Tiny Tim

Chapter 4

I spent most of the next day in school looking at the girls around me, thinking about what Tess had said. Her encouraging me to try girls my own age bothered me more than I thought she realized. I just couldn’t help but develop serious feelings for her. After all the disdain and ridicule I had experienced from the girls surrounding me in that school and even at home, she was the first who accepted and wanted me. So, when she told me to get a girl my own age just to prove how she, an experienced woman, was better than them ... I didn’t know if I should feel sad about her not taking our relationship as seriously as I did, or just accept it as something kinky.

I realized quickly that it was not going to happen anyway, though. Sure, the girls looked at me differently ever since my makeover, or at least with less obvious contempt, but I was still absolutely clueless about how to even approach a female of my species after years of bullying. After hooking up with Tess so many times, I had regained some self respect and confidence. I was, however, still eating alone in the cafeteria, sitting alone in the library, and was still picked last when teams in PE were formed. There was no way I could just walk up to a girl I didn’t even know and ask her for a date, providing new ammunition to make fun of me with if she blew me off. And I didn’t expect any one of them to just walk up to me and do it herself, despite me looking better now, since I still wasn’t welcome at parties and gathering spots.

The only one I kept making some progress with was my English teacher, Mrs Jenkins. She knew exactly how I was looking at her, and she made no secret of it anymore. While she didn’t openly embrace it, she did seem to give me an increasing number of opportunities to appreciate her assets. When she was checking someone’s work, she would normally lean over the student’s shoulder. But for me, every so often, she would lean down in front of me, with the top three buttons of her blouse opened, allowing me to explore her ample cleavage in great detail. Whenever she noticed my involuntary reactions to that sight, a small smile of satisfaction would curl her lips.

As it turned out, however, I didn’t even need to look for girls at school. The next Friday was Ava’s birthday and, just as announced during the Thanksgiving dinner, she had friends over for a sleepover, with the parents at Uncle John’s. It was one of the first days I had to wear my new suit to work, because part of my new job was to plan and oversee the installation of surveillance equipment and software. So, Bill decided that I should be part of the initial meetings with the clients requiring such installations in their estates.

Despite what happened at Thanksgiving, I set out to look for something special I could get her. Ava was the only one who hadn’t gotten a reminder of our familial bonds yet. Well, except for Logan, but as I already said, he can eat a bag of dicks for all I cared. Although I had told myself that I didn’t want to buy their affection with gifts after the Nest Egg Necklace for Claire didn’t have the desired effect, it at least did have some effect. She did try to initiate a conversation multiple times, even if she bailed out every time for some reason. Maybe, whatever had stopped Claire from going through with it wouldn’t be such a problem for Ava.

I had overheard her talk on and on about wanting a new purse from someone she called “Kate Spade”, because she envied one of her friends who had one. Sadly, I still had absolutely no clue about fashion. Since Tess did a good job with my new outfits, and was a woman, I talked her into helping me choose a purse. Actually holding it in my hands, I couldn’t figure out why anybody would ever want one of these things. They were so small I could barely fit my fist inside, so they were utterly useless as a bag. It was called the “Essential” model, so I guess they didn’t exactly intend people to use them for camping, but then again, why did such a small thing cost $198 dollars!? I just resigned myself to giving it a try, and had the clerk put it in a gift bag. In addition, I talked Tess out of a champagne bottle and decorated it with some ribbons.

When I came back from work at around Eight PM, Ava and her friends were apparently taking a break from enjoying the hot tub, because they were all wearing swimsuits. While Ava was in the kitchen, her three friends were spending time on the sofa with Logan. I knew two of the three girls. One of them was Mia, Ava’s oldest friend since they were little. She was also Jack’s little sister. Since I publicly knocked her big brother out, she usually regarded me with disdain. I only knew the second girl from looks, since I had seen her often at school hanging around Ava and Mia, where she was pretty much indifferent to me. The third girl was vaguely familiar, but I couldn’t really place her.

So, when I stepped into the living room, all eyes were on me, and the contrast was hilarious.

At that moment, the slim fit suit was working its magic by perfectly showing off the fruits of my daily training, and those three girls ogled me without even trying to hide it. The unknown girl wasn’t just ogling me, she was watching me with borderline hunger. Logan, on the other hand, seemed pleasantly unhappy about the attention I was receiving from these girls, who seemed to have momentarily forgotten about him even being there.

I turned to the kitchen and walked towards Ava, who, for some reason, seemed uncomfortable upon seeing me. She came out of the kitchen and met me halfway.

“Happy Birthday.” I said in a casual tone, handing her the bag, as she had just opened her mouth to say something.

“You got me a gift!?” she asked, incredulously. Somehow, she looked even more uncomfortable now.

“And he brought some sparkly wine as well!” commented one of the unknown girls in a happy shout. That made me remember the bottle, so I walked past Ava and placed it in the freezer. When I came back out, Ava was still standing there holding the gift bag in both hands, looking like a lost puppy.

“Go on, look inside. If I got the wrong thing just tell me. I still got the slip, so you can return it.”

She looked at me with some uncertainty for a second, before slowly pulling the piles of useless wax paper out of the bag. When she finally saw what was underneath, she paused. Then, she tentatively pulled out the purse, showed it to her friends, and they started this high-pitched screaming exercise I only knew from teenage girls in movies until then. It looked like Tess got it right again.

“How did you know I wanted one of these?” Ava asked, still breathing heavily from running around.

“You kept mentioning that brand the other day, and I figured the others would have your presents probably already set.” I answered, matter of fact.

After saying that, Ava’s three guests looked at me in silent approval. I noticed Logan eyeing the whole scene, but especially the purse, with disbelief from the sofa. Then he looked at the coffee table with embarrassment. When I followed his eyes, I saw a cheap no-name Bluetooth speaker Ava hadn’t even taken out of the box to check it out. Whether it was being attentive or being able to fulfill a wish, I had just proven myself more reliable than Logan. That alone was worth spending two-hundred bucks on an utterly useless bag.

Then Ava did something that shocked me. She stepped into me, wrapped her arms around my torso and gave me a tight squeeze.

