When I Break

Chapter Thirteen

Knox

I held open the door for McKenna and we entered the small diner just blocks from the shelter. It was already after four, and after skipping breakfast and lunch, I was starving. Of course when I’d set out this morning to find McKenna, I hadn’t known I was signing up for an all-day volunteer activity.

I asked the hostess for a table for two and noticed her gaze flicker between me and McKenna. Did she think we were here on a date? Shit, were we on a date? I never did things like this—take a girl out to eat. Even if it was just to a crappy diner. I hadn’t done anything like this in years. Mostly because of the boys. I felt only mildly guilty about not being home when they got home from school. Something told me they’d approve of my being with McKenna, though.

McKenna surprised me by asking for a box of crayons at the hostess station. Then we slid into a squeaky leather booth and McKenna accepted her menu, smiling at me.

“What?” I asked.

“Thanks for helping today.” She flipped over her place mat and began doodling on the back in purple crayon. The girl continued to surprise me.

I sensed that something between us had changed today. I’d shown her a different side of myself and put us on more equal footing. It wasn’t what I had planned for my one day off from work this week, but I was glad I’d stayed and helped her. I couldn’t imagine her doing all that alone today; she’d still be there. I knew people gave their time and resources to causes that were important to them, and I’ll admit, it had felt good to give back today, but either McKenna had the soul of a saint, or her need to serve was something different.

“What drives you to volunteer, McKenna?”

Looking up from coloring, she chewed on her lower lip. “It’s just what I do. I spend pretty much every free minute at the homeless shelter.”

“You do this to avoid being at home?” If that dickhead Brian was making her uncomfortable, I’d head right over there and handle it.

“Not exactly. More like to fill my time. I don’t like being alone with too much time to think. It’s just…not good for me.”

I wondered what worries could possibly be weighing on her mind. “What are you running from?”

She went back to coloring and I realized I didn’t know much about this beautiful girl who sat in front of me. She grabbed the brown crayon and drew a two-story house, coloring in the windows with blue curtains, and then drew three stick figures in front of the house. On one of them she colored long dark brown hair and blue eyes, and I realized she was drawing me something from her childhood.

I watched her in silence, wondering if she was trying to give me a clue about her life. The thought of someone harming her rose the hairs on the back of my neck. Before she finished her drawing, the waitress delivered our orders—a salad and soup for her, and a burger for me. Setting her drawing aside for the moment, we dug into the food in silence, the weight of our conversation still hanging over us.

McKenna picked at her salad, using the tines of her fork to push a cherry tomato around the plate.

“What’s on your mind?” I asked, wiping my mouth on the napkin.

Pretty blue eyes pierced mine as she hesitated to answer.

“Say it, angel.”

“When I met you…I don’t know. I could feel your pain and knew you’d experienced more than your fair share of trauma too. I felt connected to you.”

I knew what she meant, but that didn’t mean I wanted to encourage her attachment to me. I would only end up hurting and disappointing her. Even if I did everything in my power not to, that was my track record with women.

I pushed my plate away, my appetite all but vanishing. “McKenna, I’m not going to deny that we have a connection. We do.”

“But?” she supplied, a trace of sarcasm in her voice.

“But…I fuck random girls. I use them for sex. I’m not a good guy. You shouldn’t be so nice to me.”

“You’ve made bad choices. You’ve messed up. But you’re not a bad guy. I see the way you are with your brothers, and attending group, that’s your way of trying to get better. You’re not going to scare me off so easily, Knox.”

My participation in her little meetings was practically court-mandated, and honestly, the only reason I’d continued going was because of my attraction to her. The waitress appeared again, this time to collect our half-eaten meals.

“Will you tell me more about how this all started,” she asked.

“What do you want to know?”

She shrugged, looking down at the vinyl-covered table. “Whatever you want to share.”

McKenna passed me the box of crayons and I chuckled, flipping over my own place mat to the blank white side. “Is this some type of counseling technique, drawing out your feelings?”

“No.” She laughed, her tone light. “I just like to color.”

