The Return of Cord Navarro

Chapter 10

Matt pulled off his boot and twisted his foot around so he could stare at his heel, but the moon wasn’t bright enough to be much help. Despite his aching knees, he’d felt the blister all the time he was walking today and had hoped it wouldn’t pop. Well, it had. As an owl complained about something, he tried to remember what his mother had said about how to take care of a blister.

Mom wasn’t here. He’d have to figure out what to do on his own. After a moment he had an idea. He’d clean the blister in the little creek he’d come across just before dark and then leave it open to the air during the night. Air was good for a lot of things, wasn’t it? That had to be why Mom blew on his scrapes and scratches.

Had Mom called around to see what he was up to after all? Sure, she’d said she wasn’t going to because she knew he would be safe at the campground, but she sometimes still thought of him as a little kid. If she learned-

Learned what? Kevin promised he wouldn’t tell.

Kevin’s a jerk. Besides, if she so much as sees him, she’ll know Something happened.

She won’t. She promised.

Yeah. And you promised you’d go to that dumb old campground with Kevin.

Sick of what was going on inside him, he scurried on hands and knees to the tree he’d decided to spend the night under. The moon was glinting off the little bit of water just enough to turn the darkness there a real interesting-looking silver. Maybe in the morning he’d spot a fish and figure out a way to catch it. He wasn’t sure what he’d do with the fish once he had it, but he’d seen his father cut some open and hoped he’d remember how.

What was he thinking? There wouldn’t be any creek here if it wasn’t for the last bit of snow runoff. Fish weren’t in it, just some little insects and maybe frogs. Besides, he didn’t have any way of cooking anything and he’d never kill something he didn’t have a use for. That’s what his dad al ways said, don’t kill anything if there’s any other way. He wanted his dad to be proud of him.

Wait a minute! Maybe Dad was looking for him. Oh, gosh! If Mom had somehow learned that he’d decided to climb Copper, she would have found a way to get in touch with Dad.

He couldn’t let his dad find him. No way! For a moment, he nearly changed his mind; he didn’t like how that stupid old owl kept hooting as if he was laughing at him. But he’d fallen asleep last night listening to an owl and his father’s calm voice inside his head and hadn’t woken up even once. There wasn’t anything to be afraid of in an owl. Or in a bear. His dad had told him that years ago and he hadn’t forgotten, still believed.

Just the same, he looked around, wondering despite himself if he might see little bear eyes staring at him. Instead he heard more owls and buzzing insects and other things he didn’t recognize and the wind slapping away at the pine needles in the trees. And then he noticed something glowing off in the distance. Maybe someone a long way away had a powerful flashlight, maybe one of those heavy things he’d seen police carry.

Seeing proof that he wasn’t alone up here reminded him of the smoke he’d noticed yesterday. There had been a lot of smoke, too much in fact. If he had a match and it was all right to build one here, he sure wouldn’t make one like that. If those people-whoever they were-weren’t careful and started another fire, they might set the woods on fire.

His dad would never do anything like that. Cord Navarro knew how to build a fire that used just the littlest bit of wood and hardly made any smoke but would keep a person warm for hours. Indians did neat stuff like that, and his dad knew more about the woods and fire building and bears and stuff than any of the Indians he’d ever seen on TV or at the movies.

If his dad was anywhere around, he sure wasn’t with whoever had the flashlight. He was positive of that because his dad would have somehow sensed he wasn’t alone out here-would know how close his son was.

Those guys, whoever they were, must be hikers. What other reason would they have to be way up here on Copper?

“What the hell are you doing?”

Whirling, Owen tucked the flashlight against his soft belly as if trying to protect both it and him. “Nothing.”

What was it with Owen? Chuck Markham thought. The man had to be at least forty and yet he acted like some lamebrain kid. “You’re going to use up that damn thing.”

He indicated the flashlight, not caring that both Elliot and Andrew had stopped their conversation to listen.

“I heard something.” Owen pointed at the trees. “I was trying to figure out what it was.”

“Owls.” Chuck snorted. “You heard owls. This area’s lousy with them.”

