Unchained

Chapter Twenty-seven

Lily raced through the downpour, slipping over the rain-slicked roofs and down ledges. Nothing could erase the image of Micah’s torn body.

Let me take care of Micah? No. No. No.

Had he done this for her? Oh God, she was going to be sick.

It didn’t matter that she suspected Micah. He hadn’t deserved that. No one deserved that.

She stumbled, then fell. Sliding down the slate roof of an old factory, she caught herself at the last moment. Lily hauled herself up, huddling against an awning as her world came crashing down.

Not Julian. He couldn’t have done this. Ripped the Nephilim to bloody shreds, and for what? You shared your suspicions with him. He had offered to take care of him. What did you expect him to do? No! She had given him…everything. And her heart—oh God, she had fallen in love with him. Now she realized this? Now?

It couldn’t be true, but it was. Luke had seen it, and he would never lie to her, no matter how badly he hated Julian.

Lily pressed her fist to her mouth, smothering a scream.

She had defended him, intervened when Micah would have seriously injured if not killed him, and she…loved him. She saw Julian dangling Micah over the rooftop. Remembered his beautiful face twisting into a near hideous snarl as Micah tried to slip his dagger into his chest. What had she done? She had grabbed the dagger and tossed it aside.

She opened her eyes, staring at the dark sky as rain poured down her face.

Why aren’t you like them?

Who says I’m not?

His snarling face was replaced by the one who touched her so tenderly. Held her in his arms, made love to her, and coaxed her slowly into his world…into loving him.

She launched herself off the awning, landing on the next building. Lightning crashed overhead, and thunder echoed off the steel around her. The storm was nothing compared to what she felt inside.

Within minutes she landed on the balcony of her apartment. She had left in such a rush, she hadn’t grabbed her keys or anything. Thunder boomed overhead as Lily threw the small white chair through the reinforced glass door. It shattered into a dozen large shards. She unlocked the door, paying no attention to the piece of sharp glass that caught her hand and sliced it open. She didn’t even flinch. In fact, she welcomed the hot sliver of pain that cut through the haze of a different kind of raw hurting.

Lily stepped into her apartment; the soaked shirt clung to her skin, and her hair curled around her face. Each step she took left little puddles of water and blood behind. She left the balcony doors wide open.

In no time, the familiar awareness shifted through her. With her back to the door, she closed her eyes against the onslaught of sorrow and rage.

“Lily?”

Her shoulders stiffened at the deep sound of his voice.

“What’s happened? I could…sense something is wrong. You’re hurt.”

She inhaled a ragged breath. With her heart imploding into useless mush, she faced him. His shirt clung to his stomach, following the supple ripple of flesh and hard muscle of his chest. Rain dripped from his thick eyelashes, and his eyes burned brightly.

Could something so beautiful be such a monster?

She saw Micah’s battered body. Saw the way Luke looked at her. She remembered Nathaniel’s warnings. He is a Fallen. Never forget that.

“Julian.” The pain, the deep sense of regret for what she had to do was visible in that one word.

Julian noted the shards of glass. “Lily, what happened? Are you okay?”

“You know what happened.” She held up her hand. “Don’t come any closer.”

Something flickered in his fathomless eyes. “Lily?”

She lowered her head. Her chest rose and fell with every painful breath, and her fingers curled. “How could you do that to him?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Don’t lie to me!” she screamed. All the anger and pain bubbled over. She took a step toward him. “How could you do this? I trusted you!”

Julian raised his hand. “Lily—stop for a second. Tell me what you think I did.”

“You ripped Micah to pieces!” She shuddered, and the daggers slipped from her cuffs. She watched as his gaze narrowed upon her hands, then returned to her face. “You tore the flesh off him! Did you do this for me? Because I suspected him?”

Julian didn’t flinch. He met her wild stare with his own. “Don’t do this, Lily.”

There was no apology. No excuse—nothing. It felt like her heart had shattered all over again. “I have no choice. You left me no choice.”

“I will not fight you.”

Her eyes drifted shut briefly. She turned cold and numb. Duty, she told herself. You have your duty, if not your heart or sanity. “Then you will die.”

She flew at him. He stumbled backward, caught off guard by the intensity behind each kick and blow she delivered. The edge of her blade etched across his chest. A bright red line blossomed and bled through his damp shirt.

But he did not attack. Julian blocked what he could, but Lily moved like a whirlwind. Her jabs were quick and precise. Another red line inked down his cheek.

