The Monte Carlo Proposal

CHAPTER SEVEN

Jack’s Story

AFTER that misunderstanding with Raymond the party began to break up. We made an unscheduled stop in Gibraltar because Raymond discovered that urgent business called him home, and Selina’s father apparently received a call announcing a crisis in one of his firms. He needed to fly home too, immediately, and Selina and her mother went with him. Derek announced that he would also leave the ship.

Grace said it was all my fault.

‘He’s seizing his chance to get Selina to himself,’ she snapped. ‘They’ll be engaged before you’re home.’

‘I sincerely hope so.’

‘Poor Selina has been disgusted by your behaviour,’ Grace declared, managing to speak in italics.

I grinned. ‘No, she’s just realised what a lucky escape she’s had. Why don’t you write me off as a hopeless case and spend the rest of the trip being nice to Harry?’

Grace sniffed.

I was making plans. After all, Bully Jack was supposed to be the great organiser, the strategic genius who won out by planning everything to the last degree. Let’s see if I could do it when it really mattered.

I fixed it so that when we docked in Southampton a fleet of cars would meet the passengers and whisk them back to London-except for me and Della, who would remain onboard for one more night. That way I reckoned we’d have privacy.

Grace didn’t like leaving the two of us alone together, but she restricted her comments to, ‘Well, I suppose if you’re determined to make a fool of yourself-’

‘I am,’ I assured her. ‘Absolutely determined. And I’ll tell you something else. I’ve never enjoyed being a fool so much.’

On the last full day the sun was hot and we all lounged by the pool. Della was the last to arrive, advancing slowly so that everyone could look their fill.

I had to hand it to her. As per my instructions, she wore a different bikini every time, and she did things to a bikini that no other woman had ever done. Her figure was deceptive. While it was covered she looked almost too thin. In fact she was merely slim, and nicely rounded, but to realise that you had to see her wearing next to nothing, which was fine by me.

A steward came to say that the captain would like a word with me, to sort out last-minute things before we reached home. With an effort I tore my eyes away from Della and went to the bridge.

It took only half an hour to deal with the details, then I hurried back to the pool to find that Della had gone.

‘She went down to the cabin,’ Jenny said. ‘I think she wanted to make a phone call.’

I thought Jenny had probably got that wrong, because as far as I knew Della had nobody to phone. But when I approached the cabin I could hear her voice, obviously talking to someone.

‘Darling, I didn’t know-I wasn’t expecting this yet-are you sure you’re all right? Oh, that’s wonderful-I can’t wait to see you again. ‘Bye, darling, bye.’

I heard her hang up.

I stood there a moment. For some reason I was reluctant to go in and see her. I wasn’t sure why.

While I waited I heard a noise I didn’t understand. If I’d been fanciful I might have thought she was crying. But that soft, gasping sound could have been anything-even my imagination.

Why should she cry? It had been a happy phone call. She’d said ‘that’s wonderful’. When I went in she would tell me what it was all about.

When I opened the door she was standing at the window, looking out to see. She turned and gave me a brilliant smile. And if it looked a bit forced, I decided that was my imagination too. I’d started seeing ghosts around every corner, and no other woman had ever made that happen to me.

‘All right?’ I said.

‘Fine,’ she said brightly. ‘Never better.’

‘Jenny told me you’d come down here. She said something about a phone call.’

‘Yes, I needed to make one, but everything’s all right now. Come on, let’s go back to the pool. I need another swim.’

She sashayed past me and for a moment I was distracted by the sight of her smooth golden skin. I’d already admired it earlier that day, but each time was like seeing it for the first time.

So I forgot that she hadn’t told me about the phone call and followed her tamely and happily back to the pool. Which, I realised later, was exactly what she’d meant me to do.

In the water she was like a mermaid, diving and twisting, always just ahead of me, teasing, tantalising, driving me off my head. I’d never wanted her as much as I did right then, and time was passing. Being a perfect gentleman had been fine while there was all the time in the world, but we would soon be in port.

In the late afternoon we docked at Southampton. Cars were waiting, goodbyes were said. Grace gave me her blessing in her own inimitable way.

‘Whatever happens, you’ve brought it on yourself.’

I grinned. ‘Thanks, Gracie.’

‘And don’t call me Gracie.’

Instead of eating on board I took Della to a tiny waterfront restaurant where the lights were low and the atmosphere intimate. Corny stuff, but it was an evening of sheer delight.

