Sweet Deal

Chapter Twenty-Two

Shelby stared at Jake, her heart pitching into an unsteady rhythm. Her palms went sweaty, her face hot.

“Looking for you,” he said, not moving.

“Why?” Her eyes flickered toward Andrew and then back.

“I heard about your project. I tried to call you and they said you’d gone home. I went to your place and saw you coming back here. So I followed you.”

“I don’t understand. How did you hear about my project?”

“From Andrew.”

Her head whipped around to stare at Andrew.

He ran a finger inside his shirt collar. “Uh, yeah. I went to see Jake this morning.”

“Why?”

“We had some issues to talk about.”

“As do you and I,” Jake added. “Shelby, we need to talk.”

She frowned. “I don’t think so. Besides, I’m working and I have business to discuss with Andrew.” She lifted her chin and looked at her boss. “If you have time.”

He met her eyes and nodded. “Yes. I have time.”

Jake stared at her for a long moment. “Business, huh.” He nodded slowly, rubbed his chin. “What are you going to talk about?”

What? What? “Business!” she snapped.

And then he smiled. A slow, kind of sad smile, but a smile. She blinked at him.

“Okay. Good.” He walked toward her, stopped right in front of her and spoke right into her ear in a low voice. “Stand up for yourself, Shelby Rose. Don’t let the past mess up your future. You don’t have to drag that crap around with you forever. You’re smart and talented and you can do this.” He brushed his lips over her cheek.

Her mouth fell open as she watched him walk out of the office, closing the door behind him.

She turned to Andrew.

“What is it you wanted to discuss, Shelby?” He regarded her with an expression on his face she had a hard time identifying. Probably felt sorry for her. Dammit.

“Um.” Her mind was a snarl of confusion. “I…ah…didn’t get a chance to finish telling you my solution to the project problems this morning.”

“I had another meeting to go to. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah. Well. I didn’t feel you were very open to hearing about it. Since you’ve already assigned the new project to someone else.”

He said nothing, but his mouth tightened and he gave a short nod. “I’m open to hearing whatever solutions you think you might have.”

So she laid it all out for him, including her cost benefit analysis and the research she’d done. Her projections for time, money, resources. He looked over the documents she showed him and listened.

Finally he leaned back in his seat. She waited, breath suspended for his reaction. Then he nodded. “It could work.”

She let the air seep slowly out of her. “I think it definitely could.”

“Such a simple solution, really.”

“The best ones usually are.”

He grinned. “True.”

“What would you do about the other project and Brad?”

He bit his upper lip briefly. “He could still manage it, but it would mainly be monitoring the work of the consultant. It would give him time to work on other things as well.”

She nodded slowly. “And I could keep this project?”

His eyes flickered. “Yes.”

Relief flooded through her and her head went light. “Thank you.”

“Shelby. We need to clear the air about some things.”

Her body tightened. “Okay.”

“I know about what happened at your last job.”

“You know?” She blinked rapidly.

“Jake told me.”

“You two had quite the conversation apparently.” Her mind raced.

Andrew gave a huge sigh and sank down into a chair. “Yeah.”

She caught her bottom lip between her teeth briefly. “Oh. Anyway. So you know what happened at my last job. It might’ve…uh…made me a bit paranoid about…some things.”

“Ya think?” He gave her wry smile. “I was never trying to sexually harass you, Shelby.”

Oh Jesus, he knew everything. An inferno roared to life beneath her suit, scorching her cheeks. “Oh.”

“Let’s just get it all out,” he said. “If we’re going to work together, we need to clear the air here. I went out on a limb to hire you because I thought you had a lot of talent. You’re smart, experienced, you have great technical skills and people skills. That’s rare in this business.”

She gaped at him. “Uh, thanks.”

“I wanted to make sure you succeeded here at Gold Shield. So I spent some extra time with you.” He rubbed his forehead. “I never gave you projects I didn’t think you could do, Shelby. I wanted to challenge you. I had faith that you could do it.”

“Oh.” Her mouth fell open even more as she watched and listened, her mind racing to process it all.

“I never realized the impression I was creating. Jake filled me in on that too.” He winced.

“Oh,” she said again.

“I’m sorry about that. You’re so easy to talk to, I came to enjoy having coffee with you. I like talking to you and you always seemed to have good advice about Gianna. But I want you to know that I love my wife and I had no intention of starting anything with you other than a mentoring relationship.”

