The Carnal Prayer Mat (Rou Putuan)

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Poem:

When Fragrance had been sleeping with Vesperus for ten nights or more and their passion was at its height, the affair was abruptly terminated by her husband's return. Her frustration was indescribable.

I used to think, she said to herself, that talent and looks in a man never went together with performance. That was why I passed them both up and regarded that coarse, stupid creature of mine as such a treasure, letting myself in for a life of constant hardship to help him earn a living. I never dreamed there might be anyone who combined all three qualities. If I'd not met this genius, my beauty would have been wasted, and I'd have been no better off than the ugly woman across the way! It's no good regretting what's past, but I'm not going to waste any more of my life! As the maxim says, "An upright person doesn't do underhand things." If a woman does not lose her honor, fine. But if she does, she might as well be bold and resolute enough to leave her husband for her lover and so avoid having to divide herself between them. I've often said that you can only afford to take a lover if you have Red Whisk's eye for a hero and Zhuo Wenjun's boldness. And provided you take just one lover during your whole life and stick with him, even the words take a lover will be rectified in due course. Eventually you'll receive honors and a title and qualify as a true heroine.

Those weak, useless creatures who scarcely manage to consummate their love and then waste the rest of their lives on their lovers, in some cases never seeing them again and even pining to death-aren't they ridiculous? The formula for taking a lover is composed of two terms, adultery and elopement, which are inseparable. If you're going to commit adultery, you have to elope. If you think you'll never be able to elope, you'd do far better to remain faithful to your husband and so escape retribution for your sins! Why batter away your honor and even your life for a moment of joy?

Having made her decision, she wrote a letter to Vesperus proposing that they elope. As a girl in her mother's household, she had loved reading and writing, but on becoming a merchant's wife she had neglected her skills and now wrote as she spoke, without any literary flavor at all. But although she was ill versed in the art of composition, she wrote straight from the heart, unlike those talented young ladies whose letters submerge all trace of feeling under a welter of subtle implication, forcing people to read them as literary texts rather than as letters.

Her letter ran,

To my lover, Scholar Vesperus:

Ever since you stopped coming to see me, I have spent all day in front of my food unable to swallow it. If I force myself to eat some, it is only a third at best. Obviously my heart and other organs must have shrunk to a fraction of their former size; it is not just my face and body that have withered until they scarcely look human. Not having seen me, how would you know the state I'm in? I have now made up my mind to spend the rest of my life with you, and you must arrange it at once. Either trouble the Knave to come and abduct me or I'll do a Red Whisk and run away to join you. Just settle the date and the place where you'll be waiting, lest we miss each other and I be lost to the fisherman who gets the profit. [58] This is very important, so take note! If you are worried about the consequences and hesitate to run the risk, then you are a faithless wretch. You may write and tell me, but from that moment on I'll break with you and never see you again. If I should see you, I have sharp teeth and they'll take a bite out of my false-hearted lover and eat it as I would pigmeat or dogmeat!

As for all those lovers' oaths sworn on pain of death, they are just cynical ploys used by heartless women to deceive men, and I cannot bear to utter them.

Respectfully, Fragrance, the concubine you favored with your love.

After finishing the letter, she stood by the door until she saw the Knave walking by. But upon giving it to him, she began to worry that Vesperus would be too timid for such a dangerous venture, and she conceived the idea of picking quarrels with Honest Quan until he couldn't stand her and would be willing to follow the precedent of Zhu Maichen and let her go. [59]

Feigning constant illness, she gave up her spinning. Her husband even had to make the tea and do the cooking. If the tea was a little cold, she would accuse him of not boiling the water, and if the food was a little tough, she would complain that he had not cooked it properly. She got up every morning at dawn and nagged steadily until evening, stopping only when she went to bed. He had to be ten times as diligent as before if he was to get safely through the night; otherwise she would order him out at midnight to make tea or prepare medicine, and that would be the end of his uninterrupted sleep.

When they had sex, she used the same means by which she had disposed of her first husband, hoping to send Quan on his way and leave herself free to marry someone perfect in all three respects. Faced with her scorn and loathing in the daytime, Quan did his utmost to serve her at night, to atone for his misdeeds. To his dismay, however, his nocturnal efforts did nothing to make up for his daytime delinquencies. She had scarcely gotten out of bed than her whole attitude changed, striking fear into his heart before she opened her mouth. In less than two months she had so worn down her tiger of a husband that his bones stood out like matchsticks and he barely clung to life.

When the neighbors saw what was happening, they felt indignant, but because of their fear of the Knave they were reluctant to tell Quan. He, however, noticing this sudden change in a wife who had previously been so contented and affectionate, realized that there must be a reason behind it and continued to question them.

"Was there any outsider at the house while I was away? Did you notice anything going on?"

At first they made out they knew nothing, but at length, under the pressure of his questioning, they took pity on him as an honest man about to die at the hands of an adulterous wife and felt obliged to respond. "Well," they replied, "yes, there was someone who made a few visits to your house, but he is not the kind of customer you would want to provoke. If you do, it will be just as the proverb says: 'An open thrust is easy to dodge, but a sneak attack is hard to avoid.' Not only will you fail to stop him, you could suffer a very nasty accident."

