Private Pleasures

Chapter Seven

The autumn came, and Carla remarked that she thought Nora was really losing a lot of weight. "Haven't you noticed? Your clothes are hanging on you. Are you eating enough, sweetie?"

"I'm fine," Nora reassured her friend, "but I miss our coffee hours, and I miss all the kids on the court. It'll really be empty next year when the twins are gone, and Tiff is already working in Joe and Rick's office. She goes to class a couple of mornings a week, and then works the afternoons. Even you're gone during the days now."

"Yeah, I was really lucky being able to switch to the seven-a.m.-to-three-p.m. shift from nights," Carla said. "I can be home now in plenty of time to fix a nice dinner for Rick, and then when he goes to sleep before nine"- she grinned-"I can spend an hour or two playing in The Channel."

"I wonder if the others are playing too?" Nora said softly.

"Rina is back full-time with social services. They need case workers desperately, especially experienced ones like Rina. And Joanne is subbing this year for one of the fourth-grade teachers who's out on maternity leave."

"When did that happen?" Nora asked.

"The sub they had got preggers too, and without benefit of clergy. The school board wasn't too thrilled, but it's a difficult pregnancy and so she quit. They called in Joanne," Carla explained.

"Fourth grade," Nora said softly. "I remember fourth grade."

"Yeah, the year when all nice little kids turn into know-it-all, smart-mouthed preteens," Carla replied. "I don't envy Joanne one bit. How are your classes coming? You never did tell me what you decided to take."

"Introduction to Computers, Introduction to Business Management, Beginning Marketing, and a course called How to Get a Job in Today's Market. That one only meets once a week, but it's fascinating, and it's scary. I wish I was more interested in teaching, but I'm just not," Nora said.

"Doing any Channel surfing?" Carla said with a grin.

"Every night," Nora replied. "I don't know what I'd do without Kyle and Rolf."

"My God, Nora, no wonder you look so drawn!" Carla exclaimed. "You've got a full course load, and you're partying all night. When the hell do you sleep? Not to mention get your homework done." Her brown eyes showed concern.

"My schedule is set up so I only have classes three days a week. I go nine to noon two days, and nine to one on Wednesdays. I come home and do the course work and the reading. I'm asleep by five thirty most nights, up at nine, and into The Channel for some fun. I'm limiting my time there on school nights. I'm home by one a.m., and then up at seven thirty on school days. I've never been happier," Nora said with a smile. "Jeff isn't as happy," she laughed. "You're right, though. My clothes are hanging on me these days. I'll have to do some alterations. I just don't have the funds for new stuff, but I'm going to splurge and get my hair colored. Jeff wouldn't let me, but nothing ages a woman more than too much weight and faded hair."

"Are you dieting?" Carla asked.

"Nah," Nora said.

"What did you eat for breakfast this morning?" Carla demanded to know.

"I grabbed a yogurt and cup of coffee before I left," Nora replied.

"And lunch? What did you eat for lunch?" Carla persisted.

Nora thought a moment. "I forgot lunch," she said.

"It looks like you're forgetting lunch a lot these days," Carla told her, and going to Nora's fridge, she opened it to peer inside. "Good grief!" she exclaimed. "There's nothing in here."

"Yes, there is too," Nora responded.

"Half a cooked chicken, and you didn't cook it. It's one of those rotisserie birds from the market," Carla said. "A bowl of salad greens. Yogurt, a couple of bottles of flavored soda water, cheddar cheese, and some two percent milk. Nora, you aren't cooking for yourself! No butter? No bread?" She pulled open the top freezer. There was a package of Stouffer's macaroni and cheese, a bag of frozen green beans, and two packages of frozen chopped spinach. "No ice cream?" Carla shook her head. "Honey, you aren't taking care of yourself," she fretted. "You're going to get sick."

"I don't know how to cook for one," Nora muttered. "Besides, I take a multivitamin pill every day, Carla. I'm hardly skin and bones right now."

"You were a size sixteen, and I would put money on it that you've lost at least two dress sizes," Carla said, her sharp eye examining her best friend.

"I used to be a size eight," Nora said.

"Older women who lose too much weight always look their age, or older if they don't have the dollars to do face work, and you don't, sweetie. And even those women who do, hell, you can tell. I don't care how good the doctor is- those done-over faces on older gals always end up looking like an Egyptian death mask. There comes a time when a woman should age gracefully."

"I am aging gracefully," Nora laughed, "but losing a little weight will be good for my heart and blood pressure. Look at Margo. My mother is in her early seventies, and still a size six. And she doesn't look her age at all."

"Come to dinner tonight," Carla said.

"I've got a test tomorrow. I can't," Nora responded. "I'm not even going to go play tonight."

"I'm having my famous manicotti with meat sauce, and that garlic bread you love so much," Carla tempted.

Nora laughed again. "Bring me over some later, and I'll freeze it for another night."

Carla sighed. "When are you seeing Rick again?" she asked.

"Friday, after school," Nora answered. "Then I'm heading up to State for Parents Weekend. J. J. asked me to come."

"We're going too," Carla said. "Ride with us?"

"I will," Nora said. "I hate making that drive alone. Where are you staying?"

"The Fairfax Inn," Carla responded.

"Me too! That's great." Nora smiled. "It'll be fun."

"Okay, you're off the hook for tonight. I'll bring you some manicotti to freeze."

But after meeting with her lawyers on Friday afternoon, Nora didn't know if she wanted to go anywhere. She felt sick with their news. More than anything, she just wanted to find a hole, crawl into it, and die.

