Unraveled

CHAPTER FOUR

Gray

I WAS STILL STEAMED WHEN I made it back to the table. The band hadn’t reappeared, and all the girls had left. Either dancing to some ABBA shit or going to the bathroom, I guessed.

“What’s up, hoss?” Noah asked, clearly seeing I was pissed off.

“Nothing a little liquor won’t cure.” I picked up a new bottle of beer and drained half of it before setting it down.

“Someone call you a boot?” Bo wondered. Boot was what we called new Marines or stupid Marines, which were often the same thing.

"I wish.” I tried to smile and joke back so I didn’t ruin the evening with a shitty attitude. “I’m not even wearing any gear from the Corps.”

"Another reason to get out, buddy. You can stop wearing clothes issued by Uncle Sam."

"That's not even in the top ten reasons why not to re-enlist."

"Glad to know you're making a list." Bo clinked his bottle against mine.

"The list to get out is always longer than the one to stay in."

"Sounds like you already made up your mind."

I sucked down my bottle. "Who knows? Maybe."

"Do you even need this vacation?”

"Even if I had made up my mind, I wouldn’t say. Who's going to turn down forty-five days of consecutive leave?"

Bo laughed as I’d intended. With his attention diverted, I gave myself a mental shake. So I kissed a married woman. It’s not like I knew that going in. Otherwise, it would’ve never happened. I wasn’t going to allow one cheating woman to ruin my time here.

“Get out then. Come here to Central with us. It’ll be like old times.”

"Not everyone has a trust fund to fall back on."

Bo smirked. "Don't try that with me, son of a congressman. You aren't hurting."

"What's this?" AnnMarie and the rest of the girls had returned. By the looks of their freshly applied makeup, bathroom had been the right call. I tried to warn Bo to keep his mouth shut, but he'd already started spilling it all out.

"Gray's dad is the Honorable Phillips from the—what district is it?"

"Fifth," Noah offered. I closed my eyes in resignation. So much for trying to be anonymous. Whatever advantage I'd been trying to achieve through being in entirely different surroundings where no one knew me was lost, but I’d never told Bo and Noah I wanted anonymity so that was on me. I should have went white water rafting in Colorado for a month with a bunch of strangers. I should've packed less gear. I should've avoided that last conversation with my dad. I should’ve turned away from Sam Anderson’s doe eyes. Lots of should haves.

Bo knocked me in the shoulder. "Hey, buddy, it can only go up from here."

"Thanks, man." I gave an obligatory laugh and tried to loosen up.

A few minutes later a rough group of guys showed up. Four of them, varying heights and hair colors, were sporting the same tattooed tough-guy look. They wore sneakers, T-shirts, and chains running from the sagging waistband of their ripped jeans to the wallets stuck in the front pockets. Tattoos covered nearly every inch of bare skin. One of them greeted Adam by knocking his forearm against Adam's forearm twice. Lots of civilians gave the military crap for their uniforms but everyone had a uniform. You only had to look around the table to see it. College kids wore the uniform of lazy carelessness. These newcomers’ clothing, hair, and attitudes all indicated they were in the same tribe. Uniforms were everywhere; discipline, however, was not.

I balanced on my chair lightly and didn't pick up a drink, not wanting to be caught off guard if a fight started. Worse thing about being off base? Not having a weapon at the ready. My trigger finger itched and I scanned the grounds to see what I could use just in case.

“There’s no danger here. Ease off Marine,” Noah whispered in my ear. I gave him a rueful smile and settled back. Another chair was brought up and the guy who greeted Adam dropped into it while his friends wandered back into the bar. Our waitress brought out a glass filled to the top with a dark lager. Introductions were made around the table although it was clear that they were for my benefit. Most of the table appeared to have met this Tucker Anderson before.

When I heard his name I tensed up for another reason. Shit, I bet this was Sam’s husband. She had a lot of nerve kissing me in the back hallway when her husband could’ve shown up at anytime.

