Sempre: Redemption

32

Gavin became a regular fixture outside the art building on the west side of Manhattan. It was rare that he wasn’t standing there when Haven got out of her painting class, casually leaning against the wall as if there were nowhere else he needed to be.

Haven spoke to him on the days she saw him, and he would occasionally walk with her to the library on his way to the construction site a few blocks away, but he didn’t push his luck by asking for anything more.

It was comfortable and easy, and she grew used to their strange arrangement after a while, enjoying their short conversations before they went their separate ways. It wasn’t much, but it was something. It was a connection, a blossoming friendship she found herself looking forward to those three days a week he infiltrated her life.

Haven smiled to herself one Friday afternoon when they were strolling down the sidewalk, the crowd moving briskly around them, but they were in no hurry to get anywhere. Gavin filled the time by telling a joke he had heard at work, a vulgar one Haven didn’t quite understand, but she laughed at what she figured were all the right places. “You know, you kind of remind me of someone I used to know.”

“Really?” he asked, raising his eyebrows. “A boyfriend, maybe?”

“No, not at all. He was just a friend. He liked to tell jokes.”

Gavin’s expression fell. “Am I being friend-zoned already?”

Haven looked at him. “I don’t know what that means.”

He waved her off. “This friend of yours . . . was he anywhere near as handsome as me?”

She laughed. “Not quite, but few are.”

“Shit, is that a compliment?” He stopped walking, dramatically blinking his eyes. “Are you flirting with me?”

Haven rolled her eyes and refused to respond, continuing to walk. He had no choice but to move again to catch up with her.

“Seriously, was that a compliment?” he asked. “I can’t tell when you’re being sarcastic.”

“I’m never sarcastic.”

“Oh.” He paused. “Wait, was that sarcasm?”

Haven shook her head. “It was a compliment. I meant it.”

“Wow, I’m shocked,” he replied, grinning widely. “I honestly thought you were still entertaining the idea of a restraining order. Good to know I’ve worn you down enough that you like me a little bit.”

She laughed. “I never said I liked you. I just said you were handsome. That says nothing about your personality.”

“Now I know that was sarcasm,” he declared.

“I wouldn’t be so sure.”

He clutched his chest. “I’m hurt.”

Haven nudged him playfully with her elbow. “You’ll get over it.”

A sheet of notebook paper was taped to the glass of the locked art studio door that Friday, class cancelled scribbled on it with pencil. No explanation—just no class.

“Awesome!” Kelsey dramatically fist pumped in celebration. “No class!”

Haven frowned. She always looked forward to painting. “Wonder why?”

“Who cares?” Kelsey asked. “I have extra time to hit the computer lab and work on my design project now. Maybe I won’t be stuck in the house all weekend after all.”

“I guess that means I have time to . . .” Haven trailed off, unable to think of something to do. “go to the library.”

Kelsey laughed. “You spend more time there than at home.”

Haven shrugged. It was probably true.

After saying their good-byes, Kelsey headed to the lab the next floor up while Haven left the building. She strolled down the street, in no rush to get anywhere, and made the walk toward the library. Her mind wandered as she fell in with the bustling crowd, and before she realized it, she had already passed her destination. She looked around in confusion, catching sight of the closest street sign: Sixth Avenue.

A substantial construction site stood near the corner across the street, spanning about an acre and surrounded by tall buildings. The frame of a structure was built, metal beams stuck together like an elaborate maze. Dirty and chaotic, it looked a lot like she imagined a construction site would look.

Curious, Haven’s feet carried her across the street for a closer look. Most of the workers were busy, operating equipment or scaling the structure, but a few guys in yellow hard hats stood around, chatting. One or two looked her way, someone even letting out a low whistle, but she ignored it as she walked through the lot. A trailer sat along the side, the low hum of an air conditioner buzzing from it. Something told her if Gavin was at the site, that was where he would be.

Haven felt out of place, her eyes locking on the ground as she headed straight for the trailer. She had come that far and figured it would be silly to leave without at least saying hello.

A thick man in scruffy jeans and a black tank top leaned against the corner of the trailer, tossing rocks at something in a nearby patch of dirt. Haven chanced a peek at him, her footsteps faltering when she heard a small squeal. Her eyes darted to the source of the sound, seeing a small white kitten. It could hardly walk, its fur matted with a bit of blood.

It squealed again as the man threw a rock at it, smacking it in the side.

