The Monte Carlo Proposal

CHAPTER TEN

Della’s Story

OF COURSE I did everything wrong, and when I landed in jail I knew that only a miracle would rescue me.

How strange that the miracle should be Grace, making one last attempt to turn Jack against me and giving him the key to finding me.

When I heard that ‘Mr Smith’ had come visiting I thought it was one of my cousins, being cautious. And then I walked in and saw Jack.

I made a mess of it again. I should have been overjoyed, thrown my arms around his neck, cried, Jack, darling, at last!

Instead, I was filled with the most terrible fear and misery. Perhaps I’d forgotten how to feel anything else. Anyway, I fled, and they had to stop him coming after me.

From the corridor outside I could hear him begging them to bring me back. I leaned against the wall, shaking, feeling my heart pound. Even my teeth were chattering.

A warder came back and told me briskly that I was mad.

‘If I had a feller who looked like that you wouldn’t catch me running away,’ she said. ‘Go on with you.’

So I went and sat down and, charming to the end, said, ‘You shouldn’t have come.’

Fear and misery had given way to rage. After I’d tried so hard to protect him he’d swept all my efforts aside and walked into the lions’ den. Had he no sense?

I think I said something like that-something bad-tempered, anyway. He ought to have walked out, but he didn’t. I remembered then how stubborn he was when he’d decided on something.

He looked different-thinner, older-and he’d lost that look of always having a smile about to burst out. He smiled sometimes, but it was forced, and faded quickly. Then his manner became curt and no-nonsense. He even snapped at me. I snapped back, and we were soon squabbling.

I told him about my life in the months since we’d parted, but all the time I was wondering about his life, whether I was responsible for his withered look, as though something were gnawing him from inside.

If I could have done as I wanted I’d have put my arms about him, promised never to go away again. But I couldn’t. A block of ice seemed to be pressing on my chest, trapping the feelings inside. So I went on being grumpy and he went on giving his orders.

He’d fired my lawyer, he was hiring another, he wanted my address. I had to be sensible, leave it to him, just keep quiet and don’t argue. Bully Jack was there with a vengeance.

I did what he wanted, then we rowed some more, and he left.

I didn’t know what to think. At the back of my mind I knew things had taken a turn for the better, but I couldn’t feel it. I didn’t know this new version of Jack, or how to react to him.

My new lawyer was called Thomas Wendell. He came to see me that same afternoon, and the very next day I was back in court, pleading not guilty.

‘But how can I?’ I demanded. ‘After they caught me red-handed.’

‘Miss Martin, my instructions are that you were not caught red-handed, but merely the victim of a misunderstanding which will soon be sorted out.’

‘Your instructions? From Mr Bullen, I suppose? What else did he say?’

‘To get you out of here at all costs. Now, please speak as little as possible, and leave everything to me.’

Inside the court he put in my plea and asked for bail, but the magistrate was reluctant. He spoke of my lack of co-operation and suggested that I was liable to abscond.

In the end bail was set at thirty thousand pounds. An outrageous figure. Without batting an eyelid Mr Wendell agreed.

That told me all I needed to know. But it might have been worse. At least Jack hadn’t actually turned up in court.

‘What do I do now?’ I asked as we left.

‘You see that car over there, with the blacked-out windows? Just get in the back. Goodbye.’

‘Hey, wait a-’

But he was already walking away, leaving me no choice but to go to the car.

Jack was there in the back, his face harsh with tension. He drew me inside, tapped the dividing screen, and an unseen chauffeur started up.

As we moved off Jack threw himself back into the far corner and just sat looking at me. The light was poor, and I couldn’t see his face well, but I think it bore the saddest look I’d ever seen.

‘Are you all right?’ he asked.

‘I’m better now. I’ll be all right when I’ve seen Grandad.’

‘I’m taking you to him. One moment.’ His mobile phone had rung and he answered it curtly. ‘Yes? I know, but I can’t help it-you’ll just have to handle the meeting yourself. You can do it, Peter. I trust you.’

When he’d finished I took a deep breath and started on the speech I knew I had to make.

‘I’m sorry about the way I spoke to you when you came to see me. I’m really grateful for-’

‘Shut up!’

His voice seemed to reach me across a vast distance.

‘Don’t thank me. Whatever you do, don’t thank me.’