I plucked a crayon from the box, noticing it was pink. But I wouldn’t complain about the choice in color. If this was what she wanted, I would try to get in touch with my softer side. I wasn’t ready to tell her everything, but after the day we’d shared—scrubbing shit off cots—I felt more open with her than anyone else.

“When my dad left, everything fell on me. I got a part-time job and took care of the boys. It would have been easier to drop out of school and get a full-time job, but I was set on finishing up my senior year. I knew I needed to graduate or I’d never be able to really provide for them.”

I scribbled something on the paper in front of me, not really paying attention to what I was drawing. “All week I went to school, worked, put food on the table, and at night, I made sure homework got done, supervised bath time, enforced rules and curfews. And I had to put up with strange looks at parent-teacher conferences and doctors’ appointments. Eventually I applied for legal guardianship.”

McKenna’s eyes stayed downcast on her own page, which made opening up easier somehow. She passed me another crayon, green this time, and I continued drawing – little crooked designs that made no sense but seemed to calm me.

“By the time Saturday night rolled around, I’d wait until the boys were in bed and I’d go down the road to the corner bar, where they never carded, and grab a few beers to relax. Then I’d find a pretty girl to sink into to forget my troubles.” There was more, but I wasn’t ready to talk about it.

McKenna sucked in a deep breath, temporarily pausing in her drawing.

I wouldn’t sugarcoat this. If she wanted in, I would let her see the true me, faults and all.

“I did what was expected of me. I take care of my brothers, pay the bills, follow up on homework. But at night, after everyone goes to bed, the emptiness and loneliness become too much. I need relief and that’s how I seek it.”

McKenna

I couldn’t believe he was telling me all this. In group, he was all penetrating gazes and silent intensity. But one-on-one, he was making himself vulnerable to me. I was straddling the line between being me—a regular girl who was interested in a guy, and a counselor who wanted to help him heal. I had no idea which one of us would win out.

Knox slapped a few bills down on the table, enough to cover both our meals.

“I can pay for myself.” I reached inside my purse for my wallet.

“Next time.”

I didn’t know if there would be a next time, but I nodded. “Okay.”

“Should we go?”

“Sure.” I rose from the booth and stretched, my back straightening reluctantly. I smiled, realizing I would sleep well tonight from the day’s manual labor.

I figured Knox was going to drive me straight home after we ate, but he surprised me by asking if I would go somewhere with him. I blindly agreed without knowing our destination. When he pulled to a stop in front of a deserted playground, I waited, unsure of what we were doing here.

“Come on. This place has the best slide in the world.”

I watched in fascination as he climbed from the Jeep and headed toward the playground. I’d never seen him in a mood so playful and carefree. He was captivating.

“Knox! Wait up,” I called, jogging behind him. He sat down on a swing and I joined him, each of us toeing the gravel to gain momentum.

He looked lost in his thoughts, and though there were a million questions I wanted to ask him, I waited, letting him enjoy the quiet moment he seemed to be having. We swung side by side, looking out at the park.

“I haven’t been here in almost twenty years,” he said finally. “I must have been about three when my mother worked in this part of town. She used to drop me off at this Russian lady’s house while she went to work. Sometimes after work when she picked me up, we’d come here before going home.”

I realized with Jaxon being four years younger, Knox would have been an only child at that time. It was sweet that he had memories of just him and his mom. I wondered if thinking of her made him sad, like it did for me. We sat in silence, swinging until the sky was growing pink with the impending sunset.

“So is that the famous slide?” I asked, tipping my head toward the monstrosity.

There didn’t appear to be anything special about it. It was an old rusted-out metal slide, but I could tell in Knox’s mind, it was somewhere sacred he’d built fond memories with his mom. And I wouldn’t question it. I had my own version of this slide built up in my mind too.

“That’s her.” He smiled.

“Well, I’ve gotta try this out.” I hopped off my swing in the middle of its upward arc and ventured toward the rusty contraption. “Are you sure this thing is safe?” I climbed up the bottom rung of the ladder and stopped, testing my weight.

He shrugged. “Should be fine as long as you’re up-to-date on your tetanus shot.”