"Who is this man, that he's so dangerous?"

"None other than the dreaded, world-famous miracle thief, A Match for the Knave of Kunlun. He was passing by your house a while ago when he saw what a good-looking woman your wife is and came over and asked whose wife she was. We told him she was yours, and he said, 'What a mismatch for this woman to be married to a husband like that! Do they get along all right?' We assured him you got on very well indeed. Then later he noticed you were away on business and came and asked us, 'How long will Honest Quan be away?' We assumed that he wanted to buy some silk and told him, 'The whole trip will take ten days or more.'

"But from then on, we heard noises coming from your house every night, as if there were people talking in there. If it had been anyone other than the Knave, we'd have gone and investigated. But you know how it is, you'd sooner provoke the God of the Years than this fellow. [60] Even if you leave him alone, he may still come and get you, but if you offend him, you're in real trouble. Moreover, there's no provision in the law for neighbors to seize people in adultery. And so we let him come and go as he pleased. He slept there ten or more nights, until you came back and the road closed again. We're telling you this, but you've got to keep it to yourself and be on your guard at all times against revealing it to anyone else, or it will bring disaster down on all of us. Even in front of your wife you'll have to control your feelings and not give yourself away. Otherwise she'll let him know, and none of us will be left in peace. If we're lucky, we'll lose only our property; if we're unlucky, we'll lose our lives as well."

"I saw him coming in to buy silk all the time and I was surprised he was such a big customer. So this is why! Well, gentlemen, if you hadn't told me, I would never have known, so I shall respect your wishes and not tell anyone. But the day will come when he'll fall into my hands, and when I've caught him and cut off his head, I shall ask you to back me up."

"That's foolish talk," said the neighbors. "As the saying goes, 'You have to have the goods to arrest the thief, and you have to catch them in the act to prove adultery.' He's been a thief all his life, and he's never once been found with the goods on him. Do you really suppose that after a few nights of adultery he's going to let you catch him in the act? Now, don't take offense, but that wife of yours isn't yours anymore. If he carries her off with him one day, just be happy if you don't have to provide the dowry."

"How could he do that?"

"An old technique of his, haven't you heard?" asked the neighbors. "A wall may be dozens of feet high, but he'll clear it at a single bound! Or it may be hundreds of courses thick, and he'll get through it the first time! That cottage of yours will give him no trouble at all. He's sure to get in, by one means or another, and not only will your wife be taken off, all your property may well go with her as dowry. You'll have to be on your guard against a double loss."

Honest Quan grew even more alarmed and, kneeling down in front of the neighbors, begged them to think of some plan for avoiding such a disaster. The neighbors sympathized with his plight and tried to think of a solution. Some urged him to divorce his wife and cut off the danger at the root. Others told him to take his wife and flee with her to some distant place. Quan was in a dilemma until another neighbor, a man of some experience, offered his opinion.

"Neither solution will work," he said. "Even if Quan's wife could be evicted under the law, he hasn't gathered any evidence. On what grounds is he going to divorce her? And the Knave knows every road in the land. He'll track you down no matter where you move to, and when he does, you'll have delivered your life into his hands, I'm afraid. In my humble opinion, the only thing to do is make the best of a bad deal. Since your wife has no desire to stay with you, there's no point in trying to keep her. You'd be far better off getting a little money from selling her, so that you won't suffer a loss. If you sell her to anyone other than the Knave, she'll refuse to go, and when he hears about it, he'll resent your trying to break up his affair and will retaliate. The best thing would be to sell her to him. A thief can easily get his hands on some money, and since he's in love with your wife, he may be willing to put up a hundred or two. With that you should have no difficulty getting a second wife. Find a homely one who'll give you no trouble, and you'll be ahead in two respects: you'll have a wife and you'll be able to keep your property."

"Excellent idea!" said Quan. "Although it's not what a husband ought to be doing, it's the only option I have. But there's just one problem. I can hardly ask him myself, so I shall need a middleman. Would one of you gentlemen be willing to act for me?"

"If that's what you want," said the neighbors, "we wouldn't mind helping out. But once you've sold her, you're not to go stirring up trouble by saying we conspired with a scoundrel to seize your wife."

"If this works out, I will owe my life and property to you gentlemen. I would never do anything so two-faced."

"Quan is an honest man," said the experienced neighbor. "He'd never do such a thing, you can set your minds at rest."

They consulted and chose someone known for his diplomatic skills to go and negotiate with the Knave the next day.

Meanwhile, ever since parting from Fragrance, Vesperus had been suffering from lovesickness. In his desperate state he was counting on the Knave's magical powers to reunite him with Fragrance.

"If you want her abducted," said the Knave, "that's no trouble. The only problem is that you won't be able to go on living here afterward. If you wish to be husband and wife, you'll have to take her to the ends of the earth, somewhere you can't be traced, and settle down there. Are you prepared to do that? It's a question you'll have to decide before I can take any action."

Because of the two other summa beauties whom he had yet to seduce, Vesperus was reluctant to leave the area. At first he could not make up his mind, but then, seeing how outspoken Fragrance was in her letter, he felt in honor bound to agree.