"What do you mean, I can't get the house?" she demanded of Rick. "It's the only thing I want from him. Nothing else."

Rick sighed. "It's been a long shot all along, Nora. Joe and I told you that right from the beginning. The house has always been in just his name, and that gives him the advantage over you. However, when he nicked the kids' college money he made a mistake, and that's been our club. It's a little club, but we've gotten you a really incredible settlement under the circumstances. The house has no mortgage, and you're going to get forty percent of the sales price. That ain't hay in this market, given the neighborhood we're in," Rick explained. "You should see close to four hundred thousand dollars, Nora. And you're going to get a thousand dollars a month in alimony for five years. J. J.'s scholarship is good for four years, and we've got Jeff to pay for J. J.'s dorm room. However, if the kid goes off campus, he's out of luck, and he'll have to buy his own meal ticket, but he'll manage it."

"What about Jill's tuition at Duke?" Nora wanted to know.

Rick shook his head. "Jeff loves having a daughter in law school at Duke, but he won't pay for it. He paid for her undergrad work, and this first year at Duke. No court will think him unfair to ask that she get scholarship money for her last two years. Jill is bright, and she's resourceful, Nora. She'll manage it, and we'll see she does, I promise you. What are friends for?"

Nora felt the tears, but she blinked them back. "A car?" she asked hopefully.

Rick shook his head. "Sorry," he told her.

"What if I bought out his interest in the house?" she said.

"Nora, you couldn't afford it, and you couldn't get a mortgage in your name. You have no credit. Everything- the phone, the electricity, the water company, the car, the credit card you had- it's all been in Jeff's name. I told you this before. That's something you've got to do. Begin to establish your own credit. I've gotten the bank to agree to give you a credit card in your own name, but it only has a twelve-hundred-dollar credit line, I'm afraid." He reached into his desk and pulled out an envelope. "Here," he said.

She took the envelope, heart sinking. She knew that Margo was very well-fixed, but she couldn't ask her mother for six hundred thousand dollars to buy the house. Her mother lived comfortably on her interest income and her late husband's Social Security. She would have to sell something to help Nora, and that would drastically cut her income. I can't do it, Nora thought. She loves being independent, and I can't make her pinch pennies. It isn't fair. But what wasn't fair was Jeff taking the house. "There's no way of stopping him from selling?" she asked.

"If you got lucky, and he died screwing Heidi before the divorce, then you would get everything," Rick said, "but we can't count on that happening, Nora. But he's not going to put the house on the market until next April first, so you've got at least until then, and while the house will sell quickly, by the time the details are settled it will be June or July. Almost a year," he finished, looking uncomfortable. Carla was really going to give him grief about this, but what could he do? They were dealing with the law.

"Don't tell Carla yet, Rick. I don't want to spoil our weekend. I don't feel much like going right now," Nora admitted, "but J. J. would be so disappointed."

He looked relieved. "Yeah," he agreed. "If we tell Carla, she'll go on about it all weekend, and no one will have a good time. What do you want to say?"

"Let's give her something or she'll be suspicious," Nora told him. "We'll tell her about the five years of alimony, and J. J.'s dorm room. You can say you and Joe are working on the rest, okay?"

"You're a good friend, Nora Buckley," he told her.

"So are you and Carla," she responded.

The leaves were turning as they drove to the state university at Whitford. At the Fairfax Inn they discovered that Nora's reservation in the name of Mrs. Jeffrey Buckley was now in the name of Mr. and Mrs. Jeffrey Buckley.

"There's an error," she said. "My husband and I are in the midst of a divorce. Here's my reservation number. See? Three-six-nine-one-one." She held out the postcard to the clerk. "And you will note it is addressed to Mrs., not Mr. and Mrs."

"There's obviously been an error," the desk clerk said, "and Mr. and Mrs. Buckley checked in a half an hour ago." He looked uncomfortable.

"That would be my husband and his girlfriend," Nora replied sweetly. "Well, give me another room, then."

"I can't." The clerk looked agonized now. "We're full. It's Parents' Weekend, madame."

"I know, and I'm here to visit my son, who is one of the junior varsity soccer stars." She smiled a dangerous smile. "You have a choice, young man. Either give me another room, or remove my husband and his little playmate from my room."

"Is there a problem here, Roberts? We're stacking up with check-ins," asked an officious man in a dark blazer with a name tag on his lapel that read C. ELDERS, ASSISTANT MANAGER.

Before the poor besieged clerk might answer, Nora said coolly, "The reservation I made has been given to my husband and his girlfriend. Roberts says there are no other rooms. I have my confirmation, and I will wager that no confirmation number was checked when Jeff arrived. I want my room. And I want it now."

"We can give you a room in the annex, madame. We do keep a few vacant for emergencies," C. Elders said. He glared at the check-in clerk.

"But I don't want to be in the annex," Nora replied, and she gave the man a steely smile. "I want my reservation that is next door to my friends. Put Mr. Buckley and his tartlet in the annex."

"Madame, we are doing our best," the assistant manager sputtered.

"I am Mrs. Buckley's attorney," Rick broke in, "and I should hate to see this incident become any more public than your inefficiency is making it. Mrs. Buckley will wait in our room while you remove Mr. Buckley and his friend from her room. Is that clear, Mr. Elders?"

"Yes, sir," the assistant manager said, and then he turned to the hapless check-in clerk. "See to it, Roberts! Immediately!"

Nora and Carla looked at each other and swallowed back their laughter.

"Doncha just love him when he get tough?" Carla said, grinning.

"He's quite amazing," Nora agreed. "It's a whole 'nother side of Richard Johnson, and I have to say I like it."

