going to be able to manage by herself.”
“I know. I’m going to have to get some temporary help in here for her right
away.” Leslie set her beer aside and started to pace. “A cook, for sure. And
someone to run the boats and look after maintenance, because my father’s not
going to be able to do much for the rest of the season. And that damn truck has
to go. I had to stop twice to let the engine cool off.”
Dev sipped her beer and watched Leslie slide effortlessly from exhaustion and
distress into sharply focused control. It was impressive.
It was probably costly too, she imagined, physically and emotionally.
She wasn’t surprised that Leslie had a blood pressure problem.
“All that’s going to take more than a few days,” Dev pointed out.
“I can stay another week or two,” Leslie said, her expression distant as she
calculated what needed to be done and how she would manage that and the
work she wanted to do. “I was planning on being up here a few weeks anyhow.
If I need a little longer, I can keep working out of the local ofÞ ce while I get
things squared away here.”
“Uh,” Dev said carefully, “I sort of got the impression you were supposed to be
taking it easy while you were here. Not taking on another job.”
Leslie waved a hand impatiently. “I’m Þ ne. I haven’t had any problems since
I’ve been here.”
• 99 •
RADCLY fFE
“You did the day you arrived.”
“I’d just gotten out of the hospital and hadn’t had any sleep at all.” Leslie Þ xed
Dev with a pointed stare. “Not that it’s any of your business, Devon, but I
arranged for the damn tests they wanted me to have.”
Dev grinned. “Good.”
“Of course,” Leslie said, searching through the utility drawer for paper and a
pen, “I’ll have to reschedule those now.”
“Why?”
Leslie started making a list. “Because I’m supposed to get most of them
tomorrow afternoon, and that’s impossible.”
“Why?”
“You know, I don’t remember you being such a pain in the ass,”
Leslie muttered.
“Neither were you.”
Leslie gave her a sidelong glare, but she smiled. “My father’s going to be
operated on tomorrow and I’ll need to stay with my mother in the morning.
Then I have to deal with this place.”
“My schedule’s ß exible. I can keep an eye on things here.”
“You must have your own work to do.”
“I was going out to the islands the day after tomorrow, but I can postpone that a
few days. I’ve got plenty of work to do around here.”
Dev got up to Þ nish slicing the leftover ham. “At least until things are more
settled with your dad. I don’t mind, really.”
Leslie sighed. “It would help a lot.”
“One stipulation.”
“I don’t usually make deals.” Leslie folded her arms and regarded Dev
appraisingly. “But I suppose you can try.”
Dev leaned against the counter and met Leslie’s gaze steadily.
Seeing the calculation and unmistakable power in Leslie’s eyes, Dev
appreciated for the Þ rst time that this was not the woman of her memories.
Like Dev, Leslie had changed. Every now and then Dev caught a glimpse of the
girl she had known, when a little bit of humor broke through her steely control or
when compassion softened her unyielding reserve. When they’d been young,
Dev had been attracted to Leslie’s softness and her gentle innocence. Now she
found her strength every bit as appealing, if quite a bit more irritating.
“You get the tests tomorrow,” Dev said.
• 100 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
“Dev—” Leslie started to protest, exasperated, then considered how much help
Dev had been. And how much her concern touched her.
“Okay, look. If I can, I will.”
“Good enough.” Dev opened the refrigerator and slid the tray of sliced meat
onto the bottom shelf. “I was thinking of scrambled eggs and the rest of this ham
for breakfast. What do you think?”
Leslie laughed. “I think you’re crazy.”
Dev grinned. “See? Some things don’t change.”
v
As Leslie undressed for bed, too tired even to shower, she remembered the
conversation in the kitchen.
Some things don’t change.
She marveled at just how much everything had changed. How much Dev,
especially, had changed. Dev was so much less angry now, and sure of herself in
ways she’d never been as a teenager. Physically, she moved with conÞ dence,
and she clearly owned her sexuality. It didn’t take seeing her with Natalie to
know that. The image of Dev standing in the kitchen just hours ago with that
foolish apron slung around her muscular hips or sprawled in a chair on the porch
with a cup of coffee in her hand gave Leslie a hungry feeling in the pit of her
stomach. Dev was sexy without even trying.
But then, she’d always been sexy, although Leslie hadn’t consciously
acknowledged that. Looking back, she appreciated how intriguing Dev had
been as a teenager, with her dark moods and rebellious dress and refusal to
conform. She realized just how attracted she’d been to Dev and what she’d
done when awareness had crashed in upon her in one hot, wild instant. She ß
ushed with embarrassment.
Dev was far more forgiving of her actions back then than she was. There were
times like tonight when the burden of guilt felt as if it might crush her. As she lay
down, exhausted but too keyed up to close her eyes, she wondered who Dev
saw when she looked at her.
• 101 •
• 102 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
CHAPTER TWELVE
At Þ ve thirty the next morning, Leslie made her way up the path to the lodge
just as the sun broke over the horizon.
She stopped before climbing the steps and turned to watch the morning dance
across the glassy surface of the lake. Orange and magenta streaked the sky and
reß ected off the blue water so brightly she shielded her eyes with one hand.
She’d seen it thousands of times growing up and hadn’t thought of the silent
beauty for years, but it hadn’t lost its power to enchant her.
“It never gets old, does it?” Dev said quietly from the shadows of the porch.
She walked forward to lean against the railing.
“I’m not sure why not,” Leslie said almost to herself. “Maybe because I’ve
never seen a painting or a photograph as beautiful.”
“No, it’s not something we can capture or re-create. I guess that makes it
special.” Dev watched as the emerging sun highlighted the angles and planes of
Leslie’s face that had not been there in the softness of youth. Her hair glinted
with gold; her eyes mirrored the crystal blue waters. She was beautiful now, as
she had been then, unique and familiar as the dawn.
Leslie hesitated on the top step, struck by the pensive note in Dev’s voice. The
expression on her face was hard to decipher. She looked a little sad, but her
eyes were warm as they caressed—that was how it felt, caressed—her. Leslie
shivered, unable to look away and not wanting Dev to, either. She hadn’t
expected to see Dev so early and wondered if Dev had gone back to her cabin
at all the night before.
Then she noticed that Dev had changed from her jeans and T-shirt into khaki
pants, a dark shirt, and work boots. She looked solid and steady and Leslie felt
oddly comforted.
• 103 •
RADCLY fFE
“You always did make me feel safe.”
When Dev jerked, Leslie realized she’d spoken aloud.
“Did I?” Dev asked quietly. “I always had the impression that everyone thought
I was kind of scary. Or maybe just a little crazy.”
“I never did. You know that.” Leslie wanted to tell her how she always felt
braver when she was with Dev. As if Dev’s differentness allowed Leslie to be
just a little bit different too. To be someone other than the girl all her friends and
even her parents expected her to be.
But she didn’t say anything, because she couldn’t go back there now. It made
her sad. It made her wish for things she couldn’t have and didn’t have time for.
And there were things she had to do. “I forgot some of the things I need to bring
to my mother. I wasn’t at my sharpest last night.”
“There’s coffee,” Dev said, walking inside with Leslie. “That might help.”
“Did you get any sleep at all?”
“Some. Enough. You?” The lights had been out in Leslie’s cabin when Dev had
passed it on the way to her own the night before. For one crazy instant she’d
considered walking up the path and tapping on Leslie’s door. What she would
have said if Leslie had answered, she wasn’t sure. Now, in the light of day, she
was glad she hadn’t. The pull of the past was powerful, but it was obvious that
Leslie had no desire to revisit it. And neither should she.
“I slept on and off,” Leslie said. She looked around the dining room and saw
that Dev had already set out plates and utensils and that the big coffee urn was
full. She grasped Dev’s arm. “This is terriÞ c. I can’t thank you enough. I
should’ve thought to come up and do this myself…”
She wasn’t thinking clearly at all and wondered why not. It was true that her
unexpected illness and this impromptu visit had totally disrupted her normal
routine—she hadn’t been to the gym, hadn’t had a decent meal, hadn’t had a full
night’s sleep in days, no, a week now.
Still, when she’d been involved in a particularly difÞ cult trial there had been
long stretches when she hadn’t slept or eaten or exercised, and she’d never lost
her focus. Never forgot things. Never found her mind wandering into the past or
musing about things she couldn’t change or control.
• 104 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
“I just got here, Les. Besides, you need to get to the hospital.
We’ve already discussed this, remember?”
“Why are you doing this, Dev?”
The question surprised Dev. Leslie so rarely revealed the slightest bit of
vulnerability. Her armor was very effectively established by her elegantly
understated blouse and slacks, her designer shoes, her expensive haircut and her
subtle but perfect makeup. But Dev wasn’t looking at any of those things. She
was looking at the shadows beneath Leslie’s blue eyes and remembering the
way her hands had trembled the night before.
“The easy answer would be because I used to be in love with you.”
Leslie’s laughter was part shock and part embarrassed pleasure.
“I’m afraid to hear the hard answer, then.”
Dev shrugged and slid her hands into her back pockets, unconsciously canting
her hips forward the way she used to when she was feeling insecure and wanted
to act tough. “I know all that’s in the past, but I can’t help feeling that we’re still
friends. And that’s what friends do, isn’t it.”
Leslie rested her palm against Dev’s chest and leaned close to kiss her on the
cheek. “I guess it is. Thank you.”
Dev stood completely still as Leslie turned and disappeared up the wide curving
staircase to the second ß oor, where her parents had their bedroom. If
everything between them was in the past, why did being near Leslie still make
her feel better and worse than anything she’d ever experienced, all at the same
time?
Since she didn’t know the answer, and doubted she ever would, she settled for
doing something that did make sense. She went to the kitchen to make breakfast
for ten.
v
“You don’t have to stay here all morning,” Eileen said to Leslie when Leslie
returned to the surgical waiting area for the fourth time after stepping outside to
make a phone call.
“Sorry,” Leslie muttered as she sat down beside her mother in the surprisingly
comfortable chair. The waiting room was carpeted, with
• 105 •
RADCLY fFE
small seating areas arranged so that families could have some privacy.
She and her mother sat alone in the far corner next to several windows that
looked out over a small landscaped seating area with trees and stone benches.
The smokers congregated there. “Just a couple of things I need to take care of
at the ofÞ ce.”
“I guess you can never really go on vacation.”
“If I didn’t take care of things,” Leslie said, crossing her legs and resting her
head against the back of the chair, “they’d just be there waiting for me. The
problems don’t go away just because I’m not there.”
“No.” Eileen sighed. “The ostrich approach is tempting, but I’ve never known it
to work.”
Leslie laughed. “True on both counts.”
“I mean it, though. I can call you when the doctors come out. It’s likely to be at
least another hour.”
“I’d rather stay.” Leslie looked at her watch. Her tests were scheduled for three
that afternoon, across the street at the outpatient medical building. Unfortunately,
she would probably be able to get there in plenty of time. She felt ridiculous
wasting several hours when she felt perfectly healthy. Other than the
embarrassing episode she’d had in front of Dev the day she’d arrived, she’d
only had one other very brief period of the irregular ß uttering sensation in her
chest—just after she got out of bed that morning. It couldn’t have lasted more
than twenty seconds. In fact, it was over so quickly she wasn’t certain it’d been
anything at all. “Are you planning to stay here tonight too?”
“It depends on how your father’s doing. I thought I might, especially with the
truck acting up.”
“That problem is going to be solved very quickly. If I have time this afternoon
I’m going to put it out of its misery. Do you think Daddy wants another Jeep?”
“I think we should probably wait to ask him. I’m not certain we’ve budgeted for
a new truck this year.”
“Don’t worry about that,” Leslie said.
“Leslie,” Eileen said, “it’s a generous offer. I appreciate it. I really do, and so
will your father. But it’s not your responsibility.”
Responsibility. Was that what it was called when you did something for
someone you loved? What was it called when you didn’t? Leslie knew the
answer. It was called cowardice.
• 106 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
The sun coming through her bedroom window was so bright, it hurt Leslie’s
eyes. It hurt her head. It made her queasy. She rolled onto her side and closed
her eyes tightly, wishing the morning away. Maybe she could go back to sleep
and the next time she woke up, it would be Sunday and she would be ready to
leave for college. She could leave and pretend that last night had never
happened. She wanted to cry, but her eyes were swollen and her throat raw
from too many tears already.
Tears and, she remembered now, being so sick somewhere around two in the
morning that she’d wanted to die.
Sometime after Dev had left the party, she’d had too much to drink. Way too
much. The beer and wine—she remembered sharing a bottle or maybe two with
Shelley—had made her sick, but it hadn’t made her forget the sound of Mike’s
foot thudding into Dev’s body, or Dev’s soft moans, or her own screams.
Shelley kept asking her what was wrong, and Leslie hadn’t been able to answer.
What could she say? Mike hurt Dev and it’s all my fault? Dev kissed me
and I let her. I didn’t mean to let her. I didn’t mean to kiss her back. It was
a mistake. Wasn’t it?
Leslie tried to go back to sleep but she could hear the guests getting up and the
sounds of activity outside her open window. The boathouse was probably a
mess, and she really ought to clean up down there before her parents saw it.
Groaning, she dragged herself from bed and wobbled on shaky legs into her
bathroom. She was afraid she might vomit again, but she was sure there was
nothing left to throw up.
She was never going to drink that much again. She was never going to let
anything like last night happen again. She was never going to let anyone kiss her
like that again.
She’d never let anyone close enough to get hurt by her mistakes.
She kept the shower on cold and stood shivering with her arms wrapped around
herself, hoping to drive out the sickness and the feel of Dev’s body and the heat
of her mouth and the terrible sound of someone’s heart breaking. When she Þ
nally felt like she could face her parents without them being suspicious of the
way she looked, she dried her hair and dressed and went downstairs.
“Hi, honey,” Eileen Harris said. “I’ve still got plenty of breakfast left. There’s OJ
in the refrigerator. You want pancakes?”
Wanting to clamp her hand over her mouth at the sudden surge of nausea, Leslie
turned quickly away and pretended to be looking out the
• 107 •
RADCLY fFE
window. “No thanks, not yet. I think I’ll just have a Pepsi and go down to the
boathouse. I want to make sure all the trash got bagged.”
“Pepsi in the morning? You should eat something.”
“I will. Later.” Leslie started toward the back door, wanting to get away before
her mother looked at her more closely.
“I’m so glad you had the party here,” Eileen said, carrying a stack of dishes to
the counter. She opened the dishwasher and began loading it. “And I’m glad
that your friends are all responsible. Thank God they’re all too sensible to ride
motorcycles.”
“What?” Leslie said, only half listening.
“Some local teenager had a terrible accident on a motorcycle last night.”
Leslie stopped, her hand on the doorknob. Her heart pounded furiously and the
queasy feeling in her stomach coalesced into a hard knot of dread. “Accident?”
“Mmm. Someone crashed their motorcycle on Lakeshore Road last night. Up
north from here a bit.” Eileen lifted two cast-iron skillets from the stove and
propped them up in the sink. “Your father heard something about it on the
news.”
Leslie managed to walk out the door and across the porch before she vomited
over the railing into the bushes. When she was done, she collapsed into one of
the chairs. She knew it was Dev. She just knew it.
Dev had been drinking, but not a lot. Dev was a good rider, but she was hurt.
And she must’ve been angry too. Angry with her, and with Mike.
Mike. Mike had left right after Dev. He’d been gone almost an hour. He wasn’t
angry when he came back. He would hardly talk to her, not that she wanted to
talk to him. And he was drinking a lot, even more than usual, off in a corner with
some of his friends.
She knew it last night, and she knew it now. Something bad had happened. She
should say something. She should tell her mother. She should tell someone that
it was all her fault.
“I’m sorry I haven’t been home for a while,” Leslie said.
After a moment’s silence, Eileen said, “I wish things were different now. What
with your father—”
“No, it’s okay. I’m glad I’m here.” Leslie took her mother’s hand.
“Now, about that truck.”
• 108 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
Eileen laughed weakly. “Your father will always be a Jeep man. If it’s anything
other than black or green, he won’t drive it.”
Leslie smiled. “God forbid we get him a yellow Hummer.”
“If you do end up getting one, we’ll pay you back. I’m just not sure when.”
“Mom, come on. I can afford it. It’s not a big deal.”
“All right,” Eileen said carefully. “Then if I can’t get you to agree to take money,
why don’t you tell me why you’re really here?”
“That’s blackmail.”
“Not when it’s your mother doing it.”
Leslie wanted to pace. She wanted to abort the conversation. She didn’t have
an answer, not one she was ready to share, especially not when her mother
already had her father to worry about. Not one she could even verbalize
completely to herself. She forced herself to sit still.
“I haven’t taken any real time off in years, and I was due for a vacation. When I
thought about getting away, the only place I thought about going was here.”
Leslie knew it was true. Maybe not all of the truth, but some of it. She met her
mother’s eyes, surprised by the uncritical welcome in them.
“It’s funny,” Eileen said quietly. “I had the feeling when you left for college that
you couldn’t wait to get away, and I’ve never understood why.”
“I guess it must have seemed that way. I’m sorry.”
That was as much of an answer as Leslie could give, because anything else
would demand far too much confession. She couldn’t explain about Dev and
Mike. She couldn’t say she’d needed to be somewhere else, be someone else.
That she’d needed to leave behind the person she couldn’t look at in the mirror,
to reinvent herself.
She’d done a good job of it. She was successful. She was respected by her
colleagues. She had a lover who was beautiful and smart. And yet here she was.
Leslie wondered why.
What came to mind was the way the lake gleamed in the dawn light, and the
crisp pine-scented air that blew through the windows of her cabin at night, and
the way Dev had gazed at her that morning—
as if she’d really seen her. She remembered asking Dev why she was being so
kind.
• 109 •
RADCLY fFE
Because I used to be in love with you.
Leslie shook her head. Past tense. Past dreams. Past mistakes. All behind her
now. And that was where she was determined it all would stay.
“I’m going down the street to the Starbucks for coffee. Want one?”
“Tea, I think. Thanks.”
“Be right back.” As soon as Leslie exited the hospital, she pressed Rachel’s cell
number on the speed dial. To her surprise, Rachel answered. “Hi, Rach, it’s
me.”
“Hello, darling. I’ve just got a minute, but I saw it was you and I was going to
call you anyhow. Can you get down to the city this weekend? There’s a
fundraiser Saturday night we should go to.”
“I can’t. My father’s had an accident—a broken leg. He’s in surgery right now.”
“Damn. I really need to put in an appearance at this thing.” There was silence for
a few seconds. “Maybe I can come up for a few hours on Sunday.”
“Thanks, but you don’t need to. I just can’t get away right now.”
“I’m so sorry, darling. Are you sure?”
“Yes. Really. There’s nothing to be done, but I can’t leave my mother with
everything at the lodge right now.”
Rachel’s tone was cautious. “I suppose that means you’ll be staying a bit
longer?”
“At least another week or so.” Leslie hesitated. “Maybe you can come up over
the Fourth of July recess.”
“I suppose that’s a possibility. Look, we’ll talk more later.”
“All right. Call me.”