Scampering up the ladder before I chickened out, I plopped my butt down so I was perched at the top, my legs stretched out in front of me. Knox positioned himself below me at the bottom of the slide, and grinned up at me playfully.

“Come on down, I’ll catch you.”

I pushed myself forward, expecting to slide down easily. Instead, my jeans rubbed against the dull metal and I scooted about two inches. We both cracked up laughing. “That was anticlimactic.” With gravity proving to be no help, I used my feet to pull my pull myself down, scurrying the entire length of the slide until I came to an unsatisfying stop in front of Knox.

“It was better when I was three.” He extended a hand and I accepted, letting him pull me to my feet.

“Such a letdown,” I joked, nudging my shoulder with his.

“Hmm.” His eyes lazily traveled over me. “I’ll make it up to you.”

“Oh yeah? How?”

He pointed across the street from the park. “See that coffee shop?” I nodded, and he said, “I’ll buy you a hot chocolate.”

“Deal.”

While we sipped hot cocoa at a little café table, Knox called home once again to check on the boys. I loved how dedicated he was to them. It almost made me feel a little guilty for hogging him all day. But there was no denying I’d enjoyed today immensely.

“I have something to tell you,” he said.

“What is it?” I waited, breathless. Anytime Knox let me in was a small win.

“My test results came today.”

“And? Did you open them?”

He nodded, smiling crookedly. “I’m clean.”

Wow. “That’s amazing news.” A contented little sigh escaped my lips.

“I’m glad you made me do it.”

It was the little moments like this that made my job so rewarding. Knox wouldn’t have gone on his own, and I was happy that I was the one to encourage him. I was even happier at the results.

I drank my hot chocolate slowly, savoring it, almost like I was afraid to take the last sip because it meant our day together would be over. As it neared time to leave, both of us grew quiet as the easy mood from earlier all but evaporated. I remembered what Knox said about the night, and I prayed he wasn’t planning on going out to one of his usual haunts to pick up a woman. That thought crushed me.

“You okay?” he asked, setting down his own cup as if he sensed my somber mood.

“Fine,” I lied.

“I should take you home.” He might have voiced the words, but his body language wasn’t on board. He was leaning toward me, his elbows on the table and his gaze piercing mine.

“Okay,” I breathed. It was dark outside, nearly eight at night. Logic told me I should probably go home, even if the rest of me didn’t want to.

As we neared my apartment, a feeling of sadness settled over me. It had been a magical day. I’d expected to work at the shelter all day and then go home to have dinner with Brian. Oops. I’d forgotten all about dinner with Bri. I’d just tell him my work at the shelter ran late. Never mind this glow to my cheeks and lightheartedness from spending the day with Knox.

Rather than just dropping me off at the curb, Knox switched the ignition off and walked me to the door. We stood together under the little yellow porch light, watching each other. I couldn’t help glancing at his full lips and wondering if they’d taste like chocolate.

Knox shoved his hands into his pockets. He was stalling. Neither of us was ready to say good night.

“McKenna, I—”

Before Knox could finish whatever it was he was going to say, the door flew open and Brian stood between us, fuming. His eyes flashed from me to Knox and back again. Something told me he wasn’t pissed that I’d missed dinner; it was finding me here with Knox that had him on edge.

I shoved past them into the foyer of the apartment. “Geez, Bri, relax. I’m sorry I missed dinner.” I tossed my purse onto the counter and felt a pang of guilt seeing the plate of food he’d prepared and covered in plastic wrap for me.

“Where have you been?” Brian shouted, coming in behind me.

Knox bit out a curse, his posture stiffening as he stepped in front of me protectively. “She was with me. What’s the problem?”

“The problem?” Brian crossed the room to stand directly in front of Knox. He was a fraction shorter and with much less definition in his arms and chest, but you wouldn’t know it by the way he was puffing his chest out, acting like a caged gorilla. “The problem is that I know what you are. I saw you at that meeting.”

“What I am? And what’s that?” Knox asked, casually taking a step closer.

“Not good enough for her.” Brian tipped his head toward me.