They went upstairs, and Nora listened with a large grin on her face as she heard Jeff bitching when he and Heidi were moved out of the room next door.

"Does this other room have a fireplace?" Jeff demanded to know. "I want to speak with the manager!"

"I'm sorry, sir. The manager isn't here this weekend, but you can speak with Mr. Elders, his assistant," the bellhop said.

"I've already spoken with that moron," Jeff almost shouted. "How the hell could this kind of a mix-up occur?"

"I don't know, sir," the bellhop said, and they heard the elevator doors closing.

The trio burst into laughter.

"He'll figure it out soon enough," Nora said with a chuckle.

Shortly afterwards there came a knock on the door, and Mr. Elders himself was outside it. "I've had the bellhop bring up your luggage, Mrs. Buckley. The room has been cleaned, and is ready for you. I apologize for the distress this mix-up has caused you. May I escort you?"

"Thank you," Nora said quietly. Then she turned to her friends. "What time are we meeting the kids?" she asked.

"Six. Downstairs. We've got a reservation in the Colonial Dining Room for dinner," Carla said.

"I'll see you there," Nora told her, and followed the now-unctuous Mr. Elders.

When he had left her Nora looked about the room. It was beautifully done with a tester bed and faux Chippendale furniture. On the table by the fireplace were a small basket of fruit and a box of chocolates. She pulled the card from between an apple and a pear. "Thank you for your patience. C. Elders," the card read. Nora tossed it into the fire, and picking up the telephone, asked the answering operator, "Do you get The Channel?"

"Yes, madam," the operator said. "Would you like to order it?"

"Yes. This is Mrs. Buckley in room 320."

"No problem, Mrs. Buckley. It will be available after ten p.m."

Well, Mr. Nicholas had said The Channel was available just about everywhere. Nora grinned to herself.

J. J. met her two hours later in the lobby. He hugged her hard, and then said, "Dad's here with Heidi. I told him he didn't have to come, that you were coming. He just called me this morning to tell me. I didn't have the time to call you, and I was afraid you wouldn't come if you knew he was here."

"It's okay, honey," Nora assured him, and then she told him about the botch with the room reservations.

J. J. laughed. "Does he know he got kicked out for you?" he wondered.

"I suspect they just told him it was a mix-up because of the nature of the weekend. I was in Carla and Rick's room when they moved him out. He wasn't being very gracious," Nora chuckled.

It would be difficult seeing Jeff, especially knowing what she knew now about the house, Nora thought, but she didn't share her news with J. J. She had promised herself when this all began that she wouldn't build a wall between father and son. Not that Jeff had been a great dad. He hadn't. But he was still J. J.'s male parent. She set her mind on having a good weekend with her child.

And it was good. They all had dinner together that night. The Johnsons, with Maureen, Nora and J. J. They had breakfast the next morning at the inn's wonderful and justly famous buffet. Jeff and Heidi were there. Nora sent her son to sit with them, although he objected. For me, she had told him. At least Jeff couldn't claim she was keeping their son from him.

They went to the football game together, and State won. Nora showed her son the different dorms she had lived in when she was at State. But things had changed a lot over the years since she had graduated. J. J. showed her his dorm, where the soccer team resided. But Pagano's was still there, and they had pizza for dinner that night- Rick, Carla, Maureen, J. J., and Nora.

"And this time I can legally order a pitcher of real beer," Nora said, laughing. "It was only three-point-two percent back when I was here."

On Sunday the soccer teams played. While the varsity lost, the junior varsity won. J. J. was elated that his mother had been there to see him play, and win. They had Sunday dinner at the inn. Then they bid their kids good-bye, and drove home, arriving in Egret Pointe in a dusky mid-October twilight.

"I'll bring over the manicotti," Carla said. "I froze it for you. You can have it for supper tomorrow night."

And when she came with a dish big enough to feed a family, tucking it into Nora's fridge, Nora told her all of her Friday meeting with Rick. Carla sat down, and burst into tears. "No," she said. "You can't move. You can't! I know I said you would be better off without this big house, but I never meant it."

"I don't have a choice," Nora told her friend.

"There has to be a way," Carla wailed. "I'm going to tell Rick he has to find a way, Nora. You can't lose the house."

"Honey, Rick has done his best. I don't want to lose the house, but at least J. J. gets his college money, and Jeff has got to ante up for me for the next five years. That will give me plenty of time to get on my feet."

"A thousand a month isn't much," Carla said. "And where are you going to live? If you spend the money you get on a condo, you won't have a helluva lot left for investments for your old age."

"I'll inherit something from Margo one day," Nora replied.

"What if she gets a catastrophic illness, and runs through the money?" Carla said. "You need the house to be safe. The taxes aren't too bad, but they will go up when the name is changed on the deed. You can still manage."

"Maybe Jeff will die in the sack with Heidi before the divorce," Nora teased her friend. "Then it's all mine."

"From your lips to God's ear," Carla replied fiercely. "Oh, God! I can't bear to think that you won't be next door this time next year." And she cried a little more.

I can't bear it either, Nora thought, comforting her best friend. I'm not going to go. There has to be another way. There has to be!

Rick had said that Raoul Kramer would have the papers for her to sign in a few days. "Get me a few more weeks before I have to sign," she instructed him.

"How?" He knew she was stalling to avoid the inevitable.

"Ask for more alimony! Try for Jill's tuition again. And then say I'll sign after the New Year. I don't want to spoil the kids' holidays. They'll both be home, and I don't want them to know that it's the last Christmas they'll celebrate in this house. Jeff has got to understand that, hard-hearted bastard that he is! Both Jill and J. J. have lived every Christmas of their lives in this house. Please, Rick. Appeal to Kramer, and let him convince Jeff."

