Ruined

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Jax

I tensed as Azirak raged like never before. The demon kept showing that single phrase, You and me, man? We’re the key to it all. Over and over like a skipping CD. I had no fucking clue what it was supposed to mean.

Next came the images of that blood-soaked, barren field in his visions. Two impossibly tall figures faced off under a burning gray sky. The demon was annoyed, but I didn’t understand what it was trying to get across. A message. A clue. Something I needed to know. I felt its frustration humming through every inch of my body.

“You’ve known Sammy almost your whole life, Chase. You don’t want to hurt her. You’d rather hurt me, right?” Another step. We were a foot apart now. Possibly two.

Chase jerked Sam close, then ran a finger down the side of her face. Azirak went wild. “Hurting her hurts you, and that’s my lot in life. I don’t like it, but it is what it is.” He licked his finger and sighed, then ran his tongue along the line of her jaw. “Besides, she tastes amazing. Can’t argue that, can ya?”

Azirak roared, and all my muscles convulsed as the demon fought for control. I had to maintain control. It was enraged and there was always a chance it wouldn’t show restraint. With Sam linked to my brother, if he went down, so did she.

“I walked away from her, remember? She’s a fun distraction while I’m in town, but that’s about it.”

“Your stink is all over her, Jax. Nice try.” He grabbed a handful of Sam’s hair and tilted her head. A small noise escaped her lips and a rush of gray bled into the air. “Then again, so is mine. Just between us brothers, you fed from her too, right? Just a little? Good stuff, no?”

My jaw tightened. The demon pushed harder.

Chase laughed. “Go ahead. I know you want to take me out. Give it your best shot. But keep in mind it won’t end well for her.”

Jax held his breath and stood his ground. Poker face. This had to go down smooth. “So?”

Chase was silent. He smiled and stepped to the table where the pen sat. Grabbing it, he positioned the point at the hollow of Sam’s throat. “You can’t bluff me, Jax. We both know you can’t touch me without touching her—and there’s no way you’re willing to do that. You don’t have the balls to make that kind of sacrifice.”

Chase winked and, before I could blink, he pulled the pen away from Sam’s throat and jammed it into his forearm. She gasped and shuddered as blood began to drip from her own arm—not his. “Oh my God,” she breathed, clutching her bleeding limb close.

“I think I made my point,” he said with a grin. He threw the pen at my feet and started to back away, dragging Sam with him. “And I think it’s time to finally end this thing.”

The intention was to lunge forward and somehow get Sam away from my brother, but like a baseball bat to the gut, the breath left my lungs and in an instant staying upright became impossible. Thankfully, I wasn’t the only one. Beside Sam, Chase also dropped to the ground.

“Sam,” Heckle’s voice boomed from the doorway. His eyes were closed while his hands made odd gestures. Air traffic control or magic. I didn’t know, and didn’t care—as long as it gave Sam a chance to run. “Come over here. Bring Jax with you.”

Small arms slid beneath mine and lifted. I tried to help her, but the energy had left my body. It took several tries, but Sam finally managed to drag me to the door.

Chase, still crumpled on the floor by the couch, lifted his head to glare at Heckle. “You can’t kill me. It’s against the rules.”

“But I don’t have to let you kill them, either.”

Chase chuckled. “You think that’s going to change the outcome of this? I’ll just get the fucker tomorrow.”

Heckle shrugged. “Maybe. But you won’t get him tonight.”

“We need answers.” We were back at the Inferno, Heckle’s bar. I felt better, but had yet to get a straight answer as to what the fuck happened at the house. “What the hell was that whammy you hit us with?”

“Just a little something I picked up along the way.”

“Magic?” Sam asked. Her eyes were wide.

Heckle laughed. “I suppose by the human definition, you might consider it that.”

Sam rested her injured arm against the bar. Heckle had cleaned and dressed the wound, but from the way she kept wincing, I knew she was in pain. “What about breaking the link? Did you find an alternative?”

