Sweet Addiction

CHAPTER 31

For several long, glorious days, Ren lived a pampered, idealistic existence. Cole saw to her every need, emotionally and physically. Captain Mike and C.J., were equally attentive whether it was to smooth sunblock over her skin or to bring up food or drink whenever she or Cole requested it.

She and Cole swam in the sea. They snorkeled along a reef not far from the boat and she delighted in all of the sea creatures she got to interact with.

One afternoon, they took the small outboard to the island they’d anchored off and picnicked on the sand. They played in the surf, took a nap in the shade of a palm tree and then motored back to the yacht at sunset.

Their two weeks were almost up, but neither broached the subject even though it weighed heavy on Ren’s mind. But she knew Cole thought about it too because she could see the way his eyes changed when he thought she wasn’t looking.

On the morning of their seventh day, she woke to Cole parting her legs and plunging deep inside her. He hadn’t worn a condom since that first day on the boat and she’d been fiercely relieved. It wasn’t as if they’d been completely irresponsible.

Both were healthy and had discussed their histories at the onset of their time together. It had been Lucas who’d insisted Cole wear a condom and he’d done so because he hadn’t wanted another man to have what was his. He’d wanted Ren to hold something back. Not let Cole enjoy the same privileges as Lucas had.

But neither Ren nor Cole had been willing to continue that line of respect in light of Lucas’s actions. And it had more to do with their own deep, personal connection than any regard or disregard for Lucas.

She wrapped her arms around Cole’s neck and let her palms slide over his shoulders to his back and down to his lean waist and over his firm buttocks.

He was such a gorgeous man. Toned. Muscled. But not hulking and huge. Just perfect.

“We have to go back today,” he murmured as he nibbled at her ear.

She wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him deeper. “I know.”

“Mike’s already weighed anchor and we’re heading back to the island where the jet is waiting.”

She sighed her regret. Their return to reality was inevitable, but still, the few days they’d been able to escape were a fairy tale she’d never forget. Perhaps an extremely kinky adult fairy tale, but a fantasy nonetheless.

He continued to rock into her until her release slid warm and pleasurable over her. Like the sun caressing the earth at dawn. She kissed him. Held on to him as he lowered his body to hers.

For the longest time they remained there, legs intertwined, their breaths mingling until finally Cole rolled over so that Ren was sprawled atop him.

“Let’s take a shower together and get dressed,” he said in a regretful tone.

She lowered her mouth to his and allowed the sweetness of his kiss to reassure her. He’d said they’d work it out and she believed him.

“Last one in the shower’s a rotten egg,” she threw out just as she lunged from the bed and ran for the bathroom.

“You little cheat!”

She laughed madly as she turned the water on and waited for it to warm. A moment later, his arms closed around her and his mouth found her neck. Then to her utter shock he hauled her into the shower and shoved her underneath the still-cold spray.

She shrieked and then began laughing as goose bumps broke out over her skin. The water began to warm and suddenly she found herself forced against the wall of the shower. Cole spread her legs and lifted her just enough that her feet left the floor and she was angled so he could penetrate her easily.

Her palms slapped against the wet shower wall and she turned her head so that her cheek was flush against the now-warm tile. She closed her eyes as he ruthlessly fucked her from behind while water rained down over them both.

There was no leisurely love making as there had been just moments earlier. He thrust hard and fast, with the sole purpose of release.

Her hair wasn’t completely soaked yet and he wrapped his hand through the tresses before yanking her down so she knelt in the shower. He angled the showerhead away and began stroking his cock with his free hand, directing the spurts of semen into her hair.

The thin ropes of cum landed in intervals and dripped onto the floor where it disappeared in the swirling water down the drain. When he was finished, she expected him to sink into her mouth and have her lick the remaining stickiness from his cock, but instead he wiped himself with her hair, smearing the liquid through her tresses.

For several long moments he simply stared down at her with glittering eyes as she knelt in front of him. Then he smiled a slow, arrogant smile that told her he was well satisfied with himself.

He ran his fingers over the stickiness in her hair before finally pulling her to her feet and once more directing the shower nozzle directly over her.

He shampooed her hair and rinsed it thoroughly before washing the rest of her body with gentle hands. He sent her out ahead of him while he finished his own shower, and she toweled off and went back into the bedroom to dress.

Breakfast was served topside and Ren watched as the island they’d anchored off of became smaller and smaller on the horizon. Then she smiled because no matter what happened in the future, she’d always treasure the memory of these last days with Cole.

“What has you smiling?” Cole asked.

Her gaze moved to him and her smile widened. “I was thinking of beating you again at Ping-Pong on the trip back.”

Cole’s eyes narrowed. “What do you mean, again? I clearly won our last bout.”

She shook her head. “You cheated. I won.”

He sputtered and set down his glass of juice. “You accuse me of cheating?”

She nodded solemnly. “I do. But another match should clear things up. Winner takes all. Claims championship rights for the entire trip.”

“You’re on.”

What before had been a friendly game turned quickly into a competitive bloodbath as both were determined to emerge the victor. The ball flew fast and furious.

Ren sank her teeth into her bottom lip and let her competitive nature take hold. Over her dead body was he going to beat her.

“Game point,” she taunted.

She blew a strand of hair out of her eyes and stared grimly across the table at him as she prepared to serve. If she lost this one, they’d tie and then she’d have to win by two. Cole seemed every bit as determined to win as she was. It was now or never.

Instead of slapping the ball toward the corner, she put a wicked backspin and barely put it across the net. Cole, who’d stood back, anticipating the hard hit, lunged forward, paddle outstretched. He just caught the ball as it fell over the side and he popped it up high. She backhanded it viciously to the opposite side and he had no prayer of getting to it in time.

She grinned triumphantly as he shot her a disgruntled look.

She sauntered around to his side and slid her paddle back onto the table. “My game.”

“So it is. I don’t like to lose, you know.”

She raised an eyebrow.

“Turn around. Hands down on the table.”

Delicious chills danced up her spine when she saw he was still holding the paddle. Her pussy tingled and her breasts tightened and swelled, suddenly super sensitive to the slightest touch.

He reached around to unfasten the fly of her jeans. Then he pulled her pants down just below her ass. With no preamble, he brought the paddle across her cheek with a smack.

It felt like fire. The very best kind. Edgy pain that quickly turned to hot pleasure.

He struck her other cheek and then stopped to caress the marks on her ass. “Very pretty. But do you know what would be even prettier, Ren?”

“No,” she whispered.

“You sucking my cock while your pretty ass gets marked.”

A jolt of excitement seared through her belly. This she hadn’t counted on. It both terrified and titillated her beyond measure.

“Who should I ask to do the job, Ren? You choose. Shall I get Captain Mike? He obviously has experience and he’s given you great pleasure these past few days. Then there’s C.J., who you’ve made a conquest out of. But he’s young and exuberant. I bet he’d get carried away and his blows would hurt a hell of a lot. But then you might want that.”

“Captain Mike,” she managed to get out. Because then, oh God, she could fantasize about him fucking her red, sore ass while Cole fucked her mouth. Just the thought of it had her so hot that with one touch she could go off like a rocket.

“Awfully quick with your decision,” he taunted. “Lucky for you he’s standing just behind me. He’s been watching while I paddle your bare ass. I think he’s itching to get in on the action.”

She trembled and closed her eyes. Her fingers curled into balls against the Ping-Pong table. Then suddenly she was jerked away. Cole’s arm curled around her waist and he lifted her in the air, tossing her over his shoulder as if she weighed nothing.

Captain Mike tossed one of the thick cushions from one of the loungers down onto the deck and Cole tumbled her onto it. “Get on your hands and knees.”

She was quick to obey his order and placed her palms down as her knees dug into the padding. Cole sank to his knees in front of her face and he shoved his hand into her hair, yanking her head toward his erect cock.

“Suck it.”

The crude directive incited her arousal further. She opened her mouth and slid her lips over his thick erection. He didn’t give her any time before he grasped her head and began fucking her in long, powerful strokes.

She’s forgotten all about Mike until fire seared over her ass. She gasped and got a throat full of cock in response.

“Yeah, baby, open that mouth up like that again. I’ll stuff it full. You decide. Every time you gasp like that, I’m going to stick my dick as far down your throat as I can.”

She trembled and shook, and then Mike paddled her again. She tried. She really tried not to make a sound, but then he struck her again, harder, and she cried out.

Cole made a sound of triumph and he pushed deeper until her throat convulsed around him.

“Oh hell, just like that. Love when you gag around me like that. It feels fucking insane.”

Mike’s blows were methodical, well placed and he acted like a man who was well disciplined when it came to punishment. Or pleasure. Because this sure as hell wasn’t punishment. Ren liked to think it was her reward for winning because she couldn’t think of a better one.

Her ass was on fire. There wasn’t an inch of her skin that was untouched. It was so hypersensitive that if he so much as breathed on her burning flesh, she whimpered. And that only caused Cole to fuck her face even harder.

“Fuck her, Mike. Fuck her. She wants it. Look at her. She’s got a mouthful of my cock and she wants more. She’s all but shaking that pretty red ass at you. If you want her, take her, but take her hard.”

Cole thrust into her mouth and ground his pelvis against her chin until his balls were resting just below her lips. And he stayed that way. She sucked desperately for air through her nose and tried to settle so she didn’t fight. If she fought him right now, he’d probably turn her over and face fuck her just like he’d fuck her pussy. It wouldn’t be easy. It wouldn’t be for her pleasure.

Rough hands gripped her ass. Tears burned her eyelids as she fought the urge to push at Cole. Then suddenly he withdrew and as she gasped for air, Mike rammed into her, opening her in one swift thrust.

Cole gripped her head and pushed back inside her mouth and both men began fucking her so ruthlessly that she felt utterly powerless between them. She gloried in that feeling. Embraced it and held tight to it.

She lost all awareness of where she was, only that she was being fucked by two powerful men in an animalistic fashion that should have appalled her. Maybe it did. But it thrilled her in equal parts. She only wished she could see it. But she could damn sure feel it.

After a while her pussy burned, as did her throat from the rough thrusts.

“She’s getting dry,” Mike said as he pulled out.

She winced at the sheer size ravaging its way out of her pussy. Cole abruptly pulled away from her mouth and walked around to the back of her. Mike withdrew completely and suddenly Cole was inside her, thrusting hard.

“Take off your condom and fuck her face for a while,” Cole said. “I’ll come inside her and you’ll have plenty of lubricant to fuck her some more.”

Oh hell, it was all she could take. She was bombarded by the words, the images and the reality of these two men having their way with her on every possible level.

Cole’s possession hurt. He was big, bigger than Mike, and she fought his invasion with every thrust. And he loved it. It made him even more forceful and she moaned just as Mike gripped her hair and forced his way into her mouth.

“Just a moment longer and you can have her back,” Cole panted.