“Fight me!” she screamed at him again.

“I will not hurt you.” He blocked her swing.

“You already have!”

He flinched again, as if her words wounded him more than the edge of her blade. As Lily attacked, she thought of nothing but the blinding pain and shame she felt for trusting him, for loving him. Her thoughts were an irrational mess; her eyes brimmed with tears she refused to shed. And, my God, it had been Micah instead of her who ended up like Anna.

Julian knocked her arm away as her blade skated across his chest once more. “Stop this, Lily!”

She hit him with a double kick, slamming him into the wall. “I loved you!” she shrieked as she brought her right arm down on his chest.

Julian froze. Those bright eyes caught hers; his hands fell to his side. His beautiful face constricted. “Lily,” he whispered.

She faltered. She couldn’t catch her breath as she stared into those eyes. Lily saw him the first time he had saved her from Baal. Images of Julian carrying her back to the bedroom flashed before her. Kissing her, slipping inside her, and how he held her as if she were the most precious thing in the world. The way her heart swelled when she saw him, or the way her pulse quickened when he said her name so softly. She couldn’t move.

Somehow she still loved him.

Her arm trembled. There were mountains of reasons why she should kill him, especially when he made no move to defend himself. It would be easy. It wouldn’t be the first time she had killed a Fallen. That was all he was to her now—another Fallen that must be dealt with.

Oh God, she couldn’t do it. Because deep inside her, some twisted part of her still loved him. A scream of frustration tore through her, and her arm dropped.

Julian pushed off the wall, capturing her slender wrists. “Lily, please stop this.”

The worst thing was for him to touch her. It reminded her of too much. She tried to pull away. When that didn’t work, she used a side kick, but Julian flipped her around. He grabbed both of her wrists in one hand, wrapping his other arm around her waist. “Damn it, stop this!”

Lily struggled fiercely, desperately needing to get away. Even now, her body responded to him, her heart ached for him. It made no sense, but she could feel the turmoil inside of him. The pain he felt.

She kicked out, and a plant crashed to the floor. Lily managed to get her feet against the wall, but Julian knocked down her legs with one powerful sweep of his arm. She yelped and swung her elbows into his sternum.

Julian groaned. “Lily, knock it off!”

She attempted to jab him in the stomach again, but he jumped out of the way and flipped her around so that her back was against the wall. He pulled her arms above her head. Pressing the full length of his body against her, he pinned her there. “Stop it!” he snarled inches from her face. “I don’t know what the hell you think I did!”

He was crushing her, or at least that was how it felt to her. Maybe it was just a wild mix of emotions that were crushing her. “You know what you did!”

“I didn’t lay a hand on your precious Nephilim!”

“Bullshit! He said—”

“The finger was pointed at me?” he asked as his grip tightened around her wrists. “Big surprise there. I’m a Fallen. It’s reason enough for most of them.”

Lily slipped one of her legs out from his, managing to kick off the wall. This seemed to only anger him. He put her back to the wall and held her there.

“I’m a lot of things, Lily. You know what I am,” he said. “I have never hidden my nature from you. I’m single-minded—selfish to the core. I brutally protect what is mine.” His eyes bore into her, flaring with anger and a need that made her go still. “I lost my grace eons ago. I’m a Fallen, but I did not touch that Nephilim. I’m not a liar.”

Lily swallowed thickly. “Neither is Luke.”

He shifted her wrists to one hand, grasping her chin. “Look at me, Lily. Listen to me,” he ordered fiercely. “You said you loved me. How can you love someone you don’t trust?”

“No! I didn’t mean it.”

“You lied? You can’t fool me. You just haven’t loved me as long as I’ve loved you.”

“No. No!” She tipped her head back, letting out a strangled cry. Yesterday—days before—she would have melted at his feet if she had heard him say that. Now her heart crumbled. “What you did to Micah…”

“Forget about Micah.” His hand slipped to the flare of her hip. “You question if I love you? Are my words not truthful? Hearing me say it is not enough for you?”

“No.” Her hands curled, and the blades retracted harmlessly into her bracelets. “I don’t want this—these lies. I don’t love you.” She was lying, desperately so, and quickly losing control of the situation, of herself. “You’re just a Fallen. I was wrong. I saw you as a man and not what you are. I can’t love what you are!”

Anger flared deep in his eyes. “You don’t believe that. Not after all the passion we’ve shared.”

