The Denim Dom

Chapter Twenty-Five

Eight weeks seemed to fly by. It felt like Tony had always been in her life, and she refused to contemplate a future where he wasn’t.

But he hadn’t mentioned changing their arrangement, so she didn’t want to rock the boat. She had dropped a few hints here and there over the past couple of weeks, but she didn’t know if he was just being a typical guy and not picking up on them…

Or maybe he didn’t want to extend things.

Either way, she’d decided just to let things play out.

He picked her up at seven to go to dinner with everyone before they headed to the club. She noticed at one point during dinner he seemed a little quiet, deep in thought. “Are you all right, Sir?” she softly asked.

He smiled, but it looked sad. “Sorry. Preoccupied. Can’t quite get myself out of work mode today. Early flight to Denver tomorrow.”

“Oh, that’s right. Your trip.” With every article she’d written, the e-mail response and web hits increased to the point it felt like her entire world revolved around BDSM both professionally and privately.

Not that she minded.

“Two weeks of hell,” he said with a smile. “I have a feeling I’ll make a few enemies while I’m out there. My staff in Bradenton is used to my management style. I want stuff done the way I say it, when I say I want it done. I don’t feel like spending more than two weeks out there because someone gets butthurt over me wanting them to work as hard as I do.”

She giggled. “Here’s my shocked face.” She made an O with her mouth.

That finally got a genuine smile out of him. “Keep it up, pet. I haven’t put you over the bench yet tonight.”

“Maybe that’s what I’m hoping for, Sir.”

Later, at the club, he took his time with their scene. He ramped her up with pain and pleasure several times, pushing her to her limits, making her cry and sob and plead for more until a final crescendo of cane strokes across her ass. After that, he used the rabbit on her and kept her coming until she wasn’t sure she could take anymore when he finally stopped.

With Shayla wrapped in a blanket and curled in his lap on the sofa, he kept his fingers laced through hers.

I love him.

He’d be gone two weeks, though. She didn’t want to just dump her feelings on him as he was leaving town for a brutal business trip. She didn’t want him to think she’d morphed into one of the clingy drama llamas he despised. She’d wait until he got back, make him a nice dinner, and then tell him. It would be a long two weeks waiting for his return, but then, hopefully, they could write a whole new chapter in their relationship.

She was, however, determined to make one request before he left on his trip. One she hoped he’d take her up on.

Shayla’s body flew high on endorphins, still deep in subspace as Tony drove her home a few hours later. She hoped tonight to ask him to take that one last step, to rid their dynamic of that one final barrier.

She wanted him to own her. Fully, completely, utterly. Wanted to feel his cock, flesh and blood, fucking her.

When they arrived at her apartment, he took her keys from her and let them in, closing the door behind them. “Here you go,” he said, putting them back in her hand.

She didn’t understand his sad smile. “Thank you, Sir.”

“You don’t have to call me that anymore if you don’t want to, Shay.”

She blinked at his use of her name. “What?”

Before she realized what he was doing, he’d unbuckled her collar and removed it from her neck. Her hand went to her throat, where the cool air brushed against her flesh where seconds earlier the warm leather had cradled her throat like a hand.

His hand.

He cocked his head. “Shay, our time’s up. It’s the thirty-first. Remember?”

“What?”

He gently cradled her chin with his hand. “You said you wanted our contract to end tonight. That’s why I rearranged my schedule so I didn’t go out of town until tomorrow. I wanted to be able to take you out to the club one more time.” His thumb gently stroked her jaw before he released her and stepped back, the collar in his other hand.

She couldn’t process this. “But…” She tried to breathe because even that had become difficult. This wasn’t how she’d planned to end their evening!

“I’m sorry I can’t stay late tonight. I have to get up at five to make it to Tampa in time for my flight today. Like I told you, we start installs at the new Denver data center early Monday morning. And I still have to pack. Are you all right?”

No! Her brain screamed it over and over again, but she found herself nodding a little. She would be a good girl for him.

She would show him what a good pet she could be.

He’d have more than enough on his plate. She didn’t want him to have to worry about her.