“I will. Love you, darling. Bye.”
“Goodbye,” Leslie said, and slipped her BlackBerry into her purse. As she
stepped into line at the coffee counter, she tried to bring Rachel’s face into
focus. When she couldn’t, she told herself that was completely normal and
meant nothing. Then, for just a second, she had a crystal-clear image of Dev,
and the intensity in Dev’s eyes was so sharp she gasped.
“Help you, ma’am?”
Leslie jerked and stared at the young man behind the counter, thankful for the
diversion. “Yes. Large coffee. And a tea.”
• 110 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
“Sure. Anything else?”
A little dose of reality would be good, Leslie thought. She smiled faintly. “No.
Thanks. I’m Þ ne.”
She seemed to be saying that a lot lately, but she was starting to wonder. She
glanced at her watch. Unfortunately, she’d still have time for the tests she’d
scheduled. At least if she had them, she’d be one step closer to getting back to
Manhattan and getting her life back. That was reason enough to keep the
appointment.
• 111 •
• 112 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Dr. Weber?”
Dev glanced up from the microscope toward the young redhead who stood in
the doorway of her lab. “Hi, Susan. What’s up?”
“There’s a visitor downstairs for you. A Ms. Evans. Do you want me to bring
her up?”
“No, that’s okay. I’ll go down. Thanks.”
Dev stored the specimens she’d been examining in the refrigerator, tossed her
lab coat over a swivel chair behind her desk, and walked down the wide,
brightly lit hallway to the stairwell. Her summer ofÞ ce at the Marine Life
Institute was on the fourth ß oor, and it only took her a moment to reach the
atrium lobby. Floor-to-ceiling windows offered a picturesque view of the lake.
Natalie, looking fresh and relaxed in civilian clothes, stood gazing out. Her pale
yellow blouse and coffee-colored shorts complemented her subtle tan. She
turned and smiled at Dev’s approach.
“Am I interrupting?” Natalie asked.
“Nothing that won’t keep. Day off?”
Natalie nodded. “With the Fourth coming up in a little over a week, the holiday
visitors will arrive in force starting tomorrow. I can’t count on time off again for
a while. Besides, I wanted to see you before you head out to the islands.”
“I have to postpone that for a couple of days,” Dev said. “How about we grab
lunch and I’ll explain.”
“How about we pick up sandwiches and take my boat out for a few hours. I
keep it moored at the station. One of the perks of the job.”
Dev checked her watch. “I have to be back in by six.”
• 113 •
RADCLY fFE
Natalie threaded her arm through Dev’s. “Don’t worry. I’ll get you home by
curfew.”
Laughing, Dev let Natalie lead her from the building into the bright sunshine. On
the way to the ranger station, she explained about Paul Harris.
“So you’re Þ lling in at the lodge?” Natalie asked, eyeing Dev curiously. She
pulled into the station lot and parked close to the boat docks.
“A bit.”
“Nice of you.” Natalie climbed out and pointed to a cooler on the backseat of
her car. “Can you grab that?”
“Sure.”
Dev wondered at Natalie’s sudden silence while they checked gear and cast off,
but once they were underway, Natalie seemed herself again—chatting casually
about events at the station and pointing out her favorite spots on the lake.
Twenty minutes later, they dropped anchor in a small cove on the far side of a
smaller island in the Glen Island Group. Other than boats passing by within sight
—but not shouting distance—they were alone.
“This is some boat,” Dev said. Natalie’s twenty-three-foot Þ berglass SeaCraft
had a cuddy cabin, an enclosed area in the front of the boat with sleeping and
lavatory facilities, and a spacious rear deck for Þ shing or recreational activities.
“Do you sleep out on her much?”
“Now and then.” Natalie grinned. “It comes in handy for impromptu getaways.”
“I’ll bet.” Dev spread her arms out along the back of the built-in bench and tilted
her face up to the sky. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d actually
relaxed.
“You’re going to roast in jeans and a T-shirt out here. I can probably Þ nd a suit
for you in the locker,” Natalie said as she pulled two St. Pauli Girls from the
cooler. “Beer?”
Dev turned her head and smiled lazily. “Sure. Do you have any objection to
underwear?”
Natalie froze with her arm extended, the beer in her hand. “I guess it depends.
Are we talking on or off? And just what kind of underwear?”
“The utilitarian kind, I’m afraid.” Dev stood, unzipped her jeans, and pushed
them down. She wore navy stretch boxers underneath that
• 114 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
reached to mid-thigh. She unlaced her boots, shucked her pants, and stripped
off her T-shirt to reveal a black sports bra.
“I guess you meant on,” Natalie said, swallowing hard. Dev’s body looked
exactly as she’d anticipated from the glimpse she’d had in Dev’s cabin a few
days before. Her shoulders and chest were nicely muscled, her breasts neither
small nor large, her abdomen smooth and strong looking. The scars on her leg
were more prominent in the sunlight. She handed Dev her beer and sat down
next to her, their thighs separated by a few inches of air that seemed to undulate
with heat. “Good thing you’re keeping your assets covered.”
Dev raised a brow.
“Too much water trafÞ c to risk going au naturel.”
“It’s great out here,” Dev said as she took the beer. “Thanks.”
“Believe me, it’s my pleasure.”
Dev grinned. When she noticed Natalie glance at her leg for the second time,
she said, “Motorcycle accident. Youthful misadventure.”
Natalie regarded her seriously. “It must have been a hell of an accident. I’m
sorry if it’s a sensitive topic.”
“That’s okay.” Dev rested the beer bottle on her hip and regarded the scars
pensively. Sunlight Þ ltered through the green glass and created slashes of color
across her thigh. Until the last week, she’d rarely thought about those times.
Now she seemed to be practically immersed in the memories. “I learned several
very important lessons and fortunately lived to appreciate them.”
“How old were you?”
“Seventeen.”
Natalie caught her breath. “God, that’s tough when you’re that age.”
“I was lucky. I shattered my femur and had a pretty serious concussion, but I
didn’t break my neck or my back. I didn’t lose my leg.” Dev shrugged and
pulled on her beer. “Christ, it could’ve been a mess. I got off easy.”
Somehow, Natalie didn’t think so, but she wasn’t sure how deeply to probe.
She stroked Dev’s forearm, feeling as if her comfort was woefully inadequate.
“You make it sound like you were being punished.”
“Do I? I guess so. I guess I was—being punished in a way. I was drinking.”
• 115 •
RADCLY fFE
“Ah, God. That’s hard.”
“I was a hothead and a bit of a fuck-off,” Dev said, smiling ruefully.
“Fortunately, I wasn’t so thickheaded not to appreciate the fact that I didn’t
wake up in a wheelchair. Or worse.”
“Sometimes I wonder how any of us survived adolescence.”
“You too?” Dev asked.
Natalie shrugged. “I went through a period where I tried really hard to Þ t in,
even though I knew I didn’t. I slept my way through my senior year in high
school and part of my Þ rst year in college with any guy that came along. Then I
got pregnant. And I had an abortion. Then I decided it was time to stop lying to
myself about how I felt about girls.”
“Did that solve your problems?”
“Most of them.” Natalie laughed. “Of course, then I had to deal with getting my
heart broken by the Þ rst few girls I fell for.”
Dev turned her palm up and Natalie slipped hers into it. “I wonder if it would
have been any easier if someone had told us it was okay to be gay? It’s always
hard to be different.”
“Well,” Natalie said, sliding closer to Dev until she was nestled against her side,
“I think if you’d been around in high school I might have risked it.”
“Don’t be so sure. I was so far outside the popular circle, just being seen with
me invited talk.”
Natalie rested her cheek against Dev’s arm and drew her legs up onto the seat.
“No friends?”
“Just Leslie,” Dev said quietly, wondering now what it had cost Leslie to
befriend her.
“Leslie Harris?” Natalie said, stiffening slightly.
Dev looked down into Natalie’s eyes. “Yes.”
“Were you an item?”
“Christ, no,” Dev said, laughing with a tinge of bitterness. “Leslie was so
different than me. Probably a lot like you—pretty, popular, the girl every other
girl wanted to be best friends with, and the one every boy wanted to date.”
“But not you.” Natalie spoke gently, understanding.
“Not me what?”
“You didn’t want to be best friends with her.”
“No,” Dev said roughly. “That’s not what I wanted.”
• 116 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
“Is it hard, seeing her now?”
“Not really.” Dev sighed. “Not when I remind myself that we’re adults now.
Different people.”
“I wonder how much any of us really changes,” Natalie mused.
“I’m not the crazy, mixed-up kid I was ten years ago, but I don’t know how
different I really am either.”
“If you’d asked me a few weeks ago, I would’ve said I’d changed a lot.” Dev
drained her beer. “Now, I’m not so sure.”
Natalie shifted until she straddled Dev’s lap, her hands on Dev’s shoulders and
their foreheads nearly touching. “Oh yeah? You don’t look like such a bad girl
now,” she whispered. “But I bet you could be, under the right circumstances.
Wanna Þ nd out?”
Dev rested her hands lightly on Natalie’s waist. Natalie looked good. She
smelled good. She felt even better. Dev’s body tightened and throbbed. Her
breathing ratcheted up. “If we’d just met, I’d be all over you right now.”
Natalie’s eyes widened. “I wouldn’t stop you. I’m not stopping you. God, Dev,
I’m so crazy hot for you.”
“Ditto,” Dev gasped, willing her hips to stay nailed to the seat.
What she wanted to do was pull Natalie down and grind against her.
She wanted to press her face between Natalie’s breasts and lick the sweat from
every inch of her skin. She wanted to fuck her. And that was the problem.
Gently, she guided Natalie off her lap and back to the bench. “Somehow things
sort of slipped past the point where I can have a casual fuck with you, Nat. I’m
sorry.”
“You bastard,” Natalie said, half angry, half laughing. “How am I supposed to
complain when you say something like that?” She groaned and ran her hands
through her hair. “What if I told you I just wanted a nice friendly affair?”
“I’d say I had to think about it.” Dev got up and pulled two more beers from the
cooler. She popped the caps and handed one to Natalie.
“When you weren’t sitting in my lap and I wasn’t turned on so bad I couldn’t
put two sentences together.”
“You really are a pain in the ass, Dev,” Natalie chided, sipping her beer.
“So I’ve been told.”
Natalie patted the bench. “Sit down. I’m not mad, just horny.”
“Sorry.” Dev sat.
• 117 •
RADCLY fFE
With a sigh, Natalie turned on the seat so her back was against Dev’s shoulder
and her legs stretched out in front of her. “Do me a favor, okay?”
“Uh-huh.”
“I’m a big girl, and I know what I’m doing. So just think about it.”
“Okay,” Dev said softly. “I can do that.”
v
Dev pulled into the Lakeview parking lot right behind a big, shiny black Jeep
Cherokee. When she saw Leslie get out, she walked over to her.
“Nice ride.”
Leslie grinned. “Wait’ll my father sees it.”
“How is he?”
“So far, things look really promising. They Þ nished just after eleven this morning
and the orthopedic surgeon thought the nerves were just traumatized—not
permanently damaged.”
“That’s terriÞ c.”
“Yes. We’ll know more in a few days.” Leslie locked the truck and started
toward the lodge with Dev. “I called you once he was in recovery, but I got
voicemail. Did you get the message?”
“Sorry, I was out on the lake when you called and didn’t get in until just a few
minutes ago.”
Leslie cocked her head. “You look like you got some sun.
Working?”
Dev shook her head. “No. Natalie came by the lab and we took her boat out
for a couple of hours.”
“Oh,” Leslie said. “That’s nice.” She stopped on the porch. “I can handle things
here tonight, Dev. You’ve done enough already. Thank you.” She turned her
back and opened the door.
Dev caught the edge of the door with her hand and followed her inside. “I
checked in four more guests this morning before I went to the lab. There’s a
pretty full house tonight.”
“My mother has always been able to handle it. I should be able to.”
Leslie pushed through the swinging door into the kitchen and turned,
exasperated, when Dev followed. “Let me see if I can be clearer. Go away.”
• 118 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
“I won’t help. I’ll just watch.” Dev folded her arms and leaned against the wall.
Leslie stared at her, resisting the urge to grind her teeth. Then she stalked to the
refrigerator and pulled down the menu marked for that day. She groaned. She
hated making salad. “Fine.” She wrenched open the refrigerator door and
reached inside. “Here.”
Dev caught the Þ rst head of lettuce effortlessly. The second was a bit more of a
challenge with one hand already full. The third and fourth left bits of green
hanging from the collar of her shirt as she scooped them against her chest. “No,”
she shouted as Leslie drew back to pitch the Þ fth.
Laughing, Leslie stopped in mid-throw. “Oh my God. I can’t believe I’m
throwing lettuce in my mother’s kitchen like I’m Þ fteen.
What is it about this place?”
“Something in the air,” Dev said, understanding perfectly.
“It must be.” Leslie set the lettuce gently on the table, then went to Dev to
relieve her of the others. “I’m sorry. Let me take those.”
“I’ve got them. You go ahead and deal with the rest of dinner. I’ll take care of
these.”
“You’re sure?”
“Yeah.” As Dev checked the cabinets for a colander, she said, “So tell me
about the truck. When the hell did you have time to do that?”
“It’s amazing how quickly things go when you walk onto the lot knowing what
you want. Once you eliminate the barter, the process is surprisingly simple.”
Leslie shrugged. “When you don’t entertain alternatives, it’s easy to close a
deal.”
Dev recognized the tone of someone who was used to going up against
opponents quite a bit more daunting than car salesmen and winning. “I think I
feel sorry for them.”
“Who?”
“The attorneys who square off against you.”
Leslie laughed. “Most of the time they grossly overestimate the strength of their
cases because they fall for their own rhetoric and believe their own frequently ß
awed statistics. It’s not that difÞ cult to challenge the majority of the regulations
once you move beyond the emotion to facts.”
“Doesn’t it bother you that we’re destroying the planet?”
Leslie slid the Þ rst of three tins of lasagna into the oven. “I think you just made
my point.”
• 119 •
RADCLY fFE
Dev twisted a head of lettuce so hard it shredded in half in her hands. “I’m not
being emotional. I’m a scientist. I can cite the facts.
Better yet, I can take you down to the lake and show you the effects of thermal
alteration and industrial contamination on the Þ sh and ß oral growth.”
“I’m sure you’re an excellent scientist, Dev,” Leslie said calmly. “But there’s a
big leap between documenting changes in Þ sh populations and imposing
sweeping governmental restrictions on the corporate sector. Businesses are run
by people, you know. People who suffer because of these regulations.”
A muscle in Dev’s jaw twitched. She knew it wasn’t the time or place for this
kind of argument. Beyond that, she knew it wouldn’t do any good. She doubted
that Leslie would be doing any job she didn’t believe in, as hard as it was to
fathom that she’d chosen this side of the environmental debate. She tossed the
lettuce into the strainer and reached for another head. “Fish are people too.”
“Now there’s an argument that just might win in court,” Leslie said softly.
When Dev shot her a glance, Leslie smiled and some of the tension drained from
the room. “Let’s try for an easier subject,” Dev said. “Did you get your tests
today?”
Leslie shook her head. “I can see that you’re every bit as hardheaded as you
used to be.”
“You’re stalling.”
“Yes, most of them. The big ones.” Leslie turned her back and pulled two long
loaves of Italian bread from a basket next to the stove.
“Which ones?”
“An echocardiogram and a stress test.”
Dev felt a tightness in her chest just thinking that Leslie needed to have these
kinds of examinations. As casually as she could, she said,
“And?”
“There’s nothing structurally wrong with my heart.”
Dev slammed the lettuce down on the table, crossed to Leslie, and grabbed her
by the shoulders. She pulled her around until they were facing one another.
“Was that supposed to satisfy me?”
“I don’t have to satisfy you. There’s no reason I need to be telling you any of
this,” Leslie snapped, her eyes ß ashing. “And you can take your hands off me
now.”
• 120 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
“You’re right.” Dev lifted her hands and stepped back a pace.
“Sorry.”
“Dev—”
But Dev didn’t hear the rest of Leslie’s sentence. She was already out the back
door and halfway down the steps. She hadn’t meant to touch her. Not then. Not
now. Leslie did things to her. Stirred places inside of her that she didn’t even
know were there until they bubbled up and exploded out of her. God, she’d
thought that part of her, that crazy well of temper and helpless wanting, was
gone. Wiped out on the highway with her blood, lost during the many months of
pain while she’d struggled to Þ nd her way back to some kind of life.
It hurt to know she’d been lying to herself all this time.
• 121 •
• 122 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Sitting on one of the stone benches along the shore, Dev watched the sunset,
trying to decide which was more beautiful, the beginning of the day or the
ending. Sunrise always seemed to bring the promise of possibility, and with it, an
undercurrent of joy. Nevertheless, she found this time of day to be her favorite,
even though it always made her a little bit sad for something she couldn’t name.
Tonight, mist rose from the lake, and as the sun dropped behind the mountains,
its last blue and purple rays were strewn across the water like angels cast out of
heaven.
“It’s almost too beautiful to look at, isn’t it?” Leslie said quietly.
Dev continued to stare at the lake. She hadn’t heard Leslie approach.
“Sometimes I wonder why I live anywhere else. I think your parents might have
the most beautiful spot on earth right here.”
“Do you mind if I sit down?”
“No, go ahead.”
After a few moments passed in silence and the colors leached from the sky,
leaving behind a pewter gray that would soon become black, Dev glanced at
Leslie. She’d changed into a V-neck sweater and jeans.
Her hair was loose, and in the hazy light, she could have passed for twenty. Dev
was stunned at an unexpected twist of longing and desire.
“I’m sorry about what happened in the kitchen. I—”
“No,” Leslie said quickly. “I’m sorry. That’s what I came to tell you.”
“How did you know where I was?”
“I didn’t. But your cabin was dark and your truck is still in the lot.”
After the guests were taken care of, she’d gone looking for Dev. At Þ rst
• 123 •
RADCLY fFE
when she’d seen that Dev wasn’t in her cabin, she’d thought Dev had probably
gone somewhere with Natalie. It was pretty clear they were dating, and why
that should bother her, she didn’t know. But it seemed to put her in a foul mood.
All the way home from the hospital, she’d been looking forward to seeing Dev
and then when Dev had mentioned taking the afternoon off to spend with
Natalie out on the lake, she’d felt foolish. The conversation about work and
Dev’s obvious disdain had frayed the last bit of her nerves, and she’d lost her
temper. She never lost her temper. She never behaved like this at all. Constantly
examining her every feeling. She didn’t ruminate, she acted.
“You’ve been a great help in the last few days,” Leslie said, determined to get
back on sane footing. “And I want you to know I appreciate it.”
“I didn’t mean to get so personal tonight,” Dev replied. “I shouldn’t have
badgered you about the tests.”
“It’s okay. It was…nice of you…to be concerned.” Leslie meant it, and
couldn’t help but wonder why Rachel hadn’t asked. To be fair, though, she had
downplayed the entire thing with everyone.
Dev couldn’t help herself. “Did everything else turn out okay?