Mike didn’t seem to be worried. He sank into her mouth and moaned softly as she swallowed him deep. Her entire body shook with the force of Cole’s thrusts and then suddenly her pussy was bathed in sticky, liquid warmth.

He coated her passageway with cum and continued thrusting until she felt warmth travel down the inside of her leg.

Then he pulled out and slapped her on the ass. “Oh hell yeah. I’m going to stay back here a moment while I watch Mike fuck a pussy that’s full of my cum. Mine, Ren. That pussy is mine. I’m letting him borrow it, but it’s all mine.”

Mike dutifully pulled out. She heard him tear another condom wrapper and then his big hands were gripping her waist again and he slid in to the hilt.

He pumped rapidly and then to her surprise, he pulled out and positioned himself at her anus. What was Cole telling him to do? Or was he taking the initiative himself?

Oh God.

The moment he breached her ass and pushed the blunt head in past her resisting opening, she started coming. She tried to cry out but Cole was stuffing his semen-covered cock back into her mouth with harsh orders to suck it all.

Mike fucked her ass while cum leaked out of her pussy. It was on his cock and inside her ass as well. Cole’s release.

And Cole was still leaking into her mouth, still spurting light streams against the back of her throat. She could no longer keep herself up and sagged onto the cushion.

Cole slid from her mouth, but Mike followed her down, relentlessly pushing his cock into her ass, even when she was forced by his weight to lie flat on the cushion.

He rode her hard and long until she was delirious. Then and only then did he shudder against her and force himself deep while he came. He rocked over her, pulling at her hair as if tugging on reins.

Then he stopped, still buried deep in her ass, astride her like he owned her.

Cole chuckled above her.

“I wish you could see this, Ren. Your ass all wide open and his cock stuffed inside. If I hadn’t already come, I’d make him pull out and I’d come inside your sweet little hole as it gaped open.”

Then Mike lifted himself off her and pulled his cock out, making her moan as she lay there, belly down, exhausted.

Cole knelt behind her, slid his fingers into her pussy to scoop out some of the semen. Then he slid his fingers into her ass, depositing the cum there.

Slapping her on the ass once more, he got back up and made a sound of satisfaction.

“Now that is a damn gorgeous sight, Ren. My woman, my possession all sprawled on the ground with my cum leaking out of both holes. You look well used. Get up and thank me and Mike for fucking you.”

She pushed herself up and stood on unsteady feet. Mike was still standing there, his cock erect and bare of the condom he’d worn just a moment ago. Cole stood beside him, stroking himself back to erection.

Knowing what was expected, she dropped to her knees in front of them both and circled both their cocks with her fingers.

“Thank you,” she whispered as she closed her mouth around Cole’s erection.

She sucked a moment and then pulled away to slide her lips over Mike’s dick. “Thank you,” she said to him as she sucked greedily at his thickness.

“Oh hell yeah,” Mike muttered. “I love the way you thank a man, sweetheart.”

Cole smiled. “Isn’t she pretty? Now make us come, Ren. I don’t care how long it takes. I want you to have a mouthful of our cum and I want you to swallow every drop.”

CHAPTER 32

It was raining when they landed in Houston. A cold drizzle had set in and showed no signs of letting up any time soon. Cole hurried Ren into a car where the heat was already running and he began the drive back to his house.

She curled up in the front seat and turned to face him, watching him as he drove. It was a bit of a shock to be back in the real world as she called it. The last days had been surreal. Like they’d taken place in an alternate reality. Paradise. Fantasy land.

Her body was deliciously sore from being used so hard and she’d never felt better. She wanted to stretch like a cat and purr.

Cole turned to her as he maneuvered through traffic. “Enjoy yourself?”

She smiled and nodded. Then she cocked her head to the side. “Why did you do it?”

He lifted one eyebrow in question.

“I mean, why did you let Mike do what he did? I would have thought you would never let another man take what you consider yours. You’ve said many times you don’t like to share.”

“I knew it was what you wanted,” he said simply.

Her eyes widened. “You let him fuck me because it was what I wanted?”

“Can you think of a better reason? I knew it turned you on. I can read your body language. As soon as he touched you, your pulse went up, your breathing sped up and you were instantly aroused. You wanted it and so I gave it to you.”

She touched his cheek, stroking the strong line and exploring the light rasp of stubble. “Thank you. For everything. Not just Mike and C.J. and all the pampering. But thank you for those memories. It was a wonderful few days.”

He captured her hand and kissed the inside of her palm before letting it go once more. “You’re quite welcome.”

They arrived home a few minutes later and Cole ordered her to bed. He did it laughingly because he could see she was falling over with fatigue. She gratefully crawled between the covers and melted into the pillows. She didn’t even remember him coming to bed. She slept long and hard but when she awoke the next morning, he was wrapped around her, a reminder that she belonged to him.

She smiled and then kissed his neck. Then she began extricating herself from his hold.

“Where you going?” he mumbled sleepily.

“Work,” she answered softly. “I want to work for a while. I haven’t written in days. I want to finish.”

He kissed her forehead. “Okay. I’ll check on you later.”

And he did. But she was so immersed in her writing and her drawings that she waved him away, her lips pursed in absolute concentration. She was compelled to finish the story and the drawings. They were so clear in her head that she feared if she took even a break that everything would disappear before she could get it down.

She worked through the day and into the night. Cole brought her a tray of food and left it on the desk beside her but crept quietly away, not disturbing her or insisting she stop.

After over twenty-four hours of work, she sat back in her chair and rotated her stiff neck. Her back was killing her. Her muscles were stiff and sore and her eyes felt like sandpaper every time she blinked.

But she was finished.

She closed the journal where she always completed the preliminary draft and caressed the aged, soft leather. Then she secured the ties around the floppy manuscript and held it to her chest.

Already she knew what she would do with it. She had a hard copy on her computer. She’d scanned in her drawings and compiled everything into one file to send to her publisher. But this copy would go to Cole. She could hardly wait to show it to him. Would he recognize the story? Would he see himself and Ren in the pages?

Wiping the sleep from her eyes, she clutched the journal to her chest and hurried off to find Cole. He wasn’t in the living room or the kitchen so the next logical place to find him would be his office.

She stopped outside his door when she heard his voice through the cracked door. He was on the phone.

She pushed open the door to peer inside and her gaze connected with Cole’s. He motioned her inside and held up one finger to signal he’d only be a minute.

She wandered in and took the seat in front of him. She settled back and let her gaze drift over him and his surroundings. She’d seen his office but she’d never really spent any time in it. Certainly not when he was conducting business.

He was even dressed for the office. Sort of. Or at least he had been. At one time he’d been wearing a tie, a long-sleeved white shirt and slacks. At the moment his sleeves were rolled halfway up his arm and his tie was loosened so it hung halfway down his chest.

Or maybe he’d even gone to a meeting while she’d been closeted in her office.

He rang off then put his phone down, turning his gaze on her. “Hey. You okay? You look tired.”

She pulled the journal away from her chest and placed it on the desk. “I finished.”

She pushed it toward him, suddenly nervous. What if he hated it? What if he didn’t see the parallels between the story played out in the pages of a children’s book and their own?

“You want me to read it?” he asked hesitantly.

She nodded. “It’s for you. I mean, this is. I always do my rough draft in a journal such as this and I keep them but I want you to have this one.”

“Is it okay if I read it now? I’ll call down for breakfast. You can go down and eat or I can have it brought up here. Entirely up to you.”

She nodded. “I’ll eat up here with you if that’s okay.”

He smiled. “I’d like that. Make yourself comfortable.”

Taking him at his word, she found the couch, but more than the comfort it offered, she wanted away from him where she couldn’t see his facial expressions as he read her story.

He leaned back in his chair and carefully opened the journal. She watched from the corner of her eye as he turned each page, his forehead creased in concentration.

A moment later, a knock sounded and the woman Cole employed to run his kitchen came in bearing a tray of breakfast for Ren. She set it on the coffee table in front of the couch where Ren sat and then backed away, disappearing as quickly as she’d come.

Ren smiled. All her favorites. A cup of hot chocolate. A toasted bagel with cream cheese with scrambled eggs and bacon piled on top.

She settled down to eat but she still kept subtle watch on Cole. When she finished, Cole was still deep in concentration, and she knew she couldn’t be here when he finished.

She rose and wiped her hands down her pants. “I’m, uhm …I’m going to go grab a shower. I’ve been up forever. Need to brush my teeth. Do all my girlie stuff.”

Cole looked up from the journal, blinking as if he’d forgotten she was there. “All right. I’ll find you later.”

She fled the room, grateful to have an excuse to leave. She did shower but did none of the girlie stuff she’d hinted at. She didn’t even dry her hair but rather combed it straight, dressed and then went outside into the garden.

There was a nip in the air and she breathed deeply, enjoying the scent of smoke either from burning leaves or perhaps a nearby chimney.

She wandered down one of the spiraling pathways to a fountain in the center of the garden. She sat on the bench and listened to the soothing bubble of water splashing over the rim.

She was finished. Another book done. With each project she completed, though there hadn’t been many yet, she always feared being able to duplicate the creativity that went into creating the story. What if she couldn’t do it again?

Lucas had laughed over her fear and told her that she was brilliant and that only brilliant people worried about not being brilliant any longer.

It hadn’t made sense to her but she liked the idea that someone found her intelligent. She didn’t always feel smart for some of the choices she’d made.

For how long she sat, soaking up the peace and tranquility around her, she wasn’t sure but she heard footsteps and looked up to see Cole walk toward her, the journal in his hand.

Her mouth went dry. Why did his opinion matter so much? She should be able to shrug it off. Subjectivity and all that jazz.

He sat beside her and for a long moment didn’t say anything at all. Then he turned to her, his eyes full of wonder.

“You’re amazing, Ren. I’m so damn proud of you.”

Her cheeks warmed and she went limp with relief. Joy shot through her veins like a dose of adrenaline.

“You liked it?”

“Liked it? I think like is way too tame of a word to describe my reaction. You’re so talented. The pictures, the way you turn a phrase. Your writing is very evocative. It’s very …nostalgic. God, it made me think of so many things in my childhood that are bittersweet.”

He reached up to touch her cheek, smoothing his thumb over her skin. “And it reminded me of us.”

Her chest ached and her throat knotted. “It was us. In a way. Perhaps a younger and more innocent us. A fledgling friendship but a relationship that meant the world to them as ours meant the world to us.”

“Yes, I could see that. Reading it made me ache, Ren. I’m so damn proud of you. It was an amazing story. I’ll treasure the draft you gave me always. And even when it’s worth millions of dollars because you’ve become rich and famous beyond words, I’ll still treasure my copy and keep it safe and private.”