“Other than what we already know? Nope,” Heckle said. He put a glass down in front of himself, and then another in front of me. Leaning across the counter, he winked. “Sorry. None for you, girly.”

Sam slammed her fist against the bar. “There has to be something we can do.”

“The only way that link is coming off is if you bite the big one or the demon chooses to let you go. Something tells me that ain’t happening. Put your head tween your legs and kiss your ass good-bye.” He paused, frowning, poured two shots of vodka. “Or at least, until Azirak’s clan comes for you. There’s that, too.”

“What about that thing you were looking into? A way to dampen the effects? Will distance help? Or wearing some kind of…talisman?”

Heckle blinked twice, then fell into a fit of hysterical laughter. He grabbed the bar, chortling and stomping his foot so hard that the glasses on the shelf behind the bar started to rattle. “Talisman? What do you think this is? The movies?”

Sam’s eyes narrowed and her small hands curled into tight fists. She reached across the counter, taking the bartender by surprise, and grabbed a handful of his shirt. Holy fuck, it was hot. With a hard yank forward, she said, “You can do better than that. Give us something useful or else.”

Heckle’s eyes widened—and he started laughing again. The guy was going to piss himself if he wasn’t careful. “Or else what? You gonna pull my hair or something, girly?”

Sam’s expression bounced from frustrated to furious before settling on vindicated. She let go of his shirt and grabbed my arm, tugging him close. I nearly fell off the damn stool. “Or else he’ll eat you.”

“Sammy, demons don’t really eat other demons. Don’t eat people either.”

“Oh. Well…”

I grinned. Rick once said I looked 100 percent hell-spawned when I did it. I’d worked hard to perfect it, too. “But we do love to inflict pain. My demon thinks you look like a screamer. Are you a screamer, Heckle?”

Heckle hesitated. He was holding back. It was evident in the slumping posture and fidgeting fingers. “There might be something… But, and I know this sounds callous and I apologize, I wouldn’t do it.”

“She’ll die,” I snapped.

“Azirak’s clan won’t like it.”

“If Chase doesn’t kill her, the other demons will—not that anyone has told me why. You’re all acting like I’m their demon Dalai-fucking-Lama.”

“You are,” Heckle said with a frown. “These demons are at war. Right now, the playing field is neutral. Neither side has an advantage over the other—it must stay that way at all costs.”

Jax felt suddenly cold. “Why?”

But Heckle didn’t answer. He poured himself a shot, downed it, and disappeared into the back.

Since I wasn’t willing to risk Chase coming back to Kelly’s, we went to a motel. The room smelled like mothballs, and the carpet was mustard yellow, but it was small and out of the way. Sam would be safe here for a while.

I couldn’t keep her awake forever. Eventually she’d fall asleep and Chase would be waiting, if for no other reason than to make a point—he was stronger. I couldn’t keep handcuffing her, either. First off, the scenario was too fucking tempting. A repeat of the earlier infraction wouldn’t help the situation. Chase had the keys.

Why did the thought of killing my brother turn my stomach? It’s what Azirak had wanted since I was old enough to understand the thing living inside me. Maybe if I did what the demon had craved, I’d have peace. Unfortunately, in order for Sam to live, we all had to live.

“Talk to me,” she whispered. Sam sat on the bed across from me, legs tucked underneath her and face grim. She’d been quiet since we’d arrived, sitting pensive and watching me stalk the room. She was scared—the demon writhed to taste her fear—but she was also worried.

About me.

“I’ll fix this.” I had no idea how, but I needed her to know I was on it. That I wouldn’t just let her die. That’s why I’d stayed, right? To make sure she was safe? Bang-up fucking job I was doing. Spectacular.

“No,” she said, stretching her legs and sliding from the bed. She crossed the room slowly, eyes never leaving mine. Damn me to hell if it didn’t get my heart cranking. I wished she wouldn’t look at me like that. With those hooded eyes and kiss-me lips. Hadn’t she figured out what that did to my concentration? “We’ll fix this. Technically this is my problem, Jax. Not yours.”

