The Demon Lover

The Way Out

I felt very shaken after that experience. I did convince myself that I had imagined I was in danger, but I tried to remember in detail everything we had said and what had actually happened while we had stood there on the edge of the Peak. She had asked pertinent questions about Kendal; but then I supposed others were asking similar questions. It was true that Rollo did show great interest in Kendal, while at the same time he did not attempt to hide his indifference to the boy who was supposed to be his own.

I felt I was moving towards a climax, and one part of me warned urgently that I ought to get away while another posed the continual question of How and Where?

The miniature of William was progressing. Rollo used to come to the studio as I had asked him to, and it was touching to see William’s delight in having him there showing such an interest in the portrait.

He would look at William kitently and then comment on the miniature.

“You’ve caught the expression in his face,” he would say. Or: “The colour of his skin is not easy to get, I should imagine.”

William sat basking in the unusual interest he was arousing and while I worked I was able to dismiss all my fears and be happy. It was wonderful. Kendal insisted on being there. He was doing a portrait of William too.

“I like a big picture,” he said; and indeed, in spite of his immaturity, he was producing something which had a look of William

So there were the four of us together, and as I painted a serenity crept over me and I wished that we need never break away from those magical moments. Even the children felt it, the deep contentment in that room. Rollo seemed to have forgotten his desire and was ready to settle down in what I can only call an atmosphere of peace.

It could not last, of course. Soon the miniature would be finished.

But it had done what I had wanted it to. It had given something to William which he might never have had. The boy had changed perceptibly. Between us, I thought, Jeanne and I have given him confidence-with a little help from Kendal.

The news was bad. There were dissenting factions all over France. The government was republican but there were strong partisans of monarchy in it. Fighting continued in strife-torn Paris and the rioting of those who were more concerned with making trouble than setting the country right was bringing complete disorder to the capital.

What could I do? Where could I go? I thought again of trying to get to England. I could go to Collison House and live there with Clare. I had had no reply to my letter so I wondered if it had reached her. I was sure that she would give me a warm welcome.

When I suggested to Kendal that we might leave the castle he was overcome with horror. He loved the castle. He had been extremely happy ever since he had come.

“Don’t let’s go, Maman,” he said.

“Let’s stay here. What would the Baron do if we went?”

I did not answer. The question in my mind for a long time had been:

What will the Baron do if we stay?

The picture of William was finished and the Princesse admired it.

“Your work is so good,” she said.

“I often look at those you did of the Baron and me. The one of him is particularly interesting.”

“Do you think so?” I asked.

“Oh yes. You seem to have seen something in him when we didn’t… until you pointed it out.”

“I’m glad you think so.”

“There is an expression in his eyes which is almost benign.”

“We all have many sides to our characters,” I reminded her.

“And it takes certain people to bring them out,” she agreed.

“Why, you have made William look quite an attractive child.”

“He is an attractive child.”

“He is better since you came. Sometimes, Kate, I think you have an effect on us all. You are not a witch or something, are you?”

“No indeed. Only a painter.”

“A very good painter. You must agree to that?”

“If I didn’t think so, how could I convince other people that I was?”

“You are very wise, Kate. I am sure Rollo thinks so.”

I turned away. I was always uncomfortable when she talked of him. I remembered that mischievous streak from the past which I had discovered when she came to my room dressed as a maid. That spirit of mischief still lingered. Was she trying to tell me that she knew her husband had been my lover still was and that this child who was beginning to look too like him for the resemblance to be coincidental was his?

They were uneasy days.

I must go. I must. And the answer was always the same:

Where? How? And Kendal must not be put at risk.

Because he understood my feelings so well Rollo found work for me to do. He had been searching through the castle library, he told me, and he had found some old manuscripts which were in need of restoration.

He would show them to me if I could come to the castle the following afternoon while the boys were at their lessons.

I did wonder whether there were, in fact, any manuscripts or whether he just wanted to talk to me. I found him in the library. It was an impressive room lined with bookshelves, as I had imagined it would be, of course, but the books were on various subjects and most of them beautifully bound.

“This is my sanctum,” he said.

“Do you like it?”

I said it was delightful and impressive at the same time.

He took my hand and pressed it to his lips.

“We go on in the same old way, Kate,” he said.

“Don’t you want to change it?”

“Yes. I want to go from here really because that is what I feel I should do.”

“We want to change it for the better,” he said tersely, ‘not for the worse. “

“Have you brought me here to show me old manuscripts, or to talk of impossibilities?”

“To talk possibilities and to look at manuscripts. But first let us talk. How long will it be before you realize that we can’t go on like this?”

“We can,” I contradicted, ‘until I can get away. If it were not for Kendal, I would risk trying to get to England. I am beginning to think that that is what I must do. I have talked about it to Kendal. “

“What does he say?”

“He doesn’t want to leave, of course.”

A slow smile spread across his face.

“He is such a wise boy,” he said.

“You have charmed him with your attentions.”

“Naturally my own son likes me.”

“You have not made yourself so charming to poor little William.”

“I said my own son, I can’t account for bastards;’ ” You are a cruel, hard man. “

“Not to you, Kate … never to you.”

“Once …” I began.

“That was necessary arid it was the beginning of love, wasn’t it?”

“No, pure lust for reveng^’ Oh, that …”

“Which failed.”

