“But you know, if you don’t think I should be out of the office that long—”
“Nonsense,” Bill said. “I think it’s a great idea. They obviously like and trust you or they wouldn’t have invited you along.” He stared at Shayla. She’d snagged his attention upon arriving at the office that morning, wanting to get it out of the way as soon as possible. “You’re a big girl. You don’t need me to make your decisions for you. As your boss, I’m fine with you taking the day to go with them. If you’re looking for a reason not to go, that’s on your shoulders.”
Shayla swallowed. In the sober light of day, that was exactly what she was looking for. The journalist in her rationalized spending a day candidly talking with the women would likely bring insights for several articles.
Some deep part of her hesitated. She knew her dreams the night before played no small role in her newfound reticence.
Her alarm had awakened her just as her dream-self began to scream with pleasure, and she wondered as disorientation faded if she’d actually started to climax in her sleep.
The fact that she’d discovered her panties were soaked contributed to that possibility.
The dream unsettled her on a number of levels. That she’d yearned for the freedom to let go to someone she trusted with her health and safety. That she felt viscerally attracted to the hard edge in the man’s green eyes as he pointed at the floor and she sank to her knees.
That her heart raced at the feel of a heavy leather collar being buckled around her throat.
Unfortunately, the dream wouldn’t vanish by the time she finished her first cup of coffee, as most of her dreams usually did. This dream tenaciously hung on, solidifying in her mind the more she tried not to think about it.
“Shay?”
Bill Melling stared at her from the other side of his desk.
“Oh, sorry.”
“You look lost.”
She slowly nodded. “I’m beginning to feel a little that way.”
“The offer to reassign is still open.”
Despite her dreams the night before, she shook her head. “No. I’m going to see this through to the end. They’re nice people who’ve agreed to open up to me and share an intimate part of their lives. I’d rather not pawn it off on someone else at this point.”
He smiled. “Then have a good day tomorrow.”
Shayla returned to her desk and texted Loren. Within a minute, she had a reply text from Loren with the time and address.
Accompanied by a smiley face.
Dream Tony returned to her that night. She knelt on the floor at his feet as he buckled a black leather collar around her neck and snapped a leash to it.
“Come.”
Without hesitation, she crawled on all fours behind him, feeling her pussy tingling with anticipation at what was to come.
Hopefully, her.
He led her to a bench like the one at the club and bound her to it, hand and foot. A blindfold slipped over her eyes.
As her pulse spiked, she felt a hand between her legs, fingers unerringly finding and stroking her clit, working harder, faster.
“Why don’t you come for me?” he whispered into her ear.
The fingers wouldn’t stop, relentlessly pushing her toward the edge of climax until, finally, her body arched…
And she awoke to find her hand buried inside her panties as the last vestiges of her orgasm waned.
Gasping for breath, she tried to swim out of the hold of sleep on her system. As what happened finally sank home, she let out a harsh laugh. It was still four o’clock in the morning and she suspected she wouldn’t get back to sleep.
Damn, I need to get laid.
After her restless night, Shayla was anxious for a distraction. Any distraction. She was grateful for the chance to spend the day with the women. They met at Loren’s house before piling into Tilly’s SUV to make the trek north to Pinellas County, where Clarisse lived.
Shayla, sitting in the backseat with Loren, had a chance to get to see some of her adopted state as they headed north on I-75. When they reached the Sunshine Skyway Bridge, Shayla sucked in a breath. “Wow. That’s beautiful.”
“Want me to pull over for a minute?” Tilly asked. “There are rest stops at either end. Great views.”
“No, that’s okay.” The waters of the Gulf of Mexico and Tampa Bay met at the bridge. Today the wind was low, the water looking nearly glassy except for low rollers and the occasional boat wake breaking the surface.
“You’ve never been here before?” Loren asked.
“No. First time I’d ever been to Florida was when I came down to interview for the job in person. And then I was too busy, between that and finding an apartment, to do any sightseeing.”