“I’m sorry we forgot your Birthday!” she whispered into my ear.

The shock from the hug faded. At least enough for parts of my brain to start working again, and I remembered that, even though she was too occupied at the time to participate, Ava was there when Granny had that talk with Claire at Thanksgiving. And the way she now reacted confirmed my fear of having to buy her affection. After they all had that talk with Granny, none of them mentioned anything about it to me, or tried anything in the days since then to introduce me to their fun. They didn’t even attempt to close the gap that had formed between us. There was still no consideration for me whatsoever.

But the moment Ava got expensive shit from me, she was suddenly sorry for forgetting my birthday. I had hoped for this present to serve as some kind of reminder of my existence, that would cause her to slowly come around and rethink her opinion of me. This reaction, however, seemed too sudden and extreme to have a lasting effect.

“Why did you even get me something like this after what we did?” she asked, just as quietly as before.

“Maybe I’m just a better person than you four.” I reproachfully whispered back, unwilling to forget, and immediately disproving my own statement without even noticing. “Or, maybe, I just wasn’t eager for your parents to shit on me again, like last year when I didn’t have something for you.”

Ava immediately let go of me and took a step back, looking almost sad. I mentally scolded myself as I saw Logan’s relieved look, but I just couldn’t resist pointing out the double standard. Maybe I should have embraced Ava, just to piss him off further. Coincidentally, one of Ava’s friends helped me out with that.

“Hey, we were just about to watch a movie. Why don’t you join us?” the vaguely familiar girl asked.

She had stepped in close to me when Ava had stepped back, and was brushing one hand over my biceps as her other hand was pulling a strain of shoulder-long ash-brown hair behind her ear. She looked remarkably cute. Her head tilted slightly to the ground with an almost sheepish expression, looking up at me with doe-like big brown eyes and a shy smile. It didn’t help that she was barely five feet tall, with a slender frame supporting maybe an A-Cup chest. I just wanted to cuddle her to death.

“Oh, yes! Please, join us!” threw one of Ava’s known friends into the round, but she was giving the small girl a conspiratorial grin. I looked at Ava, awaiting her answer. It was her birthday party after all. It was up to her who she wanted to spend time with today. When she nodded her approval, I looked back at the cute one.

“Don’t take this as a cheesy pick-up line, but ... do we know each other somehow? You seem familiar, but I just can’t place it!” I finally caved, and asked.

First, she acted a little insulted that I didn’t remember her, but then she seemed to reach a conclusion and lit up again.

“I’m Jenny. That... “ she pointed at the girl that supported her when asking me to join them “ ... is my big sister, Joan. You helped me out last year, when Jack and his friend wouldn’t leave me alone.”

“That was you! I remember now! But it was more you helping me out than the other way around. I was just there, but you saved me from Coach Jenkins when he wanted me expelled.” I remembered.

“You did bust them up pretty good.” Joan commented, laughing “Not that I’m complaining. They had it coming!”

“Don’t encourage him!” Logan injected by shouting from the other side of the room.

“Well, I’m gonna have to get out of this suit. I’ll join you in a minute.” I said, before making my way to my room to get changed.

For a moment I was thinking about getting into my own swimming trunks, since the people downstairs were all still wearing their swimsuits. And Jenny seemed to appreciate my looks, so sitting there topless would certainly be advantageous. But sitting with three, well four if you count Ava, basically naked hot girls in only my trunks would certainly lead to embarrassing displays on my part. So, I compromised on cargo shorts and a tight T-shirt. I had just put the shorts on, when my door flew open, and Logan stepped into my room.

“The fuck are you thinking, Tiny Tim?” he seethed.

“What do you mean?” I asked, smirking. There were certainly quite a few things coming to my mind he could be pissed about, and I enjoyed how much it seemed to have gotten under his skin.

“Really? Do I need to spell it out for you? Ava doesn’t want you there with her friends. She just feels guilty about your little hurt feelings. Get over it. I put in a lot of effort to make this fun for us. How the hell am I supposed to do this with your sorry ass around?”

“I don’t know. Fuck yourself?” I asked in an aloof voice while pulling my shirt over my head.

I looked at him for a moment with a blank expression. I didn’t know what he would do next. I didn’t expect him to try and attack me, he knew better than to even try. But if he had some other mean move up his sleeve, I’d rather he tried it before we met up with the others. And I hoped he was angry enough to not realize that. Problem was, he just glared at me before he turned and left. So, I had no idea if he was out of options or wanted to put me down in front of an audience again. I resigned myself to whatever my fate would be and got downstairs myself.

The lights in the living room were dimmed and all of the others had already found their seats. Ava and Joan sat to either side of Logan on the sofa. Mia had made herself at ease in the armchair. The only free spot, other than the floor, was right next to Jenny on the loveseat. She had pulled her legs underneath herself, in that impossible way only women could ever find comfortable. She was giving me a huge smile as I spotted the empty seat next to her, so I took that as an invitation and sat with my arm over the backrest while maintaining a respectful distance between our bodies.

I didn’t really know what to expect from this situation. Under normal circumstances, I would have fully expected them to banish me from their festivities again, like Logan had just tried when he came into my room. An invitation from Ava and her friends, who had tormented me in school, would normally have my alarm bells ringing and make me expect some kind of mean prank. But I did indeed help Jenny last year, so maybe she really was interested in getting to know me. And the seemingly genuine display of regret from Ava that I had witnessed when I presented her gift, however short lived it may turn out to be, made me want to risk it and see if this could possibly be the first sign of change. Though, I hadn’t forgotten that the last time I was hoping our relationship would improve, I was suddenly holding a penis pump in my hands while my mother laughed her ass off.

The first thing we watched was some kind of live special from a stand-up comedian. He was good. And each time the room was filled with laughter, Jenny coincidentally scooted a little closer to me. By the end of it, she was leaning against me, my arm still on the backrest. By then it was 9:30 PM, and, as Ava was scrolling through the Netflix library, I remembered that I had placed the champagne in the freezer. I jumped up and got it out, relieved it wasn’t frozen yet. When the others saw me holding the bottle, they assumed I was about to open it, and sent Logan after me to get some glasses.