“It was highly successful because it showed me that there was one woman in the world who could satisfy me.”

“You! Everything comes back to you. Please show me the manuscripts.”

“In due course. First we talk. I’m tired of this … subterfuge.”

“There is no subterfuge C’n my part.”

“When you pretend that tyson is not my son!”

“How could I do otherwise! I have an idea that your wife already suspects.”

“What does she suspect?”

“That Kendal is your soil-‘ ” Then she is correct in that. “

“That I am your …”

“Mistress?” he said.

“Well, let us hope that she will soon be correct in that too.”

“Please do not talk in that way.”

“But if the first of her suspicions is true, then the second must be.”

“I don’t agree.”

“Oh, Kate, let us make it so. It is a pity to cheat people of their assumptions.”

“You haven’t changed, have you? I believe that the Princesse … resents my being here-‘ ” She has said she is delighted that you are here. The picture other son gives her a great deal of pleasure. She says the boy is better since you have been here. He likes playing with our boy and he is losing that hang-dog look of his. When he was having his portrait painted I almost liked him. “

I said: “Even if it were possible, a woman would have to think very hard before throwing in her lot with a man like you.”

“Now, Kate, be honest. Do you think I don’t know your feelings towards me? Your lips tell lies when they speak, but sometimes they are more honest. Could you let them speak the truth regarding me … for once?”

“I hope I always speak the truth.”

“Not on one all-important matter, and that is your feelings for me.”

“I prefer not to discuss the subject. I have in any case told you many times how I feel about your actions and it is not really very complimentary.”

“That’s why I say your lips lie. Think back, Kate, to everything that has happened to us. You know that you love me. You can’t leave me.

You’re trying all the time to get back to that room in the tower. It’s not very far from here, you know. It’s undisturbed by the war. We could go there. We could recapture that night. “

I faced him angrily. I thought: It is lust, pure lust that he feels for me. He wants me because I don’t want him. He hasn’t changed since that night and is as capable of rape now as he was then. Even his affection for Kendal is nothing more than pride . pride of possession.

My instincts were warning me. I should be wary of him, wary of my own feelings for him. What it was I felt for him I was not sure, but it was not love.

When I had seen him crippled because of what he had done for Kendal, I think I had come near to loving him. I had nursed him with care and tenderness, and perhaps because of the terrible dangers through which we had lived, my feelings towards him had changed. Now he was in his own domain; he had come through the siege of Paris, though not entirely unscathed; he suffered certain pain from his leg, I knew; he would never walk as he had before; but all that did not stop him from doing everything that he wanted to. Here, in the background of his Norman castle, he was the barbarian again, the strong ruthless man who, when he felt a wish, let nothing stand in the way of its gratification.

I said to him: “Please understand that I came to see the manuscripts.

If you are not going to show them to me, I shall go. “

“My dear vehement Kate, of course I am going to show you the manuscripts. Then you won’t have to answer my questions truthfully, will you? You should never be afraid to face the truth, you know.”

“It is you who will not face the truth.”

“But I do. I agree with your opinion of me. But you won’t face what it really is. Do you think I don’t know that if I took you now … as I did that night… you would not inwardly rejoice? But I want it to be different now. I want you to come to me willingly. That’s what I’ve set my heart on. I’ve become sentimental. What I want most of all is to marry you.”

“It is easy to make such a proposal,” I reminded him, ‘when you know it is impossible to carry it out. “

“It won’t always be impossible.”

“Why don’t_>ioa face the truth? You are married. Yours is no ordinary marriage because your wife is a Princesse. You married her for her royal blood, remember? But the children did not come and the blue blood can’t be used. That’s not a good enough excuse for annulling a marriage, and she would never agree to it. Therefore how can your proposal to another woman be of any substance at all?”

I saw that cold look in his eyes which made them look like ice.

“You’re wrong, Kate. You accept defeat too easily. I’ll tell you this: one day it will come to pass. “

I was afraid then . afraid of him, as not long ago I had been afraid of his wife.

“Shall I see the manuscripts?” I said as coolly as I could.

“But certainly,” he replied.

We pored over them together. They were fascinating. They had been in the castle for centuries, and he believed they had been presented to the family by a monk who had given up his calling and come out into the world. He had worked at the castle and made the manuscripts while he was there.

“Fifteenth century, would you say?” asked Rollo, “I think they might even be a little earlier. Oh, it would be a wonderful job. My father used to love this kind of work …” I heard my voice tremble a little as I mentioned my father, for I was thinking of how he had found this life so unendurable without his sight that he had decided to leave it. Then my thoughts switched to Marie-Claude who had at one time had the same idea. How cruel life could be sometimes!

Rollo was watching me intently.

“You have such an expressive face,” he said.

“So many emotions flit across it. You are sad now, thinking of your father. My dear Kate, it is your mouth rather than your eyes which betrays you to me. That is why I know that beneath that facade of resentment which you show me, you love me … you really do.”

I looked down at the manuscripts.

“It would be difficult to get the paints I should need to restore them.”

“We can try.”

“It is always difficult at any time. These people mixed their own colours and no artist used the same.”

“We can try together. We can go and visit the artist about whom I told you. He has lived near here since he was a young man. He is a good artist. I found him and brought him here to work for me. He may well have some of the paints you require. You will be occupied and if you are working you will be content and push aside this ridiculous notion that you ought to be somewhere else.”

