The Lair

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Lily

“I’m coming with you,” Lily said as soon as she made it back to the RV. No point in beating around the bush.

McKenna stopped still, staring at her in shock. “What do you mean, you’ll come with me?”

“I’m not going to let you go by yourself.” She moved to the tiny closet and pulled out her own backpack. The one she’d brought with her from the Farm.

“You and Carter need to be here. With the rebellion. I can’t ask you guys to leave.”

“You’re not asking. And he’s not coming,” Lily said quietly. “I think . . . I think it’s time for me to go.”

“You’re going to leave Carter?” McKenna asked doubtfully.

“I . . . yeah. I am.” She paused, shaking her head. “Yesterday, if he hadn’t stayed in Elderton with me, he would have been here. He could have protected those Greens.” It was only one of the reasons. The only reason she would share with McKenna. McKenna didn’t need to know about the whole head-chopping thing. That was an image no one needed in her brain.

“He’s going to let you go?”

“It’s not his choice. Besides”—she kept her voice impersonal, logical—“It’s best for me to go. He sees that. Hell, he’ll probably be relieved. If I’m here much longer, the Elites will start to question whether or not I’m really an abductura.”

“They won’t—”

“They’re not idiots. They’ll figure it out. My presence here is supposed to inspire a renewed sense of hope, right? A sense of calm and focus. That’s the role of an abductura. To unite people, right? To inspire them to fight.”

McKenna frowned as if worried she was being drawn into a verbal trap. Finally she nodded. “Yes, I guess. But you’re not—”

“Exactly. I’m not an abductura. I can’t do any of that. And the thing is, once the Elites realize that, they’re going to question Carter. I can’t let that happen.”

“I still say he’s not going to let you go. That boy loves you.”

Lily wanted to protest. Love her or not, it didn’t make it any easier to say good-bye.

“It’s a done deal. He already agreed. Ely is going to take us. Have you met him?”

She babbled on about Ely while she packed. McKenna didn’t interrupt again. McKenna’s gut instinct to protect her baby would win out. By the time Lily had packed the last of her stuff, McKenna seemed convinced. Lily only wished convincing herself was that easy.

Once her bag was packed, she headed up to the food storage rooms to stock up on nonperishables. Carter was standing outside the RV when she stepped out.

She couldn’t make herself look at him. The flickering fluorescents cast harsh light over his face, making him look like he’d aged about five years in the past couple of days. Or maybe having people die under your command just did that to someone.

Knowing how hard what happened yesterday had hit him, she almost felt bad about leaving. But it had been his idea.

“Hey,” she said.

McKenna came out right after her, stopping short on the steps. Then she edged past Lily down the steps. “Why don’t I go find those snacks and stuff. I’ll just . . .” She didn’t finish the sentence but trotted off toward food storage.

“Hey.” Carter nodded back.

Lily opened the door and stepped back into the RV, holding the door open behind her so he would follow her in. When he stepped inside and shut the door behind him, she admitted, “I didn’t think I’d see you again.”

“You didn’t think I’d come to say good-bye?” Carter was nearly a foot taller than she was and when he stood up straight in the RV, the top of his head brushed the ceiling. So in here, he always stood with his head ducked a little. It made him look bashful, maybe a little shy. It was charming, even if it was an illusion.

In this tiny space, he was awkward and off balance. Give him more room and he could kick anyone’s ass. That was Carter all over: tough as hell until you got him up close.

“Is that what you’re doing?” she asked. “Saying good-bye?”

He leaned his hips against the countertop, stretching his legs out in front of him. The stance bought him a little more head room and he was able to meet her gaze as he said, “I want you to be safe. When you’re traveling.”

That wasn’t what she wanted to hear. Not at all. Her arm hurt like hell. She was tired and hungry. She felt miserable. Inexplicably, she wanted to curl up on the bed in back and just cry. She wanted someone to stroke her hair and tell her it was going to be all right. That was fair, right? To want that.

She distracted herself by sorting through the belongings she and McKenna didn’t have room to bring. Everything they owned had been scavenged from somewhere else, and it would go back to the storage rooms. It would be sorted through and “owned” by other people after them. Somehow, packing up this stuff that hadn’t really been hers brought her some peace. It gave her something to do while her heart was breaking.

She knew why he was doing this. At least, she could make a pretty good guess. It was all tied back to the conversation in the truck. To not wanting to be with her anymore.

Forget that he was doing it for the good of all mankind. Forget that this was best for humanity and for the rebellion and so that someday they could all live free again. Forget all that.

All that didn’t make it any better. It just made it harder to hate him for this. No, it made it impossible to hate him. He was such a good guy. He was the best.

And it killed her that she wasn’t good for him. He would never say it like that, but that’s what it came down to, right? She wasn’t good for him.

Carter watched her for a few minutes before saying, “So we’re not even going to talk about it?”

“I don’t think there’s anything to talk about.”

