The Only One

Chapter 26

It took some work but I finally trained myself to let loose and forget all the baggage that was weighing me down. I was able to laugh with my mom and sister at dinner. I could forget about finals and all the stress of school. It was nice just to sit, relax, and not have to worry about anything.

Mom talked to me about getting her real estate license. She said that while insurance had been good to her, it was time for a change. The housing market may have crumbled, but with all of her contacts at work she thought she would have a good start. And with her personality I knew she would do great. Even if she didn’t, even if she failed at it, I would be there for her when she needed someone. Just like her and Valerie were there when I needed them.

But of course there was the white elephant that no one addressed. John. I figured Valerie must have let mom know that we had a fight because she didn’t ask about him at dinner that night or the rest of the weekend while she was home from work. I also didn’t get a single text or phone call from John. I thought maybe he might have been busy with his family, but then I saw pictures of him on Facebook that other people posted. I wanted to throw up. If he could go out with friends then he should have had time to text me.

Maybe it was more than a drunken night. Maybe I said something that I shouldn’t have. I mulled over what to do and it wasn’t until the night before Christmas Eve that I finally got the courage to call him. It went straight to voicemail and I was afraid to leave a message so I just hung up.

Maybe it was late and he was sleeping. Or out with one of the girls that had tagged him in the pictures. There was one particular girl that always had a big cheesy grin when she was in photos with him. I thought about her stupid, smiling face as I laid on my futon, staring at the ceiling. I needed to fold the futon down and put it in the bed position instead of just letting my imagination run wild. I stood up to unfold the bed and then felt the phone vibrate. It couldn’t be.

When I picked up the phone, I saw a picture of me and John from History class. I told him we shouldn’t take pictures during class, but he insisted. And it was a day when he looked particularly hot with a hint of stubble on his chin and his hair gelled and spiky.

He was calling me back. He broke the silence. My fingers were shaking so badly that I almost didn’t answer.

“Hello?”

“Hey,” he breathed.

I expected to hear a loud background noise like he was at a club or something, but there was only silence. He wasn’t out. There wasn’t another girl with him. Hopefully.

“I’m sorry, were you busy?”

“Nah. I had a hard work out today and just got out of the shower. Getting ready for bed.”

“Oh, sorry for disturbing you. I...I...I can let you go.”

“Wait. It’s fine. We should talk. I’ve been meaning to call, but every time I get up the nerve, I just...I don’t know...”

I didn’t reply. We sat in silence for what seemed like forever before he finally spoke again.

“You haven’t called or texted me either,” he blurted.

“I didn’t think you wanted me to. You left me, John. I thought you wanted your space. Especially with the sticky note.”

He sighed. “Yeah, that was a dick move.”

“And I’m wondering what dick move I pulled that made you do that.”

“It wasn’t you, Red. It was me. I should’ve just talked to you instead of storming out.”

“Then why’d you do it?” I blinked, rolling thoughts through my head about that night. The only thing that was coming to mind was my drunken stupor and me taking my shirt off. “You may have to refresh my memory.”

I knew he was rubbing the back of his neck. “I don’t want to relive all of that. I just know that you wanted me and I wanted you, but I couldn’t do it. I just needed to get out and you started talking about cancer and I just lost it. I left without saying goodbye. I should’ve manned up and talked to you, but I couldn’t.”

I let out a breath of air through my nose. “I wish you didn’t leave.”

“I wish I didn’t either. I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too.” I was being honest. I never missed someone so much in my entire life. “Are we going to be okay? Can we go back to how things were?”

He let out a deep breath. “I don’t know, Red. We’ve been through so much it’s kind of hard to just go back and act like nothing ever happened.”

Tears pricked my eyes and my vision blurred. I sat down on the futon, taking a deep breath and tried to steady myself. “I don’t want to lose you, John.”