"How's your dick?" Tucker asked Adam. "You laying off the pussy like I told you to?"

Was Tucker some kind of doctor that'd he be asking about Adam's dick all casual like? The rest of the table wanted to know the answer to the question.

"Thanks for your lack of discretion, buddy." Adam folded his arms and glared at Tucker.

Tucker spread his hands innocently in front of him. "I'm raising your dating capital." To the girls at the table, he announced, "Adam got his dick pierced."

He wasn’t wrong. Almost before he got out the word “pierced” the entire bar tilted toward Adam. Even Bo and Noah's girls leaned toward Adam with interest in their eyes. The questions came fast.

"Did it hurt?"

"What kind?"

"How does it feel?"

And from our waitress, "Are you gonna show us?"

Bo looked at AnnMarie's avid curiosity and groaned. "Oh, sunshine, no. You wouldn't do that to little Bo, now would you?"

AnnMarie nestled back in Bo's arms and giggled. "Nah, only because you're not so little." That was exactly the right line to deliver and Bo laid a kiss on her that raised the temperature of the group about five degrees. My two boys settling down made me feel strange inside, a little empty. It was an unwelcome feeling and I drank the rest of my bottle trying to drown it.

Tucker abandoned Adam to target Finn next. "Thanks for sending your girlfriend's sister by. She's working out great."

"She's my ex, but thanks. Winter's very talented." Finn's voice held an odd oppressive note, like he didn't want to talk about it but Tucker was oblivious.

"You might tell her that." Tucker smirked. "Your ex-girlfriend was all over the ink shop yesterday telling Winter about how you two were about heartbeats away from registering at Target."

This reveal only made Finn's glower turn darker. Maybe Tucker wasn't oblivious. Maybe he was just an asshole. Not that this excused Sam for cheating on him. She should’ve chosen better in the first place.

"Lay off, Anderson," Adam said coolly and turned a warning gaze at Finn. No crazy shit in his bar, he telegraphed. Finn got the message and stared at the band, cutting Tucker out. Having lost his toy, Tucker scanned the bar and then turned to Adam. "Where's Sam? She said she was working tonight."

Adam gave a nod toward the second floor of the bar. "VIP."

"Why? She hates it up there."

Maybe because she’s found an ounce of shame and took herself away from the scene of the crime. I shifted uncomfortably in my chair, the guilt scratching at my back. I had to come clean to this guy, but not in front of everyone.

"She doesn't hate it. Besides, I think it was too crowded down here for her," Adam said.

"Whatever. I need to see her. I think she's pissed at me," Tucker said.

"How come?"

"Why d’you automatically assume I'd done something?" Tucker complained, but he caved under Adam's cool stare. "Fine. I skipped out on the memorial lunch."

Adam and Finn cursed in unison.

"You're a douchebag. Your brother dies during deployment and you can’t even bring yourself to go to lunch?” Adam punched Tucker in the arm. From Tucker's wince, the fist carried a bit more power than a friendly smack. Tucker must've felt guilty because he took the punch without retaliation. So maybe Tucker was a serious douche, but that still didn’t excuse Sam from kissing me.

"Yeah, yeah, but seriously, I need to see her. When's she got a break?" Tucker asked.

Adam stared at him for a moment, kind of measuring him up. "You still got a thing for her? If so, you better start treating her right."

"Or else what? You're going make a move?" Tucker asked a little belligerently. This was like a goddamn telenovela. I looked at Bo and he wiggled his eyebrows. But seriously they were asking if Tucker still had a thing for his own wife? Were they separated? I wanted to stand up, yell time out and have everyone explain themselves because I was damned confused. The one thing I did figure out was I owed someone an apology and right now I had a feeling that apology needed to be given to Sam.

"No, dumbass. And I don't think you should either,” Adam replied.

"Why, because of Will?" Tucker returned. More belligerence. Everyone at the table was watching this train wreck. We couldn’t look away. "At least I'm not fucking sisters."