Then he drew me to him and kissed me gently. I knew that he was right. In spite of everything he was dominating my thoughts. If that was falling in love, then that was what I was doing.

The weeks were slipping past. I was absorbed by the work on the manuscripts, so I was at the castle every morning. While I was working Kendal was taking lessons with William and every day seemed very like another. Spring had come. There was still trouble in Paris, and I was no nearer returning there than I had been when I first arrived here.

It was easier to move about the country now, though, and with the coming of May what was known as the Treaty of Frankfurt was signed.

There was peace at last. The French grumbled about the terms which had been imposed on them, for they had to hand over Alsace and a great part of Lorraine to the Germans as well as paying a huge money indemnity.

Soon, I thought, I shall have to go to Paris.

I wondered what had happened to the house in which we had lived so long.

At the end of May, Rollo did go to Paris to see what it was like there now. Most eagerly did I await his return.

I had had several conversations with Marie-Claude over the weeks, and she really did seem glad that we were there. I think we enlivened the days to a certain extent. She watched me, I knew; and I think it probably gave her an interest to speculate on the relationship between her husband and myself.

Sometimes I caught a certain satisfaction in her face, as though it was amusing that I should be there and that there should be this frustration between Rollo and me.

I was sure that she thought we had been lovers at some time even though she might be a little uncertain as to our relationship now; in any case she was intrigued, and her nature was such that she enjoyed that.

She spent a great deal of time in what she called ‘re sting’.

She liked to think of herself as a semi-invalid. I believed that weakness added an interest to her life. I wondered, too, whether she used it to keep Rollo away. Like so many men of outstandingly good physical health, he would have little sympathy with illness. He had been impatient of his own weakness, and although he had at one time suffered great pain, he had always been reluctant to admit it.

His attitude towards Marie-Claude was one of dislike and contempt, and being the man he was, he took no great pains to hide it.

He came back from Paris with the depressing news that the city was not yet settling down, although it would do so in time. The house had been destroyed with everything in it. Rioters must have set fire to it.

“All part of the whole stupid business,” he said angrily.

So I would have nowhere to go in Paris. Perhaps I should go back to England for a while. I could stay with Clare. I presumed that my letter had not reached her as I still had had no reply.

It was late afternoon of a lovely May day. The boys were playing somewhere in the castle precincts. I had been working all the morning and some of the afternoon on the manuscripts, as it was such a good light. I was in a peaceful frame of mind as I often was after a day’s work, feeling pleasantly tired and immensely satisfied with the work I had done. I had, that afternoon, thought of a new way to get the Venetian red and cobalt blue which I needed. I was looking forward to the next day when I should be able to test my new method.

I had gone outside the Loge for it was a lovely balmy day and I was sitting on the grass near the moat deep in thought when I heard one of the maids calling my name.

I jumped up and went to her.

“Oh Madame Collison, there is a lady come to the castle. She is asking for you.”

I turned. Another maid was coming towards me and with her a woman. I could not believe my eyes.

“Kate!” she cried.

I ran to her and we were in each other’s arms.

“Is it really you, Clare?”

She nodded.

“No doubt of it. I had to see you. It’s been so difficult to get news. But your letter came … at last. it was a long time getting to me, I could see from the date … But it told me where to come, so I didn’t trust another letter. I came.”

We clung together again, laughing, almost crying.

The two maids watched us.

I said: “It’s all right. This is my stepmother.”

The one who had brought her set down her travelling bag inside her and they slipped away together.

“I got a lift from the station in a sort of fly,” said Clare.

“It was hard making myself understood.”

“Has it been a difficult journey?”

We were gazing at each other, talking trivialities because we were too moved for anything else.

“Come into the Loge,” I said.

“This is where we live … temporarily.”

“My dear Kate! Whatever has it been like? I was so worried. I kept telling myself that it was a good thing your father had gone. He would have been half crazy with anxiety.”

“It has been a very difficult time, Clare.” I took her bag in my hand and opened the door of the Loge.

“You see,” I said, ‘it is separate from the castle, but part of it . ”

“And how long have you been here?”

“We came directly after the siege of Paris. We were lucky to get out…”

“Thank God you are safe.”

“Oh yes, we were fortunate. My poor friend Nicole St. Giles you met her—was killed during the bombardment.”

“How dreadful! And … Kendal?”

“Kendal is all right. We suffered a great deal during the siege, as you can imagine. We almost died of starvation.”

“I thought of you constantly. I tried to get in touch, but there was no way of getting communications across the Channel.”

“I know. It was to be expected with France at war. But never mind that now. You’re here, Glare, and I am so glad to see you. Are you hungry?

Can I get you some coffee. The boys are playing together somewhere. ”

The boys? “

“Oh yes … the son of the Baron and the Princesse … William. He and Kendal are good friends.”

“Is it all right for me to be here?”

“But, of course. You can stay at the Loge. There is plenty of room.”

“Are you working here?”

“Yes. I am restoring some manuscripts and I have painted a miniature of William … the boy I was telling you about.”

“The Baron’s son, you say. And he and Kendal get along well together?”

“Oh yes.”

“Did you come straight her from Paris? This chateau is the first place you came to when you first arrived in France … you and your father?”

“Oh yes, we came here. After the siege the Baron brought us back here.”