"I'm not going to haggle with them at this point," Rick said. "They could withdraw the deal, but I'll speak with Kramer. I can vouch that you've always been a woman of your word, Nora, and Jeff knows it too."

"You're certain she'll do it after the New Year?" Raoul Kramer asked Rick Johnson after the call had been made.

"Look, I've known Nora Buckley almost twenty-five years, Kramer. If she says she'll do it, she'll do it. But look at it from her standpoint. She doesn't want her kids to have a miserable time when they come home for Christmas. Is it really that much to ask? He's agreed not to put the house on the market until April first anyway. Signing after the holiday isn't going to change anything, but maybe this little bit of extra time before she signs will let Nora come to terms with her situation. You know she's getting the short end of the stick."

"Usually I like my business," Raoul Kramer said, "but in cases like this I don't. He's a real piece of work, my client, but you never heard me say it. Relax. I'll get Mrs. Buckley her time. But tell her I want you both in my offices at ten a.m. on January second to sign those papers. Deal?"

"Deal," Rick replied. "And, Kramer, thanks. I owe you for this one."

Raoul Kramer laughed. "What the hell could a little country mouse of a lawyer like you do for me?" he asked.

"Hey, you never know," Rick said, feeling better already. "Remember, the turtle won the race over the faster hare."

Raoul Kramer laughed again and hung up.

Jeff, however, wasn't happy. "I wanted this thing tied up fast. You promised me it would be, Kramer. That's why I'm paying you the big bucks. But instead I've ended up paying a bridge loan, and Heidi has me in debt up to my ears furnishing the place!"

"Look, if you hadn't defrauded your kids of the moneys for their college educations, Buckley, it would have been a done deal. I could have gotten you off almost scot-free. But you got greedy before you hired me, so you're paying for that blunder. When the first Mrs. Buckley signs the papers doesn't matter. The timetable we've set up will remain in effect. Let her and let your kids have one last peaceful Christmas in their home. She isn't going to tell them until after she signs the papers on January second. What the hell difference does it make to let her and your kids be happy? You act as if she's done something wrong, and you want to punish her for it, but if the truth be known, she's the innocent party in all of this. If I were her lawyer, I'd have hung you out to dry."

"Jeff"- Heidi Millar put a hand on his arm-"Mr. Kramer is right. Let Nora and the kids have their last moments in the house. The bridge loan payment hasn't come out of your pocket. I've been paying it. You've got just about everything you want. Be gracious in victory. And I'll stop buying stuff for the co-op, I promise." She gave him a little kiss, and smiled winningly.

Raoul Kramer almost laughed. Jeff Buckley had already lost his pants, and he didn't even know it. "Thank you, Ms. Millar," he said.

"Alright," Jeff said grudgingly. "Alright. But no more delays after this one. She had damned well better show up here on January second, and sign on the dotted line, or you're toast, Kramer!"

"Did you ever know your wife not to keep her word, Buckley?" Raoul Kramer asked his client. And when his clients had gone he picked up the telephone and called Rick Johnson. "I'm confirming. He's agreed, and yeah, you really do owe me." Then he hung up and sat back in his chair, considering what a shit Jeffrey Buckley was and knowing Nora Buckley would be relieved to have just a little more time. Poor faded little bitch. She really didn't deserve what was happening to her. Then he shrugged to himself. It was the law. Or at least that's what he told himself a lot lately.

And Nora was relieved when Rick called. "You've got your extension, but nothing else changes. We've got to be in town on the second of January to sign the papers."

"Thanks, Rick," Nora told him.

J. J. came home for Thanksgiving, and they had dinner with the Johnsons. He and Maureen were full of stories of their almost completed first term.

"He's studying," Maureen announced to their assembled parents. "He's in my freshman English class, and the teacher just loves him. Says he doesn't usually get sports jocks to whom he can give good grades."

"Hey, my sister said the first semester was important," J. J. protested.

"When did you ever listen to Jill before?" Maureen countered, and they all laughed.

Nora bought Christmas cards, and signed them "Nora Buckley and family." She had them out December 10. She decorated the house as she always had with lights and garlands of greens with red plastic apples, pinecones, and red plaid ribbon. There was a large real pine wreath on the front door hung just below the polished brass knocker. Carl Ulrich as usual got his painter friend with the small cherry picker to decorate the large concolor fir on Nora's lawn with colored Christmas lights. Since the Buckley house sat at the end of the cul-de-sac, the tree had always been a centerpiece for the street. When it had become too tall for even a person on a ladder to decorate, Carl had called in his buddy to do it.

"I wonder if the new people will let us decorate the tree," Rina said to Joanne.

Carla began to cry, standing out in the street, watching her husband and Carl up in the cherry picker draping lights while Nora directed from below.

"Don't cry, Carla," Tiffany said, putting an arm about the woman. "Everything's going to be alright. I just know it is!"

"Nothing is ever going to be the same again if Nora goes," Carla replied, and thought they said nothing because what could they say? They all knew she was right.

All the kids on Ansley Court came home for the holiday season, and as they always had, they celebrated together. They were at Sam and Rina's for the first night of Hanukkah, watching as their four-year-old grandson lit the first candle. They went to Joe and Tiffany's for Christmas Eve, eating her traditional cheese lasagna and salad before going off to the local Congregational church to sing carols. On Christmas Day they all went to Nora's for a traditional dinner of prime rib, Yorkshire pudding, and all the trimmings. And after dinner they moved to Joanne and Carl's home for a beautiful table of homemade desserts. And finally on New Year's Eve Rick and Carla gave a party for the families on the court.