“Bullshit,” I snapped. At the outburst, Azirak stirred, excited. “Chase is my brother. That makes this mine to deal with.”

A sad smile slipped across her face. “Didn’t you once tell me it was us against the world?”

So beautiful. So fierce. So extraordinary. Fate was a cruel bitch with serious PMS. Why else would it let someone like Sam drift into my orbit? I’d never seen it as a child, knowing only that we were two kindred souls. But when I got older and saw myself for the monster I truly was, I never understood how she missed it. The darkness that was so evident to me seemed to slip past her unnoticed.

“We were twelve when I said that, Sammy. Obviously things changed.”

“Why did they change?”

I blinked. Sleep deprivation had set in. What the hell kind of question was that? “They changed because even though I don’t go out and slaughter innocent women, I’m no different from my brother. I’m a monster. Same as him.”

She scowled, slapping a hand against the bed. “You’re nothing like him. I’ve had years with you, seeing. At my parents’ funeral it was you who held that umbrella over my head, not Chase. When I was ten, it was you who spent your entire summer helping Mrs. Fellows paint her house when she broke both legs.”

I tried to protest, but she held up her hand. On a roll. No stopping her now.

“Yeah. I know it was you. I also know you were the one who sat up with Cora Michaels senior year after her brother committed suicide. It was you who shelled out the money to help save Old Man Harper’s dog after it got hit by that car. You sent flowers to Ginny Finley for six weeks straight after her boyfriend dumped her for being too fat.” She stepped closer. Our faces were so close. Everything about her—from the sweet scent of her shampoo to the way the breath moved through her body—was like an electric current running through the room making every inch of me feel alive. “It was you who saved me the night I was attacked on campus.”

Everything spun. How did she know about any of it? Shit. What should I do? Lie. I had to lie. “No. You’re wrong.”

But it was pointless. She knew everything. I could deny it until judgment day, and it wouldn’t matter. It’s why the darkness in me never bothered her. She’d known it was there all along. Only in addition to the darkness I saw, she must see something else. Something bright.

Something good.

She shrugged. I hated myself for noticing how the material of her shirt shifted, pulling tight across her chest. Or how her hair fluttered, framing her face and neck in soft caramel waves. Every minute detail was like a flashing neon warning sign to back the fuck away. I didn’t, though. Couldn’t. She was a magnet and I was a slave to her pull.

“Doesn’t matter that you won’t admit it,” she continued. “The truth is, you’re a good man, Jax Flynn. You’re a good man—not a demon—and I love you. I’ve always loved you.” Warmth enveloped me as she placed her hand on the side of my face. “Always been in love with you.”

Parts of me were horrified to hear the words, while others had longed for them for so long. Inside Azirak shuddered, both happy and starving at the same time. Its hunger spiked, but it fought the urge to feed, flashing watery images of Sam’s face through my head.

She smiled. “I know you really believe we can’t be together, and you don’t want to admit how you feel about me, but that doesn’t matter. I know how I feel. And right now, that’s enough for me.”

I was so much taller than Sam. Six foot five to her five foot four. She rose onto her toes, pulling my head down the rest of the way, and brushed her lips to mine. The touch was soft. Warm. Electric. Not at all like the kiss at the club, or the one in her apartment. This was different. Needy, yeah, but so much more than that. It was full of the one thing I didn’t deserve. That I’d never deserve.

Love.

The emotion overwhelmed me, at first in a good way. Sam loved me despite who I was. What I was. It was amazing. And terrifying. And excruciatingly painful. In my head, Azirak writhed and squirmed, unable to hold back any longer. It flashed images of red and black. Of dead things and pain. I pulled back and pushed Sam toward the bed. She stumbled, thankfully landing on the edge of the hard hotel mattress instead of the floor.