“That’s about the only thing.” Elliot spoke up. “Look, the three of us have been talking. So far the only thing we’ve gotten out of this hunting trip is blisters and a lot of hype from you, plus too damn much criticism. If you think you’re going to get more out of us by dragging things out, you’ve got another think coming”

“Is that what you think?” Chuck challenged. Flashlight still tucked against his belly, Owen had sidled closer to Elliot and Andrew, leaving him standing alone. “I thought you said you’d checked out my reputation before signing on with me. If you didn’t like what you heard, what are you doing here?”

Elliot laughed, his voice going high at the end. “You know better than we do that the country’s not exactly crawling with guides willing to give us what we want.”

What Elliot was saying was that not many people had the guts to risk imprisonment because a sizable chunk of money was waved under their chin. Fine. He didn’t mind being one of a kind. “We’ll find what you’re after,” he said. “Keep those rifles loaded, gentlemen. You’re about to get what you came for.”

“Cord? My mother wants to talk to you.”

Surprised, Cord took the two-way radio from Shannon. Elizabeth’s voice sounded slightly hollow and jerky, but despite the distance that separated them, he heard everything she said. “I didn’t have time to talk to you before you started after Matt,” she said. “And when we talked earlier it was pretty businesslike. I hope you haven’t settled down for the night.”

He wasn’t sure whether he’d be able to sleep tonight, not unless he could shut off memories of those risky moments he and Shannon had spent in each other’s arms. That and men’s footprints. “Not yet,” he told his former mother-in-law.

“I just want you to know,” Elizabeth continued. “I’m sure you’ve heard this already-but I’m so glad it’s you up there. Cord, there’s no doubt? You’re sure it’s my grandson you’re tracking?”

He told her he had no doubt, then waited for what else she needed to say. Last Christmas when he’d come by to pick up Matt, he’d felt awkward being in the same room with Shannon’s parents while Matt unwrapped his presents. Christmas was family time and he wasn’t part of their family anymore. Since the divorce, he’d kept his contact with Matt’s grandparents to a minimum, assuming that was what they wanted.

Tonight none of that mattered.

“I know I shouldn’t allow myself to think about everything that can go wrong,” Elizabeth was saying. “Everyone tells me to think positive. And I do-but…”

He didn’t need further explanation. Wasn’t his own mind full of thoughts of what might happen if Matt had an accident or the poachers mistook his son for some animal? “Elizabeth, just before it got dark, Shannon and I placed our hands over the mark Matt made sleeping last night. What I’ve seen this afternoon convinces me he’s in good shape physically.” Except that he’s limping. “We’ll find him.” If a bullet doesn’t first.

“You promise me?”

Not once in his career had he allowed himself to be backed into making a commitment beyond his control. But it was different this time. Elizabeth was asking her former son-in-law, the man who’d gotten her teenage daughter pregnant, to take responsibility for the result of that pregnancy in a way far more important than any that had gone before.

“I promise,” he said when he knew he might not be able to make good on his words.

“Oh…Cord? It helps to hear you say that. I can’t tell you how much.”

He didn’t have to be told; he heard it in her voice. Careful to keep emotion out of his voice, he said that from what he’d been able to tell, Matt wasn’t frightened. Lost but not scared. “You should be proud of him. I am. A lot of children in his position frighten themselves. Their fear works against them.”

“If he’s not afraid, it’s because of what you’ve taught him.”

I haven’t taught him enough. “I hope so,” he told her honestly. In the few minutes they’d been talking, her voice had lost its taut tone. I’m sorry, he wanted to tell her. Sorry I robbed your daughter of the last of her girlhood and made her a woman too soon. Sorry I didn’t turn out to be what she needed.

“Cord? Just bring him back to me, please. Holding him is the only thing I want in life. Shannon, too-I’m sure of that.”

The only thing she wants in life. Of course. Nothing else mattered.

In the half hour since they’d pulled out of each other’s arms, he had busied himself with tending to their boots and taking mental pictures of their surroundings in an effort to determine where Matt was most likely to be. He’d told Shannon what he was doing because he knew she needed to hear that, but he’d barely been able to put the words together. Too much energy bad gone into trying to make his body forget what holding her had done to his self-control. She’d wanted and needed the embrace as much as he did; he’d never doubt that. They’d been like birds about to take flight, testing the wind, eager for that incredible sense of freedom. But they’d both seen the danger in time.

