Turn It Up

Chapter Nineteen

“Wait a minute. Back up a bit. Did you crash or get a virus?”

“Neither, I think. But there’s a whole section of the files I can’t access anymore and I’m not sure why.”

With that, Max’s goals for the morning dashed out the window. He had to take this call—rescuing the program now was preferable to having to rewrite the entire system later. He scribbled a note for Tasha who was still asleep, and left.

It took nearly two full hours to rescue his client’s computer, and since he was out, he stopped on the way back to pick up a few groceries and do a few chores.

Gramma had made the decision to move. He’d received the papers that he and Tasha needed to sign so Maxine could go ahead and take ownership of the Turner’s legacy home. Miracle of miracles, their own house was done, with the first loads of boxes already taken over. Tomorrow the rest of the furniture would be moved via Turner Clan Express, and they’d officially start life in their new home. In the nick of time too, with the baby’s due date only two weeks away. Fourteen days, or three hundred thirty-six hours, or twenty thousand one hundred sixty minutes…not that he was counting or anything.

Max yawned as he leaned back in the elevator and waited to reach their floor. Tasha was already looking ready to pop, and uncomfortable all the time. He slipped into the apartment, anticipating the day they’d be in the house and he wouldn’t need to take that long trip anymore.

“Tasha? Where are you?”

He dropped the bags in the kitchen and went looking for her. It didn’t take long—she had collapsed on the couch with her shoes kicked off and her eyes closed. Seeing the dark smudges under her eyes turned a knot inside him. Maybe it was a normal part of having a baby, but she seemed so tired all the time, especially since that game night a week ago. He’d even asked at the last prenatal visit if she might have caught something, but the doctor had laughed.

“It’s called pregnancy. She’ll get over it soon.”

He sat beside her, wanting to smooth his knuckles against her cheek but resisting for fear he’d wake her. The mound of her belly lay on the couch next to her like an obedient puppy, and wonder of wonders, the baby fidgeted and he saw the movement.

Just a little longer and I get to see who you are.

“You were out for a while.” She stared up at him, her eyes barely opened as she sighed drowsily.

“Work emergency. And groceries, and gas. Plus, I picked up the final light fixture the builder insisted they couldn’t get. Idiots.”

She frowned. “I’m sorry. I should have done those things, but I’m feeling awfully lazy.”

He gave in to his need to touch her. He tucked his hand around her neck, leaning down to kiss her soft lips. “Please. You’re not being lazy. I told you I’d do them, just wasn’t expecting to do them this morning.”

“What was the emergency?”

“Just computer stuff. Next time, though, I’ll get Maxy to take the call. She’s doing great.” In fact, she was better than she thought she was. He’d have to remember to let her know.

“She’s very happy working with you.”

Her words pulled him back to attention. “And I’m glad to have her on board. I feel bad that I’ve loaded her down with a bunch of extra work over the next while.”

Tasha stretched, reaching down to lift her belly with her hands as she twisted to a sitting position. “Don’t worry about it. She needs something to distract her right now.”

Max crawled up on the couch, settling her between his legs so he could reach around and massage her stomach. She moaned with pleasure, relaxing against him and his heart leapt. “Why does she need a distraction?”

“Why? She broke up with Jamie.”

Hallelujah. “Finally. I mean, she never mentioned it to me.”

Tasha snorted. “You really think she was going to with the attitude you’ve shown toward him since the start?”

“Good point. I’m still glad he’s gone. She needs a far nicer guy.”

She let her head fall back on his shoulder. “She doesn’t need nice, Max. She needs someone to let her be herself. I just hope she…”

The words faded away and she attempted to retreat.

“Oh no, you don’t.” He scrambled around and blocked her path. “You don’t start a sentence like that and then leave in mid-thought. You hope what?”

Tasha wrinkled her nose. “She’s looking for her independence, that’s all. I mean, she’s the same age as you, and she’s feeling the need to find someone to love. I think she was hoping Jamie would be the one. I don’t think he was the right guy for her first.”

“Argh.” Max stood and paced away. “Thanks for sharing that with me. Damn it, why didn’t I know they were getting that serious?”

“Umm, hello?” Tasha frowned. “She’s old enough to know her own mind. It wasn’t your job to be the defender of her virginity.”

Max stopped in confusion. What was Tasha giving him hell for? Shit… Okay, not a topic he wanted to discuss. “No, I’m not talking about her having sex. I didn’t expect her to be some kind of vestal virgin until she died, although I would have been happy to discover she was.”

“Don’t be a hypocrite, Max. You had sex before we got married. Hell, we had sex before we were married.”