“I don’t want to lose you either, baby.” His voice took on a soothing tone and I ached to be near him. I wanted to fall into his arms, have him hold me and never let go. “But I’m hurt, you know? There was a lot of emotional shit that went down last night. I feel like you don’t trust me, no matter how many times I’ve tried to prove it to you.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“I think you said enough last night.”

“John!” I protested. “I was wasted.”

“They say alcohol is like truth serum. People say things they’ve been keeping inside. I knew you were pissed about the whole Missy thing and I’ve been trying to make it up to you ever since. It makes me feel like we’re never going to get past that. That everything is always going to bite us in the ass.”

“John...”

“Melanie,” he said in a hoarse tone before he cleared his throat. “I care about you so fucking much. Cancer and all that shit doesn’t matter to me. I could care less if we never had sex and you just let me hold you forever. I wish I could just get that through to you, but it seems like we just keep walking in circles around the same argument.”

“I don’t want to argue with you anymore. I just want you.”

“I want you too. I want to make this work, but I want both of us to want it. And if we aren’t ready to dive into this full force then maybe it’s not worth it.”

A single tear rolled down my cheek. “I...I.. .have to go.” I didn’t want to cry with him on the phone.

“Okay. I understand. I’ll text you later.”

“Goodbye, John.”

“Goodbye, Red.”

I set the phone down and cried. Let all the tears fall onto my face. Tears for me and John’s relationship. Tears for my stupidity. I should have known that I could trust him. He’d done more than prove himself to me. And now because of one mistake I could lose the best thing that ever happened to me.

The next day was Christmas Eve and Mom had to work. She said it would be better when she wasn’t working in the call center, but until then me and Val were stuck without her. We rented some old black and white Christmas movie and sat underneath blankets on the couch.

I tried to focus on the movie, but all I could think about was John. Valerie wanted me to take the keys to her car and drive up to his house in some romantic gesture. But that wouldn’t work since I didn’t know where he lived and I wasn’t sure if he wanted me there. I didn’t even know if I could make the drive with how much I’d cried the night before. I felt like I was a zombie.

“Why can’t all relationships be like the ones in old movies?” I watched as the guy on the screen put his hand on the girl’s cheek and said something unbelievably romantic to her.

“Because guys don’t actually think about what they do or say. These are actors, they have it all written for them,” Valerie said.

The doorbell rang, knocking me and Val out of our conversation. Mom still had to work until seven and we didn't order anything, so I had no idea who could be at the door.

"I guess I'll get it if you're just going to sit there," Val said, pulling the blanket off of her and crawling off the couch.

"Maybe it's just a delivery and they’ll leave the package at the door," I said.

The doorbell rang again like it was taunting me. Valerie didn't even answer me as she strode from the living room to the front entrance.

A few seconds later she was yelling for me. "Melanie! It’s for you!"

It was probably Monica. She should have been back from the Chapmans’ by now. She was probably coming by to give me all the details of what Christmas Eve day was like with Trey's family.

I tossed aside my blanket and trudged to the front foyer. But it wasn't Monica at all. Standing in his NorthFace jacket with snow atop his brown hair was John and my heart was in my throat.

“I-I-I wasn’t expecting you,” I stuttered. I could barely form any words. I was scared that we wouldn’t talk before we returned to school. I thought I’d have more time to think of what to say. But now he was standing there, looking every bit of sexy as always, but with a hint of sadness in his eyes.

“And I think that’s my cue to leave.” Valerie grabbed her coat from the rack and slid it on. “I’m just going for a drive. A long drive. And I’ll make sure to knock. A lot. Before I come home.” She raised her eyebrows, giving me a sly smile before she walked out the front door, closing it tightly behind her.

“That’s why I’m here, Red.” He took a step closer, rubbing the back of his neck. “After talking to you last night, I couldn’t sleep. I needed to talk to you. See you. I wanted to leave as soon as we got off the phone, but thought better of it. So I waited until this morning.”

How did you find out where I lived?” I arched an eyebrow.

“Monica.”

“Guess that makes sense.” I stared at my feet, tracing a small circle on the entryway tile with my foot.

