The Lair

CHAPTER NINE

Mel

My nursery rhymes rhyme less than they used to.

I can feel myself changing. The Mel I was is nearly lost to memory. The Mel I am now is becoming lost in memories. They are all I have left of myself. I have too much time to heal, even as my body changes. I sleep endlessly, except for when I’m feeding, though Sebastian still doesn’t let me feed or hunt. He keeps me locked away, safe as a newborn kitten. He feeds me the blood of Ticks he hunts alone. I am as dependent on him as I ever was on Lily.

Lily, Lily. My sister, myself. The thousand stings of sisterhood don’t sting any less. Her betrayal is a flash of alcohol skimming across the surface of my vampire newness. I cannot think of her without resenting the choice she made for me when I was too weak to make it for myself. So instead I linger on other memories.

We had a cat named Trickster when I was little. A real prince of Siam. Trickster’s favorite trick was catching bunnies in the yard. He gifted us each spring. Their blood on our welcome mat chilled my blood colder than April.

I’d screamed for hours after that first Thumper.

Lily puked. Mom shoveled. Dad babbled. He babbled a lot. Even my screams didn’t block the echo of Thumper’s dying thumpity, thumpity. Tiny hearts beat fast, and I can’t forget the glazed-eyed horror on Thumper’s face. Or the praise Trickster thought he’d earned.

Even the fiercest killer kills for love as well as food. Not just the love of food, but the love of sharing.

How now could I drink like that?

Dr. Seuss’s Brown Cow never prepared me for that How.

Other hows haunt me as well. How do we forgive the people we love? How can I forgive Lily for her betrayal? I gave her a gift greater than any of Trickster’s Thumpers. I gave her the gift of my life and she turned that gift on me. She turned me just as much as Sebastian did. I learned to forgive Trickster. Can I learn to forgive Lily now that I’m a trickster myself?

I still loved Trickster after Thumper number one. And learned to close my screams each spring and to let Lily leave the house first in the morning. There were other Thumpers, I know, but the Trickster’s lullaby purr and steady heartbeat lulled my senses and let me forget.

It’s easy to forgive a predator. As long as we’re not the prey.