Worth the Chance

Chapter 30

Vince

It’s starting to get dark as I begin my run back to the hotel. I have no idea where the time went. The five mile run to Arlington Cemetery couldn’t have taken more than a half hour, which would mean I spent four hours wandering around and sitting at my father’s graveside. I’d seen pictures of the cemetery on TV, but nothing could have prepared me for the emotions I felt walking in and seeing miles and miles of stark white headstones perfectly lined up, many with American flags waving in the afternoon breeze.

Thoughts of lives lost and other kids growing up without a parent should have been what consumed me, but instead I sat next to his grave and played the What If head game I’ve been playing with myself since I was a kid. What if my father had come home instead of being lost at war? Would my mother have been different? Maybe not strung out for most of my childhood? What if he’d been there every night when I came home from school?

All around D.C., I pass families walking together as I run back to the hotel. They’re taking in the sights and having a good time. A young boy and his father pose in front of the Lincoln Memorial while the mom takes the picture, all three smiling at the memories they’re creating. It makes me run faster. Anger rises from within me, anger for my father not coming home, but even more anger for my mother not stepping up and being the parent she needed to be.

I don’t even remember the last mile of the run, sprinting the entire time so fast that I still haven’t caught my breath when I walk back into the hotel room.

“Hey.” Liv looks up from where she’s sitting on the bed, typing on her laptop. I don’t respond. Instead I stalk to her and ravel her hair around my hand and yank her head back, giving me access to her mouth that I so desperately need.

She doesn’t complain, even though I’m completely drenched in sweat and just marched in like a complete asshole. She kisses me back. Hard. Almost like she needs it as bad as I do.

“Need you,” I mumble into her mouth without letting her come up for air.

“Need you too,” she whimpers, her words barely heard, smothered under my kiss.

“How was your interview?” An hour later, I finally ask the question I should have asked walking in the door. But I just fucking needed her. Needed her to erase all the shit going through my head. Help me get rid of the anger. I know it’s not fair, she doesn’t deserve to be on the receiving end of my shit, but I just couldn’t help it. Loathing myself for the way I treat her deep down inside, I try to soothe things over, even though she never complained.

“Okay.” She’s being tight lipped and I don’t blame her. Probably thinks if I was really interested, I’d have asked when I walked in the door…like a normal fucking person.

“What did you do all day?” she asks, her head resting on my chest. I stroke her hair, it brings me peace, the urge to wrap it around my fist and pull gone with my pent up frustration, thanks to Liv.

“I went to Arlington Cemetery.”

Lifting her head, she props her chin up on her hand resting just over my heart, and looks up at me. Her voice low and full of concern, she asks, “Is that where your father is buried?”

“Yeah.” I stroke the hair back from her face. She’s so god damn beautiful.

“Have you ever been there before?” Playing with the dog tags resting on my chest, she runs her finger over the swollen letters embossed on the ID.

I shake my head no.

“I would have gone with you. You shouldn’t have had to go alone.”

The fucked up thing is it never even dawned on me that she would want to go with me. I’m just so used to taking care of myself, going there anything but alone wasn’t even a thought.

“Thanks. It means a lot that you would have gone.”

Tilting her head to the side, she holds my gaze for a minute before speaking. “Vinny, it’s not that I would have gone, I want to be there for you.” She pauses. “There’s a difference you know.”

Maybe I’m dense, because I don’t see the damn difference. But Liv was always better with words. I shrug my shoulders.