Angel Fever

1

SOMETIMES WHEN I LOOKED BACK on my old life I could hardly believe it.

My old life: that was the one where I lived in Pawntucket, New York (population 19,000), and thought I was just a normal teenage girl. Or at least as normal as someone nicknamed “Queen Weird” could hope to be. I went to Pawntucket High, drove an old Toyota, skipped as many classes as I could get away with. And it never, not even once, occurred to me that I might not be completely human.

In some ways, I hadn’t changed much since then. I still loved tinkering with engines; my favourite colour was still purple. But in other ways, I was a million miles apart from that girl. Once I’d combed vintage clothing stores for the bizarre and wonderful; now I usually just threw on jeans and a T-shirt. They were easy to run in – and with the life we led now, you kind of had to take that into consideration.

I guess the biggest change of all, though – apart from realizing the truth about myself – had to be guns. I’d always hated them. Sometimes boys at my high school would talk about going hunting, and it would make me shudder: the idea of actually stalking a living creature; of aiming at it and pulling a trigger; of seeing it crumple in front of you, so that it ceased to exist any more – I couldn’t understand how anyone, ever, could bring themselves to do it.

That was before I knew we were at war.

I crouched on the ground with the cold weight of a rifle in my hands. I wielded it expertly, aiming and shooting like a machine as explosions seared overhead: white petals that fell, glittering, against the darkness, as angel after angel was killed.

In the unearthly glow, I could see the outline of Salt Lake Eden with its barbed-wire fence. Around me were the shadowy figures of other Angel Killers, the echoes of gunfire, muffled shouts.

“Man, that’s gotta be almost it,” muttered Sam next to me. Another explosion lit his broad face, showing it gleaming with sweat. “It has got to be.”

I started to reply, then broke off at a sudden flash of white. “Sam, look out!” I cried. I flipped onto my side, quickly tracking the angel.

He scowled as he saw it corkscrewing down at us; we both shot at once. A second later, shards of light were drifting on the air. I let out a shaky breath as Sam and I glanced at each other. Just on my own, I’d already shot, what – four, five? That’s got to be way over a hundred by now, I thought feverishly.

The words had barely formed in my mind when a dozens-strong flock soared at us out of nowhere, their pale, glorious figures etched against the stars. My veins chilled. How could they even still be alive now – how?

I pushed the thought away – not helpful. As the angels plunged into an attacking dive, I squeezed the trigger and shot. Fervent gunfire was going off all around me; I could hear people swearing. Above, three angels burst into nothing, but there were still way too many. We weren’t going to make it this time—

No. We were.

Still shooting, I reached within for my own angel: the shining winged twin with my face. Some distance away I saw that Seb’s angel was already flying, fending off an attacker with quick, strong thrusts of his wings.

In my angel form, I paused only long enough to make myself tangible so I could grab the sensor from my pack; then I was hurtling through the air too. Wings spread, I darted in front of one of the approaching angels, and it veered off wildly; another appeared, and I did the same, swooping back and forth.

“It’s Willow! Get them while she holds them off!”

Even with adrenalin surging through me, I was still amazed at the accuracy of the detail: every angelic feather was outlined in blue-white light; the faces were all individual, all enraged as they screeched at me.

Don’t think. Defend. Around me came a series of explosions so fast and furious that I was flying in a hailstorm of light. Time shifted to slow motion – a long scream that echoed in my ears; a halo bursting so close by that I could see every dot of light, spiralling off into the darkness. Finally there was only one angel left – and then someone shot, and that one was gone too.

“That’s it!” shouted Alex’s voice. The night-time vanished as the room’s lights burst on, leaving us blinking. “We’ve done it!” he called. “All the angels in the world are gone!”

My human self exhaled as cheers from almost a hundred people echoed through the cavernous underground room.

We had rid the world of the angels. Again.