It wasn't uncomfortable at all for Nora. The kids came briefly, and then went off to their own parties, where they would remain until morning. And Nora had been with her friends so often without Jeff that nothing seemed different this year at all. They ate a wonderful buffet, drank sparingly as people their age did these days, and played board games and cards. They laughed and gossiped, and everyone avoided the fact that this time next year, there would be strangers living in the Buckley house on Ansley Court. Midnight came. They had turned on the television to watch the ball drop in Times Square in New York. They sang "Auld Lang Syne" off-key, kissed each other, and then they had all gone off home again. New Year's was for kids.

Jill had flown back to North Carolina on the twenty-ninth. She had met a young man at Duke, a teaching associate in the doctoral program, and they planned to spend New Year's Eve together. Nora had driven her daughter to the airport, and while they were waiting for Jill's flight to be called, she had told her daughter of the settlement agreement she would sign on the second of January. "You are not to tell your brother," Nora warned Jill. "I'll tell him before he goes back. He and Maureen are taking the bus back up to State on the first, rather than waiting until the last minute. They both have papers due and the dorms are open on the first."

"It all stinks," Jill said bitterly. "How could he throw you out of the house?"

"Let this be a lesson to you, honey. Get as much as you can in your name before and after you marry. Don't be a trusting little dope like I was," Nora said.

"You weren't a trusting dope, Ma. You were innocent," Jill replied.

"Same thing, honey, where money and property are concerned," Nora laughed.

Her daughter's flight was called. Jill and her mother embraced, and Nora hugged her daughter perhaps a little harder than she usually did.

"What's that for?" Jill demanded, suspicious.

"I just love you," Nora responded, "and I don't know when I'm going to see you again. Can't a mother hug her grown kid?"

"I'll come home whenever you need me," Jill said. "Don't be a martyr, Ma. Call me, okay?" Then she turned and was gone.

"I will!" Nora called after her daughter.

Now New Year's Eve was over, and returning to her house, Nora went upstairs and packed up her son's belongings for his return to college. She had promised him she would do it if he would remain at Lily's house overnight and not try to drive home. "Too many drunks out tonight. Come home by eight, and I'll have breakfast for you before you take off. I'll even do your packing. Stick out all the stuff you want, okay?"

"Ma, you're the greatest!" he'd told her.

Nora smiled, remembering the words. She looked at all the stuff J. J. had put out on his bed, and wondered how it was all going to fit in his two duffels. Then she laughed. Wasn't she the world-champion packer? She was. When she had finished, she considered going to The Channel, but decided against it. If she lay down now, she could grab a nice nap before she had to get up, and fix her son a terrific going-back-to-college breakfast. She set her alarm for seven a.m. That would give her an hour.

J. J. stamped into the house at eight fifteen, looking slightly bleary-eyed. "I'll sleep on the bus ride up," he told her in answer to her raised eyebrow.

"Sit down," she told him, and then began bringing out the food she had prepared.

"Oh, Ma! Wow!" He gazed at the platter of fluffy scrambled eggs with both bacon and his favorite sausage links. "French-bread French toast!" He began filling his plate after grabbing first at the tall glass of cranberry juice and swallowing it half down.

Nora refilled it and sat down to join him. She smiled, pleased as he shoveled the eggs into his mouth, his eyes lighting up.

"You put cheese in them!" he exclaimed.

"You like them that way," she replied, helping herself to a teaspoon of eggs, two sausage links, and a piece of French toast. "There's soft butter and maple syrup for the French toast, J. J. Eat, and then we'll talk. I've got stuff to tell you before you take off."

"What's up?" he asked her.

"Eat first- talk later." She smiled, hoping he'd assume she was going to give him the usual back-to-school speech. When they had finished Nora suggested that they sit in the den where the fire was going.

"Yeah, the house has been a little cold, I've noticed. Have you had the furnace checked, Ma?" he wondered.

"I've had to keep the thermostat at sixty-eight during the day, and sixty-five at night," Nora told her son. "Your father isn't paying for the oil anymore, and I have to watch my pennies. You should have told me you were cold, J. J."

"I just wore more clothes"- he grinned-"but Jill sure bitched. She's gotten used to a North Carolina climate, I'm made of sterner stuff, Ma. Now, what up? You saw my first-semester grades. I've done great, and I promise I'll keep up the good work. Honest! I'm not even going to consider pledging a frat until next year. I know I'm a legacy at Dad's old house, but that's the one I'm not interested in, seeing how Dad turned out."

There was no easy way to do this, Nora thought bleakly. "The divorce settlement has been agreed upon in principle," she began. "I'm signing the papers tomorrow, J. J. Your dad is going to give me alimony for the next five years. Not much, but I'll be job hunting by spring, and so I'll manage. In five years' time I should be able to do without any help from anyone, don't you think?" She smiled at him. "And, honey, we've gotten your dad to pay for your dorm room until you graduate. You'll have to pay for your own meal plan, and if you want to move off of campus, he won't pay, but since you're on the soccer team, and on scholarship, I think you'll want to stay in the dorms."

"The house?" J. J. demanded to know. "He's selling it, isn't he?"

"Yes," Nora admitted. "I just don't have any option there. But Rick got me forty percent of the sales price. There's no mortgage on it, and Rick says I'll probably end up with almost four hundred thousand, honey. It's not bad. Really."

"When do we have to be out?" J. J. asked her.

