisted on taking me out for a drink to celebrate his new job, and, once fortified by a glass of champagne, he took my hand and asked me to marry him.

‘We could be so good together, Summer,’ he said.

I looked at him. He was clever, attractive, successful. I had adored him once, and now…now all I could think was that he was a nice man. I remembered how much I’d loved being with him, how I’d loved feeling safe, but his touch had never thrilled me. I had never felt the dark churn of desire when I was with him. I don’t think Jonathan had ever suspected I could feel desire at all until Phin had made him wonder.

I think it was then that I stopped trying to tell myself that I wasn’t in love with Phin. I was, whether I wanted to be or not. I said no to Jonathan as gently as I could, and took the train to Taunton feeling as if I had let go of something I had been holding tight for too long.

I felt a strange mixture of lightness and loss-the relief of leaving something old and unwanted behind combined with the scariness of setting off on a new road all on my own again.

My mother was as vague and as charming as ever. She had got a lift into Taunton from the field where she and several others had pitched tepees in order to live closer to nature, and we had lunch together in an organic wholefoods café where tofu and carrots featured largely on the menu. I tried to get her to grasp the realities of giving up the shop, but it was hopeless.

‘The material plane has so little meaning for me now,’ she explained.

I sighed and gave up. I had been the one who had dealt with all the financial arrangements when she started the shop, and it looked as if I would be the one who would have to close it down.

Still, I was unprepared for quite what a muddle her affairs were in, and I had a depressing meeting with the bank manager and an even worse one with the owner of the shop, who was practically foaming at the mouth with frustration as he recalled his attempts to get my mother to pay her rent, let alone maintain the property.

‘I want her out of there!’ he shouted. ‘And all that rubbish she’s got in there, too! You clear it out and count yourself lucky I’m not taking her to court.’

Mum wafted back to her tepee, and I spent that night in a dreary B &B. I sat on the narrow bed and looked at the rain trickling down the window. I felt so lonely I could hardly breathe.

I had been so careful all my life. I had been sensible. I had been good. I had always said no instead of yes, and where had it got me? All alone and feeling sorry for myself, in a single room in a cheap B &B, with nothing to look forward to but another day spent clearing up more of my mother’s mess.

I thought about ringing Anne, but she was out with Mark, and anyway she was so happy planning her wedding that I didn’t want to be a misery. Besides, the only person I really wanted to talk to was Phin.

I missed him. I missed that slow, crooked smile, the warmth in the blue eyes. I missed the energy and humour that he brought with him into a room. I even missed him calling me cream puff, which just goes to show how low I was feeling.

I missed the way he made me feel alive.

Again and again I relived that last kiss. Why had I waited so long to kiss him like that? Why had I hung on so desperately to the thought of a commitment he could never give?

It seemed to me, sitting on that candlewick bedspread-a particularly unpleasant shade of pink, just to make matters worse-that I had been offered a chance at happiness and I had turned it down. I’d been afraid of being hurt, afraid of the pain of having to say goodbye, but I was hurting now, and I didn’t even have the comfort of memories, of knowing that I’d made the most of the time I had with Phin.

If he ever came back to Gibson & Grieve, I resolved, I was going to go into his office, and this time I would lock the door. I would shake my hair loose and slide onto his lap again, and this time I wouldn’t stop at a kiss. I wouldn’t ask for love or for ever. I would live in the moment. I’d do whatever Phin wanted as long as I could touch him again, as long as he would hold me again.

I wrinkled my nose at the musty smell that met me as I opened the shop door the next morning. I had to push against the pile of junk mail and free newspapers that had accumulated since my mother had last been in.

Depressed, I picked it all up and carried it over to the counter. Straight away I could see that someone had broken into the cash register. The only consolation was that they wouldn’t have found much money. The stock, unsurprisingly, was untouched. I didn’t suppose there was much of a black market in dusty dreamcatchers or vegan cookbooks.

A manual on how to make contact with your personal guardian angel was propped on display next to a pile of weird and wonderful teas. I could have done with a guardian angel myself right then, I thought, riffling through the pages with my fingers as I looked around the shop and wondered where to begin.

Coffee, I decided, dropping the book back onto the counter. There was a kettle out at the back, where the back door had been broken down. I supposed I would have to do something about that, too.