“I know, I know, but she’s my…” Her glare stopped him cold. “Okay, I won’t use that ‘she’s my sister’ as an excuse again, but you know what I mean. My parents are never supposed to do it, neither is my sister. It’s an unspoken rule.”

She shook her head. “You’re a nut.”

He gave her a mock salute before worry forced his legs to move. How come he never saw this coming? “It’s the other part that bothers me. You said she’s looking for her independence? You don’t think she’s going to run out and find some guy to move in with? Shit. That’s why she was asking me all those questions the other day. I should have known.”

Tasha wiggled her way upright, frowning at him. “Now you’re being a jackass. She’s not stupid—that wouldn’t be independence. Like she needs another bossy male organizing her life. You know, not everything is yours to fix, discuss or be responsible for.”

“She’s my sister.”

“Jesus. Good job. You went all of thirty seconds without using that excuse. Yes, fine, she’s your sister, and your business partner. So worry about those roles, instead of the stuff you’re not in charge of.”

Max shook his head vehemently. “You don’t understand. I feel like I’ve been neglecting her. I should have noticed. Not to fix it for her, but to be there and offer support. I’ve always been there before, and I had no idea this was even going on. I feel like I missed the boat.”

Tasha held out her hand and he took it, helping her off the couch. When she leaned against him, he automatically hugged her, sheltering and holding her close. His frustration didn’t diminish, but it slid to a back burner. How could he stay on edge with her in his arms?

Her voice was soft, but clear. “Max, how many hours are there in a day? And how many of those hours do you spend doing things for other people? Dealing with emergencies, taking care of family? Then add the hours you’ve put into building your business.”

He still could have done better. “I’ve always been able to do it all before.”

“You’ve never been in this situation before. You’ve dealt with your education and moving out and living alone—I bet during each one of those seasons of your life you had different responsibilities, right?”

Fuck. No fair breaking out the logic. He couldn’t fight logic. “I know where you’re going with this, but that doesn’t make it any better.”

She grabbed his chin in her hands and squeezed. “It makes it real. You can’t be everything to everyone. You’ve got a full-time job, you’ve got me and a baby about to arrive. Your life has changed, this is your new reality. Maxine is old enough she’s not going to share everything with you anymore. She’s thinking about the same kind of things you have. About establishing a family and moving to the next stage of her life. Don’t you want that for her?”

“Of course.”

“And since you’re not spending all your time with her, that means she’s got time to visit with others like me. I think she’s enjoying my company. Are you going to begrudge me that?”

“Of course not.”

She squeezed him hard, her smile lighting up her face, and she’d never looked more beautiful. “Then set the routines into place that will let you take care of what’s really important—like you taught me back when we started exercising together. Take care of the things that are important, and that’s all you can do. But, Max, make sure you’re asking your sister what’s significant to her. You might be surprised how eager she is to grasp more independence, especially from the family.”

The sense in her words settled deep. “I still think Jamie was an asshole.”

Tasha snickered. “Agreed. And I guess he sucked in the sack—”

“Nooooo.” Max slammed his hands over his ears and mock-glared at her.

She covered her mouth to hold back her laughter, the other hand dropping to support her belly.

Minx. He tweaked her nose, then more seriously wrapped his hand around the back of her neck, staring into her beautiful eyes. God, he loved her. “What would I do without you?”

He leaned in and kissed her thoroughly before grabbing a file folder off the table and retreating to his office. He needed to figure out the legalese of the family legacy and the house, so he could make sure that Maxine didn’t lose the one thing she’d already made clear was important to her.

Tasha stared at his back as he left, feeling as if she’d somehow won the lottery. Being able to reassure him? Priceless.

She wandered into the kitchen, struck by a sudden desire for orange juice. After pouring it, the bags of groceries on the table caught her eye, and the dirty shelves in the fridge. They’d be moving tomorrow and the fridge was still a mess. She pulled everything off the top shelf, grabbed a warm washcloth and a small box, and started organizing items as she organized her thoughts.

This morning she’d woken with a million different threads running through her brain, looping around and knotting together until she’d given up on sleep and hauled her heavy body out of bed and into the shower. The water had done nothing to clear the tangled mess, and she’d wandered the apartment restlessly for hours.

The venomous night on the porch a week ago had become a catalyst in her life. She had seen it—there was something so bitter in her old friend that it had leached into her soul and now flooded out to hurt others. It hadn’t been pretty to experience, but realizing that Lila dealt with that bitterness daily made Tasha more determined than ever to move on.