Relief mingled with embarrassment inside her.

“And this morning…okay, I apologize for that too. I didn’t have time to listen to your suggestions. But seriously, Shelby, I would have listened if you’d come to me later.”

“I’m sorry.” She twisted her fingers together in her lap. “I was just so afraid it was happening again. My last boss destroyed my career at RBM.”

“Do you think that little of me?” he asked, almost looking disappointed.

What could she say? “No. I don’t. I’m sorry. I do like working for you, Andrew. I’ve learned a lot. You’re a good boss. I was just paranoid, like I said.”

He nodded. Took a deep breath. Let it out. “Okay. Let’s start fresh. Your idea for how to continue with the project does sound like it would work. Your business case was well thought out. So let’s see if we can do it.”

She grinned. “Okay.”

“We don’t need to be friends to work together,” he said. “But we need to be honest with each other.” He met her eyes and she nodded her agreement.

“I agree.”

“I’m sorry you felt like you had to lie to me about having a boyfriend.”

More hot embarrassment washed over her at that. What could she say? “Well. I’m sorry I did it.” She rolled her eyes. “You have no idea how sorry. Are things okay with you and your wife?”

His eyes shadowed. “I don’t know.”

Anger at Jake spiked again. “Jake’s an asshole for doing that. He shouldn’t have used me to get back at you. To try to steal your wife away from you.”

“He wasn’t trying to steal my wife away from me.”

Her chin dropped again. “He wasn’t?”

“No. Though maybe he could have. She wouldn’t talk last night, but after I saw Jake this morning, I went to her office and we had it out. She was the one who instigated that. She says she’s confused. After she saw Jake at the company barbecue, she started to wonder if she’d made a mistake.” He looked like someone was squeezing his testicles, but he kept going through gritted teeth. “I guess I should have known that someone who’d ditch one guy for another would probably do the same to me.”

“I’m sorry.”

He grimaced. “Anyway, Jake didn’t rat her out. He was going to let me keep thinking he was the one who’d done it. And for what it’s worth, I don’t think he was using you either.”

“Y-you don’t?” Her thoughts ground to a halt yet again.

“No. He also told Gianna…” He stopped, shook his head. “You should talk to him.” He gave her a crooked smile. “How about you take the rest of the afternoon off and we’ll start fresh tomorrow morning?”

She swallowed through a dry throat, gave a short nod and rose to her feet. “Thank you, Andrew.”

“Shelby.”

She paused with her hand on the door, looked over her shoulder. “Yes?”

“We can talk more about this tomorrow, but I think I know who the consultant should be to work on the project.”

“Oh. Okay. Who’s that?”

“Jake.”

She went very still. “But he’s…not a consultant.”

“Yes, he is. He quit his job yesterday.”

She didn’t move. Tightened her fingers on the door knob. He’d quit his job. Joy swept over her, joy for him that he’d finally done it. All her insides quivered with excitement. “And you’d hire him?”

He smiled. “Hell yeah. I can’t think of anyone better.”

Oh. Her heart almost exploded out of her chest. Maybe things would be okay between him and Jake too. Or maybe not. Lots had happened. But this made her pulse leap with excitement and feel a little giddy.

“Thank you, Andrew.” Their eyes met in a brief connection. He nodded.

Well. She still had her job. She still had her project. Her relationship with Andrew might take a little while to rebuild, but it sounded like he didn’t want to get rid of her. In fact, it sounded like he really liked her. Liked her work, she amended in her mind. He’d never been after anything else. Relief blossomed and spread through her, but then her heart tripped as she remembered Jake.

She’d put on her big-girl panties and come back to work and dealt with the problem. But thinking about Jake still hurt. A lot.

She almost ran a red light on her way home, she was so preoccupied thinking about him and what had happened. Once safely inside her apartment she changed her clothes once again, back into her comfy yoga pants and T-shirt. She sat on her bed.

Andrew didn’t think Jake had been using her.

She rubbed at the tightness between her eyebrows as she tried to make sense of it all. He and Gianna had been in love. Andrew was his best friend. Then Andrew and Gianna had fallen in love with each other.

