Up in the Air

Chapter 14

The rhythm of small branches snapping under foot added percussion to the song of the birds as the petite woman strolled through the deafening quiet of the woods. It was a version of the song that she had heard many times in her youth when she had gone on the long, thoughtful walks with her grandfather. She smiled at his favorite saying as it came to her mind. ‘To refresh the soul you only need to listen to your heart beat in time with the song of nature.’ That was exactly what she was trying to do, refresh her soul, but this time it just wasn’t happening. Perhaps it was the fact that ever since Danni had watched Garrett walk away from her and go out the door for the last time her heart just didn’t want to beat. The aching in her chest would not go away and it truly felt like her heart was breaking in two. There seemed no need for it to be whole anymore. It beat now only to sustain the agony and torment that she felt.

For each of the last seven days, Danni had spent most of her waking hours walking through the paths that she and her grandfather had used in the days of her youth. Things seemed so much simpler then, when all she had to do was go to school and follow the wishes of her mother. She had often dreamed, back then, of finding her someone to share her life with, to become one with in the everyday working of the world around her. She just never dreamed back then that it would be a tall, raven-haired woman surgeon by the name of Garrett Trivoli. Would her life be any different if she had known back then? She was sure that it would have been, especially if her mother had known. "I probably would have been forced into a marriage so that I’d come to my senses with the first man my mother could find that met her plan for my life."

She thought about that for a moment and brought her walking to a halt. "Maybe it’s good that I didn’t know that I was gay back then." Her mind tumbled aimlessly over the thought of being in a physical union with someone but still feeling alone, her soul was not joined with the half that it sought to feel complete. "By the gods, it couldn’t feel worse than this."

The tears that were so easy to form were there in a second. At times she wondered where her body was getting all the moisture to keep the river of sadness flowing through her eyes. After bringing her arms up to wipe the tears away from her cheeks, she opened her eyes to see the large upside down letters of U.S.C. written on the sweatshirt she wore. Suddenly, the rush that she had felt at Garrett’s touch coursed through her body as the image of the woman implanted itself firmly in her mind.

The petite woman stood there on the forest’s floor and raised her eyes to the heavens above. Then, as if offering a prayer that the pain of this separation would be soon replaced by only the memory of the friendship and love that she had experienced over the last year, she remained silent with her thoughts.

It seemed now that everywhere she looked, everything she touched brought back memories of the beautiful woman. Danni prayed that it would become easier over the next week without her. She shook her head in wonderment at how she was going to be able to resume any kind of normalcy to her life once she entered that hospital again. She was certain that the wispy illusions that she had been seeing here in the forest would only be multiplied a thousand times. They would come out from every corner and every hallway that the woman had used over the last year, popping up at the most inopportune times she was sure.

Once again the petite woman started walking down the pathways of her life, as she crossed the woodland floor, letting her pain eke out so as not to gather it all in one place. She followed the trail now as she had followed the surgeon, being ever mindful of the many skills that were needed to keep her balance and attain her goal. But that was part of the problem, her goal had been moved, eradicated of sort. Perhaps that was why Danni felt as though for the past week she had been walking with nowhere to go, no goal to achieve, and most of all, no one to come home to.

As the light of the forest floor began to dim, the forlorn woman brought her arms across her chest and held on, both for comfort and for warmth, as the sun began its slow descent in the sky. It would be dark soon and there she would be, alone in the cabin with only the warmth of the well-worn college sweatshirt to hold her through the night. She wondered when the pain would end but then thought if it did, would that mean that she no longer had Garrett in her heart? She hastened her steps toward the cabin, afraid of what the answer would be.

The golden rays of the sun setting low on the horizon bathed the clearing that the cabin was nestled into. As the young woman came to the end of the trail, her eyes took in the beautiful sight of the sun-drenched lake reflecting the colorful hues of the sky. It was a breathtaking view as the shimmering water moved with the glow of the world around it. The lure of it called out to her as she slowly came to its edge. Like a lover’s arms outstretched to her, the water beckoned her closer.