‘I don’t understand.’

‘I can believe that,’ he said, almost savagely.

Silence. A cold, bitter silence, between strangers.

‘If I can’t say sorry, what can I say?’

‘Nothing. What is there to say?’

He sounded oddly defeated, and his shoulders sagged. I hated seeing him like that. He was my Jack, king of the world, who could sort out anything. Worst of all was the feeling that the person who’d brought him to this was me.

‘This isn’t the way home,’ I said suddenly, startled.

‘You don’t live there any more. I’m taking you to my place.’

‘But Grandad-’

‘He’s already there. I went to see him at the address you gave me as soon as I left the prison yesterday.’

I made an amazed gesture, which he understood.

‘He was a little surprised, since you’d never mentioned me to him,’ he said. ‘But I told him what was happening, and we packed up and went.’

‘How is he?’

‘I found him fairly depressed. That’s why I took him with me at once. I thought the less time he spent alone brooding the better.

‘You mean he stayed at your place last night?’

‘That’s right.’

‘Jack, what did you tell him?’

‘Just that you worked on my boat. For all he knows you were a waitress. But we didn’t talk much. We just got drunk.’

This was becoming more surreal every moment. I tried to imagine their meeting at our shabby little home, and in the end I gave up.

Nor could I picture Jack getting drunk. Grandad, yes.

The phone rang again. He answered impatiently, said, ‘I’ll be there in an hour,’ and hung up.

We were in the heart of Mayfair now, gliding through residential streets that were quiet and unobtrusively wealthy. We stopped in front of an apartment block and I waited for him to get out. But he seemed frozen, staring at the floor as though lost in an unhappy dream.

‘Why did you do it?’ he said at last.

‘I told you why in my letter. I had to go, and now surely you must know why?’

‘There could have been a way around it if only you’d trusted me. Now-’ He gave a dispirited shrug.

I knew what he was saying. It was too late-now. He was helping me for old times’ sake, but he didn’t want me to think it had anything to do with love.

I hastened to assure him that I had no such illusions.

‘There was no way around it, Jack. I told you then. You can’t be part of my life and I can’t be part of yours. It was nice of you to come to my rescue, but the end still has to be the same. Of course if I go to jail there won’t be any prob-’

‘That’s enough!’ he said violently, seizing my shoulders. ‘Don’t ever talk like that. Do you hear me? I forbid it.’

He shuddered, and I felt it go through his hands to my own flesh.

‘I won’t let it happen,’ he said. ‘Do you understand that?’

I reached up and took one of his hands, holding it between mine.

‘Perhaps even Bully Jack can’t manage this,’ I said.

‘If he can’t, he isn’t good for much. You’re not going back to that place. You have my solemn word. Do you believe me?’

‘Yes,’ I said, almost hypnotised.

His face was blazing with fervour, and for a moment I could imagine him capable of anything. He could save me and Grandad. He could overturn the whole world.

‘Della, if you believe in me-’

His voice was shaking. He would have said more but his phone rang again. It broke the spell, forcing him to seize it and answer with an edge on his voice.

‘I’ll deal with it as soon as I get in this afternoon.’

He opened the car door quickly, before the phone could ring again, and we entered the building. His flat was on the third floor, and we went up in the lift, neither speaking nor looking at each other. After that brief, intense moment in the car we were both awkward.

As soon as I went in and saw Grandad I forgot everything else. He came flying to meet me, as he’d done on the day I came home, and we hugged each other silently. Jack didn’t look at us, but went into another room to make a phone call. When he came out he spoke briefly.

‘I have to leave now. Della, have something to eat and make yourself at home. Your grandfather will show you where everything is. I’ll see you later.’

He was gone. Grandad and I hugged again. We’d seen each other only last week, when he’d visited me, but it was as though we’d been apart for months.

At last he wiped his eyes and sniffed.

‘Last time it was me welcoming you home from jail,’ I said, trying to lighten the atmosphere.

He straightened up. ‘I’ll make you a cup of tea, luv.’

‘Yes, please. Prison tea is horrible.’

‘You’re telling me. You should try what they serve in-’

We slid easily into a discussion of prison tea that we had known, and that got us over the next few minutes. He bustled about in Jack’s kitchen, already at home.