“Stop that!” Haven said, the words flying from her mouth in horror. “Why are you doing that?”

The man looked at her with dark bloodshot eyes, no flicker of acknowledgment on his face. He turned away and grabbed another rock, striking the kitten again. It stumbled from the blow.

Haven’s eyes burned with tears. “Don’t do that anymore!”

“Mind your own business, sweetheart,” the man grumbled. “Go on back to wherever you came from. You don’t belong here.”

He grabbed another rock, but Haven wasn’t having it. She lunged for the cat, grabbing it as he threw the rock, smacking her with it instead. It stung as it struck her ankle, but she barely winced as she shielded the cat in her arms.

“What the hell are you doing?” the man spat, pushing away from the trailer. He took two steps toward her, his big stride closing the distance between them. Haven instinctively took a step away from the man.

Before she could say anything—or rather, run—the door of the trailer opened and laughter cut through the air. Two guys stepped out, one an old bald man in a black suit with a walking cane. He tipped his head in greeting to the other before heading to a waiting town car. The second man Haven recognized immediately, wearing freshly pressed khakis and a blue button-down shirt: Gavin.

He turned to them after the older man was gone, the smirk on his lips disappearing when he spotted Haven. His brow creased, his eyes darting between her and the worker. “What’s going on here?”

“I’m wondering the same thing!” the man exclaimed. “I’m over here taking my afternoon break, you know, just hanging out, and this broad walks up and starts telling me what to do! Can you believe it?”

Gavin’s expression darkened, his blue eyes clouding to a furious gray. Haven’s heartbeat quickened, the cat meowing as she instinctively gripped it tighter.

The Gavin she knew was friendly, playful. She had never seen him angry before.

“Get back to work,” he barked at the man.

“But—”

“But nothing. Go. Now.”

The man hesitated for a fraction of a second before storming away. Gavin took a few brusque steps toward Haven, eliciting a small retreat from her, but he wasn’t deterred in his approach. “What happened?”

“I, uh . . . the kitten was hurt, and he was throwing rocks at it, and I told him not to but he wouldn’t stop, and the kitten yelped, so I couldn’t just stand there. I had to help! He got mad, then you came out, and he told you what happened, and uh . . .”

“And here we are?” he guessed.

Haven nodded, avoiding his eyes. He reached toward her and she flinched, but he seemed not to notice as he grabbed the cat, taking it from her.

“It looks pretty messed up,” he said, checking it out. “There’s a shelter a few blocks over. I can drop it off there.”

“And they’ll fix her?” she asked.

“Maybe,” he replied. “And it’s a him.”

“Oh.” Her brow furrowed. “What do you mean maybe?”

“I mean they’ll either fix it up or put it to sleep.”

Haven recoiled as if he had struck her. “Why would they do that?”

“The city’s overrun with stray animals, so I’m sure the shelter gets more than it can keep. Might not be worth saving.”

Horrified, Haven ripped the kitten from his hands, taking it back. “They can’t just kill it! That’s not fair! It did nothing wrong!”

Gavin let out a sudden laugh of surprise as he held up his hands defensively. “Geez, all right, relax. There are other options.”

“Like?”

“Like you can let it go and hope it can fend for itself.”

Out of the question. “Or?”

“Or you can take it to the vet.”

She glanced at the cat before looking back at him. “Do you know a good vet?”

“I might know of a place,” he replied, eyeing her curiously. “Why are you here, anyway? I mean, don’t get me wrong—it’s a pleasant surprise, but still a surprise. I was actually about to head your way.”

“My class got cancelled,” she replied. “I was going to the library and kind of just ended up here instead.”

Gavin stared at her with disbelief. “You just ended up here?”

“Yes. And since I was here I thought I would say hey, so . . . hey.”

A smug smile formed on his lips. “You must’ve missed me.”

“Why would you think that?”

“Because you didn’t see me yesterday and you wouldn’t see me today if you didn’t have class. It’s the weekend, so that means you’d have to wait until Monday to see me again. That’s a long time.”

She rolled her eyes at his cocky tone. “It was nothing like that.”

“Admit it,” he said. “You missed me.”

“No.”

“You like me.”

“No.”

“Not at all?”

“Well, maybe just a little,” she admitted.

“I’ll take it,” he said. “It’s better than nothing.”

“But just as a friend,” she clarified. “Not more.”

Gavin shook his head as he took a step away. “Stay here and I’ll get the address for the vet.”