“What was he doing in Paris?”

“He was there on business. He saved Kendal’s life. You’ve no idea what it was like. You see, the Prussians were bombarding Paris and Kendal would have been crushed to death if the Baron had not been there just at the right moment to protect him from the falling masonry. The Baron was injured and I looked after him , . and then as soon as the siege was over we got out. There was nowhere else for us to go but here. It is difficult to explain …”

“And you met him just by chance in Paris … just at the moment when Kendal was in danger. How wonderful and how exciting that he should happen to have been there.”

“It was a blessing that he was. We might never have go out of Paris if he hadn’t helped us and brought us here. The city got worse after we left. There was fighting and rioting and setting fire to buildings.

The house where we were was destroyed by fire. “

“My poor Kate! I’ve thought of you so much. It’s been so lonely. I promised myself that as soon as it was possible I would get to you. I realized it was no use just writing, and I can’t tell you how wonderful it was to get your letter … although I did receive it long after you had written in.”

“Let me make that coffee,” I said, ‘and then we can talk. “

We did. I found it difficult to explain what had happened and quite clearly she continued to think that it was the oddest coincidence that the Baron should have happened to be on the spot when Kendal was in danger. I guessed how her mind was working. My father had suspected that the Baron was Kendal’s father and it may have been that he had discussed this possibility with Clare. After all, she had been his wife.

I could see that she really believed the Baron had been with me in Paris and that she was carefully wording her questions to avoid embarrassment.

Then I wanted to hear what she had to tell me.

“A very different story from yours, Kate,” she said.

“I have been so lonely since your father … went. It was like the end of everything. We were so fond of each other, right from the first.”

“I know. You were wonderful to him. He told me so. I am so glad you found each other. You were a great comfort to him.”

“Not enough,” she answered. Her lips trembled and there were tears in her eyes.

“I often wonder if I did right. You see, I ought to have made it so that he could be happy … even though he was getting blinder every day. But he couldn’t face it, Kate. His eyes had meant so much to him, even more than they do to most other people. He had always loved looking at things and he saw’ them so much more clearly than most people. You know what I mean because you are the same. He just could not face the future, Kate.”

“No. There was nothing you could have done more than you did. I understand how he felt. His work had been his life. I shall never forget his misery when he first told me. Then after a while I thought that even though he couldn’t do the close work he’d been doing all his life, he would be able to paint… at least for a while.”

“But he was losing his sight completely, Kate. In a few months he would have been totally blind. Oh, I do hope I did the right thing by him. I think of it often. I torment myself, Was there something else I could have done … or left undone?”

“You mustn’t distress yourself, Clare. You did everything for him. You made him happier than he could possibly have been without you.”

“I like to think so. I wake up in the night and tell myself that.”

“Dear Clare, you mustn’t brood on it. Remember the happy times you shared with him. It must have come over him suddenly … like a dark cloud. Oh, I can imagine it. He couldn’t sleep towards the end, could he? That meant he was worried. Then I imagine in a fit of depression he just took the overdose …”

“That was how it happened.”

“You have to forget, Clare.”

She brightened.

“I try to. I want to. Now I must tell you what has happened. He left everything to me, Kate, except the miniatures. Even the house he left to me. He said:

“Kate’s all right. She’ll be able to look after herself. She won’t want to come back to England.” But the miniatures are yours, Kate. I have had them put into the bank for safety. I thought they should be valued too. They are worth a small fortune . even more than your father believed them to be worth. He talked a great deal to me. He said: “If ever she should happen to fall on lean times, she’ll have the miniatures. She could sell them singly, if necessary, and live for two or three years on the price she would get for one of them.” He was a very practical man in some ways, when he was planning for those he loved, for instance. You don’t mind his leaving the house to me, I hope? “

“My dear Clare, I’m glad he did.”

“There wasn’t a lot else. He had saved a little, and you will know that he kept the family going on what his work brought in. He left that little bit to me with the house. It is enough for me to live on, simply, of course.”

“Then you are quite comfortable?”

She nodded.

“I can manage. But what I want to say is that Collison House is your home, Kate. I don’t look on it as my house. It was in your family for years. It’s yours, Kate, as well as mine, and if at any time you wanted to come there… Well, in short, it’ll always be your home as well as mine.”

So we talked, and in time Kendal came running in. He was very interested to see that we had a caller. I explained who Clare was, for he had been too young to remember when she came to Paris.

I was proud because I could see that she thought him a very fine boy.

Jeanne returned. She remembered Clare and I explained that she had come to stay with us for a while. Jeanne was pleased to see her and Clare was very happy to get such a warm welcome from everyone.

Jeanne cooked a meal for us and we all sat round the table talking Kendal being allowed to stay up as it was a special occasion.

There was an extra bedroom in the Loge, so accommodating Clare was an easy matter. Jeanne made up the bed and when I took Clare to her room I kissed her tenderly and told her how pleased I was that she had come.

I said goodnight and left her, but I lay awake a long time that night.

Clare’s coming had made me think of my father and as I mourned him afresh I kept thinking of what state of mind he must have been in when he had decided to take his life.

Then a thought struck me suddenly.

Clare’s coming had brought my solution. I could leave France with her.

