Angel Fever

40

AS I WALKED BACK TO the waiting room, my stomach tightened with anticipation. Alex, can I talk to you? Nina could wait a few minutes. All I wanted was to get Alex someplace private and feel his arms around me again – press my face against his warm neck and never let him go.

When I entered the waiting room, my brow creased: his blue plastic chair was empty. Nina sat looking through a different magazine. I perched beside her and then twisted around in my seat, glancing at the restroom.

“Where’s Alex?” I said.

Nina had tossed the magazine aside and was reaching for her coat. “He left.”

My heart stopped. “What?” I said blankly.

She nodded at a pair of empty seats nearby. “He got a ride with those guys; they said they’d drop him off in Pawntucket so he could get his truck. He said to tell you goodbye.”

She saw my expression then and stared at me, flustered. “Willow, the way he said it, I thought you knew. He made it sound like something you’d agreed on.”

Once I know you’re all right, I’ll leave. Suddenly the world was crashing in on me. “How long ago?” I gasped.

“I don’t know, maybe five minutes?”

I’d grabbed up my parka and was running before she finished talking. I darted around a crowd of people as they came in the entrance, heard someone give a startled cry. Nina was shouting behind me. “Willow! Wait!”

The cold air hit me as I shot through the doors. I pounded down the sidewalk, not stopping until I reached the parking lot. I craned up on my tiptoes, longing for my angel. I couldn’t see him. I couldn’t see him anywhere.

“Alex!” I shouted. My voice echoed over the half-empty lot. “Alex!”

Nina caught up with me, panting. “Willow, what—”

Where was the truck? I spotted it and started running again; as I reached it, I whirled towards Nina. “The keys, did he give you the keys?”

She handed them over, and I lunged into the driver’s seat. “Get in!” I cried. A second later we were screeching away from the parking lot.

“Willow, what is wrong?” Nina said loudly.

What’s wrong is that I can’t scan for him any more. If he leaves, I won’t be able to find him – and he’ll think that’s what I wanted. I couldn’t say the words. I knew Seb wouldn’t be able to find him either; it took such a deep, multi-layered bond.

I clutched the wheel hard. “I just – I’ve got to find Alex.”

I almost cried in frustration as we reached the main gates and got caught in a traffic jam: a river of glittering metal. It looked as if every car in Schenectady was leaving at the same time. People were carrying their belongings, heading out in droves on foot – it was like the refugees that Alex and I had once seen heading for Denver Eden in reverse.

“How many of them do you think are sick?” asked Nina in a soft voice. Over half an hour had passed.

“A lot,” I said shortly as we crept forward. “But at least their minds are clear, and they’ll get treatment now, once things are a little more normal again.”

She looked at me. “Do you really think the world will ever be normal again?”

“Not really,” I admitted. My hands felt clammy; I wiped them on my jeans. “I guess we’ll have to…find a new normality.”

Finally, finally, we drove through the gates. I got off the traffic-laden highway as soon as I could, taking a country road that was the scenic route. Nina set her jaw and reached for the strap on the ceiling.

“Good – now burn rubber,” she said.

“Believe me, I plan to,” I said as we whistled around a curve. I swung the wheel hard to avoid a pothole. Alex, I don’t want to lose you – not again.

When we finally reached Pawntucket, I plunged into its damaged streets; they were all empty. Alex’s truck had been parked in front of the elementary school – near the front door, with its bright construction-paper decorations.

My chest was clenched as I turned into the school’s parking lot. The words were part prayer, part hope: Please, Alex – please.

His truck was gone.

“No!” I gasped.

“Try the town square – maybe he’s there,” Nina said urgently.

When we reached it, I lurched to a stop in front of Drake’s Diner and jumped out. I couldn’t see Alex’s blue truck anywhere. The square was full of people, though, all gathered in front of the town hall. Someone was bashing out “We Are the Champions” on a guitar; raucous singing filled the air.

“Is Alex here?” I cried, as Jonah came running over and we got out.

He looked surprised and shook his head. “No, he came and said goodbye about twenty minutes ago.”

The world stopped. Somehow I got the words out. “Do you…do you know where he went?”

“No, he didn’t say.” I could tell how much Jonah wished he had a different answer. “I’m really sorry.”

I stood frozen in the weak winter sunshine. Twenty minutes. Oh god, I’d been so close! He could have gone in any direction, and I had no idea which one he’d choose. He was miles away now…thinking it was what I wanted.

I was too late.

Nina squeezed my arm as I stood there speechless. From the town hall lawn, loud singing was still going on. Someone had started banging on an upturned garbage can; the sound pounded at my skull.

Finally Nina cleared her throat. “Do you want to go join the party? You deserve it, Willow.”

I’d never cared less about celebrating. I shook my head dully. “No. Maybe later.”

Nina looked as if she was racking her brains to think of something to cheer me up. “Okay, well…I’ll just go get us some Cokes or something. There’s a whole stash we’ve been saving.”

I managed a smile. “Thanks. That would be nice.”

As Nina headed off towards the square, Jonah stayed beside me, propping himself against the truck. “Is Seb okay?” he asked.

I nodded. “He’ll be fine.”