“Damn it, would you stop packing long enough to at least have a conversation with me?”

For a second, her hands clenched around a bath towel then she forced herself to let it go. She dropped it into a box and turned to face him, even if she couldn’t make herself meet his gaze.

“About the conversation we had in the truck, listen, I . . .”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” she said automatically.

“Lily, I didn’t want—”

“I know.” She waved a hand, cutting him off. “McKenna needs me.”

“Damn it, Lily—” Carter broke off and paced away and then back again. His expression was hard and wounded all at the same time. “This is killing me. Do you know what it feels like, knowing you’re going off with some other guy? Some guy who can protect you and who’s willing to walk away from all of this.”

She nearly laughed at that. “This was your idea and besides, you know it’s not like that. Ely’s a total ass.”

Carter’s lips curved and he looked a little relieved. “You think so?”

“Yeah.” And then she did chuckle. “He’s arrogant and annoying. I barely met him and I can already tell you that. I’m not going to fall for him. Certainly not in five days.”

Carter reached out and grabbed her hand, giving it a gentle tug so that she stepped into the space between his legs. “You promise?”

“Yes.”

“And promise you’ll stay safe. That you won’t take any stupid risks.”

She had to swallow the lump in her throat before she could answer. “I wish I could—”

“I know,” he said quickly.

“I could get hurt just as easily here.”

“I know.” He took her hand in his. His fingers were warm and strong where they grasped hers. She turned her hand to link her fingers through his.

“Jesus, Lily, I would do anything to protect you. Anything.”

His tone was so fierce, she wanted to pretend it was enough.

That wasn’t so much to ask, was it? For just a few minutes of clinging to the fantasy that there was someone in the world who would put her above all others?

She wanted to believe it so badly that when he gave her hand a tug, she stepped even closer to him, wedging her body against his. His hands clutched at her shoulders as he pressed his lips to hers. He tasted like cranberries and cinnamon. His mouth was warm and spicy. His hunger was palpable. His hands seemed to be everywhere at once, like he couldn’t stop touching her. On her hips, her ribs, in her hair. Pulling her closer, like he could absorb her through his skin. She met him move for move, practically trying to crawl into his body. Everything else faded except the two of them.

He pushed away from the counter and backed her up a few steps until she felt the edge of the table bump against the back of her legs. His lips never left hers as he grasped her hips and lifted her onto the edge of the table. Her legs wrapped around him and she pulled him close, relishing the feel of his body against her, of his chest under her hands. Except he was too tall or the table was too short. The height issue must have frustrated him, too, because he lifted her up, turning around until she sat on the counter.

She didn’t know how long he kissed her. Minutes, hours. Days. And it still wasn’t enough. Even if she had a lifetime with him, she’d want more. But she didn’t have a lifetime. All she had were these few minutes before they were ripped apart, maybe forever.

She wanted to believe that she would come back. That everything would be okay. That she, McKenna, and Ely would make it easily into Canada and that McKenna would get the care she needed. Then Lily could come back here, having done at least one thing right.

She wanted to believe all of that just as desperately as she wanted to pretend that when she came back, Carter would welcome her. That he wanted her—that he needed her—just as much as she needed and wanted him.

The feel of his lips on hers and the urgency of his kisses let her pretend. So she kept kissing him and she let herself get lost in his touch.

So lost that she barely registered the pounding on the RV door. Or the sound of it being flung open and rattling as it banged against the cabinetry.

“Damn,” a sarcastic voice drawled. “I can see why you’re reluctant to let this walk away.”

Carter pulled his lips from hers. For a heartbeat, he just stared into her eyes. Just when she thought her heart might break, he stepped back, setting her on the floor as he did. Slowly they both turned to face Ely, who was standing in the doorway.

“Did you need something?” Carter asked tightly.

Ely stepped farther into the RV and McKenna waddled in after him.

She pulled a visible cringe. “Sorry! I didn’t—”

“It’s okay,” Lily said, even though it wasn’t. “What’d you need?”

Ely slanted her a smile. “You, sweetheart.”

Carter took a half step toward him. Less than a half step. Given the tiny space in the RV, it was tantamount to getting right in his face. “What?”

Ely ignored his question, nodding in Lily’s direction. “Grab your stuff and let’s go. It’s time to head out.”

“Now? We’re not going to wait until morning?”

Ely faked looking at his watch. “It’s only ten. Elite recon says there are no Ticks in the immediate area. We should leave while we can. We can be in Butte by nightfall.”

As soon as he said it, Carter rocked back a step. Like the words were a physical blow. That was how they felt to her, too. Even though she’d packed a bag, she wasn’t ready.

But she didn’t have a choice. This was best for everyone. Even though it broke her heart.

Again, she wanted to fall to her knees and cry. To wallow in sorrow and never get up again. But she couldn’t. There wasn’t time. Besides, in times like these, depression was for wusses.