She walked along the sandy shore until her steps led her to the long-standing pier that stretched out into the lake, away from the land. There, standing at the furthermost point of dryness in the mist of water, she felt like she was now a part of the images that her eyes beheld. She turned her head slowly to drink in the sight of nature at its finest. Lowering her eyes to the water in front of her, Danni once again saw the illusion of her friend rippling with the rhythm of the lake. The words slipped out of her mouth before her mind could register them. "What I wouldn’t give to have you here with me now?" Then she closed her eyes and turned her head trying hard not cry.

"Could you give me another chance at friendship…perhaps, even a chance at love?"

The words came to her ears in the form of the voice she was so familiar with and it scared her. ‘By the gods, I’m really losing it now. First, it’s her image and now I’m hearing her voice. Danni girl, you’re really losing it now.’

"Danni?"

That was it. She heard the voice again. She was definitely getting worse and not better. How would she ever survive? Then she remembered her Grandfather’s lectures about life and confronting your fear head on. And that was what she decided to do as she spun around and opened her eyes.

Through the veil of tears, her vision fell on golden hued skin encased by raven hair and the blue eyes that she remembered so well. Needing to prove to herself that her mind was the one playing tricks, the petite woman stepped forward and readied herself to meet the illusion. Her arms reached out and wrapped around the form bringing it to her. ‘Whoa! Wait a minute here.’

The shock of having a solid form in her arms startled Danni and the woman gasped in alarm.

Pushing her arms out at length, Danni leaned back and looked with renewed interest at the being in front of her. "Gar?"

The dark-haired form nodded and the two embraced as though they had been separated for all of eternity. Slowly the life came back into the hearts that were lacking as the women basked in the rich glow of the sun and the warmth of the love that was filling their hearts.

"Gar, is this really you?"

The softly whispered words fell like music on her ears and the tall woman responded to it with the gentle nodding of her head. "Yes, Danni, it’s me."

That was all that the young woman needed to hear and she tightened her embrace vowing never to let go again. "I was hoping it was."

The sentiment that it brought to Garrett was enough to give her the strength she needed to overcome any fear she might have had about how she would be received. If this moment was any example of the love that the two shared, the surgeon was sure that she had done the right thing by coming back.

She was sure of it now, as she felt the tears soaking into her shirt from the young woman in her arms.

"Tears of joy, I hope?"

Danni felt the blush start in the base of her neck as she struggled to respond. "Now, they are." She sensed the touch of long, sinewy fingers under her chin as she felt her head being tipped back and Garrett’s face came into her view. Blue eyes met with green and the silent outpouring of two long separated souls spoke volumes to one another of their journey to where they were now.

It was as though the world had stopped revolving and time stood still. The draw of the souls longing to be together edged each one closer and soon, soft, moist lips pressed one against the other. The charge of the electricity surging through their bodies was enough to start any weakened heart, healing the wounds that had been placed there in a now forgotten time. The kiss was soft and tender as their bodies adjusted to the touch. After a lingering moment, the touch of lip to lip faded and they stood looking into each other’s eyes, drinking in the love that they had seen and now tasted.

Like two small children eager to tell a secret, they whispered what was foremost on their minds, bothering not to listen to the other.

"I love you," was the nearly unison verbiage that filled the air between their bodies.

Each one looked in wonderment of the other as dreams long sought were finally being realized. Suddenly all of the time and torture that they had gone through meant nothing compared to what they were feeling now and looked forward to in the future. They had finally come to their senses and it felt good.

The sound of a distant motorboat broke the spell that they had been held in and they found themselves feeling shy with the other. With nervous giggles catching in their throats, they moved away from one another leaving only their hands to make contact now. This was all so new for the both of them and they weren’t quite sure how to act.

With the threat of the outside world invading their newly found realm of each other, Danni’s mind was soon wondering what had happened to bring the surgeon to her.

"Gar, is something wrong? Why are you here? Aren’t you supposed to be on your way to Arizona?" The questions rolled off of her tongue before she could stop them. The concern was evident in the furrowed brow under the wind tossed golden hair, green eyes looking deeply for answers in the blue reflective pools of the surgeon.

"Nothing’s wrong, Danni, at least not now. I think I finally came to my senses. I’m not taking that position in Arizona." Garrett watched the nurse’s face for any sign of disapproval. There was none.

"But Gar, they’re expecting you to be there. What did you tell them?"

The raven-haired woman looked out over the lake. "I told them the truth, my heart just wasn’t in making the move." Garrett looked back at Danni. "No matter where I would move, my heart would always be here with you." It was the truth, and the surgeon knew it.