"The house goes on the market April first," Nora said, "but Rick says I'll probably have at least two months after a sale before it closes, to move. Jill has said she'll come and help me pack, and you'll be here too."

"Where are we going to live?" he said low.

"I don't know yet, honey, but I'll tell you what. When you come home for your spring break, we'll go looking together, okay? It won't matter to Jill. She's hardly home at all anymore. It'll be fun. Just you and me. I know after next summer you'll probably be staying up at State, or going somewhere else for a job or an internship, but you'll always have a room at your ma's place. Wherever it is." She put her arm about him, and gave him a hard hug.

"I hate him!" J. J. said fiercely.

"No, honey, feel sorry for him," Nora told her son. "He's growing old, and he can't face it. It's unlikely Heidi is going to stay with him till death do them part. Your father is going to end up alone one day in spite of everything he has done and everything he has. But we'll always have each other, J. J."

"I'm glad I didn't go to see him while I've been home," J. J. said. "He called and asked Jill and me to go. She went 'cause she thought she might convince him to pay for her other two years at Duke Law. She was really pissed when she got back."

"Because he wouldn't," Nora said softly. "I did try for her too, you know."

"Serves her right," J. J. muttered, "kissing up to Dad and his bitch."

"Honey!" Nora chided her son gently.

"Well, it does," J. J. said angrily. "Why the hell is Dad treating you like this? All you ever did was be exactly what he wanted you to be, and do everything he wanted you to do. I can still remember those parties you used to hostess for Dad's clients and partners when Jill and I were little. They all loved them. They all thought you were great. What happened, Ma? Why doesn't he think you're great anymore?"

"His needs have changed, honey." Nora tried to explain it to her son, although she wasn't certain she really understood it herself. Jeff was having one whale of a midlife crisis. "I don't fit the profile anymore of what he needs, or thinks he needs, now. Heidi does. I'm learning it isn't unusual for men his age to do this. Particularly men in positions of importance or power within their career arenas. Suddenly the wife who provided the backup and support while they were climbing the ladder of success is no longer the wife they want. They want someone young and intelligent because they think it makes them look younger and smarter."

"I'll never be like Dad," J. J. said stonily. "When I marry it's going to be forever."

"I hope it is, honey," Nora told him. "It used to be like that." She stood up. "You had better get your shower. Your bags are all packed. I'm taking you and Maureen to the bus in just an hour."

J. J. arose, and putting his arms about his mother, he hugged her hard, planting a kiss on her cheek. "I'll always love you best, Ma," he said.

"Best of your parents is flattering, honey," she said, "but love the girl you marry one day best of all, and above all other women. That's the way it should be. And if it is that way, then your wife and I will always be friends and never jealous of one another."

Releasing her, he ran off to take his shower, returning forty minutes later smelling of soap, shampoo, and too much aftershave. He was wearing his best worn jeans, a flannel shirt with an Irish sweater over it, and his favorite leather work boots. His hair was wet.

"You can't go out with wet hair," she scolded him. "Use the dryer in my bathroom. You've got time before we have to go."

Grumbling, he returned back upstairs, and when he came down again his hair was dry, and slicked back with some kind of goop he used. "Better?" he demanded to know.

"Better," she said, resigned as she watched him slap his favorite baseball cap, brim backward, on his head. She couldn't convince him that he would ruin his hair with that damned cap on his head all the time. She picked up the car keys from the bowl on the hall table. "Let's ride, Clyde," she said with a small smile.

He picked up his two duffels. "You get everything in here, Ma?" he asked.

"Everything you left out, and some other stuff you forgot," she told him as they walked to the car in the driveway. She popped the trunk, and he tossed his bags inside.

Joe came staggering across the street with Maureen's matching luggage, his daughter followed pulling another suitcase on wheels, and Carla carried a shopping bag that Nora knew had sandwiches, chips, goodies, and juice boxes for the long bus ride. The luggage was all loaded up. Hugs and kisses all around, and Nora got into the car and drove her son and neighbor's daughter to the bus station. Reaching their destination, J. J. and Maureen were out of the car quickly, waving and calling to two other kids they knew, who were obviously returning to State today as well. Then he unloaded the trunk.

"You don't have to wait, Ma," J. J. said. He wasn't embarrassed yet, but he was going to be if she didn't take the hint and go.

How long until she saw him again? Nora wondered, struggling with herself not to cry. "Give me a hug and a kiss, honey," she said, and he did.

"Bye, Ma. I'll call you tonight, okay?"

"Call early," Nora said. "I'm going to bed right away. Tomorrow is going to be a bitch of a day for me. Before eight, okay?"

"Sure," he said, and turning away, he joined his friends as they gathered up all their luggage and began loading it on the waiting bus.

"Bye, Mrs. Buckley," Maureen said, giving her a quick kiss. "Thanks for driving me down here."

"Have a good term, Mo," Nora told the girl. Then she got into the car and drove away. She tucked the car carefully into the garage when she got home. The house was cold when she entered it. She kicked the thermostat up to seventy-two degrees. Screw the cost. It was only for a few hours. It was just a little after 11 a.m. Nora went into the living room. The ornament box was waiting for her. She had pulled it out early this morning. She looked a final time at the tree. It wasn't the biggest she had ever had, but it had been a pretty tree. She removed the many ornaments efficiently, replacing them in their slots in the special box she had bought years ago for just this purpose. When the ornaments were all stowed, she drew off the strands of tiny colored lights, wrapping each strand neatly and placing them in a row on the top shelf of the box. Finished, she closed down the lid of the box. The tree still smelled fragrantly rich with its piney scent.