Besides the echocardiogram?”
Leslie sighed. “Not exactly. At the very end of the stress test I had a little bit of
that irregular heartbeat thing happen. Nothing terrible, and I didn’t really have
any symptoms. I was a little short of breath, but I was running uphill at Þ ve
miles an hour.”
“So what did they say?”
“Oh, the usual. I should follow up with my physician. I should take my
medication. I should avoid stimulants and stress—” Leslie snorted. “That should
be simple enough.”
“So you’re going to do all that, right?”
It was almost dark, but Leslie could see Dev’s eyes shining in the moonlight.
Intense and penetrating. She’d know her eyes anywhere.
She’d know her voice anywhere too. Husky and low.
“I suppose,” Leslie said. She’d already decided to take the prescription
medication she’d been provided, at least on a trial basis.
Hopefully that would balance the coffee, because she had no intention of giving
that up . As to the stress, she couldn’t very well change her life.
“That’s good.” Dev’s hand was only an inch away from Leslie’s leg, but she
resisted the urge to touch her. “Any news on your dad?”
• 124 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
“I talked to my mother right before I came down here. He’s hungry and wants
to come home.” Leslie laughed. “Very positive signs.”
“Great news.”
“Yes. I’m sure he’ll be a lot happier recuperating here than in the hospital.”
“I can guarantee that.”
Leslie caught her breath. Would they ever be able to talk without the past
between them? Compelled by emotions that had lain buried since that night, she
spoke almost without volition. “I’m sorry I didn’t come to see you in the
hospital.”
“I wouldn’t have known,” Dev said quietly.
“That doesn’t matter. I should have come.” Leslie drew her legs up onto the
bench and wrapped her arms around them. She rested her cheek on her knee,
watching Dev’s face, which was clearer now that the moon had risen. “I don’t
have any excuses, Dev.”
Dev traced her Þ ngertips lightly over the back of Leslie’s hand, then pulled
back. “You don’t need any. You were young. We both were.
It was all pretty confusing.”
“You were my friend and I let Mike hurt you.” Leslie ruthlessly quelled the tears
that threatened to Þ ll her eyes. “I hurt you. I don’t expect you to forgive me,
but I want you to know I regret it—have regretted it ever since that night.”
“Leslie,” Dev said softly. “You couldn’t have stopped Mike. And I…I shouldn’t
have kissed you. It just happened.”
“I wasn’t expecting it. I didn’t have any idea…I swear.” Leslie gripped Dev’s
arm. “I didn’t know what I was feeling back then. I didn’t know what was
happening between us.”
Dev couldn’t bear to hear the anguish in Leslie’s voice. She cupped Leslie’s
cheek and traced her thumb along the edge of her jaw.
“I know. It’s okay. It wasn’t your fault. It was mine.”
“No! It wasn’t your fault. There was no fault.” Leslie caught Dev’s hand,
pressed her lips to Dev’s palm. “How could there be, when we loved each
other?”
Leslie’s touch, Leslie’s words—the nearness of her. It was more than Dev
could take. She pushed her hand into Leslie’s hair and kissed her. It was so like
that Þ rst kiss, and so much more. She hadn’t known then what lay beyond the
soft warmth of Leslie’s mouth, just as she hadn’t fully recognized what her own
body craved. She knew now with aching clarity. When Leslie’s lips parted to
allow her entrance, Dev
• 125 •
RADCLY fFE
kissed her more deeply. She wrapped an arm around Leslie’s waist and pulled
her tightly to her. Leslie’s tongue met hers, not hesitantly, but every bit as
questing. Every bit as demanding.
Leslie Þ sted Dev’s shirt in both hands, pulling Dev closer still.
Dev reeled under an onslaught of sensation. Leslie’s mouth was so hot, her
body so Þ rm and pliant as it cleaved to every curve of her own.
When Leslie drew one thigh high over Dev’s so their legs entwined, Dev
groaned as heat rushed through her. She broke the kiss and crushed her mouth
to Leslie’s throat.
“God, Les,” Dev moaned.
Leslie arched her neck and clasped the back of Dev’s head, pressing her ß esh
against Dev’s teeth, wanting to be devoured. She snaked her hand beneath
Dev’s waistband and yanked her shirt free, wild for the feel of Dev’s skin.
When Dev’s hand skimmed beneath her sweater and closed over her breast,
she cried out and raked her nails up Dev’s abdomen.
Dev levered herself over Leslie’s body and braced her hands on the back of the
stone bench on either side of Leslie’s shoulders. While her mouth roamed
ravenously over Leslie’s throat and jaw and mouth, she ground her hips
between Leslie’s legs. When she felt Leslie’s Þ ngers dig into her ass and
Leslie’s hips surge to meet her, the roaring in her head drowned out all thought.
She was back in that other night, helpless with longing, drowning in emotions she
couldn’t even name. Leslie was her answer. Leslie was everything.
“Leslie,” Dev groaned, dropping to her knees on the pine-needle-covered
ground. She pushed up Leslie’s sweater and kissed her stomach while she
fumbled at the button on Leslie’s jeans. She needed her. More than breath.
More than the beat of her own heart. She needed her.
Dazed, Leslie thrust the Þ ngers of both hands into Dev’s hair, her back bowed
off the bench, her head thrown back, her eyes nearly sightless as the inky sky
and silver moon raced overhead. Leslie clutched Dev, afraid she might
disintegrate and ß y into pieces like so many bits of stardust.
Dev groaned. “Les, I love—”
Mike’s voice roared out of the darkness. Jesus, what the fuck—
“Oh my God,” Leslie gasped. “No!”
Dev jerked as if she’d been shot. She raised her head, her vision as wavy as if
she’d been clubbed. It took her a second to realize where
• 126 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
she was, what she was doing. Leslie’s clothes were askew, her jeans unzipped,
and she had her hand inside them. The expression on Leslie’s face was
something very close to fear.
“Oh, Jesus,” Dev whispered.
Leslie shuddered, tears streaking her cheeks, staring at the shadows wavering
around them, half expecting Mike to drag Dev away from her again. Then the
dream trembled and broke and she knew where she was. What she’d done.
“Dev,” she murmured. “I can’t.”
“No, I know.” Breathless, Dev forced herself upright. Her stomach was a hard
ball of arousal, her legs shaking as if she’d run a marathon.
She curled her hands into Þ sts at her sides. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what
happened.” She took a step back, then another, then the darkness closed
around her.
“Dev,” Leslie called, but there was only the night.
v
Dev drove along Lakeshore Road for miles. This time, she was sober and
careful, but her mind and body still echoed with memories of Leslie. Like the Þ
rst time, but inÞ nitely more intense. She smelled her, tasted her on her lips, felt
her body along every inch of skin. Her stomach cramped with wanting. Her
hands trembled on the wheel.
“Oh Christ,” she groaned aloud. “Why can’t I get free of her?”
She didn’t expect an answer, because she knew there wasn’t one.
Because it wasn’t Leslie, not the woman she’d practically accosted an hour ago,
who haunted her. It was the girl she’d lost and never gotten over missing. It was
the dreams that had died and that she couldn’t let go of. It was something inside
of her that kept the memories alive, even though she’d thought she’d put them to
rest. She drove until fatigue replaced desire, at least for the moment.
By the time she pulled into the parking lot at Lakeview it was the middle of the
night. The lodge was dark. She took a small ß ashlight from her glove box and
used it to light her way through the woods to her cabin. She did not look toward
Leslie’s as she passed, although it took effort not to. When she turned onto the
path to her own place, she felt a change in the air. She slowed.
“Les?”
“Can we talk?” Leslie said from the darkness.
• 127 •
RADCLY fFE
She sounded as weary as Dev felt.
“Okay,” Dev said as she climbed the steps to the porch. She sat next to her and
switched off her light. “Have you been here the whole time?”
“Yes.”
“You must be cold. I’ll get you a jacket.”
Leslie caught Dev’s arm to stop her, then quickly let go. “No.
That’s okay, I have one. What about you?”
“I’ll get one if I need it.” Her voice was raspy, as if she hadn’t used it in a long
time. She dangled her arms over her knees, careful not to touch Leslie. She
drew a breath to speak, but Leslie did Þ rst.
“There are some things I need to tell you,” Leslie said.
“No, you don’t. What happened—”
“Just wait. Just this once, don’t be so sure you know what I’m going to say.”
Dev stiffened, but nodded. “Okay.”
“What happened by the lake that night was…innocent. You kissed me and I
kissed you.” She laughed ß atly, thinking she’d heard that line somewhere
before, but it meant so much more now. “That happens millions of times
between teenagers everywhere, except it wasn’t supposed to happen between
us because we were both girls. Jesus.”
“It wasn’t all that innocent,” Dev said quietly. “I knew—in my heart, I knew
what I felt. What it meant.”
“It was still innocent,” Leslie said sharply. “How could it have been otherwise?
We were in love.”
The words tore through Dev’s heart and she gripped her knees harder.
“What Mike did was horrible.” Leslie paused, her breath shuddering from her.
“And what I did was worse. What I said—” She turned, trying to read Dev’s
face in the shadows. “I don’t know why I said what I said. It wasn’t true. I was
scared, I guess. Whatever, it doesn’t matter now. I just want you to know it
wasn’t true.”
“Thank you,” Dev whispered.
“There’s something else you need to know,” Leslie said, Þ nding the present
truths even more difÞ cult than the past.
Dev shook her head. “It’s time to let all that go, Les. For both of us.”
“I know. But it’s not about then. It’s about now.”
• 128 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
The hollow note in Leslie’s voice struck a deeper sense of dread in Dev’s heart
than Leslie’s shocked cry earlier. Suddenly, she felt cold.
She waited.
“I’m not sure exactly what happened down by the lake tonight,”
Leslie said hesitantly. “I think part of me was back there, the night we kissed
and then Mike…hurt you. I remember how good you felt to me that night. How
right.” Her voice dropped to a hush. “How much I wanted you to touch me.”
Dev’s nails dug into her palms, and she bit her lip so hard holding back a groan
that she drew blood.
“When you kissed me tonight, it was like before. All the old feelings came back
and it was like I knew you. I wanted you.”
“Except it wasn’t really us anymore.” Dev’s chest ached with the sadness that
welled within her.
“No.” Leslie started to reach out, but thought better of it. Nothing she could do
would change the truth. “Devon, you’re seeing Natalie and I’m involved with
someone too. We’re neither of us free.”
Free. The word mocked Dev, because she wondered if she would ever be free,
or if she would merely move on while leaving parts of herself behind. Trying to
explain that Natalie was a friend seemed pointless, because Leslie was with
someone else.
“I might not know you now,” Dev said, rising, “but you strike me as a onewoman
woman.”
“Well, one at a time anyways,” Leslie said, trying to lighten the moment. She
stood, noticing for the Þ rst time that Dev was shivering.
“You should go inside. I just want you to know that it wasn’t anything you did
that upset me. Ever.”
Dev put her hands in her pockets, because she knew Leslie was about to walk
away. And God help her, she didn’t want her to go. Even though every word
Leslie spoke hurt her in a way she hadn’t thought possible, she didn’t want her
to go. And that was exactly why one of them had to. And soon.
“Thanks, Leslie,” Dev said quietly.
“For what?”
“For being the one to say no.”
Leslie trembled as a ß ood of longing washed through her. Strangers or not,
what she’d felt earlier in Dev’s arms had made her feel alive in every cell. She
was afraid to even think what that might mean.
• 129 •
RADCLY fFE
“I’m glad you understand,” was all Leslie could think to say.
“Good night.”
“Good night,” Dev whispered. She waited until she heard the soft slide of
Leslie’s cabin door opening and the quiet snick of it closing.
Then she sat back down on the steps and rested her face in her hands and wept
for the love they’d once shared.
• 130 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Leslie got up early the next morning after another night Þ lled with fractured
dreams and an impending sense of danger, although when she opened her eyes,
the elusive feelings ß ed like bits of sand in the wind. She showered quickly,
threw on jeans and a white boat-neck tee, and hurried to the lodge. Even though
she knew it was foolish, she was inordinately relieved to see Dev’s truck in the
lot next to her parents’ new Jeep. She had half expected Dev to be gone. The
thought of Dev just disappearing left her feeling frighteningly hollow.
She pushed the disquieting sensation aside, reminded herself that the truck was
still there and so was Dev, and went inside to take care of the work that needed
to be done. She was in the midst of removing a second tray of biscuits from the
oven when a sound behind her startled her into nearly dropping the entire thing.
“Ahh!” Leslie yelped. She managed to get the tray onto the counter before
spinning around to discover Dev in the doorway. “Can you please stop sneaking
up on me like that?”
“Sorry,” Dev said without the slightest hint of contrition. Leslie looked great, and
even in casual clothes, she deÞ nitely did not look like a woman who should be
slaving in the kitchen at six in the morning.
“Need some help?”
“Of course I need help.” Leslie waved an arm at the general chaos of the
kitchen, where baking pans, mixing bowls, and the ingredients for breakfast lay
scattered over the counters. “I need a chef and a busboy and a gardener and a
mechanic and someone to tell me how in God’s name my parents run this place
by themselves.”
• 131 •
RADCLY fFE
Dev frowned. “Are things really getting away from you?”
Leslie blew a loose strand of hair away from the corner of her mouth. “Not
really. I can probably manage another day, and my mother’s coming home later
this afternoon. But even then, she’s going to need help down at the dock and
taking care of all the other things my father does.”
“What about Þ nding new hires?”
“I’ve got several people coming by this evening for interviews.
At this point, anyone who hasn’t just escaped from Sing Sing will be perfect.”
Dev opened the refrigerator and started passing cardboard cartons of eggs to
Leslie. “Scrambled are easiest.” She checked the menu on the door. “Sausage.
Piece of cake.” She rummaged in the refrigerator’s meat drawer and found the
jumbo package of links, which she carried to the grill in the center of a cook
island.
“What are you doing?” Leslie asked.
“Making my part of breakfast.” Dev pointed a fork in the direction of the eggs.
“You should start too, or else we won’t be done at the same time.”
Leslie opened a container of eggs, then closed it and carefully set it down on the
counter. She watched the light blue denim shirt tighten across Dev’s shoulders
as Dev worked. Her hair curled over the collar, thick chestnut strands that were
wavier than Leslie remembered. Dev wore her shirt tucked into an almost-tight
pair of black jeans. It was an outÞ t Leslie had seen Dev wear many times when
they were younger, but Dev no longer looked like the rangy teenager she had
been. She looked like the strong, capable woman she was. They’d once been
so close. They could be friends now, couldn’t they?
After backing away from Dev last night and throwing up even more boundaries
between them, Leslie knew that she would need to be the one to reach across
the chasm. And since she’d been the one to walk away all those years before,
that seemed more than fair.
“I thought you might have left,” Leslie said softly.
Dev kept her back to Leslie and methodically arranged the sausages in two
precisely even, side-by-side rows on the grill. She’d come close to piling her
gear into the truck and driving away an hour earlier because she didn’t think she
could face Leslie and pretend she didn’t feel anything. Not when she could still
taste her. She might still
• 132 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
have to go, but she wasn’t ready yet. Leaving would be so Þ nal. “I thought
about it.”
“I’m glad you stayed,” Leslie said, reaching for the eggs.
“Why?” Dev said quietly, her back still turned. She wasn’t playing games. She
really didn’t understand what difference it would make to Leslie.
“You’re handy in the kitchen.” Leslie held her breath, and as the silence
lengthened, she started to feel queasy.
Dev turned, a small smile curling the corners of her mouth. “You should see
what I can do with a set of tools.”
Leslie tried not to laugh, but the relief was so great she couldn’t help herself. If
she hadn’t known better, she’d have thought that Dev was ß irting. As it was,
just this little bit of foolish conversation made her feel better than she had in
days. “Well, you might be good with a wrench, but your sausage is burning.”
“Shit!” Dev spun back to the grill and frantically began turning the small links.
Leslie took another second to enjoy watching Dev move, graceful even as she
struggled to keep errant links from sliding off the grill onto the counter and ß
oor, and then started cracking eggs into a bowl.
Dev dumped the sausages that were done onto a platter. When she’d Þ nally
gone to bed the night before, not expecting to sleep, she’d been ambushed by
emotional and physical exhaustion. She’d fallen into a heavy dreamless sleep
from which she’d awakened feeling fuzzyheaded and clumsy. When she thought
about what had happened with Leslie by the lake, she’d been nearly as stunned
as she had the Þ rst time they’d kissed. Except that back then, she’d known for
a long time—although she hadn’t been willing to admit it—that she’d wanted to
kiss Leslie. Last night came out of nowhere.
“I appreciate you putting the brakes on last night,” Dev said without turning
around.
“Do you?” Leslie asked quietly. Although she was actually happy that Dev
wasn’t angry about her abrupt retreat, she wasn’t entirely certain she was
pleased that Dev didn’t mind just a little.
“Seeing you has brought up a lot of old stuff for me,” Dev said.
“I’ve been a little off my game the last week or so.”
“I’m sorry.”
Dev shook her head and turned to meet Leslie’s gaze. “It’s okay.
• 133 •
RADCLY fFE
It’s probably all been a good thing.” She grinned a little grimly. “I’m sure I’ll
think that, when I look back on it ten or twenty years from now.”
Leslie smiled wryly.
“If I’d been thinking clearly, Les,” Dev said, “I wouldn’t have put you in a
position of needing to say no.”
“Oh, Dev.” Leslie closed her eyes and shook her head. Then she opened them
up on a long sigh. “At least at this point in our lives, let’s agree that no more
apologies are needed between us.”
“Okay,” Dev said softly. “Your eggs are done.”
v
Natalie followed the scent of breakfast through the dining room, where one early
riser sat sipping coffee and reading the newspaper.
She stopped just inside the kitchen door to take in the sight of Dev and Leslie Þ
lling stainless steel warming pans with mountains of eggs, sausage, and biscuits.
Both women looked pale and tired, but also oddly at ease as they moved
around one another with ladles and skillets. Natalie couldn’t put her Þ nger on
exactly what it was, but Dev and Leslie seemed in sync—connected. Now that
was a thought she didn’t want to dwell on.
“Boy, is my timing perfect,” Natalie said, shrugging off the discomforting
sensation.
Dev greeted her with a smile. “Hey! I thought you were tied up today.”
“Good morning,” Leslie said evenly.
“Hi, Leslie.” Natalie turned to Dev. “I am. Meetings all damn day.
I’ll be brain dead by two. But I brought your gear and the permits over in case
you decided to go out to the islands today on schedule.”
“Thanks. I…” Dev glanced at Leslie, who seemed to be busy sliding the trays
onto a cart. As much as she wanted to be available to help Leslie and her
mother, she needed some distance from Leslie.
She still felt shaky from the night before, and Leslie didn’t look like she’d had a
very good night either. Even thought they’d made a peace of sorts, Leslie had
enough to deal with without the constant stress of having Dev around.
“I probably will head over if you can Þ nd someone to ferry me.”