The kettle didn’t work. No electricity, of course. Sighing, I went back into the shop-and stopped dead as the whole world tilted and a fierce joy rushed through me with such force that I reeled.

Phin was standing at the counter, with a takeaway coffee in each hand and a bag under his arm.

‘Oh, good,’ he said. ‘I’ve found the right place at last.’

‘Phin…’ I stammered. He looked so wonderful, lighting up the shop just by standing there. He was very brown, and his eyes looked bluer than ever. I was so glad to see him I almost cried.

‘Hello, cream puff,’ he said, carefully putting the coffees down.

I still couldn’t take in the fact that he was actually there. I had wanted to see him so much I was afraid I might be imagining him. ‘Phin, what are you doing here?’

‘Lex told me you were down here trying to sort out your mother’s finances,’ he said conversationally. ‘I thought you could do with a hand.’

‘But how on earth did you find me?’

‘There aren’t that many New Age shops in Taunton, but I’ve been round them all. I only had one more to try after this one.’

My throat was so tight I couldn’t speak.

‘It’s nearly eleven o’clock,’ said Phin, lifting the paper bag. ‘I knew you’d be craving some sugar.’

‘You brought doughnuts?’

‘I thought that was what you’d need.’

No one had ever thought about what I needed before. That was what I had wanted most of all. To my horror, my eyes filled with tears. I blinked them fiercely away.

‘I always need a doughnut,’ I said unevenly.

‘Then let’s have these, and we can talk about what needs to be done.’

We boosted ourselves onto the counter. I’ll never forget the taste of that doughnut: the squirt of jam as I bit into it, the contrast of the squidgy dough and the gritty sugar. And, most of all, the incredible, glorious fact that Phin was there, right beside me, sipping lukewarm coffee and brushing sugar from his fingers.

Only last night I’d decided that if I ever saw him again I would seduce him into a wild affair, but now that he was here I felt ridiculously shy, and my heart was banging so frantically in my throat I could barely get any words out. Typical. I didn’t even know how to begin being wild.

But right then I didn’t care. I only cared that he was there.

‘I thought you’d still be in the States,’ I said as I sipped my coffee.

‘No, I decided to come straight back once we got to Boston. I got home first thing on Friday morning.’

I did a quick calculation. It was Tuesday, so he had been back four days and I hadn’t known.

‘What have you been doing with yourself?’

‘I had things to do,’ he said vaguely. ‘I didn’t realise you were here until I talked to Lex last night.’

And he had come straight down to help me. My heart was slamming painfully against my ribs.

‘It must be a bit of culture shock,’ I said unsteadily. ‘From glamorous ocean race to failed New Age shop in Taunton.’

Phin smiled. ‘I like contrasts,’ he said.

‘Still, you must be exhausted.’ Draining my coffee, I set the empty beaker on the counter beside me. ‘It was so nice of you to come, but there was really no need.’

‘I didn’t like it when Lex said you were here alone.’

‘I’m fine. Taunton’s not exactly dangerous.’

‘That’s not the point. You don’t have to do everything on your own.’

But that was exactly what I did have to do. ‘I’m used to it,’ I said.

‘Where’s Jonathan?’ said Phin, frowning. ‘If he cared about you at all, he would be here.’

‘I’m sure Jonathan would have come down if I’d asked for his help, but it never occurred to me to tell him about my mother. Besides,’ I went on carefully, ‘it wouldn’t have been fair of me to ask him when I’d just refused to marry him.’

I felt Phin still beside me. ‘You refused?’ he repeated, as if wanting to be sure.

‘Yes, I…Yes,’ I finished inadequately.

My eyes locked with his then, and silence reverberated around the shop. ‘Anyway,’ I said, ‘you’re here instead.’

‘Yes,’ said Phin. ‘I’m here.’

Our eyes seemed to be having a much longer conversation-one that set hope thudding along my veins. I could feel a smile starting deep inside me, trembling out to my mouth, but I was torn. Part of me longed to throw myself into his arms, but my sensible self warned me to be careful.