Nora picked up a telephone handset and called Rick Johnson. "I'm ready now," she said when Carla answered.

"We'll be right over, sweetie," Carla replied. "I'm only half finished."

"I got going early," Nora answered, and hung up the phone.

They were at her house a few minutes later. Together the three of them took the tree from its holder and jostled it out the front door to the curb, where the town would be picking it up on Tuesday next.

"Thanks," Nora told them, turning to go back into her house.

"I'll pick you up at eight a.m. tomorrow," Rick reminded her.

"I'll be ready," Nora said, but she didn't turn to face him.

"Nora, wait a minute," Carla said, catching up with her friend, and walking with her back to her house. "Look, I know tomorrow's going to be a bitch. I have to work, but I'll be home by three thirty, and I'll come over, okay?"

Nora debated a moment, and then said, "Listen, Carla, whatever happens, I don't want you to worry about me, alright? I'll be fine."

"Sure you will," Carla said halfheartedly.

"No, Carla, you don't understand. I'm not going to sign those papers tomorrow. Jeff isn't going to get my house." She put her fingers over Carla's mouth even as her best friend was opening it to speak. "Carla, whatever you see, whatever they tell you, I will be alright. I'm going away. That's why I spoke with Mr. Nicholas all those months ago. I needed to know if I could use The Channel as a refuge, and he said I could. If I don't sign those papers tomorrow, then Jeff is stuck until I do."

"But what good will that really do?" Carla whispered.

"Look, how long do you think Heidi will wait around, especially if because he can't sell the house, he has to get rid of her co-op?"

"But Jeff owns the house," Carla reminded Nora.

"Yes, he does, but I know Jeff far better than Heidi does. How he appears to the public, to his partners, his clients, is far more important to Jeff than anything else."

"Are you trying to break them up so he'll come back to you?" Carla asked, surprised that Nora would even consider such a thing.

Nora shook her head. "I don't want him back," she said, "but yes, if I can break them up, then there is no need to sell the house. At that point, Rick might even be able to convince Jeff to give me the house in exchange for relief of all his other obligations toward me and the kids. Look, Rick says she's been paying the bridge loan. With the way good real estate is going in town, he can sell the co-op for a profit, pay her back, and still come out of it smelling like a rose. He could even have enough to buy himself a small place. Yes, Jill will have to get herself through her last two years of law school, but she'll do it. And I'll have to help J. J. get a student loan so he has a dorm room, but it's possible. I'm taking a gamble, I know, but I just can't let Jeff sell the house!"

"What will happen to you?" Carla asked.

"It will look like I'm unconscious, Mr. Nicholas said," Nora replied.

"And you believe him?" Carla wasn't certain about any of this.

"Yes, I do believe him," Nora said.

"They'll put you in the hospital at first," Carla told her.

"I know."

"How long are you going to stay unconscious?" Carla queried her friend.

"As long as it takes, but knowing that my dear husband has absolutely no patience, I expect a few weeks, a few months at the most," Nora told her companion. "Listen, sweetie, I'm going to be fine. You should see my apartment. It's right out of Architectural Digest. And I've told you about Kyle, and Rolf. Incredible! I have absolutely everything I want there. While I'm going to look like I'm at death's door, I'm going to be having a helluva good time, and the best nonstop sex I've ever known. It's going to be alright, and I already know how this is going to mess up Jeff's life and screw with his mind. I'll bet you the first thing he says is that I did it deliberately."

Carla laughed aloud. "You're right!" she said.

"You can't tell anyone, Carla. Not Rick because he wouldn't believe you, and he'd think you were losing it. Not Rina, Tiff, or Joanne. Give them hope as a nurse, and don't let them be too upset, but you can't tell them what I've done."

"How will you know what's happening in this reality?" Carla asked.

"I don't need to. I know Jeff. And I'll contact you in a few weeks to see how it's all going, okay?"

"How will you contact me?" Carla asked.

"I'm not certain yet, but I think if you want me in your fantasy, I can be there. I'll ask Kyle, and if he doesn't know, Mr. Nicholas's door is always open to me, I'm told. But honestly, I think you just have to put me in your fantasy. I can be a barmaid at one of your island inns, or maybe another female pirate captain you know. You work it out." She gave Carla a hug. "I'm freezing. I've got to go in now."

"Be careful," Carla said. "God, I wish you didn't have to do this!"

"So do I," Nora responded, "but if I don't, by this time tomorrow, I'll have signed my house away and be on my way to a final divorce. I don't give a crap about Jeff, but I'm not letting my house go. Wait a couple of weeks before you contact me unless Jeff cracks sooner, but I don't think he will."

"Okay," Carla said, and then she turned away before she started to cry. She heard the front door of the Buckley house close behind her, and the lock turn with a loud click. Nora's plan scared the hell out of her, but what else could Nora do? Jeff had driven her into a very tight corner. Nora was far braver than she herself was, and Carla would never even have considered that until recently. And what about Jill and J. J.? Nora wouldn't have told them. How could she? Jill, in particular, would have thought her mother crazy. We're all going to have to be there for them, Carla thought to herself.

Nora watched her best friend walking slowing across the street from the bay window of the living room, where the Christmas tree had recently stood. There were needles all over the floor. She got out the vacuum and cleaned them up. Then she took the ornament box back upstairs and stored it in the attic. If she was going away, her house was going to be in perfect condition when they found her unconscious body. She had always had a thing about being in an accident, and strangers coming into her house and finding an unmade bed, or dishes in the sink. It was similar to your mother's warning you to always wear clean underwear.