She leaned into his side and wrapped her arms around his waist. “Thank you. That means the world to me. For so many years I felt so …adrift. Only in the last year have I begun to think I know what I’m meant to do and be. It probably sounds silly and melodramatic but it’s taken me a long time to get to this point where I feel like I have direction.”

He kissed the top of her head. “I don’t think it’s silly at all. Sometimes it takes some longer than others to find their way. It doesn’t make their contribution any less valuable.”

She smiled and hugged him tighter. “I love you.”

“And I love you, darling Ren.”

She snuggled a little deeper into his arms and closed her eyes.

He let her remain there a moment longer before carefully prying her away. “What do you say I take you to bed now? You’ve been up well over twenty-four hours. You have to be exhausted.”

She nodded ruefully. “I am. I feel like I could sleep forever.”

He rose and then pulled her to her feet beside him. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and walked her back toward the house.

CHAPTER 33

“Lucas is here.”

Ren’s head shot up at the grim statement. She was sitting at her desk checking e-mails and taking care of things she’d let languish during the time she was with Cole and when she’d been working.

She wanted to be calm but her hands shook, betraying the turmoil that churned inside her. She stared at Cole who stood just inside the door, trying to get a read on him.

His features were impassive. There was no expression on his face. His eyes were shuttered.

She pushed herself upward and she walked haltingly toward the door to stand before Cole.

“Where?” she croaked.

“Outside.”

She pushed by Cole and walked down the stairs, her pace quickening with each step. By the time she arrived at the door she was nearly running. Her hand closed around the knob and she drew in steadying breaths as she tried to calm her raging emotions.

Then she flung the door open and stepped outside.

Lucas’s car was parked just a few yards away and he stood, leaning against the passenger door, looking as arrogant as ever. He seemed relaxed while she herself was a flaming mess.

He was here but now what? Was he saying good-bye? Had he come to bring her things?

And then he simply opened his arms and she flew across the gravel to launch herself into his embrace.

He wrapped his strong arms around her and held her tightly. To her shock he shook against her. Every bit as much as she shook.

“You came,” she whispered. “You came.”

He hoisted her up in his arms until she straddled his waist and he was holding her up on eye level. “I’ll always come for you, Ren. Never doubt it.”

His dark eyes flashed with tenderness, clear affection, but this time there was something much stronger there. Something beyond sweet regard.

He pressed his lips to hers in a gesture so gentle it nearly undid her. There was no control or dominance in the kiss. It felt as unsure and as relieved as she’d been.

“I thought you were leaving,” she said in a cracked voice. “That this was your way of moving on. Of making sure I was taken care of. I thought you were tired of me.”

He cursed colorfully under his breath and gently lowered her to her feet. Then he tipped her chin up to meet his burning gaze.

“I did this for you, Ren. Only for you. I have no intention of leaving you. Ever. Do you understand that? Do you know what it is I’m really saying? Because I don’t think you do. These two weeks have been hell for me and I’ve counted every goddamn minute until I can come reclaim what is mine.”

She couldn’t seem to breathe right. The words registered but she didn’t know quite what to make of them. Relief stormed through her senses. Lucas was here. He hadn’t deserted her. He wanted her back.

Then her stomach dropped. Cole.

Oh God, Cole. Cole whom she loved. Cole who loved her. Cole who she wanted to be with every bit as much as she wanted to be with Lucas.

She turned, her every intention to go back in. To somehow find a way around this mess. But what? How? How could she possibly find a solution? What the hell was she supposed to do?

And then she saw him. Standing on the steps looking at her and Lucas.

Again with that impassive face. Those cool eyes. Barely flickering as his gaze passed over her. She made a sound like the cry of a wounded animal.

“I’ll arrange for your things to be delivered,” he said. “Good-bye, Ren.”

“Good-bye?” she whispered. “But Cole, you said …” She bit her lip painfully not wanting to make a fool of herself. But then what else was there for her? There was no pride in love. She’d already laid herself bare before him. Before both men. “Cole? You promised. You told me we’d find a way.”

But Cole wasn’t listening. He nodded in Lucas’s direction and then simply turned and walked back into the house. Ren’s mouth dropped open and hurt splintered through her, throwing jagged shards into her soul.

She started after him. She had to know why he’d lied. She wanted to know how he could do this again. Why?

Lucas caught her hand and tugged her back. “Come away, Ren. It’s over now.”

“But he said …He promised …,” she choked out in anguish. “I can’t go yet, Lucas. Please.”

She tugged against him, fighting him for the first time ever. Never before had she challenged his dominance. She turned back to the house, trying to get back to Cole even as she stared at the door he’d closed behind him.

Lucas gathered her gently into his arms and steered her toward the passenger seat of the car. He opened the door, got her into the seat and carefully buckled her seat belt. Then he brushed his lips over her forehead.

“I hate myself right now for what I’ve done to you. I never wanted to hurt you. It’s the very last thing I wanted to do. I’m sorry, Ren. Come home with me. Let me make this right.”

She sat numbly in the seat, her gaze fixed on the front door to Cole’s house. He’d come back, right? He’d realize what a terrible error he’d made. He’d remember his promise, wouldn’t he?

Lucas slid into the driver’s seat and started the engine. It roared to life and he began to pull away. Ren turned so she could still see the door, tears streaming down both cheeks.

Please, please come back. Just open the door. I love you.

But it remained solidly shut as Lucas drove away and the door disappeared from view. She turned and bowed her head, allowing her hair to cover her face as she wept silent, aching tears.

Beside her, Lucas reached his hand over and tentatively curled his fingers around hers.

“It will be all right, Ren,” he said softly. “I swear to you, it will be all right.”

She shook her head because it would never be all right.

Cole stood in the upstairs window in brooding silence as he watched Lucas’s car pull away. Then he stared down at the journal in his hand. He had the sudden urge to hurl it across the room but he hugged it close to his chest instead. It was a precious gift and one he’d treasure always.

Ren was gone and she’d left behind a gaping hole in his soul. His heart. His mind. She’d taken the most essential part of himself with her. His love. Always his love.

He’d watched her with Lucas. Seen the relief and the ache in her eyes. Had seen how torn she was the moment she realized that Lucas hadn’t abandoned her. He knew then that he’d lost.

Ren would never choose between the two men and neither were going to let her go. But one of them had to. It was the only way. Ren would tear herself apart and above all, Cole wanted her to be happy.

So he’d made the decision for her. He’d sent her away because it was the only thing for him to do. If he stood and fought for her, even if he won, she’d never be happy with him because Lucas would always be between them.

If he let her go, eventually she’d get over her sense of betrayal, just as she’d done before and Lucas would be there every step of the way. She’d be happy again.

Together they’d both be miserable. Apart, only he would be miserable. It was a hell of a note and two days ago he’d have said that nothing on earth would keep him and Ren apart. But it was a selfish vow and an unrealistic one at that.

He’d been a fool to barge into her life again and manipulate her as he’d done. He knew exactly why Lucas had agreed to the bargain. Lucas had taken a calculated gamble and the bastard had won.

And once again, Cole had lost the only thing that had ever mattered to him.

CHAPTER 34

“Why did you do it?” Ren choked out.

She sat huddled on the couch in Lucas’s home, a home that hadn’t been hers for two weeks. An eternity. She clutched the blanket around her, more for comfort than for true warmth. It was perfectly comfortable in Lucas’s house. As it always was.

She glanced around, half expecting things to be changed. Her presence somehow washed away. But it was still littered with many of the things she and Lucas had chosen together. And there were her things as well. Her books. A purse. A pair of her shoes. A scarf. Things that ordinarily should have been put away, but it was as if he’d left them out as reminders.

Lucas stood staring out the window a short distance away, his body tense and brooding. Silence fell between them and she pushed where before she’d never have dared. She wanted—deserved—an answer.

“Why did you send me to him? If you weren’t tired of me. If you weren’t moving on and seizing the opportunity to make sure I was taken care of. If none of those are the reasons, then why, Lucas?”

He turned then, something fierce flashing in his eyes. “Because I bloody well love you. All right? Happy now that you’ve managed to strip me to the barest of layers? I’m bleeding before you, Ren. I’m as vulnerable as a man can be when the woman he loves sits crying over another man.”

She blinked in astonishment and then she gave him a bewildered look. “I don’t understand. If you loved me then why did you look right through me when I saw you at the restaurant? If you loved me, why on earth would you send me back into the arms of a man who once hurt me so badly? Are you insane?”

He laughed, a dry, humorless laugh that made her wince.

“Insane? That’s one word for it. At the restaurant …Do you even know why I was there?”

She shook her head.

“I was there because I knew it was where you’d be and I wanted just a glance. I wanted to see how you were. If that bastard was taking care of you. And what did I see? I saw you smiling and laughing and looking so damn happy that it damn near killed me. And I knew if I looked at you, I’d damn well be on my knees begging you for forgiveness and asking you to come back with me that minute. But I gave my word and you looked happy,” he said in a bitter voice.

She covered her face with her hands. And then he was there in front of her, kneeling on the floor as he gently pulled her hands away from her face.

He held her wrists captive in front of her as he stared into her eyes. “You asked me why, Ren. I’ll tell you why. Because when you met him again, I saw something in you. I saw a spark of something that made me uneasy. Seeing that also made me realize several things. Mainly that I loved you and the thought of losing you made me crazy.”

Her mouth popped open but he released one of her wrists and put his finger across her lips. “Let me finish.”

She nodded and he let his hand fall away.

“I had to come to terms very quickly with the fact that you weren’t like other women I’d been with. What I felt for you wasn’t just sexual or me fulfilling a kink. And it befuddled me. I’ve made a practice of not getting emotionally entangled with women. But you snuck up on me. I can’t even tell you the point in which my feelings for you changed. Just that they did. With any other woman but you I would have sent you to Cole and been happy to do so. I wouldn’t have felt like my guts had been ripped out and I wouldn’t have counted the days until I could return for you. I would have moved on as you accused me of doing.”

“I still don’t understand,” she said tearfully.

“I wanted you to be happy, Ren,” he said quietly. “If Cole was the person who was going to make you happy, then I wanted you to have your chance with him. Did I want you to go? Hell no. But I thought you should go so that maybe when you returned to me—if you returned to me—you could let go of the past and embrace your future …with me.”

She swallowed and stared at him in wonder, trying to digest everything he’d just admitted. Her heart was bursting but she wasn’t sure if she was happy or devastated. How could she be sure when she hurt so much?

He moved onto the couch beside her and pulled her into his lap. For a long moment he held her tightly against his chest and caressed her arm.

“I was wrong, Ren. I’m sorry. I never wanted you to be hurt. I should have known this would put you in an untenable position. I wasn’t thinking that way. Maybe I thought it would be an easy choice. Your past or your present. I’m a black-and-white kind of person, but you aren’t and I should have seen this coming. I swear I only wanted to try to be unselfish and to give you the happiness you deserve.”