“Good one, angel chick,” Sam said with a grin, giving me a one-armed hug as we got to our feet. His short blond hair stood up in gel-coaxed spikes. “Man, I thought that last bunch was gonna get us.”

“You and me both,” I admitted. Some of my own hair had escaped its shoulder-length ponytail and I quickly pulled the unruly brown waves into place. I hated its current colour, but Raziel had plastered posters of me everywhere – if I went back to my natural blonde I’d be endangering all of us every time I stepped outside. Fortunately there was no shortage of hair dye in abandoned stores.

Reaching up, I took the sensor from my angel as she glided back down to me, her snowy wings outspread.

At one time, seeing a half-angel in action would have brought sidelong stares from the other AKs; now no one paid any attention. The group knew by now that I was nothing like the angels we were trying to defeat. My angel self didn’t have a halo, and she didn’t feed – not from human energy or anything else. I hadn’t even known I was half-angel until I was sixteen.

With a quick flutter, my angel merged into my human self, leaving just “me” standing there. Distantly, I could sense Seb’s angel merging with him too, far across the training room. At my automatic awareness of Seb – the familiar feel of his energy, so like my own – a pang of sadness went through me. I ignored it.

“Okay, guys – take five while we get this stuff turned off,” called out Alex.

I looked over as he started to roll a holograph machine back into place, his shoulders flexing through his T-shirt. He sensed me watching and glanced up. The corners of his mouth lifted as his blue-grey eyes locked with mine. Then someone asked him a question, and he turned back to his work, motioning to a cable snaking across the floor.

I smiled. Alex and I had been together for over a year now, but it didn’t seem to matter – just a look from him could still melt me.

People were standing around the training room, talking in small clusters. Occasionally a burst of laughter floated towards me. It was a relief that people still could laugh – when we’d first found out the extent of the destruction ten months ago, I’d wondered if anyone would ever laugh again.

But the human race is resilient, I guess. Down here, nobody wanted to dwell too much on what had happened to the world; conversations about it were practically taboo. The whole base knew that we had to focus on defeating the angels – not waste our energy grieving over the past.

I sighed. Good advice. So why was it so hard for me to follow it sometimes?

Liz made her way over to Sam and me, her sharp-featured face slightly flushed. “Good thing we’ve gotten so much better lately,” she said. “I cannot believe that we have less than two months left before the attack.”

Sam stretched, looking like a quarterback relaxing at half-time. “Yeah, I can’t wait for the real thing,” he drawled. “’Bout time we kicked those angels’ asses for ever.”

“If we succeed,” Liz pointed out testily. “It’s not guaranteed, you know.”

“I’m with Liz; we need all the practice we can get,” I said. I glanced at the centre of the hangar-like room, where an elaborate set rose up – a depressingly accurate representation of what used to be Salt Lake City, right down to the coils of barbed wire and perky sign: WELCOME TO SALT LAKE EDEN, A BASTIAN OF THE ANGELS’ LOVE!

A bolt of hatred for my father went through me. His Edens were everywhere now; hardly a week went by that a new one wasn’t announced on the shortwave. And we suspected that the places were even worse than we’d first thought, though we didn’t have any information from someone who’d actually been inside of one. The barbed wire glinting on top of the set’s fence said it all: once you entered an Eden, you didn’t come out again.

The strange thing was how much the Edens had helped us.

Because while most people were only too happy to flock to them, a tiny minority didn’t. They stayed on in the devastated cities or in the thousands of “dark towns” across the country, scavenging to survive. Raziel’s Edens didn’t just lure millions with their ease and electricity – they also made it clear exactly who the scrappy rebels without angel burn were. As a result it’d only taken us a couple of months to put together a good-size team of ninety-four recruits. I just really hoped that Raziel could take a moment to appreciate the irony when we finally made our move.

So I guess that was another way I’d changed: the Willow Fields of just over a year ago hadn’t been a vengeful person. But then, she hadn’t had my memories.