This was apparently directed toward Finn because he leaned forward immediately and shot back, "No, you’re only trying to fuck your dead brother's widow."

Tucker's chair made a screeching sound when he stood up, fists at the ready. Finn had risen to meet the challenge and everyone on my side of the table tensed up. We were backing Finn. No question. But Adam stood and separated the two.

"Come on, Tucker, let's go upstairs." Tucker allowed himself to be dragged away while Finn stood glaring at the two of them. He kicked one of the chairs and then left the bar. A minute later, we heard the roar of a hemi engine as Finn drove away.

"Did I catch that right? Tucker Anderson is Sam's brother-in-law? And he wants in her panties?" Everyone nodded, wide-eyed. Yup, I'd gotten that right, which meant I’d gotten everything oh-so-wrong before. Well, shit. All the details clicked into place. Sam was a widow of a military guy who’d died over in the Middle East. Her brother-in-law was the crapbag who’d just taken off. And I was the fucker who’d accused her of cheating on her dead husband. I started toward the bar.

"Don't go there," Bo said warningly. “No need to save damsels you don’t even know.”

"Go where?" I pretended like I didn't know what he was talking about.

“She’s got all she can handle if her brother-in-law is looking for a poke," Noah added.

"Ugh, can we not talk about that poor girl like this?" Grace interjected.

"Sorry," we all mumbled. It was low class. She’d made the ultimate sacrifice, losing her man in battle. That had to be respected and I wasn’t leaving until I’d made amends.

Samantha

AFTER GATSBY’S CLEARED OUT, I came down and helped Eve cash out the patio bar. “The hottie that arrived with Adam left alone, or at least without a girl. Maisey was mad because he wouldn't even accept her number. Just said that she was too pretty for him.”

I ignored her and sorted and arranged the bills so all the numbers were facing the same direction. Orderly things made sense. Knitting a precise pattern of stitches into a blanket or socks made sense. Trying to figure out a new man? That did not make sense.

"He came up to the bar a couple of times. Like he was looking for someone,” Eve said.

My hand hovered over the bills for a moment as a little thrill inside of me surged up. He looked for me? No, stop it, I thought, and clenched my hand for a moment, the pain of my nails digging into my palm bringing me back down to earth.

Eve put out a hand to stop my counting. “Steve said you had a run-in with a customer and that’s why you hid upstairs all night. The patron he described sounded a lot like Adam’s new friend.”

I closed my eyes for a moment and then opened them to see Eve still staring at me. “Yeah, it was him. I kissed him.” I didn’t tell her that I virtually dragged him down the dark hallway and then climbed him like a pole and rubbed against him like a cat in heat until I was left with wet panties and a whole lot of regrets.

Eve squealed and clapped her hands. “Oh, Sam, that’s awesome. What happened next?” She placed her fingers under her chin for support and batted her eyelashes. “Tell me more. Tell me more. Did he put up a fight?”

I smiled at her use of the words from Grease. “No, Sandra Dee, he did not, but when he saw my wedding ring he was plenty pissed off.”

“Oh no.” She groaned and lifted my left hand. She grimaced slightly. “Do you think you’re ready to take that off? You definitely don’t want to be attracting guys who think it’s okay to hit on married women.”

“I hadn’t even thought of it that way.” I didn’t know if I was ready to take off the ring. Removing the band seemed to signal that I was ready for other things—like another relationship, another boyfriend, another husband. Experimentally, I tugged at my diamond, but there was little give to it, the knuckle preventing the ring from sliding any further off my finger. No, not ready for taking my ring off then. But the memory of Gray’s mouth on mine and the dirty words he’d growled in my ear made me think I was ready for something. The press of his body against mine was like taking the first sip of hot coffee in the morning. It woke me up and I was hungry for more. I knocked my head against the register. “I’m no good at this. It’s just one of a million reasons why I shouldn’t have been kissing Gray.”

“No. No. It’s all good. Is that his name, Gray? I like it. It’s unusual.”