“So, can we talk?”

I looked up, meeting his eyes. He definitely wasn’t lying when he said he didn’t sleep. The bags under his eyes were evident. “Yeah. We can talk.” I pointed to the closet. “You can hang up your coat in there and come in the living room.”

“Okay.” He unzipped his coat and shrugged it off before hanging it in the closet. He kept his eyes on me the entire time as if he’d blink and I’d be gone.

“Living room is this way.” I took small steps backward and he followed behind. I grabbed the remote and paused the movie, right at a scene in which the male lead had the woman in an embrace, their lips only inches apart.

“What are you watching?” He glanced at the screen, shoving his hands into his pockets.

“Some old Christmas movie. Valerie loves these things.”

“Oh.” He traced a small circle in the carpet with his foot. I’d never seen John nervous. He had always been so sure of himself. This was a side of him that I’d never seen. His vulnerable side. It made me want to wrap my arms around him, breathe him in and make it better.

“So...what do you want to talk about?”

He took a few steps closer until we were toe-to-toe. “I thought a lot about this on the way over. It probably sounded a lot better in my head, but I’m going to try.”

“Okay...”

He cupped my face in his hands. His eyes were so blue they could have lit up any night sky. “I love you, Melanie Wilder. I love you so fucking much that I can’t believe how stupid I’ve been. I should have realized it a long time ago. It’s why I didn’t sleep with you that night. I wanted you to remember it. I wanted to savor every moment with you and not worry about anything but how you feel against me.”

My knees felt like they were about to give out and I was glad he was holding me. He did love me. He loved me just as much as I loved him. The foul-mouthed fraternity guy. The vulnerable man. All of him was mine. I did the only thing there was left to do. “I love you too, John.” I leaned forward, unable to keep the smile off my face. “You’re the most amazing person. I thought I was so broken. That because of my cancer my world was going to fall apart.” I took his hand, lacing our fingers together. “Then you showed me that I wasn’t broken, just bent. You fixed me.”

He shook his head slowly, tracing his thumb along my palm. “You’re the one that fixed me. Before you I was the misunderstood bull. The guy that people thought just wanted to fuck or fight and you saw past that. You showed me that I could be something more.”

He grinned and pulled back slightly, digging through his pocket before he pulled out a small, gray box. “But I hope that you still want this. I didn’t know what I’d do if you wouldn’t have talked to me. If you would have just told me to leave.”

I raised an eyebrow but took the box from his hand and opened it. Inside was a necklace with a bronze heart charm. The words ‘The Only One’ were stamped on it.

He rubbed the back of his neck. “I know. It’s kind of cheesy, but my sister-in-law makes this hand stamped jewelry shit and I saw this heart design and thought it was perfect for you. I even picked out the words and she gave me a hard time about it. If you think it’s stupid, I’ll take it back.”

He wasn’t the bull at all. The guy who I didn’t think of as more than a quick lay when I met him, turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me. He thought about me when I wasn’t around and even came up with a very special Christmas gift. I felt the tears welling in my eyes. For once they were happy tears. “I don’t think it’s stupid at all.” I looked up from the necklace to meet his gaze. “I’ll still be your only one if you want me.”

John took the box from me, placing it on the table next to the couch. He grinned, leaning in so that his breath was on my lips. “Red, there is never going to be another one.”

He kissed me with such force that it took my breath away. His tongue found mine and he rolled it against my mouth. His smile was evident with each kiss. His lips trailed to my ear as he whispered, “I love you. I can’t believe I finally said it. God, I love you.”

I raked my fingers through his hair and his hands trailed from my face down to my butt, grasping it tightly. I ran my fingers over the top of his thin t-shirt and could feel the hard contours of his chest.

“Here, lemme help you with that,” he whispered and pulled his lips away long enough to peel his shirt off.

I traced my fingers along his bull tattoo. “Do I get to be the matador? I promise I won’t distract you.”