‘Baked beans on toast,’ he said, knowing that was my favourite. ‘I bought the beans specially for you this morning.’

While he cooked I looked around. Jack had made this place sound small, but maybe his idea of small wasn’t everyone else’s. It was light and spacious, with two bedrooms, a large bathroom, an office and one big living room.

‘That’s your room,’ Grandad said, pointing.

It had a double bed and was furnished with discreet luxury in various shades of brown and fawn.

‘Where are you sleeping?’ I asked him.

I followed his finger and opened the door of the other bedroom, where there were two single beds.

‘Grandad-?’

‘Him and me have to share, luv. There’s nowhere else. I don’t mind.’

‘You don’t-?’

‘As long as he doesn’t snore.’

‘He doesn’t snore,’ I said defensively.

Grandad nodded in a satisfied way. ‘I thought you’d know about that.’

‘I’ll throw a baked bean at you in a minute.’

He cackled. ‘Come and eat.’

While I was eating he said, ‘You should’ve told me about him.’

‘There was nothing really to tell.’

‘You’ve got a millionaire nutty about you and there’s nothing to tell?’

‘He’s not nutty about me. This is a gesture to a friend.’

‘Pull the other one. He’s turning his life upside down to look after you. Even I can see that.’

I said nothing, but my mind went back to the phone constantly ringing in the back of the car. How many meetings had he put off for my sake? What else was there?

‘Did he give you all that stuff you brought home?’ Grandad asked.

I nodded.

‘Why didn’t you ask him to help you?’

‘Because I don’t-’ I started to say that I didn’t want Jack’s help, but the words faded.

‘Yes, you do,’ Grandad said. ‘Because you’re as nutty as he is.’

There was no arguing with him in this mood. When Grandad gets hold of an idea he’s like a terrier with a bone.

I had a long, luxurious soak, feeling the prison wash away from me. Then I went to bed, slept for an hour, and awoke feeling more or less human again.

There was a suitcase in my room, filled with the packing that Grandad had done for me. I’d kept a few of the clothes Jack had bought me because they were good quality and useful, but I refused to put any of them on now. Instead I chose old jeans and a sweater. I think, in my daft way, I was trying to send him a message.

If I was, it fell flat. He came in about eight o’clock, nodded briefly to us, and vanished into the study. From there I could hear him constantly on the phone. When he emerged, about an hour later, Grandad said, ‘Something to eat? Beans on toast?’

‘That sounds good.’

He began knocking up the dish, assuring me that Jack loved it because he’d had it last night. My mind boggled at the thought of Jack eating Grandad’s cuisine.

I managed to take him aside and say quietly, ‘I’m sorry you have to share a room with him. I never thought of anything like that.’

‘I don’t mind. I just want you to be easy in your mind about him. Don’t worry. He’s going to be all right. And so are you.’

‘Jack, I want to ask you something. Is that your room I’m sleeping in?’

‘Of course. There was no other way of arranging it. Are you comfortable?’

‘Yes, it’s lovely in there. The bed’s so soft. But-’

‘Right, that’s sorted that out. Is that food ready yet?’

Over the meal I could see that somehow they had become the best of friends. I guess there’s something about getting pie-eyed together that forms a bond between men. Grandad launched into the story of his life, with embellishments.

‘You’ll never believe the fight I had to put up to keep her,’ he said, glancing at me. ‘One bloke looking after a baby on his own! Social Services weren’t having that. They said they were going to take her and find her a foster home. I said, “Over my dead body”. But they wouldn’t give up. Came knocking at midnight, demanding that I hand my little girl over. I told them they’d have to take her by force.’

Glancing up, I caught Jack’s eyes on me and saw in them a gleam of humour as he recognised the story I’d told him on the boat. But he concealed it from Grandad and asked in a suitably awed voice, ‘You beat them off at the door?’

‘Of course I did. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for my little girl.’

Jack suddenly began to concentrate on his plate. I could see him restraining his laughter with difficulty, but Grandad, lost in lyrical flight, noticed nothing amiss.

He became expansive. The rest of the family crept into the conversation, with all the riper stories raked up and relived. I made feeble attempts to stop him, but somehow Jack always sabotaged these efforts, so at last I gave up and went with the flow.

Even so, I wasn’t for prepared for Jack saying, ‘We’ll have them all to the party.’