It wasn’t much. With six people to share, maybe two glasses per person, so I didn’t really feel guilty about underaged drinking. As we took our seats again, Jenny immediately cuddled into me. By the time Ava had found the rom-com she wanted to watch, Jenny had taken my arm from the backrest and wrapped it around herself instead. Ava looked around the room, took a sip from her glass, and threw me a big happy smile. She seemed to like it.

The champagne combined with the cheesy movie apparently had a certain effect on Jenny. She soon placed her hand on my arm she had wrapped around herself, and was absentmindedly stroking it as she sipped away. Now, I wasn’t used to drinking either, and I had to admit that Jenny wasn’t the only one affected by it. The furniture and seating arrangements had the benefit that Jenny was sitting at the far outside, with my body hiding hers from the others. The main effect the champagne had on me was my lowered guard. I liked being so close to a girl. As long as I didn’t try anything they could use against me, maybe it wasn’t so bad if I allowed myself to simply enjoy it.

I started by softly scraping my fingernails over the inside of her forearm for a few minutes, just to test how she would react, and she snuggled deeper into me. Then I let my fingers wander from her arm, over the top of her thigh, to the middle of her belly. Since the swimsuit she was wearing was a two-piece, her entire midsection was exposed skin, so I carefully caressed her bellybutton. This coaxed a cute little moan of approval from her lips, and she nested her face into my chest. Without letting up my light caresses, I raised the hand holding my own glass, moved a few strands of hair from her forehead, and placed a light kiss on it. Now she was purring like a kitten. She looked up into my eyes, then at my mouth, and tilted her head a little.

I contemplated if I should risk it. The gesture seemed unambiguous, but I was still held back by the possibility of this being some kind of set-up. Soon, though, the champagne did its work and I decided that, even if it was a set-up, I had nothing to lose with my school life and reputation already being as bad as they were. I placed a small kiss on her lips, and she rewarded me with a content sigh, before nesting her face back into my chest. This girl barely knew me, never had a real conversation with me, but she thoroughly enjoyed acting like intimate lovers. It was almost ridiculous to even consider this, but ... maybe she had a crush on me since I saved her?

Then she surprised me. I had only planned to slowly familiarize myself with her body, while making sure not to push too far, but she seemed to have a different idea. Her breathing had become a little shallow, as she slowly grabbed the hand caressing her navel and started pulling it down to the bottom piece of her swimsuit. As my fingertips were resting just at the edge of her waistband, she placed both her hands on top of mine, pressed it into her lower belly, and she gave me a quiet but sensual kiss.

My mind rattled by her boldness and overwhelmed with the desire for what this could possibly lead to, my hand moved down without me thinking about it, as she spread her legs as much as her sitting position allowed. The entire way down she pressed it into her body with both of her own hands, silently encouraging me. I didn’t go underneath her swimsuit, yet, as I seriously didn’t want to risk overstepping. Not in front of Logan, who was undoubtedly engaged in his own fun with at least Ava, if not Joan as well, at the time. Golden Boy wouldn’t be pushed away, since I already knew how close he and Ava really were. If I was rejected in front of an audience, none of them would ever let me live that down. If I was to have any chance with this girl, I had to remember every single lesson I received from Tess, and make this as enjoyable for Jenny as possible while I still could.

I gently massaged the skin just above where I surmised her clitoris to be in a circular motion. Slowly increasing the pressure as her breathing increased in intensity. Then I pushed my hand further down, splitting my fingers, so two of them would scrape over each of her outer lips, and worked those for a while. Finally, I moved my hand up enough so my index and middle finger could directly massage her clit. She was now grabbing onto my arm with desperation, pressing her small breasts into my upper arm and her face into my shoulder, trying to stifle the cute mouselike squeaking noises escaping her. Suddenly, her entire body tensed up, her legs clamped shut, and her fingernails dug painfully into the skin of my arm. She stayed like this, not breathing, for maybe ten seconds, before finally relaxing and melting into me.

Going by her breathing, she was taking a nap. At that moment, I was damn glad I opted for the cargo shorts. Otherwise I would be pitching an obscene tent right in front of everyone. I looked around and realized with horror that we were being watched by Joan. She knew exactly what I had just done to her little sister, and in the darkness of the room, I could see a sinister looking smile on her face. I thought I was done for, as I realized this must have been their plan all along. After Logan had watched in glee as I was beaten, I wouldn’t put it past them to accuse me of taking advantage of a drunk, innocent girl. And I was even the one providing the alcohol!

Just as my anxiety was reaching dangerous levels, however, the TV illuminated the room more effectively, and I realized that Joan’s smile was anything but sinister. It was actually a quite warm smile she was displaying. She seemed to be happy for her little sister.

I lightly shook my head, trying to get my assumptions under control and push my expectations for being played out of my thoughts. Jenny stayed asleep until the movie was over, and I gently nudged her awake. She looked around, then at me, her eyes focused, and then she blushed with a coy smile on her lips. Again, I could just cuddle the girl to death.

My erection was gone by then, and while the others had spent the entire afternoon after school relaxing in the hot tub, I was at work. That, combined with the effect of the two glasses I had during the movie, started to have an effect on me, so I excused myself to make my way to my room and get some shut eye myself.

I had just stepped out of my shorts after a trip to the bathroom, when I heard a soft knock at my door. When I opened it, Jenny was standing there in an oversized shirt and panties. Without saying a word, she placed her hands on the back of my neck, went on her toes, and pulled me down for a passionate kiss while pushing me backwards into my room. Then she turned around and closed the door.

“Can we ... continue?” she asked meekly.

I just wrapped her into my arms and kissed her again. That was when things started to get less enjoyable. But not yet in the way I had feared for most part of the evening.

As we kissed, I opened my mouth and let my tongue glide along her lips, coercing her to open her mouth. She soon did, but as I tried to massage her tongue with my own, I realized her tongue was wildly thrashing around inside her mouth. What the hell was she trying to do? Swat flies? Don’t try to tell me she never kissed a boy, she just had me finger her to an orgasm in the middle of a packed room, not even five feet away from her own sister. There was no way this girl was innocent.