Lucas didn’t often admit he was wrong. It wasn’t that he was too arrogant to ever think or admit he was wrong. He simply wasn’t often wrong.

“I don’t know what to do, Lucas,” she whispered.

He went still against her and then in a low voice he said, “If you want to go back to him, I’ll drive you over.”

Tears stung her eyes. Eyes that were already red and swollen and that she hadn’t imagined had any more tears to shed.

“It’s not that easy. It’ll never be that easy.”

“Why? Talk to me, Ren. Tell me what you’re thinking.”

She pushed herself up so she could look into his eyes. She owed him that much at least.

“I love him.”

The dullness in his eyes hurt her more than she could have ever imagined. Lucas wasn’t one who often showed emotion. Ren could never remember him appearing vulnerable. He was strong, disciplined and he was always in control.

She palmed his face, unable to bear the pain in his expression or the bleakness that had entered his gaze.

“I love you too, Lucas. I was so miserable with Cole.”

Lucas frowned. “But—”

“It’s so twisted. I was miserable because I realized after you left that I loved you. Everything else was already there. Trust. Respect. Friendship. Desire. I was distraught because I’d convinced myself you had dumped me on Cole and I’d never see you again. But at the same time, being with Cole made me incredibly happy. Satisfied. I realized that I loved him too. That I’ve never stopped loving him.”

Lucas’s expression softened. There was relief mixed with sadness. He stroked her cheek even as she held his face in her hands.

“Have you ever been torn between two impossibilities and knew in your heart that no matter which way you went or which path you chose that you were doomed to unhappiness?”

“Oh God, Ren. I never meant for you to feel this way.”

He leaned his forehead to press against hers. He cupped her face and kissed her, wiped away her tears with his thumbs.

“I’m so sorry, baby. We’ll find a way. I promise.”

She stared at him, grief overtaking her until the words nearly choked her. “He said that too. He told me that we’d find a way. That he wouldn’t let me go. And yet at the first opportunity, he walked away. Again.”

Lucas enfolded her in his arms and rocked back and forth as she buried her face in his neck.

“I’ll make it right,” he whispered. “Somehow I’ll make this all right for you.”

She clung to him but blocked out the promise. She didn’t want any more promises. She only wanted truth. The hard, ugly truth.

“I love you, Lucas. I do. I want you to believe that. I don’t want to be without you no matter how it may sound. I’m hurting right now, but I’ll survive. I survived before. Just please be patient with me. Don’t be angry because I can’t give you one hundred percent of me just yet. I’ll get there. I swear it.”

She made the vow because she was determined that it would be so. Cole had walked away from her once before and she’d been devastated then. Now? She was destroyed. It hurt worse the second time. But she refused to allow it to dictate the course of the rest of her life.

Lucas was the best of men. She loved him and he loved her. In time she’d be able to embrace her future with him. But first she had to lay her past to rest.

CHAPTER 35

“On your knees.”

Ren slid to her knees and focused her attention on Lucas, waiting for his next command.

He stared down at her, his gaze probing and assessing. He was more patient of late. Almost as if he weighed every single command or perhaps he was afraid he was being too hard on her. Ren wasn’t sure, but she knew she needed this. In her very unstable world, she needed the constant that was Lucas. She needed him hard and firm. Unyielding. Because if he wasn’t, then her world really would crumble.

She wanted to tell him that she wouldn’t fall apart. That she needed his dominance and routine now more than ever. But she refused to sound that weak and needy. Besides, he knew. He could see right into the heart of her, which was why he was treating her with kids’ gloves.

She sighed unhappily and forced herself to await what came next.

“Choose tonight’s instrument,” he said, and took her back so many nights ago to one similar as this. The same evening they’d eaten out in a restaurant and the course of her future had forever been altered, though she hadn’t known it at the time. It was the night Cole had seen her.

She licked her lips, suddenly indecisive. She would have loved to have said a belt, but the bite of leather reminded her too much of Cole. He’d liked the belt and had used it often. He’d never, ever touched her with a whip. She wondered if he’d even ever laid hands on one after all those years ago.

Even asking for wood brought back the memory of being on board the yacht when Cole had used the wooden oar. A shiver stole over her as what had followed came back to her with startling clarity.

“Your hand,” she finally said.

“Was it such a hard decision?” he asked mildly.

If he only knew. But she shook her head and said instead, “I was weighing my options. I prefer your hand.”

“Perhaps later you’ll tell me why,” he murmured. “Very well. Rise to your knees and come with me to the chair.”

She took the hand he offered and allowed him to help her to her feet. He took his time moving to the chair that faced his bed and then he sank onto the cushion and motioned for her to lay across his lap.

She closed her eyes as he ran his palm over her bare ass, cupping and caressing the cheeks. When the first blow fell, she embraced it. She focused on herself and isolated herself from everything but Lucas and the comfort he offered.

She was so tightly immersed in the zone that she didn’t even realize when he stopped. To her horror, when she came to awareness, he was holding her shoulders as she knelt between his thighs and he was staring hard into her eyes.

“Oh God, I’m sorry,” she whispered.

To her further horror, a tear slid down her cheek. And then another and yet another until there was a steady stream of moisture wetting her face.

Lucas didn’t say a word. He simply rose from his chair and then leaned down and swept her into his arms. He carried her to bed and gently laid her down on the mattress.

He climbed in beside her and pulled the covers up over her shoulders. Then he pulled her into his arms and curled his leg over hers until she was surrounded by him.

“Sleep now, my love,” he murmured next to her ear. “And know I love you.”

She closed her eyes and snuggled deeper into his embrace until she had no awareness of where he ended and she began. And she slipped to a place where there was no pain. No sadness. No Cole. Only her and Lucas before Cole came back into her life.

“You’re an idiot,” Damon said mildly.

Cole’s lips twisted into a snarl but he bit back the explosive response.

“Yeah, I’d say you fucked up royally this time, man,” Micah added.

Cole lost the battle not to respond. “What the fuck was I supposed to do? She loves him. She was hurt by the idea that he’d given her to me and that he’d moved on. But then he shows back up for her and it’s obvious he has no intention of calmly letting her walk away from him to me.”

“Who gives a fuck about him?” Micah asked. “Ren was happy with you, was she not? You said she loves you. If all that’s true then that tells me she’d be happy with you again. But you wouldn’t know that because you let her go.”

Damon held up a hand. “He knows what a mistake he made. The real question here is how he’s going to rectify it.”

“I’m not,” Cole said grimly.

“You’re an idiot.” Micah echoed Damon’s assertion in disgust.

“Oh like you were Prince Charming with Angelina?” Cole snapped.

Micah’s nostrils flared. Angelina was a sore subject with him and Cole knew what buttons to push. He was being a first-class asshole, but he couldn’t help himself. He was in a foul mood.

“I may have treated her like shit and I may have done my damndest to drive her away, but I eventually pulled my head out of my ass and got on my knees and groveled my ass off. Think you’ll ever get to that point?”

Cole blew out his breath. “Look, she loves Lucas. Yeah, she said she loves me too. I don’t think she lied. But she loves him too. That tells me she’ll be fine with him. Hell, she’s probably better off. I can’t seem to ever make the right choices around her.”

“It doesn’t sound like either of you deserve her,” Damon said darkly. “She isn’t a piece of property to be pawned, bartered and shoved back and forth. She’s a beautiful, intelligent woman with feelings and she shouldn’t be toyed with.”

Micah smiled. “Ever the polished gentleman, eh Damon? I wonder if you’ve ever fucked up with a woman in your life.”

Damon sent him a shut-the-fuck-up glare.

“Apparently you and I are the only ones who don’t have sense when it comes to women,” Cole muttered toward Micah.

Damon rolled his eyes and shook his head in Cole’s direction. “Look, if I had pulled this kind of lame ass stunt with Serena, I would have never heard the end of it from you. You’d sit there and remind me of how you once walked away from a woman and that it was the worst mistake of your life and that I shouldn’t do the same. Come to think of it, we had this very conversation about three weeks ago where you admitted that leaving Ren was the absolute worst thing you’d ever done. So what would possess you to do it all over again? Are you a masochist or are you just that stupid?”

Micah chortled and choked on his beer before setting the bottle down on the table. “He’s got you there.”

“Swear to God, if we weren’t in a public place …” Cole bit out.

“Not sure Cattleman’s serves as a civilized place,” Damon said. “I’ve never quite seen the appeal myself, so by all means, act as though we aren’t in a public setting.”

“Ya know, Cole is a rich son of a bitch too but he never acts like Cattleman’s is beneath his pampered palette,” Micah drawled. “You just don’t like it because the girls have their nights out with Drew the bartender here.”

Damon sent him a quelling glance. “There is no price tag on taste.”

“How is Serena?” Cole asked.

He desperately wanted to change the subject. Talking about Ren made the pit in his stomach grow larger. He hadn’t slept in nights. Every time he closed his eyes, it felt like he was hurling over the edge of an abyss with no way to catch himself. That was what every day without Ren was like. Hell, it was dramatic, but he was fucked and he damn well knew it.

“She’s fine. Growing more restless by the day. Her doctor thinks that perhaps her due date was miscalculated and that she’ll deliver sooner. She’s scheduled to have a sonogram this week so more accurate measurements can be taken.”

“And how are you taking this news, Daddy?” Micah asked.

“It scares me shitless,” Damon admitted. “I’m not prepared for this. I’m supposed to be the strong and in control one and it’s Serena who is constantly having to calm and reassure me. It’s damn embarrassing. The idea of something happening to Serena terrifies me.”

Cole could understand that because the idea of Ren being hurt paralyzed him and made his blood run cold. An uneasy feeling settled into his stomach. Was she okay now? Was she happy? He hadn’t ensured anything before he’d let her leave with Lucas. Ren had feared that Lucas was moving on and no longer interested in her. Cole had never ever gotten that from the other man but Ren knew him better. Had he only arrived to take Ren because his ego dictated such? What if he’d discarded Ren? What if she was out there alone?

He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers. He could call Lucas, but would Lucas be truthful with him if he had tossed Ren out? Would Ren even know how to contact Cole if she was out there on her own? Would she want to?

“I’m an idiot,” he said in disgust.

Micah sighed in exasperation. “Have Damon and I not been saying this for the last half hour? What made you see the light now?”

Cole stood and tossed down a bill for his drinks. “I’ve got to go. Damon, please keep me informed of Serena’s progress. I’ll want to know when she goes into labor.”

Damon turned a little green at the mention of labor but nodded.

“Good luck, man,” Micah said, his eye serious. “I hope this means you aren’t going to sit back and let her walk out of your life.”

Cole grimaced as he pushed his chair back in. “I may not have a choice.”

“There’s always a choice,” Damon said. “It’s what you do with that choice that matters.”