Liz started to chew a fingernail and caught herself. “Willow, are you sure you can’t get anything psychically about Founding Day?” she asked anxiously. “Not even a tiny hint?”

I pushed my thoughts away; I knew better than to dwell on all this. “No, I’m way too emotionally involved,” I said, managing a smile. “Sorry – psychic drawback number five.”

To be honest, I was getting tired of people asking me that, though I couldn’t really blame them, with the attack drawing so close. Salt Lake City had been the first Eden; in two months they’d be holding a massive Founding Day celebration, with thousands of angels circling overhead.

And we’d be right there waiting for them.

Everyone’s attention went to the centre of the room, where Alex was clambering onto one of the crates that made up our mock Salt Lake Eden. I smiled as I watched him, my tensions easing. I seriously didn’t think I’d ever seen anything quite as sexy as the sight of Alex wearing camouflage trousers and a black T-shirt. Unless it was the sight of him not wearing them.

He jumped on top of the crate; as he faced the team, he looked relaxed and confident, his dark hair tousled. “Okay, listen up!” he shouted. “That was excellent work, everyone. I’ve just got a couple of things to say—”

A chorus of good-natured groans. Alex grinned and swung himself down to a sitting position, legs dangling. I could see the toned outline of his chest against the T-shirt.

“Yeah, I know; I’m never satisfied, right? So, first of all – everyone still needs to work on disguising their auras. I saw a lot of you forgetting as the simulation went on.” Alex’s eyes met mine – Seb and I taught the classes for the energy work – and I nodded. The team was trying hard, but it just didn’t come easily to most humans.

“They’ll get there,” I said for us both.

“Good. And in terms of everyone’s shooting…” Alex paused, scanning the crowd before he smiled. “Guys, that was awesome. Your time was eight minutes twelve; that’s better than it’s ever been.” He scratched the back of his neck as he added casually, “Oh, and by the way – the program was set for two-fifty.”

Excitement rustled through the room; there were scattered cheers. Sam, Liz and I exchanged a jubilant glance. Two hundred and fifty angels. And we only needed to kill about half that many.

“So even with the aura work, we’re not in bad shape already – you can all be damn proud of yourselves,” Alex said firmly. “But what you cannot do is start getting cocky. Like I’ve said, shooting real angels is different. You’ve got to be aware of what the simulation can’t mimic.”

There were grim nods from around the room as he talked about angel burn, describing the ease with which an angel could link minds with you – how you’d only have seconds to break away before they started feeding from your life force, and then you’d be theirs for ever, worshipping and damaged. My fingers tightened on my rifle as I thought of my mother, sitting lost in her dreams.

“I don’t want to lose any of you, okay?” Alex’s voice was low, but it carried to every corner of the room. “Not a single one – and if we do this thing the way we’ve been planning, then I won’t.”

Emotion gripped me, recalling the dozens of nights Alex had lain awake beside me, going over the plan. They trust me, he’d said once, rubbing his forehead tiredly when I’d urged him to get some sleep. I’ve got to make sure they’re right to.

On top of the crate, Alex gave a sudden grin. “Okay, enough of that,” he said. His gaze picked out a tall guy with brown hair. “Paul, dude – you do realize that if these weren’t laser rifles, you’d have taken Chloe’s head off, right? You want to explain what happened?”

And as Paul winced and attempted a response, I smiled dryly – because I wasn’t the only one who’d been affected by Alex’s grin lighting up his strong, regular features. I could sense the fluttering pulses around me like a flock of hummingbirds. Even if I’d had no psychic skills whatsoever, I’d have known that half the girls down here had a crush on my boyfriend – it wasn’t hard to figure out, if blushes and admiring sideways glances were anything to go by.

The other half all had a thing for Seb.