“Why did you decide to move to Florida?” Leah asked.
Why indeed? Hell, these women had been more than open with her. She suspected they would hold her confidence if anyone could.
Not to mention she’d seen them naked and vulnerable.
“Well, and I’d appreciate if this didn’t get spread around, but I needed a fresh start.” She took a deep breath and spilled the story, surprised at how relieved she felt at the end of the telling.
“You’re a better woman than I am,” Loren said. “I would have had his ass put under the jail.”
Shayla shrugged. “That wouldn’t have gotten me anywhere except saddled with the apartment and utilities and a long fight to get the credit card companies to forgive the debt and go after him. Where I am now, my monthly bills are nearly fifty percent cheaper, there’s no state income tax, he has paid back some of what he owes me, and I don’t have to worry about him showing up at my front door.”
“Well, there is that,” Tilly agreed. “Can’t say’s I blame you there.”
“What’d your parents say when you told them?” Loren asked.
“They were supportive. My dad wanted to go beat him up and wring his neck.”
“I like him,” Tilly snarked.
Shayla smiled. “Fortunately, they were safely up in Minneapolis and not in Cleveland. So James’ neck was safe. They didn’t like that I wanted to move all the way to Florida, but they did support me when I convinced them it was the best thing for my mental health.”
“How do you like Florida so far?” Leah asked.
“It’s different. Good different,” she added.
“Why the hell would he pay for porn?” Tilly pondered.
Leah looked at her. “Seriously, Til? That’s your question?”
Tilly shrugged. “Guy’s got to be pretty damn stupid to pay that much for porn when so much of it is readily available for free.” She glanced in the rearview mirror and made eye contact with Shayla. “I mean, yes, obviously it’s pretty shitty for him to rob you like that in the first place. But to me, that just piles stupidity onto his criminal asshattery.”
Shayla laughed. “I hadn’t thought about it like that. I guess you’re right. And I appreciate you letting me talk about this. All my friends and most of his wanted to kill him when they found out what he did. It’s nice to be able to just talk about it. I lost a couple of friends when I took him back the first time. I hadn’t told all of them what he’d done, just a few. They told me I was an idiot to forgive him then. I guess they were right. But I loved him. I didn’t think he’d do it again. I definitely didn’t think he’d rip me off the way he did. I didn’t know how badly he’d destroyed his credit the first time around.”
“Love makes us do things against our better judgment sometimes,” Tilly said. “And we all do stupid, silly stuff in our lives in the name of love. And, eh, not to sound like a bitch, but you might want to get tested for STDs in case he’s lying about more than you know.”
“Oh, believe me, I already did that. I did that before I left Cleveland,” she said, remembering the humiliation she felt having to ask her doctor for the tests.
“Good. I mean, not good that you had to get it done, but good they were negative.”
Shayla smiled. “I know what you meant.”
Clarisse and her men lived in a small, upscale private gated community on a bayou in Tarpon Springs. When Shayla got out of the car and stared up at the large stilt home, she realized just how tiny her apartment was in comparison.
Their master bedroom is probably bigger than my apartment.
Tilly led the way upstairs, where Clarisse greeted them with smiles and hugs. “Ready for brunch?” Tilly asked her.
Clarisse patted her stomach. “The morning sickness has settled, so that’s a huge yes.” A tiny Yorkie ran into the foyer, where he screeched to a halt before he began barking.
“Bart! That’s not nice.” Clarisse scooped him up, quieting him immediately. “Sorry. He thinks he’s lord and master of the place and we humans are here to serve him.”
“Has he stolen any more butt plugs?” Tilly asked.
Shayla laughed. “What?”