We stood watching the party. A few people had started a snowball fight, laughing and shouting. “So…what will you do now?” Jonah said, glancing at me.

I had no idea. Remembering that serene moment when I’d gazed over the Wyoming plains, I knew that I didn’t need Alex…but I wanted him so badly it hurt.

Even if I love you, I might as well hate you, because that’s what it feels like! I shut my eyes, wincing at the memory. I might be fine on my own, but I wouldn’t find peace again. How could I, when Alex thought I hated him?

And someday, I guessed he’d fall in love with someone else.

The thought brought so much pain that the celebratory scene in front of me seemed to dim at the edges. “I don’t know,” I answered Jonah finally. “I, um – I guess I’ll stay in Pawntucket, for a while at least. It’ll take a lot of work to get things back the way they were. What about you?”

Jonah’s eyes were on Nina as she returned. “Yeah, I’m staying too,” he said quietly. “This is my home now.”

Even through my sadness, I thought how strange it was: the way the threads of life can weave destinies together like a spider’s web. My brief meeting with Jonah two years ago had brought him here, to my best friend.

“Here, fresh from the snow,” Nina said when she reached us, pressing an icy can into my hand.

A whoop of laughter; Scott Mason lurched past with Rachel on his shoulders. “Hey, Willow!” he cried, reversing quickly. He and Rachel both went silent; Scott held out his hand to me, suddenly serious and inarticulate. “Thank you so much,” he said fervently. “You are a hero, you know that?”

Suddenly I knew that, no matter whatever else happened to me, I did not want a lifetime of people looking at me the way the two of them were.

“That’s okay,” I said as I shook his hand. “But it wasn’t me, actually.”

Scott blinked. “It wasn’t?”

“No. I was just there when it happened. Maybe I was a catalyst or something, but…the angels’ time here was just finished, I guess.”

“Oh,” he said, looking bewildered.

“Well, at least they’re gone,” Rachel put in. After a pause, she added, “Too bad Alex couldn’t stay for the party. He was incredible during the fight.”

Scott glared up at her, jiggling her legs. “Yeah, could you have been any more obvious?” He put on a falsetto voice. “‘Ooh, Alex, are you sure you can’t stay?’”

I’d been leaning against the truck; now I jerked upright. “Wait – you saw Alex?”

Scott shrugged. “Yeah, on his way out of town. He asked us for directions.”

Suddenly my heart was racing. “Where to?”

He looked taken aback by the urgency in my voice. “Route 16.”

I caught my breath; my gaze met Nina’s.

“Go!” she cried, grabbing the Coke from me and shoving me towards the truck. Because she knew as well as I did what was down that road.

I must have set new speed records as I drove out of Pawntucket; two years earlier I’d have been pulled over before I even reached the town limits. On Route 16, winter-bare trees flashed past.

Please, I thought. Please.

I slowed down at the brown-and-white sign: MURRAY PARK. My heart pounded as I took the turn.

At first glance the parking lot was empty, and my soul withered inside me. And then I saw it: a blue 4 × 4 sitting in the far corner. Suddenly I was trembling almost too hard to park. I rested my forehead against my fists on the steering wheel for a second. When I looked up, the truck was still there.

It was the most beautiful sight I’d ever seen.

I got out and walked quickly up the hiking trail. When I got to the clearing, I could see the willow tree – and a boy standing beside it. His hands were in his back pockets, his dark hair rumpled by the wind as he looked up at the tree’s branches.

As I approached, Alex turned at the sound of my footsteps. His eyes widened in a flash of blue-grey. I stopped short as our gazes met, my mouth dry.

I saw him swallow. “I just…wanted to see it,” he said finally, nodding at the tree.

“I’m glad,” I said as I started to cry. “I mean, I really, really cannot tell you how glad I am.”

I took another step towards him, and then I was running. Alex met me halfway and caught me up hard in his arms.

For a long time we just held each other. I clung to him, my face tight against his neck as I drank in his familiar scent – the feel of his arms around me. Finally he stroked my hair back with both hands. Without speaking, he started pressing slow kisses over my face, brushing away the tears.

His warm mouth caressed its way over my cheeks, my lips. “I thought I’d never see you again,” I whispered, closing my eyes. “That years would pass – that you’d fall in love with someone else…”

Alex stopped and stared at me. “Are you crazy?” He sounded almost angry. “There will never be anyone else for me, Willow. Never. If you hadn’t come after me, I’d have come back here in a few weeks – I’d have begged you on my knees.”

I reached up and gripped both his hands. He rested his forehead against mine; we stood with our heads bowed. The willow tree stirred as the wind whispered around us.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “Alex, I was just so angry and confused…”

“I know,” he said. “I deserved it. Don’t apologize.”

And somehow that was all that needed to be said.

We drew apart a little, gazing at each other. I slowly felt a smile spread across my face. I just stood there, smiling. I couldn’t stop.

Finally I cleared my throat. “You know, there’s something I have to do,” I told him gravely – and I took his head in my hands and kissed him, gliding my fingers through his dark hair.

By the fourth kiss, he was grinning. “Wait, are you sure you definitely want me back? You seem kind of indecisive.”

I could feel myself grinning too. “Don’t talk,” I said. “Just kiss.”