He acknowledged what remained of his need for her and again cast it off. That time in each other’s arms had been insanity, the result of too much tension and isolation.

Maybe not insanity. Maybe echoes of something they’d once had but had died long ago.

An ache behind his right temple served as the distraction he needed. This wasn’t the time for letting the past overtake him. He had to concentrate on his surroundings, and learn who might be sharing it with them.

And when he had that information, he would have to tell Shannon. Somehow.

Shannon could only guess at Cord’s reaction to what her mother had said to him. Obviously something had hit a nerve with him. Nothing else would have made him walk out into the dark until, if it hadn’t been for the moon, he would have disappeared completely.

Earlier tonight she hadn’t been able to look at him without remembering the seemingly endless dance of their lovemaking, wanting back what had brought them together all those years ago. She’d always accepted his silence in bed. What had she needed with words back then when his body spoke for him? Only, time and wisdom and experience had taught her that a body wasn’t enough. The holes in him, his incomplete heart, his inability to see into her and understand that she needed more than sex-needed compassion and emotional honesty, those were the things that had torn them apart. And what had taken him from her side tonight.

Unmindful of her bare feet, she stood and started toward him. She wasn’t sure why, just that she sensed that something precious was in danger of fading into the night and if she didn’t reach out for it, she might spend the rest of her life regretting it. Talking about Summer, learning that he carried their daughter’s picture, had caused some of her melancholy. As for the rest-She tried to walk silently the way Cord had done several times today when observing some wild creature. It seemed to her that she didn’t make any sound, but if Cord could sense the presence of fox kits hidden beneath the ground, surely he sensed her.

Still, he didn’t turn. Maybe he didn’t care. Maybe… Knowing she might be risking a return to what bad been so hard to break free from earlier, she touched his back. He didn’t move and yet she sensed something change deep within him. “My mother said something that’s bothering you, didn’t she? I wish you’d talk to me about it,” she whispered. There was just the two of them in this world of night and wilderness sounds. Just this man who had embraced and been embraced by that wilderness.

He remained still, not speaking for so long that she began to break inside. Then, “She said that having Matt back is the only thing she wants in life. You, too.”

Her mother’s words hit her with the force of a blow. They must have done the same to Cord, and that’s why he’d let darkness absorb him. “It’s the truth.”

“I know.”

“But… didn’t you expect that from her?”

Through her fingers, she felt him draw in a deep breath. “I didn’t expect her to be that honest with me.”

Why? Oh, Cord, what does it feel like to be set apart from others this way? “My mother believes in keeping her opinions to herself, not that I have to tell you that. It took this for her to break through all those polite layers.”

She thought that might turn him around, but he continued to stare off at nothing. Only the night wasn’t nothing for him. He knew which creatures embraced it, who hunted and who was hunted. Lost in thoughts of his place in a mountain night, she ran his shirt fabric between her fingers. He shifted his weight so that he now angled himself toward her slightly. “Why did you come back here?” he asked.

“To Summit County?” Is this what we’re going to talk about? Decisions from the past?

“You were so eager to leave it. When we got married, you told me you needed to move away so you could get an education and make use of it.”

“I did say that, didn’t I?” Almost before the words were out of her mouth, she winced. After everything they’d shared in the past few days, she didn’t want to skirt around his question. “I don’t know why I returned. At least, I didn’t know what I was going to do when I packed my bags and… and-”

“When you walked out of the apartment we were living in.”

We? He’d hardly ever been there. Although she now felt petty saying it, she reminded him that she’d paid the utilities and rent before leaving, even stocked the refrigerator for him.

“I never spent another night in it.”

She hadn’t known that. “Why not?”

“The memories.”

Memories. “I should have-I didn’t know how to handle any of that.”

He nodded. “Neither did I.”

“Oh. Oh.”

He turned fully around, presenting himself to her, taking over everything. “Did your parents want you to live near them?”

“They…had nothing to do with my decision.” She didn’t dare acknowledge his gaze; she might forget what she wanted him to understand. “I got in the car and started driving. This is where I wound up. Of course, my folks were happy and for a while I let them spoil me. But-”

“But you don’t like it when someone tries to take care of you.”