“Stay the fuck away from me,” I cursed. I couldn’t have her so close. Not with all the dark, horrible things swimming around in my head. Backing toward the door, I closed my eyes and held my breath. Every part of me was on fire, limbs shaking and ready to snap. I had to get out of that room. Away from her. Into the fresh air. “I have to—”

A shudder. Then, a flash of light and sharp pain. I felt the shift but couldn’t do a thing to stop it.

“Jax,” I heard Sam say. She was standing in front of me, but when I tried to reach for her, my limbs wouldn’t obey.

Neither would my lips.

“Samantha Merrick,” my voice said, my own mouth betraying me. “I must feed.”

Sam slid off the bed and took a step toward closer. A tuft of gray rose from her shoulders, but with the demon in control, it looked different. The color was sharper and the smell… The smell was nearly as enticing as the sway of her hips and the way her shirt pulled to the left as she bent forward. I wanted to yank her close, but at the same time push her away.

“Feed from me,” she said, grabbing my hand.

I opened my mouth to yell, but of course no sound came. Still, I could feel it all. The warmth of her skin. The erratic drum of her heart. And fuck me, but it felt good. There was no ache. Just the blissful feel of skin against skin.

My body reacted to her nearness, every inch of me coming alive and humming in anticipation. Even though I wasn’t in control, I felt every euphoric, frustrating moment. Felt it in 3-D, even. Every sensation was amped with the demon in the driver’s seat.

“I propose a trade,” she said, this time bolder. “Feed from me in exchange for information.”

Azirak was intrigued. “What kind of information do you seek?”

“This war—I need to know more about it.”

The demon tensed, and I was horrified, worried it might lash out at Sam. But it didn’t. Instead, it said, “And how will you feed me? Will you truly be able to work up enough fear of this form to satisfy my hunger?”

She thought about it for a moment before shaking her head. “I’m not sure. Probably not. But Jax said something. That when we were…close…it drove you crazy. You wanted to feed.”

“You speak of lust?”

“I guess so.”

No!

“And you can feel that way? Knowing it’s me you cavort with and not him?” I was hard.

Sam smiled. It was an odd kind of grin that made me feel at ease somehow. “I want him. I guess I’ve always wanted him. And he’s in there. Even though it’s you I’m talking to, I can see the spark in his eyes. He’s not gone. If this is the only way I can have him, and it tells us what we need to know, then so be it. But make no mistake, it’s him. It’s always him.”

Azirak paused, considering her offer. I pushed to regain control, but it was pointless. I’d waited too long to feed the demon, and it wasn’t going back in its box until it had its fill. Of her. “His feelings for you are intoxicating. I will admit you are sweet. A delicacy I could savor. I would be curious to taste you. To try to understand the allure you hold for him. And for me.”

“Please,” she begged, and I knew then if it was me in control, I would have caved at that very moment. The curve of her lip and delicate slope of her neck… The sound of her voice was like a beacon, and I wasn’t the only one who felt that way. The spike of desire I felt was twofold. I’d give anything to be with her, but Azirak would, too.

The demon stepped close to Sam, running my hand across her cheek. She shuddered, looking into my eyes. Me. She was looking for me. “What do you wish to know?”

“His brother told us one side needed to spill the blood of the other to be free.”

Please don’t do this…

“And Heckle said we couldn’t let it happen under any circumstances.”

My agony echoed into dead space. If Azirak heard, it was choosing to ignore it. The thought of it alone was enough to kill me. The idea of her with the demon. My hands running over her body under the monster’s control. Hands that had spilled so much blood taking what I could never have…

“I want to know,” Sam said, squaring her shoulders. “What happens if blood is spilled?”

“We are trapped,” Azirak replied. It laid my hands on either side of Sam’s neck. The quickened throbbing of her pulse was like a jackhammer beneath my touch. Azirak shivered internally, and after a moment, ran my hands downward. Over her shoulders, over both arms, finally letting them rest on either side of her hips. “The army of one thousand—five hundred of mine. Five hundred of his. Zenak’s. Demons. Forced to live in human bodies. We are little more than dogs on leashes. What you humans refer to as neutered.”