He disappeared back into the trailer as Haven strolled farther away, petting the kitten. It stared up at her, bright blue eyes alive with excitement, mismatched from its dull and lifeless exterior.

“Snowy,” she whispered, the word popping in her mind. “I’ll call you Snowy.”

Gavin came back out, pausing on the steps of the trailer as he hollered for someone. The firmness was back in his voice, the hard edge once again etched in his expression. The man from earlier jogged over, and Haven watched as Gavin said something to him. He spoke too quietly for her to hear but the man’s head dropped low, his shoulders slumping in defeat. He gave a slight nod before turning, and Haven tensed as he approached her.

“I’m sorry, ma’am,” he muttered, refusing to meet her eyes. “I hope you can accept my apology. I ain’t mean to hurt the cat or anything. I was just messing around. Send me the vet bills. Mr. Amaro can take it out of my pay.”

Haven stammered with surprise, only able to get out an “okay.”

Gavin walked over when the man scurried back to work. He handed her a scrap of paper with an address and phone number scribbled on it.

“Thanks,” she replied. “What did you say to make him apologize?”

“I just told him who you were.”

She tensed at those words. “Who am I?”

Gavin’s eyes met hers. He stared for a moment before answering, his eyebrows raised as if that question surprised him. “A friend of mine, of course.”

“Oh.”

“Anyway, you want me to go with you?” he asked. “It’s not far, just about a block back the way you came. We can walk.”

She glanced at the address on the paper. “I don’t want you to have to leave work.”

“It’s fine,” he said. “I was about to leave anyway.”

A few hours later, the two of them sat in flimsy blue plastic chairs in the busy waiting room of a walk-in emergency animal clinic. Haven fidgeted anxiously, her backside starting to hurt from the hard seat.

A nurse eventually called Haven’s name and she jumped up, not bothering to wait for Gavin as she made her way to the back.

“The kitten’s going to be fine,” the lady said. “We’ve cleaned him up and dressed the wound—just a small gash that should heal right up. He had a horrible case of fleas that we’ve taken care of, but there was nothing majorly wrong. You can take him home now.”

Smiling with relief, Haven signed the heap of paperwork before taking the cat and rejoining Gavin. They left the clinic, the animal fast asleep in Haven’s arms as they headed back out into the street. The sun had started to set, most of the day having faded away.

“So what are you going to do with the cat?” Gavin asked. “Keep it?”

She frowned. “I don’t think I’m allowed to have pets.”

“You can try to find it a home,” Gavin suggested. “Put out an ad.”

“But what if someone bad responds, like that guy you work with?”

Gavin sighed. “I don’t know. I’m out of ideas short of me taking it home.”

Haven’s expression lit up. “Would you really?”

He blanched. “What?”

“Would you keep him?” she asked. “I know you’ll be nice to him.”

Gavin stammered, opening and closing his mouth a few times, before shrugging and letting out a deep sigh. “Fuck it, why not?”

Haven smiled, holding the kitten up and waving its paw at Gavin. “Snowy thanks you.”

The clinic was near her art building, the students all gone for the weekend when they strolled past. “So it’s kind of a long walk from the construction site to my school,” Haven mused. “What in the world do you do up here all the time?”

“It’s not that long of a walk,” he said. “Ten, fifteen minutes at the most. I came up here that first day to hit up a deli nearby.”

“And what about every other day?”

He shrugged. “I come for the company.”

Despite herself, Haven blushed at that.

They chatted casually as they walked—about the cat, about school, even about the weather. It took nearly a half hour for them to reach Haven’s neighborhood, although she usually made the walk in half that time.

“I’m sorry that took so long,” Haven said, stopping in front of her brownstone when they arrived.

“I didn’t mind,” he replied, shrugging. “Didn’t have much else to do.”

“What about work? Didn’t they expect you back?”

“I make my own hours, so it isn’t a big deal. I come and go as I please.”

She gazed at him curiously. He genuinely sounded like he didn’t mind. “You know, you’re really nice. Not many people would’ve done what you did.”

“Did it make you like me just a little more?”

She laughed. “Maybe.”

“I can tell,” he said, smirking. “You actually let me walk you home.”

Haven stared at him with surprise. It hadn’t struck her until that moment. As many times as she had refused, she finally let him walk her home without him even having to ask.