So, I switched gears. My hands ran down her spine and cupped her sweet little ass, pulling her onto her toes and further into me. As this motion spread her cheeks apart, she let out another moan into my mouth. Then my hands moved back up, but under her shirt. I grabbed the seams and pulled it over her head. As soon as it had passed her arms, she used them to cover her breasts and looked at me in an insecure way. I just smiled at her, gently took her hands into mine, and pulled them aside. Her nipples were hard knobs that just begged to be kissed, licked and sucked, so that is what I did. She soon had overcome her insecurity and her breathing, once again, became ragged. As she placed her hands on the back of my head, she spoke.

“They’re not too small?” she asked, clearly hoping for my approval.

“Jenny, men are simple creatures. We like all kinds of boobs!” I said, before circling her other nipple with my tongue and lightly scraping my teeth over it.

I placed kisses on her breasts, along her sternum to her belly, over her navel, and finally further down. After I went to my knees, I took hold of the sides of her panties and started tugging, but she stopped me.

“I don’t ... Can we do something else first? I owe you after what you did before!” she said, and I complied.

I got back up on my feet and pulled my shirt over my head. Her eyes grew wide as she appreciated what she saw. She stretched out her hand and caressed my abs, before going to her knees herself and tugging on my underwear. My dick was rock hard again and tenting my shorts considerably. When the waistband finally passed my tip, she halted and just stared at it.

A serious look of doubt mixed itself into her features. She let the shorts fall to the ground, and my dick jumped a little as I stepped out of them, but mainly stayed pointed directly at her face. Finally she grabbed it with both hands, causing me to groan in anticipation. Her hands were so small, she couldn’t reach all the way around it. She pumped my shaft a few times, took a deep breath as if to steady herself, and I could hear her mumble to herself.

“Just like a lollipop.”

I was confused and blurted out, “What?”

“It’s just ... I haven’t done this very often. And I thought you’d be...”

Instead of finishing her statement, she shook her head, opened her mouth wide and placed her lips just underneath my crown. And then she simply stayed like this. Completely unmoving, while suckling on it like it was a lollipop! Or a pacifier, was more like it. Occasionally, I could feel her tongue glide along the underside of it, but that was as far as she would go. After a few moments, she at least started stroking me with her hands again, but this wasn’t fun. It didn’t feel good. This was the exact opposite of what I experienced with Tess.

“Could you ... maybe ... take more of it into your mouth?” I carefully asked.

She looked at me without taking it out of her mouth, but seemed to think it over. Then she tried, took an entire additional half inch into her mouth, and stopped again. That wasn’t enough for a blowjob, especially if she wouldn’t move her head. While I didn’t comment about it in any way, she probably sensed me slightly deflating, because she tried to take more on her own. She had to immediately back up again to ease her gag reflex. This wasn’t going to happen, and I had absolutely no intention in just forcing it down her throat or making her feel bad about it.

“Let me do it for you now.” I demanded, picked her up into my arms, and sat her on my bed.

I went down on my knees in front of her, grabbed her legs, and pulled her towards me until her hips were on the edge of the mattress. But she wouldn’t let go of her panties, so I asked her what was wrong.

“I normally don’t let someone put his face there, until I really trust him.” she said, and I had to admit, it made sense to me. I was accustomed to feeling insecure about my own body after being teased about it for years.

“Jenny, we can just stop if you’re not sure. No hard feelings. But I can assure you, I like going down on girls.” I proposed.

She thought about it for a moment, and then relaxed at least somewhat. I gently pulled her underwear off, opened her legs, and kissed my way up her legs. From her knees, along her inner thighs, right up to her center. She was already glistening wet. She smelled different than Tess, less intense, and certainly nothing she would need to be shy or embarrassed about.

I gave her everything I learned from Tess. Gently nibbling her clit, testing out what strength she preferred, massaging its hood with my tongue, while slowly penetrating her with my fingers. I was right, this girl was not innocent, but she certainly wasn’t awfully experienced either. I had eaten her to a small orgasm within two minutes but didn’t let up.

One thing I noticed was that I had a rough time finding that special spot inside her, as she wasn’t nearly as vocal as Tess was in bed. Tess knew exactly what she wanted and how she wanted it, and she had no trouble communicating it. Jenny was holding herself back the entire time, as if she was afraid of making sounds or expressing pleasure in any way. After another five minutes, however, she was building up to an orgasm even she couldn’t hold in. By the time it hit her, she was lifting her hips off the mattress, pressing her sex into my face, while simultaneously pulling my head into her by my hair. She was throwing her head from side to side as it built and finally screamed so loud I was sure the entire house heard it.

I was totally fine with that, to be honest. Let them all know that I had just given that girl a massive orgasm. Even better, scream out what I did to achieve it! From what I had seen on the videos on Golden Boy’s phone, the men of the family weren’t big on oral, unless it was about receiving it themselves. Though, I could somehow understand that, given how much they traded partners. Maybe they were not exactly eager to taste dick residue or something.

When Jenny was done convulsing, I grabbed her ankles, placed her legs over my shoulders, and my dick along her slit. Then I started humping, dragging the underside of my shaft over her slit with my crown hitting her clit, lubricating it with her juices while waiting for her to finally come back from her orgasm. When her eyes were focused again, I leaned in to kiss her, which she eagerly responded to. But when I leaned back, she looked down, and the look of satisfied bliss vanished instantly.

Following her gaze, I looked down at myself to see what could be bothering her. As I had moved up to kiss her, my dick had slid upwards as well. Now only my balls were resting in front of her entrance, while my fully erect cock lay across her belly, looking quite impressive against her tiny body. It reached all the way from her clitoris, along her lower abdomen, with the tip reaching her belly button. As I just developed a slight grin while imagining how this would feel for me once I entered her, Jenny’s stern voice pulled me back to reality.

“There is NO FUCKING WAY you’ll put THAT inside me!” she declared.

And with that, she rolled sideways away from me, slid off the bed, grabbed her clothes, and left the room.