She didn’t want to be like Lila. Bitter and alone. Refusing to accept the love being offered. Tasha was tired of being dragged back down by the things she’d thought were long buried. For the past week she’d been systematically going through all her emotional baggage. Stacking the items up and considering if they were worth holding on to, or ready for the trash.

Unfortunately, for every hurt she tossed aside, the pain of remembering took its toll and she’d been exhausted. Even this morning she’d finally admitted defeat and crawled onto the couch and collapsed with the chill of the past clinging to her.

Waking to look into his loving gaze.

Max.

He’d said he loved her. Shown it so many different ways. The thought he might not return her feelings, or might sometime choose his freedom over her—neither of those situations worried her anymore, no matter what Lila had said. Of the two of them, who should she believe? There was no contest. Maxwell Turner was a trustworthy man.

His concerned face from minutes earlier rose to her mind, and the flash of inspiration that hit made her grab the fridge door and cling tight. Right now, they were dealing with the same issue. The same advice she’d just given to Max applied to her.

Your life has changed, this is your new reality.

This was where she was—and the people she was with. She wasn’t the child abandoned by a father or uncaring mother; there were no cheating partners or unfaithful friends in her immediate circle. She was a thirty-four-year-old woman with a baby on the way. There was a man in her life who loved her, and cared for her with more energy than any one person had a right to possess. She had true friends and family surrounding her who would do everything they could to make her happy.

They all loved her.

But most of all, there was Max.

Tasha wiped away the tears flooding her eyes. There was no more denying it—how much she loved him. It had taken far too long to admit it, but it was there, inside her.

No rockets went off, no loud thunderclaps or brilliant fanfare accompanied her realization. Only tightness in her throat, and a building joy to melt the final layers of icy fear that had coated her heart for so long.

She loved him.

In the middle of her apartment kitchen with the mismatched appliances and all the cupboard contents loaded into cardboard boxes, her world turned one hundred and eighty degrees. Her own little miracle, and not a single person witnessed it.

She marveled over her realization. Love—such an ordinary event, but oh-so-extraordinary as she acknowledged it for the first time.

Tasha leaned over, the skin on her stomach stretched taut, muscles aching slightly. She slipped the box onto the clean shelf and stood, hands tight to the small of her back.

The front muscle band across her stomach, way down low, tightened again and she groaned. Damn Braxton Hicks. Talk about the ordinary and the extraordinary combining. She’d been experiencing the false contractions off and on for the past three weeks. They weren’t painful, more annoying, like a muscle that had been worked to the point of fatigue, tight and rigid. The first time they’d hit, she’d been astonished and slightly afraid. Now she took it in stride, breathing slowly until the muscles relaxed.

Again, awareness hit her. The reality was their baby would be here soon, and her body was getting ready. The practice contractions, as the books called them, were preparing her for when the real thing came along and Samantha would arrive.

Tasha had to laugh. Maybe if she considered all her waffling over the past months as practice loving for the real thing, she wouldn’t regret that it had taken so long for her to admit her true emotions. Ignoring what she felt for Max was a lie she refused to continue to tell. She wanted all of him. Every bit of his heart and soul, and she wanted to give all of herself to him as well.

Tasha snuck to the door of the office and peered in, watching him work. His fingers flew over the keyboard as he spoke into his headset. This should be forever. Them as a family—no, as a couple first—without any doubts, any fears. The poison that Lila had flung had watered down to nothing, diluted by the depth of compassion and caring Max had shown for so long.

Thinking again of Lila caused the final piece of the puzzle to click into place. There would always be someone who wouldn’t accept her unless she did what they wanted.

That wasn’t love.

Max must have seen her in his peripheral vision because he turned and smiled, asking to be excused from the person on the line. He swung the mic away from his mouth and held a hand to her. She took it and shuffled forward into his embrace.

“You need me?” he asked, smoothing a hand over her cheek.

Oh my God, yes. “Always.”

His grin widened. “I was planning on working for the afternoon to finish this up. You okay until supper?”

She nodded. Her heart was bursting to tell him what she’d realized, but even she, unromantic as she was, figured blurting out I love you right now wasn’t the way to do it. “I’m pretty sure I can keep myself busy. I’ll see you later.”

He kissed her quickly, squeezed her fingers, then dove back into whatever he was doing.

The anticipation of being able to share with him gave her a burst of energy. Suddenly, it wasn’t enough to wander the apartment dealing with the final packing details. Tasha checked her watch—there was more than enough time if she left immediately. She grabbed a sheet of paper and wrote him a note, left it on the table and headed out the door.