I could go back to Collison House and make my life there. And if I could not attract rich sitters, I had a small fortune waiting for me in the miniatures. I knew the value of them now. Some of the sixteenth-century ones mus^ individually, be worth a great deal of money. “

Suppose I sold one . or even two . to give me enough money to set up a studio in London. I did not want to sell any of them, of course, but if it were necessary I must do so.

It was a way out.

Until now I had believed the situation was insoluble. It was no longer so. I no longer had the excuse to stay here for the sake of Kendal because we had nowhere else to go.

We had. Clare’s coming had opened up a way out.

Clare’s arrival caused quite a flurry of excitement at the castle.

When I went over the following morning to work on the manuscripts, a message from the Princesse awaited me. Would I go to her room? She wished to speak to me.

She was lying in bed she never rose very early and was propped up with pillows. A cup of chocolate was by her bed.

"I hear you have a visitor from England,” she said.

“Yes, my stepmother.”

“I did not know you had a stepmother. You didn’t tell me when you came to paint me.”

I was surprised that she should remember so much about me.

“I did not have one at the time,” I explained.

“She married my father afterwards.”

“She is … not an old woman?”

“No, quite young. A few years older than I …”

“She sought you here?”

“Yes, I wrote to her from here soon after I came. I knew she would be anxious about what was happening to me in Paris. My letter took a long time to reach her but she finally received it and instead of writing she decided to come and see me.”

“She sounds … adventurous.”

“Well, I’d hardly say that. But she would go to a great deal of trouble for people she cared about.”

“So she cares much for you?”

“I think so.”

“There is a tradition that stepmothers never like children of the first marriage.”

I laughed.

“Clare is not in the least like the traditional stepmother.

She is more like a sister. She has been a friend of mine from the moment I met her, which was before I came to France. “

“You must allow me to meet her.”

“I will bring her to see you, if I may.”

“This afternoon. I am eager to meet your stepmother.”

“What time would you like me to come?”

“Four o’clock. After I have had my rest.”

“I am sure she will be delighted to meet you.”

“Is she going to stay long?”

“I don’t know. She arrived only yesterday. We had so much to talk about. We hardly stopped all last evening.”

“What of your father? Did he not come with her?”

“My father is dead.”

“Dead? Oh yes, I remember I did hear something of it. He was going blind. Such cruel things happen to people …” She looked melancholy for a moment; then she brightened.

“Yes, bring her to me this afternoon. I want very much to meet her.”

The meeting between the Princesse and Clare was an immediate success.

Clare’s luminous brown eyes were full of compassion and in a very short time the Princesse was telling her other invalidism, which was a subject very dear to her heart.

She explained to Clare that this was not one other good days. I had heard this many times before and although I had expressed sorrow at her indisposition, I had never been able to imply very great sympathy, for I had always felt that she made a fetish of her illnesses and if only she would not concentrate so wholeheartedly on them, she would be much better.

Clare, however, had always had immediate sympathy for lame ducks. She was truly compassionate towards them, and they, sensing her sympathy to be genuine, were drawn towards her.

Thus it was with Clare and the Princesse, and after a very short time Clare was receiving detailed accounts of the Princesse’s afflictions.

Clare admitted that she too had the occasional headache or had done until she had found a miraculous cure. It was a herb concoction which she made herself. She never travelled without it. Perhaps she could persuade the Princesse to try a dose. The Princesse declared that she would be delighted.

“I could hand it in at the castle tomorrow,” said Clare.

“Oh, but you must bring it to me yourself,” was the Princesse’s reply.

Clare said it would give her the greatest pleasure.

“I hope that you will plan to stay here a little while,” said the Princesse, ‘and do not intend to rush away quickly. “

“How kind and hospitable everyone is!” cried Clare.

“I had to come to see how Kate was. I could not bear the suspense any longer. ‘ll is so kind of you to let her stay here … and now to be so welcoming to me.”

“My husband, the Baron, arranged for the occupation of the Loge.”

There was a sharp note in her voice which I believed Clare had noticed.

“Yes. Kate told me how it was … how they came from Paris.” v “They were in a sad state when they arrived here.”

“But completely recovered now,” said Clare, smiling at me.

“They have such good health,” the Princesse sighed. I thought: She is working round to her favourite topic again.

“It would have killed me,” she added.

“Good health is one of the best gifts fate can bestow,” said Clare.

It was small wonder that we all liked Clare. She had the gift of being whatever her companions wished her to be at the time. With my father she had talked art and learned a little about it; with me she discussed my predicament and the best way out of it; and with the Princesse it would have appeared that illness and its remedies were of greater interest to her than anything else.

“You have been a great success with the lady,” I said as we came out of the castle and made our way to the Loge.

“Poor Princesse,” she said.

“She’s a very unhappy woman. That is why she concerns herself so wholeheartedly with her ailments.”

“One would have thought you had given a life time’s study to them this afternoon.”

“Well, she wanted to talk about them. I understand that. She wanted to pour out her troubles. Of course, that’s not the real trouble, is it?

There’s something deeper than that. I don’t think she is very happy . with her Baron. “

“You are a student of human nature, Clare.”

“Perhaps. You see, I like people. I care about them. I like to know why they act as they do. If I can, I like to do something for them.”

“Well, you did something for her this afternoon. I have rarely seen her so animated. She really took to you.”

“I shall visit her if she wants me to, and if she will talk to me and there is anything I can do to help her … I’ll be glad.”