She touched her fingertips to her lips and closed her eyes as she imagined how that must have hurt Jake. She knew about his past, about his mother, and how he didn’t do relationships. He’d gotten involved with Gianna though, and although it hurt her to think about, it hurt even more to think about his pain when Gianna had fallen in love with his best friend. How much that must have hurt Jake.

Her throat constricted. So when he’d run into them that day at the picnic, it must have been like getting slapped in the face yet again.

He’d told her about his and Andrew’s plans to go into business together and she knew how disappointed he’d been about that even though he hadn’t told her the whole story. So not only had he lost his girlfriend, he’d lost his best friend and his business plan. That was a lot to lose all at once.

She wanted to hug him, to kiss him, to tell him she understood. Then she remembered that he’d used her and anger rose again. Except…Andrew didn’t believe he’d been using her. And thinking back over the last few weeks, and all the time they’d spent together, it didn’t feel like she’d been used. She remembered laughing with him, crying with him, bike riding, walking Wayne, baking cookies with Taylor, and all the things he’d done for her and for her friends when Adam died.

No. That wasn’t using her.

Maybe her stupid optimism was going to be her downfall yet again, but she just couldn’t stop the buoyancy that rose up inside her. He did care about her. He might not want to admit it, probably because he was afraid of getting hurt again, and okay, she got that, given his history, but she was suddenly, absolutely positive that he did care.

What had he said to her? Don’t let the past mess up your future? Something about dragging crap around with her?

Yes. That was what she’d done. All her life, basically.

She’d known she shouldn’t get involved with her boss at RBM but she’d done it anyway. She’d tried to learn from it. And yet, she’d brought that hurt with her, and it had colored everything, made her think that Andrew wanted more from her than he really did. She’d made a mess of things when she should have just had a conversation with Andrew.

So she knew what it was like. She knew what Jake was dragging around with him. And he needed to realize that too. He needed to know that everyone he cared about wasn’t going to leave him.

She rose to her feet. She had to see him. She looked at her watch. Would he still be at work? She didn’t want to go see him there. She’d wait until he was at home. And she knew what she’d do to keep herself busy until then.

He opened his door to her, his hair messed, shadows darkening the skin below his eyes. He must have just gotten home, hadn’t even changed, his usually impeccable business clothes rumpled—tie loosened, top button of his shirt undone. He’d taken off his suit jacket and rolled the sleeves of his shirt up, revealing his big strong forearms. He looked so sexy and handsome and sad, it made her heart squeeze.

Wayne came rushing at her, tail swishing with fond recognition, and she put out a hand to rub his head, looking briefly away from Jake to greet the dog.

“Lay down, Wayne,” Jake said abruptly. Wayne went to the tile floor and laid his chin on his front paws, looking up at them with big dark eyes.

Jake turned his gaze back to her. “Hi.” She heard the question in his tone.

“Hi.” Her stomach tightened with nerves, despite her conviction that she was right about him and his feelings for her.

“Everything okay?” he asked. “With you and Andrew?”

She nodded slowly. “Pretty okay. I still have a job. And Andrew might get over being pissed at me.”

His lips quirked. “I think he will.”

She wanted to kiss his mouth. She wanted to breathe in the scent of his skin. She wanted to feel his arms around her. She remembered how he’d looked after her during the time of Adam’s death and funeral, how he’d looked after all her friends, actually. And when she looked deep into his eyes, she saw the pain there, the uncertainty, the same longing and fear she felt.

“I brought you these.” She held out the container and he looked down at it even as he automatically reached for it. He opened one corner of the plastic lid and peered inside, then looked up at her, his eyes bright.

“Cookies?”

“Yes.”

He rolled his lips inward briefly and gave a short nod.

“Can we talk?” she asked.

“Sure.” He led the way into his living room. She stepped over a few dog toys and a stack of newspapers and sat on the couch. He set the cookies on the table, then sat beside her, but not too close.

“Tell me what just happened at work,” Jake invited. So she told him. She told him what her first plan had been, to go to Andrew’s boss, and how she’d realized that would be a mistake. Jake laughed about it and shook his head, admiration gleaming in his eyes. “Good for you, Shelby,” he murmured. “Good for you.”

His praise lit her insides up and made her head go light. A shaky smile tugged at her lips. “So tomorrow we start fresh, and we’re going to try to make that project work.” Which reminded her. She shifted closer to him on the couch, her gaze fastened on his face. “Jake. Andrew told me you quit your job.”