The demon stepped back and sat in the chair across from the bed.

“Eons ago, there was a great war. A century of battle that soaked our land with the blood of soldiers. Lucifer, having had enough of our games, banished the demons from hell. Zenak and I were punished more harshly. The instigators of it all, we were trapped in limbo. Not here. Not there. And then the Tainted came along. Born with a blemish on their soul, it created an opening. A doorway that we might pass through. It was a way for us to walk in the mortal realm as our brothers did.”

“The other demons, you mean?”

It nodded. In an instant, it had my shirt over my head and on the floor at our feet. “As with most things in nature, there was a loophole to our punishment. An opportunity to gain back the power and standing that we’d lost. To be truly free again.” The demon sighed. It was watching Sam hungrily. “Come here,” it commanded.

She hesitated, but stood and crossed the room, stopping in front of the chair.

Azirak studied the planes of her face and the way the lines of her shirt hugged her curves. It listened to the sound of her breath, moving through her lungs at a slightly elevated pace and matching the beat of her heart. I felt the demon’s desire. It was like standing in the middle of an inferno, burning with no hope of rescue. The thing wanted Sam. Images flashed before my eyes. Sam, naked and writhing beneath it on the floor. Calling out its name and begging for more.

“You asked what would happen if blood was spilled. You must first know that it isn’t just any blood. It must be royal blood. If that blood is spilled, then hell will happen upon this earth,” it said.

“What—”

“Enough,” it snapped. “Touch me.” Grabbing her hand, it held it up to my bare chest.

Sam’s stayed like that for a moment, before pressing down harder and scraping her nails downward.

Azirak threw back my head and let out a moan. So did I. There had never been anything like it. The pleasure. The pain. She wasn’t gentle. The scratches left deep red trails, one even breaking the skin. A thousand razor-sharp needles mixed with alluring scent. Sam. Lust. It was the most erotic fucking thing ever.

When she came to the waist of my jeans, she undid the button and yanked down the zipper. Hard. Blood thundered in my ears. I didn’t know how the demon was doing it. Staying so still. I’d have attacked her by now. Thrown her down and torn off every scrap of clothing on her body. Not Azirak. It retained control, standing statue-still as Sam slipped her hand into my jeans.

She cupped me, working her hand and squeezing lightly. Azirak gasped, and when Sam’s fingers moved to the waistband of my underwear, fingers slipping inside, the atmosphere in the room changed. It darkened. Something shattered, and a floodgate opened. In that moment, all I wanted was to take her. Any way I could. Every way I could.

The demon lifted her off the ground and charged the bed, pinning her beneath my body. Its mouth was on hers, ravaging, while my fingers tugged—no, pulled—at her hair. It ground itself against her, and the noises she made, soft moans and surprised whimpers, drove us both close to the edge.

“I understand now,” it whispered, pulling back, hoarse and short of breath. “The allure you hold for him. He wants you. As do I.”

Sam sat up, her breath ragged, the expression on her face sad. “I want him, too. But only him.”

Just when I thought it would tear her jeans off and finally in the most fucked-up way possible give me what I’d waited so long for, Azirak was off the bed and across the room. A new feeling filled me, coming from the demon and bleeding into the room. Blue. Sadness. The rejection it felt was stifling, choking out the air, and I couldn’t breathe. When the reality of it hit me, I was stunned. I loved Sam. I’d loved her my entire life. But now, I wasn’t the only one. Azirak loved her, too. I didn’t know when it happened, or how, but I knew it just as I knew my own name. Azirak was in love with Sam. It wouldn’t feed from her.

It bent to retrieve my shirt from the floor. “I am sorry. There is no him. There is no me. There is only us. You will both need to accept this.”

My feet, still under the demon’s command, carried us from the room and onto the street.