He reached out again and palmed her cheek. “Thank you,” he softly said. “This has been a wonderful experience. Thank you for placing your trust in me.” He leaned in and kissed her forehead. “I’m going to miss you while I’m out there.”

Her breath came in short, hitching gasps she knew would end up full-blown sobs if she didn’t get herself under control and fast. That wasn’t the way she wanted to leave things. “Thank you,” she whispered.

Don’t you want me? Don’t you need me?

Don’t you love me?

Involuntarily, she leaned into his touch even as he withdrew his hand and stepped back toward the door. “Go on to bed,” he softly said. “Get some rest. I’ll try to be in touch with you this week, but I’m going to be slammed and I doubt I’ll have cell reception inside the data center building there anyway. I likely won’t have many chances to talk while I’m gone.”

She nodded a little, unable to move, barely able to breathe.

That smile. That sweet, damn smile of his. “Lock the door after me, Shay.”

Before she could process that, he slipped out, closing the door behind him. She realized she was still clutching at her bare throat with her hand as her feet carried her forward. This was not how she’d thought their evening would end.

Far from it.

Finally releasing her throat, she reached out and snapped the deadbolt shut.

Feeling as if her very soul had been ripped from her, she turned and headed toward the bedroom.

Tony forced himself to get in the car and start it. It wasn’t until he reached the main gate of her complex that he stopped and pressed his forehead against the steering wheel. He took several deep breaths to steady himself.

Still warm from being wrapped around her flesh all night, her collar lay in his lap. He fingered it, something in his heart feeling unraveled and frayed at the thought of her not wearing it.

He’d thought about broaching the subject of them having a real relationship now that their agreement was over, but she hadn’t said anything about it.

She’s a big girl. She spoke up when she wanted to add oral to the arrangement, I’m sure she’d speak up now if she wanted to keep things going. I refuse to take advantage of her. Especially when she’s still deep in subspace. If she wants a relationship, she’s going to have to ask for it and tell me that’s what she wants. I won’t be a douche and take advantage of her when she’s like this.

“Fuck.” Once he returned from his trip and could think about something other than work, he’d ask her to sit down to talk with him. See if there was any chance for them as a couple. Tonight, as tired and rushed for time as he was, it wasn’t the right time to talk about it. Especially when she was in no headspace to have such a conversation.

He’d promised he wouldn’t change the rules on her, wouldn’t renegotiate on the fly. Considering how he’d narrowly avoided destroying her trust in him with the letter-reading incident, he wasn’t about to do something in the heat of the moment that would kill her trust in him and drive her away.

I won’t be a douche.

Not to mention, since she hadn’t asked him about it before now, he wasn’t sure he wanted to face the very real possibility of getting shot down right before what would already be a grueling couple of weeks working out of town.

He laid the collar on the passenger seat and headed out toward I-75 to go home.

He didn’t sleep at all. After packing, he tried to lie down for a nap and gave up. Sleep wouldn’t come. All he could see were Shay’s hazel eyes and the lost look on her face when he uncollared her.

She hadn’t protested, though. She hadn’t asked him not to.

She didn’t beg him to stay, or to at least talk about it.

She didn’t ask him to extend their time together. He would have gladly and readily agreed to that without further discussion. It would have bought him more time with her.

It’s not like she doesn’t know how to ask for what she wants. His mind refused to release that point, chewing on it. She’d asked to include oral sex as part of their agreement. That was a pretty big step. If she’d wanted more from him, surely she would have asked for it before now.

His thoughts kept returning to that, that she could have asked.

That he wished she’d asked.

That he wished she’d told him she loved him, the way he knew he loved her.

If she doesn’t want to end things, we can talk about it when I get back. I’d rather sit down and have a long talk with her than rush it and fuck it up.

She’s worth waiting for, if it’s really meant to be. It’s only two weeks.

He forced it out of his mind as he drove to Tampa and parked in the airport’s long-term parking lot. As he stood in line to board his flight to Denver, he fingered his cell phone.

Maybe I should text her.