“I really can’t stomach you when you get all philosophical,” Cole growled. “I’ll see you two later. Much later.”

Micah chuckled as Cole strode toward the door.

The cold air hit him in the face as did the heavy mist in the air. It was a rotten night to be out but an even worse night to be home alone with only his regrets for company.

If Ren were with him, they’d spend the evening in front of the fire and then she’d go down on her knees, her hair shimmering in the glow of the flames while he slid into her mouth.

Hell, who was he kidding? If he had any chance of being with Ren tonight, he’d be on his damn knees in front of her begging for another chance.

He drove home, unsure of what he was going to do or if he’d do anything at all. All he knew was that his demons were beating inside his head. Relentless and vicious. And they were all screaming at him that he’d been wrong. Again.

He was tired. He hadn’t slept in nights. But when he pulled into his driveway and rounded the bend to see Lucas’s silver Mercedes parked in front, his pulse bolted up and a shot of adrenaline rocketed through his veins.

Instead of continuing on to his garage, he pulled up behind Lucas’s car and it was then he saw Lucas standing outside the driver’s side door, hands shoved into his pockets.

Cole’s eyes narrowed as he shut down the engine and opened his door. He stepped into the raw night and realized that whatever Lucas wanted, he’d come alone. Ren wasn’t with him.

“What the hell do you want, Holt?”

Lucas leaned against the side of his car. “Invite me in, Madison. I think you’ll be interested in what I have to say.”

Cole shut his door and stared at Lucas for a long time. The other man didn’t so much as blink. Or give any hint of what he wanted to talk about.

“This better be good,” Cole muttered as he headed for the front door.

He stepped inside, flipped the lights on and led Lucas into the living room. The same living room where he and Ren had been just three weeks ago. Cole swore he could still smell her in his house. As such, he hadn’t had it cleaned since she left.

“Drink?” Cole asked as he walked to the liquor cabinet.

“Nothing for me,” Lucas said.

“I think I’ll need it,” Cole said in a low voice. He poured himself a glass of Irish whiskey and took a fortifying sip before turning his attention to his visitor.

“Now, what is it you wish to discuss that I’ll find so interesting?”

“Ren.”

Cole sucked in his breath. “Well you have me there. I’m definitely interested in anything you have to say about Ren. Is she okay?”

“Do you care?” Lucas asked sharply.

“I don’t have time for your bullshit,” Cole said coldly. “I didn’t run you down and arrange to spend two weeks with a woman I care nothing for.”

“Let me just tell you how Ren sees it. She spent two weeks with a man she once loved beyond reason. The same man who walked away from her and devastated her when she was young. She realizes during those two weeks that she still very much loves this man and he makes her a promise that he’ll find a way. A promise she clings to when she’s uncertain of how things can possibly work out. Then at the end of the two weeks, this same man walks away from her yet again. So you tell me, Madison. Does that sound like a man who gives a damn?”

Cole stared at him in stupefaction. Then he shook his head. “There are so many what-the-fuck issues with that bullshit you just spouted that I don’t even know where to begin. But let’s start with why the hell do you care? Why are you here? And for that matter why point the finger at me when you hurt her so badly by A. giving her to me in the first place, which immediately made her assume the worst and that you were dumping her and B. looking straight through her like she didn’t exist when she saw you outside Cattleman’s.”

Lucas’s face was locked in stone. “Just tell me why you left, Madison. Why did you give her up when you once swore to me you’d fight for her with every breath you had. You pretty much told me that you’d do whatever it took to ensure she never came back to me. And yet it seems to me that you couldn’t get rid of her fast enough.”

Cole slammed his drink down on the sideboard with enough force to make the liquid slosh over the rim. “I didn’t goddamn walk away from her. I let her go because it was the right thing to do. She loves you, and she was never going to choose between us. Never. She loves us both but one of us had to lose. I just want her to be happy even if I’m fucking miserable in the process.”

Lucas sighed. “I thought it might be something like that, you fucking martyring bastard.”

“Don’t piss me off. I’ve spent the night deciding just what a dumbass I was. This is the only warning you’re going to get. I’m coming for her.”

Lucas stared at him for a moment as if studying or perhaps deciding whether or not he wanted to say what it was he wanted. And finally he spoke. “I had in mind something different.”

Cole was at the end of his patience. He was tired. He was pissed. And what he really wanted was to knock Lucas on his ass and then go find Ren, throw her over his shoulder and haul her back to his cave. In that order.

“Just get to your point.”

“I think we should share Ren,” he said in a low, grim voice.

CHAPTER 36

Cole stared wordlessly at Lucas. The man was out of his goddamn mind. “Share her? Like a piece of meat or something?” He couldn’t help but remember Damon’s angry assertion earlier that evening. Hell, but Lucas’s suggestion made it sound like it was exactly what they were treating her like.

Lucas made an angry, frustrated sound. “Look, what I’m suggesting isn’t easy for me. No, I don’t think we should pass her back and forth like some tasty treat. I think we should give serious consideration to entering a relationship wherein she belongs to both of us. Full time. All the time. Which means that you and I would have to come to an understanding. And we’d have to make a hell of a lot of decisions about living arrangements.”

Cole’s eyes widened as realization dawned. What Lucas was suggesting was a permanent, full-time arrangement. Hell, they’d live together and be in constant contact. They would truly share Ren. There were so many potential pitfalls that Cole couldn’t even wrap his head around it.

But the one thing that stuck out in his mind the most was that he’d have Ren. She’d be happy. She wouldn’t have to choose. Was he insane for even considering it for the barest of seconds? And for not tossing Lucas out on his ass? What kind of a freak did it make him?

And then he remembered that Micah had lived just such an arrangement. Before Angelina. He and his best friend had shared the same woman. A woman who Micah had married but had shared with his best friend. She’d belonged equally to both of them.

But they’d been best friends. There had been a level of trust already established. There was nothing between Lucas and Cole except animosity.

“Jesus,” Cole muttered. “Is this what Ren wants?”

Lucas’s lips tightened. “I don’t know if it is or not. I haven’t talked to her about it. I wouldn’t do anything to get her hopes up or potentially upset her. I wanted to talk to you first so that if it isn’t an option, it’s never mentioned to her as one.”

Yeah, he understood that and grudgingly gave the other man respect for protecting Ren.

“You’d really consider this?” Cole asked incredulously. “I don’t share well. It’s not something I’ve ever considered.”

Lucas made another rude sound. “I’ve shared her with men at the club. You shared her with Captain Mike and some guy named C.J. Yeah, she told me all about it. It’s the same principle only now we’d be sharing her with each other. And preferably no one else.”

“That was different,” Cole bit out. “She didn’t love Captain Mike or C.J. They gave her pleasure but she didn’t feel anything for them.”

Lucas’s lips thinned. “Ah, so now we get to it. She loves me and you’d feel threatened by that.”

“Are you telling me you wouldn’t feel threatened by the fact she loves me?” Cole demanded. “Because I don’t buy it. I don’t buy it for a minute. You’re way too intense of a guy. You’re way too possessive. You’re way too bloody like me for it not to bother you.”

“Sit down, Madison. You and I have a lot to discuss and I’m not going to stand here like two circling wolves all damn night. I don’t like leaving Ren alone for this length of time and in particular when I know she’s not herself.”

Cole froze and some of the irritation fled. He lowered himself onto the couch as Lucas did the same in a chair across from him.

“How is she?” Cole asked hoarsely.

“Not good,” Lucas returned. “But that’s to be expected. She’s in love with two assholes who’ve done everything wrong. Which is why I’m here so that maybe, maybe we can do something right for a change.”

Cole couldn’t even take offense. Holt was dead right. They were two of the biggest assholes on earth. They’d manipulated, played with and hurt Ren. And yeah, maybe it was time to step up, work together and fix the situation.

“How is this supposed to work?” Cole asked wearily. “You’re dominant. I’m dominant. Ren’s only one person.”

“I’m not asking you to submit to me,” Lucas said in amusement.

Cole’s lip curled up at the corner and he glared at the other man. “Ha-ha, very funny.”

“Look, I don’t have all the answers. It’s something we’d have to work at, and more than that, be committed to working at. Every damn day. I don’t expect it to be easy. What is? What I do know is this. I love Ren. I’m not letting her go. You love Ren. You let her go because you thought it was the right thing to do. Ren loves us both and is hurt by the idea that you walked away from her and that I gave her to a man who’d already hurt her once. That makes us both dumb as shit assholes who have a hell of a lot to make up to her.”

Cole sighed. Damn but the man was making way too much sense. He wanted to hate him. He didn’t want to respect him. But the fact that Ren was at the forefront of his every thought had already earned him Cole’s regard.

“Ren would be submitting to two men. Not just one. And I don’t expect it would always be easy with us pulling her in two different directions, which is why we’d have to set aside our differences and work together to make sure she’s taken care of and not overwhelmed. In the end, it has to be her decision because her life changes the most.”

“It should be her decision anyway,” Cole said quietly. “You and I have already made too many decisions for her. I’ve walked away from her twice because I thought it was best for her. But I never asked her what she thought was best.”

Lucas nodded. “And I brought her to you because I thought it was best for her to face her past. I think it’s time we stop thinking for Ren and let her make her own decisions.”

“Yeah, agreed.”

Lucas rose from the couch. “I’ve been away from Ren for too long. She’s not been herself. She goes through the motions. She needs the routine and the discipline of submission but her heart’s not in it.” He stared hard at Cole. “Think about what I said, Madison. Think hard about it. Then whatever objection you have or however you think it’s going to affect your life or whatever sacrifices you think you’ll be making, consider Ren, and ask yourself if your objections are worth more than a life with her. When you make up your mind, give me a call. We’ll approach her together. Until then I won’t say a word to her.”

Cole watched Lucas go, unsure of whether he was supposed to thank him, curse him or dismiss him all together.

What a goddamn mess.

Or was it?

Was it a mess or was it the solution to an impossible situation?

In a perfect world, Cole would have Ren to himself and he’d never have to share her with anyone. In the shitty world where he currently existed he didn’t have Ren at all. Lucas did.

That there was enough to make compromise not look so damn bad after all.

He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and punched the contact button for Micah. Micah would at least understand the situation and he could likely offer Cole some been there done that if nothing else.

He had a feeling this was going to involve a lot of alcohol.

CHAPTER 37

“Marry me.”

Ren stiffened in Lucas’s arms and pushed away from his chest to stare at him. “What?” She couldn’t have heard him right. Ren didn’t even equate marriage with Lucas. It was traditional. Lucas was anything but. He was a free spirit. Liked things his own way. He wasn’t one to uphold tradition. He was much too likely to forge his own, separate from the ideals of the majority.

She didn’t doubt that he loved her. His confession had been painful and almost angry. But it had been raw and honest and she knew without a doubt he spoke the truth.