She tilted her head away. Could he see through her so easily? Her heart stuttered in her chest as his hot breath caressed her cheeks, sending shivers through her.

“All I’ve ever wanted to do is protect you, ever since the first time I saw you fighting those minions and deadheads,” he said. “It was probably after you stabbed me, but damn it, I’d never met anyone like you.”

She squeezed her eyes shut. “Stop…”

“Before I knew it, I was following you when you weren’t working. I watched you put the garden together outside. I followed you when you went to that club, hating that I knew you were with someone else and not me.” He broke off, laughing harshly. “A fallen angel brought down by jealousy after hundreds and hundreds of years. You’d think I’d be above that, but I’m not. I wanted you day after day, night after night.

“Should I remind you of how much I love you?” His voice was husky, raw with emotion. “Do you need reminding of how much you love me?”

Everything was spiraling out of control. Anger and hurt, love and lust crashed down on her. Confused, she couldn’t tell where his emotions began and hers ended.

“Don’t doubt how I feel for you.” He pressed his forehead against hers. “What I would do for you.”

Lily shuddered as she twisted against the wall, desperately trying to escape the whirlwind of emotion building in her, but she was trapped.

“You question what’s between us?” he asked, his voice sounding broken. “What I would do for you?”

Lily shook her head. “What you did…”

“I did nothing but love you.”

To hear those words now shattered her, because it mirrored the strongest emotion inside her. She loved him. Cold reality slammed into her. She loved Julian.

“Lily…” he whispered, voice ragged.

Cold reality slammed into her. She pushed against his chest, stomach twisting dangerously. I love a monster…a monster who viciously gutted Micah. She pushed harder this time, and Julian finally released her.

“Please listen…to me.”

“No.” She swallowed against the sudden tightening in her throat. She felt sick, and her heart…God, it hurt something terrible. “I…I do love you, but I…can’t do this.”

“No, Lily, listen to me.” He looked terrified, and she had never seen him this way. “I didn’t do what you think I did.”

She closed her eyes, wanting nothing more than to believe him, but Luke would never lie to her. “Please…please stop. It’s in your nature…isn’t it? We can’t do this anymore. I brought this…on Micah. I brought this on myself.”

He took a step forward, but she threw up her arm. “You’ve said you trust me, Lily. You’ve said you love me. Why can’t you believe me? I haven’t touched another Nephilim since I met you.”

Lily met his eyes. Her heart demanded that she listen to him, to give him a chance, but her heart was foolish. “I can’t. Luke would never lie to me.”

The skin between his eyes puckered. “Is that who told you I hurt Micah?”

She nodded. “He saw you. And I trust him with my life.”

Understanding flashed across his face. “You would believe whatever Luke would tell you. He has been by your side since the beginning, hasn’t he?”

“Yes.” It was all she needed to say.

He turned his face. “Then there is nothing I can say.”

He was right. Lily loved him. God, she loved him more than anything. But what he did wasn’t something she could tuck away and pretend never happened. And this…this was bound to happen. They could not exist in each other’s worlds. She had hoped it would never be something like this that would tear them apart, but she had been stupid to rely on hope.

She took an unsteady breath. The wrenching in her chest increased. “You have to leave. Don’t…follow me—don’t look for me.”

“Don’t do this, Lily.”

She turned away, her heart breaking. “Leave—please leave. We can’t do this. I can’t look at you and not see Micah. Just leave, Julian. Please, just go.”

He inhaled unsteadily, his eyes drifting shut. Becoming as still as a marble statue, the sorrow that etched across his face was painfully striking, and resignation dulled his eyes.

He moved in a way she couldn’t stop him. Capturing her chin with his fingers, he brought her lips to his. The kiss was deep and lasting—the intensity of it and the purity to it. It was no longer just a kiss but a heart-wrenching good-bye that nearly tore her apart.

When he pulled back, his touch lingered. “I love you.”

With a rush of air he was gone, and it was like he had never been there.

Lily stood alone, her fingers trembling against her lips. She could still feel him. Not only on her lips but everywhere and inside of her. There was no shaking it, no denying it. In a daze she adjusted her clothing. She couldn’t stay here, and she couldn’t go back to the Sanctuary.

She stared blankly at the broken glass and destroyed pottery. The sickness and hurt threatened to consume her. She twisted, taking off through the balcony and into the night. Desperately running as if she could escape the events that led up to the moment her heart shattered into a million pieces.