If I was going to seduce him, I was going to do it properly. The scenario I had in mind demanded that I was dressed in silk and stockings. My hair would be loose and silky, my skin soft, my nails painted Vixen. I couldn’t embark on the raunchy affair I had in mind wearing jeans and a faded sweatshirt, with my hair scraped back in a ponytail.

I wondered if Phin had also been having a chat with his sensible side, because he was the one who broke the moment. Draining his coffee, he set down the paper cup.

‘So, what needs to be done?’

I didn’t say that he had already done everything I needed just by being there. ‘Really just cleaning up and getting rid of all this stuff somehow.’ I told him what the landlord had said.

Phin’s brows snapped together. ‘He shouted at you?’

‘He was just frustrated. I know how he feels.’ I sighed. ‘I’d spent the whole day trying to deal with Mum, too. I was ready to shout myself! It’s OK now, though. I’ve paid the rent arrears and settled the outstanding bills so everyone’s happy.’

‘That must have added up to a bit.’ Phin looked at me closely when I just shrugged. ‘You used your savings, didn’t you, CP?’ he said.

I managed a crooked smile. ‘It’s just money, as Mum always says.’

‘It was for your flat,’ said Phin, looking grimmer than I had ever seen him. ‘Your security. You worked for that money. You needed it.’

‘Mum needed it more,’ I said. ‘It’s OK, Phin. I’m fine about it-and Mum’s very grateful. I’ve freed her up to get on with healing the galactic core, and the way things are going at the moment that might turn out to be quite a good investment!’

Phin’s expression relaxed slightly, and I saw the familiar glimmer of a smile at the back of his eyes.

‘Anyway,’ I went on, ‘I’ve decided to stop worrying so much about the future.’ I smiled back at him as I jumped off the counter. ‘You taught me that. I’m going to try living in the moment, the way you and Mum do.’

‘Are you, now?’ The smile had spread to his face, denting the corner of his mouth and twitching his lips.

‘I am. You won’t recognise me,’ I told him. ‘I’m going to be selfish and irresponsible…just as soon as I’ve finished clearing up here.’

Phin got off the counter with alacrity, and tossed the paper cups into the bin. ‘In that case, let’s get on with it. I can’t wait to see the new, selfish Summer.’

I can’t tell you how easy everything seemed now that there were two of us. Phin sorted everything. He left me to start packing up and went off to find a man with a van.

He was back in an amazingly short time to help me. ‘Somebody called Dave is coming in a couple of hours. He’s agreed to take all the stock off our hands.’

‘What on earth is he going to do with it?’ I asked curiously.

‘I didn’t ask, and neither should you. Your problem is his trading opportunity.’

We were dusty and tired by the time we had finished. Dave had turned up, as promised, and to my huge relief had taken away all the stock-which wasn’t all that much once I started to pack it away. Then we’d bought a couple of brushes and a mop and cleaned the shop thoroughly, and Phin had mended the back door where the thieves had broken in.

I straightened, pressing both hands into the small of my back. ‘I think that’s it,’ I said, looking around the shop. It was as clean as I could make it.

Then I looked at Phin, sweeping up the debris from his repair. I thought about everything he had done for me and my throat closed.

‘I don’t know what I would have done without you,’ I told him.

Phin propped his broom against the wall. ‘You’d have coped-the way you always do,’ he said. ‘But I’m glad I could help.’

‘You did. You helped more than you can ever know,’ I said. ‘You helped me just by being here. I’m only sorry to have dragged you all the way down to Somerset as soon as you got home.’

‘You didn’t drag me anywhere,’ said Phin. ‘I wanted to be here.’

I laughed. ‘What? In a quiet side street of a pleasant provincial town? It’s not really wild enough for you, is it? I can see you wanting to trek to the South Pole, or cross the Sahara or…or…’ What did risk-takers like to do? ‘Or bungee-jump in the Andes. But clear up an old shop in the suburbs? Admit it-it’s not really your thing, is it?’

‘You’re not the only one who’s changed,’ said Phin. ‘It’s true that I used to be an adrenalin junkie, but it took that race from Rio to show me that I could push myself right to the edge, I could face everything the ocean could throw at me-and believe me that was a lot!-but hanging out on a trapeze over the waves in an Atlantic gale was still nothing like the rush I get when I’m with you.’