I quickly dressed myself to run after her, but ultimately decided against it. No matter what I was going to find once I would rejoin the others, I was certain I wouldn’t like it. When I heard Logan’s laughter from downstairs, there was no question in my mind that it was about me. I really didn’t need to hear their jokes about it. So, I closed my door, sat in front of my computer, and simply started watching a show myself. And even though none of them knocked on my door, or even tried to initiate a conversation over the next two days, my suspicions were confirmed as soon as I stepped into the school building on the following Monday.

School was hell again. By lunchtime, the story with Jenny had made its way around the entire student population. Interestingly, she, or more likely the telephone game, had changed a few of the finer details. While I was sure I did absolutely everything to make her feel safe and enjoy it, I was now officially the worst fuck imaginable. She had admitted that I ate her to that one big orgasm, but all the less pleasant parts were now my wrongdoing only, with no word of her inexperience or insecurity being told.

I was the bad kisser, manhandled her breasts, and, apparently, even tried to make her deepthroat me. Then, when she was asked about the actual sex, she did tell them the problem was related to my size, but didn’t explain any further. Naturally, with the rumors about “Tiny Tim” Ava had provided since I started at this school, the story was now the complete opposite of what really happened. She didn’t leave because my size intimidated her, she left because my small size wasn’t doing anything for her.

Everybody let me feel it. Everybody had to comment on it. Everybody shouted out to “Tiny Tim” when they saw me in the hallways and classrooms. There was no escaping it, and in some ways it was even worse than the physical attacks. At least I could defend myself against those, while nobody gave a shit about my side of the story regarding what happened with Jenny.

I actually didn’t blame her, though. Thinking about it, I had reached the conclusion that she wouldn’t have gone so far for a mere prank. Looking at it objectively, she simply didn’t strike me as the malicious type. Therefore, her running away in that kind of situation was probably just because she got scared. I couldn’t blame someone for something like that, could I?

When I came across Jenny in front of the school one day, I initially tried to just ignore her. But she noticed me, and, for some reason, seemed to want to talk. Just as she had taken a breath and opened her mouth, a few guys walked past us.

“What’s that? Tiny Tim begging for another shot?” they shouted, loudly laughing.

I looked at them. This wouldn’t stop anytime soon. If it would stop at all. But there was fuck all I could do about it. I wanted to beat the shit out of them, but what would that achieve? Scaring them the last time only stopped the physical assaults, the name calling never really let up. This was just another level of the same shit, because they had received new ammunition. The exact thing I didn’t want to provide them with. This was my life now. I was back to where I started almost exactly a year ago. Countless hours of exercise and training, standing up to my bullies, changing my image ... all for nothing. Back to going through the motions without hope for improvement. Why did I even bother anymore?

When I looked back at Jenny, the expression on her face reminded me of the one I saw on Aunt Danielle during Thanksgiving. She looked like she was concerned, almost afraid of something. I didn’t care anymore. As she, once again, tried to say something, I turned and walked to my Jeep to get to work. Like usual, I relied on my colleagues to be decent human beings and, over the next few weeks, they didn’t disappoint. With them, there was no childish shit to deal with, so I could just immerse myself into my projects and my slowly evolving relationship with Tess.

As soon as Christmas Break started, I had immersed myself into work and my self-learning. It helped take my mind off it all. One day, when one of the guys had seen me in a particularly gloomy mood after Tess left for the Holidays again, he did the one thing he could think of: Offer me a cigarette. I accepted, as a way to keep socializing, but it somehow stuck and became a habit. When the parents learned about me smoking, they tried to parent for the first time in years, but our relationship had reached the point where I could just give them a stern look to get them off my back.

With our relationship as it was from the start, material threats were really the only thing they had over me, and now that I worked and earned good money myself, that option was gone as well. Other than threatening to kick me out of the house, there was little they could think of anymore when they wanted to put their foot down. Since I was paying rent, and still a minor they were more or less required by law to care for, that shouldn’t happen anytime soon. Though, the thought of being kicked out grew more and more attractive with each day.

Then came Christmas. For Christmas Eve we were, once again, at Uncle John’s. Aunt Danielle had tried to include me in the conversations multiple times, but every time I tried to say more than the absolutely necessary minimum, the conversation was hijacked by someone else and shifted to a topic I had nothing to contribute to. Over the entire evening, there was only one topic allowed to last: Golden Boy had gotten his acceptance Letter from UT Austin, and it even included a football scholarship.

Aaron was as proud as a father could ever be. His oldest son had proven their worldview on the superiority of athletics over brains, and was following in his father’s footsteps. Claire and Ava were simply gushing over his achievement and wouldn’t leave his side. Claire was also whining about how much she would be missing him the entire time.

I was just on the porch smoking, when Aunt Danielle joined me.

“I heard about what happened at Ava’s party.” she said, as she wrapped herself tightly into the coat she used to fend off the cold. I didn’t feel like entertaining that particular topic.

“Tim. I’m a little worried about you. Talk to me.” she continued when I didn’t react.

“Did you see the Rangers game yesterday?” I asked.

“The what?” She was confused.

“It’s not football season, is it?” I asked hesitantly.

“Oh, it is. And the Super Bowl is yet to come, too. But I’m pretty sure the Rangers are our Baseball Team.” she smirked. “Why are you bringing that up?”

“You asked me to talk to you.” I took another drag from my cigarette.

“I wanted to talk about what happened at Ava’s party. And the aftermath I heard about.”

“So the story made its way even to you, huh?” I sighed. “Well, not much to talk about, really. They turned it all around to make me look like an idiot, and, thanks to my loving siblings, everyone went along with it before adding their own assumptions as facts. I tried fighting them. It didn’t work, so now I’m done trying. I’m good.”

“Seriously, Tim, what is going on with you? Why can’t you find a way to settle your differences?”

Now, that pissed me off big time! It sounded like she was accusing me of not trying enough, so it was all my own fault. All this time, she was the one fucking my entire family without noticing anything being wrong! She knew well enough about my damn nickname, and, as far as I knew, never objected. She couldn’t have forgotten what happened at Thanksgiving. She must’ve seen what was going on the entire evening so far. Someone tell me again why psychology is seen as anything more than a degree in fucking common sense!