“Yeah.” He grimaced. “Finally got over feeling sorry for myself. Got my courage up. It feels good. Scary, but good.”

“You’re going to do great.” She wanted to tell him what Andrew had said about hiring him, but held off, until it was more definite. “I know you will.” She paused, and then slowly, deliberately echoed his words, holding his gaze steadily. “I’m glad you realize you shouldn’t let the past mess up your future too.”

He stared at her. “Huh?”

“That’s what you told me. Not to drag that crap around forever. And you’re right. We don’t have to be bound by all those stupid messages drilled into us. My parents ignoring me. My boss screwing me over. Men using me. And you…” She paused and swallowed. “Not everyone you care about will leave you.”

He regarded her for a long moment, emotions flickering across his face. Should she tell him? Her stomach tightened.

“Did you use me to get back at Andrew?” she asked.

He rubbed his eyes and shook his head. “No. Not to get back at him. But…I did use you.”

She sucked in a breath between her teeth. “How so?”

“When I saw Andrew and Gianna at the picnic that day, they both looked at me like they felt sorry for me. I didn’t want them to think I was a big loser, a year later still all broken up over what had happened. I didn’t want them to feel guilty, because, hey, they love each other and they should be happy together. So, I wanted them to think that we were together and I was happy with someone else and everything was good.”

“Oh.” She turned his words over in her mind while something hot and soft expanded in her chest. Just like she’d felt when they’d run into Mark. “Oh, Jake.” She hesitated. “Did you love her a lot?”

“Nah.” He looked away, then back at her. “I mean, I thought I did. But I think it was mainly my self-esteem that took a kicking. I just hung on to that, because I felt I’d been wronged. By both of them. All those old feelings of being abandoned and not wanted came back to life.”

She nodded.

“Last night at Callahan’s, Gianna and I were talking and she told me…” He paused, rubbed one eyebrow. “She told me she always felt like I was just…there. She never felt like she really got close to me, always felt like I was keeping her at a distance. And it’s true. That’s what I’ve always done. I make sure girls know up front I don’t want anything more than…than…”

“Sex.”

He made a face. “Yeah. Sometimes. Okay, usually. She told me that’s why it was so easy for her to fall for Andrew. He was there for her. I wasn’t.”

She swallowed hard and nodded, her eyes burning. “From what Andrew told me about their conversation, I’m not sure she really loved either of you. I mean, I don’t know Gianna, but it sounds like she’s interested in whoever will pay the most attention to her.”

“Huh.” He tipped his head to one side. “You could be right.”

She hesitated. “But you were there for me.”

“It’s different with you. Maybe because there was no pressure, because we had a deal, I relaxed enough to…”

“To be there?”

He cleared his throat. “Yeah. But even though we started off with a deal, I should’ve been honest with you right from the start. That wasn’t fair. But then…I started to care about you.”

Her eyes widened.

“I didn’t realize what was happening. It changed, Shelby. Maybe it started out as a deal, but it changed.” He grinned crookedly. “I guess you’d call that scope creep. The goal of the project changed.”

She couldn’t help the giggle that escaped her. Trust Jake to make her laugh when they were having the scariest conversation of her life. “Scope creep is bad.”

“Yeah. But I think maybe the original deliverable wasn’t uh…feasible.” He gave a wry smile. “I was hanging on to everything I thought I’d lost, but you made me realize that didn’t even matter anymore. It wasn’t until Gianna came after me that I realized I didn’t want her back. I just wanted you.”

His words started a cyclone in her heart and her lungs seized up. She could hardly breathe and her hands shook so bad she had to link them together tightly.

“And I did not go after her,” he added curtly. “No matter what Andrew thought.”

“He knows. When he talked to Gianna, she told him.”

“Oh hell.” He stared back at her. “Really?”

“Yeah. I don’t know if they’ll work things out. He seemed pretty angry.”

“Oh man.” He rubbed the back of his head. “I hope they do.”

And she believed him. He could’ve told Andrew what Gianna had done, knowing how much that would hurt Andrew. But he hadn’t. He still cared for his friend, even after what had happened between them.

“Andrew’s been busy today.”