“And someone like you is? Why don’t you let McKenna decide that for herself?”

“I’ve been protecting this girl from cocky assholes like you for years, and I’m not about to stop now.”

“Brian!” I hissed through clenched teeth. I wouldn’t have him insulting Knox.

Knox dropped his head back, looking up at the ceiling, and let out a short bark of laughter. “You want her for yourself.”

Brian lunged at Knox, pushing both hands against his chest in a hard shove. Knox staggered two steps back into our living room.

“Be sure you want this.” Knox’s hands curled into fists at his sides, and my insides twisted violently. “McKenna?” Knox’s narrowed eyes found mine. “Go to your room.”

No way was I going in my room just then. They weren’t actually going to fight over me, were they?

Brian rushed forward again and Knox sidestepped him, instinctively drawing him farther away from where I stood rooted in place, my jaw hanging open. Brian wasn’t violent; he wasn’t a fighter. Not even in high school when most boys had raging teenage hormones, he was calm and in control. But I’d also never seen that vein throbbing in his forehead.

“You know why she’s with you, don’t you?” Brian taunted. “She’s a fixer. Always has been. Adopting stray dogs from the shelter, stopping to help wildlife cross the road, befriending the new kids at school…that’s all this is. You’re a problem”—he poked a provoking finger into Knox’s chest—“that she wants to fix.”

Knox’s gaze flashed to mine and Brian took that split-second distraction to haul back and land a punch in the center of Knox’s cheek.

I winced as the contact threw Knox’s head back.

Not wasting a second, Knox rushed Brian, knocking him to the floor and landing several punishing hits to his face and body.

“Stop! You guys, stop it!” I clawed desperately at Knox’s shoulders, trying to dislodge him from where he held Brian captive. Brian landed a quick hit to Knox’s nose, sending blood pouring from both nostrils. Frightened, I cowered on the floor, scrambling backward on hands and knees as big soggy tears rolled down my cheeks.

Both men caught their breath, their fight seemingly over. Knox’s eyes met mine and I read his expression as clear as if he’d voiced the words. I’m sorry.

His shoulders down and his gaze fixed on the floor, Knox left, closing the door quietly behind him. There was something about the way he’d shut the door that stuck with me. Had he slammed it closed, I would have felt better. I would understand his anger. He was just attacked verbally and physically in my apartment by my roommate. His careful exit felt like defeat. Not a physical defeat—he could have taken Brian—I saw that in the power of his punches when he had Brian pinned down. No, it was more like he knew he’d lost me before we’d even started anything, and he was quietly walking away and letting Brian win.

The thought didn’t sit well with me. I wanted him to fight for me, to pull me from this corner and wipe my tears, tell me that no one and nothing would keep us apart. But he hadn’t. It was all a twisted little fantasy. Knox didn’t feel for me the way I did for him.

I remembered the way blood had erupted from his nose, and wondered if he was okay to drive home. Sheesh, I hadn’t even offered to help him, given him a tissue, apologized for the brutal way my roommate had behaved. Knox had been nothing but a gentleman all day, and he deserved none of what Brian delivered.

“McKenna.” Brian stood over me, hands on his hips. “I know you want me to apologize—”

“Save it, Brian.” I leaped to my feet and grabbed my purse from the counter, slamming the apartment door behind me.

When I arrived at Knox’s place, all was quiet and dark. The front door was unlocked and I let myself in, not wanting to wake anyone who might be asleep. A lamp glowed softly next to the couch, but no one was around, on the first floor at least. I crept up the creaking staircase, my fingers grazing the wooden banister as I headed to the attic.

It was dark and silent on the third floor too, and I wondered if Knox was asleep. It had been almost an hour since he’d left my apartment, thanks to the city bus schedule, and it was entirely possible he was already asleep in bed. The thought of finding him, shirtless and stretched out on the mattress, sent a little thrill through me. I promised myself I wouldn’t ogle him. Okay, maybe just for a second I’d allow myself to appreciate the view. Then I’d wake him and check on his injuries. See if he needed anything and apologize for my psycho roommate.