‘Party?’ Grandad’s eyes popped.

‘The party to celebrate Della’s return. We’ll fix a date and you must call them all up.’

‘Jack,’ I said nervously, ‘I don’t think that’s a very good idea-’

His eyes flashed, warning me to say no more. ‘I think it’s a great idea.’

‘’Course it is!’ Grandad yelped. ‘We’ll have a great party. Leave it all to me.’ He patted my hand. ‘Just wait till they see this place, luv. It’ll make their eyes pop.’

I groaned, and hid my head in my hands, but Jack seemed unfazed.

When the meal was over Grandad had an attack of tact and went off to bed. I think Jack and I were equally embarrassed. I washed up, ignoring his protests, and went to my own room.

Getting to sleep wasn’t easy, and when I did nod off I awoke after a couple of hours. I got up and went out, meaning to head for the kitchen. But the light from my room, falling onto the sofa, showed me the last thing I’d expected.

Jack was stretched out under a blanket. I stayed still for a moment, watching him, holding my breath. With his daytime patina of confidence gone, he looked worn and haggard. I’d thought he looked older at the prison, but this was worse.

I’d done this to him.

I crept closer and sat down on a stool where I could see his face more closely. The last time I’d seen him asleep had been on the boat, when we’d both been full of loving and his face had shown blissful contentment. Not any longer.

The noise of snoring had been coming faintly from beyond the bedroom door. Now it suddenly increased, causing Jack to give a start and wake up. He didn’t show any surprise to find me there, but yawned and stretched.

‘Hello,’ he said sleepily.

‘I’m sorry about this. Grandad driving you out, I mean. I guess you didn’t know what you were taking on.’

He grinned ruefully.

‘I admit the snoring takes some getting used to, but he’s a great old boy.’

‘Just the same, this can’t go on. You need your sleep, and you don’t need to have your days disrupted. I think Grandad and I should go home tomorrow.’

‘Great, if you want to get me into real trouble.’

‘What do you mean? I’m not going to abscond. I’ll turn up in court on the right day.’

‘You don’t understand. I’m standing surety for you. The court needed a promise about where you’d stay, and the lawyer gave them this address. If you move out they’ll haul me into court.’

I just gaped at him. I’d faced court in a haze, and I hadn’t understood this.

‘You promised them that I’d stay in your home?’

‘I didn’t say anything about it being mine. I still officially live with Grace. Nobody will connect me.’

‘They will in the end. Jack, you’re taking such risks for me.’

‘You’ve taken a few risks yourself, haven’t you?’

‘But not for you. You don’t owe me anything.’

‘Yes I do. Selina married Derek. I guess that’s down to you.’

‘I saw it in the papers. Big society do. Has Grace tried to pair you off with anyone else?’

‘No. I think she’s understood now that my stubbornness is greater than her cunning.’

‘You’re not too bad in the cunning stakes yourself,’ I observed wryly.

‘Thanks to you. I’m in your debt.’

‘Is that what you’re doing now? Paying a debt you think you owe me?’

He shrugged. ‘I guess. Why not? Paying debts in full and on time is good business practice.’ He said the last words with slow emphasis.

‘And you believe in good business practice?’ I hazarded.

‘It’s what makes the world go round.’

‘Isn’t it supposed to be love that does that?’

‘Supposed to be. But that’s an old wives’ tale. Business is more reliable. But you have to do it right. When I’ve finished we’ll be even. All debts paid, loose ends tied up. And then,’ he added in an almost inaudible voice, ‘then maybe I can sleep.’

He was still stretched out on the sofa. I dropped down beside him and he took hold of my shoulders. He was looking straight up at me, but I had a strange feeling he couldn’t see me.

‘Sleep,’ he whispered again. ‘But then I’d wake and hear you crying, like that last morning. I was never sure whether I imagined it or not.’

‘You didn’t imagine it,’ I said. ‘I was crying at leaving you.’

‘I never stopped hearing that sound, night after night.’ He closed his eyes tight, as if in pain. ‘You shouldn’t have left me with that in my ears.’

‘I shouldn’t have done anything the way I did,’ I whispered. ‘I got everything wrong. I thought I was doing the right thing. I didn’t mean to hurt you, Jack. I thought I was just a holiday romance.’

‘Was that what I was to you?’