But marriage? She couldn’t even wrap her head around it. For that matter, she wasn’t sure she was a traditionalist in that sense.

“Marry me,” he said again softly.

Her brain synapses were firing but she couldn’t seem to get her tongue to work.

Lucas chuckled. “I see I’ve managed to make you speechless.”

“Marriage?” she finally managed to croak out.

“Yeah, you know, that thing that people do when they’re in love and want to commit to a future together? It’s customary to participate in a ceremony of sorts, exchange rings or other meaningful symbols of their love and they make promises to remain faithful, et cetera, et cetera.”

“Smart ass,” she muttered. “I know damn well what it is. I just didn’t imagine that you were the marrying type. I’m pretty sure you’ve told me in the past that marriage wasn’t an institution in which you were swayed to participate in.”

He grimaced. “Sometimes I can be a dumbass. And other times I’m wrong. I want us to get married, Ren. I want that commitment from you but more than that, I want to offer my commitment to you so that you’ll know without a doubt that I’ll love and cherish you for the rest of my life.”

She made a sound of impatience. “Lucas, if you’re doing this so that I’ll feel secure, I assure you I don’t need a gesture so grand.”

“It’s what I want, Ren. Okay?”

She blinked. “Well okay then. In that case …” She bit her lip, suddenly overcome with the magnitude of the moment. This wasn’t something to be taken lightly even if she’d never quite imagined herself in such a position.

But isn’t it what she wanted? Deep down? Hadn’t she dreamed of love and children and happily ever after? She certainly had once with Cole.

“In that case?”

She took a deep breath. “Perhaps we should wait. Just a bit. Maybe when things aren’t such a …mess.”

He cupped her cheek and stared into her eyes until she was disconcerted by the intensity in his gaze. “Tell me something, Ren. What is your first impulse? What was that very first gut reaction telling you right before you started to overthink the situation and come up with reasons why you shouldn’t?”

She licked her lips nervously. “I would have said yes.”

Triumph gleamed in those dark, delicious eyes. A predatory smile carved the hard lines of his mouth.

“Then that is what you should do.”

“You would marry me even knowing that I was in love with another man?” she asked quietly. She hated to bring Cole up again but it wouldn’t be fair if they didn’t at least take her feelings into consideration before making such a huge decision.

Lucas kissed her gently, his lips moving warm and tender across hers. “Do you love me, Ren?”

“You know I do,” she said huskily.

“Then that’s all that matters to me.”

She drew in a deep breath. “All right then. If you’re sure. Then yes, I’ll marry you.”

Even as she said the words, it felt like she was closing a concrete seal over a tomb. Her heart ached with grief. For Cole. For a man she had loved and did love. Would always love.

But perhaps in time it would dim and fade and she wouldn’t think of him so much. She’d done it once. Had gotten on with her life when she hadn’t been able to imagine doing so. And she hadn’t had Lucas then. Not for nine long years. But she had him now and no matter what she felt for Cole, she did love Lucas with all her heart and soul.

A kernel of peace settled over her soul. In time she wouldn’t feel so raw. She just had to get through the present.

She smiled up at Lucas, her heart full of love.

He smiled back and gathered her hand in his. He traced a line around her ring finger with the tip of his.

“It’s customary for a man to give his intended bride a glittering, expensive token of his love and devotion.”

She laughed. “Indeed it is.”

“I think perhaps we should choose one together. I would want you to have a ring you’re happy with.”

She leaned forward to kiss him. “You make me happy, Lucas. Not a ring or a promise. Just you.”

His expression became serious. “You’ll be happy again, Ren. Trust me to ensure it.”

“I do,” she said softly. “Just be patient with me.”

He kissed her, his mouth sweet and possessive. “Always.”

Cole stood outside of Lucas’s home and stared up at the cozy mixture of stone and wood. Somehow he’d expected something a little more imposing. More in keeping with Lucas’s aloofness. But the house was warm and inviting. It had the look of an English country cottage. Only bigger. The grounds were immaculately rendered. Even in winter, the shrubbery was bright and alive with the promise of spring blooms.

It was a place that looked like it would be alive with love, laughter and children running about shrieking with delight and playing hide-and-seek.

There was a hole in his stomach that seemed to yawn wider with every minute he stood here trying to make up his mind whether to go in or not. Lucas had been explicit. Show up or don’t show up. But this was it. Do or die. If he didn’t take the opening now, it would never be extended again. The door would effectively be shut on Cole forever.

Even after an all-night conversation with Micah, he didn’t feel wholly reassured. Micah had been sympathetic to Cole’s position but thought he was crazy if he didn’t leap at the opportunity to have a life with Ren even if it meant sharing her with another man.

But then to Micah, the arrangement seemed almost normal. He wouldn’t even blink an eye over the nontraditional arrangement. If only Cole could embrace it as easily.

He curled his fingers into tight fists at his sides. Inside the large wooden doorway just a few feet away, Lucas was positioning Ren. He was taking her through the paces of a scene that Lucas had carefully constructed. All that was missing was Cole.

All he had to do was walk in that door and he’d see Ren again. But fear held him back. What if she had no desire to see him again? What if he’d used his allotment of second chances?

What if Ren really was better off with Lucas?

Ren walked to the center of the living room and stood in front of the stone fireplace facing Lucas, who sat sprawled in an armchair. He was in a mood tonight, one she couldn’t quite figure out.

He’d bathed her, pampered her endlessly, brought her wine in the tub and fed her bits of cheese and fruit. And when she was done, he’d dried her and brushed her hair until it sparkled and shone.

Once he was finished, he’d instructed her to come to the living room in just a dressing robe. Then he’d left her in the bedroom and gone down ahead of her.

Her skin tingled in excitement as she stared into his enigmatic eyes.

“Disrobe.”

The simple command made her shiver. She tugged at the tie holding the lapels of her silk robe together and then shrugged out of the sleeves, letting it fall to the floor.

The warmth from the flames warmed her back but it was Lucas’s gaze that warmed her from the front. There was approval, lust and …love in his eyes.

She stood proudly before him, her head a little higher than it had been in the last week. It was still hard for her to sleep at night but Lucas had brought her a measure of peace with his attentiveness.

Standing here looking at him and seeing what she now recognized as love on his face, she was tempted to break discipline and throw herself into his arms. Hold on and never let go.

But pleasing him was more important to her and now more than ever she needed his quiet dominance.

“You’re lovely, Ren. I could sit here watching you all night. There is such an elegance about you. Your features are so striking. But I think what I love most is your smile. You’ve not had much to smile about in recent weeks, but tonight I hope to remedy that.”

There was an odd note to his voice. Almost caressing. She basked in the warmth in his tone, unconsciously leaning forward as he spoke.

“Tonight you’ll decide how we start. Tell me what your fondest wish is and I’ll grant it.”

“Me bound. Utterly submissive. To you. My dearest wish is that tonight you have me in any manner you desire,” she whispered.

His smile was tender as he rose. “Do you know how I see you, Ren?”

She shook her head.

“I imagine you on a pedestal, displayed to your best advantage. Beautiful inside and out.”

He went to the window and pushed out the square leather ottoman. It was huge, an accompaniment to the leather sectional in the library, but Lucas had always kept the ottoman in here because he liked to position her on it.

It elevated her to a perfect height for her to kneel and be on level with his cock to either suck or for him to fuck her from behind. And it was plush and comfortable on her knees. She could remain on it for hours and never complain.

Tonight he pushed it to the center of the living room, a distance from the fire so she wouldn’t become too warm but would still enjoy the warmth in the otherwise cool room.

Then he left the living room for a moment and returned with two metal posts attached to heavy bases. He positioned them on either side of the ottoman and then left to get two more. When he was done, there were posts about two feet out on all four corners of the ottoman.

Without a word, he picked up Ren, curling her into his arms and carried her to the leather cushion. He turned her on her knees and stroked a hand over the curve of her back and then to her buttocks.

“Stay here. On your hands and knees. I’ll be back in a moment.”

She put her palms down, enjoying the sumptuous feel of the buttery-soft leather. Then she spread her knees at a comfortable distance and positioned herself according to Lucas’s instructions.

A moment later he was back and he came in behind her. First there was the warm clasp of his hand around her ankle and then next she felt the slight abrasion of rope. She closed her eyes and sucked in her breath as he wrapped the length around one ankle.

It was then she realized the purpose of the posts. He secured the rope binding her ankle to the post, pulling it tight in the process. Then he repeated the process with her other ankle until her legs were spread wide and her feet were splayed outward, opening her completely from behind.

“Lower your head,” he ordered quietly.

She dipped her head down.

“Lower. Rest your cheek against the ottoman.”

She complied, tilting her body down so that her ass was higher than her head and she pressed her cheek to the soft leather.

He pulled one arm out beside her so that it dangled over the edge of the ottoman and then he wrapped rope around her wrist. Then he pulled outward until her arm was stretched and he tied the rope to the corresponding post.

When he finished with the other hand, she was effectively trussed hand and foot, secured to the ottoman and vulnerable to whatever he chose to do to her.

“I’ve left you just enough slack that you can raise your head when necessary,” Lucas said. “For now you can rest your cheek as you are. When I tell you to move, you’ll lift your head so that your mouth is as accessible as your ass and pussy.”

She nodded her understanding.

He hesitated a brief moment, his hand resting on her head. “Before we begin, there is something we need to have an understanding about.”

She frowned, though her expression was hidden by the veil of hair obscuring her face.

“We haven’t discussed a safe word since the beginning of our relationship. You’ve never used it. I need to be sure you remember it so that if anything occurs tonight that is not to your liking, anything at all, you will simply say the word and it will all stop.”

She was confused and a little worried at his tone but she nodded. She trusted him to stop. Absolutely.

“Say the word. This once so I know you remember it.”

“Butterfly,” she whispered.

“Good girl. Now choose your instrument. I have a desire to mark your pretty ass tonight.”

She closed her eyes for a moment. “A belt.”

His hand went still on her shoulder. “A belt? Interesting choice. Not one we’ve used before.”

She should have said a crop. She should have just gone with the familiar and not put Cole anywhere into this scenario, but she couldn’t take the words back now.

“You can use mine.”

Her head whipped up, putting a painful strain on her arms as she twisted her head in the direction of that voice. She blew at her hair to move it from her eyes and ground her teeth in frustration when it wouldn’t budge.

Then Lucas gently pushed the hair from her face, collected it in his hands and pulled it around to her back so her vision was no longer obscured.

Standing across the room just inside the doorway was Cole.

CHAPTER 38

Ren couldn’t breathe. She was so in shock that she couldn’t even process the simplest thought. What was he doing here? And why was Lucas standing there, holding her hair, so calm and measured that it could be anyone at all in his living room.

Her chest hurt. Her eyes stung. Her pulse was thudding hard in her ears and all she could hear was a dull roar.

