On the Fence

Chapter 29

Camp took place at a little private college on the coast, three hours south of us. The first two days at camp, I shut everyone and everything out, even my friends I hadn’t seen since last summer. I got in the zone, focusing only on the game. It felt good to let my body take over and my mind think only about basketball.

“Keep playing like that, Charlie, and you’re going to have your pick of colleges,” one of the coaches said as I threw my ball into the bin to leave the gym for the night.

“Thanks, coach.”

I left the gym and breathed in the coastal air. I didn’t usually run on the beach. I wasn’t sure why. Our house was only about ten miles inland. I hadn’t wanted to tie up the car for my daily run. But the ocean helped me sink even farther into my brainless routine. Its repetitive rhythm and steadiness lent to my complete shutout of the world around me. So I headed to the beach for a pre-dinner run. It was freeing not to have restrictions on what time of day I could run. Some other kids from camp had the same idea, and I fell in step with a group of guys who I knew from last summer.

We all greeted each other but didn’t disrupt our run with talking. This was what I liked about camp—a lot of focused people coming together. This was me. Already this week had redirected me, reminded me about what I loved. The game. The competition. So did that mean there was no place in my life for other things?

No. I just had to bring myself to the game and make sure everyone still wanted to be part of my life. Braden was right, as hard as it was to admit: Evan didn’t know all of who I was. But he was wrong about the other part—that Evan wouldn’t like me if he did. I thought he would. I smiled and picked up my pace.

With my hair still wet from my shower, I headed for my dorm room, ready to sleep hard tonight. I opened the door. Susie looked up from where she lay on her bed, staring at her phone. She’d been my roommate for the last two years.

“Hey, Charlie.”

Our schedules had been off this year because we were on different teams, so this was the first chance I’d really gotten to talk to her. I kicked off my flip-flops and threw my duffel bag into the corner. “Hi.”

“You’re killing it out there this year. I need whatever coach you’ve been using.”

I smiled. “It’s called the trying-to-sort-out-boys program.”

She sat up on her bed and tossed her phone onto the nightstand. “I’m listening.”

I groaned. “There’s nothing to tell. One boy is driving me crazy and another boy might not be the One.” I sank onto my bed with another groan.

“Tell me about him.”

“Which one?”

She shrugged. “Both.”

“Evan. He’s cute and nice and fun.”

“But . . .”

I laughed. “But maybe I haven’t been completely myself around him.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. I thought he wouldn’t like me.”

“Well, that’s no good.”

“I know.”

“And what about the other boy? Is he a contender in the race for your heart too?”

“I don’t think there’s really a race. But no, he’s not. He’s my neighbor and apparently thinks he’s my boss. He’s mad at me for dating Evan. He doesn’t like him.”

“Braden?”

I whipped my head toward her.

“This is our third summer together, Charlie. I do know things.”

“Right. And yes, Braden.”

“What doesn’t he like about him?”

“He thinks he’s . . .” I tried to think of the word Braden used to describe Evan. “Ridiculous.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. Because he wears loafers or something. No good reason.”

She smiled knowingly. “So Braden is jealous. You didn’t tell me Braden liked you.”

“No. He doesn’t.”

“What makes you think he doesn’t like you?”

I rolled onto my side, hugging my pillow to my chest. “He told me.”

“Ouch.”

“No. It’s not like that. I don’t like Braden. Well, okay, I was crushing on him for a while, but we’re friends. We can’t like each other like that. It was more embarrassing than hurtful,” I said, remembering the humiliation that night by the fence.

“Does he like another girl?”

“No. Well, actually, yes. One I introduced him to.”

“What does she have that you don’t?”

I gave a single laugh. “Femininity.”

She threw a wadded-up sock at me. “Who wants that?”

“Apparently guys.”

Susie laughed. “So I hear.” She rolled onto her back. “If he doesn’t want you for you, then he’s not worth it.”

Hadn’t Braden said those exact same words to me when referring to Evan? I laughed. “Susie. You’re not hearing me. I don’t want Braden . . . anymore. Our friendship is more important to me.” But did we even have that anymore? My heart sank with the thought that maybe I had ruined that. Or he did.

“So then you’re going to try with Evan?”

“I don’t know. He’s fine. He just knows the other me, not the real me.”

She raised one eyebrow. “Other you?”

“Yes, I have a bit of a split personality, apparently. Long story.”

“We have all night.”

I filled her in on my side job and why I had to get it. On how I met Evan, and Braden’s reaction to him.

“Wait, so if Braden hates his guts and Evan really is a nice guy, don’t you think that means Braden is jealous?”

“No, Braden thinks I’m being fake around Evan.”

“And you are?”

“Sometimes.”

“But why would Braden care so much unless he cared? You know what I mean?”

“He cares. Just not like that.” I rearranged my pillow and adjusted my position. “I’m just glad I’m here. I needed a break from both of them.”

“Breaks are good. Maybe the time away will help clarify things.”

That’s exactly what I hoped for. “You got the light?” I asked.

“You’re closer.”

“Am not.”

She picked up a stuffed basketball next to her and threw it across the room at the light panel, plunging us into darkness. “Nice shot,” I said.

“Thanks.”

Susie snored. I knew this because I could not sleep. She needed one of those machines with the straps. I’d have to tell Braden.

It was only eleven, but I should’ve been exhausted. My brain wouldn’t shut off. I told Susie that I hoped this week would help me clarify things, but I realized I wasn’t trying to clarify anything. I was trying to shut everything out. That was why I was working so hard. Physical exertion made me forget; the adrenaline, the high of the competition helped me block out everything else.

What I really needed right now was to sit by the fence and talk about my problems with Braden. I wanted to hear the timbre of his voice as he responded to me. He had a very soothing voice. And he always knew just what to say . . . except he seemed to be saying all the wrong things lately and making me mad. Nobody could make me as mad as he could. It was probably because he knew me so well that he knew what bothered me the most.

I could picture his face perfectly—hazel eyes, floppy auburn hair, a very light dusting of freckles. The way his cheeks turned red when he worked too hard. Like that night he ran behind me for five miles when we were fighting, just so I wouldn’t run alone. His cheeks had been so red that night.

I moved to my side and readjusted my blankets. I closed my eyes, but all I could see was his face with his lopsided smile. That was my favorite. It was like he was amused but didn’t want to admit it. He gave me that look a lot. Like the time he beat me in one-on-one basketball. I liked that he didn’t let me win, but I was so mad that he won. He found that so amusing.

I wasn’t amused right now. Right now I was still hurt that Braden didn’t think Evan could like me for me. Why did I care what Braden thought anyway? It didn’t matter. My brothers seemed to think Evan was nice. That was enough.

Only it wasn’t.

Why wasn’t it?

I growled and moved onto my back, staring at the shadows on the ceiling, hoping they could tell me the answer to that question. The only thing I saw on the ceiling was Braden’s face.

My heart gave a jolt and I sat up. Crap.

I knew why I cared. Why this mattered so much. Why his opinion was the only thing that mattered.

I was more than just crushing on him. I loved Braden.