Abandon

Chapter Twelve

Nine Years Ago

The windows of the rundown duplex on Clover Lane all glow with various shades of yellow light at 2:30 a.m. Not that I didn’t expect Elaine’s house to be jumping at this hour, but it still makes me nervous about what I’ll find in there.

I rode my bike to Elaine’s place in Southeast Raleigh all the way from West Raleigh. Grandma doesn’t know I’m gone. She thinks I’m sleeping at my friend Noah’s house right now, but I had to leave.

I’m twelve years old. I’ve spent the last two years helping Grandma train Molly to piss in a toilet. Before that I was changing diapers; waking up in the middle of the night to quiet Molly down whenever Grandma wasn’t feeling well from her migraines; waking up early on Saturdays so Grandma could go to the farmer’s market where she insists everything is cheaper. I’m tired of that shit. And now she doesn’t want to let me quit school to get a job. I don’t get it. She’s the one always complaining about not having any money and she won’t even let me help. She only needs me for the dirty jobs.

But that’s not the reason I’m leaving.

I didn’t want to come here to Elaine’s, but she’s the only one I know who won’t turn me away. Why would she? They take anyone and everyone in here: crackheads, prostitutes, murderers. I lived with Elaine until I was nine and Molly was one, when we moved here to Raleigh from Maine. After that girl did those things to me in the ice-cream shop, I lied to Grandma and told her I found a needle in Molly’s playpen. I didn’t think she would report Elaine. I never told Grandma what happened at the ice-cream shop. I never had to. I never saw that blonde girl again.

I roll my bike behind a box hedge to hide it, then I knock on the door. My heart pounds against my chest like a crackhead on a dealer’s front door, which is probably what they think I am. The door opens and I freeze when I see the shotgun pointed at my face.

“Who the fuck are you?” an old guy covered in tattoos demands.

“I’m – I’m here for Elaine.”

He narrows his eyes and his leathery skin crinkles at the edges. “What the fuck do you want with her?”

“Who is it?” Elaine’s voice makes me cringe inside, but there must be relief on my face because the guy lowers the shotgun a little.

“She’s my …” – gulp – “… my mom.”

The guy smiles, but only with the left side of his face, as he lowers the gun to his side and opens the screen door separating us. “Well, come on in, son.” I tuck my hands into the front pockets of my hoodie as I step inside so he can’t see that I’m still shaking. “Don’t worry. I ain’t your daddy,” he says with a laugh as he closes the door.

I shouldn’t have come here, but what other choice do I have? When I went to Noah’s house this afternoon, all the watches we stole from the kiosk in the mall were laid out on his kitchen table. His mom had left a note saying that she had gone to pick up Noah’s little sister and we were to wait for her until she got back. There was almost $2,000 in watches staring me in the face and I knew that I couldn’t stick around to see what kind of punishment Noah’s mom had planned for us. Even if she didn’t call the police, I knew she’d at least make us return the watches; and what if the owner of the kiosk called the police? It would break Grandma’s heart to know that I fucked up so badly.

Fuck Noah and his bitch mom.

I’ll call Grandma in the morning to let her know I’m going to stay with Elaine for a few weeks, until school starts, so she doesn’t send out a search party. Then I’m going to make some cash at Elaine’s and get myself a motorcycle. Then I can quit school, get a job, and go anywhere. I can help Grandma with money and maybe she’ll forgive me for stealing those watches.

I stand next to the grimy blue sofa, unsure whether I should sit since I wasn’t offered a seat. The sound of footsteps is quickly followed by Elaine’s entrance in a T-shirt that barely covers the tops of her legs. She’s smoking a cigarette and her dark hair is pulled up in a messy bun that hangs over the back of her neck.

“What are you doing here? It’s almost three o’clock in the morning.”

“I need some money. I just need a place to stay for a few weeks until I can make some money for a motorcycle.”

She cocks one of her thin eyebrows as if I’ve asked her to go to a fucking PTA meeting with me. “So you came here?” I nod and she’s overtaken by a bout of shrill laughter. “Well, I’ll be …. Mom is going to love this.” She takes a moment to compose herself, then she asks, “Why don’t you just get a summer job? It’s not so … illegal.”

“School starts next week. I don’t want to go back.” It’s also my birthday next week. August 27th. Do you even remember that?

She shrugs and nods toward the hallway. “Come get some blankets so you can make up a bed on the couch. Tomorrow, we’ll put you to work.”