Clarisse rolled her eyes. “We’ve lost more butt plugs to this little dog than I think we’ve even owned.” She set him back on the floor. “He’s a klepto. Don’t worry, he only steals clean ones. But I’m seriously beginning to wonder if some of our friends aren’t bringing butt plugs with them and sneaking them to him as a joke. I’ve found butt plugs stashed in his bed that I know we didn’t buy.” She directed her next comment to Shayla. “He likes them as chew toys.”
“He’s Dom dog,” Tilly joked.
Leah joined Shayla and Loren in the backseat, while Clarisse took the front passenger seat. She gave Tilly directions to a restaurant on the Sponge Docks. Shayla couldn’t help feeling like a tourist as she tried to take everything in.
“Don’t worry,” Clarisse told her. “We’ll take a stroll up and down the main street to walk off the meal.”
The restaurant wasn’t very crowded due to it being early in the day before the lunchtime crowd arrived. They were seated at a large, round table in the back of the restaurant.
Clarisse hungrily eyed the menu. “I think I need one of each.”
Leah laughed. “Are your guys harping on you to eat healthy?”
She laughed. “Are you kidding? They’re close to tossing food at me to keep me happy. Apparently I’ve had a few tiny mood swings, as Mac called them.”
“Where are they this morning?” Shayla asked.
“They departed early to go look at nursery furniture. They’re researching everything. You’ve never seen two men so obsessed with making sure everything is perfect and safe.”
“They’re not giving you a say in it?”
“Oh, they will, once they narrow their choices down. Nothing but the best, as far as they’re concerned. They won’t let me look at price tags because they know I’ll want to go for the cheap end of the scale.” Clarisse put down her menu. “I spent a lot of years scrimping and saving before I met my guys. Old habits die hard.”
“How did you meet them?”
Clarisse smiled. “I was a stowaway.”
“What?”
“Yep. I was on the run from my ex. He beat the crap out of me, and I was convinced he was going to kill me. I thought my uncle still owned the boat, so I hid out there.”
Shayla managed to stifle a shudder. At least James hadn’t beaten her. Then again, she suspected if he had, she would have left him the first time it happened.
At least, she hoped she would have.
“I thought Landry was going to cry when I made him sell his McLaren,” Tilly said. She looked at Shayla. “It was a ridiculously expensive Mercedes that he owned before I met him.”
“Why’d you make him sell it?” she asked.
“Because it made me nervous. It was worth several times over more than my house, and the insurance on it was outrageous. It had to stay parked in the garage because I was freaked out a bird might poop on it. I countered with the fact that if he was willing to send Cris packing on my say-so, then selling a car should be no big deal.” She grinned. “He finally did sell it. Besides, it wasn’t practical for the three of us. I told him if he wanted a substitute penis, he could buy a friggin’ strap-on and ditch the fancy car. I did let him buy a Mercedes SUV though. At least the insurance was reasonable.”
“So how did you get involved with Landry and Cris?” Shayla asked. “Tony said you were a pro Domme. Is that how you met them?”
Tilly nodded. “In a way. You sure you want to hear the full story?”
“If you want to tell it.”
Tilly played with her straw for a moment with a faraway look in her eyes. “I’m not real proud of myself for some of the things I did,” she eventually said. She met Shayla’s gaze. “You know what it’s like to be hurt by someone you thought you could trust with your life.”
Shayla’s heart pounded, her throat going dry. She nodded.
A sad smile crossed Tilly’s face. “Then you might understand some of what I’m about to tell you.” She stirred her tea for a moment. The pensive look on her face told Shayla she was trying to gather her thoughts. Loren, Leah, and Clarisse didn’t speak.
Finally, Tilly continued. “I was Cris’ slave,” she softly said. “I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. He’s the man I would have considered marrying if he’d asked me. He helped me through a lot of emotional pain and scars that I’ve carried since I was a kid. I would have died for him to save his life.”
The faraway look returned. “Then, poof, one day he disappeared. He left me a note and a bunch of paperwork signing everything over to me. Said he had to leave and couldn’t tell me why, and he was sorry, but he had to release me.”