“Fine fucking therapist you are! Ask them,” I said angrily, pointing my thumb over my shoulder towards her patio door. “I did every fucking thing I could think of. I asked, I pleaded, then I begged, and finally bought gifts, and I got a big FUCK YOU in return! As I said, it didn’t work, and I’m FUCKING done taking the blame for it. Use your damn brain and figure this shit out yourself. You’ve watched it happen long enough. I’m long past giving a shit about you all. I dropped your obligatory Christmas presents on the coffee table. Enjoy your fucking Holidays and leave me the fuck alone!”

I didn’t give a shit about her pleading voice when she called after me as I left. I had to get out and do something – anything – more fun than being around these assholes and being harassed by that meddling fucking bitch. Tess was spending the Holidays with her mother in California again, so there was no way to meet up with her. Another night in front of the computer would do.

The very next day, Christmas morning, Aunt Danielle showed up at the house, trying to get me to talk to her, but I blew her off rather harshly. I wasn’t having any of it. She, as well as the rest of my family, had three damn years to realize I was their son, brother, nephew and cousin.

When I had reached my new lowest point, I searched my own feelings and had to admit: What I felt for them now was more familial obligation than anything else. Certainly not love. Though, I also had to admit that Danielle surprised me with how persistent she was. After I blew her off at the house, she simply started showing up at the office, knowing full well I wouldn’t want to make a scene there, and thinking her chance for success would be higher. It wasn’t. Thanks to the tracker on her phone, no matter at which time she arrived to talk to me, I was either already gone or had the door locked. So, Instead of making a scene by telling her off, I simply ignored her banging on my door until she gave up.

My big hope was that the whole story about me and Jenny would fade into oblivion over the Holidays. Surely, when the other students came back to school after Christmas, they would have other topics to talk about, and my life would return to how it was before Ava’s birthday. I didn’t consider the influence Golden Boy still had. It was his last year before going off to College, and he seemed to want to make it count. He wound all his football buddies into making sure I’d never live past the humiliation. And they, still remembering me ruining their football season the year before, were all too happy to assist him.

More than once, I found myself debating why I should even continue going to school. It would be the easiest solution to just stay away from it all. After all, my income was already enough to support a small family of my own, and that was while I spent half of my weekdays in school. What was the point!?

Tess wouldn’t hear any of it, though. I had to promise her to “keep going and hang on” multiple times. She was my sole support over the following months, and I suspected she knew it, since I spent more time at her place than my ‘home’. When I was with her, nothing else mattered to me than being with her. It wasn’t just the sex anymore, which was still awesome. I genuinely enjoyed her company, she had completely stopped talking about other girls, and it didn’t take long until both of us realized we were basically dating.

After school, I came to the office to pick her up and take her to lunch, trying new places to eat out whenever we could. We went to the movies, Street Fairs, and, remembering my awkwardness during our first date, she made me take a dance class with her. I even learned how to give foot massages, since wearing high heels for the whole day took a toll on her feet. And sometimes, just for the fun of it, we went to open houses and estate sales together, allocating the rooms and fantasizing on how to decorate them. A few of those we could have actually afforded, though we would’ve needed to fix them up and I never used a hammer before.

If we didn’t feel like going out, we would cook together, cuddle up on the sofa in her living room to watch TV, or read together. It was genuinely the happiest time in my life despite what was going on in school. Although we carefully tipped around that subject, I loved her, and I was pretty sure she knew that as well. She always seemed to hold back though, since I was still only sixteen and we couldn’t be reckless until my birthday. Or until we moved to another country.

My happy life drastically changed shortly after her birthday in early April. I was still a sixteen-year-old boy, and she had now turned thirty. I didn’t know if she was bothered by the age gap, or wanted a family, or whatever. It wasn’t lost on me that, even before her birthday, she was remarkably apprehensive about me meeting her family. But after she had turned thirty, it seemed like she wanted to distance herself from me emotionally in one moment, and then went full on “Let’s get married!” the next. The sex was the same. Some days she was insatiable, to the point my dick actually hurt the next morning, on other days she refused to get within three feet of me, no physical contact at all!

We still practically lived together while enjoying each other’s company, and even though these changes irritated me, I was determined to stay with her for as long as she would allow it. I was silently hoping, if I could just make her realize how little of a shit I gave about the age difference, we could keep it going until I graduated. Then I would have been perfectly happy to marry her, even start a family with her. The people at work already knew about us anyway and nobody had ever given her crap or even so much as teased her about it.

It just wasn’t meant to be. In early June, I came home to Tess’ apartment to find her sitting in the silent living room. She didn’t look too happy when, for the first time in my life, I was confronted with the four words every man fears.

“We need to talk.”

I sat next to her on the sofa and waited.

“I’ll have to leave town.”

I was stunned. My stomach felt like I was falling. I needed Tess, and I didn’t know why this happened now, or why so suddenly.

“Look, Tess, I know this isn’t perfect. But it’s not gonna be much longer before my birthday. Please, we were so good together, and things got so much better over the past few months.”

“It’s not anything like that, Tim. I really like you; I don’t want to leave you.” She hesitated before she continued. “My sister called ... Mom’s sick. They ... diagnosed her with pancreatic cancer, and ... She’s going to need someone to look after her. For a while, at least. With my sister having her own family, she can’t just uproot her entire life to do it.”

She was crying. But there was nothing I could do to truly help. I would go with her, switch schools, quit school, do whatever I could to support her. But I was still only sixteen. I couldn’t just up and leave on my own accord without the constant threat of being dragged back here. I didn’t even have full control over my own damn bank account. And what about Tess? If she was apprehensive about me meeting her family before, she sure as hell won’t confront her cancer stricken mother with the news of her dating a kid now.

There was no discussion. I made sure she knew I would be there if she needed me. All it would take was a phone call, and I would get the next plane, consequences be damned. And once she returned, I would be waiting for her. She had already talked to Bill and would leave on the first of July. For the rest of the month, while sorting out her apartment, getting everything packed, and preparing the move, we spent as much time together as humanly possible.