Jake laughed. “You know, he has. He definitely has. I, uh, may have misjudged him.” He bowed his head briefly. “For believing he was interested in you and would cheat on Gianna. And he definitely kicked some sense into me. He told me if I’d just been using you, I wouldn’t have stuck around when Adam died. And he’s right. I didn’t have to do that. I could’ve bailed right then. Who needed all that drama?”

She lowered her chin. “Drama?”

“You know what I mean.”

“Yes, I do.” Relief that she’d been right poured into her, like water rushing over a waterfall, and she smiled. “Well, I’ve screwed up some things too,” she murmured, looking down at her hands in her lap. “Andrew told me he was never trying to be anything more than my boss or mentor. I was so paranoid because of what happened at RBM, I guess I read too much into what he was saying and doing. I was so embarrassed when he told me that.”

“Ah, Shelby Rose. It’ll be okay.” He paused. “I’m sorry I hurt you. That’s the thing that makes me most mad at myself. Because I didn’t think about that. I really didn’t think feelings would get involved. You wanted a fake boyfriend and I wanted a fake girlfriend. It seemed like a sweet deal.”

She closed her eyes. Let his words seep into her brain. He was right. It had been a deal. A deal she’d agreed to. And, like him, she’d thought she could do it without getting emotionally involved. Her body tensed and trembled and she clasped her fingers together.

“The truth is, I got upset that night I saw you with Gianna because I was hurt. But also because I was jealous.”

“Really?”

She nodded, holding the eye contact, watching the cautious hope dawn in his expression, letting it encourage her to go on. “Yes. Because it may have started off as a deal. But…I fell in love with you, Jake.”

His eyes closed and she faltered. She took a breath. Licked her lips. “And I think you care about me too,” she said, her voice wobbly. Her throat aching, her insides shaking, she waited. She studied his face, his beautiful face, dark eyes full of emotion, that dimple in his chin deep, showing his jaw was tight. Was she setting herself up for yet another rude awakening?

“I love you too, Shelby.”

Her body moved toward him, unable to stay away. Tears stung her eyes and then she was in his arms, his mouth on hers, tasting so damn delicious and warm. His arms wrapped around her so she could hardly breathe, but that was okay, she didn’t need to breathe, she just needed him. Wetness slipped between their faces as they continued to kiss, mouths fused.

“I love you too,” she murmured, kissing his jaw, his cheek, his closed eyelids. “I love you.”

“You’re the best thing in my life, Shelby,” Jake said, their faces still pressed together, nose to nose. She inhaled the familiar scent of him, let her fingers play through his silky hair. “I need you. But I gotta tell you—I’m terrified. I thought it was bad when Gianna dumped me, but you…” His eyes closed. “You might as well rip my heart out of my chest and jump up and down on it with your stiletto heels.”

“I’m not going to do that,” she said softly, stroking his hair. “I promise. I’m here.” She understood what an impact the past could have on him and how scary it was for him to admit his feelings. To take that risk, the risk of rejection, once again. “And I’m afraid too, you know. My whole life I doubted my self-worth. My parents ignored me and I got attention where I could—from boys.” She swallowed. “In high school, when boys started paying attention to me because of how I looked, I liked it. But I always ended up feeling…used. Even later, when I was an adult, it seemed like guys just wanted one thing. I liked the attention at first, but then I just felt empty. That’s why it hurt so much. I thought you were the one guy who wasn’t using me. I mean, other than what we agreed on. And then it turned out you were.”

He groaned and tightened his arms around her. “I’m sorry,” he choked out. “So sorry, Shelby.”

“But you made me feel good too,” she whispered, laying her palm on his whisker-roughened cheek. “You did. You made me feel like I could stand up for myself.”

“When I heard about your project being cancelled, I had to see you. I couldn’t believe you hadn’t told Andrew your idea. I was going to kick your butt and send you back there to talk to him. But you’d already gone.”

“Yeah.” She drew back a little and smoothed her palm down his cheek. “You made me believe I could get over the past, shake off that garbage and move forward. And you can too.”

“Yeah.” He closed his eyes briefly. “I might be broke. In two weeks I’ll be unemployed.”

“I don’t care.”

“And I might drive you crazy with my uh…messy tendencies.”

“I might drive you crazy trying to clean up after you.”

“We could make a deal,” he suggested with a gleam in his eye.

“What kind of deal?”

“Don’t worry.” He kissed her mouth. “It’ll be sweet.”