"I'll never be able to drop out of sight unless I move a long way off. Of course I'm ready to leave."

"In that case it will be simple," said the Knave, "except for one thing. Abducting a man's wife is a far more serious crime than stealing his money. Money is all a matter of chance anyway; if you lose it today, you can always earn some more tomorrow. But if a man's primary wife is abducted, the loss will be too much for him. Moreover, Honest Quan is poor. If he loses this wife, how will he ever be able to afford another one? A man's life is at risk if you push him too far. We need to think of some form of consolation for the victim. We should bring a hundred or more taels with us when we abduct his wife and leave them in his house, as if to suggest that he take them and buy himself another wife. If we deprive him of one wife but enable him to get another, it may not help our moral credit at all, but at least I'll have been true to myself as a hero."

"That would be the perfect plan, except that I'm embarrassingly short of money and there's nowhere I can get any. I'd have to trouble you for it, as a friend, and that is something I'd feel very uncomfortable about."

"Where my money's concerned, it's easy come, easy go," said the Knave. "If I begrudged you the money, do you think I'd have dared to speak up so boldly? Just leave the expenses to me. Write to her and say that I'll go and get her whenever she wishes, so long as Quan isn't at home; tell her there's nothing for her to worry about."

Vesperus was in high spirits as he hastily ground up the ink. Because her letter had been simply written, he replied in the same simple language, to save her trouble in interpreting it. The letter ran,

To Mistress Fragrance:

The two months since we parted seem like decades. Your heart and other organs have wasted half away, while mine have swollen to the same extent. Otherwise why would they block my throat so that I cannot swallow a morsel of food? I have been pleading all this while with the Knave to help us, but he was afraid that you were not fully committed and did not dare embark on it lightly. However, when he saw your letter to me, he realized that your love was as firm as iron or stone and he now undertakes to try his best. To do as Red Whisk did would be far too dangerous; with him helping us, it would be better just to emulate the Girl in Red. It is hard to predict when our tryst will occur, but the day your warden leaves home will be the same day Chang'e flees to the moon. [61] Send us the glad tidings as soon as you know, so that we can take action. If I prove faithless, whether I am pigmeat or dogmeat, your honorable mouth will not need to bite me, for there will be crows and curs aplenty to drag me off and devour me. I shall say no more.

Respectfully,

As a precaution I shall not sign my name.

After delivering the letter to Fragrance, the Knave took out a hundred and twenty taels and packed them up in readiness. But while he and Vesperus waited anxiously for news, Quan never left the house. Then one day, to the Knave's surprise, one of Quan's neighbors appeared and, after exchanging a few casual remarks, came to the point.

"Honest Quan's business has been losing money and he can't make ends meet. As a result he is unable to keep his wife and proposes to sell her. It occurred to me that other people either had no money at all or else hadn't enough to keep her, whereas you, with your great generosity in helping others, might come to the rescue. So I'm here to beg you to do a good deed that would not only save this woman from starvation but that would also provide Honest Quan with some bride money as capital. You would be doing a great service to two people."

The Knave was perplexed. What an extraordinary thing! Here was I, just about to go off and see to him, when he sends someone over with an offer to sell her, as if he knew what I had in mind. He may have heard that I was acting for someone and, thinking he could not escape my trap, he may have decided to take this way out. Since he has done so, I'd better buy her openly rather than covertly. Why take the money along and then abduct her?

"Why on earth would he want to sell his wife?" he asked the neighbor.

"He's been driven to it by poverty, nothing else."

"In that case is the wife willing to leave him for someone else?"

"She can't stand the misery at home and is eager to get away. There's no question of her willingness."

"What would the price be?"

"He intended to ask for two hundred, but you don't need to stick to that. As long as he gets a bit over half, I daresay he'd be satisfied."

"In that case let's make it a hundred and twenty."

Having obtained the Knave's consent, the neighbor asked him to weigh out the money while he sent for Quan to come and close the deal.

The Knave's first idea had been to name Vesperus as principal and the neighbor and himself as intermediaries, but he thought better of it. It's a risky business taking another man's wife, he reflected. My reputation is sufficient to deter anyone from hauling me into court, but if I let him give his name, he'll be in trouble at once. So he said nothing about Vesperus, and he made out he was taking Fragrance as his own concubine.

Quan arrived and a marriage certificate was drawn up, to which he affixed his thumbprint. The neighbor also made his mark and passed the paper to the Knave, who handed over a packet of silver in the amount promised plus another ten taels as broker's fee for the neighbor.

That same day, still without letting Vesperus know, the Knave hired a sedan chair and fetched Fragrance. Only after he had found a house, furnished it, and engaged a maid for her, did he arrange the wedding and see the couple to their bridal chamber-behavior unsurpassed even by Bao Shuya with his loyal friendship or Curlybeard with his gallantry. [62] The only pity is that the Knave answered the wrong question in the examination and cannot qualify as a true hero. If he had applied his loyalty to the case of a worthy friend and his gallantry in a real emergency, he would have been entitled not only to rank as a hero among robbers but also to feel superior to the official classes.