“Remember your safe word, Ren,” Lucas murmured.

And finally it all made sense. Somehow, someway, they were here together and the reminder of her safe word was Lucas’s way of ensuring she was okay, not just with sex, pain and having her boundaries pushed, but with everything. Him, Cole and whatever the two of them had planned.

Cole stared at her with his piercing blue eyes and then he slowly walked forward, closing the distance between them. He came to stand directly in front of her and Lucas tightened his grip around her hair, forcing her chin up even farther.

Then he leaned down and kissed her. Hard. So savage that her oxygen-starved lungs screamed for mercy. Then he pulled away and took one step back.

Lucas’s hand relaxed and he settled in against her back, rubbing lightly. Then to Cole. “Your belt?”

Cole unfastened the leather belt, pulled it from his pants and handed it over to Lucas. Her neck ached from holding herself in such an awkward position but she couldn’t look away, no matter the strain on her bound wrists.

She had so many things to ask. So many questions burning her lips. But neither man had given her permission to do so. Which brought up yet another issue. Who was she to submit to? She closed her eyes and lowered her head, confused and aching.

“Look at me, Ren. You’ll look at me while he uses the belt on your ass.”

She jerked her head back up, her eyes flying open.

“Better yet,” Cole murmured as his hands went to the fly of his pants. He unzipped himself and let the pants gape open as he pulled out his cock. He stroked once and then twice and moved forward until the tip of his erection was a mere centimeter from her bottom lip.

“Open,” he directed.

She opened her mouth but he made no move to enter. Not until …

The first lash of the belt cracked across her skin, shocking her. She’d momentarily forgotten. Her concentration and focus had been on Cole.

As soon as she cried out, Cole slid deep into her mouth, pushing to the back of her throat.

“Beautiful,” Lucas said in approval. “That’s my girl. Suck his cock while I play with your ass. Please him or you’ll be punished.”

But she was already being punished. Having Cole here, commanding her like he had the right had her heart in tatters. What could she have possibly done to have deserved such a cruel, heartless thing?

Cole gathered her hair in his hands, wrapped the strands around his fingers and pulled her forward to meet his thrust. Lucas popped the belt across her buttocks again and it was like laying down a strip of fire.

She gasped and was rewarded with another mouthful of thick cock.

“Relax, Ren,” Cole said. It wasn’t an order as much as an encouragement. His voice was tender, and just the fact that he was here, in front of her, speaking so sweetly, to her brought tears to her eyes.

“Let us bring you ultimate pleasure tonight,” he continued. “Let us show you how it can be.”

How could he be so cruel?

Anger. Grief. Love. The three conflicting emotions swelled in her chest until breathing was impossible. What game was he playing? Was this some sick taunt? A final farewell and, oh by the way, this is how it could have been between us?

Tears crowded, stinging her eyes. Her nose drew up. She couldn’t force air into her lungs.

Lucas brought the belt down over her ass, but it was no longer pleasurable. Each blow was painful. Sharp. The euphoric haze that normally surrounded her when Lucas laid leather to her flesh had evaporated, leaving her cold.

She strained against the bonds, panicking for a moment because she was utterly restrained. No give. She was helpless with no way to stop what was happening to her.

Cole shoved into her mouth. There was no longer any beauty to the act. For the first time, she felt used. Degraded. Mocked.

How could he do this to her? How could he be here when he’d walked away from her a second time? Worse, how could Lucas allow it? Did he want her to have closure? Because she was sick to death of decisions being made for her.

She struggled against the bonds but Lucas and Cole both followed her movements. The pain of the belt stopped and she went weak with relief for a moment. Lucas had recognized that she didn’t want this.

But then he slid into her, hard. Deep. His hips slapped against her sore ass as Cole continued to use her mouth. They had no mercy. Had no idea that she was dying on the inside.

Butterfly.

The word floated through her mind and she seized upon it, realizing it was the only way to make this stop and to make them go away.

She struggled fiercely again. This time Lucas paused, his hand sliding over her hip as if he was concerned. The moment Cole withdrew she yanked her mouth away and tried to say the word but it caught in her throat that was swollen with grief and unshed tears.

When Cole cupped her jaw to guide her back to him, she shook her head in silent rejection and then finally, her voice came to her.

“Butterfly,” she croaked out.

Lucas went completely still. He pulled out of her instantly and when Cole would have taken her mouth again, Lucas bit out, “Stop! It’s her safe word.”

Cole released her immediately and backed away. She didn’t look up. Couldn’t bear to look up. Behind her Lucas fumbled with the rope around her legs.

“Get her untied,” Lucas ground out. “Quickly.”

With both men working to untie her, she was free in just a few moments. She sagged onto the ottoman, refusing to meet either of their stares.

“Ren.” Lucas’s voice came to her, low and urgent. “Ren, what’s wrong. Did I hurt you? Are you all right? Tell me what’s wrong.”

He tried to touch her. He would have picked her up, but she warded him off, slapping at his hands, pushing him away.

She pulled herself into a sitting position and dragged her knees to her chest in a protective measure. She hugged them to her body, buried her face between her knees and rocked back and forth, silent tears streaking down her cheeks.

“Please just leave me alone,” she said in a hoarse, ugly voice.

A hand dropped tentatively to her shoulder. Cole.

And then on her other side, Lucas. He threaded his fingers through her hair and pressed in close until the heat from his body bled into her.

“Ren, look at me,” Lucas pleaded in a soft voice. “I can’t leave you alone. Not until I know what’s happened. Have I hurt you?”

She raised her tear-ravaged face then and the two men swam in her vision. She could see the stark worry reflected in their eyes. They looked …tormented. Unsure.

“I just need this to be over. I can’t do this anymore. How could you do this? Either of you? Haven’t you done enough? Did you really think this would help me? Or make me feel not so abandoned?”

Lucas, who was never at loss for words, stared at her as if he had no idea what to say or that he even understood what she’d burst out with. Maybe it didn’t even make sense to her. She just knew she was bleeding to death and there wasn’t a bandage in the world that would stop the flow.

Cole looked bleak. He rubbed his hand through his hair and then over his head to clasp the back of his neck. “I shouldn’t have come. I shouldn’t have done this.”

It made her furious and she wasn’t even sure why his statement made her snap, but she was suddenly so very angry that it was like being infused with a shot of liquid fire.

She flinched away from Lucas’s touch and he backed away as if sensing that she desperately needed space.

“No, you shouldn’t have come!” she shouted. “Why did you come, Cole? Why? Is this some sick twist? It wasn’t enough you walked away again after promising me we’d find a way. Is this some kind of final farewell where you show me how it could be but can never be because you have no intention of ever keeping your promises to me?”

Both men looked shocked by her outburst.

She dropped her face into her hands as some of the tearing sobs finally clawed their way from her chest. The sound was ugly in the silence but she could no longer control the horrible grief swelling inside her.

“Ren, oh God no, Ren,” Cole said hoarsely. “No, no darling. That isn’t it at all. Oh God, you have to listen to me.”

He tried to tug her hands away from her face but Ren resisted and turned away, hunching into a miserable ball.

She was naked and vulnerable and not in the physical sense. She had no care for her actual nudity. It was just flesh. But her soul was flayed open. Her heart lay in shreds. She’d never been so intensely vulnerable in front of someone else in her life. Not even in complete submission. The most intense scene. No matter what paces she’d been put through. No matter how wholly she gave her obedience. Never had she felt so stripped of her self before. And it wasn’t a good feeling.

She felt ugly, dirty, used …betrayed. Betrayed by the very men she trusted and loved with everything she possessed.

She turned then to Lucas because her anger was a terrible thing, wrapping her in its heartless embrace.

“How could you let this happen? How could you do it? You knew how badly he hurt me. I told you everything, Lucas. Everything. You were supposed to protect me. You asked me to marry you and then you let him come here and use me and throw back in my face everything I’m trying to forget. How will him walking away a third time make me anything but more miserable?”

Those damnable tears slid endlessly down her cheeks. She wiped furiously, wanting to remove the signs of weakness. She wanted to be strong, now of all times. She couldn’t afford to be weak when the very men who swore to always keep her strong had utterly failed her.

“I’m not leaving you, damn it!” Cole roared. “Goddamn it, Ren, I made a mistake. One I’m never going to repeat if I can goddamn well help it.”

She pulled her gaze from Lucas to see Cole towering over her, bristling with anger and frustration. But when she met his stare, all she could see was endless pain and despair, a perfect match to her own.

Lucas slid his fingers over her chin, gripped her jaw and gently turned her back to face him. “I would never do anything to hurt you, Ren. Not intentionally. I love you. You’re my fucking life. Neither of us deserves your trust right now but I’m asking you to listen to us. Listen to what we have to say. Please.”

The please threatened to shatter her control. Lucas never asked for anything. He certainly never begged but this was as close to him being down on his knees before her as it was possible for him to get without actually being there.

There was a rawness to his eyes that grabbed at her gut and twisted hard. What she saw in his gaze made her ache all the more because it wasn’t confidence, arrogance or even anger she saw. What reflected in those dark eyes was vulnerability and fear. Two things she’d never imagined seeing in this man’s face.

And then to her utter shock, both men moved in unison. Both knelt awkwardly in front of her, down on their knees so they were on eye level with her.

Lucas reached for her hand and brought her palm to his lips as he bowed his head. “We’re at your feet, Ren. Give us a chance to explain. It’s all we ask.”

Cole took her other hand, threaded his shaking fingers through hers and pulled it to lay over his heart.

“I’m not too proud to beg,” Cole said hoarsely. “For you I’ll get on my knees. I’ll do or say whatever it takes to make you give me one last chance. Just one, Ren. It’s all I’ll ever ask of you again.”

CHAPTER 39

Ren stared back at the two men on their knees before her and a fresh round of tears squeezed from her already burning eyes.

“Please don’t cry,” Lucas said in a tortured voice. “You’re killing me, Ren. I’d do anything in the world not to make you cry.”

“What is it you both want to say?” she asked in a husky, strained voice.

Relief was stark in Cole’s eyes. His grip tightened around her hand but she could still feel the tremble in his fingers. He seemed terrified. Nervous. More unsure than she’d ever imagined him looking about anything.

“There’s a decision we want you to make,” Cole began.

She sucked in her breath and jerked her gaze between the two men as panic welled in her chest. Choose? She’d never be able to choose between them. How could she?

Lucas touched her cheek and wiped away the dampness from underneath her eye. “We aren’t asking you to choose between us, love. Never that. What we’re asking is if you can submit to two very dominant men.”

She looked first at Lucas and then to Cole before moving her bewildered gaze back to Lucas. “I don’t understand.”

Cole moved in closer, his hand sliding across her leg to rest on the top of her thigh. “What we’re asking isn’t easy. But then what ever is when it comes to love? If you chose to submit to us both, it would be difficult at times. We’re both demanding. You’d be pulled in opposing directions though we’d vow to work together as often as possible to alleviate any stress on you and our relationship.”