His tone was so conversational that it took me a moment to realise just what he’d said, and then I felt my heart start to crumble with a happiness so incredulous and so intense that it almost hurt.

Phin was still standing on the other side of the room, but it was as if an electric current connected us, fizzing and sparking in the musty air. I was held by it, by the look in his eyes and the warmth of his voice, and I couldn’t move, couldn’t speak. All I could do was stare back at him with a kind of dazed disbelief.

‘I thought about you every day at sea,’ he said, his voice so deep it reverberated through me. ‘It was tough out there, tough and exhilarating, but as soon as we got into port all I wanted was to see you, Summer. I wanted to hear your voice. I wanted to touch you. I suddenly understood what people mean when they say they want to go home. It wasn’t about being in my house, or in London. It was just being with you. And if that means spending a day clearing out an old shop, that’s where I want to be.’

I opened my mouth, but no sound came out. The air had leaked out of my lungs without me noticing and I had to suck in an unsteady breath.

‘I’ve missed you, Summer,’ said Phin.

I felt my mouth wobble treacherously and had to press my lips firmly together. ‘I’ve missed you, too,’ I said, my voice cracking.

‘Really?’

I made a valiant effort to pull myself together. It was that or dissolve into an puddle of tears and lust. And what a mess that would be.

‘Well, apart from your fiddling, obviously.’

A smile started in his eyes and spread out over his face as he took a step towards me. ‘I even missed your obsessive tidying.’

‘I missed you being late the whole time.’ It was my turn to take a step forward.

He came a little closer. ‘I missed the way you scowl at me over your glasses.’

‘I missed your silly nicknames.’

We were almost touching by now. ‘I missed kissing you,’ said Phin-just as I said, ‘I missed kissing you.’ Our words overlapped as we closed the last gap between us, and then we didn’t have to miss it any more. I was locked in his arms, my fingers clutching his hair, and we were kissing-deep, hungry kisses that sent the world rocking around us.

‘Wait, wait!’ I broke breathlessly away at last. ‘It’s not supposed to be like this!’

‘What do you mean?’ said Phin, pulling me back. ‘This is exactly how it’s supposed to be.’

‘But I want to seduce you,’ I wailed. ‘I had it all planned out. I was going to be your fantasy again-but this time I was going to lock the office door so that Lex couldn’t interrupt us.’

Phin started to laugh. ‘CP, you’re my fantasy wherever you are.’

‘Not dressed like this-all dirty and dusty!’

‘Even now, without your little suit,’ he insisted. ‘You’re all I want.’

Well, how was a girl to resist that? I melted into him and kissed him back. ‘That’s all very well, but my fantasy is to seduce you properly,’ I said. ‘And I can’t do it here.’

‘I agree,’ said Phin, his eyes dancing. ‘If I’m going to be seduced, I’d like it to be in comfort. Does it have to be the office? Let me take you home instead. There’s something I want to show you, anyway.’

So we picked up my bag from the B &B, dropped the key to the shop through the landlord’s door, and headed back to London. Phin’s car was fast, and incredibly comfortable as it purred effortlessly up the motorway, but I was so happy by then that I could probably have floated all the way under my own steam.

I was shimmering with excitement at the thought of what was to come, and it was still incredibly easy being together. We talked all the way back. Phin told me about sailing up the coast of South America, about winds and waves and negotiating currents, and about their dramatic rescue mission. I told him about my mother’s new plan, and Anne’s wedding, and how I’d decided to rent a little place on my own and not tie myself down with a mortgage.

We caught up on office gossip, too. I told Phin about Jonathan’s new job. ‘It’s a big promotion for him.’

‘Lex won’t be happy, but I can’t say I’m sorry he’s leaving,’ said Phin. ‘But then, I’m just jealous.’

It was so absurd I laughed. ‘You can’t possibly be jealous of Jonathan, Phin!’

‘I am,’ he insisted. ‘I remember how you felt about him. I know how important steadiness and security has always been to you. When you told me you’d talked to Jonathan in Aduaba, it seemed to me that he was offering you everything you really wanted.’

‘Is that why you left when I went to work for Lex?’