But she would likely be asleep until later in the afternoon. Then there was the fact that he would have to hit the ground running and head over to the construction site as soon as he got a rental car to find the manager. They were going to meet to go over the next day’s schedule.

With a sigh he turned off his phone and slipped it into his pocket. I’ll text her later.

Shayla stretched out on her bed and cried herself to sleep after Tony left. In the morning, with a throbbing headache and a sick stomach, she curled into a ball and stared at the clock. 11:17 in the morning.

He’s in the air already.

And then he would be in Denver, overseeing the installation of the new equipment, for at least two weeks.

I can do this.

The next morning, she burst into tears when she caught herself picking up her phone to text him before leaving the apartment. The thought of calling in sick to work appealed greatly to her, but she had to get the last article finished and turned in.

After washing her face again and forgoing makeup that would run and smear and make her look even worse, she forced herself to drive to work. It wasn’t until she was there that she realized she wore her amulet necklace.

She didn’t have the heart to take it off.

Loren texted her while she was in the Monday morning editorial meeting, and she ignored it. Until after lunch, when she realized she had three more texts and four voice mails from Loren, each one sounding increasingly worried, along with additional texts from Leah, Tilly, and Clarisse, all asking if she was okay.

She locked herself in the bathroom to cry and respond to her friends. They all got the same generic message courtesy of copy and paste.

I’m okay. Busy day. Will text later.

She pulled herself together. Barely.

With her headphones on and her music turned up as loud as she could tolerate it, she opened a fresh document file on her computer.

When I first started on this journey I genuinely wanted to learn, as both a journalist and as a woman, what appeal the BDSM lifestyle held for so many.

She caught herself fingering the amulet.

Closing her eyes to squeeze the tears back, she took a few deep breaths to steady herself. Then her index fingers came to rest on F and J on her keyboard as she opened her eyes to type some more.

Popular fiction leaves many with a completely erroneous impression of the people who participate in this admittedly alternative lifestyle. I consider it the utmost honor to now call many of the people I met while writing this piece my friends.

I wanted to experience firsthand the things many go through on their journey. If nothing else, so I could accurately write about it.

I never expected to learn so much about myself in the process, or fall in love with it along the way.

Sobbing as quietly as she could, she continued to type and prayed no one came up behind her and spotted her like this.

They say as journalists we’re supposed to stay as objective as possible when reporting a story. BDSM is an issue already charged with controversy. It’s fine to say that mental health professionals understand consensual sexual acts are normal and healthy behavior for those who willingly choose to participate, even if it is a minority of people.

But the truth isn’t nearly as clinical as that. And learning about BDSM changed my life for the better. I learned how to let go and trust and feel things I never before dreamed I would ever experience, much less enjoy…

Shayla’s fingers flew across the keys. She refused to censor herself and knew she’d completely sailed into the realm of commentary and editorial instead of a feature news story.

She didn’t care.

When she finished the story several hours later, a little after five o’clock in the afternoon, she copied and pasted the text into an e-mail to Loren. She included a brief note at the top of the e-mail.

This is a rough draft so please excuse any typos. Please let me know what you think.

S.

She hit send without reading any of it.

Then she went into the bathroom, locked herself in, and threw up before heading home for the day.

She somehow made it in to work Tuesday morning despite the horrible headache pounding in her temples. She hadn’t checked her inbox at all after sending Loren the e-mail.

But she’d spent hours cradling her cell phone in her hands and praying Tony would text her.

She couldn’t bring herself to send him a text Monday night. Before she went to bed, she wanted to say Good night, Sir. Or, Sweet dreams, Sir.

Or even, I love You, Sir. Get it out in the open.

Her heart ached, empty over the silence from Tony.

No How are you, pet?

No How’s My pet?

Nothing.

Worse, she knew, would be the pain if she texted him and received no reply.

Or worse still, confirmation that it was truly over between them.

I will not be clingy.

Grateful there wasn’t an editorial meeting Tuesday morning, she stuck to her cubicle and kept her headphones on as she began work on another story due Wednesday afternoon. She checked her e-mail but didn’t see a response from Loren.