Back down in the kitchen, she put all the dishes from breakfast in the dishwasher and mopped the counters. There was just enough room for her supper plate. It was after four now, and the sunset was visible through the kitchen windows. Nora sat down, and called Margo to wish her a happy new year.

"What are you doing?" Margo asked her daughter.

"I've just got the tree out, and everything cleaned up," Nora answered.

"Where are the kids?"

"Jill went back a few days ago. She's met someone, and they wanted to spend New Year's Eve together. I got J. J. off on the noon bus."

"Tomorrow's the day, right?" Margo asked.

"Yep," Nora said shortly.

"Come down and stay with me," Margo said. "South Carolina coastal winters are really lovely. The winter jasmine is already starting to bloom. We could house hunt for you. It's really so much cheaper down here. You wouldn't have to give up any of your furniture. Taylor is building a lovely development just a few miles from here. You could customize it to suit you at this stage."

"Thanks, Ma, but I'm not ready to make that kind of a commitment yet," Nora said. Nor ever, she thought silently.

"Look, honey, you really have nothing to do now. Come down," Margo persisted.

"Ma, I've got another semester of classes to take, and then I've got to job hunt. The thousand dollars a month Jeff is going to be doling out to me isn't going to make it. I can't be a lady of leisure like you can," Nora told her mother.

"They still have midwinter breaks, don't they?" Margo said dryly. "I'll send you a ticket. I'll send you two, and J. J. can come with you."

"He's already mentioned something about going skiing with Lily and her family," Nora said.

"Then I'll just send one ticket. Come on, darling, you need a break. The last six months have been horrendous for you. Besides, I miss you. And Taylor does too," Margo coaxed in her best tones.

"Still set on not remarrying?" Nora teased her mother.

"I'm rethinking my priorities," Margo admitted. "Taylor is a lot of fun, and right now he does seem to be pretty maintenance-free. We're going to be cruising in the Bahamas in March on his yacht. Now, say you'll come," Margo pleaded, not being pulled from her determination.

"Okay, I'll come," Nora said. Might as well tell her mother she'd come even if there was little chance she would. It made Margo happy, and Nora wanted to leave her happy. They spoke for another few minutes, and then Nora said, "I want to call Jill, Ma. I'll talk to you in a few days."

Jill sounded sleepy. She was up, but it had obviously been a very late night for her, and Nora heard the voice of a man in the background. She smiled. This was serious. Jill never let anyone stay over, and her roommates hadn't returned yet, so that male voice had to belong to her friend.

"Will you be alright tomorrow, Ma?" Jill sounded genuinely worried.

"Fine," Nora responded. "Your grandmother has me coming down in midwinter break to South Carolina. She wants me to look at places to live. Taylor is building a new development. I told her I'd come, but no new house."

"Ma, it wouldn't be a bad idea. The Carolinas are so much cheaper, even now. And I'm here."

"Your brother isn't, and J. J. needs his mother for a while longer," Nora said. "He has to go to State. I can't afford to send him anywhere else. Thank God he got the scholarship for soccer."

"Okay, but you should think about it," Jill pressed.

They spoke for a few more minutes, and then no sooner had she hung up than the phone rang. It was J. J. They were back. The dorm was warmer than the house. The trip was fine, and he'd call tomorrow after she got back from town.

"You don't have to, honey," she said. "I'm going to be fine. I'm resigned to this now. Not happy, but resigned."

"If you need me, Ma, at any time, I'll come home," he told her.

"You damned well better stay in school, J. J.," she scolded. "I love you, honey, but no way will I ever need to lean on you."

"Okay, Ma, I get it. I am woman, hear me roar," he kidded.

"You got it, boyo!"

"I gotta run," he said.

"Got a life now, do you?" she teased back. "Okay, honey, bye, now."

"Bye, Ma. I love you!" And then he was gone.

It was done. She had said her good-byes for now to everyone she loved. She fixed herself supper, consisting of cold ham and macaroni and cheese. Her mother always said eating pork on the new year brought luck. I'm going to need luck, Nora considered. She got up, put her dishes in the dishwasher, turned it on, and put food in the cats' bowls, filling their water dish and crunchies container. She had called Suburban Cable while J. J. had been in the shower this morning. Now it was her turn to shower. She went upstairs, bathed, and washed her hair, drying it with the dryer her son had left on her sink counter this morning. She got into the clean new flannel nightgown that Jill had given her for Christmas. It was soft pink, and had lace at the wrists and a small ruffle at the neck. She slipped her feet into the new pink suede slippers lined with lamb's wool that J. J. had given her. After brushing her hair, she drew it back and fastened it neatly with an elastic band. She headed downstairs and fixed herself a cup of tea, put the last of Carla's Christmas cookies on a china plate, and carried them into the den. She had lost a lot of weight during the last six months, but Carla's cookies had always been irresistible, and it was the end of the holidays, Nora reasoned. She turned on Jeopardy! and got a lot of the answers right. Next came Wheel of Fortune but she was never any good at solving the puzzles until it became so obvious the village idiot could figure it out. She tipped the teacup over into the saucer, and regretfully left the last cookie on the plate. It made a nice effect. The clock on the fireplace mantel struck eight o'clock.

For a moment Nora debated one last time if she was doing the right thing. What if Mr. Nicholas had lied, and she couldn't get back? Then she decided that if Jeff was going to get the house, the reality of The Channel was a far better world for her than the one she was now in. Reaching out, Nora pressed her palm against the television screen, feeling the now-familiar pop within her body. She was there, and she meant to stay until she could force Jeff to give up his selfish quest for the house.

"Honey," she said, calling out for Kyle, "I'm home!"