‘Oh, no, no!’

He stroked a wisp of hair away from my forehead. ‘Why couldn’t you have trusted me?’ he said. ‘When I found you’d gone I nearly went crazy. It was like coming to an oasis in the desert and then finding it was only a mirage. And then the desert is all around you and there’s no way out.’

‘You’re asking me to use hindsight,’ I pleaded. ‘At the time it felt like the right thing to do. Maybe if I’d told you everything from the start it might have been different, but I felt as if I’d tricked you into loving me by hiding the truth.’

There was a silence before he said in an odd voice, ‘Meaning that if I’d known the truth I wouldn’t have loved you?’

‘Meaning that you’d have been warned in time and you could have been cautious before it was too late.’

He stared at me for a moment, then rose so sharply that I slid to the floor.

‘Thanks,’ he said harshly. ‘That’s all I needed.’

‘What?’

‘That’s what you think of me? Cold-blooded, calculating, willing and able to be cautious once I’ve assessed the conditions and found them unsuitable? You call that love? Damn you, that’s an insult to everything I ever felt for you.’

‘Jack, I didn’t mean-’

‘I know what you meant, and I call it arrogance. You made the decision for both of us. You thought you were the only one who could decide. Did it ever occur to you that I was a thinking human being who liked to make his own decisions? Maybe I could have coped. Maybe I could have found a way around it.’

I no longer tried to stop him. What was coming out was a stream of rage that had been building up for a long time.

‘Della, did it ever occur to you that your family of small-time con artists is no big deal? You think you’re the only one who’s got friends in jail? Last year I nearly did some business with a fellow whose company I really enjoyed. He was funny, bright, well-mannered, and an expert in his field. But the negotiations got nowhere because he was arrested for massive fraud. He’s currently doing ten years in a New York jail for filching thirty million.’

That silenced me.

‘There are probably more crimes committed in my world than yours,’ Jack went on. ‘Only they’re mostly dressed up so that they don’t look like crimes. Bribery, corruption-you name it. I don’t go in for it myself, but I know people who do. I can’t help that. It’s a fact of life. So maybe your folks buy stuff that fell off the back of a lorry? Big deal!’

I’d picked myself up off the floor and sat down on the sofa again. He gave an exasperated sigh and sat down beside me.

‘I know my way around the big jungle, Della. I can cope with it. And I could sure as hell have coped with your little jungle.’

I felt winded. Had I been arrogant? Denying him the right to make his own decisions? Had I thrown everything away for nothing?

And it had been totally thrown away, because I’d heard him speaking in the past tense. He’d said, I could have coped, not I can cope.

‘I’m sorry,’ I said. ‘I never thought of it that way.’

His anger had passed, and he took my hand. It wasn’t the start of anything, just a friend comforting a friend.

‘How have you been?’ he asked quietly.

‘Sad,’ I said. ‘You?’

He nodded. After a while he said heavily, ‘I found the jewellery where you said it was. There was no need for that. It was rightfully yours. I gave it to you.’

‘I could never really feel it was mine,’ I said. ‘Except Charlie.’

He rose and went to a small chest of drawers, returning after a moment and holding something out to me. It was Charlie.

‘Take him,’ he said. ‘He’s always been yours.’

‘Thank you.’

I took him gratefully. As everything else had been taken away I had clung to Charlie, sitting up at night and holding him in my hand like a talisman. Losing him had been like losing Jack again. Now the sight of him made me smile.

‘I haven’t seen you smile since we met again,’ he said.

‘I’m glad to have him back,’ I said softly. ‘I’ve missed him so much.’

‘Only him?’ he asked quietly.

‘No, not only him. But he was really mine. I didn’t think you could ever be.’

‘That’s not true, Della. I was all yours. But maybe we were never as close as I thought. Was I only fooling myself, then?’

‘Perhaps you were. When I wouldn’t tell you about myself, maybe you filled the blank spaces with a fantasy.’

‘And are words all that count? When you came into my arms that last night, don’t you think my heart knew you then in the only way that matters? Didn’t your heart know me?’

I nodded, feeling a lump in my throat. ‘Yes,’ I said. ‘It knew everything.’

I was crying as I said it, and he reached out and held me close. I put my arms about him and we sat there for a while, comforting each other and mourning what we’d had and lost.