He knew that about her. What else hadn’t the years erased? “No. I don’t.” She thought about rubbing warmth into her arms, but he might guess she felt uncomfortable in her body. She finally gripped her right elbow with her left hand. “I think, when I realized I couldn’t spend another night waiting for you to be there for me-to look at you and think of you as a stranger-nothing but home called to me.”

“Your childhood home, not the one we’d made.”

“We didn’t have a home. Not what I needed, thought I needed. Oh, Cord, I was so confused. Hurting. All I knew was, I would lose my mind if I didn’t do something. I knew I needed space around me. That apartment you felt penned up in, it got that way for me, too. I needed to smell pines and look at mountains and…and support Matt and myself doing something I loved. I needed to go on with life.” Put you behind me.

“You’ve done well,” he said softly. “You’ve made a success of your business.”

She’d been concentrating on where his voice came from for so long that her mind filled in what her eyes couldn’t see in the dark. She knew he’d removed his boots and was walking around barefoot just like her. It wouldn’t take much for the wilderness to absorb him; if it did, would she ever find him again? “It’s been a lot of work, but then, I don’t have to tell you what it’s like to be self-employed. You know about the sacrifices, the uncertainty.”

“Yes.” His voice threatened to encircle her. She started to fight it, but that single word was so quickly followed by others that she remained off balance. “Only, when it’s something you truly want to do, or feel compelled to do, it doesn’t feel like a sacrifice, does it?”

“No. It doesn’t.”

“Matt’s proud of you.”

Warmth at Matt’s endorsement spread through her, followed by even more realization of how much communication took place between father and son. Maybe Matt even sensed his father’s presence tonight. She could at least hope. “He can see what I’m doing on a daily basis. A lot of kids can’t say that.”

“I know.”

She thought she understood what was behind Cord’s pensive tone, that he envied what she had. She nearly told him so, but everything they said to each other seemed so complex and she was worn out from trying to deal with her reaction to being here, alone, with him. She shifted her weight onto her right leg and began absently rubbing her hand up and down her arm. “I thought Matt might balk at having to help with the horses. A lot of his friends don’t have any real responsibilities and have a lot more free time. But I don’t think he minds. At least, he’s never said.”

“He doesn’t mind.”

“He told you that?”

“Yes,” Cord said softly. She thought he’d said something else but just then an owl let out with an indignant call that momentarily stopped all conversation.

“Maybe we’re disturbing him,” she ventured a few seconds later. “After all, he was here first.”

“He’s passing along information to other owls.”

“What kind of information? That there are intruders around?”

“Yes.”

“Then-Cord, if the owls are talking about Matt as well as us, would you know?”

“No. Not unless he was close.”

She knew she’d been grasping at straws when she asked her question. Still, his denial depressed her more than it should.

Unsure what to do with herself now, she made a move as if to turn back to her bed roll.

“Shannon?”

“Yes?”

“There’s something…”

“Something? What?” she prompted.

“We aren’t… there are-does… does it bother you that it’s just us looking for him? You haven’t said.”

That’s not what he’d started out to say. She knew that instinctively. But because she understood all too well the folly of pressing Cord to reveal something he didn’t want to, she told him she trusted his judgment in this. He was following Matt’s tracks. There wasn’t anything a hundred searchers could do that wasn’t being done by them.

But what she felt went deeper than practical considerations. It was somehow fitting that they were the ones intent on bringing their son back where he belonged. In this world of complex organizations, rules and regulations, sometimes parents simply needed to be the ones doing the job that instinct and love and commitment had prepared them for. “I want us to find him, for us to be the first people he sees when he realizes he’s no longer lost. A kind of bonding.”

“Bonding?”

“Yes. No matter what you and I are to each other, we created a child. Two children. That’s precious.”

When he didn’t say anything else and she couldn’t find a way around the emotion that clogged her entire being, she turned her attention to where she was going to spend the night. Although she stepped on a pinecone and felt a stab of pain in her instep, she managed to make her way back to her bed. She sat down, aware that her brain wasn’t nearly as tired as her body and that sleep might be hours away.

They’d created a child. Two children.

And Cord carried pictures of both of them.

He’d left his shelter of darkness. She could hear him moving around. “Does it bother you, not having a fire?” he asked.

“If I thought Matt would see it, I’d have already set the woods afire. But you’re sure he’s far enough away that he couldn’t see one, aren’t you?”