• 134 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
“I think Jimmy can do it. I’ll call him,” Natalie said, referring to one of the park
rangers. “I know he’s out on patrol and then he has to check on the campers
who came in overnight, but—”
“I can take you over, Dev,” Leslie said. “As long as you can wait until ten. I told
my mother I’d pick her up around nine.”
“You don’t need to do that, Les,” Dev said.
“No, really,” Natalie interjected. “I’m sure I can—”
“You’re a guest here, Dev,” Leslie said, ignoring Natalie as she bumped the
swinging door open with the front end of the cart. “Part of our service is taking
campers to the islands. I’ll call you as soon as I’m back from the hospital.”
The door closed behind her with a resounding thump.
“Well,” Natalie said, grinning at Dev. “I guess that’s settled, then.”
Dev frowned at the door, then muttered, “She’s got enough to do without
playing ferry master.”
“How’s her dad?” Natalie inquired. Leslie wasn’t her type—a bit too polished
and a bit too lethally beautiful, but she admired her spine. Under slightly different
circumstances she could see them being friends.
“He’s apparently doing really well. He might be home in a few days.”
“That’s great.” Natalie liked both Eileen and Paul Harris, and she was pleased
by the news. She was also happy because a quicker recovery for Leslie’s father
would mean Leslie’s visit might be shorter.
Natalie was sure there was more to the history between Leslie and Dev than
Dev had told her, because Dev always looked a little unhappy when she was
around Leslie. A little unhappy and a little hurt, both of which bothered Natalie a
great deal. “Make sure you take one of the two-ways so you can contact the
Harrises if you need to. They can get a message to me if there’s anything you
need or if there’s a problem.”
“It’s pretty civilized out there,” Dev said with a smile. “I don’t expect I’ll need to
send an SOS.”
“Maybe so,” Natalie said seriously, “but you’ll be a mile out in the middle of a
whole hell of a lot of water on a little bitty piece of land. If there’s trouble, you
can’t swim back and there’s no phone.”
Dev nodded. “I know. I’ll make sure I’ve got everything.” She tilted her head
and grinned at Natalie. “SatisÞ ed?”
• 135 •
RADCLY fFE
Natalie slid a step closer and stroked Dev’s upper arm. “Not yet.
But I’m ever hopeful.”
The door swung inward, and Leslie hurried through. She glanced at Dev and
Natalie, honed in on the position of Natalie’s hand and the way Natalie leaned
into Dev, and quickly looked away. “I need more plates.”
Natalie didn’t move or take her gaze off Dev’s face, but Dev eased back and
lifted a stack of dishes.
“Got them right here.”
Leslie turned on her heel and marched out. Dev followed in her wake as Natalie
laughed softly.
v
Dev drove to the lab and made sure Arno had plenty of work to keep him busy
for the next week. Then she took care of some correspondence, backed up her
laptop to an external server, and Þ nally loaded two plastic waterproof crates
with the equipment she’d need for her work on the island. After carrying
everything down to her truck, she made a stop for supplies, then drove back to
the lodge. She pulled in just behind Leslie and her mother.
“Good morning,” Dev said to Eileen as she climbed out of the truck. “Here, let
me take your suitcase.”
Eileen smiled, her face drawn and tired. “With pleasure. Thank you.”
“How’s your husband?”
“Doing very well.” Eileen grasped Dev’s arm. “Leslie tells me you’ve been
helping out around here every day. I can’t thank you enough.”
Uncomfortable, Dev glanced at Leslie but got only a small shrug and a smile, as
if to say, “Sorry, you’re on your own.”
“I really didn’t do that much, Mrs. Harris.”
“Well, you’re not going to be paying any rent on that cabin this summer,” Eileen
said Þ rmly.
Dev stopped abruptly. “Mrs. Harris, the Institute pays for my lodging, and I
most certainly want you to charge. What I did, I did because… ” Because
Leslie has always been more than just a friend.
Dev sensed Leslie watching her intently. “Because you and Leslie needed some
help, and it was no imposition at all. Please.”
• 136 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
“I’m not going to make you feel uncomfortable about it.” Eileen squeezed Dev’s
arm and started across the lot toward the lodge. “Now, Leslie tells me you’re
going out to the islands today.”
“Yes.”
“We usually make just the two runs, delivery and pickup, but I’m sure we can
arrange more frequent—”
“No,” Dev said quickly, “that’s Þ ne. I won’t need anything special.”
They climbed onto the porch and Leslie reached for the suitcase Dev had
carried. She said, “I’ll be running the skiff for at least the next week or so. I
don’t have a problem swinging by your site to check on things.”
Dev shook her head. “It’s a good hour just to get out there, Les, and I know
how much you have to do too.”
Leslie answered lightly, “Multitasking is nothing new. Let me Þ ll my mother in
on what’s going on here, and I’ll meet you at the boat in a few minutes. Do you
need help transferring your gear from the truck?”
“No, I’ve got it.”
Thirty minutes later, Leslie piloted the twenty-foot Chris-Craft cruiser north
toward the Glen Island chain. She handled the boat with conÞ dent efÞ ciency.
Despite the air temperature being in the mid-70s, the combination of wind and
spray was cold. Dev’s shirt was plastered to her chest, as was Leslie’s, by the
time they slowed on their approach to one of the undeveloped islands.
“Which side?” Leslie called, looking over her shoulder to where Dev sat. She
stared for a second longer than was necessary, registering the unmistakable
outline of Dev’s breasts and remembering just how they had felt against hers the
night before. Firm and tight-nippled and wonderful. She looked away.
“Northeast tip,” Dev replied. As Leslie drew closer to shore, Dev pointed to a
small sandy crescent rimming the thick woods at the water’s edge. “What do
you think about over there?”
“I think you’re going to get the hell scratched out of you breaking trail through
that underbrush.”
Dev grinned. “I think you’re right.”
“I also think that’s the only place to put up.” Leslie looked back at Dev again.
“This terrain is pretty rugged. Can’t you do this work from a campsite on one of
the other islands?”
• 137 •
RADCLY fFE
“Too much water trafÞ c.” The engine noise had quieted enough for Dev to be
heard without shouting. “Even with only a couple of boats coming in with
campers every day, the turbulence from the prop wash stirs up the bottom. Can
you drift in from here?”
Leslie cut the engine ten feet from shore. “I’m going to get out and pull her in.”
“Forget it. You’ll get soaked.” Dev clambered up on the bow and before Leslie
could protest, jumped into the knee-deep water to grab the towline. In a minute,
she’d waded to shore and secured the boat with a line around a nearby tree.
“Does the wake really make that much difference to what you’re studying?”
Leslie asked, intrigued. She’d grown up on the lake, but she’d never really
thought about it in such microcosmic terms.
“Yes. Here, start passing me the gear,” Dev said. As Leslie handed down crates
and Dev’s tent, sleeping bag, and other supplies, Dev explained. “We’ve looked
at water velocity at lake bottoms with Dopplers and measured the water
turbidity with optical backscatter sensors—even motorboats running as slow as
six miles an hour stir up the sediment and change the water clarity and nutrient
composition.”
“And?”
“Aquatic plant growth is altered, which affects the Þ sh feeding patterns.” Dev
glanced out at the lake, then back at Leslie. “And the backwash makes it easier
for contaminants in the water to be transported to other regions of the lake.”
Leslie climbed down from the boat and hefted Dev’s duffel. “What are you
doing for food?”
“K rations. Dehydrated meals. I’ve got water-purifying tablets so I can use
boiled lake water. I’ve done this before, Les. I’ll be Þ ne.” Dev took the duffel
from her. “There’s no point you getting torn up too. I’ve got long sleeves. I’ll be
Þ ne from here.”
Leslie scanned the island. It was isolated from the others, densely forested and
rocky, and not designated for normal camping. Dev would be here alone. The
thought made her uneasy. “Do you have extra batteries for the two-way?”
“In my dry pack.”
“I’ll wear the radio. If you don’t check in with me twice a day, I’ll be out.”
Dev frowned. “Besides the fact you’ll contaminate my test waters, there’s
nothing for you to worry—”
• 138 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
“I’m really not interested in negotiating this, Devon. Either check in, or I’ll be out
here stirring up your sediment.” Leslie gestured toward the woods. “Your other
option is that I stay.”
“To protect me?” Dev couldn’t help herself. She grinned.
“You think I couldn’t?”
Dev knew Leslie was capable of doing any number of things to her, and
protection wasn’t at the top of the list. Still, Leslie’s concern made her feel
good. Too good.
“I’ll call in. Thanks.”
Dev stared at Leslie across the pile of gear, aware of the sudden awkwardness.
Leslie, in an uncharacteristic show of uncertainty, shufß ed one foot in the sand
as she scanned the woods behind Dev.
“You sure about this?” Leslie asked softly.
No. I’m not sure about anything where you’re concerned. Dev nodded,
grateful for the barrier between them. Sunlight slanted across Leslie’s face, and
she was so beautiful. Because looking at her was sweetly painful, Dev knew it
was time for them to part.
“Yeah. I’ll be Þ ne. You should take off.”
Reluctantly, Leslie climbed back into the boat. Dev waded into the water and
pushed her out from shore, then returned to the tiny beach.
“I’ll pick you up in Þ ve days, right?” Leslie called.
“Right.”
“Be careful.”
Dev waved and Leslie started the motor, carefully backing away from the
shallows before revving up the power. Dev followed the boat until it was just a
tiny speck in the distance. She hoped that when Leslie returned, the ache of
longing she felt every time she looked at her would Þ nally be gone.
• 139 •
• 140 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
How are things going?” Leslie asked, four days after she’d dropped Dev off on
the island. She leaned against the porch railing and breathed deeply of the cool
morning air, picturing Dev in the woods in her jeans, boots, and T-shirt. The
radio transmission was remarkably good, and it sounded as if Dev were right
next to her. She looked forward to their twice-a-day communications, not only
because she worried with Dev working alone, but also because she enjoyed
their brief shared updates.
“On schedule. I’m working my way around the southern tip of the island today,
and should Þ nish up tomorrow. How about you?”
“My father’s coming home today. We have a new cook. Life is good.” Leslie
heard Dev laugh and realized life was good. Once her mother had returned, the
two of them had been able to handle things at the lodge with enough time left
over for Leslie to look over the cases from the local ofÞ ce. She worked, she
walked on the beach, and she’d started to sleep more than three hours a night.
“Sounds good,” Dev said. “So I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”
“Will do. Take care.”
“Always.”
Leslie clicked off the radio, smiling as she envisioned Dev at work on the island.
She never would have predicted Dev as a scientist, and a Þ sh expert at that,
but now it seemed so natural. So Dev, really. Dev had always been an
observer, apart from things, so very private. It had always been special when
Dev had shared her thoughts and feelings, because Leslie knew it was rare for
her. Being Dev’s friend had made her feel special.
• 141 •
RADCLY fFE
“Was that Dev?” Eileen asked.
Leslie jumped. She hadn’t heard her mother come out onto the porch.
“Yes,” Leslie replied, aware that her mother was studying her intently. “She’s Þ
ne.”
“Good. I’m glad you’re checking in with her,” Eileen said casually.
She crossed the porch, carrying a cup of coffee. “How come I never met her
when the two of you were teenagers? You’re obviously very good friends.”
Leslie contemplated some neutral explanation and then thought perhaps it was
time to bridge another rift in her life. “We weren’t friends like I was friends with
the other girls. We didn’t do social things together. We just…talked.”
“But you were close, weren’t you? I can tell from the way you talk to her. And
the way she looks at you.”
“What do you mean—the way she looks at me?” Despite herself, Leslie felt
herself blushing.
Eileen sipped her coffee and smiled softly. “I think even if you hadn’t told me
you were a lesbian, I would have noticed that she follows you with her eyes the
way I’m used to seeing men watch women.”
Leslie snorted, thinking of Mike and the few men after him she’d dated. “I doubt
it. Dev is nothing like a man.”
“There are some men who truly do appreciate women,” Eileen said gently.
“Your father is one.”
“I know,” Leslie admitted. “You’re right. Still, Daddy is special.”
She braced her hands on the railing and leaned out, letting the sunlight strike her
face, enjoying the warmth and the smell of summer. “Dev always treated me as
if I were precious,” she said softly, almost to herself, because it was the Þ rst
time she’d ever given a name to what Dev had made her feel. She looked at her
mother. “I guess I wanted to keep that all to myself. Maybe that’s why I never
brought her home.”
“Maybe it was because you didn’t think I’d understand,” Eileen said sadly. “I’m
sorry if I made you feel that way.”
Leslie shook her head. “No. It wasn’t about you. I didn’t understand myself
what I felt.”
“And you didn’t…understand…until you were in college?”
“Not exactly,” Leslie said with a sigh. She curled an arm around the porch post
and sat on top of the railing, her legs dangling free.
She leaned her head against the column and thought about how long
• 142 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
she’d denied her feelings. “I never considered that what was happening between
Dev and me was anything except a wonderful friendship. I was clueless.” She
shook her head. “God. Worse than clueless. And then one night she kissed
me…no, we kissed…and I didn’t handle it very well.”
Eileen said nothing, but she brieß y stroked Leslie’s arm.
“Some bad things happened. Dev had an accident.” Leslie closed her eyes.
“Part of that was my fault.” When her mother murmured with concern, Leslie
waved her away. “It’s a long story, and Dev and I have already talked it out.
But it took me years to admit that what she and I had was what I really
wanted.”
“And you have someone now?”
Leslie hesitated. “Yes.”
“Did you Þ nd it again?” Eileen asked softly. “What you had with Dev?”
“No.” Leslie met her mother’s eyes, her expression ß at.
“Perhaps you will yet.”
“There’s no going back. Besides, everyone knows that Þ rst love is too sweet
to ever last.”
“Not everyone agrees,” her mother pointed out gently.
Leslie shrugged. She wasn’t in the mood to argue, not when they’d had their Þ
rst real conversation in over a decade. “I can drive you to the hospital to pick up
Daddy, if you want.” She scanned the sky, where a few ß uffy clouds ß oated
by. Far to the north a darker cloud bank was just visible beyond the mountains.
“We might get some of that rain after all.”
“Didn’t you say you wanted to spend some time at your ofÞ ce today?”
“Dev left me her keys so I could use her truck. I can go in this afternoon.”
“Go ahead. I can handle things at the hospital.”
“It will be good to have him home.” Leslie slid off the banister and walked with
her mother toward the front door.
“It certainly will.”
“Are we still going to have the Fourth of July party Saturday night?”
“Of course. The guests always enjoy it, and so do the locals. I am going to have
some of the food catered this year, though, so all we have to do is make sure
the boathouse is in good shape.”
• 143 •
RADCLY fFE
“I’ll take care of overseeing that.”
Eileen squeezed Leslie’s hand. “I’m glad you came home. I’m sorry there’s
been so much for you to do here, but it still feels wonderful.”
“Every now and then, I actually forget I have another life.” Leslie laughed. “A
completely different life.”
“You seem very much yourself to me,” Eileen remarked, opening the door.
I never thought I’d say this, but I feel like myself here. Leslie looked over
her shoulder down the grassy slope to the boathouse and the lake beyond. A
few boats were out on the lake already. A few of the guests were walking along
the shore, some holding hands. The sun was impossibly bright, the sky incredibly
blue, the silvery surface of the lake hopelessly beautiful. In the back of her mind,
she heard Dev’s laughter. “Well, it is home, after all.”
v
Leslie sipped her coffee and opened another Þ le. It was amazing how quickly
she’d slipped into work mode as soon as she’d reached the ofÞ ce. This was
comfortable too—reviewing, analyzing, teasing out the critical facts from a
miasma of information. She felt as if she were hunting, pitting her skills against a
wily prey. To the strongest, or perhaps the smartest, went the victory, and she
liked being the victor.
She made some notes, scratched a memo to have her paralegal check several
rulings, and rose to get another cup of coffee.
“Excuse me, Ms. Harris,” the ofÞ ce receptionist said, “but Mr.
Carpenter said we’re going to close early today because of the storm.
He wants to go secure his boat.” The pretty blonde laughed. “He’s totally weird
about that new boat.” Then as if just realizing that Leslie, although a visiting
attorney, was technically her boss, she blushed. “I mean, he’s—”
Leslie frowned. “Storm? What are you talking about?”
The blonde pointed to the window behind Leslie. “There’s some kind of freak
storm blowing in from the north. Like a summer Alberta Clipper, without the
snow. They’re predicting really high winds and—”
“Since when?” Leslie snapped, quickly pushing the Þ les she’d been working on
into her briefcase.
“Oh, you know these weathermen. In the winter, they forecast
• 144 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
snow for a week and then we don’t get anything. Then, when something
important happens, like this, it’s a big surprise. Anyhow, it’s supposed to be a
big one and—”
Leslie didn’t hear the rest as she hurried from the room. She glanced at her
watch on her way out of the building. It was almost four in the afternoon. Her
mother and father would be home by now. She hoped. Outside, she faltered,
staring at the sky with a rising sense of dread. Overhead, the crystal blue of the
morning had given way to an ominous purple, and to the north, the sky was
nearly black with roiling storm clouds. It felt as if the temperature had dropped
twenty degrees since earlier in the day, and the air was oppressively heavy. Her
skin clammy, Leslie shivered and sprinted toward Dev’s truck. Flinging her
briefcase into the backseat, she slid behind the wheel and speed-dialed the
lodge at the same time. She was forty minutes from home if she pushed all the
way.
“Mom? What’s it like up there?”
“The wind is up and the lake looks nasty. It’s going to be a good blow. Where
are you?”
“On my way home.”
“They’re talking about trees down and power out. We aren’t expected to get hit
for another couple of hours yet, so you should be Þ ne. Drive carefully.”
“What about Dev? Have you talked to her?” Leslie asked urgently.
Because she was out of radio range at the ofÞ ce, she’d left the two-way in the
lodge for her mother to monitor.
“I was just about to call her.”
“Tell her I’ll be out to get her as soon as I get home.”
“Leslie, you can’t go out on the lake. The waves are two feet high already and
there’s a small craft warning.”
“She can’t stay out there in this!”
“I’ll call the forest rangers, then. You’re not going after her.”
“Fine. Call Natalie Evans in the Bolton Landing ofÞ ce. Tell her she needs to go
get Devon. Call her right now.”
Leslie switched on the windshield wipers, although the rain, which had just
started, was still light. “Mom?”
“You just worry about driving. I’ll take care of things here.”
“Call me back as soon as you know what’s happening.” Leslie tossed the
BlackBerry onto the seat beside her. Thankfully, the Northway was relatively
clear of trafÞ c as everyone was trying to reach shelter,
• 145 •
RADCLY fFE
and she pushed Dev’s truck to eighty. Then she switched on the radio, watching
the road as she punched buttons in search of a local station.
Finally, she found the all-news station.
“…winds to Þ fty miles an hour, small craft warnings on all regional waterways,
and heavy ß ooding expected on many of the secondary roadways. The
governor has declared—”
Leslie tuned out the rest of the weather report. Summer storms often brought
high winds and torrential rain, but they usually weren’t sustained for more than
an hour or two. But an off-season variant of a clipper could last twenty-four
hours or more and might dump a foot of rain. She thought about Dev in a tent on
an island that was likely to be buffeted by gale-force winds and ß ooded by high
waves. She stared at the phone, and as if she had willed it, it vibrated. She
snatched it up.