At eleven that morning, a tap on her shoulders startled her. She wheeled around to see Loren, Leah, and Tilly standing in the entrance to her cubicle. She pulled her headphones off and started to speak, to ask them what they were doing there.

Instead, her tears flowed.

Loren was the closest and enveloped her in her arms as the other two women also surrounded her. “You’re okay,” she whispered to Shayla. “It’ll be okay.”

That only made her cry harder.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Loren asked.

She shook her head. Someone pressed a tissue into her hand. She blew her nose and tried to pull herself together even though her soul felt ripped loose and adrift.

“Have you heard from Tony at all?” Leah asked.

“No. I guess I don’t expect to because I know he’s super busy right now. The data center they’re setting up, it’s huge. He warned me he probably wouldn’t have any cell reception. It’s okay.” She took a deep breath and sat back as Loren stared down at her.

“We came to take you out to lunch,” Loren said.

“I…I can’t. I’m sorry. Not today.”

“That wasn’t a request,” Tilly snarked. “Unlike these two, I’m not afraid to get toppy on your ass.”

Shayla snorted, which turned into another bout of tears.

“Okay,” Tilly said, nudging Loren out of the way. “That’s it. No arguing. We go to my house for lunch. I’ll text Cris and Landry to scoot their tushies out the door for a couple of hours.”

Leah snickered. “I didn’t know Landry would scoot his tushy for anyone.”

Tilly had pulled out her cell phone. She hit a button on speed dial and put it to her ear. “Yeah, well, he will for me. I’m special.”

Loren laughed. “Special, huh?”

She nodded. “Yeah, those two men aren’t nearly as scary as they think they are. I’m way scarier. Especially this time of the month.”

Minutes later, they’d bustled Shayla down to Tilly’s car and were heading south on US 41 toward Tilly’s. Shayla sat in back with Loren while Tilly drove and Leah rode up front.

“I think you need to contact Tony and ask to talk to him,” Loren said.

“He’s busy. I don’t want to bother him while he’s out of town. He’s working.”

“You’re in a lot of pain, sweetie. I think it’d upset him to know you’re hurting like this.”

“It doesn’t matter. We had an agreement, and he stuck to it. I’m the fucking dumbass that fell in love with him.”

“Does he know you’re in love with him?” Tilly piped up from behind the wheel. “Men aren’t psychic, no matter how good a Dom they might be.”

“Love wasn’t part of the agreement,” Shayla said. “It’s my fault.”

Tilly let out a loud, barking laugh. “Yeah, believe me, I totally get that. That’s how I ended up with Landry and Cris for life. Love wasn’t supposed to be part of our deal, either. Yet there I went and fell in love with the guy, and fell back in love with Cris despite him being a total fucking dumbass sometimes.” At a stoplight, she glanced in the mirror and made eye contact with Shayla. “Unless you speak up and tell him what you feel, you’ll never know if he feels the same way.”

“Wouldn’t he have told me how he feels before now?”

Leah turned in her seat as far as her seat belt would allow. “You have to understand something. Tony is a very honorable guy. From what you told me, that wasn’t part of your original agreement. He might be a sadist, but he’s not going to force himself on someone.”

“But he wouldn’t have been forcing himself on me.”

“You might see it like that, but look at it from his point of view. He sees himself in a position of power over you as your Dominant. He will never do anything that, to him, seems like he’s abusing that power in any way. Okay, yes, sucky timing that he had to go out of town and you two can’t just sit down and talk about this. But you sitting here hurting and not reaching out to him isn’t healthy.”

“If he’d wanted me I’d think he would have spoken up. He’s not exactly bashful. Besides, he said he might be in contact this week.”

“Did he say when?” Loren asked.

Shayla shook her head.

“Did he say you couldn’t text him?” Leah asked.

“No,” Shayla said.

Leah turned to face forward. Shayla saw her doing something and realized she’d pulled out her phone and was sending a text. “What are you doing?” Shayla asked.

“I’m texting Sir Dumbass and telling him to check in with you.”

“Leah, wait. Please don’t. He’s working.”

Leah looked over her shoulder at Shayla. “So? I text him all the time when he’s at work. He texts me back when he can.”