“I’m sorry.”

The words were simple enough but there was nothing uncluttered in the emotion behind them. As if drawn to Cord by what was going on inside him, she got up and walked over to stand beside him. The moonlight had made its impact on his features. He was now a dark, brooding, silver-touched melody of shadow. She was unable to do more than guess at what was going on behind the dark center of his eyes, so she took her cue from what she knew about him.

He was lost deep in that place he went when she’d never been able to reach him. Too many times she’d asked for an explanation of what he was thinking about and had to settle for what little he’d been willing or able to give her. Tonight she wouldn’t try, not because she didn’t care but because for once she didn’t need words from him.

She’d simply stand beside him and share a little of herself. And she wouldn’t listen to her body’s restless hum. Somehow.

“I think, if I wasn’t doing what I am, I might want to be an astronomer,” she told him. She was grasping at the first thing to come to mind. “I don’t know what qualifications I’d have to bring to the job-probably a lot more schooling. But I love the idea of discovering some unknown moon, maybe a whole galaxy. I’d engage in lofty discussions with other scientists about whether there’s more intelligent life out there.”

“I hope there is.”

“Because maybe they’ve come up with some solutions we haven’t?”

“That’s part of it. And because I want to see if they have big heads and eyes and long, thin fingers.”

His attempt at humor made her smile. “What about you? Are you at all interested in doing anything else?”

“Archaeology.”

“You’re serious? You’d really like to dig in the dirt for signs of ancient life?”

“Yeah. I would.” He sounded pensive.

“Why?” she prompted. She’d had to push him so many times in the past that it came instinctively.

“Curiosity, I guess. Maybe I’m looking for my roots.”

Gray Cloud had been his only roots. “You never told me that.”

“I never used to think about it, but… There’s a place in California’s Saline Valley where the Shoshone Indians once had a winter camp. Their civilization may have been over six thousand years old when the white man came. Six thousand years.” Wonder painted his tone. “I was there once on a search and stayed an extra week talking to BLM archaeologists about Shoshone art and religious beliefs.”

“A week? It must have made quite an impression to keep you in one place that long.”

“It did. And it made me aware of how little I know about a great deal of my own heritage. Since then I’ve been intrigued by what ancient civilizations left behind. Nevada, southeastern Oregon, the four corners area, all that and more is rich with remnants of the past, if people who know what they’re looking for can get to it before vandals do.”

“I hope that happens. I mean it, I’ve never heard you talk about this kind of thing before.”

“I think, until just a while ago, I was too young to be interested in the past. Really interested.”

And now he was. Circumstances had taken him to part of the country and an experience that excited him and opened him up to interests he’d never expected. Would that continue throughout his life, or was he reaching into the past because his present felt incomplete?

With a silent groan, she shook off the heavy thought. “I love looking at stars.” She was barely aware of what she was saying. “There’s an endlessness about them. A permanence. And yet they’re so illusive, so mysterious. I know it’s been said a million times, but I feel as if I could reach out and touch one.”

“What would you do if you could?”

The question was so totally unlike Cord to ask that it turned her toward him. He waited in dark as old and enduring as the stars. This mountain was his place, the night with its stars and moon created for him. “Do?”

“I’m trying to picture you standing on the top of a mountain holding a star in your hand.”

Oh, Cord. “You are?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Why? Being here with you…”

She didn’t want him to say anything that might make her feel even more off balance than she already did. Another word, a whisper, a touch, and she’d spin off into eternity. Stil-“What about our being here together?”

“I think you know.”

He’d sounded unsure of himself a few heartbeats ago. Now he was once again the strong, confident man she’d fallen in love with and-in many ways-still loved. She wanted to be like him, to have control over her emotions, but how could she if they were alone, together, and the night had them in its embrace?

“Do you?” he pressed.

Do I what? Your voice-just your voice. “Cord? Cord, there isn’t enough of me left over to try to deal with anything except Matt.” Liar.

He rocked forward slightly and then back. The movement did beautiful and mysterious things to his features as the moon caressed him. He looked unreal, a mountain man created from wilderness and wind. She didn’t know how to stop her reaction or even if she wanted to. But to tell him?

Only an insane woman would try to touch a bolt of lightning.