The petite nurse stood mesmerized by the complete truthfulness of the statement. It was the exact thing that she herself considered to be true, her heart would be with the surgeon no matter where they both were.

Content that their hearts were in the right place, Danni turned around to view the sunset over the opposite shore of the lake. It was the first time that they would share a sunset together as a couple, and arm in arm, they basked in its waning glow. The silent show of nature drawing the curtain on the day’s magnificent glory was more beautiful then they could have ever imagined.

Garrett moved behind Danni and wrapped her long arms around the woman in front of her, holding her close to her body. ‘I’d give anything for the rest of my life to be like this, embracing the one that I love and enjoying the beauty of nature together each evening.’ But it was only a wish and she knew that the reality of it happening with their given professions was not likely. She’d have to be content with whatever they could steal from their demanding jobs and enjoy it as best they could.

Together they stood and watched until the last burnt orange glimmer of sun faded from the sky and the faint twinkles hinted at the stars in the darkening ceiling above them.

"Gar?"

"Hmm…"

The blonde smiled at the warmth she was feeling nestled up against the surgeon’s body. "What are you going to do now? I mean…where are you going to work?"

"I thought that I’d talk to McMurray when we get back at the end of the week. I’m afraid that a job in surgery might be a little up in the air right now. I’ll have to see."

Danni nodded, and for the first time knew exactly how much the surgeon thought of her. Garrett had given up a lucrative position in a wonderful setting and all because of the love that she had for the nurse. The petite woman closed her eyes and thanked the gods for bringing Garrett Trivoli back to her. Whatever had caused it, she would forever be grateful.

"Why…why did you want to leave in the first place? Was it because you weren’t sure I’d return your love?"

The surgeon swallowed hard, half-afraid to admit what she had thought. "I…I thought you were pregnant and didn’t want to be the cause of the child not having both parents. I thought you and David…"

"Me and David?" Danni spun around in the long arms to face the surgeon. "Gar, whatever gave you that idea?" The green eyes searched the shadowy face for a clue. "David was just a friend, I’d never…"

"I know, David told me." The tall woman cast her eyes to the ground. "I knew that you were in love with someone, I just assumed that it was him. I never dreamed that it was me." Garrett raised her gaze to look into the sea green pools asking for forgiveness.

"Gar, but why…why would you think that I was pregnant?"

"The day that McMurray sent me to David’s hospital, I opened the door to the house and that was when I heard you say. ‘I’m pregnant.’ I have to admit it caught me off guard. I just assumed that it was from your time with David in West Virginia."

"Oh, Gar." Danni shook her head and began to laugh. "Mother strikes again." Suddenly Danni knew exactly where the misconception came.

"What?" The surgeon’s eyebrow shot up on her forehead.

"Mother thought that I was pregnant and having twins. That was the letter that I was reading when you walked in. She seemed to think that I was having a wild, torrid love affair with a staff member at the hospital."

The eyebrow pushed ever upward now. "Who?"

"Why that tall, dark and always on the prowl for new meat," Danni chuckled at the thought, "Trauma Fellow, Garrett Trivoli."

"Huh?" The surgeon was dumbfounded. "I don’t understand."

"Mother was at the hospital the other week and saw Rene in your Flight Suit and overheard him talking about expecting to get his twins in his arms soon. I had told her long ago that you, Garrett Trivoli had moved in with me and well, I guess one thing lead to another and…I was pregnant." Danni smiled not believing herself what she had just said.

"I bet my parents never realized how much trouble my name was going to be."

Danni smiled coyly. "Or maybe they did?" Then winked at the surgeon and tugged at her hand. "Come on, it’s getting dark and I’m famished. Hey, how about I make us something to eat and you start a fire going in the fireplace?"

"Sounds like a plan to me." Garrett moved in tow as Danni led her up the pathway to the cabin.

The two women sat on the rug with their backs against the couch, each one leaning into the other as they watched the dying embers of the fire. Neither of them wanted to part or skirt the issue of sleeping. They were content in just sitting there together with the outside world locked up and being kept far away from their door.

They had continued in their lives of making small talk and eating but the main emphasis of their time was just being together. Taking the time to explore the new realm of friendship that they were embarking on, they stole looks at one another and even tender kisses as the fire glowed brightly both in the hearth and in their hearts.