He leaned in, pressing his forehead to mine. “You’ve always been the matador. You always will be.”

I grinned, grabbing his wrists and walking him backward toward the hallway.

“You don’t have some random sex room that you’re taking me to, do you?”

I kept my face neutral as I pulled him by the belt loops to my bedroom, quickly throwing the door open and pulling him through.

“Ah, the bedroom.” He grinned.

I shut the door behind him and then put my hands back on his chest, running my fingers along his tattoos and down his abs.

“Don’t tease me. I don’t think I can take it.”

A small smile crossed my face as I pushed him forward until he was at the futon. He took my hands and tried to pull me down with him.

I shook my head and stayed in a standing position. I ripped off my shirt, tossing it on the ground before I climbed on top of him, straddling his hips. I rocked my pelvis up to his groin, feeling the ever growing bulge in his pants. “Just taking charge,” I whispered into his lips before running my tongue along them.

He grinned and then his fingers made tiny circles on my back as his tongue found mine again. “God that’s hot.” He reached one of his hands up and unhooked my bra with such ease I wondered how many times he’d done that. I shrugged it off my shoulders and he broke our kiss, moving his lips down to my neck and then stripping off my bra.

I sucked in a breath as the air hit my breasts and moaned when he put his hands on them. His fingers drew small circles on my nipples, building my body up to eruption.

He pulled his lips from mine, smiling. “I think I owe you something.” He flipped me on to my back, hovering over me while his fingers made quick work of unzipping and unbuttoning my jeans, stripping them off of me and throwing them to the floor so I was left in just my panties. Thank God I was wearing a silk pair instead of granny panties.

He moved his lips to the waistband, kissing and nibbling the sensitive skin right above it before lowering my panties down my thighs with his teeth . I sucked in a deep breath, my body warming from his touch.

“You-you-you don’t have to do this,” I stammered, but even as I said the words I didn’t believe them.

John sat up and tugged my panties off, his thumb running along my inner thighs. “I want to do this for you, baby.”

He moved his thumb to my clit, drawing small circles over it, and I forgot all about trying to protest as a low moan escaped my lips.

“I’m not going to stop here baby, so don’t come yet.” He bent down, his thumb still circling as he kissed a line from my belly button down to my clit. I thought his tongue might replace his thumb, but instead it went lower, twirling inside of me while his finger ran circles along my clit. His mouth picked up the pace, his stubble tickling my inner thighs. I gripped his hair to keep my body steady with each mind-blowing flick of his tongue. I felt him groan against me and that was all I needed to erupt, my toes curling and my body shaking in its wake.

He pulled back, shifting his hands to the side of my body as he hovered over me. “I love it when you come undone for me.”

He leaned in and kissed me. I wanted to object to opening my mouth and tasting myself on him, but when his tongue ran along my bottom lip, I couldn’t protest.

“I hope you don’t think we’re done,” I said breathlessly as I moved my hands to the waistband of his jeans.

“You don’t need to return the favor.”

I shook my head and unzipped his pants, grabbing his rock hardness in my hands. “I want you inside of me.”

He sucked in a breath through his teeth. “Are you sure? Because once we start I won’t stop and if after your surgery and all that you’re still sore—”

I cut him off by leaning in and biting his bottom lip. “I want you in me, Jonathan Walden.” I yanked his pants and boxers down until they were at his feet and he kicked them off.

“I love this take charge girl.” He grinned, but then his face fell when he reached into his pocket.

“What’s wrong?” I propped up on my elbows. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No...um...I didn’t exactly think we’d be doing this so I didn’t bring any protection.”

I smiled slowly and reached over to my purse on the nightstand. I fished around for the condoms that I’d grabbed at Student Health Services the day I planned on getting birth control.

“What the hell? Where did you get all of those?” His eyes widened.

“Better safe than sorry. And I plan on being safe. A lot.”

The grin returned to his lips as I ripped open the foil packet and rolled it on him like my life depended on it.