I held back a sigh; covertly, I found myself studying Seb’s face as he stood across the room. You wouldn’t have guessed he was Mexican from looking at him; his mother’s family had been European immigrants. From Italy, Seb always claimed – and he looked it, with his hazel eyes and loose chestnut curls. Though I always thought what he really looked like was a rock star, with the light stubble that usually coated his jaw.

Next to Alex, Seb was the best-looking boy I’d ever seen. I could understand why so many of the girls were attracted to him, even without the fact that he was half-angel – which only seemed to make him that much more intriguing to them.

I just wished he could feel intrigued by one of them in return.

In a sudden flash, I realized that Seb was aware I was thinking about him. From across the room, he gave me a quick, almost irritated glance, eyebrows raised; I felt a shutter slam down over his thoughts, blocking me out.

I crossed my arms tightly and looked away. I hated the distance between us, in every sense of the word. There was a time when Seb and I would have gravitated to stand next to each other as naturally as two magnets.

“Looks like we got another member of the CCC,” Sam muttered in my ear.

The Carrera Crush Club. Reluctantly, I glanced back and saw who Sam meant: a tall, leggy girl named Meghan was standing near Seb. She was eighteen, with auburn hair that spilled past her shoulders and a sort of girl-next-door face, so that I could never decide whether she was simply pretty or completely beautiful. But whenever I sensed her energy, it felt like bouncing rays of sunshine.

“No, they’ve been friends for a while; she’s part of that group he hangs out with,” I murmured back. Paul was still explaining, protesting that his rifle wasn’t working. Alex, looking like he seriously doubted it, had jumped down to go take a look.

“Yeah, but check out the way she’s looking at him.” Sam’s blue eyes narrowed. “I’m telling you, she’s got it bad.” Across the room, Meghan said something to Seb. His reply looked teasing; her cheeks tinged pink as she smiled.

Sam shook his head – half jealous, half admiring. “Man, that guy’s the biggest flirt on the planet. Wonder if he’s keeping track? He could be going for a world record of crushees here.”

I made a face and looked away. It was true that Seb didn’t seem to mind being the base’s most eligible bachelor. He wasn’t vain, but there was no way he could be unaware of the effect he had on girls – and I guess he wouldn’t even have been half human if he didn’t enjoy the attention.

But when Seb and I had first met, our minds had touched and explored each other effortlessly, our half-angel connection transcending normal things like getting to know each other. I’d seen then how much of an extrovert he could seem with his teasing charm – when really, he was anything but that.

He’d told me once that I was the only person who’d ever really known him.

The problem was, no matter how many “crushees” Seb had, I knew that our time down here had done nothing to lessen his feelings for me. In fact, as the months had passed, the only change had been in his growing reluctance to be around me. And, okay, it wasn’t like I didn’t understand it – but I hated that things had come to this. I hated not being close to him any more.

I missed my friend.

“I’m not sure,” I said, fingering a flowing pink sleeve. It was later that afternoon, and I was standing on Liz’s bed in my bare feet, straining to see all of myself in the mirror over her dresser drawers.

“It looks great,” Liz said in surprise.

“Yes, but it’s pink.” I was already taking it off.

“Pink’s got such a bad rep. Okay, forget that one.” Liz went rummaging through her closet again. Back when we’d been recruiting people, she’d always managed to snag lots of expensive clothes from abandoned stores. I hadn’t seen the point since we didn’t have anyplace to wear them, but I guess that was just me.

“Here, try this.” Liz tossed something black and flashing at me: a sleeveless top made of shiny black sequins. I pulled it on; it slithered down my torso like chain mail.

She whistled. “Oh, sexy. That one, definitely. Alex won’t be able to keep his hands off you.”

I gazed at the plunging draped neckline. The black sequins moved when I did, glittering and alive. “No, it’s not right.”

“Willow! Honestly, if you don’t wear that one I’m going to – wait, what are you doing?”