‘I never did manage it, did I?’ I asked her. ‘I thought I could find out all about you, but you covered your tracks so well it’s like you don’t have any tracks.’

She didn’t rise to it, and I suppose by that time I knew that she wouldn’t. Her mysteries were too well concealed, but I could bide my time. So when she just smiled at me, I smiled back.

‘Why does it matter?’ she asked. ‘I did my job well, didn’t I?’

‘Is that all it was? A job?’

‘You hired me, at a very generous rate of pay.’

‘I hired you when we were strangers,’ I reminded her. ‘But we’re not strangers any more.’

‘No,’ she whispered, and I wondered if I only imagined that she sounded sad.

Suddenly I made my mind up. No more fooling. I knew what I wanted.

‘Della, I don’t ever want us to be strangers again. I want to marry you.’

From her startled look I knew she hadn’t foreseen this, although I couldn’t think why. Lord knows that I must have made myself obvious.

‘What did you say?’ she asked faintly.

‘I want to marry you. I’m in love with you. Surely that can’t come as a surprise?’

‘It does in a way,’ she said slowly. ‘You haven’t acted like a man in love.’

‘You mean I haven’t pounced on you like a starving teenager? I can’t tell you how often I’ve wanted to. I’ve watched you walking about that boat, and I’ve watched the other men slavering over you, and I haven’t known how I kept my hands off you.’

‘Oh, you kept your hands off me pretty well,’ she said, with a slight edge on her voice that made my heart soar.

‘Were you expecting anything else?’ I asked.

‘Well,’ she said slowly, ‘in the circumstances-’

‘What circumstances? I was paying your salary and therefore you were bought and paid for? Who do you think I am? Hugh Vanner?’

My darling glared at me. ‘Is that why you’ve been acting like a Boy Scout?’

‘Well-yes. And why are you snapping at me? You ought to be pleased that I showed you some respect. We made a business deal and I had you trapped on that boat. You were vulnerable. How could I-?’

She smiled suddenly. ‘Why, Jack, you’re a gentleman.’

‘Yes, heaven help me! I must be. But you were hardly in a position to fight me off-’

‘I could have jumped overboard.’

‘No, it doesn’t do to repeat a good trick. Besides, if you’d escaped me the same way you did Vanner I’d really have felt like a worm. And if you’d said yes, how would I have known why? You might have felt it was part of the bargain, and that you ought-’

My words ran out in a kerfuffle of embarrassment. There was something about the kindly way she was regarding me that was even more unnerving than her furious glare a moment before.

‘I’m making a pig’s breakfast of this, aren’t I?’ I said miserably.

That made her laugh, and she shook her head so that her earrings danced.

‘Can you really see me making love to you because I felt obligated?’ she asked.

‘I’ll be honest. There’ve been moments when I wouldn’t have cared why, as long as I had you in my bed. But those times didn’t last. I’d take a cold shower and know that it had to be because you wanted me. And I wasn’t sure if you did.’

‘Haven’t you sensed it?’ she asked, looking surprised.

‘Sometimes. But the messages were always conflicting.’

We were in a dark corner of the restaurant, not facing each other, but at right angles on a continuous seat. Without saying a word she leaned across and laid her lips on mine for a long moment, while the world went into a spiral of dizzy dancing and my heart kept time.

‘Is that message clear enough?’ she asked.

I nodded. I couldn’t trust myself to speak. When I thought I could manage it I returned to what was, for me, the important thing.

‘Now you know why I want to marry you. I’m not interested in a one-night stand, or a passing affair. I want lifetime commitment on both sides. Please, Della, will you be my wife?’

I’d been so sure she would say yes after that kiss, but she didn’t answer for a moment. Then she said slowly, ‘Don’t ask me for an answer just now, please, Jack. I think you proposed on impulse, and you might regret it.’

‘I won’t change my mind.’

‘But you know nothing about me.’

‘Not for want of trying to find out. You told me that you weren’t married already, and nothing else matters.’

‘But I might have-other obligations.’

A memory from that afternoon flitted briefly through my mind, someone called ‘darling’ whom she was looking forward to seeing. But I was on a high and I banished the thought into the wilderness.

They say there are none so blind as those who will not see. And I guess I was determined not to see.

‘Whatever your obligations,’ I said, ‘I’ll help you with them.’