Yes, I thought, Clare loves people. She makes their troubles her own.

That must be why we all like her so much.

I was glad she had come and her coming had brought me the solution which I had been looking for. It was true that at times I wanted to reject it. Clare’s coming had made me realize how very much I wanted to stay here and the reason for that was that I was exhilarated, stimulated and roused often to anger but always excitingly by the Baron. Her coming and the possibility of returning to England with her, of saying goodbye to him forever, had made me face the truth. I should find life desolate without him.

A few days later Rollo came into the room where I was working on the manuscript.

He shut the door and stood leaning against it, smiling at me. I could not stop my heart beating a little faster as it was apt to do when he appeared suddenly.

“I have come to see how the manuscripts are progressing,” he said.

“Quite well in the circumstances. I am leaving this one. I shall never get that shade of red which was used at the time. I do need it.”

He came and leaned over me, kissing the back of my neck. I turned sharply and, standing, faced him. He took me by the shoulders and held me against him.

“Oh, Kate,” he said, ‘this is the most absurd situation.

You’re here. I’m here . and we have to keep up this ridiculous pretence. “

“Pretence of what?”

“That we don’t want to be with each other … that we don’t realize we were meant for each other and no one else is of the slightest interest to us.”

“What a lot of nonsense. I find other people of interest to me.”

“I mean in this particular way.”

“Well, I am coming to a decision. I have been making plans. Ever since Clare came I have been thinking of going away.”

“No!”

“Yes, I shall go soon.”

“I shall not allow it.”

“How will you try to stop it? Put me in a turret and keep me there as your prisoner?”

“Don’t tempt me,” he said.

“You did that once, but you could not do it again.”

“I shall not let you go,” he said firmly.

“You can be sure of that.”

“Let us be sensible. Your life is here. Mine is not.”

“You have been happy … comfortable since we came from Paris.”

“You and the Princesse have been kind and most hospitable.”

“You belong here, Kate. You belong to me.”

“I have no intention of belonging to anyone but myself.”

“I believe that you have given yourself to me. That’s what I meant.”

“Given myself! It was you who took me … against my will.”

“Will you always hold that lapse against me? It is different now.”

“You humiliated me doubly. First by forcing me to submit to your lust and secondly because it was not desire for me that prompted you, but revenge.”

“Ah, I understand so much. It was the second part that angers you. It wouldn’t be like that next time. It would be you … and you only that I was thinking of.”

“Oh, please stop this talk. You make me realize that I should go without delay, as I have been planning.”

“What is that?”

“Go back to England.”

“How would you live? Where would you live?”

“There is an answer to that now. I should go back with Clare to the house where I was born. It is hers now but she has said that it shall be my home for as long as I want it.”

“And what clients would you have there?”

“I could restore manuscripts like this. I could paint miniatures. I am my father’s daughter and many people would want me for that reason.”

“Is Clare rich enough to support you and the boy?”

“No.”

“Then would you not be taking a risk?”

“No. My father had a collection of miniatures. They represent a small fortune and they are mine. They are worth enough to keep me going for years .. ill sold them.”

“And you would sell the family heirlooms?”

“Yes, ill needed the money to live. I could sell them one by one until I could earn enough money. Ill became rich, who knows? in time I might buy them back again.”

He was really shaken. He had always stressed the fact that I must stay here because I had to keep myself and Kendal. Now he saw that there was a way out and he did not like it at all.

“You have told me something about the village. What will they say if you, an unmarried woman, turn up there with a child?”

“Clare has told them that I married and kept my name Collison for professional reasons. Clare thinks of everything. “

“I am beginning to wish she had never come here. Kate, you wouldn’t go. You wouldn’t leave me. You couldn’t. I’d come to England after you. I assure you, I am not going to rest until you and I are lovers again.”

“Again!” I cried.

“We never were.”

“Why don’t we go away from here? Why don’t we have our own house?”

“Like you and Nicole?”

“No, different from that. Nicole and I did not set up house together.”

“You just blatantly announced that she was your maitres se en litre, is that so?”

He did not answer. Then he said: “I love you, Kate. If I were free... ”

“You are not free,” I said quickly.

“You went into this marriage willingly after you had forced yourself on me and given me the child.

Don’t think I regret having him. He makes everything I went through worthwhile. But you didn’t care. Now you are married to the Princesse and I want a good life for Kendal. I don’t think he would have that as son of the Baron’s mistress . the illegitimate son of the Baron.

Your place is here with the Princesse. She is your wife. Don’t forget you are married. As for myself, I shall go back to England. “

“If I could offer you marriage,” he said quietly, ‘what then? To be together. to claim the boy as my own . Oh, Kate, I never wanted anything in my life as much as that. “

“I think you have learned something,” I told him.

“You were always under the impression that you only had to take what you wanted. You forgot there were other people in the world … You forgot that they too might have feelings … desires … Their lives meant nothing to you. They were just there to be used as best suited you. Now you know that other people want to live their lives the way they choose.. not the way you choose for them. I want a settled life for my son. He is my son. you resigned all claim to him when you married the Princesse and didn’t mind what happened to him.”

“That’s not true. I cared very much what happened to him … and to you.”

“You sent your mistress to look after us.”

“Wasn’t that caring?”