With Tess gone, I had nothing but school and work in my days. I don’t know if I actually earned it, or if Bill wanted to help me distract myself, but I found myself in a lot more meetings with clients to discuss surveillance installations. In addition to that, he spent quite some time personally teaching me a lot of the administrative aspects of the job; writing reports, proofing risk assessments and even drafting IT-Security Guidelines for a few clients.

Aunt Danielle kept showing up regularly, trying to get me to talk to her. She kept insisting that her question from Christmas wasn’t addressed at me specifically, but at me and my family, and certainly wasn’t meant as any accusation. She just wanted to find a way to mend our relationship. I still didn’t care, though. She had a higher chance to get me talking when she first tried, because by now I was pissed at the family, dejected with school, and missing Tess.

I also was in no mood to discuss any of it with a damn shrink who was rolling in bed with the very people who put me into this mess in the first place. Namely my parents, grandparents, and siblings. There was no fucking way I could ever trust or even respect Danielle again.

Tess and I talked on the phone as often as we could manage. First for hours each day, but she had to excuse herself more and more often because she was tired. And I believed her because, as time went on, she sounded more and more listless and exhausted. I had read up on stories from people caring for sick family members, and accredited her exhaustion to the emotional burden of caring for a sick loved one while knowing that, in the end, there is shit all you can do but hope. I was determined to support her in any way she allowed me to, and to be there for her when the inevitable would happen.

Outside the office, I stayed by myself and avoided the family (and especially Aunt Danielle, who had heard about Tess leaving from Bill) like the plague. Which honestly wasn’t hard, considering I never got out of the office before 7:30 PM and then got something to eat before going home, so the house was usually dark by the time I stepped through the front door.

The guys at work were awesome and did everything they could think of to lift my spirits. They even snuck me into a strip joint one day. When I told Tess about it, she thought it was a great idea and even encouraged the guys to do that more often. It only helped marginally, though. I still missed her. She also started talking about girlfriends my own age again and, on half our calls, she made me promise I would “keep going and hang on” again. For some reason, though, it no longer sounded like she just wanted my promise to “keep going and hang on to school”.

When Golden Boy left for college about six weeks later, I didn’t bother to make an appearance at his farewell party. The prick was moving to the next town over, for Christ’s sake. And, apparently, they got him a nice new Mustang GT Fastback, so he could make the drive home whenever he wanted. No need to get sentimental about it just because they couldn’t sneak into his bed every single night anymore. They’d make up for it on the weekends, I was sure about that. Though I couldn’t be certain, because I would have rather spent the weekends living in my car than staying in that house while he was there.

It also didn’t help that Claire had, apparently, rediscovered their access to my bank account. Each month I would check the balance after my salary was deposited, just to find a transfer of a few hundred dollars to Logan’s account. When she had transferred a whopping eight-hundred dollars one month, the desire to stay clear of them lost out to the need to confront her.

When she told me that Logan needed some extra cash for “college stuff”, and Aaron didn’t see any problem with using my hard earned savings for it, I almost went postal on them both. On Claire, for simply giving my money to her Golden Boy. On Aaron, for happily going along with it after not only ridiculing the way I earned it, but also not having spent a damn dime on me for almost two years. Bear in mind, despite barely spending time in that house before Tess left, I was still diligently paying my three-hundred dollars rent each month, in addition to paying for my own food, phone bills, car insurance, and gas. Somehow, they still felt the need to take more.

That was the day I finally decided that I really needed to get the hell out of there. On the days I didn’t have to interact with the family, I was just ... better. As long as I could just spend time with Tess, and had her apartment as some kind of sanctuary, I was able to deal with all the shit. But with her gone now, and with none of the direct family members even thinking of inquiring about the reasons for my mood, I had to step up my apartment-hunting.

Going by what Tess had paid for her apartment, it would cost me at least three times of what I was paying Aaron per month if I wanted something in driving distance to work and school, but I would get two or three times more space in addition to my own bathroom! And once I turned seventeen, the police wouldn’t force me to go home anymore, even if the family decided to call them as yet another way to mess with me.

Now, strictly legally speaking, minors can enter into legal contracts. The problem is, however, that the only ones actually bound by those contracts would be the legally adults. Landlords indeed can rent apartments out to minors, but as long as I wasn’t emancipated I could just skip on the rent and leave the place devastated. The landlord could be left sitting on the losses. To get emancipated, I would either have to wait until I turned seventeen, or prove that I was already living alone while managing my own finances. Even after I turned seventeen it was still a long shot to get emancipated, as long as I wasn’t physically abused or orphaned. So, I decided to simply make myself look as good and dependable as possible for landlords.

Many landlords asked for character reference letters, but the only thing I could get from my boss and coworkers was a professional reference letter, which Bill happily prepared. It held some value, but the landlords didn’t just want to know whether I could pay the rent, but rather whether I actually would pay it. A character reference was unattainable for me, though. I could ask family members ... who neglected and didn’t know shit about me. I could ask teachers ... who ignored my bullying and refused to teach me how to drive. I could ask neighbors ... who only knew me by looks. Or, I could ask friends ... which I didn’t have anymore.

In early September, I finally found a nice two-bedroom apartment for $1,200 per month, on the first floor of a gated apartment complex ... after offering to pay twelve months’ rent in advance, so there was no danger of me skipping on rent before I turned eighteen, and double the security deposit, so there was no danger of me leaving the place ruined. Interestingly, even then most landlords had refused, thinking I might just burn the whole building down or something, causing more damage than I could deposit for.

After I talked about it with the guys from work, one of them, Paul, introduced me to the landlord of the apartment complex he lived in. Thanks to him putting in a good word for me, the Landlord agreed to give me a chance. He ‘only’ wanted six months rent in advance, plus three months’ rent as security. I would have to drive thirty minutes to school in the mornings and twenty-five minutes home from work in the evenings, but it was a nice distance away from the family, and came with a communal pool and BBQ-Area! The lease would start from the first of November.