“Please, no. It’s okay. Besides, I know he doesn’t like clingy women. I refuse to be like that. I can tough it out until he gets back.”

“Clingy? One text two days later isn’t clingy,” Loren said.

“I know what Tony’s talking about when he says that,” Leah added. “And believe me, you do not fit his clingy definition.”

Shayla shook her head. “Please, it’s all right. I’ll be okay.”

After looking at her for a moment, Leah turned to Tilly. “What do you think?”

Tilly shrugged. “I don’t know. The Domme and friend part of me says fuck it and chew his ass out. The slave in me understands why Shayla wants to wait him out.”

“Which part is winning?” Leah asked.

“I’m PMSing. Is that really a fair question?”

“We don’t want his balls removed,” Leah joked.

“Or roasted,” Loren added. “And no, we’re not asking Landry to hold him down for us.”

For some reason, that comment made the other three women laugh.

Tilly let out a melodramatic sigh. “You guys are no fun at all.” Tilly glanced in the rearview mirror again. “Sorry, Shay. Long story. We’ll tell you later.”

The women made her lunch, made her talk, and held her while she cried. By the time Tilly finally agreed an hour later to take Shayla back to the office, Shayla did admit she felt a little better after talking to her friends.

They exchanged another round of hugs before Shayla headed back upstairs. “Just text him,” Leah said. “Please? It’ll be all right. I’m sure the two of you will work this out. It sounds like you two just need a good, long talk.”

Shayla wasn’t so sure, but nodded for her friends’ benefits. But she didn’t text Tony.

He’s working. I won’t interfere with his work. I’m a big girl. I can wait until he’s back, unless he texts me.

It didn’t stop her from keeping her phone in sight on her desk, next to her computer, and the ringer volume turned up loud.

When Shayla’s phone rang that night, her heart jumped. Instinctively, she grabbed it and answered without looking at the screen.

“Hello?”

“Shay?”

She frowned and looked at the screen. That wasn’t Tony’s voice.

The screen read Rat Bastard.

Shit. James.

She took a deep breath, her tone immediately U-turning from warm and hopeful to chilly and neutral. “What do you want?”

Apparently the change in tone didn’t go unnoticed and caught him off guard, too. “Um, I wanted to talk.”

“Why?”

Another moment of silence. “I saw you’ve been getting my checks.”

“Yep.”

She wouldn’t make this easy on him. She refused to.

He certainly hadn’t made her life easy.

Then again, I never would have met Tony.

He sighed on the other end. “Look, I really want to talk to you. I want to tell you how sorry I am.”

“I saw the letters. Thank you.”

More uncomfortable silence. “I’d like to see you.”

“What?” She sat bolt upright, heart pounding. “Look, I have a job. A life. I’m not flying back to Cleveland to have a powwow with you.”

“No! That’s not what I meant. I have to be in Orlando next weekend for meetings. I’d like to get together with you to talk. I looked at the map. I can drive to Sarasota from Orlando in just a couple of hours.”

“That’s not a good idea.”

“Please, Shayla? Just to talk. We can meet at a restaurant, if you want. Somewhere public. I’ll buy. Pick somewhere nice.”

Dammit. Now she wished she’d never given him her address. I should’ve gotten a PO Box. “That’s not necessary.” Why the hell can’t I just tell him to fuck off?

“I’d consider it a favor if you would. I know you don’t owe me anything, but I’d really appreciate it. Please?”

Despite how much she hated what he’d done to her, his plaintive tone of voice killed the animosity she felt toward him. Yes, he’d been a dick. But he was trying to make amends. She probably shouldn’t piss him off in case he decided not to keep paying her back. “I’ve got a lot going on next weekend. I don’t know if I can change my plans. I’ll have to let you know.”

He sounded relieved. “Okay, thanks. I appreciate it.”

“I have to go.” She ended the call and tossed her phone to the other end of the couch. She stared at it, praying James wouldn’t call back.

After a few minutes of silence, she relaxed.

Unfortunately, that same silence only emphasized that Tony hadn’t called or texted her.