Tiptoeing across the creaky wooden floor, I felt like an intruder. I’d probably scare him half to death. “Knox,” I whispered loudly. “It’s me.” The room was so dark, I couldn’t even tell if there was movement from under the covers. “Knox?” I flipped on the lamp beside the small couch for light. Glancing up, I realized his bed was empty. Knox wasn’t here.

Realization struck like a whack to the side of the head. He’d gone out. After spending all day bonding with me, showing me a sweet side to him by working at the shelter, he’d still chosen to go out. I didn’t want to jump to conclusions, but really, what other possibilities were there? It was late and his brothers were asleep. He’d told me himself, this was how he operated. I just thought I’d be the one to get through to him, and it stung knowing that my efforts hadn’t made one bit of difference.

I sat down on his bed, hating myself for how betrayed I felt. It wasn’t fair to Knox. He was in treatment. He was bound to mess up now and then, and tonight with Brian had probably been a trigger for him. I knew he didn’t handle stress well—that he turned straight to sex. What had I really expected when he left my apartment looking broken and defeated?

And it had nothing to do with being outmatched by Brian. I’d seen the restraint Knox displayed, the tension in his shoulders as he held himself back from doing any real damage. He’d spared Brian, and the only reason could have possibly been because of me. Because of my friendship with Bri.

I remained on Knox’s bed waiting for him. I would wait all night if I had to; I needed to make things right between us. When my eyes grew droopy, I lay down, curling on my side against his pillow.

The sounds of running water and rustling coming from the hallway woke me. I crawled from bed, groggy and wondering what time it was. Since I was pretty sure only Knox used the bathroom on the third floor, I tapped my knuckles against the door. “Knox?”

“Not now, McKenna,” Knox grumbled from inside.

No way was I letting him patch up Brian’s handiwork alone. “I’m coming in.” I pushed the door open and entered the tiny steam-filled bathroom. Blinking through the vapors, I found him slumped on the floor, his head hanging in his hands.

He stared up at me with unfocused eyes. “What are you doing here?” he slurred.

“Have you been drinking?”

He chuckled. “No, officer.”

“Knox, this isn’t funny. You’re wasted. Did you drive home like this?”

“Relax. People get drunk, and no, I walked home.”

“Where did you go?” I assumed it was somewhere local, since he’d walked home, but I was too afraid to ask my real question—What did you do?

“I went out. Had a few drinks.” He shrugged.

“And?” I probed. I had to know; even if it crushed me.

“And I picked up a girl, and I couldn’t even fuck her. Is that what you wanted to hear?”

My breath stuttered.

He pushed his hands into his hair, tangling it in disarray. “Your sad blue eyes wouldn’t leave my brain. I couldn’t stop comparing your subtle feminine scent to her harsh perfume. Your touchable soft waves to her too-stiff curls.” Looking up to meet my eyes, confusion and distress was written all over his features. “I don’t know what you’ve done to me. You’ve gotten inside my head, fucked with who I am.” The pain and anguish in his eyes hit me straight in the chest.

Part of me felt proud—I’d actually gotten through to him. But most of me felt sad. Knowing I affected him just as much as he affected me was harrowing. And I’d never seen him so devastated and needy. It tugged at something deep inside me.

The pull between us was too strong. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could hold out. “I just came to make sure you were okay,” I choked out.

“I’m fine. Let me drive you home.” He rose to his feet.

“You’re in no condition to drive.” And if there was one thing I couldn’t tolerate, it was drunk drivers. Not after the way I’d lost my parents.

“Suit yourself. I’m going to shower then.” With the water still running he began undressing, right there in front of me.

I slammed my eyes shut. Oh God. Knox. Naked. My heart banged against my ribs. I should turn around and march out of this bathroom, but my feet were frozen in place.

The shower door opened and Knox cursed as he stepped under what I assumed was scalding hot water. “What are you still doing here, McKenna?” he asked several moments later.

I peeked open one eye, and then the other. Knox stood in the small glass-enclosed shower stall underneath the spray of water, not even bothering to try to cover himself. He was beautiful. All male with sculpted muscles and rugged good looks. He had a dusting of dark hair in all the places a man should, but I forced my eyes up, not wanting to wander any lower than his defined abs and completely visually molest him.