I was taking off the short black skirt I was wearing, struggling to keep my balance on the bed as I stepped out of it. “It’s too much with the skirt – it looks like I should be thirty years old and drinking cocktails.” I pulled on my jeans again. The contrast with the faded denim made the black top even sexier.

There was a pause as Liz studied me. She nodded.

“You’re right,” she said. “That is perfect. Now, jewellery.”

“I’ve got this,” I said in surprise, touching my crystal teardrop pendant. Alex had given it to me almost exactly a year ago, on my seventeenth birthday. I’d barely taken it off ever since.

“What about earrings, though? Look.” She brandished a sparkly pair.

“I don’t have pierced ears.”

“You don’t have pierced ears yet,” she corrected.

I opened my mouth to say, Whoa, hold it right there – and stopped with a gasp. A cold fog of fear had swamped me from out of nowhere, settling icily over my heart. I shivered at its intensity…and then it was gone, along with the words from my throat.

“Hey, don’t look so freaked out! Fine, we won’t pierce your ears if you’re going to be that much of a wuss,” Liz said, laughing.

I shook my head; in the mirror, my eyes looked wide and uncertain. “It wasn’t that. I thought I felt—” I broke off. Remembering how Raziel had psychically spied on me, I quickly searched my mind. I knew how to do it now; if he’d realized I was still alive and was somehow back again, I’d feel him. But there was nothing.

Liz was staring. “Are you all right?”

“I’m fine,” I said finally. And it seemed true. The fear was gone as completely as if it had never been there at all.

“Sure?”

“Yeah, I’m okay.” My voice sounded more confident this time – I’d probably just had some kind of weird fast-forward to the attack. I’ll ask Seb if he felt anything too, just to make sure, I decided. He’d be out on the firing range now; I’d collar him as soon as he finished. Then I sighed, thinking of the guarded quality that would come over his energy the second he saw me.

There was a knock on the door, and Meghan poked her vivid head in. “Liz, do you have a— Oh, wow!” Her blue eyes widened; she came into the room, grinning and looking me up and down. “Willow, you look great!”

I’d almost forgotten what I was wearing. “Thanks,” I said, touching the sequinned top. Meghan wasn’t really a friend of mine, but I liked her. She was one of those rare people who just always managed to be happy. Before the quakes, she’d been training to be a dancer and had apparently had a promising career ahead of her, before the world became so devastated – yet you never got even a hint of her feeling sorry for herself.

“She won’t let me pierce her ears,” grumbled Liz as I jumped off the bed.

Meghan stared at her. “Seriously? You want to stick a needle through her earlobes?”

“See?” I said to Liz.

“You’ve got pierced ears,” Liz pointed out to Meghan.

Meghan fingered one of her dangly gold hoops. “Well, yeah, but I got them done at a shop. But, hey, what about shoes?” she added brightly. “Do you want to borrow a pair? I’ve got the perfect ones!” She darted out of the room, her rich hair glinting like autumn.

Liz laughed. “No one does ‘enthusiasm’ better than Meghan.”

“How come I’m the only one down here who doesn’t have a dressy wardrobe?” I said, gazing after her.

“The rest of us got our priorities right, that’s all.”

Meghan reappeared with a pair of shiny high-heeled shoes and crouched down gracefully on her long legs. “Oh, good – looks like we’re the same size.” As she began angling one of the shoes onto my bare foot, I started to protest, then just let her do it – it would have been like trying to halt a force of nature. Besides, I was too busy drinking in the shoes. They were a deep wine colour and almost old-fashioned: a chunky heel and rounded toe; a big button perched on the strap. But somehow they looked just…

“Amazing,” said Liz. “Meghan, you’re a genius.”

I turned my ankle this way and that. The shoes gleamed like fresh paint. “These are just…absolutely gorgeous. Thank you so much.”