Tilly’s jaw tightened and she nodded toward Loren. “If it wasn’t for her and Ross, I don’t know what I would have done. I fell apart. Literally. They had to hospitalize me for a couple of days. When I finally got my head out of my ass, I decided never again. Never again would I open myself up like that.”
She stirred her tea some more without drinking any, the straw and ice making slow rounds in the glass. “I finished nursing school.”
“How did the pro Domme gig happen?”
“Well, it paid a lot better than being a nurse. I sort of fell into doing it. I was helping a friend out one night, and it went from there. Someone said I should start charging for it, and I did it to help pay the bills. Eventually, even though I was only taking pro Domme jobs on my off days, I was making twice the money doing that as I was as a nurse.” She smiled. “No sex. That was a hard and fast rule.”
Tilly focused on the glass and the slow revolutions of the ice inside. “After a couple of years I realized how dead I felt inside. One of my clients and I went out on a vanilla date and I realized how lonely I was. I hadn’t dated anyone since Cris left. Hadn’t slept with anyone. I was a vicious bitch. It was how I protected myself. My heart hurt too bad, felt too raw. I spent years after Cris left wondering why I wasn’t good enough for him to stay. Or if he’d lied about how he felt for me. You name it, I thought it.
“Then in walks this guy one night while I’m at the club with the client I went out on a date with. He wanted to talk to me about training his male slave. We met a couple of days later to talk, and he tells me he’s got cancer and wants to make sure his slave will be able to respond to another owner.”
“Landry?”
Tilly nodded as she met Shayla’s gaze again. “He shows up at my house with his slave for the evaluation session. I don’t see the guy’s face at first because his hair was long and he kept his head down and turned away from me. Then Landry spills the rest of the story. That his slave was someone else’s Master. That when Landry was in a wreck a few years before and nearly died, they discovered his cancer and the slave came back to him. But the slave left behind a slave of his own. Abandoned her.”
“Hell!”
Tilly nodded. “Yep. I tell you what, I could barely breathe as he told me the story. Then he makes this crazy proposal to me, literally. To marry him and help him through his cancer treatments, and he’d pay me well for doing it. And if he died, I inherited everything.” She smiled. “That’s when I found out he was a multi-millionaire.”
Shayla didn’t know what to say, so she just nodded.
“Then Landry said he’d be back at the end of the hour session and walked out, leaving his slave behind.”
“How’d that go?”
“Not well. At first Cris didn’t even want to look at me.” Her face reddened and she looked back down at her glass of tea. “I screamed at him. Beat the crap out of him. Wanted to kill him. But I agreed to Landry’s crazy scheme and somewhere along the way, I fell in love with Landry.”
“How do you live with a guy who hurt you like that?”
She shrugged. “Landry told me if I said the word that he’d order Cris gone.” She snapped her fingers. “Like that.”
“Why didn’t you?”
She finally sipped her tea. “I couldn’t. He loved Landry, and Landry loved him. And deep down inside me, I still loved him, too. Like I said, I’m not proud of some of the things me and Landry put Cris through in the beginning. I did it out of pain and anger. Landry did it just because he’s a sadist, but that’s still no excuse.” She sighed. “Fortunately, I was able to forgive Cris and move on.”
“But how do you ever trust Cris?”
Tilly slowly nodded. “I don’t. Not like I used to. Not in the same ways. Forgiving him was for me, for my sanity, not for his sake. He did beg for my forgiveness. And I love him. I never stopped loving him, even through the pain.”
“I can’t reconcile that,” Shayla admitted.
Tilly put down her glass and stared at it for a few moments. “I’ll never have the same trust bond with Cris that I used to have,” she said. “Ever. Not possible. But over the past couple of years, as I’ve healed I’ve formed a new trust bond with him. During the rough times with Landry’s treatment, we learned to lean on each other. To work as a team. No, he’s not my Master. He’ll never be my Master again, unfortunately. But I love him and to be honest, once I knew the full story and calmed down and got some perspective, the slave part of me understood why he did what he did, and respected him for it.”