“I-I came to help.” To take care of you. I swallowed the thick lump in my throat and when I met his dark gaze, something inside me snapped. Without thinking, I pushed open the shower door and was suddenly under that warm spray of water with him. My hands stroked his cheek where it was already swelling, and my fingers pushed into his hair to soothe him. It was my fault he’d gotten hurt and therefore my responsibility to comfort him. Not that being so near him, enveloped in his heat, was any great burden. I felt more alive than ever before under his dark gaze.

“Kenna,” he groaned, his eyes falling closed. The tortured cry of my name on his parted lips was the sweetest sound. He stepped closer until our bodies were flush together, brushing at the tops of our thighs, our abdomens, our chests. My heart slammed against my rib cage at the contact. He was pure male heat and my body responded greedily.

Desire raced through my veins, heating me from the inside out. I knew this was a bad idea—the worst. Knox was drunk and I was… I didn’t know what I was, only that I’d never felt this way before, and I wasn’t about to give it up.

We were so close his forehead rested against mine and his lips were just millimeters away from where I wanted them. I’d never wanted anything more than this kiss. We’d been unconsciously building toward this moment since the first time I’d laid eyes on this sinful man. My body knew then what my head could not.

“Kiss me,” I whispered.

“And what if I can’t stop?” he murmured, his lips brushing against mine.

Pure carnal need like I’d never experienced before shot through me. In that moment, nothing mattered but Knox’s hot mouth on mine. “Then don’t.”

Our mouths were so close that we shared each breath. I breathed him in with each inhalation I drew. The only sounds were my thumping heartbeat crashing in my ears and the spray of water cascading down on us.

His male firmness pressed against my belly and my breath stuck in my throat. Struggling to breathe, my chest heaved with the effort and brushed against his bare chest. His hands found the hem of my shirt and he lifted the garment up and over my head, slinging the wet fabric to the shower floor where it landed with a smack.

I waited, breathless, to see what he would do. His lips delicately whispered against mine, sending little tingles radiating from my parted lips all the way down to the long-neglected ache in my core. Feelings I’d never known, sensations long dormant, suddenly raged within me, lighting me up from head to toe. I felt awake, fully present for the first time.

I noticed everything, his tender mouth barely brushing mine, the way his dark, hooded eyes roamed from my lips down to the top of my breasts, the way his bare chest glistened in the steam, the tiny water droplets that clung to his eyelashes, and most of all, I noticed my body. I’d never felt more sexual than I did in that moment, standing there in a soaking wet pair of jeans and white bra that was now see-through.

His lips brushed mine a second time and a tiny groan escaped my throat. I’d never imagined he’d be so tender, and the wait was killing me. Knox’s mouth came down against me, his warm tongue lightly touching my bottom lip. I opened to accommodate him as my heart rioted in my chest. That little encouragement was all he needed. His mouth pressed hard against mine, his tongue rhythmically stroking, teasing me in the most intimate way. When my tongue matched his, the sensations sent me spiraling out of control.

I lifted up on my toes, wrapping my arms around his strong shoulders, needing something sturdy to ground me. I’d never been kissed like this.

Knox

She tasted like sunshine and candy and fucking perfection. I was fighting with myself to go slow, but temptation whispered in my ear, telling me I could have her.

She’d shown up here out of the blue, looking at my bruised cheek like she was the one in pain. It had been a long damn time since I’d been babied, but hell if it didn’t feel good. I wanted to feel her soft hands on me, feel her pretty blue eyes caress me like I was someone worthy. But even as my tongue played with hers, my dick rock hard and aching, my fingers itched to touch her, to unclasp her bra and push her jeans down her legs. As the alcohol started to clear from my foggy brain, I knew I needed to slow this down.

I shut off the water and stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around my hips and tossing another at McKenna. “Dry off.”

Her wide eyes flew to mine, questioning, hurting, but I headed to my room. Dressing quickly in a pair of boxer briefs and jeans, I grabbed a T-shirt and sweatpants for McKenna. They wouldn’t fit, but at least she’d have something dry to cover herself with.