“You didn’t come yourself. You delegated another. It was only when you saw the boy and took a fancy to him that you came back into our lives.

Do you think I don’t understand you? You are selfish and arrogant. You suffer acutely from a disease called megalomania. Now you will have to realize that there are other people in the world whose lives mean as much so them as yours does to you. “

“You are trembling,” he said.

“I believe you love me very much.”

“You are ridiculous.”

He took me into his arms then and kissed and went on kissing me. He was right, of course. Whatever this was I felt for him, I did not want to resist. I wanted it to be as it had been all those years ago in the turret bedroom.

Oh, what a betrayal it is when the feelings of one who prides herself on her good sense demand that she act in opposition to everything that she knows is right.

For a few moments I let him hold me I let his fingers caress my neck.

I thought: It is natural, I suppose, for a woman to be aroused by a man like this, one who emanates power, domination . which is I believe in many cases the ultimate in physical attraction.

His lips were on my right ear.

“You’re not going to leave me, Kate. I won’t allow it.”

I drew myself away from him. I knew that I was flushed and that my eyes were shining. He was aware of it, too, and what it meant. I felt angry with him because he was able to understand the truth.

Smiling at me sardonically, he said: “There is the boy, for one thing.”

“What of the boy?”

“Do you think he would go away … willingly?”

“He would have to if I went.”

“You would break his heart.”

“Hearts don’t break. It’s a physical impossibility.”

“Metaphorically speaking.”

“Children get over these things very quickly.”

“I don’t think he would. He knows that I am his father.”

“How could he know such a thing?”

“He asked me.”

“What? Why should he do that?”

“He had overheard the servants talking.”

“I can’t believe it.”

“That servants talk? They do, you know. All the time. Do you think for one moment that they don’t know how things are between us? Do you think they can’t see the affinity between Kendal and myself?”

“What did you say to him?”

“I couldn’t lie, could I? To my own son.”

“Oh! How could you!”

“Believe me, he is delighted. He climbed up on me. I was sitting at the time and do you know, he put his arms round my neck and hugged me.

He kept shouting: “I knew it was true. I knew it.” I asked him if he was pleased with his father, and he said he wouldn’t ever want another father. I was the one. He had chosen me from the moment he saw me.

There! What do you think of that? “

“Oh, you shouldn’t have told him.”

“Should I have lied? Why should he not know the truth? He’s happy. He said: ” Then if you are my father, this castle is really my home. ” Oh, he’s one of us. No doubt of that.”

“One of the glorious Norman conquerors, you mean?”

“Exactly. And now you see, Kate, why it is impossible for you to take him away.”

“I don’t see that at all. I think that if the servants are talking there is all the more reason why I should go away. I want Kendal to go to school in England.”

“He can do that from here when the time comes. We’ll take him over to his school. We’ll go and get him when school holidays come round.

There is nothing in our way. “

“As I see it, there is everything. You have made up my mind for me. I shall tell Clare that we must get ready to go at once. We can’t stay here any longer.”

“What of your work here?”

“You know you have only given it to me so that I shall have something to do. If I don’t finish the manuscripts, someone else will. Yes, I see it clearly now. We must go. Now that you have told Kendal you are his father, I see it is impossible for us to remain.”

I wanted to get away, to think. He had shocked me deeply. I knew that Kendal would now be asking all sorts of questions. I must have the right answers ready.

He had done it purposely. He had deliberately told the boy.

I tried to brush past him, but he caught me by the shoulders.

“Kate,” he said, ‘what are you going to do? “

“Get away … to think … to make plans.”

“Wait a while. Give me time.”

“Time … time for what?”

“I will think of something. Something is going to happen … I promise you. Don’t do anything rash. Give me a little more time.”

Then he had me in his arms again. He held me to him. I wanted to stay there . just like that. The thought of going away was unbearable.

And as we stood there, I heard a movement. The door was opening.

We broke away guiltily as Clare came into the room.

“Oh!” She gave a little exclamation. I noticed the uneasy look in her large brown eyes.

“I thought you were alone here, Kate …”

The Baron bowed.

She acknowledged his greeting and went on: “I only wanted to say, would you mind if we ate a little earlier today as the boys want to get out into the woods. It’s some new game, I think. One goes off ahead of the other and leaves a trail …”

We were not concentrating on what she was saying. Nor was she. She must have seen our embrace and it had upset her. She hated conflict of any sort and I knew she would be deeply disturbed at the thought of my conducting a love-affair with the Baron while his wife was on her invalid’s couch in another part of the castle.

She did not mention what she had seen and I said nothing to her immediately about my decision to go back with her. She was visiting the castle every day and her friendship with the Princesse was growing fast. If she did not go to the castle a message would come to the Loge asking if she was well and if so would she come at once.

I knew what it was-that special brand of sympathy. As I have said, the Princesse, who revelled in self-pity, would find the ideal listener in Clare. It had always been like that. I remembered poor little Faith Camborne who had been so devoted to Clare. I was not surprised that the Princesse found in her the ideal companion. I suppose there are few people in the world who want to listen to other people’s troubles all the time. But Clare was one who could do this admirably. She scarcely ever mentioned herself and had always had the gift of making other people’s troubles hers.

I remembered how my father had written of her, telling me how much she had done for him. Clare was indeed a rare person.