She shook her head and made the first helpless gesture I had ever seen from her.

‘Jack, I can’t say yes-not right now. You don’t understand-’

‘Then help me to understand. I’m in love with you, and I think you’re in love with me. What else is there?’

‘So many things,’ she whispered. ‘We’ve been living in a little isolated cocoon, but when you return to your real life things will look different. You won’t need me quite so much.’

‘Are you daring to suggest that I want to marry you to protect me from Grace?’

‘No, I think you can manage that by yourself. After this she’ll start to understand that your no is final. But that leaves you free.’

‘Free to marry you. My darling, there’s one aspect of Bully Jack that’s true. They say when he wants something he’s like a terrier-never lets go. I want you, and I’m not letting go. Why do you doubt me? I love you. You’re my heart’s desire, the only woman I’ll ever want and love, for the rest of my life. If I could believe that you feel the same-’

She stopped me with a finger over my lips.

‘Let’s go,’ she said softly.

We walked back to the boat, our arms wrapped around each other, feeling our bodies move in perfect rhythm. Most of the ship’s crew and staff had been allowed to leave, and those that were left kept a discreet distance. We might have been the last two people on earth, wandering through an enchanted ghost ship.

Our packing was done, and the cases had already been placed in a cupboard outside the bedroom. But Della insisted on taking a last look and came up with a prize.

‘Look at this,’ she cried, waving the dowdy nightdress of that first evening. ‘I pushed it under the bed so that nobody saw it. I suppose I could wear it tonight.’

‘Tonight?’ It came out as a yelp of anguish.

‘Well, there’s nobody to fool any more.’

‘Except ourselves,’ I answered. ‘Is that what we’ve been doing? Fooling ourselves? Please don’t say it is.’

‘I suppose it depends what reality is,’ she mused, ‘and how badly you want to get away from it.’

‘No,’ I said, in a voice that surprised even me, ‘no more of that.’

‘What?’

‘No more enigmas. Now it’s time for the truth between us. I need to know how you feel about me, finally. It matters. If the answer’s no, I’ll go and spend tonight in one of the other cabins. We’ve got them all now.’

Her lips twitched. Even now she was teasing me. ‘You’re threatening to sleep in Selina’s cabin?’

‘It’s sure as hell the only way she’d ever get me in there,’ I growled.

She chuckled, and it shook me into fragments, ‘Is that all that “truth” means to you, Jack?’

‘Della, if you’re talking about what I think you are, it’s the only truth I can think of at this moment. Maybe that makes me a shallow character. I don’t know, and right now I don’t care. I’ve offered you my commitment, and now I want to make love to you so badly that it’s driving me crazy.’

Then came the thing I’d been looking for, the little smile, starting at the corner of her lovely mouth and slowly spreading over it, as though all the world was hers to laugh at.

She was laughing at me, big, stupid clown that I was. And everything was wonderful.

She moved towards me, still holding that hideous nightdress. I suppose I must have seized it and tossed it away, but I don’t remember doing so. But I seized her-I remember that-and pulled her hard against me and kissed her in a frenzy.

I may have been fiercer than I meant to be because I was past my limits of endurance by then. But she didn’t seem to mind my rough hands. From the way she pressed against me I could almost believe she wanted me as much as I wanted her.

I loved how she pulled open the buttons of my shirt, not coquettishly, but in a way that was rather businesslike. She just wanted it off. No nonsense. She’d probably have had my trousers off the same way, but I beat her to it.

We’d been naked together before, but it had been an act for Grace’s benefit. This time she was really mine. She was going to marry me. She hadn’t actually said so, but who needed the words? I could feel her consent in the soft movements of her hands over my chest, and the even softer movements of her lips, teasing mine.

No other woman made love like this, as if it came from the heart. Every caress, every whisper was a gift.

She was sweet and melting, heart-stopping and glorious. I thought I knew her body. I’d seen it so often in a bikini, and had it pressed against me for a fleeting moment on that first morning. Now I discovered that I didn’t know it at all.

How could anything feel as smooth as her skin, or as delicate? I was several inches taller, but she solved that problem by standing on my feet and then going on tiptoe, so that my hands could rove more easily over her, rejoicing in hills and valleys. I wanted her more with every moment that passed.

I heard her whispering incoherent words that might have contained my name. I think I spoke her name, or maybe I only spoke words of desire. I’m not sure, because by that time I was beside myself.