Before Haven could respond, the front door of the brownstone flung open and Kelsey appeared, talking loudly into her cell phone. She looked at the two of them, her expression lighting up with surprise, before her attention went back to her call. Her gaze darted past them, scanning the street, before she started frantically waving. “You see me? Yeah, there. Find a parking spot.”

She hung up and squealed. “Hey, guys! What are you up to?”

Haven held the cat up. “I found this, so Gavin went with me to the vet.”

“Then I walked her home.” Arrogance oozed from his voice. Haven rolled her eyes at him as Kelsey cooed and petted the tiny animal. “I was just leaving, though.”

Kelsey’s attention switched from the cat to Gavin instantly. “Leaving? No way! I have some friends over . . . we were going to have a few drinks and hang out. You should totally join us. Both of you.”

Haven shook her head, but Gavin’s smug smile grew infinitely. “Really?”

“Yes, really,” Kelsey said. “It’ll be fun.”

Kelsey’s friends appeared then, a few Haven vaguely recognized, but none she really knew. They were sociable, while Haven preferred to keep to herself. They disappeared inside, gathering in the second floor apartment.

Raising his eyebrows, Gavin stared at her questioningly, awaiting a reaction. “Are you going to invite me inside?”

She shrugged slowly. “Kelsey already invited you.”

“But I didn’t come here for Kelsey, so I’m not going in unless you invite me.”

Haven considered that, unsure of how to respond. It had been a long day and she really wanted to take a bath and maybe read a book, but when the music started upstairs, so loud it rattled the windows, Haven knew she wouldn’t be getting any peace anyway.

“Fine.” Go with the flow, she told herself. Live a little. “Let’s go upstairs.”

“What kind of invitation is that?”

“The only kind you’re getting.”

Gavin laughed, holding open the front door politely and pressing his hand gently against her back. Bypassing her apartment, she headed up the stairs, acutely aware of Gavin’s eyes on her as he walked behind her. It made her skin prickle as her stomach churned from nerves.

Kelsey’s apartment, identical to the one below it when stripped down to its core, looked like an entirely different world. Everything was brand-new and bright, expensive furniture filling every room while elaborate artwork hung on the walls. Haven gingerly took a seat in the first spot she came across, a tan leather chair with wide, plush arms. She kicked her shoes off and tucked her feet under her, protectively holding the sleeping kitten in her lap, while Gavin casually positioned himself on the arm of her chair.

It took only seconds before Kelsey thrust drinks at the two of them. Haven took the spiked lemonade with a polite smile while Gavin eyed the bottle of bright yellow alcohol with aversion. “Yeah, I can’t drink this shit,” he mumbled to himself.

“I’m sure she has other stuff,” Haven said, pointing across the room. “The kitchen’s over there. You can help yourself. Kelsey won’t mind.”

He stood up, looking down at her. “Are you going to drink it?”

“I guess,” she said. “I might as well.”

Gavin strolled away, stealthily handing the bottle back to Kelsey as he made his way to her kitchen. Haven watched him curiously, taking a moment to admire the way he seamlessly infused himself into a group. Poised and confident, he spoke to strangers as if they were friends.

Envy pecked at her, sudden and unexpected. Was it jealousy that he was sharing himself with others, or jealousy at the way he seemed to effortlessly fit in? She thought it was the latter, but the sheer possibility that she might yearn to keep him to herself filled her with uneasiness.

Gavin returned with a red plastic cup and retook his spot on the arm of her chair. He took a sip of his drink and smiled. “Better.”

“What is it?” she asked curiously, peeking into his cup. “Beer?”

“Mountain Dew.”

Haven took a sip of hers, puckering her lips. “You don’t drink?”

“Yes.” He smiled playfully. “I drink water, milk, and pop.”

“But not alcohol?”

“I don’t make a habit of it,” he replied.

“I don’t drink, either,” she said, elaborating when his brow furrowed. “Well, not usually. I’m not old enough.”

“Well, I am old enough, but I prefer to keep my wits about me.”

Haven surveyed him as he sipped from his cup. His smooth skin showed no sign of age, his eyes bright and encouraging, his smile genuine. He had had a good life—that much was clear—but small scars on his hands told her he had fought for it.

Gavin looked at her as if he could sense her gaze. “What?”

“How old are you?” she asked.

“Twenty-six.”

“Wow, that’s—”

“Old?” he guessed.

She laughed. “No, I was going to say that’s kind of young to be a manager.”

Gavin’s brow furrowed. “Manager?”

“At the construction site. You work in that little office. You said you supervised things, right?”