That part was critical. My willpower was hanging by a thread.

I tossed the clothes on the end of the bed and turned to see McKenna barefoot and wrapped in a thin white towel across from me. The straps of her wet bra were still peeking over her shoulders.

She dropped her gaze to the floor. “I’m sorry I came.”

I crossed the room, fighting the urge to take her in my arms again. “I’m not.”

Her face lifted, her eyes full of questions and shimmering with unshed tears. “But you just left me in there…”

“Because I won’t take advantage of you.”

“You weren’t,” she whispered, her voice husky.

Christ, she was killing me and she didn’t even know it. “I fuck up everything I touch. If you’re smart, you’ll leave.”

She stepped closer. “I must not be very smart then.”

Never in my life had I thought so hard about a kiss, but this was McKenna. She wasn’t a girl to use once and throw away. She struck a beautiful balance of being both vulnerable and strong.

I knew I shouldn’t, that I should dress her and drive her home, but hell, I wanted to taste her sweet lips again. Fuck, I wanted to taste a lot more than that. She was all I’d thought about all night. Cupping her jaw in both hands, I pressed my mouth to hers, trying to be careful, slow, like she needed. But then she was lifting up on her toes and pushing her fingers into my hair, clawing at me to get closer, and I went instantly hard.

When my tongue touched hers again, I stifled a groan. She was like crack cocaine and I wanted more. Wrapping my arms around her to secure her body to mine, the towel around her opened and fell away.

I wanted to admire her gorgeous body, but that would require lifting my mouth from hers and that wasn’t an option. I used my hands to explore while my tongue stroked hers. One hand roughly cupping the curve of her ass, and with the other I trailed my fingertips down her thigh.

Her breathing stuttered and I braced my thigh between her legs to support her. She began rubbing herself against me, her damp panties dragging over my thigh again and again.

“Can I touch you?” I asked against her lips.

“Yes,” she breathed.

Cupping the generous weight of her breasts in my hands, my thumbs grazed the peaks, which instantly hardened and puckered under my touch. McKenna let out a soft little murmur. The sound sent a jab of lust straight to my balls. My erection was straining against my jeans, barely secured under the waistband, and I took a deep breath, fighting for control.

Still riding my leg, seeking friction between us, McKenna let out a frustrated groan.

She needed more, but I couldn’t let us go too far. “Can I touch you over your panties?”

Wide eyes met mine and she nodded slowly. Her look was pure trust and adoration. She was giving me the keys to the kingdom, and I wasn’t going to waste this chance. I would make this good for her.

I didn’t want to ask her if I could remove them, afraid she’d say yes, and that I’d take things too far. Besides, the little scrap of fabric wouldn’t prevent me from taking care of her. Securing my left arm around her waist to hold her against me, I let my right hand trail down her belly. Little goose bumps erupted over her flesh and her breathing became erratic and much too fast. I loved watching her reactions to even the simplest of touches, although we both knew where my hand was headed, and it wasn’t someplace innocent. I wanted to watch her come, to hear her stutter out my name as she gasped for oxygen.

My fingers met the hem of basic white cotton panties and continued lower, past the top of her pubic bone until I felt her warm, damp center. Finding the right spot, I caressed the little nub in circular motions and went back to kissing her, moving my tongue in time with my fingers so I could imagine it was the tip of my tongue swirling against her clit over and over. McKenna’s hips bucked against my hand and her head dropped back. I sucked and kissed her throat as incoherent mumbles fell from her lips.

Her fingernails bit into my shoulders, and she sucked in a breath and held it as her body built toward release. Passion burned inside me and I longed to take her to my bed, lay her down and sink inside her warm body. But for once this wasn’t about my release, it was all about McKenna, and watching her come apart was the most erotic sight of my life. She bit her lip, her eyes closed, and her pulse fluttered in her neck. She was beautiful. I continued stroking her most sensitive spot over her panties until I felt her body clenching, preparing for climax.