It was during one of those stolen glances that Danni first noticed the gold chain around Garrett’s neck. Following it down to the top of the surgeon’s open shirt, the petite woman recognized the free-floating heart pendant that it carried.

"Something new?"

Garrett looked down to where Danni’s eyes were fixed. "You should know, you left it with Mom to give it to me on my last day."

"I did? Gar, I didn’t give it to Mom…" and then she knew. The staunch old Charge Nurse, Karen, had taken things into her own hands. Danni had looked at the exact same heart with the thoughts of giving it to Garrett if she had ever gotten her courage up to tell her of the love she held for the woman.

"How did Mom know?"

"You mean that you didn’t…"

"No, but I have to admit that I was looking at that exact pendant with the thoughts of telling you that I loved you."

Garrett touched the heart and looked into Danni’s eyes. "Maybe Karen knows us both better than we know ourselves. This heart and your letter finally made me realize that I was just running from opening up my heart and letting you in."

There was silence for a moment as both thought of how their lives were changing.

"Gar, I don’t want any more misunderstanding or miscommunications between us. We’ve wasted too much time with that already."

"I agree. Let’s just be open and honest with each other and take it slow until we both feel comfortable with this. Okay?" The surgeon looked deep into the green eyes, wishing to see the innermost beauty of the woman in her arms. "We need to come to each other with anything that concerns us. I’m sorry that I didn’t do that earlier."

"Agreed. We’ll take it nice and slow but we are going to talk a lot more than before."

"Hmm…talk. I might be able to do that." The lopsided grin spread slowly across her face as she turned back to look at the dying fire. "Well, let me start talking by saying that I’ve got a lot to learn about love, Danni. It’s not something that I’ve had a lot of in my life, at least not in the last 20 years."

The young woman nodded. "I know. I’m not that experienced with it myself, at least not in the physical sense." Danni’s gaze dropped to the floor as the hint of a blush started up her face. "Gar…I’ve never…"

"Shhh." Garrett hushed her and kissed her forehead. "We’re in this together, like a team. We don’t rush into anything until we’re both ready for it. Do you understand?"

"Yeah, I understand." Danni looked at the almost non-existent fire and sighed. "I guess it’s bedtime, huh?"

Garrett nodded and looked over to the bunk beds against the wall, not wanting to lose the connection that she had just found. "There wouldn’t be any other bedding in this cabin would there?"

The smile spread slowly across Danni’s face. She too didn’t want their closeness to stop at the thought of sleep. "Yes, there is," and she lifted her gaze to the loft overhead. "It was where my grandfather slept." And she got up from the floor tugging the surgeon with her as she did. "Come on, let’s get ready for bed."

What had been a dreaded time now became one of jubilation as they both realized that they could spend the rest of the night sleeping while still reveling in the closeness of the newfound love. Eagerly they both dashed to their suitcases and sought out the apparel for the night. With their backs to each other they hurriedly dressed and then shyly turned to the staircase leading up to the loft.

There was no worry about who would sleep on what side for both women knew that the sides would be left empty and the two would cuddle one up against the other in the middle of the double bed. Crawling under the covers, their bodies soon entwined with long strong arms encircling the petite form of the blonde.

The surgeon lay there content in her being as she reflected on the past year of her Fellowship that had taught her many things. The two most important of them all did not concern her surgical skills but rather what had been haunting her life. The ability to open her heart to love and the knowledge that she was no longer alone came to her like a message from beyond the grave in the form of one petite nurse who was now held in her arms as well as in her heart.

"Danni?" The soft whisper came out.

"Yeah, Gar."

"I was just thinking. I’m glad that I’m going to be learning what love is all about from the best teacher that I could possibly have. I just hope that there aren’t too many curves for me to get around along the way."

"I’ll try to keep them to a minimum. Now, let’s get some sleep, we’ve got the rest of our lives to learn how to love." Danni snuggled into the shoulder of the surgeon, happy that her heart and soul were now feeling whole. She had put her faith for love into the hands of the gods and they had delivered her the tall, dark, surgeon, Garrett Trivoli. And there through the pathways of life they would walk, sometimes leading sometimes following, but always they would be together.

Kdarblyne@aol.com