He nodded. ‘I thought it would be easier for you to get together with Jonathan, but as soon as I agreed to go to Rio I knew I had made a terrible mistake. All the time on the boat I thought about you with him, and I hated it. I couldn’t believe how stupid I’d been. What had I been thinking? Helping you to get Jonathan back when all along I’d been falling in love with you myself. Duh.’

Phin slapped his forehead to make the point. ‘And who had I been trying to kid with all that stuff about wanting you to be happy with Jonathan if that was what you really wanted? I was way too selfish for that. I wanted to make you happy myself, and I knew that I could do it if only you’d give me a chance. I had my strategy all worked out.’

‘What strategy?’ I asked, turning in my seat to look at him.

‘You’ll see,’ said Phin. ‘I flew back to London as soon as we hit land, which gave me the weekend to put the first part of my plan into action. The next stage was to find you and separate you from Jonathan somehow. So I went into the office yesterday, but of course you weren’t there-and nor was Lex. I couldn’t get hold of him until later, and that’s when he told me you were down here on your own. I was partly outraged that Jonathan wasn’t here to help you, but I was pleased, too, that you were alone so I could tell you how I felt.’

He glanced at me with a smile. ‘Then you told me that you weren’t going to marry him after all. You’ll never know how relieved I was to hear that, cream puff.’

I smiled back at him. ‘It took you going for me to realise how much I loved you,’ I told him. ‘I knew then that I couldn’t marry Jonathan. I thought I loved him, but I didn’t really know him. You were right. I loved what he represented. But you knew more about me after that first time we had coffee than Jonathan ever did. He never made an effort to see what I was really like until you made it easy for him. You were the only one who’s ever looked at me and understood me. You’re the one who’s made me realise I can be sensible some of the time, but I don’t have to be like that all the time-and I won’t be when I seduce you,’ I promised.

‘I love the fact that you’re so sensible,’ Phin told me. ‘I love the contrast between that and your sexiness, that you wear sharp suits but silk lingerie. And most of all,’ he said, ‘I love the fact that I’m the only one who sees that about you. Everyone thinks you’re wonderful-’

I goggled. ‘They all think I’m nitpicking and irritable!’

‘Maybe, but they also know you’re kind and generous, and the person they can all turn to when they need help or something has to be done. But I’m the only one that sees the cream puff in you,’ said Phin, and his smile made my heart turn over.

‘Don’t joke,’ I said, laying my hand on his thigh. ‘I’m going to be channelling my inner cream puff from now on. I hope you’re ready!’

Phin covered my hand with his own. ‘Don’t distract me while I’m driving,’ he said, but his fingers tightened over mine and he lifted them to press a kiss on my knuckles.

‘I’ve never been the kind of girl who has an affair with her boss,’ I said with a happy sigh. ‘I hope I’ll be able to carry it off.’

‘Perhaps it’s just as well I’m not going to be your boss any more,’ said Phin. ‘We’d never get any work done. But who’s going to keep me in order in the office? Have you found me a new PA yet?’

‘No. Everyone I’ve considered has been too young or too pretty for you to share doughnuts with. I’m looking for someone who’s ready to retire.’

Phin laughed. ‘I won’t eat doughnuts with anyone but you, I promise.’

‘It’s only until Monique comes back,’ I said. ‘I’m thinking we could get by if we look after you in Lex’s office. Lotty could keep your diary.’

‘Sounds good to me,’ he said. ‘As long as you come down to my office occasionally and lock the door before you take your hair down!’

We had been making our stop-start way along the King’s Road, but now Phin turned off into his street. I looked at his house as we pulled up outside. ‘There’s something different…You’ve painted the door!’ I suspect my eyes were shining as I turned to him. ‘It’s exactly the right shade of blue. How did you know?’

‘Phew,’ said Phin, grinning at my delight. ‘I have to admit that was a lucky guess.’

I got out of the car, still staring. ‘And window boxes!’

‘I got a gardening company to do them. What do you think?’

My throat was constricted. ‘It’s just like my dream,’ I said, wanting to cry. ‘You remembered.’

‘Wait till you see inside!’

I hardly recognised the house. It was immaculately clean, and all the clutter had been cleared away so that the rooms felt airy and light.

I stood in the middle of the living room and turned slowly around until my eye fell on the sofa.