Meghan sank back on her heels, regarding my feet with a small, wistful smile. “I love these shoes,” she said. “I always think they bring me luck.” She glanced up with a sudden grin. “And you’re going to be the birthday girl, so you get extra luck. That’s the rule. Anyway, I got distracted,” she went on, jumping to her feet. “What I came in here for was to ask if you’ve got iPods. I’m going to make a playlist for the party.”

Officially, the upcoming party next week was to celebrate Alex’s and my birthdays – I’d be turning eighteen, and he’d be nineteen. But really, it was just to give people a chance to let off steam and relax. After months of intense training, everyone was more than ready to.

I shook my head. “Sorry, I was still playing CDs back in Pawntucket.”

“I’ve got one,” said Liz. “Wait, I think I left it in the kitchen. Back in a sec.”

After Liz had gone, a silence stretched out between Meghan and me. I glanced at Liz’s clock. I needed to go talk to Seb soon, but it seemed rude to just leave Meghan there. Turning to her, I started to make some comment about the party – and caught her giving me a sideways glance, lips pursed.

“What?” I said in surprise.

Her milky skin flushed. “Sorry. It’s just that – I mean…you’re half-angel, aren’t you?”

She blurted the words out, and I blinked. Meghan knew I was half-angel. Everyone in the base knew, because Seb and I used our angels to help train people.

Before I could respond, Meghan shook her head. “God, don’t even answer that. I just wanted to know…well…what’s it like?” Her voice was soft, hesitant.

Strangely enough, in all our time here, no one had ever asked me that. I sank down onto Liz’s bed as I tried to gather my thoughts.

“I don’t know,” I said finally. “I only found out a year ago, so it’s still pretty new to me. A lot of times, even now, I’m not really conscious of my angel; I just feel human. And then other times, I’m so completely aware of this other self inside me.”

Meghan had lowered herself into Liz’s desk chair, listening intently. She glanced down, trailing her finger back and forth across the desk. “Do you think – do you think maybe it’s because you didn’t know what you were for so long that you’re with Alex now? I mean, Alex is gorgeous, and he’s a great guy,” she added hastily. “But if you’d known that you were half-angel all your life, then…well, do you think you could ever fall in love with a human?”

Suddenly it was all too clear what this was about. “I can’t really answer that,” I said slowly. “I mean, I can only look at it from my own experience.”

Meghan nodded, her blue eyes disappointed. “Okay,” she said after a pause. “Thanks. I was just curious.”

All at once her emotions swept over me. Usually I had to hold someone’s hand to get something, but this was so strong – an aching sweetness that caught at my throat. This isn’t just a crush, I thought in a daze. She’s really in love with Seb.

I swallowed, shaken by the depth of her feelings – and wondered if I should warn her against caring so strongly for Seb, who’d always been adamant that he could never get seriously involved with a human girl. But Seb had to already know how she felt; he could read auras like other people read comic books. He’d be careful not to hurt her.

Even so, I couldn’t help saying, “Um, Meghan – listen, I’m not sure if—”

I didn’t know whether I was disappointed or relieved when Liz came back just then – I’d had no idea how I was planning on finishing that sentence.

“Here you go.” Liz handed Meghan the iPod. “I think Sam’s got one too.”

Meghan had been watching me with a slight frown; coming back to herself, she took the iPod and fiddled with its dial. She brightened. “Ooh, good, lots of indie stuff. There’s not much point in asking Sam Houston, though, is there? I bet he’s got both kinds of music – country and western.”

Liz grinned. “I think they sometimes listen to classic rock in Texas too.”

“A night of the Eagles and Chicago? Willow and Alex would never forgive me. Okay, laters, gators,” said Meghan, tucking the iPod in her jeans pocket. She glanced at me. “And, Willow – thanks,” she added in an undertone.

For what? I had a feeling that I hadn’t exactly succeeded in warning her away from Seb. I made a mental note to get her alone sometime soon and try again. “Thank you for the shoes,” I replied.

“Hey, I want those back, you know,” she said, laughing. “Your present is that you get to borrow them.”