“I’m not trying to be disrespectful by asking this, but how can you respect a man who abandoned you like that?”
“Because yes, he did love me. He had some misconceptions, that if he revealed the truth to me about Landry, I wouldn’t respect him anymore and couldn’t deal with him being someone else’s slave. Not saying I agreed with him for doing it, but on the back side of it, I understood.”
“You didn’t know about Landry when you were with Cris the first time?”
She shook her head. “He didn’t talk about that part of his past. I knew he had a rough family history. So did I, so I could understand why he didn’t want to talk about stuff. He never lied to me about Landry. He just never told me about him.”
“How did Cris feel about you marrying Landry?”
She shrugged. “He’s Landry’s slave. He had no choice in the matter. Landry gave him two options—stay or go. And since Cris stayed, it meant he wouldn’t oppose or resent the marriage. He loves Landry, and he loves me. All he cares about is the people he loves are happy. I’m just glad he put up with me in über-bitch mode for a while until I got it out of my system.”
“That must have been hard on you, helping Landry through his treatments and dealing with Cris.”
“You have no idea. It was hard dealing with my friends, too.”
“Why?”
Loren snorted. “Most of us wanted to castrate Cris with our bare hands. When we found out he was back in her life, we thought she’d lost her mind.”
Tilly smiled. “I think it was harder on them seeing Cris come back than it was me. I took my retribution in private.” Her smile faded. “And looking back, like I said, I’m not proud of everything I did. But it’s what I needed to do to be able to put it behind me and move on. And now the three of us are happy together in our weird little way. What’s past is past. We have today and the future together, and I won’t waste it. Life’s too damn short and way too precious for that.”
“Amen,” Leah softly said as she raised her glass in a toast before taking a sip.
Shayla thought about watching Tilly scene with Landry the previous weekend. “What do you consider Landry then? Besides your husband?”
She shrugged. “Neither of them are my Master or Owner or any other term like that. I choose when I want to submit to Landry. I’d say our default mode is more of a Daddy Dominant kind of dynamic, although I don’t consider myself a little. I also don’t consider him my Dominant. I’m a switch. When I need to, I can…let go to him. But he doesn’t order me around or expect my service, if that makes sense?”
Shayla nodded.
“When I need a little more structure as a mental break, he slips into a dominant role with me. Usually in bed or in play, not as an everyday thing the way he is a Master and Owner to Cris.”
“What about Cris and you?”
Her gaze returned to her glass of iced tea. “I don’t top him. I…just can’t. I can’t bring myself to do it. Sometimes in bed I let him get toppy with me, but not as a scene. I can count on him in ways that both fulfill his need to be of service as a slave, and his need to take care of me like a Dominant might, and my need to be taken care of without bringing a D/s dynamic into it. Make sense?”
Shayla pulled her glasses off and rubbed her eyes. “Not really, no.”
Leah laughed. “Don’t worry. We’ve known them for years and it still throws the rest of us off at times. Labels don’t work with them. We don’t expect you to understand it all in one lunch.”
Clarisse snorted. “I guess I have it easy. I’m submissive to both my guys. Mac’s the switchy one, although Sully lets Mac get toppy with him on the boat. As long as I keep saying, ‘Yes, Sir,’ everything’s good.”
Leah jumped in to change the subject. Sort of. “I saw you’re coming to our shibari class on Saturday.”
“Yes. And the Whips for Fun class before that.”
“Oh! Tony teaches that.”
“That’s what he said Saturday night.”
“Busy day,” Leah said. “Will you stay for the play session later? Come to dinner with us.”
“Sure. Why not? Not like I have any other plans.”
“Watch out,” Clarisse playfully warned. “This is how we suck you in to the dark side. With rope and whips.”
“And good cookies,” Tilly added.