Two cushions sat on it, plump and precisely angled.

I looked at them for a long, long moment, and then raised my eyes to look at Phin.

‘They look all right, don’t they?’ he said.

Taking my hand, he drew me down onto the sofa, careless of the cushions. ‘You know that studio you were thinking of renting? I was thinking you could move in here instead. I had cleaners blitz the house yesterday, so I can’t promise that it will always be like this-but you could tidy up all you want.’

‘Move in?’ I looked around my dream house, then back to the dream man beside me, and for a moment I wondered if this really was just a dream. ‘But aren’t we going to have a passionate affair?’

‘It depends what you mean by affair,’ said Phin, picking his words with care.

‘I mean sex with no strings,’ I said adamantly. ‘I don’t want to tie you down. I’ve learnt my lesson. I want being with you to be about having fun, being reckless, not thinking about the future or commitment or anything.’

‘Oh,’ said Phin.

‘That’s what you want, isn’t it?’

‘The thing is, I’m not sure I do.’

I stared at him.

‘I think,’ he said, ‘that I’ve changed my mind.’

My heart did a horrible flip-flop, leaving me feeling sick. ‘Oh,’ I said, drawing my hand out of his. ‘Oh, I see. I understand.’

But I didn’t. I didn’t understand at all. I had just let myself believe that he wanted me as much as I wanted him. Why had he changed his mind?

Phin took my hand firmly back. ‘I’m fairly sure you don’t see, Summer. For someone so sharp, you can be very dense sometimes! I haven’t changed my mind about you, you idiot. I’ve changed it about commitment. I’ve spent my whole life running away from the very idea of it,’ he admitted, ‘but that was because I had never found anyone or anything that was worth committing to. Now there’s you, and it’s all changed. It was all I could think about on the boat. It wasn’t that I didn’t enjoy the sailing, but this time I wanted you to come home to. I wanted to know that you would always be there.

‘So I’m afraid,’ he said, with a show of regret, ‘that if you want to have an affair with me you’re going to have to marry me. I know you’re just interested in my body, but I’m so in love with you, Summer. Say you’ll marry me and always be there for me.’

I looked back into those blue, blue eyes, and the expression I saw there squeezed my heart with a mixture of joy and relief so acute it was painful. I was perilously close to tears even as exhilarating, intoxicating happiness bubbled along my veins like champagne. It was like stumbling unexpectedly into paradise after a long, hard journey. It was too much, too wonderful. I could hardly take it in.

Unable to tell Phin how I felt, I reverted to joking instead.

‘But what about my fantasy to seduce you?’ I pretended to pout. ‘I was so determined that I was going to live dangerously. You can’t have an affair with your own fiancé!’

‘If you want to be reckless, let’s get married straight away,’ said Phin.

‘I don’t think Lex would like that very much. He’s running out of suitable PAs.’

‘He’d be furious,’ Phin agreed, and grinned wickedly at me. ‘Let’s do it anyway.’

I pretended to consider. ‘I still don’t get to have an affair,’ I pointed out.

‘How about we don’t get engaged until tomorrow?’ he suggested. ‘Then you can have your wicked way with me tonight with no commitment at all. But I’m warning you-that’s it,’ he said with mock sternness as he pulled me down beneath him. ‘One night is all you’re going to get, and you won’t even have that unless you say yes. So, just how badly do you want an affair, my little cream puff?’

‘Very badly,’ I said, a smile trembling on my lips.

‘Badly enough to stick with me for ever after tonight?’

‘Well, if I must…’ I sighed contentedly.

Phin bent his head until his mouth was almost touching mine. ‘So here’s the deal. You seduce me to your heart’s content tonight, and then we get married.’

‘I get to do whatever I want with you?’

‘It’s your fantasy,’ he agreed. ‘I’m all yours. And tomorrow you’re all mine.’ He smiled. ‘Do we have a deal?’

Well, it would have been rude to say no, wouldn’t it?

I put my arms around his neck and pulled him into a long, sweet kiss. ‘It’s a deal,’ I promised.

‘Good,’ said Phin, satisfied. ‘Now, about this fantasy of yours…where are you going to start?’

I took hold of his T-shirt and pulled it over his head. ‘I’ll show you.’