“It’s a color. Who names their kids colors?”

“Weird people. California people.” Eve’s boyfriend had arrived in the lounge and parked himself on a bar stool while I finished cashing out the drawer and she completed the bottle count.

“Opposites, then,” Eve cooed. She let go of my hand so she could pat her heart.

“Don’t go having us married in your imagination. I can’t even get my ring off, which means according to you that I’ll only attract the slimiest of slime.” The beautifully cut facets sparkled even in the crappy lighting of the bar as I waved my hand in front of her face. “This is Carolyn’s, you know.”

“Will gave you his mother’s ring?”

“Yes. But then David had to buy Carolyn a five-carat diamond to replace this one.” I pulled the diamond around to the inside of my hand. “It all worked out.”

“Are you going to see him again?”

Picking up the bills, I started counting again. “No. He was pretty angry. Besides, I could probably be used in an instructional video about how not to interact with males."

“Go up to him and explain.”

“Explain what?” Randy interjected.

“Sam made out with a guy tonight down by the storage closet and then he saw her ring and got mad. I told her she should go and explain that she’s not married anymore.”

For a moment I was irritated that Eve was sharing but what the heck, a male opinion might be worthwhile. “What do you think?” I asked him.

“I’m not sure I’d feel comfortable kissing a girl who’s got her wedding band on.” He popped more nuts in his mouth, swallowed them, and added, “But if you want to see him again then an explanation is worth a shot. Be real obvious about it. Guys are dense. Go up to him and say ‘Hey, boy, I want to do you tonight.’”

"Is that how you picked Randy up, Eve?" I teased.

"No way. He was even denser. I had to basically club him over the head and then drag him back to the car. Even then I had to climb onto him before he realized I was interested.”

"Hey, no," he protested. "I just wanted to be sure you were sure.”

"I couldn't have been a surer thing if you'd had paid for me." She shook her head in mock dismay. "But I took him against the car anyway."

"Against the car?" I was torn between being aghast and envious.

"If you haven't tried that position then I’m really sorry because up against the wall or door while he's between your knees, one leg slung over his shoulder is," she paused and shuddered, "un-friggin-believable.”

I stared at her and recalled the truncated promise Gray had given me. Just the memory made me shiver. "I believe you. I think I'm turned on just by hearing you describe it.”

"I know I am," said Randy.

"Can't wait for tonight, baby." She leaned over and cleaned his tonsils out. I watched them far too long to be polite. I realized then that I had been missing sex and more, real intimacy with another person. I missed what Eve had with her boyfriend, the right to have casual intimate contact. To hold hands with someone in public, to know that on all the important holidays someone was thinking of me. I’d missed it so much that I’d attacked a stranger in the hallway. Should I go after Gray and explain? Should I explore these feelings he’d roused? I thought I was immune to men and that my girl parts had shriveled because not one guy in the two years since Will died even warranted a second look let alone stirred sexual desire.

Eve must've seen my envious glance or felt my overlong stare because she broke it off and shooed her boyfriend away.

"It's been two years, why not give another guy a chance or at least just hook up? Get back in the game.”

I looked down at my left hand and the diamond winked backed at me. "I don't know how.”

“Go over to Adam’s house tomorrow. Maisey said he’s staying there for like six weeks. Or ask him over to your condo for coffee.”

“Coffee?”

“Or a movie.”

“What kind of coffee? And a movie? For someone I don’t know.” This sounded like terrible advice.

Randy snorted. “It’s never coffee.”

“What?”

“It’s never coffee. Or even a movie,” he elaborated. “You invite him over for anything and he’ll know you’re asking to have sex.”

“I thought you guys were dense and that I had to ask for things straight up.” Getting back into the dating pool was going to take a lot of effort. Probably more effort than I was interested in exerting. Yet…wouldn’t it be nice to leave the bar and crawl in bed next to someone? The ache I felt in my heart may not be soothed, but the ache in the body could be.