It was afternoon-three or four days after she had surprised Rollo and me together. I had said nothing to her yet, but I was making plans in my own mind. I must admit I kept postponing them, making excuses to myself why I could not put them into action immediately. I wanted to work everything out very thoroughly, I told myself. I wanted to imagine going back to Collison House . living there . finding a niche in that country life where one’s neighbours knew most of one’s business. It seemed that they did here too; but that somehow was different. The Baron was here to protect me. I suppressed that thought as soon as it came. Could I do it? I had money which I had earned in Paris. I had enough to get me to England and to last me for about a year while I put out feelers. And at the back of my mind was the thought of the security that collection of miniatures had brought me.

I need not worry financially and that had been the main cause of my anxiety.

Jeanne had gone into the nearby village to shop and taken the dog-cart with her. It belonged to the castle, of course, but we had been given permission to use it.

The fact that both she and the boys were out gave me an opportunity to talk to Clare.

I knew that she wanted to say something to me and did not quite know how to begin.

I said: “Are you seeing the Princesse this afternoon?”

“Yes. She expects me.”

“You and she have become great friends in a very short time.”

“I am sorry for her. She is really a very unhappy woman.”

“Oh, Clare, it is your mission in life to look after people, I know.

But I do think if she tried to rouse herself. “

“Yes, but her inability to do so is part of her illness. She can’t rouse herself. If she could …”

“She could if she tried. She does ride now and then. I have ridden with her.”

“Yes,” said Clare.

“She has taken me to that favourite spot others.

There again, her fancy for that is morbid. She told me that once she contemplated throwing herself over the Peak. “

“I know. She told me, too. How much has she told you, Clare?”

“She talks all the time … of’ the past mostly. Of the wonderful time she had in Paris. I know that she had a lover and that poor little William is not the Baron’s child.” || “She has told you her whole life story, it seems.”

“I’m sorry for her. I do what I can to help. But there is so little one can do, but sit and listen and show sympathy.”

“Can’t you make her interested in something?”

“She is interested only in herself. Oh, Kate, I am worried. I’m worried mainly about you and your involvement in all this.”

I was silent and she went on: “We have to talk. It’s no use pretending things are not what they are. Kendal is the Baron’s son, isn’t he?”

I nodded.

“He must have been born about the same time as William was.”

“There is little difference in their ages.”

“Even when the Baron was about to be married, you … and he …”

I just could not bear the reproach in her eyes.

“Of course,” she went on, “I suppose he would be considered a very attractive man … to some people. All that power … all that masculinity …”

I interrupted her.

“Clare, it was not as you think. I was going to marry a distant cousin of his and the Baron had a mistress. He was fond of her and wanted her settled. He wanted my fiance to marry her. My fiance said he would not marry the Baron’s mistress. So the Baron… oh, I know this sounds crazy to you, coming from home where everything is so different. But these things do happen, and they happened here. He abducted me, kept me a prisoner, and forced me to submit to him.”

Clare gave a cry of horror.

“Oh no!” she said.

“Oh yes. The result was Kendal.”

“Oh, Kate. And you could love a man like that!”

“Love him?” I said.

“We are not talking of love.”

“But you do love him … now … don’t you?”

I was silent.

“Oh dear,” she went on.

“I am so sorry. I just did not understand.”

I told her how he had sent Nicole to look after me, how he had saved Kendal’s life and brought us out of Paris.

She said: “He is a strong man.” She lifted her shoulders.

“I begin to understand … a little. But he is married to the Princesse. She hates him, Kate. He wants to marry you, doesn’t he?”

I remained silent.

Then she went on: “But he can’t because of the Princesse. Kate, you must not become his mistress. That would be wrong … very wrong.”

“I am thinking of going home,” I said.

“I have been wanting to talk to you about that for some time.”

“The Princesse told me that he had demanded that she divorce him.”

“When?”

“A few days ago. She won’t, Kate. She is adamant about that. I haven’t seen her so alive … ever before. At last she has a chance to take her revenge … and she is going to take it. She knows that you and he have been lovers. She knows that Kendal is his son. He makes that clear enough. He dotes on the boy. And then, the way he ignores poor William. It’s all very obvious … and very sad. He is a cruel man in some ways.”

“You see, I must go back to England with you. I wanted to talk to you about that.”

“We will go whenever you say.”

“It will be so strange to be back at Collison House.”

“It was your home for a long time.”

“Kendal will hate it. He loves the castle. He loves the Baron.”

“Children get over these things quickly.”

“I wonder if Kendall will.”

“It’s the best way, Kate. In fact it is the only way.”

“You are so understanding, Clare.”

“Well, my life has been very quiet really. I looked after my mother until she died and then I came to you … Nothing much had happened to me until I married your father. Who would ever have thought I should marry! I was very happy. It was terrible what happened.”

“You did everything for him. You made him so happy.”

“Yes. It seems to me that I have always lived other people’s lives. I looked after him. His life was mine. And now there is you, Kate. You are his daughter and it is what he would want me to do. I want to take you out of this situation which is becoming more and more intolerable.

I feel it is going to blow up into a big storm and I’m afraid for you. ”

“Oh Clare, I’m so glad you came. You have offered me the way out.”

“But you don’t want to take it, Kate.”

“I have to take it. I see with you that it is the only way.”

We sat for some time without speaking. Then she went off to pay the promised visit to the Princesse.