When we were together on the bed her face happened to lie in a shaft of moonlight, so that I could see her expression, and it startled me. There was a wildness that I’d never seen before, almost as though she were far away in another world, and not here with me at all.

There was wildness, too, in the way she made love, with nothing held back, inviting me into herself with whole-hearted passion, welcoming me to the heart of her.

We lay together a long time, and when we draw apart it was to return again almost at once. And when desire had abated the love was still there, as bright as ever-brighter, perhaps, now that it was all that was left. We slept in each other’s arms.

I awoke after an hour, convinced I’d heard the noise of weeping. I listened, but there was only silence.

Beside me, Della lay facing in the other direction. I leaned over her.

‘Are you all right?’ I whispered.

She made a muffled sound, then resumed her deep, even breathing.

I settled down again, snuggling up with my arm around her.

When I next awoke it was in the half-light. I’d dreamed of her, and now my dream ran into my waking vision. I wanted her as much as ever.

‘I’m incorrigible,’ I said aloud. ‘I ought to be ashamed of myself.’

Somehow I’d been certain that she would awake at the same moment, and I waited for the enchanting little chuckle I adored. It didn’t come, and suddenly I was aware of some quality in the silence that made me nervous. I switched on the light.

The bed was empty.

There was nobody in the bathroom either.

I toyed with the idea that she might have gone up on deck: anything to avoid facing facts, I suppose. But I had to face them when I saw the letter that she’d left propped up on the dressing table. It was addressed simply Jack.

I stared at it for a long time before I opened it, because I didn’t want to know what it said. Even though I already knew.

Forgive me for leaving you this way, but I’m afraid if we talked face to face I might lose my nerve.

It’s been a wonderful time, so wonderful that it was unreal. Now it’s time for reality again, and that’s where we have to cease to exist for each other. I can’t cross into your life, and you can’t cross into mine.

I cannot marry you, my darling, but I will always treasure the fact that you asked me.

Perhaps I should have left without making love to you, and I tried to. I really did. But I couldn’t make myself refuse. I think you know why. We met for a little time, and it was perfect. We’ll always have that.

But it’s all we can have. Let’s not spoil it by asking for more.

I’ve taken the clothes you bought me, and Charlie. But I couldn’t take the rest of the jewels. You’ll find them locked in the second drawer down on the right.

I hope I gave you something. If I did, it’s nothing to what you gave me. I won’t spoil it by harming you, which is what I would do if I stayed in your life. I’ll never forget you, but I can never see you again. I can’t tell you why.

One last thing. Please, please don’t try to find me. It would be no use, and I truly beg you not to try, because if you found me it would break my heart.

Dearest Jack, goodbye. Goodbye.

Della.

I never knew what winded in the gut meant until I read that letter. For a while I just didn’t believe it. It hadn’t happened because it couldn’t have happened.

We’d found our dream and it would go on and on. Wasn’t that how the story was supposed to end?

But dreams don’t come true like that, and Della, being a woman, was more of a realist than me.

Maybe my mistake came from having too much money. For too long I’d snapped my fingers and what I wanted had been served up on a plate. I’d known straight off that I couldn’t treat her like that-something about the way she kicked my shins, I think-but I’d become used to the luxury of always having her there.

Now it was time for the real world again, and I didn’t like it.

The hints she’d dropped about her other life made me realise how well she’d kept her secrets. I’d angled and teased and fooled myself that I was learning something. But now she’d gone and I didn’t know where to start looking-even if she hadn’t begged me not to.

I checked the drawer, and of course the jewellery was all there, just as she’d said, because she was the most honest person alive.

I dressed and went out to find someone who was up. The sailor on watch was young and not very bright. He told me cheerfully that Miss Martin had left an hour ago.

‘I called a taxi for her, and helped her with her bags.’

‘Did she say why she was leaving so early?’

‘She said there’d been a sudden change of plan and she had to leave urgently. She also said you didn’t want to be disturbed. I hope you weren’t, sir?’

‘No, I definitely wasn’t,’ I said heavily.

He was like an eager puppy, expecting a pat on the head for devastating my life. I resisted the temptation to say he should have awoken me whatever she’d said. He wasn’t my policeman.

I packed the jewels with a heavy heart. With any other woman I’d expect her to come back for the goodies, but not this one. She didn’t want goodies.

I only wished I’d known what she did want. I might have found a way to give it to her.