“Everyone knows that an invitation over to her place for anything after, say, eight at night, maybe even seven, is a booty invitation. And vice versa.” He shook his finger at me. “You should know this if you’re gonna start sleeping around.”

Thankfully Eve hit him so I didn’t have to. “What?” He held up his hands. “I thought we were just tossing out advice to the poor chick.”

“Don’t even,” she warned, “or you won’t get any of what I was talking about earlier.”

Randy sat back and motioned that he was zipping his lip.

I sighed. “It’s okay. I need all the advice I can get. I haven’t done this in, well, ever. I grew up with Will. I knew him better than I knew myself at times. This Gray guy, I only know he smells good.” And other stuff that I didn’t want to admit like how strong he was when he held me against the wall and how his rough calloused fingers on the bare skin of my thigh made me damp just at the memory.

“He’s a Marine on leave for a few weeks staying with former members of his—whatever they’re called—troop?”

“Platoon,” I said flatly. I’d forgotten the most important thing about Gray—that was he was in the military and that I wasn’t ever getting involved with another military guy. Not even for a casual, one-night hook up. Eve opened her mouth to say something, but I didn’t let her. “Whatever argument you’ve got, just shelve it."

"You need hair of the dog," she told me, ignoring my admonition. “One military guy breaks your heart, get good loving from another to put it back together."

"Will didn't break my heart. He died."

"Same thing, honey. You've been heartbroken for two years now. This could be the perfect antidote."

"You're crazy." I walked down to the other end of the bar and Eve followed me.

"I might be crazy but it doesn't mean I'm wrong. Trust me, I know heartbreak. You know I do."

Breaking my heart would've been Will leaving me for someone else. He didn't leave me. He went to serve his country. He still loved me. If he would have had it his way, we’d be happily married with a kid on the way. Then why did he enlist? Why did he choose a dangerous military occupational specialty?

Because he loved his country too, I told my little voice mulishly.

A cold cloth pressed against my temple. A quiet moment in the corner of the bar was what I needed to silence the voices, but I couldn’t tell anymore which were speaking lies. The ones that told me he loved me or the ones that told me he didn't.

"He didn't break my heart," I repeated.

Eve kissed the top of my head. "Didn't say he didn't love you, honey, just that he broke your heart. This guy is perfect. He’s a rebound guy—only around for a few weeks. You do him, get back on the horse, and you're ready for a real relationship then."

"Did you know, besides that insane moment earlier with Gray, that you’re the only person I've kissed on the mouth since Will died?" I tapped my index finger against my lower lip. "So that's like twenty-six months, because I saw him the weekend before he deployed."

"Christ, girl, no wonder you were making out with soldier boy." Eve brushed by me to stick the cash drawer, minus the cash, back into the register. "You're like a bear waking up from hibernation. Try out someone else. Those big alphas can be a handful." She winked at Randy who grinned like a man well satisfied.

"Because I'm slow and doddering, like a bear?"

"No, because you're hungry. I'm afraid you'll try to feast on him in front of everyone."

Too late, I thought. “I can’t even pull my ring off so I think I’m still hibernating.”

Eve shook her head. “Nope.”

“And you know this how?”

“Because before you wouldn’t even talk about guys. I don’t think you even saw that they were actual sexual beings. And now? Now you’re actually asking questions. We gotta make sure you’re pointed in the right direction for your hunt.”

“I sound very predatory…and dangerous.” They both laughed. I appreciated Eve’s words, though, because they made my earlier reactions less embarrassing viewed through her perspective. “If I was interested, though, Gray is not my type. He’s too tall and…bold. Plus, he’s not even from around here.”

“That’s what makes him absolutely perfect,” Eve declared. “Who cares what he does for a living? It’s not like you are going to marry him. He’s a rebound guy. You’re getting your feet wet. Even better, you both know it’s temporary.”

Temporary. I rolled that word around on my tongue and after a moment I realized it didn’t scare me. It felt alright. In fact, it made me kind of excited.