“Relationship?” she croaked. “Cole, I’m confused. What are you asking me here? Are you wanting to trade me back and forth? A week at your place then a week at Lucas’s?”

Lucas made a strangled sound and his lips came together in a thin line. “Hell no. We want you with us all the time. The both of us. What Cole is so delicately trying to say is that the three of us would enter into a relationship. Together. With you as the common glue, to put it crudely. You would be what binds us all together. We’d live together. Work out our differences. We’d swear to love you always and do everything in our power to make you happy.”

“Oh.”

It came out as a shocked whisper. It was the very last thing she’d imagined they’d say. A rush of hope so powerful that it made her dizzy blew in but close on the heels of that bittersweet emotion came doubt and a hundred questions.

“You asked me to marry you,” she whispered.

Lucas nodded. “I did. I want and need that commitment from you.”

“Then how?” she took a breath because her head had begun to pound. She rubbed at her eyes and then dug her fingers into her temples.

“We would still marry, Ren. As a couple we’d be inviting Cole into our lives. As a permanent member. Instead of one man in your bed, you’d have two. Instead of one husband, you’d essentially have two.”

Ren found Cole’s gaze, needed desperately to know his thoughts. What was he thinking? How could such an arrangement work when he was basically an outsider looking into a legal, established relationship?

“I made a mistake,” Cole said in a tortured voice before she could voice her own question. “I thought I was doing the right thing. I wanted you to be happy. I swore I’d never walk away again but then Lucas came for you and I saw how that affected you. I saw how happy you were. How relieved. And then I realized that making you choose would make me the biggest asshole in the world and I couldn’t force you to do something that would, in the end, make us all miserable. I hoped by me walking away that you could find happiness with Lucas. But I can’t let you go, Ren. I can’t be the better man here because I’m only better if I’m with you.”

Her breath left her in a silent exhale, her chest caving in at the agony in his voice. “Is this what you want? Would you be happy in such a situation? You’re okay with sharing me with another man?”

Her heart was about to beat out of her chest. So many questions. So much uncertainty. The only thing she knew for sure was that she loved both of these men, heart and soul. And if there was a way …any way …of her having a life with both, she’d be a fool to walk away, wouldn’t she?

His expression became fierce. His eyes sparked with determination and when he spoke, the conviction in his words was crystal clear.

“I love you, Ren. I love you so goddamn much I can’t sleep, I can’t eat and I’ve got a hole in my gut that’s never going away. So yeah, if I’ve got even a small chance at having a life with you? Then yeah. Hell yeah. I’d share with you Satan himself.”

“I hardly think I’m the equivalent of Satan,” Lucas said dryly.

She smiled and oh God, did it feel good. She wanted to weep again but now of all times she didn’t want to dissolve into another weepy mess. This was too important—the most important moment of her entire life.

Hesitantly she turned to Lucas. “I don’t think we should get married.”

Lucas blinked. Then his brow furrowed. He opened his mouth, no doubt prepared to argue but she put a gentle finger over his lips to silence him.

“Think how you would feel if Cole and I sat in front of you talking of marriage and inviting you into our relationship,” she said gently. “If this is going to work—if it has a prayer of working—the relationship has to begin on equal footing. I don’t ever want Cole to think that he’s less important in my eyes. I don’t want you to ever think you’re less important.”

Cole’s hand tightened around her leg and when she glanced from Lucas to him, she was shocked to see a glitter of tears in his eyes.

“Do you have any idea how much I love you right now?” he whispered.

“I want you to marry me,” Lucas said stubbornly. “I’ll find a way for you to marry us both if that’s what has to happen. But I want you tied to us, legally, emotionally, physically and mentally.”

“Now the man is speaking my language,” Cole muttered. “And finally we find common ground. See Ren? The one thing that unites us is you. You’re the one thing we both love beyond reason. You’re the one reason we’ll put aside our stubbornness and be willing to compromise. Because neither of us wants to face the prospect of losing you. I’ve lost you twice. Two of the most goddamn miserable moments of my life. The one thing I can promise you above all other things is that I will never willingly walk away from you again. You may not trust that yet, but in time, I’ll prove it to you. I swear it.”

It was hard to believe they were on their knees in front of her having a perfectly civil discussion about entering into a relationship where both men would have to share the woman they loved with each other. The amount of sacrifice involved boggled her mind.

She turned to Lucas and stared a moment at this hard, unapologetic man. Her throat knotted again at what she suspected and she was moved to find out. She needed to know if her suspicions were accurate.

“Was this your idea? Did you go to him?”

Lucas sighed. “Does it matter?”

She nodded. “Yeah, it does.”

“I may have gone to see him to inquire as to whether he’d be open to such an arrangement.”

She launched herself into Lucas’s arms, knocking him flat on his back. She kissed him and then hugged him tight. “I love you so much,” she whispered. “You’ve always understood me better than anyone.”

He stroked her hair and kissed her long and leisurely, seemingly content to lay there on the floor with her perched atop him. “I love you too, Ren. I want you to be happy. We want you to be happy.”

She pushed herself back up and glanced shyly at Cole. He stared back at her, his heart in his eyes for her and the world to see. So much love. And honesty. Vulnerability. In that moment she realized how much power she truly had over both men.

It wasn’t a moment of triumph where she relished victory or was smug to have such power. It was more a quiet awe and a vow to always respect the hold she had on them.

“I love you,” she said simply. Because what other words held as much power?

Cole’s eyes lightened and joy flushed away the wariness. “I love you too, my Ren. We’ll work it out. It may not be solved tomorrow. Or next month. But we’ll get there. As long as I have you, I can bear anything.”

She went into his arms and circled his neck, hugging him tightly as she burrowed her face into his shoulder. He squeezed her to him until she could feel each ragged breath burst from his chest.

“Can this really work?” she whispered. “I’m so scared. And excited. And terrified. And happy. I don’t know how to feel or what to think.”

Cole pulled her away and then eased her back onto the ottoman so she sat in front of the two men once more.

“We’ll make it work,” he said simply. “What else is there for us to do? We love you. You love us.”

She smiled then, relief sliding through her heart.

“Come here, Ren,” Lucas said gruffly.

It wasn’t the command of a dominant to his submissive. It was the low growl of a lover desperate for his mate. Slowly she stood, naked but not nearly as vulnerable as before. Lucas rose to stand in front of her and then he swept her off her feet, cradling her in his embrace.

He strode toward the bedroom and deposited her on the mattress. He and Cole made quick work of their clothing. In seconds they were both naked and both bearing down on her. Lucas came down on her left, his eyes tender and loving. Cole settled on her right, warm desire shining in his blue eyes.

Wordlessly they began a sensual assault on her senses. Lucas claimed her lips while Cole tugged on her nipple with his mouth. They kissed and caressed every inch of her body. Their hands worshipped her. Their lips cherished her. And soft, sweet words whispered from their lips.

They told her they loved her. Told her how beautiful she was. How lucky they were to have her. Tears pricked her eyelids but this time they were happy tears. They were lucky? She had to be the luckiest woman in the universe. Who wouldn’t die to have two sexy as sin alpha males absolutely love and adore her?

Lucas moved over her first, sliding between her legs and rocking his big body over hers. He entered her in a gentle thrust that threatened to undo her. He claimed her mouth just as he claimed the rest of her. And he didn’t stop at her body. He claimed her heart, her mind, her very soul. Sliding deep where she was unraveled and carefully putting her back together piece by piece.

After a few moments he carefully withdrew and before she could protest the loss of his warmth and possession, Cole was there to take his place, his body blanketing hers as he pushed inside her.

So loving and heartrendingly beautiful. His body undulated over hers as he nibbled at her neck and then he whispered in her ear that he loved her, would love her forever.

Each promise he made her, she took to heart, letting his words heal so much of the hurt and anguish she’d endured. She wrapped her arms around him, holding him close as joy enveloped her. So much happiness. She was afraid it was all a dream. A crazy, marvelous dream that she would wake up from cold and alone.

Cole thrust deep, pressed his body to hers and then he slid his arms underneath her and holding her tightly, turned so that she was atop him.

She let her legs slide over his so that her knees found purchase in the mattress. His hands roamed down her back to her ass. He cupped the cheeks and squeezed gently before lifting his hips to thrust again.

And then the bed dipped. Lucas’s hand slid up her spine, pressing her downward until her body was flush with Cole’s. A shiver of delight overtook her as she stared down into the eyes of a man she’d feared was gone from her life forever.

Cole cupped her ass more firmly and then spread her just as Lucas positioned the head of his cock at her opening. Lucas leaned down and kissed the center of her back and then whispered softly as he delicately probed her tight entrance.

“Relax, my love. Let us both take you. Let us show you how much we love you.”

She melted all over Cole. Lucas pushed more firmly and her body gave way to his persistence. He slid inside and she moaned at the instant fullness of having both men buried inside her body.

It was …magic. The two men she loved beyond measure. Both deep inside her body. Both commanding her, dominating her, cherishing her with words and actions.

She wanted to be consumed. Completely overtaken. Used. Controlled. Owned. This was her reality. Her existence. Between two strong men. Pampered, spoiled …loved.

It was more than she could have ever imagined. Tonight there were no belts, no crops. No harsh words meant to incite desire. No orders, no commands. Just love. So much love she was drowning in it.

Their gentleness was her undoing. They moved with a sensual grace that made her ache with desire. Every movement. Every thrust. Each push inside her body was done with complete caring. Infinitely sweet. Strong and yet so adoring.

They covered her, surrounded her, touched her, kissed her …loved her.

“This is how it will be, Ren darling,” Cole whispered so close to her ear. “Every day for the rest of your life. Us loving you. Taking care of you. Always protecting you. We may command you, but it’s you who own us heart and soul.”

She smiled and reveled in the beauty of his words. Lucas’s lips brushed across her nape and he nipped lightly as he covered her from above.

“Love you,” he said huskily.

“I love you too,” she whispered back. “I love you both so much. I want this. I want a life with you. The both of you.”

Cole shuddered beneath her. Lucas stilled and his body trembled as he sought to maintain his control. But it was as if her words drove them both over the edge. Their control was a thin thread that unraveled the moment she embraced the life before them.

With a harsh groan, Lucas began thrusting, his cock pulsing already with his release. Below her, Cole grasped her hips and surged upward, matching Lucas’s rhythm as they both poured themselves into her body.

She laid her cheek against Cole’s heaving chest as Lucas settled over her like a heavy blanket. Both men were breathing hard as they remained buried inside her. She smiled, suddenly having a very good picture of the future.

Between two strong, dominant men who loved her beyond reason and would cherish her on a daily basis.

The future had never looked so utterly wonderful.