“Hello?”
“Dev says she’s Þ ne. Not to worry.”
“Bullshit. Of course she isn’t Þ ne!” Leslie ß icked on the turn signal so
vehemently the lever nearly snapped off. “I’m exiting now and I’ll be home in
twenty minutes. What did Natalie say?”
“I could only reach the ofÞ cer on the desk. They’re all out evacuating campers
from the islands.”
“Tell him you want to speak to Natalie Evans. Tell him it’s an emergency. Tell
him if you don’t speak to her, I’m going to have someone’s ass.” Leslie gunned
the truck onto Route 9 and fought with the wheel as it skidded on the wet
pavement. “Son of a bitch.”
“What?”
“Nothing. Just call them back.” Leslie clutched the phone and switched the
wipers to high as rain battered the windshield. Her chest tightened and out of the
blue, the ß uttering started. She blinked as a wave of dizziness swept through
her and she shook her head angrily to dispel it. “I don’t have time for this.”
To her relief, the brief episode passed and her vision cleared. She concentrated
on what needed to be done. If her mother didn’t reach Natalie, her choices
were few. In fact, there was only one choice.
The parking lot was empty, as were the grounds, as Leslie roared into the lot.
She jumped out and sprinted through the steady rain to the lodge. The wind had
picked up, and she noticed that most of the leaves had turned over, their
bottoms to the sky. It was a sure sign that the barometric pressure was falling
and a big storm was on its way. Eileen met her at the door.
• 146 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
“Did you reach Natalie?” Leslie gasped.
Eileen shook her head. “The ranger in the ofÞ ce promised to get a message to
her. She knows Dev is out there, Leslie. She’ll get her.”
“Natalie’s going to be lucky to get all the campers out of the campsites. And she
has to do that Þ rst. She has to. Besides, she knows that Dev is better equipped
than anyone else to ride out the storm, so she’ll leave her till last.” Leslie hurried
to the small ofÞ ce beyond the dining room and snatched up the two-way.
“Dev? Dev, do you read me?”
“Leslie…hear you.”
Even through the static, the sound of Dev’s voice instantly quieted her racing
heart. “Hey you. I’ll be there in an hour. Everything okay?”
“Don’t …co…ere. D…you read…on’t… Les…”
“An hour, Devon. See you then.” Leslie switched off and turned to Þ nd her
father watching from his wheelchair in the doorway. Hastily, she bent down and
kissed his cheek. “Hi, Daddy. Welcome home. I’m sorry, I have to go right
back out.”
“Your mother told me about your friend.” Paul Harris backed his wheelchair up
to allow Leslie room to pass. “It’ll be rough out there on the water, sweetheart.”
“Good thing you taught me how to handle the boat, then,” Leslie called on the
run.
“Check your gear before you head out,” he shouted after her.
“I will. Don’t worry.” Leslie pulled her mother’s rain slicker off a coat tree just
inside the back door and slammed out. Pulling it on, she hurried down to the
docks. There wasn’t much of a margin before the storm really broke, but she
calculated there would be just enough time to get there and back. She jumped
into the boat and did a quick check in the storage lockers for the critical items—
battery-powered searchlights, the GPS transmitter, an inß atable life raft, and
PFDs. She shrugged into a life vest and zipped it up, then released the tie lines
and pushed the boat away from the dock. As she turned the key in the ignition
and revved the motor, she thought grimly of backwash and the effect of the
propellers on the sediment in the shallows. Right now, that seemed far less
important than reaching Devon. In fact, she couldn’t think of a single thing that
felt more critical.
She hunched her shoulders against the driving wind, narrowed her eyes in the
pelting rain, and thrust the throttle to the max. The boat leapt forward, the big
motor whining as the bow crashed heavily in the
• 147 •
RADCLY fFE
troughs between the waves. Her teeth knocked together painfully, and she
clenched her jaws and spread her legs to steady herself, keeping a death grip on
the wheel. She didn’t think about the impending storm or the rising chop. She
thought about Dev. This time, she had no intention of leaving Dev to face danger
alone.
• 148 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Leslie! Leslie, do you read?” Dev held the two-way close to her ear with one
hand and dragged her tarp over the equipment cases she had piled in a rocky
cul-de-sac near her campsite with the other. She waited a full minute for a
response, then jammed the radio into the front pocket of her anorak. “God
damn it.”
Rain drummed steadily against the leaves overhead, but the canopy was not yet
saturated and only a slow drizzle was getting through to her. The wind had
picked up, though, and it wouldn’t be long before the rain penetrated the last
remaining barrier between her and the angry sky. She piled rocks around the
edges of the tarp and hastily trenched it as well as she could with the small
folding shovel she’d packed with her camping gear. Then she trenched her tent
and pounded extra stakes with additional guidelines into the Þ rmest ground she
could Þ nd. Thunder rolled and a sheet of rain sliced through the trees, hitting
her in the back of the neck, immediately soaking her shirt.
She couldn’t even be bothered to swear, but just pulled her hood over her head.
After checking one more time to see that everything was as secure as she could
make it, she skidded down the narrow path to the shore, following the trail
through the trees she’d created by her daily trek to the lake. By the time Dev
reached the shore, the wind buffeted her body and she needed to lean forward
to maintain her balance. The thin rim of sandy beach was gone, washed away by
the pounding waves. Clinging to the slippery bank with an arm around a tree,
she pulled out the radio.
“Leslie? Leslie, this is Dev. Where the hell are you?”
She hoped someone had had the good sense to keep Leslie off
• 149 •
RADCLY fFE
the lake. The surface of the water was so churned up it looked like the ocean
rather than an inland lake. The sky had darkened to the point where she needed
to use her ß ashlight to check her watch. It’d been a little over an hour since her
last communication with Leslie. Dev squinted into the rain and scanned the lake,
but the visibility was less than Þ fty yards. She jammed her hands into her
pockets, hunched her shoulders against the wind, and ignored the cold as icy
rain soaked through her jeans below her anorak.
Five minutes later, she heard it—the sound of an engine laboring somewhere in
the inky mist. She switched on her ß ashlight and waved it in a wide, slow arc
above her head, squinting so hard into the rain that her eyes ached. The air
howled like a creature in pain, and for a moment, Dev thought she’d imagined
the sound of a motor. Then a ß icker of light caught her eye, went out, and ß
ickered on again. A rhythmic on and off that she recognized as a bow light,
cresting and disappearing into the troughs between the waves as a boat fought
its way to shore. She couldn’t make out the Þ gure in the boat as the craft
wallowed, spun sideways, and threatened to go over. Miraculously, the pilot
maneuvered the bow around until it pointed toward shore again, but the water
was so rough the boat couldn’t land. Holding the ß ashlight above her head with
one hand, Dev waded into the water up to her thighs and stretched out an arm.
“Throw the line!” she shouted against the wind, knowing it was hopeless. She
could feel the words being forced down her throat before they’d even cleared
her lips. Nevertheless, a line snaked through the air and whipped across her
chest. Reß exively, she caught it and wrapped it around her forearm.
Fortunately, her jacket protected her arm, because the rope immediately
tightened like a noose. She could feel it biting into her skin even with the
protection of the nylon. Gritting her teeth against the pain, she leaned backward
toward shore, using her body as an anchor to keep the front of the boat directed
toward land. Each time the rope loosened she stepped backward, keeping the
guideline tight.
She could see Leslie’s face now, screaming something to her.
One step. Two. Three. Dev stumbled, fell backward into the lake, and lost her ß
ashlight. The rope around her arm loosened as she swallowed water and ß ailed
in the shallows just offshore. Coughing and sputtering, struggling in her boots
and wet jeans, she tried unsuccessfully to regain her feet. Then an arm circled
around her waist and steadied her. She broke the surface spewing water and
gasping for air.
• 150 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
“Are you crazy?” Leslie shouted. “You could’ve gone under the boat and gotten
tangled up in the propeller. I could have killed you!”
“Look who’s talking,” Dev shouted back. “What the hell are you doing out
here? You’re lucky you didn’t capsize in the middle of the lake and drown.”
“The storm’s coming in faster than they predicted,” Leslie said, ignoring Dev’s
chastisement. “The lake’s too rough to make the return trip now.”
“Let’s secure the boat and get to high ground!”
Even as they shouted, Dev and Leslie both grabbed the towrope and dragged
the boat as far up onto what remained of the shoreline as they could. Then
Leslie staggered up the muddy bank and began wrapping the line around a
rocky outcropping. Dev joined her, and between them, they secured the boat as
well as they could.
“We’ll be lucky if it doesn’t wash away,” Dev said, her mouth close to Leslie’s
ear.
“We’ll be lucky if we don’t wash away!”
“Come on,” Dev said, taking Leslie’s hand. “Follow me.”
Just as they cleared the underbrush and reached the relative sanctuary of the
forest, a tremendous crash sounded overhead and a giant pine toppled and fell
almost directly on top of them. Dev yanked Leslie with her as she dove off the
trail and against the base of another evergreen. The trunk of the falling pine
ended up canted against the tree that protected them, about four feet above their
heads.
“Are you okay?” Dev yelled.
“Scratched up a bit, but in one piece,” Leslie called back.
“We need to crawl out from under here and head uphill. I’ll go Þ rst. Hold on to
my jeans so you can follow me.”
“Be careful.”
Dev pushed at the branches with one arm and forced a tunnel through them with
her head and shoulders. Now and then she registered discomfort, but her whole
body felt bruised and battered and a little more pain barely mattered. Once she
cleared the maze of branches, she turned on her back and reached down for
Leslie’s arms to pull her free of the debris. Leslie crawled out and collapsed on
top of Dev. The rain was so heavy it felt as if they were at the bottom of a
waterfall and, once again, Dev was breathing water. She coughed.
Leslie sheltered Dev’s upturned face with her body. “You’re bleeding!”
• 151 •
RADCLY fFE
Dev pressed her cheek to Leslie’s chest and managed to draw air into her lungs
instead of rain. “I’m okay. The…campsite’s…a hundred yards from here.
Let’s…go.”
“Are you sure you’re not hurt?”
“I’m good.”
Reluctantly, Leslie slid to the side so Dev could get to her knees.
Then Leslie wrapped her arm around Dev’s waist and helped her up.
When Dev tried to pull away, she tightened her grip. “Don’t be stubborn.
Just get us there.”
Traversing the slope was like walking through a sluice jammed with logs. The
rain was a solid wall of water, and branches skimmed by out of nowhere,
bouncing off their bodies and scraping their faces and hands. After what felt like
an interminable struggle, Dev stumbled to a halt next to a nylon tent. With hands
numb from cold and swollen from batting away projectiles, she fumbled with the
zipper and Þ nally got it open. Together, she and Leslie pushed through the ß
ap, Dev zippered it behind them, and they both collapsed onto Dev’s sleeping
bag.
For Þ ve minutes the only sound in the small tent was the rasp of their arduous
breathing. Then Dev sat up, fumbled in the dark, and Þ nally turned on a
battery-powered lantern. The tent roof and sides billowed in and out as if it
were a living, breathing organism.
“Some storm,” Dev muttered, setting the light on the metal lid of a cooking pot
in one corner of the tent.
“Uh-huh,” Leslie said.
Dev pulled off her anorak and spread it out in one corner. “You shouldn’t have
come.”
With a grunt of effort, Leslie rolled onto her side to face Dev.
Although generously called a four-person tent, the tent was designed for two
people to sleep with just enough space on either side for a little bit of gear. Dev
had obviously brought all of her critical equipment inside, because there was
barely room for the two of them on the sleeping bag.
And that was taking into account the fact that the steel toe of one of Dev’s spare
boots was pressed into Leslie’s backside.
“In case you hadn’t noticed, all hell is breaking loose out there,”
Leslie said.
Dev glared. “My point precisely. That was a crazy stunt. Here, let me have your
jacket.”
Leslie handed Dev her wet rain gear. “If the weathermen had been
• 152 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
even close to accurate, we should’ve had enough time to get back to the
mainland.”
“And when have you ever known that to happen?” Dev leaned down on one
elbow, the length of her body stretched out beside Leslie.
Leslie hesitated. “Point taken.” When Dev smiled, she said more softly, “I really
thought we had another hour or two.”
“I should say thanks for coming,” Dev said quietly, “but I’m still too terriÞ ed to
be gracious.”
“TerriÞ ed?” Leslie arched a brow.
“I was worried about you.” Dev touched a bruise on Leslie’s forehead. “Looks
like you got clobbered with something.”
“A branch, I think.” Leslie traced a Þ ngertip over Dev’s cheek.
“You’re bleeding.”
Dev snorted and rubbed the blood away on her sleeve. “We’re a mess.” She
shivered violently. “And it’s getting cold. We need to get out of these clothes.”
“I don’t have spares.”
“You can wear some of mine.”
Leslie sat up and wrapped her arms around her torso. “Do you have a Þ rst aid
kit? We ought to clean that scrape on your face.”
“The scratch won’t kill me. Let’s get dry Þ rst.”
“Good idea.” Leslie glanced around the interior of the tent while Dev pulled a
duffel into her lap and unzipped it. There was absolutely no possibility of
privacy. Well, that shouldn’t matter. They were both adults and this was an
emergency. Still, Leslie’s throat was irrationally dry. She’d never seen Dev
naked. They hadn’t been in the same phys.
ed. class in high school, and Dev hadn’t played any organized sports.
There’d never been any reason to undress in the locker room in front of one
another.
“Here’s a sweatshirt and jeans. They’ll Þ t you.” Dev handed over the clothes,
piled similar items at her feet for herself, and began unlacing her boots. Without
looking at Leslie, she continued, “I’ve got socks for you but no dry boots.”
“Thanks.” Leslie decided that speed was the best option and hurriedly pulled
her top and bra off together in one quick motion. She was soaked to the skin.
“God, this is miserable.”
“Here’s a towel for your hair. It’s the only one, so we’ll have to sha—” The
words died in Dev’s throat as she half turned to hand Leslie
• 153 •
RADCLY fFE
the towel. Leslie’s arms were extended over her head with the dry sweatshirt
partway down. Her breasts were full and pale, her nipples puckered from the
cold. Even in the lamplight, Dev could see the bluish tint to her skin. “Jesus, Les.
You’re freezing.”
“I’m just—” Leslie went still, staring at Dev between the triangle of her raised
arms as Dev leaned toward her.
Rising to her knees, Dev rapidly wrapped the towel she still held in her hands
around Leslie’s chest and began to rub her vigorously.
“Christ, you’re shaking.”
It wasn’t from the cold. Even through the towel, Leslie could feel Dev’s hands
on her. Her brain told her that Dev was just drying her off, but her body
translated the movements into something quite different. She felt Dev’s palms
cup her breasts and Dev’s thumbs ß ick her nipples. Against her will she arched
her back, lifting her breasts and hips, seeking more contact. Her thighs and
pelvis nestled into Dev.
Leslie caught back a gasp. “You’re wet too. You need to get out of that shirt
and your jeans.”
“In a minute,” Dev muttered, leaning closer to reach Leslie’s back.
“Almost done.”
Leslie couldn’t tolerate the contact any longer. She either needed more, much
more, or she needed to get away from the heat of Dev’s body and the Þ re that
ignited everywhere that Dev touched her. She yanked the sweatshirt down over
her head, and once her hands were free, pushed the towel and Dev away. “Get
dry, Dev.”
Startled by the irritation in Leslie’s voice, Dev stared at the towel in her hands,
then into Leslie’s eyes. Leslie’s pupils were wide and dark, as if she were very
angry or very aroused. Dev wondered what secrets her own eyes revealed,
because while she’d been preoccupied taking care of Leslie, she hadn’t allowed
herself to consider what she’d been touching. But now, even when there was no
contact at all between them, she could feel the weight of Leslie’s breasts in her
hands. She wanted to touch them again. “Take off your pants and get into the
sleeping bag.”
Leslie waited until Dev had turned her back to remove her shirt before unzipping
her own jeans, struggling out of them and her panties, and climbing into the
sleeping bag. Much as she had when Dev had cooked in the kitchen the
previous week, Leslie watched the muscles in Dev’s back ß ex and ripple as she
dried her hair and chest. But in
• 154 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
the kitchen, Dev had worn a shirt. Now the smooth expanse of muscle and skin
shimmered and called to her. Leslie closed her eyes and didn’t open them again
until she felt Dev shift around on the sleeping bag.
“I can’t get my pants on in here unless you get off the bag and give me a little
room,” Leslie said, feeling ridiculously like a mummy.
Dev, in a dry shirt and jeans, grinned. “I can’t go very far, but I’ll try.” She got
to her knees and straddled the sleeping bag. “That’s about it.”
“Great,” Leslie muttered, twisting around in the bag, rocking against the inside of
Dev’s thighs before Þ nally managing to knee her soundly in the crotch.
“Omph,” Dev grunted. “Glad you don’t have much range of motion in there.
Could be dangerous out here.”
Leslie couldn’t help it, she laughed. “Shut up, Devon, and get in here.”
Dev stared. “What?”
“What was your plan?” Leslie inquired evenly. “That I should sleep in the
sleeping bag, all nice and cozy, while you lie on the outside and freeze?”
“Well, I hadn’t exactly intended the freezing part.”
“Just get in here.” Leslie pulled back the ß ap and turned on her side to give Dev
as much room as possible. “Do you think the roof will hold up in this rain?”
The torrent outside continued and gave no indication of letting up.
“It’s good gear. We ought to stay dry.” Dev turned out the lantern and then
inched her way down into the sleeping bag, trying not to slide her body along
Leslie’s. When she was all the way in, they faced one another awkwardly with
nowhere to comfortably place their knees and elbows. Dev blew out a breath.
“The only way this is going to work is if one of us lies on her back and the other
sleeps half on top. So, top or bottom?”
Leslie couldn’t see Dev’s face in the dark, but she thought she heard amusement
in her tone. Tightly, she said, “Top.”
“Works for me.” Dev curved one arm behind Leslie’s neck and shoulders,
settled onto her back, and pulled Leslie down into the curve of her body.
Leslie’s head nestled on her shoulder, with Leslie’s torso
• 155 •
RADCLY fFE
and one leg partially on top of her body. Dev took a minute to adjust to the
unfamiliar and yet completely natural feel of Leslie lying in her arms. Then she
whispered, “Okay?”
“Perfect,” Leslie said sarcastically. She was fairly certain that Dev didn’t realize
just how much she meant exactly what she said.
• 156 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Are you sleeping?” Leslie whispered.
“No.” Dev shifted carefully and resettled Leslie’s head against her shoulder. She
didn’t feel tired, and even if she were, she doubted she would sleep. Being
cocooned with Leslie had ramped her every sense to high alert. The smell of
Leslie’s hair, the tickle of Leslie’s breath against her neck, the soft weight of
Leslie’s breasts molded to her side—Dev felt as if she were underwater again,
only this time she was immersed in Leslie, and drowning was a welcome
pleasure. Her body was vibrating, and she wondered why Leslie couldn’t feel it.