His face lit up with understanding. “Ah, yeah. Well, what I do is less about your résumé and more about your references . . . if that makes sense.”

Haven nodded. “It does.” It was precisely how she had gotten where she was, how she had been admitted into school and settled into New York. Corrado had pulled strings, bypassing policies to manipulate the system to his benefit.

Haven nursed her drink as she mused over that. Despite the fact that she sipped slowly, she could feel the alcohol taking affect after only a few minutes, relaxing her back into the seat as her eyelids drooped a bit. Buzzing, her head swam as her body tingled, warming slightly under Gavin’s intense gaze. He remained perched on the arm of the chair, his attention unwavering.

She excused herself when her drink was empty and grabbed another from the refrigerator, taking a moment to clear her head before returning back to the others. They were playing a game, their laughter bouncing through the apartment and mixing with the music. She sat down again and had just opened her bottle when Kelsey’s voice rang out above the others. “Play with us!”

Haven looked up, her eyes connecting with her friend’s. “Play what?”

“Never have I ever,” Kelsey said. “Come on, it’s easy. We take turns saying things we haven’t done, and everyone who has done it has to take a drink.”

The blood rushed to Haven’s cheeks as everyone looked at her. She peeked at Gavin, hoping to divert the attention away from herself. He shrugged. “Sure, why not.”

Everyone migrated to the small living room, a dozen of them gathering around, and the music was turned down so they could hear the declarations called out one by one. Never have I ever had sex in the house with a parent home. Never have I ever been high. Never have I ever had a fake ID. Never have I ever gotten drunk at a school dance. Never have I ever driven a car without a license. The others laughed, trading playful jabs and reminiscing about shared experiences, while Haven quietly took sip after sip.

She found herself drinking more than she had expected to, given how sheltered a life she had lived. She realized, as the alcohol gradually seeped into her bloodstream, intoxication taking over her mind and loosening her hold on her emotions, exactly how many experiences Carmine had unknowingly exposed her to. Their lives had been anything but normal, their love anything but average, but he had managed to show her the same world everyone else knew, the world she had always yearned to be a part of, the one she thought she had only just stepped into.

The game grew more intense as it went on, the statements cruder. Haven didn’t drink so much then, but she was already past the point of no return. Gavin played along, steadily sipping his soda to things that made Haven even blush to imagine. He chuckled at her reactions, smiling guiltily at the questions in her eyes.

“Never have I ever been in handcuffs,” someone called out.

Bottle halfway to her lips, Haven hesitated as she thought of Dr. DeMarco and the day he had bound her to her bed as punishment. She took a quick drink and Gavin cocked an eyebrow at her as he took his own sip. “Don’t ask,” she muttered, shaking her head. He didn’t want to know.

A few more were thrown out, raunchy ones that gave her a quick reprieve from the alcohol, before someone shouted, “Never have I ever seen a dead body!”

The room erupted in laughter, others rolling their eyes at the absurdity, but Haven blanched as visions flashed through her mind of the death, and chaos, and destruction she’d seen. She saw Number 33, the lifeless blue eyes that still haunted her, the blood pooling around the young girl’s blonde hair.

Closing her eyes, she took a long pull from her bottle, downing the rest of her drink as she tried to clear the memory away. And maybe she had imagined it, or maybe it was purely coincidence, but when she reopened her eyes, Haven noticed that Gavin, too, had taken a sip from his cup.

The game came to a stopping point, people dispersing for more alcohol as the music was turned up again. Gavin let out a long sigh, glancing at his watch as he stood. “It’s getting late.”

Haven glanced around for a clock, but her vision was too blurry to make out the numbers. She climbed to her feet, still holding the sleeping cat, and swayed a bit. Gavin grasped her elbow to steady her, taking both the empty bottle and the kitten.

“We should get you home,” he said quietly. “You’re drunk.”

Despite Kelsey’s objections, Gavin led Haven from the apartment. He helped her down the stairs, pausing in the foyer outside of her apartment door as she fumbled with her keys. “Thanks again for tonight. I’ll see you Monday.”

She turned away, but he reached out to stop her. “See me sooner.”

“What?”

“Go out with me.”

The color drained from her face as those words washed through her. “What?”

“Tomorrow. Go out with me.”

“I can’t,” she said, shaking her head. “I have plans.”

At the library, she thought, but she refrained from saying it out loud.

“Then the next day,” he said. “Go out with me on Sunday.”