I held her, kissing her, pleasuring her until she was quivering with her release. She let out a loud gasp and her breath stuttered. Her eyes fell closed and she breathed my name again and again as she came apart in my arms. I held her while little tremors raced through her body, making her shiver.

After several moments she blinked up at me.

“Hi,” I offered.

“Hi,” she answered, still breathless.

“I set out some dry clothes for you.” I tipped my head toward the bed and released her.

She nodded and crossed the room to grab them off the bed, then headed into the bathroom to change. Even after what we’d just done, she wasn’t going to change in front of me. She was surprisingly modest for someone who’d just gotten off riding my hand.

I killed the lights, then crawled under the covers and waited.

Soon McKenna was wandering toward me in the dark. Even the lack of light couldn’t hide the healthy glow I’d put in her cheeks.

She lay down beside me, curling into a ball so that we lay facing each other. We were both quiet, likely both processing what had happened between us tonight. We just lay there watching each other in the dim light.

I had no idea how many laws or rules I’d broken getting it on with my sex addiction counselor, and I didn’t want to know. I’d done a whole lot of sexy shit over the years, but I’d never had anything get me as hot as what I just did with McKenna.

The anticipation of it, knowing how hard I’ve had to work to win her over these past several weeks, getting her to trust me and let go. It felt huge, and I was happy. Leaving her panties in place like that and watching her writhe against my fingers, knowing she was soaking wet and ready for me, it made me wonder how good she tasted, how pink she would be, and it had made me so hard.

And the craziest thing was, I didn’t want to rush her. I mean, yeah, I wanted to pull her panties down her legs, but in a way, I didn’t. I liked that next time there would be more for us to discover.

I was going slow with a girl. And I liked it.

McKenna

The shower and our little post-shower activities had seemed to sober Knox up. He lay there quietly watching me, his eyes clear and focused.

“Thank you for letting me stay over tonight,” I said. I assumed this was a big deal for him—a girl in his bed who wasn’t here for sex.

“It’s not a problem,” he whispered.

“I’m sorry about what happened tonight with Brian.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for. I really don’t like the idea of your living with that guy, though.”

“He’d never do anything to hurt me.”

“How did you end up living with him?”

I took a deep breath. Knox didn’t know the story, and since I knew so much about him, I was starting to feel guilty for never telling him. “I lost my parents my senior year of high school.” I wasn’t ready to explain how it had happened or my role in the events, so I didn’t. “My mom was an only child and my dad’s only brother, my uncle Bob, had passed away two years before of a stroke. My aunt Linda, who I’m only related to because she was married to my uncle, lives in California and I didn’t want to change schools, so I moved in with Brian’s parents to finish my senior year of school.”

“I’m sorry about your parents.”

“Thank you,” I murmured. I didn’t want to dampen the evening by thinking about all that, so instead I pushed on. “And when I moved here after college, Brian came with me. He didn’t want me to live in a new city all alone.”

“Nice guy,” Knox muttered flatly.

I swatted at his chest. “Thank you for…tonight.” God, what had I been about to say, thank you for that orgasm? I’d never had an orgasm like that before. My cheeks heated.

Knox chuckled. “You can have that anytime you want. No need to thank me.”

I chewed on my lip, working up my courage. “Isn’t that hard for you, though? I mean, doing that with me, having me here and knowing it’s not going to go any further?”

He was quiet for a second while he thought about it. “Yes and no. Trust me, I enjoyed it, and as far as it not going any further…I can manage.”

“I like you so open and vulnerable like this,” I whispered.

“Yeah? Well, enjoy it now then. I’m never like this.”

“I know.”

“Do you?”

“Yes, you’re normally so intense, and dominant.”

“Do you even understand what that word means, McKenna?”

“I think so.” A crease lined my forehead. Maybe I didn’t really know. At least, not in the context of how he thought of himself.

“I am dominant. Sexually. Does that scare you?”

“N-no?”

He chuckled lightly. I hadn’t meant my answer to sound like a question. It only showed how unsure I felt around him.

“Good night, McKenna.”

“’Night, Knox,” I murmured, feeling sleepy and warm. And safe.