“Cold?” Leslie unconsciously pressed closer, wrapping an arm around Dev’s
middle.
“No. You?”
“Uh-uh. Toasty.” Leslie lay angled onto Dev’s left side, her cheek against Dev’s
chest, above her heart. Dev’s heartbeat, slow and steady, was a soothing
counterpoint to the ß urry of rain on the tent. Leslie had never been this intimate
with a friend, and rarely with a lover. She and Rachel barely had time to have
sex. They weren’t into lounging in bed.
Dev’s body was solid, heavier than Rachel’s; her hand where it rested lightly on
Leslie’s back was larger, her legs thicker with muscle. Leslie ß ushed with a
body memory of Dev kissing her on the bench by the lake, the weight of her
pinning her down, Dev’s mouth on her bare stomach, moving lower. Oh, God,
don’t go there. Not with her so close.
Leslie focused on something safer—the storm. “It’s still coming down out
there.”
“We’re probably in for another twelve hou—”
• 157 •
RADCLY fFE
Somewhere close, very close, a crack like a riß e shot was followed by a thud
that shook the ground beneath them. Leslie ß inched and, unconsciously trying
to shield Dev, ß ung her arm over Dev’s face at the same time as Dev pulled
Leslie’s head into the protective curve of her neck. After long tense seconds,
Leslie started to breathe again.
“I guess if you hear it, it didn’t fall on you,” Leslie murmured.
Her heart was pounding, but she sensed none of the rapid irregularity that
usually preceded one of her light-headed episodes. She was just plain damn
scared. “I should’ve gotten to you sooner. We’re like sitting ducks out here.”
Dev laughed. “The ducks are doing a lot better than we are right now. Besides,
when we talked this morning everything was calm and clear.” She rested her
cheek against the top of Leslie’s head. “You came as soon as you could, and
you shouldn’t have come at all.”
Leslie poked Dev in the stomach. “Don’t start that again. I didn’t do anything
you wouldn’t have done.”
“Actually, you did,” Dev said. “I couldn’t have gotten that boat this far. I’m not
that good.”
Pleased, Leslie traced her Þ ngertips along the open collar of Dev’s shirt, just
skimming the warm skin beneath. “I practically grew up around boats. I’ve been
piloting one since I was tall enough to see over the steering wheel. When I was
younger, I loved the speed.”
“Yeah, I seem to recall that while you were tearing up the water, I was tearing
up the road on my bike.”
Leslie heard a wistful note in her voice. “Do you ride anymore?”
“No, the road shock really plays hell with my hip.”
“I didn’t realize it was a problem now,” Leslie said quietly. She knew Dev had
been badly injured, but she didn’t know the precise extent. How could she?
She’d never tried to Þ nd out back then, and hadn’t asked recently. Still
blocking it out, still running. God, what a coward. “You don’t limp. I never
realized it still bothered you.”
“It doesn’t, most of the time. Sometimes when I’m cold or stiff, my leg aches
but—”
“God, this must be killing you! Lying on the ground with me on top of you?”
Immediately guilty, angry with herself for not thinking of Dev—again—Leslie
tried to lift herself off Dev. “Why didn’t you say something? Damn it, Dev—”
Dev tightened her grip on Leslie’s shoulder, and since there was very little room
to maneuver in the bag, it wasn’t difÞ cult to keep Leslie
• 158 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
in place. “It’s plenty warm in here and my leg feels Þ ne. Stop fussing before
one of us gets an elbow in the eye.”
Still grumbling, Leslie settled back down, but their positions had altered just
enough that her leg came to rest between Dev’s. She heard Dev gasp and knew
that her own breath had caught audibly.
“Sorry,” Leslie said, trying unsuccessfully to disentangle her leg.
She needed to get away from Dev, immediately. The place where her thigh
rested high up between Dev’s legs was hot, and she imagined the warmth of
Dev’s sex cupped in her palm. The ridge of Dev’s hipbone snugged into her
mons, and she barely resisted the urge to rub against her. She was full and
throbbing and Dev’s Þ rm body felt so good. So terribly good. When she
clenched inside, instantly wet, she pushed at Dev’s chest. “I need to get out.
Can you reach the zipper?”
“What’s wrong? Where are you going?” Dev asked thickly.
Somehow her hands had ended up nestled in the curve of Leslie’s lower back.
Another inch and Leslie would be completely on top of her, and Dev would be
lost. Most of her wanted to be lost, because somehow she knew it would feel
like being found. But the little part of her that was still able to stand apart and
look down at them in the sleeping bag, with the world a screaming, swirling
chaos outside, told her it was not the time. She groaned softly. “When will it
ever be the time?”
“What?” Leslie whispered when Dev murmured something into her hair that she
couldn’t make out. When Dev merely shook her head, Leslie stroked her
cheek. Dev’s cheek was damp, and she was shaking.
Leslie wasn’t sure why, but Dev was hurting, and knowing that was breaking
her heart. Could the truth be so terrible? “I want to make love with you.”
“I want to too,” Dev said, lying absolutely still, her hands barely making contact.
She was afraid of losing it again, like she had the Þ rst time and then again last
week. But the wanting was a huge void begging to be Þ lled, a pain more
profound than any broken bone or mangled muscle had ever been. “I’ve wanted
you for so long.”
The tent Þ lled with silence louder than the storm.
Truth, Leslie thought. The one thing she still owed Dev, what she would always
owe her, was truth. The words tore at Leslie’s throat. “I want you so much, but
I’m afraid it’s a mistake.”
“I know it is.” Dev ran her Þ ngers through Leslie’s hair, then cupped the back
of her neck. Leslie’s breasts were cleaved to hers, their stomachs moving
together as they breathed, their intertwined
• 159 •
RADCLY fFE
legs trembling. Leslie lifted her head as if to speak and Dev kissed her tenderly,
just the barest touch of lips. An ache of wonder Þ lled her chest and her words
came out on a sob. “I know it’s a mistake, Les, but I don’t feel it. When I touch
you, when I’m anywhere near you, places open up inside of me that are Þ lled
with sunlight. Places that have been dark for so long.”
“Oh God, Dev,” Leslie whispered, wanting to kiss her so badly.
She hungered for Dev’s passion to ß ood over her the way it had every time
they’d kissed, and the force of her wanting terriÞ ed her. “I can’t tell anymore
what’s real and what isn’t. Up until a few weeks ago I knew exactly who I was,
what I was doing, where I was going. Now I…I hardly recognize myself.”
“Do you love her?”
The question pierced Leslie’s heart, because she had never asked it herself. Of
herself. Even though she couldn’t see Dev clearly in the pitch-black tent, Leslie
closed her eyes. She didn’t need to see Dev’s face to hear the pain, and knew
what the asking had cost her. She kept her eyes closed while she searched for
an answer, because she couldn’t bear to see ever again what her words did to
Dev. Truth. God, what was truth? Were there gradations of truth? Was
something true only if she didn’t know any other way to be, any other way to
feel? When had truth become relative for her? When had love?
Did she love Rachel? Two years. She’d been a willing partner in making the
relationship whatever it was or wasn’t. Rachel was not at fault for never giving
Leslie what she hadn’t demanded, and Leslie would not negate her as she had
once negated Dev. She took a deep breath and refused to qualify or excuse—
as much as her heart screamed out for her to. “Yes.”
With trembling Þ ngers, Dev traced Leslie’s face in the dark—her forehead, her
cheeks, her mouth. Then she unzipped the bag. “I’m going to get out. Keep the
bag closed so you don’t lose all the heat.”
“What are you going to do?” Leslie forced herself to release her hold on Dev
and rolled over onto her side as the bag opened and Dev extricated herself.
Dev sat up and rummaged for the lantern and turned it on, then checked her
watch. “It’s midnight. If the rain doesn’t let up enough for us to chance taking
the boat out on the lake in the morning, we’ll have to try starting a Þ re to dry
out some of our gear. The tent’s holding, but the ß oor’s damp.”
• 160 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
Leslie caught Dev’s arm. “What are you going to do for the rest of the night,
Dev?”
“I’m going to hunt out whatever dryish wood I can and get it under a tarp.”
“You’re not going anywhere.” Leslie threw back the top of the sleeping bag, sat
up next to Dev, and clamped a hand on her arm.
“Besides the rain, it’s not safe out there. In case you’ve forgotten, trees are
falling like matchsticks. If one comes down on you, I’d never Þ nd you.”
“Les, I’ll be okay.”
“No.”
Dev looked away. On Leslie, anger looked a lot like arousal. And Dev was still
very close to boiling, and the pressure of Leslie’s Þ ngers digging into her arm
was as potent as a caress. If they struggled in the small space, she’d lose the last
frayed rein on the desire that was choking her. She’d be all over Leslie, and
there were only so many times she could stop. “Okay. We should both try to
get some sleep, then. I’ll put on some extra clothes and sleep on top of the bag.
I’ll be okay.”
“That’s absolutely ridiculous,” Leslie barked. “We ought to be capable of
sleeping next to one another fully clothed. We’re not teenagers, for God’s
sake.”
Dev laughed harshly. “No, we’re not. That part, I do understand.”
“Then get back into the sleeping bag.” Leslie Þ sted the front of Dev’s shirt and
pulled her down. Her expression softened as she barely resisted caressing Dev’s
stony face. “Get in, zip it back up, and turn on your side with your back to me.”
Since it made as much sense as both of them sitting up for the rest of the night,
freezing, Dev complied. It took some doing, but Þ nally she lay with Leslie
curved along her back and Leslie’s hand resting on her shoulder. As much as
she knew it was crazy, she was grateful for whatever bit of contact she could
have with Leslie for however short a time. She was too tired and wound too
tight to think much beyond that.
Leslie rested her cheek lightly against Dev’s back and closed her eyes. Truth.
Do you love her?
Yes, but never the way I loved you.
• 161 •
RADCLY fFE
v
Leslie awoke in hazy gray light, damp and stiff and aroused. She was in the
same position she had been in the night before when she’d fallen asleep, her
belly and breasts snugged against Dev’s butt and back. Her borrowed jeans
were a size too big for her, but she still felt an uncomfortable tightness in her
groin, a deep throbbing pressure that had her longing for release. She’d never
been so aware of her body, or another woman’s, or of the relentless urgency to
be touched. She inched away and felt Dev stir immediately. Dev must have been
lying awake.
“What time is it?” Leslie whispered.
“About six.”
“I don’t know what I want Þ rst. We skipped dinner and I’m hungry.
I want to brush my teeth. And I have to pee.”
Dev laughed, found the zipper, and opened the bag. She crawled out, gritting
her teeth as pain lanced down her leg, and slowly worked her way into a sitting
position. Her right hip was on Þ re. “The Þ rst two I can help you with. You’re
on your own with the last one.” She leaned over and pulled a dry bag from a
pile. “How about a protein bar to stave off starvation?”
“Let me take a quick run outside and I’ll take you up on it.” Leslie lifted one of
her ruined shoes and grimaced. “They’re a wreck. Would you mind if I wore
your boots?”
“Go ahead.”
After Leslie left the tent, Dev tried her two-way radio. The batteries were still
good, but she couldn’t raise anyone back at Lakeview. From the sounds of the
storm, the wind was still high. She dug out the rubber boots she wore for
shallow water work and followed Leslie out to take care of her own call of
nature. When she was done, she inspected the trench around the tent. Even
though nearly obliterated by the driving downpour, it had nevertheless protected
them from a great deal of runoff. With a sigh, she turned to get the shovel from
the tent to re-dig it.
“Your leg’s bothering you, isn’t it?” Leslie said, stepping from the woods into
the small clearing around the tent. “You’re limping pretty badly this morning.”
“Too much time in one position.” As sore, tired, and emotionally
• 162 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
exhausted as she was, Dev couldn’t help but smile. Leslie had rolled up the
sleeves and cuffs of Dev’s sweatshirt and jeans, both of which were a size too
big for her, and she looked as young and fresh as she had when they were kids.
“What?” Leslie asked grumpily.
“Nothing.”
Leslie cocked her head and squinted appraisingly at Dev, impatiently brushing
rain from her eyes with one hand. The torrent had subsided to a heavy, steady
deluge. “What do we need to do?”
“For now, just freshen up these trenches to keep the ß oor as dry as we can. If
we have to sleep another night out here, I don’t want the sleeping bag getting
wet.”
“I’m not sleeping out here another night.”
“Don’t worry, we’ll be okay. Once we have a Þ re going, we can get things
reasonably dry.”
“Where’s the shovel?” Leslie walked to the tent and yanked down the zipper on
the ß ap. It wasn’t about sleeping wet. She didn’t care if she had to sleep under
the trees in a monsoon. She couldn’t spend another night next to Dev, not
without imploding or attacking her. She couldn’t even look at her without
starting to ache. Dev had circles under her eyes, her wet hair clung in disheveled
strands to her neck, and her work shirt and jeans were mud streaked. And she
was absolutely gorgeous.
“I’ll take care of it,” Dev said.
Leslie turned abruptly and found Dev inches from her. She balled her Þ sts so
she wouldn’t slide her hands into Dev’s hair. “You won’t.
You’ll get in that tent and lie down. You can hardly walk.”
Dev’s jaw tightened. Even in the rain and shadowy light, Leslie’s eyes blazed.
Dev wanted to kiss her. She wanted more than that. She wanted Leslie under
her, naked and open and wet.
“Get in the tent, Dev,” Leslie said, watching the hunger rise in Dev’s face. No
one had ever looked at her like that before, and she craved it now like nothing
she had ever known. Her voice dropped to a whisper. “Please.”
“Leslie—”
“Glad to see you two are still in one piece!” Natalie called as she materialized
out of the woods.
Dev jerked and stepped back a pace. Leslie took a long breath and settled
herself before turning to face the ranger. Natalie stood with
• 163 •
RADCLY fFE
her hands on her hips observing them with a curious expression on her face. She
looked tired but disgustingly dry in a rain poncho, nylon rain pants, and boots.
Leslie tried not to snarl.
“Sorry I couldn’t get here sooner,” Natalie said. “How about I give you two a
ride back to land?”
“I’ll take my own boat back,” Leslie said.
“I’m staying here with my equipment,” Dev said.
Slowly shaking her head, Natalie slid her hands through the slits in the poncho
and into her pants pockets. “Sorry, no to both of those ideas. We’re evacuating
all the campsites, so you need to pack up whatever critical items you have,
Dev.” She regarded Leslie pointedly.
“You were lucky to make it here at all, Ms. Harris. The lake is still far too rough
for your craft. You’ll be riding with me.”
Leslie didn’t like being given an ultimatum, but she needed to get back to the
mainland. She needed enough space from Dev to be able to draw a breath that
wasn’t Þ lled with need. “I want to be sure my boat is secure.”
“I’ll help you with that while Dev gets her stuff together.”
Natalie turned and walked back into the woods, leaving Leslie no choice but to
follow. When Natalie stopped on the lake bank, Leslie came up beside her and
studied her boat rocking hard in the churning water. Natalie’s larger, heavier
departmental craft was anchored nearby.
One of them would have to climb down the bank into the water to get more
lines on her boat or it was going to break free. “We’re going to get wet doing
this.”
“I’ll get extra lines from my boat.”
“I couldn’t get much wetter,” Leslie said when Natalie returned with the ropes.
“I’ll go. You stay up here to secure them.”
When Leslie started down the steep, muddy bank, Natalie wrapped an arm
around a tree that canted out over the water, leaned out as far as she could, and
held out her hand.
“Here, grab on so you don’t fall.”
“Thanks.” When Leslie took Natalie’s hand their eyes met.
Natalie’s were dark and considering.
“That was pretty risky, coming out here yesterday,” Natalie said
conversationally.
“She was out here alone,” Leslie said. “You would have done the same.”
• 164 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
“I wanted to.”
“I can imagine.”
Natalie smiled faintly. “Can you?”
“Yes,” Leslie said softly, “I can.”
• 165 •
• 166 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
CHAPTER NINETEEN
While Natalie stood at the wheel in the cockpit, her legs braced wide apart for
balance in the buffeting wind and rain, Leslie huddled on the bench across from
Dev. The sky was a muddy brown, the water an angry gray, and both suited her
mood. She hated being rescued, even though she knew it was the wisest course.
The swells were higher than she’d ever seen them on the lake, and even in the
larger, heavier park service craft, the ride was harrowing. In her boat it would
have been impossible. Conversation was impossible, too, but even if she’d
wanted to talk to Dev, Dev clearly didn’t want to talk to her. Dev sat with her
body angled forward toward Natalie, her face impassive.
Leslie wondered what she was thinking. They hadn’t had any time to talk since
Natalie showed up at the campsite, but then Leslie wasn’t sure what she would
say to her. What could she say? I’m sorry?
That hardly seemed to cover how many wrong turns she’d taken with Dev,
starting when they’d been seventeen. Last night, though, might just have been
her crowning moment. They weren’t impulsive kids anymore, but she hadn’t
been able to keep her hands to herself or her mouth shut. She’d been in the
midst of seducing Dev—Leslie cringed inwardly but there was no other word
for it—she’d told Dev she wanted to make love, for God’s sake. And then in
the next breath she’d said no.
What had she been thinking? Nothing, obviously.
When she looked back on her relationship with Dev, it was littered with regret.
The only good thing to come of the entire visit had been that she and Dev had Þ
nally talked about what had happened between them the night of the accident.
Of course, that conversation had nearly
• 167 •
RADCLY fFE
ended with them mindlessly screwing on the shore. Maybe it was better if they
didn’t talk. Leslie stared at Dev and her heart raced. No, it was better if they
weren’t anywhere near one another.
With a sigh, Leslie closed her eyes. Her father was home from the hospital and
headed toward recovery, her mother had hired a temporary cook and part-time
handyman, and she had even gotten the medical tests she was supposed to
have. God knew, she’d certainly had enough rest and relaxation. Any more, and
she would lose her mind. She’d stay to help her mother with the July Fourth
bash, and then she was going back to Manhattan. Back to the orderly, satisfying
life she had chosen, the one that suited her.
“You okay?” Dev shouted over the wind.
Leslie opened her eyes, her pulse racing when her eyes met Dev’s.
“Yes! You?”
Dev grinned ruefully and shrugged.
Even though relieved at the imminent prospect of heading back toward sanity,
Leslie couldn’t ignore the pang at knowing she wouldn’t see Dev again. And
with the heat of Dev’s body still alive in her mind, Leslie feared it would take
more than distance to extinguish the memory.
When the sound of the motor revving down caught Leslie’s attention, she
looked away from Dev with both sorrow and relief.
Natalie was guiding the boat up to the wide, rain-slicked dock alongside
Lakeview’s boathouse. It was deserted, as were the grounds.
Many of the cars that had been in the parking lot were gone, and Leslie
expected that a fair number of people had cut short their vacations when the
weather turned bad. In a way, that wasn’t such a bad thing, because it would
give her mother a break before the inß ux of new guests for the long weekend.
Natalie throttled down, eased the boat against the side of the dock, and called
over her shoulder, “Someone want to climb out and grab the lines?”