My plan was to move into it the day after I turned seventeen, which was a Saturday, and turn the apartment into a place Tess would be happy to live in with me. I wanted to stay true to my promise to support her in any way possible, especially if her mother would actually be gone. I got five big moving boxes, stored them in my room, and anxiously awaited my birthday.

And then my world ended.

In the middle of September, three months after Tess left and only two weeks after I found an apartment for us, I could only reach her voicemail when I tried to call her. This lasted for a few days, my anxiety about her finding someone else had driven me up the walls by that point, before someone finally answered my call. It was her mother.

I learned then that it wasn’t Tess’ mother who was diagnosed with stage four pancreatic cancer. It was Tess herself, when she had her medical checkup in celebration of her thirtieth birthday. She never told me, because she didn’t want to take me along for the ride. So, she stayed with me for as long as she could fully hide the symptoms, then she wanted to spend time with her family. When she was diagnosed, the doctors had given her roughly six months. She was gone after five.

I don’t remember ending the call. I vaguely remember crying, screaming, and pleading with myself for an hour afterwards. I didn’t go to school or work. I didn’t even leave my room for anything but visits to the bathroom for the following two days. I had no idea how to handle it, but also knew there was no purpose in even trying to talk with the family about it. After the second day of my isolation, the parents received an automated call from the school, informing them of my absence.

Just as expected, they didn’t even ask what was going on, so I just ignored their scolding and went back to school the next day. After school, I also drove to work, but when I reached the stop where I used to pick up Tess in the afternoons, I had to leave again. There was not a single room in that fucking building that didn’t hold memories of her, and I wasn’t sure I wouldn’t simply break down in front of the others. I called Bill, apologized for not showing, but also told him I needed the rest of the month. He didn’t ask why. He just listened to what I said and, after a moment of silence, responded in a soft, quiet voice I had never heard the rough old man use before.

“Don’t apologize. I didn’t expect you to be back so soon. Take the two weeks off for now, then see how you feel. I’m really sorry, Tim.”

He already knew about Tess. And since he also knew about Tess and me, he understood.

Tess’ funeral fell on the three-day weekend at the end of the month. Bill made it a work trip for anyone who wanted to attend, which turned out to be most of us, so there wasn’t even any need for me to inform the parents.

When I met the others at the airport, I was offered a lot of condolences. Most of the guys knew about Tess and me just like Bill did. I didn’t handle anything about it well. I wanted to talk with them, so I accepted their offers thankfully, but at the same time I didn’t want to seem weak in front of them, so I distanced myself as soon as possible and repeated the process with each handshake and shoulder rub I received. They seemed to understand, though.

The ceremony was beautiful ... I heard that is what people are supposed to say. In reality, the best thing was that I managed not to break down in front of Tess’ family despite being a mess.

One minute, I was ready to hyperventilate when I realized I would never be with her again, and the next, I would be fucking pissed at her for leaving me. Then I was back in an almost panic for thinking of her in that way, before once more almost hyperventilating when I realized I would never be with her again. That cycle kept repeating itself for the entire next week, but as it did, my perspective on things changed considerably.

While I initially was angry at her for leaving me like that, with no warning and even lying about it, I realized with time that all the signs were there! Her erratic behavior, the sudden insistence for me to see other women again, and the constant reminders to keep going. It was not Tess who neglected to tell me, because she did! Even if she did it in a roundabout way. It was me who failed to pick up on the signs. I should have been by her side, but failed her. It was my own fucking fault. And finally, I just went numb.

From that day onwards, without a conscious decision to do so, I viewed the people around me more closely. I would not make the same mistake again.

Going to school, instead of telling the parents what happened so they would let me stay home, might not have been the best decision. I simply wasn’t in the mood to take anyone’s shit, though I didn’t realize it myself at first. Despite feeling numb most of the time, the moment someone made a mean comment or called me a name, I basically exploded and went for their throat. Sure, it had the added effect that, after a few days of this, people would think twice before trying to provoke me in any way. But it also meant that absolutely nobody wanted anything to do with me, even when they had to work with me on group projects or as lab partners. At least the teachers somehow never witnessed any of it, so there wasn’t another suspension coming.

For the whole two weeks leading up to my birthday, Bill seemed to take an extra interest in me. He showed up in my office almost daily, drawing me into the most mundane conversations to distract me. I even got to know Mrs. Bill when she invited me to dinner one evening. The woman was the embodiment of all the grandmother memes I knew, doting and sending me home with a loosened belt and tupperware full of leftovers.

I had absolutely no idea why he was doing that for me, but I’m convinced I wouldn’t have gotten through those weeks without him. The guys at work also did their best to cheer me up. Though they had stopped inviting me to strip clubs, they helped me set up my apartment by making suggestions on what I could do with my own place, and so constantly drawing my thoughts away from Tess. I got a bed and desk delivered, and assembled them with Paul’s help. The apartment came with appliances, so I didn’t have to worry about those.

Just after 3 PM on November 15th, I walked through the front door of the house I grew up in and, for a short moment, took in the silence greeting me. After dropping my backpack and getting rid of my shoes, I made my way into the kitchen. My mind on the report I’d have to write at the firm. School and work was really all I did anymore. On the kitchen table I found a note in my mother’s handwriting; they all went out with Uncle John’s family, since my parents’ favorite child was back from college for the weekend. Just like last year, when they forgot about my birthday, they made plans that didn’t include me. At least this year they didn’t blame me for disturbing their fun time by coming home.

A quick survey of my surroundings revealed two recently used but empty pots on the stove, as well as four plates in the sink. No leftovers in the fridge or oven. I did, however, find the leftovers in the trash can. I was used to it. By the time I finished cleaning up the kitchen to make myself something to eat, my appetite was somehow gone, and I just felt droopy. So, instead of cooking, I went up to my room to grab a soda from my own little fridge and boot up my PC. I found an email newsletter from the delivery service I frequently used regarding my birthday. A coupon code for a free muffin (if I pay for a pizza). I looked around and saw no presents and no cards. I wasn’t surprised. At least, with that coupon code, lunch was taken care of without me having to move. At least, by next morning, I would finally be out of that house.