“I love you, Melanie.” He spread my legs, putting his hands on my waist as he slowly inched inside of me. I gasped, feeling his fullness with each ridge sending a new wave of pleasure and pain through me. He stilled inside of me, as if relishing the moment. Then he thrusted deeper inside of me, rocking his hips against mine like he did on the dance floor. But this was even more mind blowing, every part of my body tingling with pleasure from his touch.

With each movement, I felt like an invisible wall was being taken down. I was finally able to let go. I didn’t think about cancer or measuring up. He rubbed his thumb in circles on my clit while he continued rocking inside of me. I came around him over and over, finally letting go. I was glad Valerie wasn’t home because it was hard to keep quiet with the way my body responded to his.

“Baby, you’re gonna make me come if you keep going like that,” he said breathlessly.

I grabbed onto his hair, tugging it forcefully. “I wanna make you let go. Let me drive.”

I put my hands on his shoulders and inched him backward until he was in a sitting position with me on top, facing him. I wrapped my legs tightly around his waist and pushed him deeper inside of me.

His eyes widened and he moaned into my lips. “Oh, fuck, baby.”

We moved in unison, slowly and then faster. His fingers gripped onto my ass. “Let go for me, John.”

With that I felt him shudder inside of me, a low groan escaping his lips before he laid his head on my chest, his movements coming to a complete stop.

“That was amazing. You’re amazing,” he said between breaths.

“You are, John.” I kissed his temple. “But as much as I’d love to stay here, naked with you, we should probably get our clothes on so my sister doesn’t come home and find us like this.”

I climbed off of him, feeling almost as good getting out as he did coming in. I slowly sat up, still feeling the aftershocks of pleasure, but knew I had to get some clothes on. Once we were both dressed and he discarded the condom in the trash, I lead him out into the living room.

John plopped down on the couch and I sat next to him, resting my head on his shoulder as he slid his arm around my waist and pulled me closer. John kissed my forehead and then leaned back to look into my eyes.

“As great as that was, I just wanted you to know that I do love you. So much. I’ve gone too long without being in love and when I finally let go, and let myself love you, it’s been the most amazing thing in the world,” he said with his eyes never leaving mine.

I was about to give into a kiss when my phone vibrated on the table. I glanced over, expecting it to be Valerie asking when she could come home, but it was a different number. Dr. Rodriguez’ number.

“Hold that thought, baby.” I put my hand up and reached over, picking up the phone and sliding it up to my ear. “Hello, this is Melanie.”

John eyed me skeptically so I mouthed ‘doctor.’ He nodded in response, taking my free hand in his again.

“Hi Melanie, this is Dr. Rodriguez. I know this is a holiday, so I hope I’m not disturbing you.”

“No, no it’s fine.”

“Okay, good. I just knew you were waiting on these results and they came in early, so I thought I’d give you a Christmas gift. The tests came back and there aren’t any remaining cancer cells on your cervix.”

“What? No cancer? I’m cured?”

She laughed lightly. “We like to call it remission, but yes. Basically. I’d still like to see you in my office next week to go over follow ups, but I thought you’d like the news early.”

The tears flowed freely from my eyes. Not like the tears from the first phone call, but bright happy tears that I couldn’t hold back. “Thank you so much, Dr. Rodriguez.”

“You’re welcome, Melanie. Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas to you, too.”

I hung up the phone and then looked at John. There were tears in his eyes as well. “Is it true, Red? No more cancer?”

I nodded and then leapt into his waiting arms as he embraced me in a huge hug. “That’s fucking awesome.”

“It is, isn’t it?” I sniffled into his chest.

He pulled back, wiping the tears from under my eyes. “This is turning out to be a better Christmas than I thought.”

“And none of it would have been possible without you.”

He slowly shook his head. “I don’t think you give yourself enough credit. It was all you.”

“But I wouldn’t have wanted to do any of it without you, John. I love you.”

“I love you too, Melanie. And I always will.”