Leslie was closer to the dock side and hurriedly clambered out, dragging the
stern line with her. She pulled the craft against the cushioned bumpers attached
to the side of the dock and wrapped a line around a cleat while Natalie jumped
from the bow and did the same.
“Thanks,” Natalie called, hunching her shoulders in the wind.
“No problem.” Out of the corner of her eye, Leslie saw Dev stumble as she
climbed from the boat onto the dock, a grimace of pain on her face. “Dev!”
• 168 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
Leslie lunged for her, but Natalie was closer.
“Hey there,” Natalie cried, grasping Dev around the waist and steadying her so
she didn’t fall. Her face concerned, she smoothed her free hand over Dev’s
chest. “Your leg’s taking a pretty good hit in this weather, isn’t it?”
“Some,” Dev said tightly, wrapping her arm around Natalie’s shoulders for
balance.
Leslie pulled up short, recognizing that her help wasn’t needed and also aware
that although smaller, Natalie was holding Dev up. It was also obvious that
Natalie knew about the old injury to Dev’s leg.
Clearly, Dev had told her about the accident, and Leslie wondered how much
else Natalie knew about that night. Not that it mattered.
“Come on, let’s get the both of you up to the lodge and dried out.”
Natalie kept her arm around Dev as the three of them negotiated the wet slope
up to the lodge. Once on the porch, Natalie said, “I’ll let you know when you
can go back out to the island for your gear, Dev. I don’t imagine you’ll be taking
any more samples for a while.”
“Not until the effects of the storm settle down. Probably a week or so.” Dev
eased out of Natalie’s grasp and carefully put weight on her leg. “Thanks.”
“My pleasure.” Natalie smiled softly at Dev. “I may be busy all day, but I’ll talk
to you later.” She turned to Leslie. “I’ll give you a ride out to your boat
tomorrow if the weather breaks.”
“I appreciate it,” Leslie said, trying to inject some warmth into her voice.
“Okay then. Take care. Get dry,” Natalie said.
When Natalie turned to go back down the stairs to the path, Leslie stopped her
with a hand on her arm. The woman had just motored over two hours in ugly
weather to bring them home. “Come inside for coffee.
I imagine you’re going to have a long day.”
Natalie’s eyes ß ickered with surprise, then she nodded. “Thanks.
Maybe your mother made some of those biscuits again.”
Leslie smiled, Þ nding it hard not to like her. And after all, there was no reason
not to. So Natalie was involved with Dev and didn’t bother to hide it. Why
should she? Dev was…well, Dev was Dev, and what woman wouldn’t be
attracted to her? Leslie clenched her jaws, angry at herself for even thinking
about whatever was going on between Dev and Natalie. She turned and walked
resolutely inside.
They took their rain gear off and hung it on hooks by the door.
• 169 •
RADCLY fFE
A few guests clustered around the Þ replace in the great room, reading
newspapers or books, or watching the Weather Channel on TV. Leslie led
Natalie and Dev back toward the kitchen.
“Mom? Dad?” she called as she pushed through the swinging doors.
“Leslie?” her mother answered eagerly, appearing in the doorway of the
adjoining family room. Beyond her, Leslie’s father was stretched out on the
couch with a newspaper on his lap, his casted leg propped on pillows. “Thank
God you’re back.”
Leslie gave her mother a quick hug, then leaned down to kiss her father. “Hi,
Daddy. How are you feeling?”
“A damn sight better now that you’re home. Rough trip?”
“Sort of. The boat’s okay, but we left it at the island. Sorry.”
He shook his head. “Better that than you trying to get back in this stuff.”
Eileen smiled at Natalie and Dev. “The three of you look like you could use hot
showers, dry clothes, and something to eat.”
“I need to get back out there, so I’ll have to pass on the Þ rst two,”
Natalie said, “but I’ll take you up on the food.”
Eileen hooked her arm through Natalie’s. “Come on in the kitchen.
And thank you for bringing my daughter home.”
“Don’t mention it,” Natalie said, disappearing through the doorway with Eileen.
“You doing okay?” Leslie said quietly as she and Dev followed at a slower
pace. Dev’s face was white and her eyes smudged with fatigue.
“Yeah. Just beat.” Dev made a conscious effort not to limp, but with each
passing hour her lower back and hip had gotten tighter to the point that every
step sent a jolt of Þ re down her leg. The last time it had been this bad, she’d
been sampling intestinal parasites from Þ sh in the Finger Lakes in November.
There’d been an early snow, and it had been twenty degrees on the dock where
she’d knelt for three hours gutting the Þ sh and opening their GI tracts. She’d
managed to Þ nish collecting the specimens, but she’d paid for it with two days
in bed.
“You look like you can barely move.” Dev’s hurting was so apparent that Leslie
ached just watching her walk. Knowing she was helpless to ease Dev’s pain
was so frustrating that she almost felt physically ill herself.
• 170 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
“I’ll be okay once I get warmed up and take a couple ibuprofen,”
Dev said, trying to sound upbeat.
Leslie doubted that a few hundred milligrams of Motrin was going to touch
Dev’s pain, but she said nothing. She pulled a tall stool from against the wall
toward the center island so Dev could sit on it. Her mother and Natalie were
discussing the storm while her mother poured coffee into big white ceramic
mugs. “Get some weight off your leg at least.” She grabbed two mugs and
carried them back to the island.
“Here.”
“Thanks. What about you,” Dev asked quietly, sipping the hot coffee gratefully.
“You’ve barely slept in two days. Are you feeling okay?”
Leslie’s Þ rst reaction was to protest that she was Þ ne, but she stopped herself
from making the stock reply. Dev had asked, and she deserved an answer. “I
feel like crap, but mostly because I’m wet and cold and hungry.” She grinned
weakly and decided she should leave out the part about being indescribably
horny, which was even more distressing than all the other things put together. It
was bad enough she’d woken up aroused. Even the biting wind and drenching
rain and Natalie’s possessive attitude toward Dev hadn’t been able to put a
damper on it. And every time she looked at Dev, she remembered how good it
had been with Dev’s body against hers all night. She tried not to look at Dev’s
mouth because whenever she did, the ß uttering sensation inside started up, and
it had nothing to do with her heart problems.
“Things have been pretty stressful.” Dev watched Leslie’s eyes darken from
blue to indigo. She was beautiful, even sleepless and bedraggled.
“Stressful. Jesus, what an understatement.” Leslie wanted to laugh, but she
didn’t want to draw attention to them. She knew they only had a few more
minutes of privacy. “I had one tiny episode yesterday, but it was so short it
doesn’t even count.” She glanced at her mother to make sure she wasn’t
listening. “The doctors who did the tests said that the medication should be
enough. I intend to take it, because I don’t have time for any more of this
nonsense.”
“Good.” Dev squeezed Leslie’s hand, and gently released it.
“Aren’t you supposed to quit coffee too?”
Leslie’s face went cold. “Don’t push it, Devon.”
Dev laughed quietly, and Leslie Þ nally smiled.
• 171 •
RADCLY fFE
“Is this storm going to ruin the work you were doing on the island?” Leslie
asked, because she wanted to change the subject and also because she cared.
She knew how important Dev’s work was to her.
“I got just about everything I need.”
“I’m glad.”
“Here you go,” Eileen said, setting a plate of buttermilk biscuits in the center of
the island.
Natalie grabbed one and leaned against the counter next to Dev.
“How are you doing?”
“Better,” Dev said.
“You three help yourselves to anything else you need,” Eileen said. “I’m going to
check on Paul and make sure the guests are taken care of.” She rested her hand
on Leslie’s shoulder. “I almost forgot.
Your friend Rachel from New York called here when she didn’t get an answer
on your cell.”
Leslie grew still. Dev stiffened beside her, and Natalie’s face took on an
interested expression. “Okay. Thanks.”
“She sounded worried when I told her about the storm, so you should probably
call her pretty soon.”
“I will, Mom,” Leslie said tightly.
“Do you need her number? She left her cell and her—”
“I have them.”
Eileen hesitated, then dropped her hand from Leslie’s shoulder.
“Natalie, you be careful out there today.”
“I will. Thanks.” Natalie waited until Eileen left the room, then asked
nonchalantly, “Girlfriend?”
Leslie gave Natalie a long, appraising look. The question could be passed off as
casual conversation, but she knew it wasn’t. “Something like that.” She rose,
walked to the sink, and poured the last of her coffee down the drain. Then she
looked at Dev. “Are you going to be okay getting down to your cabin?”
“I’ll walk her down,” Natalie said, “when she’s done with her coffee.”
“Fine. Thanks for the ride home,” Leslie said tersely. She left them there,
grabbed her rain jacket, and strode out into the downpour, oblivious to the
discomfort as she stalked through the woods. Four more days and this entire
surreal interlude would all be behind her.
• 172 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
When she reached her cabin she headed directly to her bathroom, pulling off her
rain jacket and dropping it over the back of a wooden chair as she went. She
closed the door, turned on the hot water in the shower, and began to remove
her clothes. Dev’s clothes, she thought as she bent to unlace Dev’s boots.
Dev’s shirt, Dev’s pants, Dev’s hands—her kisses, her mouth, God, oh God,
her mouth. How good Dev’s mouth had felt skimming down her stomach.
Closing her eyes, Leslie leaned back against the counter, slipping her hand inside
Dev’s jeans. Her skin was cold, but she was hot between her legs. And wet.
And oh so hard and aching. With a soft moan she stroked the ache, but it only
grew more Þ erce. She pressed harder, willing the wanting away, and groaned
at the pleasure. Her legs shook and she gripped the counter with her free arm,
her hand circling faster beneath the soaked denim.
Oh God, it felt so good and she wanted it to stop. She didn’t want this, this
terrible longing.
“Oh please,” she gasped, her head falling back, orgasm shimmering through her.
She couldn’t want this. She couldn’t. Her will snapped as her climax surged
and she cried out softly, bending nearly double with the pleasure. “Yes. Oh
yes.”
When the wracking tremors subsided enough for her to straighten, Leslie turned
unsteadily and braced her arms on the counter, panting.
While the last tendrils of orgasm washed through her, she stared at her reß
ection in the mirror, shocked by the sated expression in her bruised eyes and ß
ushed face. Oh God, who are you?
v
After her shower, Leslie fell naked into bed and slept for nine hours.
When she woke a little before seven in the evening, she felt hollowed out, far
emptier than mere hunger could account for. She ignored the feeling as she
reached for her phone and pressed the familiar number on speed dial without
even looking.
“This is Rachel Hawthorne. I’m not available right now, so please leave—”
Leslie cut the connection and stared at the ceiling. She wondered how Dev was
doing, if her leg was better, if she was going to be able to make it up to the
lodge for dinner. Maybe she should go up, Þ x her a plate, and take it down to
her cabin.
• 173 •
RADCLY fFE
“What am I doing?” Leslie muttered, throwing back the sheets in disgust. She
ran her hands through her hair. “Losing my mind. That’s what I’m doing.”
The phone vibrated and she snatched it up. “Hello?”
“Hello, darling. I’m in the car.”
Leslie felt a quick rush of relief. This was normal. With Rachel, she knew exactly
who she was. “Hi. I heard you called. Sorry I missed you. How are you?”
“Fine. Busy. Your mother said there was a storm.”
Leslie laughed. “You could say that.”
“Listen, darling, I’m on my way to a client dinner, but I’ve got good news.”
“So do I. I’ll be ho—”
“I freed up my schedule and I’m ß ying up for the Fourth. I’m afraid overnight is
all I can manage.”
Leslie’s stomach clenched. “That’s not necessary, Rach, really. I know how
busy you are, and I’ll—”
“Nonsense, darling. We’ll have plenty of time to get reacquainted.”
She laughed throatily. “I’m pulling into the parking garage, so I’m going to sign
off. I’ll see you, darling.”
“Rachel, wait! Rach?” Leslie was left staring at the silent phone in her hand,
wondering why she didn’t want Rachel there. Maybe it was just that this wasn’t
part of their life, and she had no way to explain to Rachel who she had been all
those years ago. Or, she feared, it might be because she wasn’t the woman
Rachel was expecting to Þ nd when she arrived.
• 174 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
CHAPTER TWENTY
Leslie contemplated her choices in footwear as she pulled on jeans, a warm
navy crew-neck sweater, and the thickest socks she’d packed. But all she had
in the way of shoes were sneakers or dress shoes. Neither would hold up on the
muddy path to the lodge. With a sigh, she pulled on Dev’s boots. She could
borrow a pair from her mother and return these to Dev later. She hoped that
Dev had another pair of boots at her cabin and wouldn’t need these tonight.
Flashlight in hand and a bundle of clothes under her other arm, Leslie set out
toward the lodge. The rain had tapered off to a heavy downfall. Annoying, but
not threatening. Nevertheless, Leslie felt as if she’d been slogging through water
for days. Lights shone in one or two of the cabins she passed, but the cloud
cover was too dense to allow any moonlight to Þ lter through the trees. When a
beam of light ß ashed from out of the woods and into Leslie’s face, it was as
bright as a car headlight, stinging her eyes.
Startled and annoyed, she complained, “Hey!”
“Oh, sorry,” a woman called, and the light immediately cut down to the ground.
Leslie blinked away the water in her irritated eyes and cautiously approached.
Then her uncertainty was replaced by something altogether different, a sinking
sensation she didn’t want to analyze. She raised her own ß ashlight until the edge
of the beam illuminated Natalie’s face.
“Hi.”
“Nice night,” Natalie said lightly.
“Isn’t it.” Leslie took in Natalie’s backpack and the plastic bag of what looked
like groceries under her arm. She was clearly on her way
• 175 •
RADCLY fFE
to Dev’s, probably bringing her dinner. Like Leslie had wanted to do.
Like she had no right to do. And a backpack—overnight clothes? Her mood
darkened. She sidestepped to make room for Natalie on the path.
“Be careful. The trail’s a mess.”
“You too. By the way, I moored the department boat down at your dock. I can
take you out to yours in the morning, if that works for you.”
Leslie’s jaw tightened. Natalie was staying the night. “That would be Þ ne.
Thank you.”
“Right after breakfast?”
“Perfect,” Leslie said ß atly. “Good night.”
“Night,” Natalie called.
Leslie stood in the drizzle, watching Natalie disappear into the dark. To bring
Dev supper. To keep her company on a cold, rainy night.
To take care of her pain. Leslie suddenly had an image of Natalie curled into the
bend of Dev’s body, the way she had been the night before, and the ache was
so huge it hurt to draw breath. She turned away and walked on in the rain,
wishing she had never come home. Wishing she had never seen Dev again.
Wishing she didn’t want her and wondering when it would stop.
She trudged up to the lodge, grateful for a diversion, anything to keep her mind
occupied until she could get back to Manhattan. A few people lingered in the
great room, but the large dining room adjoining it was dark. Subdued light
streaked beneath the kitchen door and Leslie made her way toward it. Her
mother sat at the central counter on the same stool that Dev had occupied
earlier, working a crossword puzzle.
“Hi, honey,” Eileen said, swinging around as if to stand.
Leslie held up a hand. “Don’t get up.” She craned her neck toward the family
room. “Is Daddy here?”
“No. He didn’t sleep well last night and he went to bed early.” She pointed to
the bundle under Leslie’s arm. “What have you got there?”
“Laundry. Do you mind if I do some?”
“Of course not. You haven’t had dinner, have you?”
“No. I just woke up a little while ago.”
Eileen rose. “I’ll put the laundry in while you Þ x yourself something to eat.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I know I don’t. Give me the laundry.”
• 176 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
Leslie wasn’t really hungry, but she knew she should eat something.
Maybe then the gnawing ache in the pit of her stomach would go away.
Leslie sighed. “Thanks, Mom.”
“Are these yours?” Eileen called from the small laundry room next to the
kitchen.
“No,” Leslie said as she opened the refrigerator and pulled out a pizza box and
a bottle of Beck’s. She peeked under the lid and saw with satisfaction that there
were two slices remaining. “They’re Dev’s. Mine will have to go to the dry
cleaners, and even then, I’m not sure they’re salvageable.”
“Put that in the microwave,” Eileen said automatically as she rejoined Leslie and
sat down at the counter again.
“It’s Þ ne.” Leslie leaned an elbow on the counter, poured a glass of beer, and
munched on the cold pizza.
Eileen shook her head, smiling faintly. “How’s Dev doing? She looked pretty
worn out this morning.”
Leslie stiffened and took another swallow of beer. “I don’t know.
I haven’t talked to her since we came back.”
“I’ll call her cell and see if she wants me to Þ x something. Maybe you can take
it down to her.”
“No,” Leslie said abruptly. When her mother started in surprise, Leslie lowered
her voice. “I’m sure she would have called if she needed anything. I saw Natalie
on the way down toward her cabin. She looked like she had food with her.”
“Oh. That’s good.”
Peachy. Leslie pushed the last half-eaten slice away and drained her glass. Then
she went to the refrigerator and got another beer.
“Did you call your friend?” Eileen asked, absently Þ lling in a word in the
crossword puzzle.
“Yes.” Leslie paused a beat. “She’s coming up for the Fourth.
She’ll be staying overnight.”
Eileen looked up. “We don’t have any vacancies, but we can bring a day bed
down to your cabin.”
Leslie blushed, thinking of the not-quite-double bed in the small bedroom. “We
won’t need one.”
“Oh,” Eileen said with studied casualness. She crossed to the counter and
poured coffee, then returned. “Rachel. That’s her name, isn’t it?”
• 177 •
RADCLY fFE
“Yes, Rachel Hawthorne.”
“And she’s your….I’m sorry. Is girlfriend correct?”
“We’re involved,” Leslie said. “She’s an attorney.”
“At your Þ rm?”
Leslie appreciated her mother’s effort, but she didn’t want to talk about Rachel
or their life. Still, she answered impassively, “No. Another Þ rm. She does
malpractice litigation.”
“I’m sure it’s not easy going up against the medical establishment.”
“Most of Rachel’s work is defending hospitals and pharmaceutical companies.”
Seeing her mother’s ß eeting expression of displeasure, quickly hidden, Leslie
said bitterly, “I guess neither one of us is on the side of the angels.”
Eileen sighed. “I know some of the things I said when you decided to practice
corporate law made it sound as if I don’t approve of what you do—”
“Isn’t that the truth?” Leslie snapped, her nerves uncharacteristically raw. God,
why did they have to get into this again tonight, when everything else in her life
was so out of control?
“I suppose I’d be happier if you were working for the ACLU or something—”
Leslie snorted and Eileen laughed quietly. “All right, never mind that. I think it’s
probably better that someone like you is doing what you do, rather than
someone with no social conscience at all. And I’ve always trusted your
judgment.”
“My judgment is the last thing you should trust.” Leslie was too tired and too
heartsick to regret what she said, although she knew she would later.
Startled, Eileen leaned forward on the counter and gently touched Leslie’s hand.
“Why do you say that? What’s wrong?”
Leslie shook her head and rubbed her hand over her forehead, closing her eyes
against the headache that had sprung up out of nowhere.
“Nothing. It’s not important.”
“Of course it’s important. I’ve had a long time to think about what happened
between us, Leslie,” Eileen said intently. “Something happened when you went
away to college. You shut down. Or shut me out. And I let you.”
“Mom,” Leslie said, “it’s not—”
“Is it Dev?”
• 178 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
Shocked, Leslie could only stare. Finally she found her voice.
“Why do you say that?”
“Because if I didn’t know about Rachel, I’d think you and Dev were lovers.”
Leslie’s jaw dropped. “Why?”
Eileen laughed and lifted her hands as if it were obvious. “Because of the way
you are together.”
“We aren’t any way at all together,” Leslie said vehemently. “Of course we’re
not lovers! I haven’t even seen Devon since two days before I left for college.”
Eileen’s eyes narrowed. “Why not? Why did you lose touch?”
“Because!” Leslie spun away and closed her eyes, appalled to feel tears slip
from between her lashes. Her legs shook, and she reached blindly for a nearby
stool. She slumped onto it and took several long deep breaths, centering herself,
reclaiming her control. Then she brushed quickly at her face and turned back to
face her mother. She spoke with no emotion, reciting facts. “I knew Dev in high
school. I was a year ahead of her, and I went away to school and that was the
last time I saw her.”
“I knew that part, Leslie. What I don’t know is the part you still don’t want to
tell me.”
Leslie tugged at her lower lip with her teeth, biting down until the pain helped her
focus. She could hold back her tears, but she couldn’t hold back the truth
anymore. “Mike found us kissing and he beat her up. He hurt her, and I let him.”
“Oh my God. Leslie.”
Leslie put her face in her hands and bowed her head. “I let him.
God. I let him.” She raised her head, her eyes Þ lled with misery. “Then Dev
had the accident on her bike and I went off to college and pretended it never
happened.”
“I am so sorry. I am so, so sorry you had to go through all that by yourself.”
Eileen rose and gave Leslie a quick hug. Then she rested her cheek against
Leslie’s hair, keeping her arm very lightly on Leslie’s shoulders. “I’d like to
murder Mike. I’m so sorry you and Dev were hurt.”
“Dev was hurt. I just ran.”
Eileen kissed the top of her head, then asked gently, “So you two were
girlfriends, back then?”
• 179 •
RADCLY fFE
“No,” Leslie said with a sigh. “Well, we were but we didn’t realize what was
happening between us until that night. And then I kind of freaked out, and it
took me years to Þ gure it all out.”
Eileen tilted Leslie’s chin up and studied her face. “What about now that you
and Dev are friends again?”
“I’m with Rachel. We’ve been seeing each other almost two years.”
“Do you two live together in Manhattan?” Eileen settled back on her stool.
“No.” Leslie shook her head, relieved not to be talking about Dev or the past
anymore. “We both have our own condos. Our schedules are so crazy, we
don’t see each other that much anyhow, so there’s really no point in living
together.”
“Well, making a life together isn’t always about how much time you spend in the
same place.”
“We’re not that kind of couple.” Leslie frowned, realizing how that sounded,
even though it was true. “We both have our own lives, Mom. We respect each
other’s work. We enjoy each other. Things are Þ ne just the way they are.”
“I see,” Eileen said gently. “Well, it will be nice to meet her.”
“Thanks,” Leslie said, aware just how inadequate her summary of her
relationship with Rachel must have sounded. But she’d been truthful. What does
that say about my life?
v
“Soup’s on!” Natalie called.
Tucking a faded blue-checked ß annel shirt into her oldest pair of jeans, Dev
made her way slowly out of the bedroom to Þ nd Natalie, barefoot in a white
silk T-shirt and black slacks, spooning tomato soup into bowls. A Þ re crackled
in the Þ replace and a tray of cheese and French bread sat on the coffee table in
front of the sofa. A bottle of white wine completed the picture.
“That looks great, thanks,” Dev said, an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach.
She hadn’t been able to make it any farther than the sofa when she got home
that morning, and she’d still been asleep when Natalie arrived, announcing her
intentions to make dinner. Dev hadn’t wanted company, but Natalie had come
out in the pouring rain so she’d smiled and let her in. Now, showered and Þ
nally warm, she took in the
• 180 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
room and realized that Natalie might be interested in more than dinner.
Natalie’s silk T was just sheer enough to reveal a hint of dusky nipples on her
decidedly braless breasts. She wore her dark hair down, and Dev caught the
hint of an earthy perfume. Natalie looked and smelled like walking sex.
“How’s your leg?” Natalie carried the bowls to the coffee table, set one down in
front of Dev, and curled up next to her with the other bowl balanced in her lap.
“Not bad,” Dev said, sipping the soup. “This was nice of you.”
“You looked like hell this morning. If I hadn’t had to get the rest of our
marooned campers off the islands, I wouldn’t have left you here alone today.”
“I would have been pretty lousy company. I crashed the minute I walked in and
didn’t move until you knocked on the front door.”
Natalie shrugged, smiling softly. “I can think of worse things to do than watching
you sleep.”
Carefully, Dev set her bowl down. She liked Natalie a lot. Natalie was not only
smart and capable, she was sexy as all get out. A month ago, Dev had seriously
considered a night with her, maybe even a pleasant summer interlude. Now all
she could think about was Leslie.
All she’d been able to think about since the moment she’d seen her at the train
station had been Leslie. She could still smell her hair, still feel her body stretched
along hers, still feel her everywhere. She hurt so much inside she wanted to fall
on her knees and beg for everything to be different. Christ, what a fool.
“Why does it bother you that I want to go to bed with you?”
Natalie asked, putting her own bowl aside.
“That’s direct.” Dev grinned shakily. “I like that about you.”
Natalie stretched one leg out and curled her toes into Dev’s right calf. Then she
slowly ran her foot up and down Dev’s jean-clad leg.
“I’ve wanted to get you into bed since the Þ rst time I saw you standing in the
lake with water up to your waist. And unless I’m way off base, no one else is
warming your bed.”
Hitching her leg partway onto the couch, Dev turned sideways so she could
meet Natalie’s gaze. She caught her breath when Natalie slid her foot along the
top of her thigh and between her legs. When Natalie’s heel nudged the seam in
her jeans, Dev stiffened.
“Tell me that doesn’t feel good.” Natalie’s voice was throaty and low, her eyes
soft and sultry.
• 181 •
RADCLY fFE
Dev wrapped her Þ ngers around Natalie’s ankle and moved her foot away an
inch. She was tired and weary at heart, but her body still screamed for release
after the hours of arousal the night before, and Natalie was very good at
seduction. “I’m not dead, Natalie. You’re a beautiful woman and you’re making
me more than a little bit crazy.”
Natalie drew her leg away, slid closer on the couch, and put her hand where her
foot had been—high on the inside of Dev’s thigh. She squeezed the tight muscle,
released, then squeezed again. Dev gasped.
“Let me make you feel good. I know what you need. Let me slide my Þ ngers
—”
“Natalie,” Dev said, her voice rough, her stomach tight. “It wouldn’t be right.”
“Dev, for God’s sake, I can tell you want me. What is it you think I want that
you’re so worried about?” Natalie moved her hand from Dev’s thigh to her
cheek, stroking her face. “All I want is to share what we both want to share. I’m
not asking for anything else.”
“I know, I believe you.” Dev leaned her head back and stared at the ceiling, her
breath coming in painful spurts. It had taken so long to feel anything for any
other woman, and she didn’t often give in to physical attraction. Too many times
she’d been left feeling empty. She turned her head and met Natalie’s troubled,
questioning gaze. “I can’t make love to you because I…I…”
“Because you’re in love with Leslie Harris.”
Dev closed her eyes as the pain washed through her. Natalie leaned forward
and gently kissed her on the mouth. Natalie’s lips were soft, moist, warm. Her
full, Þ rm breasts pressed against Dev’s arm.
She smelled like rain, she smelled like life. And Dev hurt so much. She wanted
to keep her eyes closed and let Leslie open her shirt, unbutton her jeans, and
stroke her sorrows into pleasure. She wanted Leslie to…
Leslie. She wanted Leslie. She opened her eyes. “Yes. Because I love Leslie.”
“She’s not here, Dev,” Natalie said, her gentleness softening the sting in her
words. “I don’t know why she isn’t, but the reasons don’t really matter. What
matters is that you’re here alone, hurting, and I want to be with you. We’ll both
feel better, I promise.”
“I can’t,” Dev groaned. “I can’t make love with you if I’m thinking about her.
I’m sorry. I can’t.”
Natalie leaned back, her Þ ngers slowly stroking Dev’s arm. “Don’t worry. You
won’t be thinking about her when you’re with me.” She
• 182 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
smiled, a slow, lazy, conÞ dent smile. “I know it, and one of these days, you’re
going to know it too.” She leaned close again and nipped at Dev’s chin, then
kissed the spot she’d bitten. “And when you do, Dev, I’ll be waiting. And I
promise you a night you’ll never forget.”
Dev laughed, but her eyes were serious. “It doesn’t bother you?
Knowing the way I feel about Les?”
“Of course it bothers me,” Natalie said, her eyes blazing. “It bothers me a hell of
a lot that you’re so torn up. And it bothers me that I want you to distraction and
can’t have you. Yet.” She blew out a breath.
“But I can be patient. And I’ve got you for the whole summer.”
• 183 •
• 184 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
When Leslie walked into the lodge the next morning, Dev and Natalie were
having breakfast in the dining room. Natalie wore her park uniform, and Leslie
wondered if she had brought it with her the night before or had gone home
sometime in the evening. The rain had Þ nally stopped just before dawn, but it
wouldn’t have been an enjoyable walk back to the parking lot last night. Natalie
probably stayed with Dev. In the tiny cabin. With only one bed. Leslie gritted
her teeth, shook her head no when Dev gestured to the empty chair at their
table, and pushed through into the kitchen.
The cook they’d hired was cleaning up after breakfast, and Leslie could hear
her mother and father talking out on the screened-in porch.
She poured a cup of coffee and joined them.
“Hi, Mom. Hi, Daddy. How are you feeling?”
“Like a turtle ß ipped over on its back in the middle of the Northway,” her
father grumped. His crutches were propped against the chair, where he sat with
his casted leg supported on an embroidered footstool that looked barely
capable of supporting the weight. “I can’t get down to the dock on these
crutches, especially not after all this rain.”
“Is there anything you need me to do?” Leslie asked, leaning her hip against the
end of the couch and sipping her coffee. “I’m going to bring the boat in this
morning.”
“That should be Þ ne,” her father said. “We’ll make arrangements for someone
to take guests out and back the rest of the summer.” He glanced at Eileen, then
at Leslie. “The doctors said eight weeks in this damn cast.”
• 185 •
RADCLY fFE
“Eight weeks, minimum,” her mother interjected. “You can’t rush these things,
Paul.”
“I was wondering, Les,” he said hesitantly, “if you might be able to come up
Labor Day weekend and give your mother a hand closing up.”
“I can handle it, Paul,” Eileen said, a hint of reproach in her voice.
“Leslie’s busy enough with her own work. I don’t want her to think she’s going
to need to work here every time she comes home.”
When Leslie thought of how much went into the end of the season closing, her Þ
rst reaction was to beg off, pleading too full a schedule.
The cabins and all the rooms would need to be inventoried and items marked
for replacement or repair, the boathouse would have to be winterized, and the
boat and equipment overhauled in preparation for dry-docking, just for starters.
Supervising the process, let alone doing it, was an enormous load. Still, it was
going to be a rough summer for her mother, and no matter how much extra help
she hired, there were some things that couldn’t be left to employees. She really
should come home to help. And Dev had said she’d be here all summer. That
fact made the decision easy.
“I’ll come. It’s no problem.” Leslie knew it was crazy to come back while Dev
was here, especially since she’d already decided to leave right after the Fourth
of July celebration just so she wouldn’t have to see Dev anymore. But she
couldn’t help herself. Whenever she thought of going back to Manhattan, back
to her life, she felt both relief and sorrow. She was comfortable—more than
comfortable, she was satisÞ ed with the life she’d made for herself. It would be
good to immerse herself in work again. Not to be constantly assaulted by conß
icting desires. Not to be faced with the guilt of wanting Dev so desperately. But
when she imagined actually leaving, of never seeing Dev again, she wanted to
cry. By Labor Day, she’d have control of her life again. She’d be able to see
Dev and put their relationship—their friendship—into perspective. Yes, it would
be much better that way.
“It’ll be fun.”
Eileen laughed. “Then you don’t remember what it’s like very well.”
“It’s funny, being home makes some things feel like yesterday.”
Leslie smiled and shook her head. “I’d better go see if Ranger Natalie is ready
to ferry me out to the island.”
“See you later, honey,” her father said.
• 186 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
“I’m going to go into the ofÞ ce later this morning, Mom. I probably won’t be
home for dinner.” In fact, Leslie thought, she intended to spend as little time as
possible around the lodge until she was ready to leave.
The less she saw of Dev the better.
v
“You really ought to try the pizza at Iannucci’s,” Natalie said, pushing her
breakfast plate aside. “The crust is amazing. I’ll pick one up for you tonight.”
“I’m probably going to be at the lab pretty late,” Dev said.
“So I’ll bring it by.”
“You don’t need to do that.”
“I want to.” Natalie’s eyes narrowed ever so slightly and Dev followed her gaze.
Leslie, carrying an armload of laundry, was on her way over to their table.
“Thanks for the loan of the clothes, Dev,” Leslie said, depositing the washed
and folded sweatshirt and jeans on the empty chair next to Dev.
“You’re welcome.” Dev watched Leslie study Natalie with an inscrutable
expression, and wondered if Leslie suspected that Natalie had spent the night.
She felt foolish for wanting Leslie to know that Natalie had slept on the couch
again. What could it possibly matter?
“Ready to hit the water?” Natalie said, smiling at Leslie.
“Sure. Can’t wait.”
Natalie laughed and rose. She brushed a hand over Dev’s shoulders.
“I’ll be by with that pizza delivery.”
“I’ll walk you out,” Dev said. She picked up her briefcase and clean clothes.
“I’m heading into the lab now.”
Once outside, Dev took the turn to the parking lot while Leslie and Natalie
continued on down to the dock. Dev waited a minute before getting into the
truck, watching the two women cast off. Natalie, dark and petite, Leslie lithe
and blond. Both bright, both accomplished, both beautiful. She enjoyed
Natalie’s conÞ dence, her laugh, her sudden ß ashes of authority. But looking at
Natalie didn’t make her burn the way seeing Leslie did. Leslie’s smile had lit the
path through some of her darkest nights, and she’d lain down to sleep countless
times with the sound of Leslie’s laughter ringing in her heart. Now she had the
memory of Leslie in her arms, and for a while at least, whether she
• 187 •
RADCLY fFE
wanted it or not, there wasn’t room for anyone else. Maybe when Leslie was
gone, and the dreams Þ nally died, there would be.
When Leslie turned in Dev’s direction, one hand shading her eyes in the hazy
glare of a Þ tful dawn, Dev gave a start. Although Leslie was too far away for
their eyes to meet, Dev felt the tug of connection nevertheless. When the boat
pulled away from the dock with Natalie at the wheel, Leslie settled onto one of
the benches. She wrapped her arm around a cleat and faced forward, hair
blowing in the wind. Even as the sound of the engine died and the boat
disappeared like a candle winking out, Dev could still feel Leslie’s presence.
Someday soon that link would be gone, and she wondered if she would rejoice
or bleed.
v
Three days later Dev stood in almost exactly the same spot, watching Leslie’s
mother climb the hill from the boathouse toward her.
It was Saturday afternoon on the Fourth of July and the weather had not
disappointed. It was hot, and it was going to be hotter by nightfall in the
boathouse. She could see from where she stood that all the windows had been
opened. The large wooden frames swung out over the water on either side of
the green rectangular building like rows of dominoes.
The huge double doors that opened onto a concrete ramp leading from the
water had been rolled back, probably in the hope of creating some crossventilation.
Eileen was waving to her, so Dev, carrying her briefcase, walked to
meet her at the top of the path.
“Hello, stranger,” Eileen said, brushing a damp tendril of hair from her cheek. “I
haven’t seen you since the morning after the storm.”
“I had a lot of catching up to do at the lab,” Dev said, which was true. It was
also a convenient way to avoid running into Leslie.
She’d been leaving for the lab before six in the morning and returning well after
ten every night. On her way, she grabbed coffee and a bagel at the roadside
mini-mart that had once been her parents’ store, and ordered take-out delivered
to the lab for dinner. Natalie had shown up as promised with pizza one night, but
she’d been busy too, with the holiday weekend looming, and Dev hadn’t seen
her since. All in all, Dev had managed to be at Lakeview only long enough to
sleep. And for at least half of every day she managed not to think about Leslie.
“Leslie’s been saying the same thing about work.” Eileen fell into
• 188 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
step with Dev up the gravel path toward the lodge. “She’s been at her ofÞ ce
every day from sunup until I don’t know when. I’ve missed you two at
mealtime.”
“Sorry,” Dev said.
“No need to apologize. I understand you’ve both got a lot to do.”
Eileen halted where the path branched off to the cabins. “I hope you’re coming
down to the party tonight. All of the guests will be there and quite a few of the
locals too.”
“Well, uh…” Dev gazed off over the trees toward the lake. She hadn’t intended
to come. “I might drop by for a few minutes. I’m not much of a party person.”
Eileen laughed. “Well, I hope you do. Are you still planning on staying with us
through Labor Day?”
“Yes,” Dev said, frowning. “Is that a problem?”
“Oh no, not at all.” Eileen smiled. “I’ll see you tonight, Dev.”
Dev waved goodbye and continued on toward her cabin.
Somehow, she wasn’t even surprised when she saw Leslie coming toward her.
It didn’t seem to be possible to avoid her, even when she tried. Not when they
were anywhere near each other. In a ß ash, she took in Leslie’s tailored tan
slacks, her pale silk blouse, the sandals with just a bit of a heel. Her blond
waves fell just to her collarbones, where gold glinted at her throat. Even from
thirty feet away, Dev could tell she had dressed for someone special, and the
realization struck her like a Þ st.
“Hello, Les,” Dev said as they both slowed to face one another.
“Devon,” Leslie said quietly. She had known today would be difÞ cult; in fact,
the next twenty-four hours were likely to be the hardest of any she’d
experienced in years. Rachel was coming, and she wasn’t certain she was
prepared to see her. Dev was still here, and that would make it all the more difÞ
cult. But she’d had plenty of practice in difÞ cult situations, where the slightest
misstep or wrong word could be disastrous. So she’d showered and dressed
and prepared herself as she always did before any kind of confrontation. Her
shields were up, her emotions tucked away. When she’d left her cabin, she’d
known she was ready. And still, the sight of Dev coming toward her in jeans and
a blue button-down-collar cotton shirt had set her heart racing. She knew the
rush of pleasure at seeing Dev didn’t show, and she was glad.
“Recovered from the storm?”
“Oh. Sure. I…” Dev ran a hand through her hair and gave a rueful smile. “I
never was good at small talk.”
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